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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 23 May 2012: Maverick maybe it's our ages? I'm 52 and I agree with Cindy totally.
he who asks (or she) pays... if it's a date
if it's friends who go regularly saying "hey let's go to dinner" we split it... or we take turns treating...
I was... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend lying about why her cousin was in her room so long?
Q. one day in an ocassion, me and my girlfriend's first cousin who is a guy have been drinking. for a while he left me and without knowing, he goes to my girlfriend's room. it took a couple hours after he get back. i asked my girlfriend if what they ...
A. 22 May 2012: Are you saying that you think she was sexual with her cousin?... (read in full...)
Forced to accept being kept in the dark, how can I cope?
Q. Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship, with no problems at all. However, something has come up recently that I feel I need a little guidance in navigating. Recently, my boyfriend has taken a job with an organization...
A. 22 May 2012: "how was work hon"
"it was fine, don't ask anything else i don't want to have to kill you"
just accept that work conversations will be ODD.
if his clearance is that high and you are a couple they will clear you as well.... but still ... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 22 May 2012: I think the person that asks for the date should pay. Usually this is the guy. IF the girl asks, then she should be prepared to pay but I think the guy should at least OFFER (and mean it)
Indian food if you both like it is fine for a first da... (read in full...)
Forced to accept being kept in the dark, how can I cope?
Q. Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship, with no problems at all. However, something has come up recently that I feel I need a little guidance in navigating. Recently, my boyfriend has taken a job with an organization...
A. 22 May 2012: My first husband had clearance and I had no clue what he did for work other than it was computers in a particular location for a particular contractor for a particular government agency.
WHEN he traveled I knew WHERE he was going WHEN he left and... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend lying about why her cousin was in her room so long?
Q. one day in an ocassion, me and my girlfriend's first cousin who is a guy have been drinking. for a while he left me and without knowing, he goes to my girlfriend's room. it took a couple hours after he get back. i asked my girlfriend if what they ...
A. 22 May 2012: sometimes folks need to talk in private especially if it's about sensitive family matters.
what do you think actually happened and why would you think that?
... (read in full...)
How do I turn my FWB relationship into a real relationship?
Q. i have a fuck buddy who i have been shagging for a year, we started seeing each other few years ago then he said i dont want a relationship. we have mutual friends that do not know we are fb weve have known each other 9yrs and always ask our mutual ...
A. 22 May 2012: You can't get him to change his mind.
You are his FWB nothing more nothing less...
usually one person falls for the other if they didn't already have those feelings... and sadly it's usually the woman... because most of the time women need ... (read in full...)
Is there a way to break my hymen without pain?
Q. Hi in 17 and me and my boyfriend want to try having sex. I have read about all the diseases and things and no the risks and we will be careful, what I'm really worried about is my hymen. My older sister had sex and said it hurt really bad. I'm ...
A. 22 May 2012:
you may NOT have a hymen any more.
Do you use tampons?
Did you ride bikes as a child
Did you do gymnastics such as cartwheels?
so many things can cause the very fragile hymen to tear such as tree climbing, horseback riding, runn... (read in full...)
I fantasize about other men during sex
Q. I fantasize about sleeping with other men when Im sleeping with my husband. It makes me sick just to type that. I really love him. We have dated on and off since highschool, and after a big break up in college he got really physical with mu...
A. 22 May 2012: stop being guilty... you are normal. truly...
most folks have fantasies about others even when married.
there are no thought police... you can't be punished or arrested for your thoughts... only your actions.
... (read in full...)
I think boyfriend might be cheating and now he's acting all clingy
Q. Hi all, just a quick question please to get your views. if you suspect your BF is having an affair, but know that you are quite insecure, and have trust issues yourself and cannot prove anything, so then you back right off and he starts coming on ...
A. 22 May 2012: I agree with Ciar... if you back off and he comes after you he does not want to lose you but it is no indication of cheating or not cheating...
why do you suspect him of cheating? what else is going on?... (read in full...)
Do I explain to my ex why I deleted him from my facebook?
Q. This is a long story, I will try to condense it... Split with my ex in December. We were together almost 4 years. In that time we were long distance 50% of the time due to me being in Uni. I visited him every holiday. He visited me once, begrudgi...
A. 22 May 2012: IF all you did was delete him and NOT tell him you were breaking up with him, then yes you owe him an explanation of why you are ending the relationship.... (read in full...)
Why do guys have to give up their porn but girls get to keep their toys?
Q. So I've been reading post about women upset about their boyfriends using porn and post about guys upset about their girlfriends using a vibrator. It strikes me odd at the double standard women have for vibrators and porn. Every post I read consist ...
A. 22 May 2012: I agree with Honeypie...
we have porn in our house
we have toys in our house
no one is unloved or neglected.
there are plenty of women that don't mind porn
and there are plenty of women that don't have toys.
besides, if she has a hand ... (read in full...)
Will flowers win back my teenage, but legal ex-girlfriend?
Q. Hello everyone. Tricky and possibly a bit of a controversial situation here. Keeping it as short as possible. I love my ex girlfriend, Im 24, shes 15 (age of consent in Sweden = 15 so relax). Anyways she broke up with me almost 2 months ago, as she ...
A. 22 May 2012: OP, we are not making fun of you at all. We've all had the over the top obsessive feelings you have.
The problem is when I read your last post it's all
I want
I, I, I!
and as someone wisely said LOVE is about THEM THEM THEM and what THEY... (read in full...)
Why can't I get my wife pregnant?
Q. I've been married to my wife for over a year now, but I failling to impregnant her, it seems I'm the one with the problem because she never misses her periods. Is it normal? Its now disturbing me. Pliz help. ...
A. 22 May 2012: What Cindy said.
If you have been trying for a year and she's not getting pregnant then you need to see a specialist. It could be you, it could be her or it could be like a friend of mine and both of you are fine but together it does not work... (read in full...)
Why do guys have to give up their porn but girls get to keep their toys?
Q. So I've been reading post about women upset about their boyfriends using porn and post about guys upset about their girlfriends using a vibrator. It strikes me odd at the double standard women have for vibrators and porn. Every post I read consist ...
A. 21 May 2012: first of all porn and toy usage does not lead to less sex in our home.
secondly, men can orgasm pretty much at the drop of a hat while for most women it takes more effort... hence the NEED for toys.
Porn makes many women feel insecure
Toys m... (read in full...)
Girlfriend transferred to department with two of her exes
Q. I have been in a relationship with a great girl for 1.5 years. We get along great and are in love. We work at the same place but not together. She is getting transferred to another department. Two of her exes work in that department. Both are d-bags ...
A. 21 May 2012: you get along
you are in love
these are her exes and she was with them before you.
why should this spell the end of your relationship?
and why does it matter who you are to them?
if you trust her what's the problem?... (read in full...)
Is it me? Are my expectations on how life should be realistic?
Q. I'm looking for advice on really what is acceptable Or is me? Are my expectation on what life must be like how it is realistic? My belief is that a person must not have more than one partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm different, or there's somethin...
A. 21 May 2012: My father is a one marriage type of person. He met my mom on a blind date when he was 19.
He married my mom at age 22/23. She was 19. 40 years later she died in his arms of cancer. Was he supposed to spend the rest of his life alone mourning... (read in full...)
Should my ex-boyfriend and I remain friends?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up just recently. It is not due to a character mismatch or betrayal or anything. It is because of differences in religion which is why we are finding it very hard to let go. Should we remain as friends or should I totally ...
A. 21 May 2012: I have never found it worthwhile to remain friends with an ex. Friendly yes. Civil yes. Polite, yes.. but actual FRIENDS? no....... (read in full...)
Will flowers win back my teenage, but legal ex-girlfriend?
Q. Hello everyone. Tricky and possibly a bit of a controversial situation here. Keeping it as short as possible. I love my ex girlfriend, Im 24, shes 15 (age of consent in Sweden = 15 so relax). Anyways she broke up with me almost 2 months ago, as she ...
A. 21 May 2012: I agree with Honeypie... forcing her to do something she does not want to do does not sound like a good way to proceed.
She's 15 and although that may be beyond the age of consent in your country... at 15 she's really still very much a child...... (read in full...)
I'm a little worried about my new girlfriend!
Q. Hi I'm basically a little worried about my new gf we've been dating for about 2 weeks and I'm not sure if she is still interested in me or not she's 8 years my senior but we both like anoqther and we hit it off when we met but now it feels like ...
A. 21 May 2012: Two weeks is not a long period of time to know someone or even call them a bf or gf...
8 years at 18 means she is 26... and that for a younger male may be a bit too mature for you... even if you are 21 and she is 29 that can be a big differen... (read in full...)
I've fallen for him, but I don't want to get him into trouble ...
Q. I'm 17 and I have recently fallen for a man who is really lovely, a complete gentleman and who wouldn't force me into anything I wouldn't want to do. Great right? Yeah...but he's 27. 10 years older than me. But I feel completely comfortable and at ...
A. 21 May 2012: A ten year age gap at 27 and 37 is not too bad. At 17 and 27 it’s pretty big. Who would he get in trouble with?
Are you telling your parents about him? Why or why not?
... (read in full...)
Should I pay my children's' father's debt?
Q. My grandma passed away in march, it still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about her. However she was 95 and was able to be in her own home which is better than other ways. I was surprised to get a summons as she left something for my children ...
A. 21 May 2012: You should not pay his debt unless that is what YOU want to do with YOUR money. Use it for yourself and your children which is what your grandmother wanted.
And I can tell you this as a woman who is currently the recipient of my fiance’s gra... (read in full...)
Am I wrong not to buy my wife another vibrator?
Q. Am I wrong not to buy my wife another vibrator? A few years ago I bought my wife a vibrator to spice things up in the bedroom. She was a bit hesitant at first but after a while she would regularly use it to finish herself off. As the months w...
A. 20 May 2012: why do you have to buy it for her... let her go find her own!
I get what she is saying... it's hard work to make a woman orgasm. She is being considerate of you!
it's not a replacement for you, rather it augments what you two have.
b... (read in full...)
How do you know if you're really loved?
Q. How do y0u kn0w that y0u're realy l0ved in a relationship?...
A. 20 May 2012: I wrote this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-you-can-tell-someone-loves-you.html
basically however if you have to ask then you probably are not being loved properly.... (read in full...)
I want a girlfriend maybe but not kids. Does this mean there is something wrong with me?
Q. Is there anything wrong with wanting a girlfriend but NEVER wanting kids? Am I being too unflexible? Should I compromise my belief to some extent? How does this work?...
A. 20 May 2012: it's perfectly fine to not want kids... I Have many friends who are child free by choice...
my fiance is 38 and never wanted kids. I'm 52 and my two kids are grown and no longer his responsibility. He's fine with the concept that one day he m... (read in full...)
How can I get a cougar woman? This is a personal choice of mine, and I wish to get me a relationship with one.
Q. Hi, everyone. I have a specific goal that I wish to acheive. I'm in my early 20's, I still am a virgin, I STILL don't know what a kiss feels like, etc. So, I figure, to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, I should get together with a cougar. However,...
A. 19 May 2012: I hate to break it to the but there are plenty of immature older women and plenty of mature younger women...
Again to anyone who says I target specific parts of the dating population because.... and then don't have the experience to back it up bu... (read in full...)
Were the doctor's questions to my wife inappropriate and invasive?
Q. I would like some advice/opinions about a doctor. My wife of over 20 years went to the OB/GYN last week for her annual pap test. I went with her. It came out clear no issues, then the doctor (male) wanted to talk with her in his office. I went in ...
A. 18 May 2012: Oh please. he was doing a medical assessment for HPV and I give kudos to him for trying to make sure he got the proper answers by giving your wife a chance to talk in private.
I also give kudos to you and your wife for an open honest trusting... (read in full...)
How can I get a cougar woman? This is a personal choice of mine, and I wish to get me a relationship with one.
Q. Hi, everyone. I have a specific goal that I wish to acheive. I'm in my early 20's, I still am a virgin, I STILL don't know what a kiss feels like, etc. So, I figure, to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, I should get together with a cougar. However,...
A. 18 May 2012: Still thinking on how I want to answer this.....
As a 52 yr old woman who's fiance is 38 (for a few more weeks) I guess I'm qualified to tell you that older women for the MOST part are NOT out there LOOKING for young things to play with... ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refused to marry me, so I have left him! was it a big mistake?
Q. Hello! I left my boyfriend a few months months ago. He was a good person and I am sure we could have been together for much longer, even forever. Problem was, he refused to marry me (we'd been together for over 5 years) and after I insisted so ...
A. 18 May 2012: IN that case, OP you made the right decision. You couldn’t take it any more you were unhappy. He did not meet your needs. I’m so sorry you are hurting but in the long run I think you will be stronger for this.... (read in full...)
Why is my BF acting so mysteriously? he lied ,but then rushed back to see me. I don;t know where he was. Please help!!
Q. Please adive on my BF.Ok - so here it is.I've been dating this guy for 14 months, well I had a hunch last night.. actually, at 5 this morning, and I went round to see if his car was there. It wasn;t. I then called him at 5.45am. he did not answer. ...
A. 18 May 2012: Dear OP you said:
“I have got so addicted to this sick game”
And:
“I feel trapped,”
And sadly:
“. The sex is fantastic, the level of intimacy is somethig I have not experienced with anyone before,”
You are confusing intima... (read in full...)
What can I do to finally make my boyfriend see that he needs to take some responsibility!
Q. Help! What can I do to finally make my boyfriend see that he needs to take some responsibility! I have tried everything He works part-time, Between 3 and 4 days a week. I work part-time as well, but over 5 days. I start housework as soon as I get ...
A. 18 May 2012: If he does NOTHING to help run the home then you have a problem.
We had to figure out what my partner could and could not do... he has severe allergies that mean he can't use cleaning products... but he does all the heavy lifting.
I wash ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refused to marry me, so I have left him! was it a big mistake?
Q. Hello! I left my boyfriend a few months months ago. He was a good person and I am sure we could have been together for much longer, even forever. Problem was, he refused to marry me (we'd been together for over 5 years) and after I insisted so ...
A. 18 May 2012: I think that you want to be married and he does not. IF that was a deal breaker for you then you made the right decision.
What difference would the piece of paper make for you?
If you were already living together... why was the marriage imp... (read in full...)
Why is my BF acting so mysteriously? he lied ,but then rushed back to see me. I don;t know where he was. Please help!!
Q. Please adive on my BF.Ok - so here it is.I've been dating this guy for 14 months, well I had a hunch last night.. actually, at 5 this morning, and I went round to see if his car was there. It wasn;t. I then called him at 5.45am. he did not answer. ...
A. 18 May 2012: More and more as you post things I think that there are serious trust issues between you and this guy....
he has a history of being shady
he has a history of lying
he has a history of drug use
tell me the good things.... why are you with ... (read in full...)
I'm married but I want a lady at work and she's playing hard to get!
Q. I am a married man and recently I found my self attracted to this beautiful lady at my workplace. She knows I am married and is playing hard to get, but I really want her badly. Please help me convince this lady to love me...
A. 18 May 2012: She's not PLAYING hard to get... she's NOT interested because you are MARRIED.
just because I like ice cream does not mean I get to eat it all the time.
She's beautiful
she's attractive.
enjoy it as eye candy.
Why in the world do you thi... (read in full...)
Can being friends with benefits bring us back together? Or is it wishful thinking?
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up several months ago after her mother was ill and passed away. At first I was there for her 1000% and we agreed to remain friends. After all she's my best friend. We were together for 6 years by the way. She told me a ...
A. 18 May 2012: It is very hard to remain friends with an ex. I do not know how or why folks do it. Either you are together as a couple or you are not.
Being civil and friendly when you see each other is very different than being friends. I don't recommen... (read in full...)
Is it up to me to keep his morals in check?
Q. Hey! I am predominantly lesbian, and slept with my first man last year at the age of 27. I didn't have any sort of romantic interest in him, it was just a lust thing. Anyway, he's okay, and we became sort of friends-with-benefits - hard, because ...
A. 18 May 2012: OP, I will be honest, I had NO clue that English was not your first language.... you do better with it than some folks I know who have never even been out of the USA!
Best of luck to you...... (read in full...)
Why is my BF acting so mysteriously? he lied ,but then rushed back to see me. I don;t know where he was. Please help!!
Q. Please adive on my BF.Ok - so here it is.I've been dating this guy for 14 months, well I had a hunch last night.. actually, at 5 this morning, and I went round to see if his car was there. It wasn;t. I then called him at 5.45am. he did not answer. ...
A. 18 May 2012: OH dear so many problems here.
1. Just because a man gets hard when you touch his dick does not mean he isn’t doing anything…
2. You LIED to him
3. You don’t trust him (hence you’re need to catch him and check up on him)
My take on this... (read in full...)
After all this time spending so many wonderful moments together, my boyfriend is questioning our compatibility over a few petty arguments!
Q. I have been in an amazing relationship for 8 months now.Everything seems to be going so well, however there have been at the most, five occasions when my borfriend and I disagree on something. I see them as insignificant arguments, but last night he ...
A. 18 May 2012: My partner and I are big fighters. Our fights are loud and often seem like deal breakers but we are both committed to making it work so we push past the fights and try to learn from them. Yes we are in counseling for communication issues... it ... (read in full...)
I agree I'm not mother of the year but what do I do now in this extremely messed up situation?
Q. Almost three years ago I started what I would call an emotional affair with a man that I went to school with. I was 34 at the time and I am now 37. I have two children from a previous marriage and three with my current husband. We have been m...
A. 18 May 2012: Get a good lawyer.
I can tell you that in the USA especially mothers are almost always given the children even if they are not mother of the year. I certainly was not MOY having had some issues that include psychiatric hospitalizations and yet ... (read in full...)
Will I be more than just a hook up?
Q. I have fallen for my sometimes hook up. We see each other only a few times a month. We chat every other day or so. He is not into having a relationship. I knew this and was ok but something about him is so amazing other than sex. I tried to break ...
A. 18 May 2012: I agree with Denise32. He said the things he said to keep you as a hook up a FWB...
I would not wait for him to change.... (read in full...)
Is it up to me to keep his morals in check?
Q. Hey! I am predominantly lesbian, and slept with my first man last year at the age of 27. I didn't have any sort of romantic interest in him, it was just a lust thing. Anyway, he's okay, and we became sort of friends-with-benefits - hard, because ...
A. 17 May 2012: You do have a choice OP… you can choose NOT to see him.
but then that would be taking the non-evil high road.... (read in full...)
Do women really hate porn?
Q. I have lot of porn dvds at home. My wife rarely watches it. My question is, do all women hate to watch porn or is it some?. If some women like porn what are the categories they like to watch. say, lesbian, taboo, straight, BDSM, oral.... ...
A. 17 May 2012: Not all women hate porn just like not all women are fat or thin or tall or short. Women are people TOO ya know....
so what they like IF they like porn will vary with each woman as well.
I don't LIKE porn. It is a fact of life with my part... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was ill on my birthday and I didnt get to see him, should I be mad at him for this?
Q. Do you think i should be mad at my boyfriend for this ?. He has been ill with flu for a few days, and it was my birthday yesterday, but he didn't meet up with me. I was supposed to go round to his house for a few hours. I wanted to go out somewhere ...
A. 17 May 2012: Do you know that people die from the flu every day? It’s very very very serious. He sent a text and wished you a happy birthday. That’s more than I could have done with the flu.
A cold is a bit ill. I’ve had the flu twice in my life. (I’m 52) ... (read in full...)
Is it up to me to keep his morals in check?
Q. Hey! I am predominantly lesbian, and slept with my first man last year at the age of 27. I didn't have any sort of romantic interest in him, it was just a lust thing. Anyway, he's okay, and we became sort of friends-with-benefits - hard, because ...
A. 16 May 2012: “And his girlfriend will find out straight away because I leave marks...”
So are you planning to OUT him to her by the method above? Isn’t that a bit vindictive.
I too “leave marks” but you can easily NOT do that. So it sounds to me lik... (read in full...)
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