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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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His move will cause us to be apart. Why is he acting like the change is my fault?
Q. This is complicated and for length I may have left important parts out, so bear with me. Basically my boyfriend got a job in a city. I do not want to live in the city and he is giving me an ultimatum that either I move there with him or he'll break ...
A. 4 May 2012: FWIW my fiance moved 2 hours from his home to my home and gave up everything... he's still looking for a job and it's nearly 5 months... thankfully I can support us with his unemployment...
can you take an interim job while you are looking?... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 1 May 2012: I understand... what does your gut say... 2 out of three...
your mind is correct in this case.... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 30 April 2012: Thank you!
She is right you have to love and accept her where she is. You can never be with someone hoping they will change...
but if all she eats is carrots she is very malnourished and will be very sick... but then most alcoholics are m... (read in full...)
Scared of having sex with my FWB and worried he will compare me to his ex....
Q. i've been on and off with this guy for two years now, we've dated twice but its hard now with me being at uni and him in year 12 so we're just friends, with benefits i guess you could say. we've done everything except handjob and sex..i'm actually...
A. 30 April 2012: On and off for two years and you are at most 17….
If you are scared of giving a hand job then you are not ready
HE LIED TO YOU
He won’t judge you or compare you to his ex girlfriend because you are NOT a girlfriend you will be a handy penis holder... (read in full...)
I'm 23 and my parents control my life
Q. Hi,mine is going to be a pretty long story so please be patient and kind enouf to read it I am 23 years old,and in my final year of med school,throughout my life I have been controlled by my parents,not that they hit me or anything they give me ...
A. 30 April 2012: You are going to have to risk losing your family to stand up for yourself.
I'm often amazed at how most parents later on (like when GRANDCHILDREN come into being) relent and accept back into their lives the children they disowned for standing... (read in full...)
Why isn't he excited anymore?
Q. I have been talking to this Spanish guy on Skype for six months now. We met on a random chat site but we video chated so I've seen him on camera. We always have good conversations, despite the language barrier. He always tells me how beautiful I am ...
A. 30 April 2012: I agree with Tisha..
now that your trip is here, he's rethinking meeting you as that makes it all real... words on a computer screen don't' really mean much.
go and enjoy yourself and have a GREAT time...... (read in full...)
We are in a LDR relationship but never met, how do we talk?
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for 15 months now. We are in different countries and have never met yet. Lately, I've noticed that things arent what they used to be. Earlier we couldnt stop talking, now its like sometimes we run out of ...
A. 30 April 2012: when do you plan to meet?
15 months having NOT met ever, I'm sorry it's not much of a relationship...
and it sounds like he is not as into you as you are into him.... prepare yourself for this "relationship" to wind down soon...
... (read in full...)
I'm 21 but I still have to ask my mom if I want to go anywhere! How do I get more freedom?
Q. I'm 21 but I have to ask my mom whenever I want to go somewhere. Whether it's going out with friends, to a school event, or even going to the library after class. Although they usually say OK, she will sometimes pester me about where I'm going. I ...
A. 30 April 2012: You have to ask for permission to go or you have to tell her out of common courtesy... it's two different things.
I had a similar problem but I was 29 and living in my own home... my mother would grill me for information about where I was and who ... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 30 April 2012: so you knew each other and she left to go to uni?
RARELY do these relationships last and work out...
perhaps you can tell her that she is drinking too much for your comfort level (this way the problem is YOURS and you are not being critical o... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my boyfriend of 6 years even though the spark has gone? Or leave him for the schizophrenic, compulsive liar who I've only ever flirted with over the phone?
Q. I am falling for 2 men, I can't seen to choose who to stay with! one i have been with for 6 years we are both the same age 6 days apart even lol i loved but i have started losing my spark with him. he used to be romantic now he's not hasn't been for ...
A. 30 April 2012: Guy one: no spark, bad hygiene, abusive, unemployed, and you are not attracted to him
Guy two: liar, schizophrenic (probably the hardest of mental illnesses to work with) heart condition (there is no way they told him he will live till 33… doct... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 30 April 2012: you cannot inspire her to stop drinking.
you cannot even tell her to stop drinking more
you can ASK her but it' won't do any good...
folks have to be self motivated if she wants to stop she will...
even if you are together full time if sh... (read in full...)
I'm 22 weeks pregnant and I think he might be cheat on me
Q. When I started a new job last June, I started a relationship with a man at work. Not the best timing since he was just at the beginning of ending his 12 year marriage. That being said, I guess I'm worried now. I've heard rumors of him cheating, and ...
A. 30 April 2012: What makes you think that you are not worth loving? Because he’s a JERK? How does one man’s behavior signify that YOU are not worth loving???... (read in full...)
He wants to move in asap, but no mention of marriage. If we move in now, will we still marry?
Q. Hi there. My boyfriend of 2 years wants us to live together and I want to wait until we're married. I know for sure if I said let's move in together he would do it tomorrow but I have realised over the past month or two he's not exactly rushing ...
A. 30 April 2012: have you asked him why he's so quick to want to live with you but not marry you?
you really need to ask him... I'm betting that he doesn't think that you are the right girl for him but he's willing to settle on living together.
or he may not... (read in full...)
I'm 22 weeks pregnant and I think he might be cheat on me
Q. When I started a new job last June, I started a relationship with a man at work. Not the best timing since he was just at the beginning of ending his 12 year marriage. That being said, I guess I'm worried now. I've heard rumors of him cheating, and ...
A. 30 April 2012: trust your gut... if you think he's cheating he probably is. Especially with a history of it.... (read in full...)
I hope I made the right decision by breaking up with my boyfriend for being controlling and abusive
Q. Hello everyone! Thank you so much for taking the time out for reading this and helping me through this difficult time in my life, I am 22 and am feeling pretty hopeless at the moment. i just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months because of...
A. 30 April 2012: I think you are very wise to be strong and continue to stay away from him.
calling you names is never right
accusing you of watching other men is insecurity on his part
you can't fix that
the whole issue about not watching him enough when you ... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend secretly want me pregnant?
Q. Hello Dearcupid, I think my boyfriend secretly wants me to get pregnant. He keeps asking me when my cycle is, and brought up how I threw up one morning. I'm on the pill, so my breasts have gotten bigger and he asked me if I thought it was because ...
A. 30 April 2012: sounds odd... usually men worry about women NOT getting pregnant... and liking it that way
I think you need to ask him what's up with this....
and if you say you can't, then you need to consider that you are having an intimate relationship wit... (read in full...)
Can I change her bad ways by loving her?
Q. Right so i have known this girl and i've dated her on and off. i feel an intense attraction towards her. She's a gorgeous lass but Problem is, she has a terrible family background and as a result has led quite a wayward life. She hasn't been abl...
A. 30 April 2012: you are dreaming my friend..
you can't fix her...
you want to and I understand that but "pretty woman" only happens in the movies...
do NOT give her money any more and watch how fast she dries up.... for you...... (read in full...)
Are most Friends with Benefits relationships usually kept secret or not?
Q. Hi everyone just a quick question about Friends With Benefits (fwbs) I am currently in one with a guy I really like I was just wondering if all fwbs are usually kept secret or do people tell each other they are in one? I have asked this question...
A. 29 April 2012: As Person12345 said : "If you like this guy, you should end the FWB as this will only end in heartbreak for you"
I agree 100% or more. IF you really like him all he's doing is using you sweetheart... and if speaks of you to his friends ... (read in full...)
How do I see this boy but not upset my friend?
Q. The thing is there's this boy, I met him at my friends house about a month ago. Around 5 or 6 weeks ago he got with my friend and they did things together, but after a while he decided he didn't want to see her anymore. As her friend I know she had ...
A. 29 April 2012: When I was 15 years old a guy said to me
"friends are harder to come by than lovers"
it's had such a profound impact on me that nearly 40 years later I remember that like it was yesterday...
if you went to your friend and told her wha... (read in full...)
Does a lack of sex justify cheating in a committed relationship?
Q. Could the lack of sex in my relationship have caused my boyfriend to cheat? We were together for 2 years and we both live at home with our parents. We both come from very strict households which made it hard for us to have that "quality time" to...
A. 29 April 2012: NOTHING justifies cheating in a committed relationship.
Congrats on being strong enough to end it with him.
you have permission to feel lousy for 6 weeks...
you can write him long long letters that you never send... seal them up in an envelo... (read in full...)
My insecure wife constantly accuses me of looking at other women!
Q. My wife and I have a problem. We have been together 8 years, we are mid 30's early 40's (I am 6 years younger), unable to have children after having multiple miscarriages. My problem is this; that every time we go out, be it the mall, supermarket, ...
A. 29 April 2012: She is 6 years older and infertile.
She feels old and useless and thinks that you want young and fertile.
It is in her head and she needs to get some counseling...
She won't see this and it may be better for a bit to at least go under t... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to be more physically dominant without having to say anything?
Q. Hey, I am wondering if anyone can help me figure myself out. I have fantasies of being dominated - specifically a man grabbing my arms or wrists, pinning me up against the wall, or cornering me. I have had an ex that did that a little but i hat...
A. 29 April 2012: get a lovely silk scarf...
dress in your best lingerie
take the scarf... walk up to him
drape the scarf around his neck
grab each end while facing him..
start walking (backwards) to the bedroom
and say in your most seductiv... (read in full...)
His move will cause us to be apart. Why is he acting like the change is my fault?
Q. This is complicated and for length I may have left important parts out, so bear with me. Basically my boyfriend got a job in a city. I do not want to live in the city and he is giving me an ultimatum that either I move there with him or he'll break ...
A. 29 April 2012: how far apart will you two be when he moves?
he is being unfair btw... and 2 years well
a. it's not that long
but
b. he may find he likes the city (although with Aspergers I'm not so sure) and want to stay after two years..
basically he ... (read in full...)
He's a teen and I am 22. Will the age difference not matter so much when we are in our 20s?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for over a year as we go to uni together. I am 22 and he is 18 turning 19 at the end of the year. We have kissed on a few occasions but nothing more and recently we have been getting closer and I have deve...
A. 29 April 2012: best friends do not cuddle and kiss...
I'm 52 I am OLD right? yep my kids are older than you.
My fiance... 38... yes I am more than 13 YEARS older than my fiance... he is closer in age to my oldest son... and great chums with my other so... (read in full...)
I'm engaged. But should I act on my powerful crush I have with my co-worker?
Q. I have been working with this married woman for about two years. I'm engaged. There was an instant attraction. She is this sexy hipster with a really cute face and a hot body. We started texting and the texts became heated. We decided to pull bac...
A. 29 April 2012: DO you really think that we are going to say yes?
DC is a bit moralistic about cheating..
this is my honest take on it..
go to you fiance and tell her exactly what you wrote here
tell her you want to "hit that and get it out of your sy... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be repulsed by oral sex?
Q. Hi. I'm 17 years old and I'm dating a 21 year old man. We've been dating for 2.3 years and I lost my virginity to him over a year ago. He is my first boyfriend and was my first everything. Anyway, we have a pretty active sex life (3-4x a week) and ...
A. 29 April 2012: OP we have the same problem only it's my fiance that can't stomach giving oral...
I disagree a bit with Cerberus as I often tease my fiance about wanting his head between my legs (but NEVER while we are in bed) as I miss it very very much. I... (read in full...)
I tried shaving private area with a razor but it grows back too fast. What else can I try?
Q. i feel really self conscious when it comes to shaving down there. i love it to be completely smooth so use a razor, but after a day or 2 it starts to grow back and feels really prickley. however its not long enough to shave without hurting and ...
A. 29 April 2012: I much prefer having it waxed... (yes all of it) it lasts longer and the longer you do it the less hair you have...
yes there are times you have a bit of hair but it will be 1/4 of an inch at the longest.
there is an expense there but if you... (read in full...)
Girls would you be OK with this? Guys how do you feel about men having strippers at a bachelor's party?
Q. I am just asking this question out of curiousity. It is for both men and women. How do you feel about men having strippers at a bachelor's party? Maybe it is because I have low self-esteem but if my fiance was enjoying that kind of show, I woul...
A. 28 April 2012: I've been to parties with strippers... NBD in my opinion.
I don't much care where my man gets his appetite as long as he eats at home...... (read in full...)
Is this normal for a menstrual cycle?
Q. Hi this is a question for the women I am 25 I started my periods when I was 13 they have always been irregular but I was just wondering if this was normal the past two months I have had my period that lasted three or four days and then four days ...
A. 28 April 2012: could be normal expecially if you still have irregular periods... fwiw mine were always irregular until after I had children and later had my tubes tied... in other words I was irregular till I was in my 30s...
to be honest, if you are concerne... (read in full...)
32 year old woman/19 year old man
Q. I feel like a damn fool. I'm an attractive, intelligent woman and over the course of the last year or so, I have found myself growing more attracted (emotionally, physically and mentally) to a beautiful, extremely mature 19 year old man. Sometimes I ...
A. 28 April 2012: what feedback do you want?
on his age?
on the fact that he had sex with you and then stood you up? (was that the first time he stood you up? have you had contact from him since you had sex?)
or the fact that you feel weird about being 13... (read in full...)
My wife passed away and I'm left with a difficult daughter who I have no clue how to deal with
Q. My wife of seven years recently just passed (car crash). we actually met for the first time when i was in the 2nd grade she was the child of a close family friend but being thats shes five years older then me we rarely conversated in those days. ...
A. 28 April 2012: I am so sorry for your loss and for your daughter's loss.
Motherless Daughters are a very special problem I suggest that you read the book "Motherless Daughters" to get what your poor child is going through.
IF she has ADHD then yes it is a... (read in full...)
This guy only texts me when he wants to talk dirty!
Q. I really like this guy and it seems like he only texts me when he wants to talk dirty. He knows that I'm not ready for sex or anything but I don't know if I should still persue him becuse he doesn't text back or talk to me that often....
A. 28 April 2012: ignore him
all he wants is dirty talk from you
he does not care about you as a person
... (read in full...)
Are all women paranoid, especially when they are in a LDR?
Q. do all women get paronoid, thats what my boyfriend of nearly 3 years called me last night on the net, which upset me, but hes right, its LDR and we are due to move in together soon cause the distance is getting to us a bit more now, been loyal ...
A. 27 April 2012: hang in there.. the time between the move and making the decision to move is the hardest.. we knew by June we would move in together.. he even signed a lease for another year thinking we would wait till August of this year.
By October he was b... (read in full...)
This jerk is dating behind my back!
Q. This guy that I am seeing is on a dating site. A friend found it and showed me. I Hate him so much for leading me on. He dosent know I know that he on a dating site.I thought it was old but he just logged in hours before so I know he uses it. My ...
A. 27 April 2012: You just tell him "I know about XYZ site and we are done"
and you go NO CONTACT (he will try to lie and say all sorts of things and make all sorts of promises)
you owe him no kindness
he lied to you
he cheated on you
he will always l... (read in full...)
I don't know if my b/f loves me as much as I love him
Q. Hi. My bf and I love each other. But I'm starting to doubt his love for me. The other day we were watching a movie and the guy saved his life by cutting off his hand and he still got married and had kids. I asked him if someday I lose a part of m...
A. 27 April 2012: Well at your age I think he's being realistic.
If god forbid tomorrow you were in an accident and were severely injured and ended up in a wheelchair for life what would you want him to do? Me? I'd offer my man his freedom.. in fact, i did that... (read in full...)
What are the signs a guy loves you?
Q. what are the sign that a boy loves you ......
A. 27 April 2012: well at your age I would hope it's a man...
but I wrote this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-you-can-tell-someone-loves-you.html
his words mean nothing
how does he treat you?
... (read in full...)
He's too old for me do I stay or go?
Q. I've divorced my husband after 20 together. I wasnt happy in my marriage for a long time. I've met this man while I was divorcing my husband. He is 16 years my senior. He is helpful during my divorce. Two years on I find him too old for me but ...
A. 27 April 2012: we need more info...
he's older than you by 16 years
you are sexually attracted to him
is he pushing you to move in or marry him?
why the need to end the relationship?
if you like him
if he likes you
if you are compatible and enjoy e... (read in full...)
She used to talk to guys in the past and knowing this is killing me! How do I forget her past?
Q. guys pls help me out..i hav a g/f and we are in a serious relationship from 7 yrs...but recently some incident took place by which she told me everything about her past...i thought that she would not talk or meet with other guys but i was completely ...
A. 27 April 2012: Do you plan to keep her in a box under your bed? How is she supposed to have a full life if she is not allowed (by you) to speak to other men?
You CANNOT possess another person.
IF you are 25 and have been with her 7 years and she is your age that... (read in full...)
Is this normal for a two-week old baby?
Q. i have a two week old little girl, and she sleeps all the time, she sleeps most of the night and most of the day and never really wakes up for her bottle we have to wake her up normally , she will drink her bottle, have her nappy changed and then...
A. 27 April 2012: Medical questions should be sent to a doctor.
if she is feeding well and putting out enough wet nappies and poop then she's probably fine...
but consult your pediatrician as that's what they are for.... (read in full...)
Was this teacher's behaviour inappropriate?
Q. I'm sitting in class around everyone, my teacher stands beside and in back of me for about 2 minutes not saying a word. Then she starts touching my hair for a good minute. Very awkward and made me feel uncomfortable. Are they allowed to do this? Sh...
A. 27 April 2012: why didn't you tell her to stop?... (read in full...)
Why do men only ever approach me for casual sex?
Q. Hi all, I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship. Nor have I ever been truly asked out or taken out on a date. I've had sex and guys pursue me with only this reason in mind it seems. I'm not a whore though and don't sleep with anyone/ever...
A. 27 April 2012: my ex found his current wife on OKC... it works...
make sure you put in your profile that you are NOT into casual sex..
do you limit yourself to men your age? perhaps looking for someone SLIGHTLY older is a plan?
... (read in full...)
Please help, I feel disgusted.
Q. I feel ashamed of myself after masturbating over webcam to my friend, I found it a buzz at first, but now I feel sick of myself and hate myself for doing it. Is it normal to feel this way? Is it even normal to do it in your mid teens? I can't look ...
A. 27 April 2012: you are normal.
i heard about boys when I was growing up having "circle jerks" where they all sat around in a circle to jerk off...
i didn't get it but ok whatever floats your boat.
experimentation when you are teen is normal...even the AMI... (read in full...)
We are not struggling financially but he threatened to divorce me over spending $10!
Q. I've fallen ill lately, and I'm not just talking about the flu or something like that. I had a major surgery that came with the possibility of death. It's now been about a year, and I've been on bed rest for about 6 months after my surgery and now ...
A. 27 April 2012: IT’s a double standard. My first husband was like that. IF you have enough to remodel a home, buy a hummer and buy hard drives for the computer then you have enough to go out to lunch and buy things for yourself too. My husband wanted me to stay ... (read in full...)
Why do men only ever approach me for casual sex?
Q. Hi all, I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship. Nor have I ever been truly asked out or taken out on a date. I've had sex and guys pursue me with only this reason in mind it seems. I'm not a whore though and don't sleep with anyone/ever...
A. 27 April 2012: What YouWish said... OK CUPID is where poly folks and swingers hang out mostly... that's what I was told...PoF I can't speak to
but if you want quality men on quality sites you are going to have to pay for it.
You are young.. you will meet so... (read in full...)
Are all women paranoid, especially when they are in a LDR?
Q. do all women get paronoid, thats what my boyfriend of nearly 3 years called me last night on the net, which upset me, but hes right, its LDR and we are due to move in together soon cause the distance is getting to us a bit more now, been loyal ...
A. 27 April 2012: I just ended an LDR of a year by moving in together. Shortly after we moved in I had major issues with my back that are permanent and DO affect our sex life (and everything else about our life) and I OFFERED my now fiance a chance to leave the ... (read in full...)
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