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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What can I do to save my relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have three beautiful children together. Over the years we've had ups and downs like most couples but recently its been getting worse. I have gained wait since the birth of our last child who is about ...
A. 9 May 2012: Ok… I’m much more comfortable with you wanting to lose a bit for you. At 5’3” 130 may be too low for you… it depends on your musculature, your bone density and how you carry the weight. At 5’2” I am skeletal at 135 pounds.. but my bones and ... (read in full...)
What can I do to save my relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have three beautiful children together. Over the years we've had ups and downs like most couples but recently its been getting worse. I have gained wait since the birth of our last child who is about ...
A. 9 May 2012: yep you should weigh and measure food
and cheese is high in calories so it adds up fast...
low fat string cheese is good but only once maybe twice a day
focus on lean protein (fish and poultry) fruits and veggies.
make sure your g... (read in full...)
What can I do to save my relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have three beautiful children together. Over the years we've had ups and downs like most couples but recently its been getting worse. I have gained wait since the birth of our last child who is about ...
A. 8 May 2012: Eating more frequently would help you. How overweight are you? Is he being unreasonable? Personally I would not tolerate a man who was that picky about my weight…
If you don’t’ eat frequently enough your body thinks you are in a famine a... (read in full...)
She wants to move her dog in!
Q. my girlfriend moved in with me 5 months ago now she wants to move her dog in i think its a bad ideal dogs need to be kept outdoors or atleast thats how i feel about it help...
A. 5 May 2012: dogs belong on the bed not outside.
if you don't like her dog then end it if she's not willing to give him up.
I gave up my dogs for various reasons but they are with folks that i see so I see the pets and it's better for them....
you ca... (read in full...)
I've been a fool and don't know how to right my wrongs
Q. I am a widow ,but I date and have friends,so I don't really feel lonely.A yr. ago i met a man online and we began a good friendship.He was still somewhat involved with his high school sweetheart.We talked about the relationship or should i say I did ...
A. 5 May 2012: I'm 52 and my fiance is 38...
you need to be honest
age after a certain point does not matter
but with no desire to meet what is going on here? ... (read in full...)
I have let a 19 year old chat me up, and now I'm wondering, what's the harm?
Q. Been a silly girl I know. But have let a 19 yr old chat me up, he's obviously only after one thing, trouble is, I am 40. We're both single. But... Anyway, I have been single 4 yrs now, and working non stop, I keep thinking so what! Bit of fun? All...
A. 5 May 2012: if the only thing holding you back is his age, I can't see a problem with it.... (read in full...)
I'm not asking for much, just for the dog to be on the floor and for my boyfriend to give me a bit more attention than he gives the dog!
Q. I love my boyfriend to bits, but I feel like he doesnt appreciate me. Now we are both students and are very broke have no money, he has a part time job so gets a bit more than me. He drops me off to my house one day and I ask if he would like to ...
A. 5 May 2012: I'd not have a boyfriend like him.
1. he can afford a dog but not the gas to come see you
2. he is not as into you as you are into him
3. the dog and his friends come first
so my advice
stop rowing your relationship boat... see wha... (read in full...)
Any advice for a breadwinner about to buy a house?
Q. Hi every1. I'm 32 yrs an in a relationship bt not married. I'm a breadwinner at home. I'm about to buy a house with my boyfriend an move out at home. My problem is I'm not sure what's going to happen as I don't know what to do as ill have pay school ...
A. 5 May 2012: IF you can't afford it all some of it has to go...
why are you paying for your family?
either you stop paying for your parents and siblings or you don't buy the house...
can you afford the house without your boyfriend? I would not buy ... (read in full...)
Found out g/f sleeps with men to support herself. She says she'll stop if I can support her. I can't. What to do???
Q. OK folks, I have a real dilemma. I am hoping you can help. There is this girl I know who is from a middle eastern country. She is here on a visa. Very pretty, sweet. We started seeing each other, and then got involved. I thought things were perf...
A. 5 May 2012: there is no excuse for her circumstance.
she's a call girl plain and simple.
if i was in need of income and did not have skills, I would sooner work two jobs scrubbing floors than sleep with men for money.
you need to walk away from t... (read in full...)
What can I do to save my relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have three beautiful children together. Over the years we've had ups and downs like most couples but recently its been getting worse. I have gained wait since the birth of our last child who is about ...
A. 5 May 2012: You can't really do anything to save it.
The fact that you are doing everything you can to reclaim a body that produced three children in 6 years should be more than enough.
the fact that you gave him three children and he's complaining abou... (read in full...)
I need an exit strategy to get out of this marriage!
Q. My husband who claims to love me a lot, has cheated on me and even after being togehther 4 years since them, there seems to be little regret and there are other aspects like his fuss over appearances and a selfish moody nature that make me feel like ...
A. 5 May 2012: so he says "i'll just move out" he expects you to beg him to leave
you're response should be "i think it's for the best"
and keep going..... (read in full...)
Should I wing it for my first time?
Q. I am a 21 kiss less virgin (For an idea on my looks, I am a Mixed Martial Artist (so, fit), 65kg, 5,11. And my face is average if not better). I have met this girl online (she is 25) and she is really into me, but I haven't said I have never even ...
A. 4 May 2012: if you go visit her for a weekend you do not have to have sex.... just visit and get to know each other.
tell her you want to take it slow...
the second visit you can talk about it...... (read in full...)
I need an exit strategy to get out of this marriage!
Q. My husband who claims to love me a lot, has cheated on me and even after being togehther 4 years since them, there seems to be little regret and there are other aspects like his fuss over appearances and a selfish moody nature that make me feel like ...
A. 4 May 2012: well if he ignores you
you ignore him
if he hits you call the police and have him arrested.
end of marriage. but talk to an attorney...
I'm sorry he won't leave and it's hard to get him to leave because that gives you grounds for d... (read in full...)
My friend is dating my ex. I want to hate her but I miss her!
Q. A couple of months back, one of my friends decided she wanted to be with my ex boyfriend as she had strong feelings for him (which i knew nothing about until it was too late) He and I had only just decided that we weren't going to stay in touch an...
A. 4 May 2012: who cares about the cost of the car... it can't be worth this heartache..... (read in full...)
Is he playing ping-pong on Facebook with me? Shall I unfriend him again for ignoring me?
Q. long story, I added him on FB, he accpeted, then I unfriended him because I felt I needed to move on and my online "crush" wasn't going any where, so he sent me a text asking me, 'why I unfriended' him and asking me to stay in touch. I didn't for a ...
A. 4 May 2012: I agree with oldbag
unfriend him
block him
and block his number on your phone.
he should "be dead" to you... as if he does not exist.... (read in full...)
His move will cause us to be apart. Why is he acting like the change is my fault?
Q. This is complicated and for length I may have left important parts out, so bear with me. Basically my boyfriend got a job in a city. I do not want to live in the city and he is giving me an ultimatum that either I move there with him or he'll break ...
A. 4 May 2012: FWIW my fiance moved 2 hours from his home to my home and gave up everything... he's still looking for a job and it's nearly 5 months... thankfully I can support us with his unemployment...
can you take an interim job while you are looking?... (read in full...)
Why did my girlfriend suddenly break up with me and how do I deal with it?
Q. My girlfriend suddenly broke up with me (and started the process of moving out) this past Saturday. We had been dating for about 7 months. We had taken a wonderful trip the weekend before and had a nice week together prior to Sat. I started ...
A. 4 May 2012: change the locks.... it sends a message and if she's done you can move on faster...... (read in full...)
I need an exit strategy to get out of this marriage!
Q. My husband who claims to love me a lot, has cheated on me and even after being togehther 4 years since them, there seems to be little regret and there are other aspects like his fuss over appearances and a selfish moody nature that make me feel like ...
A. 4 May 2012: yeah just tell him that it's not working out and you are concerned about the children being negatively affected and ask for "a trial separation" and ask him to move out..
consult an attorney about visitation for him and the kids..... (read in full...)
Short term relationships: What does porn and experience do to girls' perceptions of sex and penis size?
Q. I get the impression here that this site is mostly about longer term relationships, but I would like to ask something about the purely sexual side of things because I'm certain that a large percentage of girls LOVE sex and will have sex (sex buddy, ...
A. 4 May 2012: I watch porn and have since LONG BEFORE you were born....
I don't lust after big penises. I don't lust from porn at all
to be honest most women I know do NOT want casual sex...
and given a choice most women I know prefer a man with a tal... (read in full...)
I need an exit strategy to get out of this marriage!
Q. My husband who claims to love me a lot, has cheated on me and even after being togehther 4 years since them, there seems to be little regret and there are other aspects like his fuss over appearances and a selfish moody nature that make me feel like ...
A. 4 May 2012: you are correct, while as adults we can choose to live with abusers or addicts we have a duty to protect our children....
are there women's shelters that you can contact for help and support and advice?
does he check your phone? if so can yo... (read in full...)
Married to a distant, abusive man and I'm desperate to be touched and loved and I'm wondering about how it would be with this man!
Q. Confused! I am 33 years old, been with my husband for 12 years- married for 5 years-no children. Our marriage is not good-we have not had sex for almost a year and before that is was twice a years-continually got less and less throughout the y...
A. 4 May 2012: I think before you consider another partner you have to end it with the current partner.
You need to end your marriage and walk away if you are that unhappy.
the other option is to go to your husband and tell him you wish to open the marriage... (read in full...)
I don't think my boyfriend understand that my no means no. I am not ready. What should I do?
Q. I think my boyfriend only wants to have sex with me and im a virgin and he is very sexual and all he wants to talk about is sex I told him im not ready but I don't think he understands what should I do?...
A. 4 May 2012: Have you said to him “what part of NO don’t you understand?”?
Have you asked him what he does not understand???
Do you tease him with SOME sexual activity but draw the line at intercourse?
If he refuses to respect your wishes you need to ... (read in full...)
I want anal again but she refuses! What should I do? I want to go with a call girl just for revenge!
Q. We did it two times but she doesn't want it anymore, the first time was painful to her but the second one she enjoyed because i did it a soft way! Now i desire to have anal intercourse again with her but she doesn't want it, we've talked about th...
A. 4 May 2012: Revenge?
why do you feel the need for REVENGE? what is this about?
she said NO...
if she asked you to dress in women's clothing and parade around the room in 6 inch heels then bend over and take it up the ass with a strap on would yo... (read in full...)
Are men put off by women who have given birth?
Q. question for the men on here.. Are men put off by women who have given birth? either because they watched their partner give birth which has put them off sex and can't get the image of their head of seeing partner being stretched and watching som...
A. 4 May 2012: I've had two children and neither their father or any partners i had after the birth of my kids...... (read in full...)
17 and pregnant. Any advice on how to tell my parents?
Q. I'm 17, 6 weeks pregnant and no clue on how to tell my parents. My boyfriend is 21. Been together for 8months and they know him very well. Mom likes him, father doesn't want me involved in anything serious with any boy but accepts my relationship. ...
A. 4 May 2012: I agree with Cindy Cares (when do I not???)
mom and dad will be sad
they will cry
they might yell
they are very disappointed in you but what's done is done.
IF you were being responsible and using Birth control and it failed you let ... (read in full...)
Our life is becoming a constant worrying, constant nervousness.
Q. Hello! I need help with my relationship with my husband. We are freshly married, half a year, and he is becoming more and more negative about himself, life etc. From the beginning of our relationship he had inclinations for such behavior, but as t...
A. 4 May 2012: It's hard to be partnered with someone who can't cope. I know from experience... it's very wearing.
do you guys go to couples counseling? it really helps with communication and such... and if he's negative he may be depressed and that can help... (read in full...)
How do I address this question with my FWB without making him jealous?
Q. Hi I am in a bit of a difficult situation and would really appreciate any advice you people can offer I am in a fwb I thought we were together properly for a few months but he told me he didn't want a girlfriend so I evetually got my head around ...
A. 4 May 2012: Don’t ask him. YOU tell him “I’ve met someone and I’m going to pursue a real relationship with him, no more settling for being a fuck buddy with you” He will get mad, he will protest, he may even lie and say that he’s changed his mind and ... (read in full...)
Why did my girlfriend suddenly break up with me and how do I deal with it?
Q. My girlfriend suddenly broke up with me (and started the process of moving out) this past Saturday. We had been dating for about 7 months. We had taken a wonderful trip the weekend before and had a nice week together prior to Sat. I started ...
A. 4 May 2012: I agree that moving in together so early in a relationship seems fast. And she’s new to town… so many changes for her in less than a year… sounds like she wants space…and time.
Give her a chance to miss you a bit and let her call the shots. I... (read in full...)
Would you find it hard to stay friends with your ex if he met someone else?
Q. Hi, When we met a year ago, my boyfriend was very close to an ex girlfriend (they had been broken up a few years but stayed good friends) They stayed in contact for the first few months we were together but then she stopped getting in touch...
A. 3 May 2012: I don't understand the need to be friends with an ex. they are an ex for a reason...
either she stopped for whatever reasons she needed to stop being friends (and it could have been you being his gf but I would not bet the farm on it)
or he a... (read in full...)
I prefer slightly older men, so should I wait for this high school boy?
Q. At this point of my life, I'm dealing with a problem I could've never thought I would be dealing with. I was always, but ALWAYS attracted to older men. Not significantly older, we're talking about up to 5 years older. And that worked. But as of...
A. 3 May 2012: If the only reason to forget him is his age then I say don’t forget him… but don’t sit around and wait for him either…
I look 52… easily. 48 at the YOUNGEST. My 38 yr old fiancé looks about 25, 30 at the oldest….. didn’t stop me… age is a numb... (read in full...)
I've liked him for 5 years, we live in different states and now he has a g/f. Give up?
Q. Ok, i fell in love with this guy 5 years ago and i still feel the same for him. But i moved to another state 5 years ago. We have been sending cute emails to each other over facebook, but now he has a girlfreind. But i dont feel bad for that i ...
A. 3 May 2012: move on...... (read in full...)
30 year age difference. How do I tell my parents?
Q. Am a 20 years young woman who is in love with a 50 years old man he wants us to get married as soon as possible,i don't no how to brake the news to my parents ....
A. 3 May 2012: Why the rush to get married?
how long have you known him?
how did you meet him?
I need way more information before I have an answer... (read in full...)
I've grown up but my boyfriend of 6.5 years hasn't!
Q. Hi I just wanted to get someones opinion about my relationship... I have being with my man for 6 and half year we got together when I was 15 and he was 20.. Since then I have grown up a lot and he doesn't seem to want to grow up.. In terms of jobs ...
A. 2 May 2012: big changes between 15 and 20....
I am sure in a few years you will feel much more positive about these changes... it's scary... but I agree that it's your best shot...... (read in full...)
We had sex, and do these signs mean anything?
Q. Hi, so im 18. I liked this guy which is also my friend... He used to be a womenizer but he changed,he kissed,but he said once he is more for a combination. My friends think he probaly likes me. So anyway we had sex. He slept before with this...
A. 2 May 2012: I doubt he’s changed. I am sure he will sleep with what he can sleep with. He can LIKE you enough to have sex with you and not like you enough to spend time with you….
He slept before with a slut… he is a slut and you slept with him without ... (read in full...)
Help me lie to my mom!
Q. i have planned an trip with my boyfriend for three days without my parents knowledge now how do i make them believe tat i am gonna go with girls .my mom is telling tat she wil come to the station to drop me but if she cums she wil know the truth tat ...
A. 2 May 2012: if you lie you will get caught... if not that weekend then later one... it will undermine any trust your parents have with you.
I get the problem... you live with them... their rules apply... they are old fashioned and don't want you going aw... (read in full...)
My boyfriend smokes weed and I don't know what to do...
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for just over 2 years now. He lives 2 hours away from me and we have had a generally good long distance relationship. He smoked cigarettes and weed when we started to get close, I told him I wasn't ...
A. 2 May 2012: I don’t’ find weed harmful. It’s psychologically very addicting… but other than that… I think it should be legal… not happening here any time soon…
If you don’t want him to smoke weed, then your only option is to make him choose… sadly that’s not ... (read in full...)
How can people not think of pornography as cheating?
Q. I have something bothering me i've read and discussed this and people say that a boyfriend using porn is no different than him imagining someone in his head but I strongly disagree. Masturbating to porn is alot worse it is an actual picture but ...
A. 2 May 2012: IF it bothers you then you do need to find a partner that agrees with your views on it.
You think he doesn't think of you how do you know this do you ask him?
You think he finds them MORE attractive than you... again how do you know this ha... (read in full...)
Why do married men look at other women?
Q. why do married men look at other women? I have a husband who does this and I'm so upset about it. I don't look at other men because I'm happily married with the man I'm with. He tells me I'm beautiful, sexy, bodacious, the whole nine yards, but ...
A. 2 May 2012: My guy looks. Heck I'll look when I see a pretty girl (I"m bisexual) or an attractive man.
there's looking and then there's STARING and commenting... and being stupid about it...
but just looking (even if head turning which is a bit annoyin... (read in full...)
Is he genuine or just trying to sleep with me again?
Q. hello i have a question regarding a man who is 48 yrs old and i am 25. So, we met on a dating website about 4 years ago. we spoke for hours everyday for two years - he works on a cruise ship and lives in another country - we both used to speak on...
A. 1 May 2012: be very careful about "being friends" with him... I have NEVER found the ability of anyone to be friends with ex's.
... (read in full...)
Thinking of leaving because he is chosing porn over sex with me, but I'm worried about hurting our daughter. What should I do?
Q. Can someone help me, I've been with my fiancée for 2 years and we have a beautiful daughter together. We've been planning to get hitched next month and now I don't want to. When we first met everything was brill we had an amazing sex life. From the ...
A. 1 May 2012: leaving a man that hurts you will not hurt your daughter. this man is hurting you with his blatant disregard for your needs and desires.
While I don't have a problem with porn, I DO Have a problem with men who disrespect their partners and trea... (read in full...)
Why does this happen and what does it mean?
Q. sometimes or very often i use to tighten my thighs strongly and feel contraction and relaxation at my vagina i feel relax after that i do not know why it happens and what it mean???can you guide me...remember i am 18 years old.thankyou...
A. 1 May 2012: sounds like it might be an orgasm... if all you need to do is tighten your thighs... you are one very very LUCKY young lady.... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 1 May 2012: I understand... what does your gut say... 2 out of three...
your mind is correct in this case.... (read in full...)
He cheated, prom is only a week away and the dress is paid for. What to do?
Q. Help! I just found out my my boyfriend of 7 months has cheated on me. He kissed another girl while he was wasted at a party....and Prom is a week away. We already have tickets and i bought a $500 dress. My family is super excired to see us go. Im ...
A. 30 April 2012: I LOVE Lucky786's answer... but it takes a very strong person do to that... I couldn't pull it off...... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 30 April 2012: Thank you!
She is right you have to love and accept her where she is. You can never be with someone hoping they will change...
but if all she eats is carrots she is very malnourished and will be very sick... but then most alcoholics are m... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 30 April 2012: so you knew each other and she left to go to uni?
RARELY do these relationships last and work out...
perhaps you can tell her that she is drinking too much for your comfort level (this way the problem is YOURS and you are not being critical o... (read in full...)
How can I inspire my LDR to drink less?
Q. I love my girlfriend and she makes me happy but we are in a long distance relationship but we have started reasoning (not fighting) a lot lately. My problem with her is she drinks more than most girls and even more than me. She lives in a small town ...
A. 30 April 2012: you cannot inspire her to stop drinking.
you cannot even tell her to stop drinking more
you can ASK her but it' won't do any good...
folks have to be self motivated if she wants to stop she will...
even if you are together full time if sh... (read in full...)
His move will cause us to be apart. Why is he acting like the change is my fault?
Q. This is complicated and for length I may have left important parts out, so bear with me. Basically my boyfriend got a job in a city. I do not want to live in the city and he is giving me an ultimatum that either I move there with him or he'll break ...
A. 29 April 2012: how far apart will you two be when he moves?
he is being unfair btw... and 2 years well
a. it's not that long
but
b. he may find he likes the city (although with Aspergers I'm not so sure) and want to stay after two years..
basically he ... (read in full...)
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