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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Help ladies please! I'm petrified about my first smear test and need support please?
Q. I am 23 and I am having my first smear test Thursday, I am absolutely petrified, im shaking thinking about it, can anyone give me advice I hope im not the only one that feels like this?...
A. 9 February 2012: It's thursday and I'm thinking of you...
and glitter... EWO I love that story!... (read in full...)
Why was my partner checking the text messages on my mobile phone? She has no reason to doubt me!
Q. Well I guess this is a common issue and has been answered many times before but here it goes.. Last night I found my partner going through my mobile phone text messages. Well I found that my phone light was on and it was clear she had just put it ...
A. 9 February 2012: I agree with Cerberus that she's projecting her behaviors on to you... that she's the one with stuff to hide...
After 7 years you don't know much about her daily routines?
I'd say you don't have much of a relationship with her and I'd strongly... (read in full...)
Met a guy whilst wearing coloured contact lenses, will he think I'm fake if he finds out? What do guys think of girls who wear coloured lenses?
Q. Honest answers from guys, I don't care if they are hurtful I need to know a truthful answer. What do you think of girls who wear coloured lenses? Do you not care so much, think they're fake, find them attractive.. what? Because I met this guy whi...
A. 9 February 2012: If I wore two contacts I'd have green eyes when I had them in... I hate my brown eyes..
it's like glitter in your hair or special makeup no big deal....
and if he says "well you have brown eyes I only date girls with light eyes" then he's... (read in full...)
I told him I'm a virgin, but I've done things with guys...it turned him off
Q. So.. I've been dating this guy for a week. Im a virgin. He's not. He asked about my past, I had done some things and it totally turned him off. But, I was completely honest with him because I didn't want to lie to him. What do I do?...
A. 9 February 2012: Dump him. what a jerk.. it's ok for him to do things but not you?
... (read in full...)
I'm a guy and I hate sex with my fiance
Q. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I hate having sex with her, and the thought of it now sadly, turns me off anymore. Whenever I try to get her in the mood, I am always shot down. And I mean always. So I stop wanting it, and then my fiance c...
A. 9 February 2012: sounds like you guys are not compatible sexually and unless you both go to counseling and make a committed effort to fix it, this will never work
I suggest counseling with a qualified couples counselor for both communication issues and sexual i... (read in full...)
Should I tell him how I feel or should we stay as FWB?
Q. I have a problem with this guy who i used to cam sex with, and he doesn't know that i still like him. Whenever i see him i always feel a certain feeling in my stomach. i don't know if it is butterflies or a stomach. should i tell him how i feel or ...
A. 9 February 2012: NO ONE should have CAM sex or SKYPE sex... just not a prudent thought for ANYONE... as it can be saved and posted online... age does not matter.
Age of consent for sex in the USA varies by state but it's often 16 for girls.... still too young IM... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's way too busy to settle down, but I don't think I can wait 4 years for him
Q. I need help soooo bad, and don't know what to do. About 3 1/2 years ago, my husband passed away from a tragic accident and left me with three kids. I dated a little afterwards, but never found anyone worth while. I stumbled upon an old friend fr...
A. 8 February 2012: ugh asking where you stand right after sex is a bad move... for a man or a woman... not the right time to ask. as for not wanting to get married... I never wanted to marry again I've done it a few times and I can't come up with a reason to d... (read in full...)
Based on my personality what animal could I use to best describe me for this job question?
Q. Lol. I've been asked an unusual question on an application form, and i'm not sure how to answer it. I'm applying for a job in a Pet Shop, and the question is to describe yourself as a pet, what would you would be and why!. I guess i need to think ...
A. 8 February 2012: sounds like a newfoundland dog to me... I don't think of cats as friendly because they tend to be aloof... dogs on the other hand are your best buddies even if you just walked to the mailbox and back they greet you like they haven't seen you... (read in full...)
Should I tell him how I feel or should we stay as FWB?
Q. I have a problem with this guy who i used to cam sex with, and he doesn't know that i still like him. Whenever i see him i always feel a certain feeling in my stomach. i don't know if it is butterflies or a stomach. should i tell him how i feel or ...
A. 8 February 2012: do you really think of CAM sex as FWB? I think part of the problem is that so many younger folks don't understand what FWB means.... (read in full...)
What is the proper role of sexual attraction in a relationship?
Q. OK Aunts, here is something that has been troubling me. How important should sexual attraction be in a relationship? The reason I ask is because sometimes I think sex and sexual attraction is a distraction and sort of leads us down the wrong ...
A. 8 February 2012:
aren't we discussing this here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/on-a-scale-of-1-to-10-where.html... (read in full...)
Why did she taste different???
Q. hello I just have some simple questions. back in the second month me and my fiance(which is about 6 months ago) had sex for the first time and even though I knew a lot about foreplay and what to do and what I should do, I didn't know what I liked to ...
A. 8 February 2012: also depending on what she's eating or what supplements she's taking her taste could change...... (read in full...)
Au naturale...
Q. I read in a newspaper recently that a lot of women are beginning to stay 'natural' i.e no shaving their arm pits, etc, I am wondering what readers of 'dearcupid.org think about that suggestion....
A. 8 February 2012: I would still shave arms and legs without a doubt regularly no matter what.
as for pubic hair... what little I have is removed now by waxing and if i was not in a relationship I would leave some and remove some by shaving... not all by waxing. ... (read in full...)
Why cant he be honest with me?
Q. Why cant he be honest??? Been seeing this guy for 15 month and I am coming to a major cross road, I am fed up. I feel I am getting nothing out of the relationship. He has been on several dating and sex sites off and on and when I address him abou...
A. 8 February 2012: As I see this you have three different issues going on here.
1. He’s on dating and sex sites
2. You are not having sex as frequently as you would like
3. You believe him to be using you and lying to you
Which bothers you the most? I just le... (read in full...)
I'm bisexual, and if my mom gets to know she's going to kick me out!
Q. My problem is that i'm bisexual, i haven't told her about me and my mom thinks that it's wrong. And yes, i know tht its wrong.. but i've dated 3 girls and more guys thn 7. Should i tell her? she might kick me out or tell my whole family and my aunt ...
A. 8 February 2012: Gawd, Cindy that's HORRID thanks for that info... sometimes I forget how lucky I am to live where my brother can marry his lover and I can live with my man....OPENLY.
hugs to the OP... (read in full...)
I'm bisexual, and if my mom gets to know she's going to kick me out!
Q. My problem is that i'm bisexual, i haven't told her about me and my mom thinks that it's wrong. And yes, i know tht its wrong.. but i've dated 3 girls and more guys thn 7. Should i tell her? she might kick me out or tell my whole family and my aunt ...
A. 8 February 2012: it's not wrong.
it is what it is.
your aunt would report it to the newspapers? do they publish a list of people and their sexual orientation?
your sex life is no one's business but your own.... (read in full...)
Why did my FWB lose his erection?
Q. my new fwb eventually lost his erection yesterday when I gave him oral and then when we had sex the first time. he was fine when he was dominate but as soon as I got on top or gave him oral for a while, he loses it. I asked him why this happened and ...
A. 8 February 2012: it happens.
it's not a reflection on you and I would NOT make a big deal about it.
sometimes my partner loses his erection even if he really wants to be with me... he's tired, he has gas, he drank too much, I'm coughing and it's not attractive..... (read in full...)
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1=not important and 10=most important, how important should sexual attraction be in a relationship?
Q. OK Aunts, here is something that has been troubling me. How important should sexual attraction be in a relationship? The reason I ask is because sometimes I think sex and sexual attraction is a distraction and sort of leads us down the wrong ...
A. 8 February 2012: It's higher than I think you would like it to be. I think janniepeg is right it's around 7 or 8.
But that's after the initial OMG have to have you kind of thing. I think that often old time arranged marriages started out as NON-attraction sexually... (read in full...)
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1=not important and 10=most important, how important should sexual attraction be in a relationship?
Q. OK Aunts, here is something that has been troubling me. How important should sexual attraction be in a relationship? The reason I ask is because sometimes I think sex and sexual attraction is a distraction and sort of leads us down the wrong ...
A. 8 February 2012: It's higher than I think you would like it to be. I think janniepeg is right it's around 7 or 8.
But that's after the initial OMG have to have you kind of thing. I think that often old time arranged marriages started out as NON-attraction sexually... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to ask to see my boyfriend's check stubs?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 6 months and in the beginning he was not employed. The agreement was that he would pay me XX amount of dollars until he went back to work. After he got a new job, then we would revisit the money ...
A. 8 February 2012: I'm glad you sorted it out.
My fiancé and I are in a similar situation. I make more than him and he just lost his job due to moving to be with me in my home from a different state. I get exactly what you are saying.
I have a good government ... (read in full...)
Affair with husband's brother, and husband is okay with it.
Q. My brother-in-law (husband's brother) and I have started to engage in an affair. It started about a month ago. Initially after we first had sex, he was feeling so guilty that he said he never wanted it to happen again. I also felt guilty for what ...
A. 8 February 2012: In the bible you would marry the brother if your husband died... this is just putting the cart before the horse so to speak.
IF you, your hubby and your BIL are ok with it, move him into your home, have a polyandrous marriage and have two husbands... (read in full...)
Help ladies please! I'm petrified about my first smear test and need support please?
Q. I am 23 and I am having my first smear test Thursday, I am absolutely petrified, im shaking thinking about it, can anyone give me advice I hope im not the only one that feels like this?...
A. 8 February 2012: It’s scary the first time… ask the nurse to hold your hand. TELL the doctor you are scared and tense. It’s NORMAL to be that way. I’ve been having pap smears since I was 14 years old (I had terrible PMS and needed to be on hormones so paps were ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about the lack of romance in this new relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about five months. We are grown- I'm almost 30, he's 35... Our relationship is fantastic and I am very happy with him. But there is this one thing that keeps bothering me a little bit. He's not romantic, or ...
A. 8 February 2012: He may be one of those NON-ROMANTIC men. It does NOT reflect on how he feels about you but rather how he shows you…. IT’s just his style. Sadly YOU may NEED those romantic gestures to KNOW how he feels if he does not tell you.
5 months is not a... (read in full...)
I'm in a horrible, controlling relationship, and I want to get out, but I cant!
Q. Okay. So this is going to be quite long but here goes. .... Iv been with my boyfriend 3 years. We live together. I love him, and iv got strong beliefs about relationships, I'm not the kind of person to just walk out on them. I'm by no means perfect. ...
A. 8 February 2012: You are being abused. Do you want to stay with an abuser?
Do you want to die at the hands of your abuser? You may if you stay.
why can't you leave? has he battered your self-esteem into the ground so badly that you think you don't deserv... (read in full...)
A guy online sends me raunchy messages. Should I stop talking to him?
Q. Ok so i met this guy in a Chatroom and he seems really nice but he's 21 and I'm 16 he texts me kind of raunchy stuff like where he wants to have sex with me but I told him I'm a virgin and he lives in NY and Im in Ohio he says he wants to hook up ...
A. 8 February 2012: He seems really nice (he texts you raunchy stuff and wants to have sex with you what is nice about that???)
He’s 21 and you are 16 that’s 5 years more life experience than you… and he’s using it to his advantage…
You don’t know if he’s a good ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend like to choke me? How "rough" is normal?
Q. Hey there, So my guy and I have been together for two months or so now, and things seem pretty great. We see each other about once or twice a week, and usually we go out to dinner or to a movie. We have moved very fast emotionally and sexually...
A. 8 February 2012: WE play rough too.. .that's how we describe it... I like it too...
what you need to do is talk to him about it...
not abnormal if you are both ok with it.... (read in full...)
Is he shy and only rings me when he has a few drinks for courage?
Q. Hi I need your help I met this guy back in September 2011 and I really do like him and we only got together in November 2011 but my problem with him is that I only ever hear from him when he is out with his friends and having afew drinks this is ...
A. 8 February 2012: if he only calls when he's drunk he only wants one thing.
you are wasting your time.... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 8 February 2012: I get where you stand. I just think you are being unrealistic. I thought about your reply in the car this morning driving to work and I hate being the fly in the ointment so to speak but here’s my take on it…. And please forgive me for overstepping ... (read in full...)
How do I manage how I feel over his over zealous anxious checking up on me all the time?
Q. Hi All, thanks for stopping by and reading this. I have been dating a man for coming up to year now. he has lots going on his life. Eg: he is a full time carer for his disabled sister, and has three kids from an ex that he takes a lot ( they don...
A. 7 February 2012: urgh... I'd be creeped out... 5 minute walk from you?
and he's checking up on you?
please be careful if he gets overwhelmingly obsessive about checking on you make sure he knows you will have to take legal action...... (read in full...)
I don't want to demand too much from her, but she hasn't mentioned meeting up again, what should I do?
Q. I met a nice girl on the internet, we chatted for 2-3 weeks, then finally met up on Sunday afternoon. We walked for around 30 mins, then we went to a cafe,had some tea and chatted for 2hrs 30mins, then walked home for 30 mins. I forgot to text h...
A. 7 February 2012: IF it was me I would expect and WANT a phone call to ask me out again... NOT A TEXT!... (read in full...)
I'm always making excuses for my husband because he's obnoxious!
Q. I have been married for over 11 years. It is my second marriage and his second marriage. He can be very ignorant and obnoxious to our friends, neighbors and family. He is this way with his family too, not just mine. He often thinks of himself before ...
A. 7 February 2012: Don’t make excuses… Don’t apologize.. Just nod and agree and say “I know I have to live with the jerk”
That’s what I do. Just know that his jerkiness is not a reflection on you.
He's not going to change...
... (read in full...)
She won't talk to me after our fight. What do I do? I don't want to be a stalker, but I don't want to lose everything just because I blew up!
Q. Had a row with a girl I been seeing fortnight ago. She had been promising me to meet but kept cancelling or puttin me off. Told her how much it bothered me but she kept doin it. So I got very frustrated and blew up, saying it was over between us and ...
A. 7 February 2012: ‘She’s been promising to meet but KEPT CANCELLING or PUTTING ME OFF”
You then TOLD her this bothered you and SHE KEPT DOING IT
“I asked her to tell me goodbye…. Just silence”
Berne, she’s TOLD YOU with the above ACTIONS goodbye. SHE T... (read in full...)
What do you think about people talking about their exes?
Q. What do you think about people talking about their exes? I'm dating this guy,and he has talked about one of his ex girlfriends a couple times. They went out with each other a long time ago. They started dating in 1997. I'm not sure when it ended th...
A. 7 February 2012: That was 15 years ago.. how old is this fellow?
You think the past should remain in the past, the problem is that the PAST is what has shaped our PRESENT...who he was with BEFORE you has colored who he is now... the more insight into his past you... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a guy to get turned on by women's breasts?
Q. I am getting a bit confused here but its I can't just help it. Is it wrong for a guy to be attracted and get turned on by woman's breasts?...
A. 7 February 2012: Not wrong at all.. why would you think it wrong?... (read in full...)
The guy I like is 2 years younger to me. Can it work?
Q. Ok so I am a 24 year old female and I really like a guy friend of mine. I want to pursue a relationship with him. The problem is that he is only 22. Most people have told me that I'm a ridiculous for even worrying about an age difference that ...
A. 7 February 2012: ONLY 2 years? You are being a bit over the top about 2 years but less than my dad who at 67 met a woman and was horrified she was SIX MONTHS older than him…
Sounds to me like it’s perfect for you guys right now… and wait and see what happens you ... (read in full...)
Asked him out over email but heard nothing back...is he laughing at me?
Q. I asked a man out...which I don't often do..by email. And I've heard nothing back. I'm not wondering about rejection but more That is he somewhere laughing at me? Guys would you be thinking "this girl is a loser?". Backstory... We are in t...
A. 7 February 2012: You are sure he dates SUPERMODELS? SEAL dates supermodels.. most men date regular women. You have this guy on some pedestal don’t you?
Why did you ask him out via EMAIL. Asking for dates should be done by phone or in person.. never leave im... (read in full...)
How do I deal with him saying things about me behind my back?
Q. This guy and I are just friends but he is acting kind of immature. I Don't like him like that but for some reason he thinks I like him as more. He is saying things about me to his friends behind my back. He is several years younger than me, so No I ...
A. 7 February 2012: Like Cindy said... just ignore him.
... (read in full...)
Dealing with a break up..
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I'm not looking for advice just maybe a forum to chat and cope. I will explain briefly what has happened: A few weeks ago I asked to take a break, my gf got really mad at me on her birthday. I was sick...
A. 7 February 2012: 4 break ups in 7 months… that’s more than one every other month.. she’s so NOT ready for a relationship with you. Be strong.. you have done the right thing by deleting her contact info.
continue to be strong. I'm sorry for the pain. Even kno... (read in full...)
Why did he start flirting with me when he is married? Is there a possibility they are seperated but still living together for financial reasons?
Q. Dear Cupid, I started having a crush on one of these guys at my work. We dont really work together since we work for two different companies but the grocery store houses the company i work for so we're not exactly co workers. Anyways... I sta...
A. 7 February 2012: "What should I do?"
YOU should RUN!
He's MARRIED... he's lying to his wife... he's lied to you... he's a liar a cheat and a coward.......... (read in full...)
My daughter is planning on having IVF with her partner, but I know they are unhappy and she has been having an affair. What can I do in this situation?
Q. my daughter is soon to be forty and has decided to have ivf with her partner of 6 years. it appears that for the last 4 years she has been having an affair.her partner is manipulative and calculating and i think he knows what has been going on her ...
A. 7 February 2012: Sadly there is nothing you can do. Your daughter is an adult and is making her own decisions.
All you can do is voice your concern... she won't listen.
trust me as a daughter who makes mistakes and hurts my dad with these mistakes (althou... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 7 February 2012: So you haven’t talked to him in nearly a month other than two “housekeeping” texts…
I hate to tell you this but it’s over dear one. He’s going to make kind gestures to keep you on the hook and make himself feel better about this impendin... (read in full...)
I'm sneaking out to date because my parents don't approve of a "non college boy'
Q. long story but i hope some people are willing to read it and help me. I appreciate it. I met a guy 2 1/2 months ago and we clicked. Everything about him is wonderful and i felt like it was meant to be...Yes i'm only 18 and he's 20 and it just ...
A. 7 February 2012: A college degree does not equal success.
If you like him and he likes you and he treats you well and is gainfully employed, then I see NO problem with it.
My son graduated college and it took him nearly 2 years to find a job in his field... mea... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 7 February 2012: I just ended an LDR.
I get exactly what you are saying.
We hated being apart so he gave up his apartment, his job, all his friends and family and moved 2 hours away to be with me.... I get that a man SHOWS YOU WHEN HE LOVES YOU.
So here ... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 6 February 2012: “I plan on going on until April” does he know this? DOES HE plan on going on until April? Does he know he’s being tested???... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 30 January 2012: “we can be cuddly and fond of one another when we do meet”…
So after you’ve got him all worked up with cuddly kisses and such what will you do when he expects and wants sex? If your love for him is shaky why do you even want to be cuddly a... (read in full...)
Does withholding sex mean one is playing games?
Q. This is sequel to a previous post. How is holding out on sex with your partner playing games? How is games if your intention is not to be manipulative? Must sex be everything in a relationship? I am in a LDR which picked up very fast in the begi...
A. 28 January 2012: if you TELL him why you are not having sex and it's an effort by both of you to work on the relationship it's not game playing.
IF you DO NOT tell him WHY you are refusing sex and just withhold sex from him in an effort to see what he does tha... (read in full...)
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