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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I wanted to marry my girlfriend and now I don't. Now what?
Q. This year will mark the 10 year anniversary of me meeting my girlfriend. Early in the relationship we talked of marriage, but neither of us really believed in it and we were trying to establish our careers - moving around and generally unstab...
A. 17 February 2012: Oh btw speaking of married but not the paper… there are a few states in the USA that still do recognize common law marriages…
STATES THAT RECOGNIZE COMMON LAW MARRIAGE:
Only a few states recognize common law marriages:
Alabama
Colo... (read in full...)
My nipples have started to become sore, but I've never had sex!
Q. I'm usually the first one to say "get checked by the doctor" but was hoping it could just be a passing thing. This is a little embarrassing but painful. My nipples have become hard and sore, i've never had sex so definitely not pregnant and period ...
A. 17 February 2012: your cycle might be changing and you may get your period in one or two weeks.
are you having any sexual play? that can cause sore nipples.
and as shrodingerscat said you may have "joggers nipples although that tends to happen more to men sinc... (read in full...)
After being close friends for a while, he's now blanking me. Any idea why?
Q. I need help on a situation with a friend.. So i've been really close friends with a guy that i've known for about a year and a half. It's not really a normal situation though i guess, he's 37 and he used to be a neighbour of mine..i'm 17, an...
A. 17 February 2012: I hate to say this but at 37 he's figured out that 17 is not interesting
I am sure he was cultivating you for a sex toy... and when all you offered was friendship he got bored.
While I am a huge supporter of age gap relationships wh... (read in full...)
My fiancé's ex wife still has some kind of power over him, she pisses me off with her ways and I hate the way she takes advantage of him
Q. I´m engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. We have known each other for alomost 12 years, been best friends and have been together for 8 months. They were married for 19 years with no kids. They aren't divorced yet but seperated. Divorce ...
A. 17 February 2012: So you are engaged to a legally married man. My fiancé and I want to get married and I just got my divorce decree so before we became FORMALLY engaged we had to wait till I was divorced. Being engaged is a promise to marry and you can’t make a ... (read in full...)
Clipped texts with no smileys, is he losing interest?
Q. What's with him? A day ago a guy (who likes me) whom I just met recently, used texted me slightly longer texts. And just recently, 2 of his recent replies with one/few words replies. It was kind of monotone and there's no smileys. A fe...
A. 17 February 2012: you cannot base a relationship on texting. my partner never texts me.
get it in your head now: NO HAVING RELATIONSHIPS VIA TEXT MESSAGES.
pick up the phone and make a phone call if you are concerned.
you are reading too much into it... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay or bisexual?
Q. Ok here goes... I'm 18, and my husband is 19. we've been married for 8 months. we have a daughter, who is 2 years and 2 months and i'm 11 weeks pregnant with our second child. Basically, i know in my heart that my husband is gay. He claim...
A. 17 February 2012: if he's bisexual and he's careful and safe and open and honest and you can cope with it you can make this work.
if he's GAY or lying and not having safe sex with others then you need to consider leaving.
you also need to get STD testing if h... (read in full...)
Is it just me or does this whole thing with my G/f seem a little fishy?
Q. My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years. Last night she called me, started crying, and said that she couldn't handle the anxiety feelings that were coming back and ended our relationship. She said she felt we were too young to be this ...
A. 17 February 2012: well she broke up with you there is probably someone else because it's rare that without abuse to fuel it folks leave something comfy and familiar for NOTHING but they will leave if they have something to go to.
If she has a history of inapprop... (read in full...)
When it comes to sex its all about him and I'm sick of it
Q. i have been married for 3 years and within that 3 years my husband and i have had 3 kids together i came in with 2 kids of my own but my husband hass cheated on me sooo many times we dont sleep togther and he rather masterbate then have sex with me ...
A. 17 February 2012: married 3 years (not a long time)
three children in three years did you have twins or triplets or once pregnancy a year kind of thing? that seems excessive...
husband has cheated on you SOOO MANY times...
we don't sleep together and... (read in full...)
I just cant seem to like girls my age!
Q. So in a weird flip of the coin i have recently started seeing older women. I am 24 and im seeing a lady who is 34 and another who is 42. i have fooled around with a lady who was 63 last week. i really dont know what it is. i find them attractive and ...
A. 17 February 2012: NO it won’t happen with a woman that doesn’t want or can’t have more children.
34 is still young to have kids…. The issue is that she already has 4 and may not want more… but a single 34 year old probably does want kids… so don’t discount the enti... (read in full...)
I don't want to get too attached to him because of the distance! What should I do?
Q. Ive been talking to this boy for a few weeks now and we've known each other for ages, the problem is that he's moved away. We both live in cornwall, i live in St Austell and he lives in Penzance, i sort of like him but i don't want to get attached ...
A. 17 February 2012: texts mean nothing
and to be honest an hour if you have transportation is nothing... if my man and i were an hour apart when we started I don't know that we would have even considered ourselves long distance.
we were two hours apart by car and... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should be in a relationship with him, or just be his friend?
Q. I'm feeling anxious over a new relationship. I even feel like crying. I'm seeing a man who is 21 years older than me. Obviously, he has much more of a past than i have. He was married for three years when he was in his twenties, and has a son who is ...
A. 17 February 2012: He has no clue you are a virgin and you must tell him if you are to continue this relationship… if you care about him and he about you then I think you can try it out….
I mean nothing is written in stone, you are over 21 both single why the heck... (read in full...)
He texts me and then no contact for days. Is this a guy game?
Q. Alright... so I met this guy at work. I work days, he works the night shift. We only see each other if I work late. So, we're friends on Facebook, we text, we message, we even talk when we see each other at work on occasion. He told me he really l...
A. 17 February 2012: texting is no way to have a conversation.
texts don't always get through first of all
my fiance's phone often stops getting texts till he reboots the phone and since he's not a texter he forgets to check and I once watched him reboot and 4 tex... (read in full...)
What makes someone ready to date?
Q. Okay so I been thinking. What really makes someone ready to date? Please don't say you'll know. I want to know what will help me determined if I'm ready for a serious relationship....
A. 17 February 2012: Ok you won’t know.
But you will meet someone and you will want to spend time with them
You will start asking how you will know if you are ready to date
You will think about kissing this person…
You are NOT ready for a serious relationship... (read in full...)
What are my rights as a patient?
Q. Sorry, this'll be a bit off topic. I moved to Canada last August and I've just signed up to a medical centre here. I found most of the staff to be extremely rude and they signed me up for all sorts of tests without telling me what any of them...
A. 17 February 2012: IF you are sexually active you need pap smears..
I've been having them since age 14... waiting till age 25 seems a bit excessive. 18 here is the latest I would start them.
we have HIPPA laws here they can't talk to anyone about your medic... (read in full...)
This man just can't take no for an answer
Q. I am divorced. I have put my house up for sale. My realtor came up a few weeks ago. He caught me off guard and stated that he was getting a divorce. On Valentines day he sent me flowers. I wrote him a email and stated I do not date married men (fyi ...
A. 17 February 2012: yep I'd get another Realtor and maybe if he works for a company report his unethical inappropriate behavior to his boss.... (read in full...)
I wanted to marry my girlfriend and now I don't. Now what?
Q. This year will mark the 10 year anniversary of me meeting my girlfriend. Early in the relationship we talked of marriage, but neither of us really believed in it and we were trying to establish our careers - moving around and generally unstab...
A. 17 February 2012: What’s the difference between “I don’t want to live my life without her” and “I want to get married” just a piece of paper.
Are your funds co-mingled
Are you living in a house you both own?
Who pays the bills
Who owns the cars? Is it joi... (read in full...)
She's cheated on me, hardly hangs out with me, and she's happy, I'm not, even though I love her.What do I do?
Q. I have been dating this girl for almost 9 months weve been off and on several times. In October she cheated on me at her birthday party and then lied about it till christmas. she says she loves me and that she wants to spend the rest of her life...
A. 17 February 2012: sounds like it's pretty much over as it is... she's just going through to motions and is not as into you as you are to her.
I think for your own sake you should consider moving on.... (read in full...)
Should husband and I share money with my family or keep it for our soon to be baby?
Q. Dear cupid Alot of people say pregancy confuses the mind and makes women think irrationally i like to think that in this particullary situation i'm not thinking irrationally nor am i being selfish . but i'd rather hear it from other peoples ...
A. 17 February 2012: I agree with Honeypie…
Move out.
It’s YOUR life not theirs.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's fantasy of me being a teenager has freaked me out
Q. I have recently started dating someone and I'm having a pretty awesome experience with it. I'm really comfortable with him, we talk very personally, and its the first dating experience I've ever had where I wasn't nervous, and I was able to be ...
A. 17 February 2012: did he say he pictured you as a 12 year old?
or is that what you think
at your age you still look very young I am sure...
many men have the school girl fantasy and that's pretty common and therefore pretty normal... you being still so young... (read in full...)
Should I ask my b/f about the message on his phone from a girl asking to catch up?
Q. Hi. My bf cheated on me about 9 months ago and we're been a bit rocky since, but I decided to forgive him and he's been as good as gold since so I am building up my trust. I originally found out about it as I had an insecure moment and checked his ...
A. 17 February 2012: IF he knows you look at his phone and he's ok with it then by all means you can and should ask. but be casual.
remember that he has NO control over what others do so a girl sending a text to "catch up" with him may not be anything other than an ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm competing with his dead ex!
Q. My Boyfriends ex-girlfirend died in Aug 2011 we met end of sept 2011 he was only with her 10 months she was really ill when they got together yet i am so jealous as i can compete with them if there alive how can i compete if shes dead. He tells ...
A. 17 February 2012: It’s very very hard to compete with a dead love… but who is causing this competition you or your boyfriend?
And was she an ex when she died? Because if she died while they were a couple she’s not his ex. She’s a former… or his past… but NOT an e... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has had several threesomes and hook ups in her past: liberal open-minded girl or just a slut?
Q. Well, I know this topic comes up a lot but here I go anyways: I'm dating this girl for the last 5 months. She has been always open about her attitude about sex, and admitted to me that she has had a lot of threesomes, hook ups and ongoing on and o...
A. 17 February 2012: Slut is a judgment… if you did these things would you feel right being called a man whore?
She was open and honest with you about these things. The fact that she did it before you means she knows what she wants and has BTDT so it’s not like lat... (read in full...)
Can you tell me how to kiss a boy Please!!!! Or how to find out how?
Q. Hi everyone, Ok, I am 16 and as far as doing anything with a boy goes, the only thing I have done is hug one. Now there's this guy and we both really like each-other, I think. He is getting a little impatient, we aren't dating or anything b...
A. 17 February 2012: if you really liked him THAT way you would want to kiss him...
you saying you need to be drunk to kiss him is upsetting for me...
1. i don't like that at such a young age you feel the need to rely on stimulants at all. the legal drinking a... (read in full...)
How do I deal with built up hatred for my ex? He just went missing when I told him I was pregnant and he never cared to check on me until months later
Q. It has been about 4 years since I had an abortion. I had gotten pregnant by my ex. I had also gotten sick around the time I was pregnant. I had to make a choice to have surgery for my illness and lose the baby..or stay sick and keep it..I ...
A. 17 February 2012: Abella is totally correct and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross on Death and dying is an awesome book.
I am sorry you had to make such a tough choice and that your then bf was a jerk about it. But you do have your closure.
Would you consider counsel... (read in full...)
Bf does not pay attention to my breasts...but he does look at those of other women!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend (we have been together for almost a year now.) Our sex life is pretty great except for one thing... I get upset because he doesn't take my top off during sex and doesn't pay attention to my boobs. I admit that i am ...
A. 17 February 2012: “I am feeling very embarassed having to bring up this subject with him.”
You should never feel embarrassed to discuss something with your sexual partner… if you are then that may indicate that there are problems in the relationship… I mean you... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being the only responsible adult in this relationship
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for over 2.5 years. We have a 21 month year old together. We hardly ever get along. I feel unappreciated. I stayed home and collected unemployment even though I wanted to work so I can watch our son while she went to ...
A. 17 February 2012: Trust me when I tell you that kids pick up on the tension between parents even if they never see them fight… staying together for the sake of the kids is NEVER a good idea.
Have you told her you feel that she takes you for granted? Have you cons... (read in full...)
Does any of this mean anything?
Q. Hello cupids I would like to partly provide follow-up to a question i recently asked, and ask for some advice This is the question i asked on valentines day: http://www.dearc...
A. 17 February 2012: I think if you go see him you will find him warm and loving and having sex with you and then he will go back to the old ways.
"it's up to you" is a nice way of saying I DON"T CARE
guard your heart.... (read in full...)
Broken Hearted. How do I get her to love me??? Or how do I move on?
Q. There's this girl I talked to online for a really long time. we spent forever together and i thought things were going fine. we hung out once and it seemed like it went well but she doesn't want me for some reason. she talks to me all the time and...
A. 17 February 2012: oh sweetie playing online games doesn't mean you were a couple.... we play online games too.. .board games and my fiance does an MMO... he talks to people all the time..
what you need to do is get off the computer and out of the virtual world an... (read in full...)
Our sex life isn't working out very equitably
Q. I know I'm a dick for getting frustrated about this and I know that it's my fault, but I don't know what to do. I consider myself pretty good when it comes to sex. I've only had sex with my girlfriend, but I'm usually able to make her cum lik...
A. 17 February 2012: You can't discuss this DURING sex....ore even RIGHT BEFORE. I mean you need to sit down on the couch and talk about it at a totally unsexual relaxed time.
What have you two talked about and tried so far?
Has she discussed this with her gy... (read in full...)
Why can't a married woman be a good friend to an ex-lover?
Q. we are coworker and she is married, i love her truely from the heart still i think about her 24hrs may be she will talk to my like a close good friend (not expected kisses etc) but close friendship as she earlier have with me . sometimes i think ...
A. 16 February 2012: She can’t because she does not want to. I would not want to be very friendly with an ex lover if I was in a new relationship, especially one where the old lover is NOT very accepting and supportive of my trying to distance myself from him so I can ... (read in full...)
Female hygiene question....
Q. hi a question for the ladies on dc. This is a question on female hygiene. How uncomfortable is it for you the day after a night of sex if you dont have time for a shower in the morning. I bring this up as my partner said she didnt want sex after she ...
A. 16 February 2012: To the anonymous male reader who said she is either insecure about her hygiene or she’s just making excuses…
I disagree. If you have EVER had a UTI which women get frequently after sex especially if they don’t “groom” afterwards, you would not ... (read in full...)
Our sex life isn't working out very equitably
Q. I know I'm a dick for getting frustrated about this and I know that it's my fault, but I don't know what to do. I consider myself pretty good when it comes to sex. I've only had sex with my girlfriend, but I'm usually able to make her cum lik...
A. 16 February 2012: Not all your fault but apparently you are sexually mismatched. If you were my partner I would grit my teeth and bear it but I have to be honest more than 5-10 minutes of actual intercourse and I’m done… so not exciting for me…
IF I was having sexu... (read in full...)
I am 15, and just found girl I really like is 13. Is this appropriate?
Q. Hi. uhhm well, where do I start? You see, it all started out with a random friend request from a frape [EDITOR'S NOTE: frape: When a person leaves their laptop/PC unattended whilst signed into Facebook and other people change various parts of their ...
A. 16 February 2012: When you are older then 2.5 years is NOTHING. She’s a baby at 12 and you are on the verge of manhood at 15….
How she looks has no bearing on what she thinks or how she feels… she’s 12 she’s a child in her brain….even if she has the body of a wom... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being the only responsible adult in this relationship
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for over 2.5 years. We have a 21 month year old together. We hardly ever get along. I feel unappreciated. I stayed home and collected unemployment even though I wanted to work so I can watch our son while she went to ...
A. 16 February 2012: All I needed to see was “being a bitch to me for no reason”
You are done. Let her go.
My man makes less than me. He probably always will. I make enough for him to stay home if he wants. But he does not want that. He is currently lai... (read in full...)
I am confused in this beautiful relationship we have..Please advisee
Q. I am 29 years old and in beautiful relationship with this girl (30 years old) I met her 14 months ago and like her so much and she is such a beautiful person and very supportive. She has done a a lot for me, we also have a healthy relationship. ...
A. 16 February 2012: “I know I can do better”
Better than WHAT? Better than a supportive, kind, caring, honest person? Oy vey. You really don’t get what’s important do you?
You don’t want to tell her what? That you don’t find her attractive physically? You... (read in full...)
I'm lucky to "get lucky" once a week...
Q. My fiance and I have been together for seven and a half years. During the past two months, he has been showing symptoms of hypothyroidism..such as hair loss in patches, dizzy spells, fatigue, and most concerning, lack of libido. We used to have sex ...
A. 16 February 2012: Are you still affectionate?
I have to admit that since we have moved in together we’ve gone from sex every other day to maybe once every couple of weeks but there is a great deal of affection an cuddling and kissing… We’ve been stressed with lif... (read in full...)
Broken Hearted. How do I get her to love me??? Or how do I move on?
Q. There's this girl I talked to online for a really long time. we spent forever together and i thought things were going fine. we hung out once and it seemed like it went well but she doesn't want me for some reason. she talks to me all the time and...
A. 16 February 2012: “I talked to ONLINE for a really long time…”
Ok so she was technically virtual… not even an IRL friend.
“we spent forever together”
How did you spend forever together? Skype? Honey that’s like talking on the phone it’s just not really ... (read in full...)
I thought that we were 'meant to be'. Wrong, it seems. Am I capable of loving anyone?
Q. Ok so almost 5 months ago I was in an on and off relationship that overall lasted three months. I felt I was in love with him but he was completely unstable. He broke up with me three times and I stupidly went back with him twice thinking we were ...
A. 16 February 2012: “I don’t want to be in a relationship for a while” is missing the one key point… WITH YOU… they don’t even really know it’s that.. they may actually think it’s about all people but it’s about not fitting with you.
“I don’t want to ever get marr... (read in full...)
His texting to me is unpredictable. If he texts me again shall I just ignore him?
Q. I have been texting a guy for several months now. We have met 3 times. Anyway his texts are not consistent. He will text me every few weeks and will only ask to meet when he is out drinking. I text him back the other day, got one text back to which...
A. 16 February 2012: Why in the world would you think that having a relationship via text message is a good idea?
texts are not reliable and don't always go through and are often misunderstood.
but that's beside the point.
the point is this: "He will text me ... (read in full...)
How can I identify and where can I meet women who will not cheat on me?
Q. I am 23 and I have only had one girl friend who broke my heart, the reason why I dont date a lot is mainly because of that and I am slighty shy around the oppsite sex. Anyways here is my Question where can I meet women who will not cheat on me?...
A. 16 February 2012: Ah if only it worked that easily...
sadly finding someone is trial and error... and as they say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your princess...
do you belong to any groups or religious organizations... a church youth group might work... (read in full...)
I want to go out with a girl my own age. Should I? Feels gut wrenching to do this to my LDR older Gf
Q. Right here goes. I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 years. My girlfriend is Thai so she lives in Thailand and I live in Australia. I visit her quite frequently and when I can and we speak at least 3 times a day. The probl...
A. 16 February 2012: Ok this is NOT about the age gap… this is about the distance… Lets clear that up first of all…
As a woman who just finished an AGLDR (age gapped long distance relationship) by having my now fiancé move in with me I feel I can address these is... (read in full...)
Bf does not pay attention to my breasts...but he does look at those of other women!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend (we have been together for almost a year now.) Our sex life is pretty great except for one thing... I get upset because he doesn't take my top off during sex and doesn't pay attention to my boobs. I admit that i am ...
A. 16 February 2012: have you TOLD him you want breast play? or do you think putting his hands on your breasts is enough
how about you take off your top and bra and you go up to him while he's sitting down and put them in his face? THEN you say... here's a new play... (read in full...)
Female hygiene question....
Q. hi a question for the ladies on dc. This is a question on female hygiene. How uncomfortable is it for you the day after a night of sex if you dont have time for a shower in the morning. I bring this up as my partner said she didnt want sex after she ...
A. 15 February 2012: agreed if i Have sex after my bedtime shower I will wash off that night and then in the morning get in and take a quick shower... it's pretty icky...... (read in full...)
I just cant seem to like girls my age!
Q. So in a weird flip of the coin i have recently started seeing older women. I am 24 and im seeing a lady who is 34 and another who is 42. i have fooled around with a lady who was 63 last week. i really dont know what it is. i find them attractive and ...
A. 20 January 2012: when my fiance was 24 I was 37... I see no issues with being with older women.... (read in full...)
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