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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is it up to me to keep his morals in check?
Q. Hey! I am predominantly lesbian, and slept with my first man last year at the age of 27. I didn't have any sort of romantic interest in him, it was just a lust thing. Anyway, he's okay, and we became sort of friends-with-benefits - hard, because ...
A. 18 May 2012: OP, I will be honest, I had NO clue that English was not your first language.... you do better with it than some folks I know who have never even been out of the USA!
Best of luck to you...... (read in full...)
Is it up to me to keep his morals in check?
Q. Hey! I am predominantly lesbian, and slept with my first man last year at the age of 27. I didn't have any sort of romantic interest in him, it was just a lust thing. Anyway, he's okay, and we became sort of friends-with-benefits - hard, because ...
A. 17 May 2012: You do have a choice OP… you can choose NOT to see him.
but then that would be taking the non-evil high road.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was ill on my birthday and I didnt get to see him, should I be mad at him for this?
Q. Do you think i should be mad at my boyfriend for this ?. He has been ill with flu for a few days, and it was my birthday yesterday, but he didn't meet up with me. I was supposed to go round to his house for a few hours. I wanted to go out somewhere ...
A. 17 May 2012: Do you know that people die from the flu every day? It’s very very very serious. He sent a text and wished you a happy birthday. That’s more than I could have done with the flu.
A cold is a bit ill. I’ve had the flu twice in my life. (I’m 52) ... (read in full...)
What are the pro's and con's of having a fake relationship with my gay friend to trick his mom?
Q. So, I've been really close friends with this guy since 6th grade, we're both now in 9th, and he's gay. He recently told his mother about himself. She was very angry about it and yelled at him about how he's never even experienced with a girl and ...
A. 17 May 2012: He is a very brave young man. My brother did not come out till he was older to my mom and out of the house to my dad...
His reply to my grandparents who did not know he was gay when asked when he was getting married was "yep when I meet the rig... (read in full...)
Lump on my foot, what could this be?
Q. Hi I'm just wondering what this could be my feet were all normal until one day I got a sharp pain on the side or my pinky toe and since then I never took noticed but I have like a lump inside my skin which has nothing in it like a splinter or what ...
A. 17 May 2012: It SOUNDS like a corn to me... they are very painful.
By all means see the doctor and get some peace of mind...
what I've heard about tumors btw is that most of the times the REALLY bad ones DON'T HURT... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm moving away and wont be coming back?
Q. Iv been in a relationship with a guy for some months now, we started dating when we were schooling together. We are happy together but the problem is, i have moved to a different country and i dont think i'll be returning due to some pesonal issues. ...
A. 17 May 2012: Honey you are already living without him. You are apart already. You MUST tell him.
You just need to tell him. I would do it over the phone or a video chat and NOT by text or email if you can.
and it's OK to cry when you do this.... (read in full...)
He had my first name and last name as a status on Facebook, did this mean anything?
Q. Ive been thinking about this for a long time now and maybe I'm over analyzing this but just wanted to get someones point of view. So a few months ago I was at school and I was with a group of people talking and laughing and I made some new friends. ...
A. 17 May 2012: i once did a search for someone on facebook or I thought I did. I actually accidentally typed their name in my status update space instead of the search space...
might have been that kind of a mistake.... (read in full...)
What is the average age when a man feels ready to settle down?
Q. Hi this is just a quick question. I was talking to a male friend recently and he mentioned an average age that men feel ready to settle down. I was just wondering what is a mans average age to settle down thanks ...
A. 17 May 2012: Depends on the man.
My first husband was 23 when we married and 25 when our first child was born...
My current partner is 38 and I'm the first woman he's ever felt strongly enough about to settle down with and marry...
my 25 year old son is... (read in full...)
I want my dad to come to my graduation but not his wife and kids
Q. So first thing, I haven't spoken to my father or that side of my family for almost 8 years now, after my dad kicked me out of his house when I was 14 (I lived with my mother after that - they were divorced). I'm graduating this Saturday from co...
A. 17 May 2012: I love a good update! Thanks for letting us know it went well.... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he told his parents, his friends, anyone about our wedding?
Q. Hello. I'm getting married in 5 months, my bf proposed a few months ago. It was an out of the blue proposal, we never discussed marriage and I'd never forced him into proposing at all. I love him so much and he sure loves me back a lot. We're both ...
A. 17 May 2012: Well now I have a bit more to go on and yes it’s odd if you have been with your best friend and he is not telling her and she needs to make the plans, then that is weird. Have you asked him why he has not told her since he has had the chance with ... (read in full...)
Is it up to me to keep his morals in check?
Q. Hey! I am predominantly lesbian, and slept with my first man last year at the age of 27. I didn't have any sort of romantic interest in him, it was just a lust thing. Anyway, he's okay, and we became sort of friends-with-benefits - hard, because ...
A. 16 May 2012: “And his girlfriend will find out straight away because I leave marks...”
So are you planning to OUT him to her by the method above? Isn’t that a bit vindictive.
I too “leave marks” but you can easily NOT do that. So it sounds to me lik... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he told his parents, his friends, anyone about our wedding?
Q. Hello. I'm getting married in 5 months, my bf proposed a few months ago. It was an out of the blue proposal, we never discussed marriage and I'd never forced him into proposing at all. I love him so much and he sure loves me back a lot. We're both ...
A. 16 May 2012: We are getting married in 5 months also. WE have told my family and OUR friends but my fiance has not told anyone in his family or his friends.
We are going to have a small destination wedding... so not a lot of folks are coming... perhaps ... (read in full...)
She's a beautiful woman but very demanding and I'm confused and disillusioned
Q. I am in a relationship with a "now"divorced woman of 52 yrs.We regularly have discussions,and Im told repeatedly...Im shouting at her/raising my voice,but she has 50%hearing loss in both ears,she wont wear aids....she feels like because she pays ...
A. 16 May 2012: Are there any good things you wish to share about this relationship? If there are no good things to outweigh the bad then it’s best to end the relationship.... (read in full...)
We like each other but we'll be 10 hours apart!
Q. This is real complicated. This guy and I found out we both liked each other a couple of days ago, but the problem is, we will soon be 10+ hours of flight apart. We've hung out together on a few dates, held hands, kissed, cuddled. But the problem is, ...
A. 16 May 2012: I agree with Cindy.
I just finished a year long LDR. We were a 2 hour car drive apart and saw each other once we were serious every weekend and it was hard to be apart during the week even with multiple daily phone calls and emails..... (read in full...)
How can I marry my fiance when he constantly ogles other women?
Q. How can I marry my fiance when he constantly ogles other women? he swears I am ALL he wants and needs...I do not feel that way because despite all his promises to stop this disrespectful act it continues... time after time!!!!...
A. 16 May 2012: Well what you describe is a bit different than what I was thinking… My partner would not do that in the car as it’s not safe. Tell him you will meet him at the locations you are going together. Do not get into a car with him if you do not feel ... (read in full...)
My mom is dating a 33 year old guy, who's closer in age to me than her! Its so embarrassing!!
Q. My mom who is 49 years old is now dating a guy who is 33 years old and I don't know how to feel about the whole situation. I mean he's closer in age to me than her, she's never done anything like this before so I don't know whats going on. She has ...
A. 16 May 2012: I realize this is hard for you OP but the truth is that it’s not your decision. My fiancé is 38. I am 52. He is 10 years older than my oldest son and 13 years older than my younger son. He and my younger son are great friends… they have a lot in ... (read in full...)
Get her number? Add her on Facebook? How do I get to know her?
Q. During January one of my friends (also a classmate, let's call her R) started chatting with me through facebook. When I replied "Hi R :)" R answered saying it's one of her friends (let's call her A). I had seen some pictures of A before and I tho...
A. 15 May 2012: add her on facebook and ask for her number
she's already interested in you as YOU so just continue to be yourself...... (read in full...)
My married love won't leave her husband but doesn't want to let go of me either
Q. I am involved with a woman that is married and she says she is still madly in love with her husband but yet she says she has fallen in love with me. The chemistry between us started sometime around October 2011 in which she started saying things to ...
A. 15 May 2012: you are her toy...
nothing more.... (read in full...)
How can I marry my fiance when he constantly ogles other women?
Q. How can I marry my fiance when he constantly ogles other women? he swears I am ALL he wants and needs...I do not feel that way because despite all his promises to stop this disrespectful act it continues... time after time!!!!...
A. 15 May 2012: IF it bothers you and you have told him and he won't or can't stop then no you should not marry him.
I personally find it funny when my fiance looks at other women... because I know he doesn't have a shot with them, he's not going after then and... (read in full...)
How to make my ex's new girlfriend like me?
Q. Well here's the thing my exs girlfriend is pregnant and i want to be friends with her,i am sure that by now she is awere of the fact that i dated her boyfriend but i find her to be an intersting person that i can share great times with, so how do i ...
A. 15 May 2012: you want your ex boyfriend's current pregnant girlfriend to be friends with you?
why?
you can't make someone be friends with you and while it may sound like a good idea.. I find that being friendly and civil with an ex is a much better plan t... (read in full...)
Could someone please tell me what the heck is going on?
Q. Ok so this guy and i have been best friends for quite a few of years now. (about 4 or 5) And all of our other friends think that we would make a cute couple, and that we should date. Even my band director has started asking us if we're dating yet. ...
A. 15 May 2012: you need to be brave and take the first step. you need to risk it all and tell him how you feel.
... (read in full...)
My Indian family, my Pakistani ex gf who still lives at my place, my American girlfriend who's treated like an outsider and me...its a wreck!!
Q. I'm 21 years old, turning 22 this year. My girlfriend is 20, and turning 21 this year. We've been together for 3 years, and I want to ask her to marry me within the next week or so. Here's the problem. I'm Indian, and she's American. My p...
A. 15 May 2012: You are 21 is there a reason you don't move out?... (read in full...)
Isn't it too early to have sex?
Q. Hello! I met this guy online. We hung out 3 times so far and we had such an amazing time. We text and chat it up all the time... The 3rd time we hung out, there was so much sexual tension between us so we ended up making out and touching each others ...
A. 15 May 2012: Yes it is too early to speak of love...
trust your instincts...
three face to face dates is not enough to know him if you want to have a real relationship with him...
stay public with him... do not tease him with long make out sessions.... (read in full...)
A bit of innocent cuddling? Or could this lead to something more?
Q. Hi everyone, just a quick question. I've been friends with this guy for about a year and every now and then when we're round each other's house we'll spoon/cuddle/hold hands, but never take it any further, and always go back to acting completely ...
A. 15 May 2012: would you spoon/cuddle/hold hands with a girl friend?
then why is it ok with a guy friend?
sounds like boundaries are being crossed.
if you are close enough to be physical with him you should be able to bring it up...
the next time... (read in full...)
Why would my dad's girlfriend tell people that she is my mom when she knows that I don't even like her? I'm so mad at her!
Q. I just need some advice on how to approach something. Mothers day my family and my bosses parents came in to eat brunch(they were at different tables though) at the restaurant I work at. After dinner they ended up chatting and the conversation jus...
A. 15 May 2012: Well the truth is you can’t file with the court as YOUR DAD is allowing her to make the rules in his home (which is her home too). If your dad can’t or won’t stand up to her, the truth is that your beef needs to be with your dad and not his ... (read in full...)
Should I contact this guy and say I'm interested in just casual sex?
Q. So there's this guy that I dated (we went out for a total of about 7 times). He stopped contacting me about a month and a half ago for some reason which I don't know why. I was really really attracted to him and since my last relationship of about ...
A. 15 May 2012: It's best for you to let this go totally. He has made it very clear he's not interested at all.
... (read in full...)
I don't want kids, so how do I learn to accept being alone?
Q. After two years of being single and trying the "don't look, someone will come into your life when you least expect it" - she didn't - I tried the online dating thing. Two dates in two years. Have now been single for 4 years and totally and utte...
A. 15 May 2012: my 38 year old fiance does not like children and does not want children. Thankfully he can accept my children as the youngest is 25.... and although my oldest requires more parenting than a normal child (he is emotionally disabled) he still is ... (read in full...)
Should I go to a sexually charged movie with a male friend?
Q. This might seem like a stupid problem, but i'd like some advice. A guy i know ( he's not really a friend, more like an aquaintance ) wants to go to the cinema with me tomorrow, to watch the new American Pie film. The thing is, there are lots of ...
A. 15 May 2012: It does not matter if you are going to see a G rated Disney flick... honey going to the movies with him is a DATE....
you have a boyfriend... why in the world do you think that a date with a boy that likes you is OK?
did you tell your boyfri... (read in full...)
His 13 year old son is keeping us from being together!
Q. I've been dating a man my age, who is divorced and has 2 kids. His daughter is 8, and we have no issues. His son is 13, and has issues... one of them being me. He has recently decided that he can't sleep at his mother's house where he lives anymore. ...
A. 15 May 2012: The kid is doing it on purpose.
And dad has guilt... and that's why he's letting the kid manipulate him.
Truth is I agree that the dad should tell the son either NO and tell him he can only come over when the preplanned times occur... (both p... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is spending his inheritance money and hasn't even bought me a bouquet of flowers!
Q. Ok so my bf and I have dated 2years in which was long distance. Recently he moved in with me. Hes 18 I'm 17. He's originally from were I live. When he was 1 his mom left his dad and moved 4 hours away. So his dad lives here. He's been living with me ...
A. 15 May 2012: Why in the world would you think that at 18 you should be the one he spends HIS money on?
I'm sorry but you are out of line.
To be honest there is no way I would set up an inheritance for a child of 18 to spend. It should have been put in trus... (read in full...)
How do I convince my mother to let me cut my hair short?
Q. I have long waist length beautiful healthy hair. But the trouble is that i dont like them at all. I want to get them cut short because i like hair better that way. My mother apparantly doesnot understand me and she does not even let me do the ...
A. 15 May 2012: Why is your mom not letting you cut your hair? Is it a religious thing?
worst thing that will happen is when you are an adult (at age 18) you can do what you want...
... (read in full...)
Need help! Really need to get the liar back for what he did.
Q. So basically it's been a long night, my boyfriend well now ex has decided to tell me that he cheated on me, obviously it has really hurt, but I need a way to get him back. I know I shouldn't sink down to his level but I'm going to do it anyway, he ...
A. 15 May 2012: It's true he does not care if you are hurt. He does not care about anyone but himself... there is NOTHING you can do to get back at him and hurt him... it's sad but it's true.
I know you don't believe this but being angry and hurt feeds his ego.... (read in full...)
What should I wear for the first date?
Q. Hi everyone I recently asked a question of how often you saw a fwb and how they treated you and got some great answers now I have ended the fwb as I realised how badly he treated me so now I have another question I have a date a week on saturday and ...
A. 14 May 2012: you wear something that makes you feel beautiful... something that you are comfortable in...
what is the date? dinner? wear a lovely dress or skirt... not too short... heels if you like them.
but BE YOURSELF most of all...... (read in full...)
Why do people react so negatively when I say I don't want to get married or have children?
Q. Maybe, I am too young to say this, but I am just not interested in getting married or having kids. Now, don't get me wrong. While I do not want to get married, it doesn't mean I don't want to find and live my life with that one special partner....
A. 14 May 2012: My son is 25 he says he does not want kids because he does not think he would be a good parent... I see him waffling on this decision now and again so I don't discount that he might change his mind.... I have many friends who do not ever want kids ... (read in full...)
How do I handle embarrassing visits to the doctor?
Q. My mom took me to the doctor to get a referral for X-rays for my injured knee that I damaged when running during practice for Track. So there was this Medical Assistant guy and he was the one who checked my weight and stuff like that. He also asked ...
A. 14 May 2012: Did you know that big huge football players faint from needles all the time? it's an automatic response that has nothing to do with health or fear... it's something your body may or may not do when you get stuck with a needle.
Personally it doesn... (read in full...)
Does personality matter?
Q. If a guy is just average looking or even a little ugly (not like hideous ugly), but they have what you consider to be a really funny personality, you get along with them really well, you love to talk to them for hours, they have a cute personality, ...
A. 14 May 2012: my current partner is not drop dead handsome... he's short... he's got bad teeth... he wears his hair very short... he has glasses... and I think he's the best thing in the world... his personality grabbed my attention first... but his personality ... (read in full...)
I'm 64. Is it normal that I still want sex?
Q. i am a woman of 64 and widowed. i last saw a man in my bed 3,5 yrs ago. i still want love and sex. is this normal. please dont give me moral answers. i know we all need love to the end of our lives. i want sex too. and with love cos i tie sex with ...
A. 14 May 2012: of course a sex drive at 64 is normal.
my grandparents were married 67 years and in their 80s were still having sex.
I'm 52 and my fiance is 38 and you bet your sweet patootie we go at it... as often as we can...
my stepmom is 79 this year ... (read in full...)
How can I accept being ugly?
Q. Rather than continuously wishing and hoping to at least be average, even with working out, eating healthy, makeup and hair straightening, I want to finally just accept that I am ugly. The hope and trying keeps me from accepting it, because in t...
A. 14 May 2012: why would you want to stop trying to be be the best person you can be?
I am old and not stunning but I'm no ogre either.
if you want permission to dress comfortably, not wear make up, put your hair in a pony tail and get on with your life..... (read in full...)
A man wearing pink skinny jeans?
Q. First reaction/ thought that comes to mind when you see a male wearing red/pink skinny jeans???...
A. 14 May 2012: Men in pink or purple SHIRTS are fine.
skinny jeans on men in general are ewwwwwww
pink jeans on men not in costume... not attractive...... (read in full...)
As a person, she IS my dream girl...but sexually, the attraction is minimal. What can I do?
Q. I don't find my girlfriend that attractive, but I am overwhelmingly happy with who she is as a person. What do I do? My girlfriend and I kind of stumbled into dating each other. We met at a party one night and ended up drunkly hooking up (havi...
A. 14 May 2012: I agree that you should break up with her.
If by now you don't find her appealing it won't happen.
I met my current partner and his personality was so cute that his looks became adorable to me... he's not the most handsome man.. he has bad... (read in full...)
How can I tell that he is losing his interest as we only talk on the internet?
Q. im talking to a guy i met online for about 4 months now. We talk as much as we can, but he is quite busy sometimes. Lately we havent been talking too much because I was really busy. And when I went online to talk to him he didn't start the ...
A. 14 May 2012: It does sound like it's petered out.... just chatting online having never met IRL and having not moved it to phone calls or texts is not a good sign.
Sure you can wish him a happy birthday and the conversations with him might ebb and flow over tim... (read in full...)
I managed to convince a guy I fancy that I'm easy but now I need the skills to back it up
Q. I moved about 9 months ago and there's this guy "Sam" back home. My friend and I tricked him into thinking I'm a slut and he likes me better now. I told him when I get home I'd make out with him and give him a hand job. The thing is, I HAVE NO IDEA ...
A. 14 May 2012: I agree with Tisha.. I doubt very much you are 18-21… Please if you are 13-15 forget about this scatterbrained idea.
And if you are 18-21, you are clearly NOT ready to have an adult relationship with a man and I suggest some counseli... (read in full...)
How to discourage use of addictive pills my boyfriend is taking to give himself a high?
Q. My boyfriend (just started dating but have known him for many many years) recently revealed that he takes pills for the high occasionally. I don't know what occasionally means and I didn't ask specifics since I was so shocked and disappointed. I to...
A. 14 May 2012: An addict is an addict. Either they are in recovery or they are not.
You can't help him or discourage him from using. You can tell him how you feel about it and make the choice to not be with him when he's actively using.
Until he can ... (read in full...)
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