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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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We both want to get married one day, but I'm worried that if I move in with him he will become too comfortable and never marry me!
Q. Hi everyone, So I have this question about marriage. I have been with my bf for 2 years. We love each other and get along pretty well. We decided we wanted to move in together and are actively looking for a place together. It is all extremely ex...
A. 29 May 2012: If you are concerned that he will not marry you if you move in together, then by all means discuss it with him before you move in together.
It's important to make sure you are both on the same page.
Perhaps you could get engaged prior to... (read in full...)
Am I right to be jealous of my wife's new 'guy friend'? It goes so far that she even does his laundry!
Q. So, my wife and I have been married 12 yrs, and have always been admired for our relationship. About 6 months ago she started sharing her office with a single man, who quickly turned into her "guy friend". Since then, she's spent a lot of time ...
A. 29 May 2012: Ya know I was going to say you were overly concerned until I got to “she also brings home and does his laundry”… Heck I barely do MY laundry.
I’ve had “work husbands” Men I get very friendly with at work but it’s clear to them from the get go that... (read in full...)
Can friends with benefits work ?
Q. Can Friends with benefits with an ex work ? Me and my ex started seeing each other last november. We did alot for the 2 months we was together. Met his family his friends he met mine. We all got along. He suffered with migraines and had ...
A. 29 May 2012: FWB does not work 99% of the time and I’ve NEVER known it to work when it’s with an ex. They are an ex for a reason. His “can’t bear the thought of you being with someone else” is lip service and a crock.
He says these things to get you to slee... (read in full...)
I'd love to win my ex back, but then part of me would love to move on from her once and for all. What should I do?
Q. Ok, I'll start with one thing: it was a long distance relationship. We met on the Saint Valentine's day in 2011 and had some amazing time together. She's from Canada and she was amazed by Russia, and I happened to be from Russia. It was all nice ...
A. 29 May 2012: why in the world do you want to be with someone who is so mean to you?
I think you should forget about her
in fact, block her name and her information and go NO CONTACT... she will try to get in touch with you because she's a game player and s... (read in full...)
How long is great sex?
Q. how long should be great sex? thank you...
A. 29 May 2012: Depends… can be hours, can be minutes… sometimes hours and hours of sex is NOT great because the partner is not a good fit… ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't mind my moans but it embarrasses me later!
Q. When I orgasm from having sex with my man, I cant help but moan quite loud. I know he likes it but it kind of embaresses me when I think about it afterwards. So Ive tried to stop it but I just cant. I also dig my nails into him so hard that Ive ...
A. 29 May 2012: you can stop being embarrassed.... he likes it... it's normal...
what is so embarrassing about it? Do other folks overhear you? that would embarrass me too. IF no one else can hear you, then what's the problem?
You don't list your age ... (read in full...)
Who is responsible for kids turning into drug addicts? The parenting? The genetics? Or just luck?
Q. Who is responsible for kids turning out drug addicts? The parenting? The genetics? Or just luck? This situation is ruining my life,and my marriage, and I feel ,Im not responsible for this, but the society is turning against us . It is very painful ...
A. 29 May 2012: While placing the blame may help you cope, the best thing I can recommend for more insight into how this is NOT your fault is to contact Al-Anon and attend meetings....
Many of the meetings are populated by PARENTS trying to cope with their ch... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend I MIGHT be pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months now. We get along very well and things are great up until now. The problem is that my period is late and I think I might be pregnant. I know I shouldnt freak out until I know for sure but Im worried. ...
A. 29 May 2012: OP congrats on NOT being pregnant.
remember that Birth control pills need a few weeks to be effective....
... (read in full...)
My wife is pregnant, did she cheat on me and is having someone else's baby?
Q. My wife and I have been using the withdrawal method of birth control. If the timing works it is about 96% effective. While there were a few occasions several months ago where the timing may have been in question, this past two months, since her last ...
A. 29 May 2012: I am often amazed at how little folks know about reproduction
From: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/withdrawal.html
How effective is withdrawal?
Typical use of withdrawal, which is how most people use it, has a failure ra... (read in full...)
She's in Florida, I'm in Canada, can we make it work?
Q. I know I'm only 17 years old but I met this girl on YouTube four years ago and ever since then.. my feelings have been getting very profound... I am doubly sure she reciprocates as I recall asking her if she'd ever date me... to which the answer was ...
A. 27 May 2012: You guys haven't even met face to face in real life yet. For all you know when together it won't work... Online is VERY different from real life.
I'm going to tell you that as an adult with funds and transportation and only a two hour car driv... (read in full...)
These two men complete me, but having just one kills me.
Q. I've been In a relationship for a year now and it's wonderful. We are average, happy, fight over the silly things, kiss and makeup over nothing. In all honesty it's great... But I'm in love with two men. My boyfriend "Steve" and my best guy frie...
A. 26 May 2012: These feelings won't pass till you leave Steve and find a man you truly love.... I'm not saying you don't love Steve but perhaps you don't love him "the right way" or you don't "loe him enough"
It's NOT fair to Steve to stay with him if you don'... (read in full...)
Wife and I have been married 10 years. Should we throw out photos of our exs?
Q. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years but have just had some old possessions dropped off at our house by our parents / parents in law. Funny timing that they all dropped off boxes at about the same time. A lot of this is stuff fr...
A. 26 May 2012: I have most of my ex's pictures put away in photo albums. I've seen pictures of my partner's exes as well.
it's our past but it's what's made us.
none of the pictures are anything obscene or even remotely upsetting... and it's not like we sit ... (read in full...)
Will sucking her breasts increase the size?
Q. Does male sucking females breasts enlarge her breasts or its doesnt affect size of her breasts??...
A. 25 May 2012: IF this was the case all of the mom's who fed our children would be walking around with boulders on our chest. I nursed children continuously from 1984-1989 (more than one child)
no. sucking at the breast does NOT increase the size of the brea... (read in full...)
My husband wants to bring another wife into our marriage!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have two children. I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis that has required 17 surgeries. Our life has been stressful, because of the disease, but I try to stay focused on my husbands needs and even ...
A. 25 May 2012: You are not being unreasonable in saying no. I think it’s wise to have him move out if he wants someone else. I agree with Aunty Em sadly.
I know that a few months ago I was given a medical determination that will probably have me in a wheelc... (read in full...)
Why do so many women want to try having sex with a big penis if size doesn't matter?
Q. Why do so many women want to try having sex with a big penis (like bigger than they've ever had before) if size doesn't matter? Why did men evolve big penises (length and girth) compared to other primates if size doesn't matter?...
A. 25 May 2012: NOT TRUE!
Not sure HOW we find these LARGE penises since they are often attached to SMALL men.
To be honest the LARGEST I ever had was my first husband who at 5'6" was the smallest man I was ever with... go figure...
do we interview... (read in full...)
What do I do about this man's sudden interest?
Q. I am in the middle of a business venture, and I'm 16. While meeting with investors and some other people on a project, I met a man, married, who lives near me and wants to meet at some point. We talked briefly and he ended up driving me home. I ...
A. 25 May 2012: Don't be confused. He's being VERY inappropriate.
KEEP everything with him totally professional. Only respond to professional work related questions... ignore everything else.
if there is someone who is overseeing this project go to th... (read in full...)
My parents wont let me have a relationship
Q. okay now my parents are strictly against relationships and the whole boy thing maybe because my sister started to date really early in the eyes of my parents but this boy asked me out and I kinda have a crush on him so plz help me !...
A. 24 May 2012: Ouch it's so hard to be your age but your parents are doing what they think is best. I was not allowed to date till I was 16 and I did not allow my stepdaughter to date till she was 16 either...
maybe you and this boy can be friends and he can c... (read in full...)
Should we have a MMF threesome?
Q. mmf 3some inquiry my girl and i have been together for 4 yrs now, and i recently found out that she has a fantasy about having a mmf 3sum. we talked about it, and it seemed hot to me. i love her very much, but the idea of having her being with a...
A. 24 May 2012: Didn't even read your whole post so if I miss something I'm sorry
my vote as a former swinger who's marriage ended due to having others in our bed is NO do NOT do it.
Keep it a hot fantasy...
... (read in full...)
Is my colleague playing hard to get?
Q. Why is she doing this to me? and is she playing hard to get or not? I am a guy aged 35 (currently married but on separation) who is interested in female working colleague. She is a 43 year old widow who has one a 17 year old son. We have been wor...
A. 24 May 2012: MOVE ON
"I love you like a brother" says it all... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend I MIGHT be pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months now. We get along very well and things are great up until now. The problem is that my period is late and I think I might be pregnant. I know I shouldnt freak out until I know for sure but Im worried. ...
A. 24 May 2012: You don't tell him you MIGHT be pregnant.
You go get a pregnancy test and you make sure THEN you tell him you don't think it's wise to have this baby and you want him to go hold your hand and take care of you while you terminate the pregnanc... (read in full...)
My mom found out I'm sexually active
Q. My mom found out that I have sex with my bf My bf n I are twenty years old. She is so mad I don't understand why if I'm using protection n I'm not pregnant ...
A. 24 May 2012: Have you talked to her about it? Asked her why it's so upsetting for her?
If you are being responsible and you are not being raised in a strict religious home, then I have no clue why she is so upset...
You may have to ask her.
... (read in full...)
I don't want my girlfriend's gay friend at my house and she doesn't respect my wishes
Q. My girlfriend has this lesbian couple as her friends. I have met them, spent time with them and i quite like them. This Sunday, she wants to take all of us out for breakfast, me, the couple and a male gay friend i have never met, but she talks about ...
A. 24 May 2012: Just because one gay man crossed the line inappropriately with you years ago, does not mean all gay men are like that. Personally I could NOT be friends with (much less date) a person who said “all your friends but the GAY ones are ok”.
S... (read in full...)
Does he want to date me or just have sex?
Q. i am a lady and i am 28 years, i have a male friend that iam going out with. were are in to this relationship just 3weeks now and he is asking me of sex and he said he want me too be his wife but i dont known what too do, should i go on with him...
A. 24 May 2012: tell him if he wants to marry you that badly he can wait for sex till after you get married.
he just wants sex and knows this is how to get you to put out.... (read in full...)
The pros and cons of getting a GED or repeating a grade?
Q. hello everyone during my suppose to be 10th grade year i was taking 9th grade classes and i was considered a 9.5 or a 9th grader so im going to say i was repeating. i really missed up during this year and missed majority of the school year and got ...
A. 24 May 2012: The GED is very very hard. Harder than high school....
Is there a magnet school that you can transfer to that can help you? they have those here in my state trying to keep kids from dropping out.
You sound like you need way more support tha... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend, but sometimes I wonder if I'm "too nice"
Q. This is a question primarily for the men, but I'm interested in hearing everyone's opinion... I haven't read it, but I've recently been contemplating reading the book, Why Men Love Bitches. I googled it and from what I gather, it basically talks ab...
A. 24 May 2012: what the book means (and I have read it) is that you should not be a YES woman. YOU should NOT be a doormat.
YOU should have your life and your interests and your opinions and you should voice them.
he says jump you do not say "how high" you ... (read in full...)
Internet chat room problems...
Q. If your partner has had the habit of going into internet chatrooms for say 3 years. Always denying it knowing that you know, telephone numbers found, conversations seen what said want a naughty pic, asked if they liked. Texting guys and giving phone ...
A. 24 May 2012: people hide things they know are wrong.
if it's been going on for three years and lying is occurring it's probably time to leave the relationship.
the lies undermine any trust you could build.... (read in full...)
Tell me what went wrong?
Q. I need you to please tell me what happened here: Last year, I became really good friends with a boy in my choir. We spent one whole night together for a feild trip and, suddenly, we became really close. He had such a fun, cute, personality and ...
A. 24 May 2012: Nothing went wrong sweetie. This is how teens learn to navigate the world.
You should not do anything... he's gone and that part of your life is over... it's very sad I know but there is not much you can do.
You can't MAKE someone be frien... (read in full...)
What do I do about this man's sudden interest?
Q. I am in the middle of a business venture, and I'm 16. While meeting with investors and some other people on a project, I met a man, married, who lives near me and wants to meet at some point. We talked briefly and he ended up driving me home. I ...
A. 24 May 2012: It does NOT matter how he is interested in you, what matters is that you are 16 and he is clearly older and MARRIED. AND this is BUSINESS and you must learn early on you never mix business and pleasure….
So don’t worry about his motives because ... (read in full...)
Does he like me, or is this a fling?
Q. Hello I'm amber,,just want to as something that really confusing my mind,.i met this guy for just week now and I really like him and I know him also,so we had a lunch and spend that day for whole night..hes really so gentle man and always send me ...
A. 24 May 2012: He's probably serious in that he wants to see you again but I would not give up your life waiting for him to come back.
And I would not sleep with him just yet.... (read in full...)
Is this fair?
Q. I know this not a relationship question, but I just want to know if I'm being treated unfairly. So my dad passed away not too long ago and I had to live with somebody else now, she took custody of me. She applied for a benefit so I can' get stuff ...
A. 24 May 2012: I work for the federal government agency in the USA that manages retirement, survivors and disability payments. That is probably WHERE the person who has custody of you is getting survivors benefits from. It is based on what your dad paid into the ... (read in full...)
My friends and family believe that this guy is bad news but he makes me happy. What do I do?
Q. I'm pretty sure there is no other position like mine anywhere else in the world. It's so confusing. Me and this guy have been on and off for a while. We were friends with benefits at first but I began to fall in love with him and he did too. We ...
A. 23 May 2012: You are not alone honey... look at all the FWB posts here..
on and off is never a good sign....
FWB RARELY works out to be true love and usually the woman feels more than the man and she puts on Rose colored glasses so she can see ONLY wha... (read in full...)
Since I was 5 months pregnant husband checked out emotionally
Q. My husband and I got married 9 months ago, I was 4 months pregnant. I'm 20 and he is 28. When we first met, we had a passionate loving relationship. Once I started showing he didn't seem interested in sex anymore, we only had sex about 5 times since ...
A. 23 May 2012: did you guys get married because you were pregnant? or were you planning to marry anyway?
IF he married you because it was the right thing to do, then I doubt there is much you can do to fix this and I think a divorce might be in order.
... (read in full...)
How can a woman cure her fishy odor?
Q. I feel helpless, I am very clean, and been to my doctors and she tested me. every thing can back normal, no infections. My boyfriend has stop having sex with me, because he say i smell fishy real bad, when he pre-cums, and cums. he even gag's. He ...
A. 23 May 2012: I will tell you in my personal experience that I have never had odor issues until my current partner.
He swears that every woman he has ever been with has had issues... thankfully he is well aware that it's how we interact with HIS BODY chemistr... (read in full...)
I'm a lesbian, then what's with my feelings for this man?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm in a bit of a crazy dilemma here. First off, I'm a 29 year old lesbian woman, holder of a PhD in Electrical Engineering. So I'm not an idiot. I also don't want kids, so I'm not really worried about my age. Since I was a ...
A. 23 May 2012: I am a mostly heterosexual woman with bi-sexual tendencies. I enjoy sex with women but my primary partner is male... always has been.
I for many years considered myself heterosexual only... it was not till I was in my mid 30s I accepted that I w... (read in full...)
Is it possible to be stuck with somebody?
Q. is it possible to be stuck with somebody? is my question to you guys. ive been with a guy for 5 yrs and we are going no where in life. im getting my life together on my own i just recently got my GED and im 3 classes shy away from getting my a...
A. 23 May 2012: Of COURSE NOT. You can be married. You can have children with someone and you can still NOT be stuck with them.
You have to just walk away. You have to say NO I’m done.
I’m not happy I’m leaving.
YOU are not stuck. IF YOU believe him when he ... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 23 May 2012: Maverick maybe it's our ages? I'm 52 and I agree with Cindy totally.
he who asks (or she) pays... if it's a date
if it's friends who go regularly saying "hey let's go to dinner" we split it... or we take turns treating...
I was... (read in full...)
What type of porn would he like?
Q. my partner and I both enjoy watching porn but we don't do it together, I know what I like but would like to know what most men would like to watch. Due to him being a tight arse and refusing to get a new phone where he could view and download ...
A. 23 May 2012: Most men are NOT YOUR MAN.
ASK HIM what he likes.
Personally I have NO problems with porn but I don't think it belongs on a phone.
computer maybe
DVD and TV for sure.
anyone can pick up a phone and look at it...
... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend gets testosterone treatments will it change him?
Q. Hi guys, My boyfriend thinks he may have low testosterone levels and he has a doctors appointment for it. My question is that if he does and he gets treatment, will his personality change? He has a low sex drive at the moment but this hasn't alwa...
A. 23 May 2012: My father had low-T he wore a patch, it helped his mood and his energy. I can't speak to his sex drive (thankfully) but he was in his 60s when this happened.
Other than a low sex drive what else makes him think he has low-T? It's usually ... (read in full...)
Can we survive this? Boyfriend refuses to live on a budget!
Q. My boyfriend and i seem to be on different planets. We have plans. But he refuses to live to a budget. And worse he has walked off several jobs. When this happens he ends up borr9owing from Mr. If we have very different ideas on budgeting is there...
A. 22 May 2012: folks need to be on the same page fiscally to make a relationship work.
I'm very bad at budgeting so I leave that to my partner. I make more than he does but he's in charge of what I can and cannot spend.
I don't agree with his habits but w... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend lying about why her cousin was in her room so long?
Q. one day in an ocassion, me and my girlfriend's first cousin who is a guy have been drinking. for a while he left me and without knowing, he goes to my girlfriend's room. it took a couple hours after he get back. i asked my girlfriend if what they ...
A. 22 May 2012: Are you saying that you think she was sexual with her cousin?... (read in full...)
Forced to accept being kept in the dark, how can I cope?
Q. Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship, with no problems at all. However, something has come up recently that I feel I need a little guidance in navigating. Recently, my boyfriend has taken a job with an organization...
A. 22 May 2012: "how was work hon"
"it was fine, don't ask anything else i don't want to have to kill you"
just accept that work conversations will be ODD.
if his clearance is that high and you are a couple they will clear you as well.... but still ... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 22 May 2012: I think the person that asks for the date should pay. Usually this is the guy. IF the girl asks, then she should be prepared to pay but I think the guy should at least OFFER (and mean it)
Indian food if you both like it is fine for a first da... (read in full...)
Forced to accept being kept in the dark, how can I cope?
Q. Hello everyone! My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship, with no problems at all. However, something has come up recently that I feel I need a little guidance in navigating. Recently, my boyfriend has taken a job with an organization...
A. 22 May 2012: My first husband had clearance and I had no clue what he did for work other than it was computers in a particular location for a particular contractor for a particular government agency.
WHEN he traveled I knew WHERE he was going WHEN he left and... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend lying about why her cousin was in her room so long?
Q. one day in an ocassion, me and my girlfriend's first cousin who is a guy have been drinking. for a while he left me and without knowing, he goes to my girlfriend's room. it took a couple hours after he get back. i asked my girlfriend if what they ...
A. 22 May 2012: sometimes folks need to talk in private especially if it's about sensitive family matters.
what do you think actually happened and why would you think that?
... (read in full...)
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