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| *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How can she love us both equally?
Q. If a women says she can't choose between 2 Men because she says she's in love with both so when I got out of my relationship and told her 2 Make a choice the other guy is her fiancé so she got so upset that she couldn't go 2 work for over a week she ...
A. 29 February 2012: I left my marriage for a single man. We get engaged tonight. It happens. I wanted to keep both but my husband could not cope.
It's not a good situation and I feel like a total failure...
What concerns me is HIS FAMILY tried to make he... (read in full...)
I'm insecure about my penis size and terrified of being called "small". Is it okay to want a woman who doesn't have a past so that she don't compare my size to others?
Q. Im a 21 year old virgin guy and lately ive been trying to figure out what I want in a girlfriend before I know for sure that im ready to have sex. While trying to figured things out for myself ive realized something. I have female friends that joke ...
A. 22 February 2012: I am so glad we are making progress in getting you to relax
one caveat... do NOT put a time frame (year long) on anything.... let things just happen naturally... you will know when it feels right... it might feel right after say 6 or 9 months ... (read in full...)
I'm insecure about my penis size and terrified of being called "small". Is it okay to want a woman who doesn't have a past so that she don't compare my size to others?
Q. Im a 21 year old virgin guy and lately ive been trying to figure out what I want in a girlfriend before I know for sure that im ready to have sex. While trying to figured things out for myself ive realized something. I have female friends that joke ...
A. 21 February 2012: What goes through my mind….. oy… It’s all very split second… I don’t devote a lot of time to it… to be honest a penis is just what’s attached to the man I care about… again if it didn’t work but his mouth and hands do I’m fine….
But as to what ... (read in full...)
I slept with a married man and now he doesn't call me
Q. I slept with a married man a week ago. It was only once but I've been feeling terrible since. I had known him for three years. After that night, he texted me once or twice mentioning how great that night was. I texted him back but I tried to distant ...
A. 20 February 2012: mistakes happen... bad choices teach us to make better choices next time.
beating yourself up accomplishes nothing...
use this as a learning tool and make positive changes for yourself.... (read in full...)
The Cody Chronicles, Part 3: Should I reject Cody simply on the basis of the rumors about him (like him having sex with a goat)?
Q. Sorry if the questions about Cody are annoying but the people of DearCupid are my only resource for advice that I take pride in and trust. So I know that y'all know what's right. Well anyways, Cody has a horrible reputation. Every time I mention his ...
A. 19 February 2012: even if the rumors are NOT true, if you go out with cody you will get a skanky reputation just like him just because you go out with him..... do you want that?... (read in full...)
Guy said I was too small for him so now he doesn't call anymore
Q. I met this guy in facebook...he asked for my number...called me several times...and we had a date...after our first date he stopped calling me....when i asked he told that he felt im too small for him...he is 9yrs older than me....but i love him and ...
A. 19 February 2012: clearly after he met you he felt that there was no chemistry with you worth pursuing...
find another to love.... you are in love with an idea... not a man.... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend called me lazy and now says we don't have a future together
Q. Some relevant background: I have something akin to either PMDD or a thyroid disorder, having really bad luck with doctors but trying to work through it. My boyfriend, for his part, is bipolar, but medicated. We had a conversation yesterday where ...
A. 19 February 2012: You are LDR and I think with his behavior so upsetting to you that you are better off at bare minimum taking a break from each other.
IF he had you so upset over his OPINION that you needed to take a Klonopin then I think this may be a toxic re... (read in full...)
Why is my vagina this color?
Q. Hi, I've recently become quite concerned about the colour of my vagina. Its a very dark pink/red colour, as far as i'm aware it has always been that colour, it doesn't hurt, I haven't slept with anyone in years and I always use protection. Is it no...
A. 19 February 2012: I'm assuming you are referring to your external genitalia as your vagina since you see your vulva (the part that's outside) and maybe the labia but to see the actually vagina would take a speculum a mirror and a flashlight... as it's the INTERNAL ... (read in full...)
What keeps people in marriages when they are no longer in love?
Q. When you have been married to your husband for 35 years and are no longer IN LOVE with him but Love him as a person, is it possible to continue to stay married? What is it that actually makes a person stay in a marriage where you are NOT IN LOVE ...
A. 19 February 2012: it's easy to stay... your not UNHAPPY your not being abused your just not HAPPY.... it's why there were so few divorces when marriages were arranged. you did not marry for love.
it was a business deal....
you stay because you have chi... (read in full...)
B/f is dating 2 of us at the same time. He says he's just "pretending" to date her!
Q. I'v been dating a guy almost a month now, recently, he told me that he was dating a different girl and he's doing that to please her he disclosed to me that im the one he loves even though he's pretending to be dating her. Should i believe him? I ...
A. 19 February 2012: he's pretending to date her to please her but he loves you?
why does he want to please her but not please you the girl he supposedly loves?
he's dating two... if you want exclusive he's not the one to give it to you....... (read in full...)
How do you avoid feeling second best when your significant other has an ex-spouse?
Q. How do you deal when your significant other has an ex-wife (or ex-husband), and they have a reasonably pleasant relationship? How do you avoid feeling inferior or second best?...
A. 19 February 2012: if you were second best they wouldn't be an ex to the first and you would not have them as an SO
you don't leave perfection.... and perfection does not leave you....
if you put your SO's former partner on a pedestal you create a perfection you... (read in full...)
Lies stacked upon lies and now my ex doesn't trust me
Q. I have been with this girl for 2 years and we have been very much in love. The problem is, when we first met I told her some lies about my past and as time went on I didn't know how to take them back. so I told more lies and things are in a very bad ...
A. 19 February 2012: I'm not sure if WHAT the lies are/were about would make a difference.
the lies that were told to me were innocuous in terms of our lives together... they were just made to make him feel good about himself... but they undermined my trust about IM... (read in full...)
Lies stacked upon lies and now my ex doesn't trust me
Q. I have been with this girl for 2 years and we have been very much in love. The problem is, when we first met I told her some lies about my past and as time went on I didn't know how to take them back. so I told more lies and things are in a very bad ...
A. 19 February 2012: You can't. Sadly you must use this as a lesson learned.
my last marriage broke up and one of the biggest problems were his lies... and they were stupid lies... like what he did before me (work related) or who he knew (famous people)
so tha... (read in full...)
I'm insecure about my penis size and terrified of being called "small". Is it okay to want a woman who doesn't have a past so that she don't compare my size to others?
Q. Im a 21 year old virgin guy and lately ive been trying to figure out what I want in a girlfriend before I know for sure that im ready to have sex. While trying to figured things out for myself ive realized something. I have female friends that joke ...
A. 19 February 2012: Listen to me very carefully... I would marry an impotent man with a talented tongue and good hands over a guy with a working penis and no manual and oral skills any day of the week....
and in the case of a penis.. I've had small. I've had average,... (read in full...)
How can I get bigger boobs and better hair?
Q. I was just wondering...how can I look more attractive? I feel I look good but how can I get bigger boobs naturally? Also how can I make my hair thicker and volumed?...
A. 19 February 2012: Cleavage is all in the bra according to my plastic surgeon so good foundation garments are a must... underlying muscles (pecs) should be strong too.
as for hair... eat well.... lots of protein... good fats (nuts avocados etc) use shampoo ... (read in full...)
My parents want to press charges if I keep contact with this older boy! I'm depressed...
Q. I'm 15 and have been talking to a 19 year old guy for about 3 months. (yes I really do know him). My mom and dad found out, and their making me stop talking to him, or they'll file a police report, since he's over aged. What do I do? I'm really ...
A. 19 February 2012: you stop seeing him!
he will GO To JAIL.
he will be FOREVER registered as a sex offender.
He will NOT get jobs or go to school or better his life EVER
there is a huge difference between a 19 yr old man and a 15 yr old girl.
IF you guys a... (read in full...)
My mom's death is taking a toll on all of us. How can I help my younger sister and sort everything out?
Q. I am a 13 year old girl. I am quite mature for my age; however I really don’t feel ready to handle what is happening to me right now. My mother died a few months ago, after her 2nd struggle with cancer. My dad was obviously incredibly upset when it ...
A. 19 February 2012: Dear sweet motherless daughter...
My heart truly bleeds for your entire family. I lost my mom when I was already a mother myself and it was 16 years ago and yet I feel your loss as deeply at this moment as if I was doing it all again today.
... (read in full...)
Can I send a message to the wife of the man my sister is cheating with to tell her of the affair?
Q. My sister has a affair with a married man, it was a lovely affair, and they had slept together one night, from that day he is not talking with my sister and she suffers lot from that. Because he had told my sister what he did for my sister is not ...
A. 19 February 2012: It is NOT ok for you to send a note.
Your sister is wrong to have a relationship with another woman's husband and expect anything but bad treatment.
He is wrong for lying to his wife and cheating on her as well.
The wife may know and... (read in full...)
I slept with a married man and now he doesn't call me
Q. I slept with a married man a week ago. It was only once but I've been feeling terrible since. I had known him for three years. After that night, he texted me once or twice mentioning how great that night was. I texted him back but I tried to distant ...
A. 19 February 2012: do not call him.
instead write a very long detailed letter to him tell him everything. IN WRITING.
then seal it in an envelope and put it away in a drawer for years and years.... later on when you read it you will see how much you have grown a... (read in full...)
I slept with a married man and now he doesn't call me
Q. I slept with a married man a week ago. It was only once but I've been feeling terrible since. I had known him for three years. After that night, he texted me once or twice mentioning how great that night was. I texted him back but I tried to distant ...
A. 19 February 2012: you haven't' tried to contact him.
you don't want to get involved with him and yet you are wondering why he hasn't called?
be grateful he's not contacting you.
as to why... it's easy you are no longer a challenge... he got sex now ... (read in full...)
Should I give my son's father another chance?
Q. my ex (we will call him Kyle) and I were together forever, we started "dating" in middle school (we were 13 I think) we were best friends and everything we did we did together. Shortly after graduation things went down hill. We were both in college ...
A. 18 February 2012: without the drink and the drugs... (i.e. he's working his recovery) If it was ME I would give him a second chance.
But he has to be working his program... not just talking the talk.... clean and sober he's probably very much a new and differen... (read in full...)
I deleted him off facebook. So should I message him and explain why?
Q. I have a crush on this guy for three years now. Even though we never got together, the chance we did have was thrown out the window for a number of factor. (he went back to his country + was seeing other women). I decided to be just friends ...
A. 18 February 2012: write the letter.... long and detailed and personal... put EVERYTHING in it.
then seal it in an envelope and put it in the bottom of a drawer...
you get to say what you need to say.... he doesn't know
and years from now when you read it you... (read in full...)
He thinks that I should ask his permission before I go out with my friends!
Q. me and bf have been together for nearly six years both in twenties. we have been arguing really bad so i went up his house to try and sort it out but we couldn't resolve anything. i ended up going down my girlfriends house and going out ...
A. 18 February 2012: the other day I told my fiance that I live with:
"i'm going to do taxes with d" (my bestest girlfriend for 20 some odd years) and i ended up having lunch with her and going shopping too... I was gone from before lunch till after dinner..... (read in full...)
My college lover: Should I continue with him or cut all ties?
Q. i am in college; A guy and I has been on and off friends for about 2 years, during that time we have had intercourse and also tried become more than friend. During one of our periods of being apart he got into a relationship, but his girlfriend ...
A. 18 February 2012: he's cheating on his gf. the person he's supposed to love and adore and be totally honest with.
if he can cheat and lie to her then he can do ii to you
he's not trustworthy
cut all contact.... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend not trust me or want me to go to the library?
Q. Hi guys. Just looking for some advice. My main questions: Do you think this is acceptable in a relationship? Am I in the wrong? What would you do if you were me? Any other comments? Ok so the situation: I work part time/full time stud...
A. 18 February 2012: you should not have to prove yourself to be trust worthy
his insecurity and jealousy if you've done nothing wrong is in his own head and you can't fix that unless you are joined at the hip 24/7 and that's not feasible or reasonable.
I do no... (read in full...)
What do I do when my boyfriend ignores me?
Q. what to do when my boy friend ignores me a lot and does not meet me nor does answer my call nor texts me and just avoids me what do i do ? ...
A. 18 February 2012: you go out and you get a life with other friends because clearly hon, he's just not that into you.... (read in full...)
I have health problems but I still would like to have sex
Q. Hi Iam a 31 male. I have a health problem. Iam digonised with SMA 3(MOD NOTE: Spinal Muscular Atrophy). Due to this, Iam not mobile on my own. So socializing is problem. I have been advices not to get married. Iam still a virgin but feel the need ...
A. 18 February 2012: when you say you are not mobile on your own do you mean you are bedridden or are you in a wheelchair.
if you are in a wheelchair that to me is not a big deal....
if you can find groups that have things that interest you and go out and meet peo... (read in full...)
My b/f moved out and now I don't know how to act around him
Q. Hii y'all, so my bf and I decided on him movinv out for a little while, he moved in with his sister and her bf, I went over to their house and couldn't stop crying, I miss him to much, I'm used to living with him and this is a complete change for ...
A. 18 February 2012: He moved out and you are unhappy... so I guess HE decided and YOU agreed because after all what else could you do? I mean if you said "NO I don't want you to go" he probably would have gone anyway.
you don't move out cause things are going we... (read in full...)
Does he still want to be with me?
Q. So I've only known my boyfriend for about 3 months and we started dating about a month and a half ago and him and i are 5 years apart. He doesnt seem interested in me as much as he was when we were just friends, at the beginning of the ...
A. 18 February 2012: you are 5 years apart... that means he is either 11 or 12 or he is 21 or 22
either way he's too far from your current age... age gaps are FINE later in life as a teen I strongly don't recommend more than 2 year difference.
I"m betting he's old... (read in full...)
Should I ask to stay in contact with my teacher after he retires once I graduate and if so, when and how should I ask?
Q. I want to keep in touch with my freshman algebra teacher who retired in 2009 and he's kind of shy and likes his privacy. When I asked one of his friends who still works at my school if she could ask him if I could contact him (this was when I...
A. 18 February 2012: Keep him as a great memory and let it go sweetie..
he's retiring to florida you are just beginning your life...
I graduated high school in 1978 and I have GREAT memories of my 11th grade english teacher who probably is still teaching somewhe... (read in full...)
Friend gives lame answer and then no reply, what should I do?
Q. I asked a friend to catch up for my birthday. But he said he had no money, but can't he just borrow money from his family- who he lives with? He's used this excuse before, but I mean it's my birthday tomorrow. And I'm having my wisdom tooth removed ...
A. 18 February 2012: borrowing money to go out with a friend is not a good reason.
if he's broke he's broke. if you want to see him badly enough figure out something to do that costs no money or you pay since YOU ASKED him to go out.... (read in full...)
Is this girl interested? She puts off seeing me but didn't say no
Q. Hi, I just phoned up this girl I have a crush on and I asked her out to dinner (it took a lot of nerve on my part but I won't go into that). When she asked who else is coming I said that I was thinking 'just you and me'. And she said, 'You a...
A. 18 February 2012: Good for you for picking up the phone and calling her. Aunt SVC is very proud of you!
She is interested in spending time with you as she agreed to the date... it does not mean she wants to go steady or sleep with you just see how you two click...... (read in full...)
How do I get back my confidence after finding out my wife had an affair?
Q. I have been married for 18 year to my college love. I just learned that she had an affair with some one that she use to date before me. I have forgiven her and want to move on with our life together but I am badly hurt. My ego and self esteem is ...
A. 18 February 2012: I think you need to go to therapy to determine why your wife's actions are what you base your sense of self-worth on.
what others do does not define who you are.
her cheating is her issue NOT a reflection on you.
will you ever trust h... (read in full...)
The cleaning lady is coming on to me, how do I proceed from here?
Q. So the cleaning lady comes over every Friday to the house and i kind of have a crush on her. There are times when were home alone together and i swear i get the feeling that she wants me! She's like 45-46 im 19. She's always sparking conversation ...
A. 18 February 2012: is she YOUR cleaning lady or your mom's?
I doubt your mother would want you boinkikng the cleaning lady... I know if I had a good cleaning lady I would not want to risk losing her because she was boinking my son and that did not work out.
why... (read in full...)
My husband would rather watch porn and get an erection and masturbate than have sex with me! Where did I go wrong?
Q. I have been married to my husband for almost 14 years and over the last 6 months to a year I have noticed he is into his porn more than he is into me. He came home early one afternoon and asked me if I wanted to have sex with him... I jumped at the ...
A. 18 February 2012: There is NOTHING wrong with you... this is your husband's problem and if he does not get help in a professional capacity for it your marriage at least in the sexual arena is doomed.
I was a swinger with my last husband. He watched porn but we s... (read in full...)
I'm so hurt my husband told me that I suck in bed!
Q. Im so hurt my husband has told me i suck in bed and he would rather masterbate to porn. he does it often and locks himself in the room for 2 plus hours but im lucky if we spend 30 mins having sex. im so hurt and dont know what to do. He doesnt think ...
A. 18 February 2012: I agree it's one thing to watch porn it's another to be insulting.
Personally he's as far out of line as a spouse can get IMO.
I'm also going to go out on a limb (as is my style) and make two suggestions of what you can do
1. leave the ma... (read in full...)
Does anyone deserve a second chance?
Q. when someone has cheated, should you give them a second chance?...
A. 17 February 2012: depends on many things.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 7 years says if I don't give him a child he will leave me
Q. So, My bf of 7yrs has giving me an ultimatum that if I don't give him a kid he is going to leave me..Mind you he has a daughter who is being raised by her mother and he feels since he has no say he is giving up and wants to have one with me cuz he's ...
A. 17 February 2012: wave bye-bye....
seriously what in the world do you even have to think about... he wants a child you do not... it's a NO BRAINER...
... (read in full...)
He says move on, but I want to get back together. What do I do?
Q. I'm seperated from my partner for 8months and we've got 2 children together who are living with me. The children have said to him several times that they want us to come back but he said 'NO'. I've not had sex since then and i want to with him. He ...
A. 17 February 2012: You need to let go the idea that he's coming back.
the only reason he's having contact with you is for the children.
HE may DECIDE to sleep with you... do you NOT have any say in this?
I think you need to accept that he does not want to... (read in full...)
How can she love us both equally?
Q. If a women says she can't choose between 2 Men because she says she's in love with both so when I got out of my relationship and told her 2 Make a choice the other guy is her fiancé so she got so upset that she couldn't go 2 work for over a week she ...
A. 17 February 2012: It's very possible to love more than one man.
You love more than one child... you love more than one parent... why can't you love more than one partner?
I was in that situation last year and had my then husband been able to cope I would have... (read in full...)
Should I just see who I like more or should I tell my friends to stop trying to hook me up?
Q. Hello! I'm a 15 year old girl in highschool :) I like these two boys and I don't know who I like more. My friend is trying to hook me up with this boy in my 3rd block class and my other friend is trying to hook me up with my friend that I've kno...
A. 17 February 2012: at your age it's a good idea to keep your options open
don't pin yourself down to one if you don't know which one... that means you are not ready to make a choice
so be open and available to being friends with all of them.
but NO to sex... (read in full...)
Meeting Online - Your Opinions?
Q. Hello! A bit of background: I'm 20! Being quite traditional with my views on most issues, it's not really a shock that I'm sceptical about the online arena when it comes to meeting people. I have always thought that it's not a very pure way of...
A. 17 February 2012: Nope it doesn't. I have to remember and remind myself that I met my current partner at a gaming convention in real life not online... I'm so used to meeting people online.
I've met other friends online that are local and have become some of my be... (read in full...)
Do you think I should end the relationship NOW or try and give it a go and see what happens?
Q. I am moving to another country in two weeks to finish high school (a year and a half). My boyfriend and I agreed to keep the relationship during that time, but I just found out they are opening the perfect university for me in London next year and I ...
A. 17 February 2012: I think that as young as you are that it's probably a good idea to end the romance part of this relationship. if you are supposed to be together later on you will both know it and pick up later.
if you aren't and you stay together one of you may ... (read in full...)
Is it possible that he's become distant to me due to it getting close to the finalisation of his divorce?
Q. Hello, Hoping I will be able to get some answers here.. I've known a guy for nearly two years on and off (we are both in our 30s). We dated a couple of years ago, however he was going through a trial separation with his wife. During these mo...
A. 17 February 2012: THEY STILL LIVE TOGETHER.. wow in my state you can’t even begin divorce proceedings till you have lived apart for a year…
I’d not be getting involved with a man who lived with his wife ex or otherwise…
if they are that close to finishing t... (read in full...)
I wanted to marry my girlfriend and now I don't. Now what?
Q. This year will mark the 10 year anniversary of me meeting my girlfriend. Early in the relationship we talked of marriage, but neither of us really believed in it and we were trying to establish our careers - moving around and generally unstab...
A. 17 February 2012: Oh btw speaking of married but not the paper… there are a few states in the USA that still do recognize common law marriages…
STATES THAT RECOGNIZE COMMON LAW MARRIAGE:
Only a few states recognize common law marriages:
Alabama
Colo... (read in full...)
I wanted to marry my girlfriend and now I don't. Now what?
Q. This year will mark the 10 year anniversary of me meeting my girlfriend. Early in the relationship we talked of marriage, but neither of us really believed in it and we were trying to establish our careers - moving around and generally unstab...
A. 17 February 2012: What’s the difference between “I don’t want to live my life without her” and “I want to get married” just a piece of paper.
Are your funds co-mingled
Are you living in a house you both own?
Who pays the bills
Who owns the cars? Is it joi... (read in full...)
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