Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
My boyfriend seems to make it obvious that I'm not that glamourous
Q. Hi everyone, as anyone ever been in a relationship with someone where they knew the person didn't find them as physically attractive as other people and felt like you were being wasted on them? My boyfriend seems to make it obvious that I'm not that ...
A. 2 July 2012: your BF sounds like a tool.
when my fiance and I started going out originally I was NOT his type. I was attractive but not gorgeous. I'm still not gorgeous and I'm still not his "type" in terms of what initially attracts him but now to him, I'm... (read in full...)
One minute I was everything for him, the next minute, it was all over!! How is that even possible?
Q. 2 weeks ago, I went to the hospital for my medical checkup. The medical nurse who took my blood sample approached me later and asked for my mobile number. To make it short, he told me that he was so disturbed by me the day I came to the hospital ...
A. 2 July 2012: Sounds to me like he liked the way you looked and hoped there would be chemistry.
you had one date and it was not there and he's not willing to waste your time or his.
he's a stand up guy... that's all there is to it.
... (read in full...)
My 13 year old Bf of one month wants to move to 'touching' (second base). Is it too early to push for this?
Q. Okay, I am 14, my boyfriend is 13, been together for over a month. He wants to move to second base ( feeling/touching..), if it's okay with me. I just wonder if that's too soon.. :/ ...
A. 2 July 2012: if you are asking, then it's too soon.
If you wanted to try it with him, then you would have done it.
so for YOU yes it's too soon. ... (read in full...)
Besides Erectile Dysfunction could my low Testoserone levels be affecting my sex appeal to women in a negative way?
Q. Hi, I really need some help, especially from someone in the medical profession or anyone who might know about this. I'm a perfectly healthy, pleasant, bright, socially active forty two year old guy. But I've never had a girlfriend. In all m...
A. 2 July 2012: Women can not pick up on LOW T or ED... the problem is not those things... the problem is how you carry yourself which may or may not be related to those things.
side effects from Low-T treatment should be addressed with your doctor.. I can... (read in full...)
How much is too much physical interaction for a 6 year old to see between adults?
Q. I am engaged to a 36 year old man with a 6 year old son from his 1st marriage. She died from drugs when their son was 2. He and I plan to have a child(ren) together too. I am in a real good spot. All I want out of life right now is to love t...
A. 2 July 2012: I think it's fine for kids to see affection between their parents. Hugs, kisses... cuddles on the couch an occasional rump smack or prod... NBD
I draw the line at naked sex or overtly sexual behaviors...
and the older they get the more the... (read in full...)
She's 9 years older than me. Could it work?
Q. So there is this chick at work that I like a lot and I think she likes me as well but she's about 9 years older than me and I'm not sure if it can work due to the age difference like we get along great always have something to talk about and it is ...
A. 2 July 2012: My fiancé is 39. I'm 52... of course Age Gap relationships can work... 9 years is not a lot...
the bigger issue is that she's at work which means if you date and it doesn't' work out one of you will probably want to get a new job.... (read in full...)
What can we do? I feel pressured into what names we should give our children
Q. I have recently become engaged with my boyfriend of 4 years and we've been having talks about when we'll start a family. He's named after his Father (who wasn't named after anybody) My partner's Grandfather was called a traditional name in the fami...
A. 2 July 2012: Family names can be hard to get around.
There is always the "name the baby one thing and call it another" rule... confusing later on for friends and such but it's been done for years... and sometimes the names that the child gets called are not ... (read in full...)
Should I just stay friends with him?
Q. Recently iv'e been getting closer to this guy. We're always flirting and laughing and his friends keep telling me that he likes me. I like him too and really want our friendship to develop, but he had this thing going on with my best friend about a ...
A. 2 July 2012: I don't think it's a good idea to date an ex of a friend without clearing it with the friend first. And it could cause problems.
he's got a history of messing up girls (your friend) are you sure you want to mess with that and take the risk he ... (read in full...)
Has my boyfriend crossed a line?
Q. My boyfriend of almost a year is in Miami on a business trip and is coming home today. He has been in contact via text for the 3 days he's been gone, and since this is our first time really apart, I gave him some space and didn't overwhelm him...I ...
A. 1 July 2012: Personally I have found that men that admit to doing it are very much open and honest about it and NOT disrespectful...
I think he's been open and above board with you about what he's been doing and that's a good thing.
I think you are ov... (read in full...)
I'm seeing a married man and don't know how to handle things
Q. I'm in a tough situation. I'm seeing a married man. I've known him since I was around 14 years old, I've also been in love with him since the day we met. We had a fling back in high school. After high school, I took off and left the state. He ...
A. 29 June 2012: Ok so he’s getting a divorce and his wife is an evil thing. If he’s still living with her how in the world has he filed for the divorce. In many states you have to live apart…
And that doesn’t answer my question… does he tell his wife he’s see... (read in full...)
What to do about my husband?
Q. I am 30, 31 next week. I have this problem with my husband. Saturday night is date night. We went out to eat and then to a movie. He does not do this the rest of the week, but on date night, he is picky about what I wear. When we got to...
A. 29 June 2012: OH wow... if my guy got fussy after I wore what he asked me to wear (and he does on date night like you get a say in what I wear but going BRA-LESS would not be an option even with my surgery)... he'd be told
"look either i wear what YOU want and... (read in full...)
I am in a LDR and I am frustrated!
Q. I am not happy that my once good normal loving relationship of over 2 years has turned into a long distance one (about 6 hours apart - my boyfriend moved for work because he had to transfer or lose his job in a downsize). I don't really want to ...
A. 29 June 2012: He is right, ONE of you has to move to stay together.
you can't keep doing LDR forever.
if you have tried to end it and he refused you do have choices.
You go see him one last time.
you tell him at the start of the weekend that you ar... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so controlling it's a problem but I can't break up with him because I love him!
Q. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21. We've been in a serious committed relationship for almost a year. At first I wasn't very expressive and romantic towards him cuz I was just getting to know him and I am a very shy person.. He was very patient and kind ...
A. 29 June 2012: Listen to this old auntie... TRUST MKE
“He was very patient and kind and gentle and caring during this time”
READ: he’s no longer patient and kind and gentle and caring.. now he’s mean and angry and manipulative because he has trapped me in... (read in full...)
How do I save my marriage after all this?
Q. I have been with my husband for 2 years.We have only been married for 5 months. We have seperated about 4 times for about two weeks each time during our two years together.This last time we seperated I honestly thought it was the end I even asked ...
A. 29 June 2012: Together for two years married for 5 months and separated FOUR TIMES already. That’s an average of two separations a year… what’s to fix?
Why do you keep separating? I think that looking at what the problems are will tell you if this marr... (read in full...)
Should I perform oral sex on my B/f just to make him happy? Or should he respect my decision and not make me feel bad for not doing it?
Q. My long distance boyfriend keeps asking me to perform oral sex on him. We have had numerous discussions sometimes resulting in arguments in which I explain that I'm not comfortable doing so and he tells me it would make him happy so I should. Before ...
A. 29 June 2012: I have the opposite problem… I love giving and getting but my partner only likes getting… he does not want to give me oral. We talked about these issues BEFORE we got serious.
FOR HIM, not receiving blow jobs is a deal breaker. FOR ME, not ... (read in full...)
Second step cousin is that incest?
Q. HELP!!!!! I inlove with my STEP SECOND COUSIN. I know that we are not blood related but I would like to know if this would be Considered as Spirtial Incest?...
A. 29 June 2012: STEP SECOND cousin.. not blood related.
not incest in the legal sense of the word
if you met as adults then I can't see an issue at all unless it would put the family at odds.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend accuses me of cheating every day!
Q. My boyfriend accusses me of cheating everday,ive never and wld never cheat but really he is ruining what we have. I love him but im tired of defending myself it is making me physically sick! What do i do?...
A. 29 June 2012: If he accuses you EVERY DAY and you have never given him a reason to question you, then I’d consider that he’s not balanced mentally and you might want to end the relationship.
IT could be that he’s cheating or considering it.
It could be that he’... (read in full...)
I've not responded to this girl sending me nasty messages but she is still doing it, what should I do?
Q. Hi guys, so I've asked about this twice... I'll link the threads if the Aunts will let me. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-friend-bullies-me.html and http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what...
A. 29 June 2012: Not only would I ignore her I would block her number and block her on twitter and facebook and anywhere else she has access to you.... (read in full...)
Would it be rude to ask for gift cards instead of gifts?
Q. This is not a relationship question but I am curious. My daughters first birthday is next month and we plan on keeping it simple inviting family and a few close family friends. Now I know usually people buy clothes or toys for gifts and I'm wonderin...
A. 29 June 2012: IF they ASK it's one thing to tell them... but to REQUEST it is wrong.
Assume that you can return for store credit anything you are given and go from there.
Heck I was told it's rude to say NO GIFTS please on an invitation to an open ho... (read in full...)
She goes weeks without touching me but promises me we'll have plenty of sex once married
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a 1.5 years and we are compatible in almost every way. Both of us are in our early 30's. My sex drive is still very high and I always want some no matter how tired or overworked I am. I am agnostic and she...
A. 29 June 2012: I have never known it to get better after marriage (the sexual frequency)
I will respect anyone who wants to save sex for marriage but to me that means saving any and all genital contact not just intercourse. And then the rub is that you don'... (read in full...)
The perfect partner that does one thing you cannot forgive....has anyone else experienced this?
Q. Does anybody ever think someone would of been perfect for you if they just hadn't done that one thing you can't forgive? I wanted to marry my ex-boyfriend but he damaged my pride and made me feel unattractive. He didn't do it on purpose, buf it cuts ...
A. 29 June 2012: The one thing for me is cheating/lying.
If you can't be trusted then I can't be with you.
Doing something that hurts my feelings is for me a forgivable act for the most part.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is planning a vacation with his ex-wife, for their daughter's sake. Should I be upset?
Q. Recently, my boyfriend of about 9 months said that he and his ex-wife were planning to take their 5 year old daughter on vacation to Disneyworld. They've been divorced for a few years, and live about three hours apart, but share equal custody of the ...
A. 29 June 2012: How about if you and your boyfriend take his daughter to DL without her mom.
I'm sorry I was a divorced mom of young kids (they are now grown) and there was No way in hell i was going on any vacation with my ex once we were apart.
Now we ... (read in full...)
Is it fair for my partner to blame me for looking at his emails when I found out he's cheating again?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We have an 8 month old daughter together. We were starting new and moved recently to a new state because of a job opportunity for him. A few months ago I noticed him acting a ...
A. 29 June 2012: You don’t trust him and with good reason. He’s a liar. He’s a cheater and he’s a manipulator.
I agree with everyone else. You should leave him and make sure to get court ordered (garnished) child support. That means you won’t need to have cont... (read in full...)
Why haven't I met his friends yet?
Q. I've been with my bf for almost a year now in somewhat of a long distance relationship. We live an hour from each other and only see each other on weekends when he comes and spends the whole weekend with me. In the whole time I've known him, I've ...
A. 29 June 2012: IF you spend most weekends at your place, then you spend most of the time around your friends... you've met his family and friends so it sounds like he's not hiding you it's just that it's easier at your place to deal with your friends.
if he... (read in full...)
I'm 22, my girlfriend's 30 and I feel that she's embarassed about our age gap
Q. I've recently started dating this new girl. She's amazing, smart, funny, we get along really well with each other, we have a lot of the same interests and we just have a lot of fun in general. There's also a lot of genuine physical attraction there ...
A. 29 June 2012: I’m 52 and my guy is 39. He watches cartoons and plays video games (so do I but for exercise)… we play board games together for our hobby. So I don’t think that the issues she is bringing up are AGE related so much as personality related.
An 8 ... (read in full...)
If I am resigned to a lousy love life but otherwise a good relationship is that worth hanging onto?
Q. Dear Aunts, I am more in love with my current girlfriend of 5 years than I have been with any other woman, but she is a sexual dead fish. She does not enjoy sex with me and she won't work with me to improve it. Quite frankly, I think she i...
A. 28 June 2012: I can see both sides of this.
Side A
You resign yourself to this life. Fifteen years from now you are posting on here about how miserable you are not having sex with your wife except for your birthday and anniversary. You want out of the ... (read in full...)
My older friend targets younger girls. Should I talk to him about it?
Q. Hello all, I know this opinion may be controversial, but here it goes. My friend just graduated from high school. He's a really cool guy and all but he always goes after girls who are 13 or 14. This is weird to me. I don't mind age differen...
A. 28 June 2012: He will go after the wrong girl and her parents will press charges and he will go to jail and be branded a sex offender for life.
That means, no real jobs, no neighbors wanting him in the neighborhood... having to report in to the authorit... (read in full...)
How do I know my online guy is for real?
Q. I have meet a guy in on a dating site , we only send mails with each other within a month and he tells me he loves me and wants to be his wife,i am confuse as of now if i'll believe him or not ,what will i dont know if his for real...
A. 28 June 2012: Yes it's a SCAM. He is a con man a cheat and a liar.
cut all contact NOW.... (read in full...)
I have clear discharge, what is it?
Q. Im having a clear discharge,i started seen it today.last month i was circumcised and i had a wound on my penis and used bactroban to heal the wound. Could it be the cause or its sexual infection? At the same time my lady has rash on her vagina but ...
A. 27 June 2012: yeah I'm sorry Tisha is right.. this is something a doctor has to SEE and possibly culture... that' can't be done over the internet... you must call your doctor and make an appointment with him/her... (read in full...)
He is a good man but his constant money issues have eroded our relationship!
Q. I was or am involved with a man with 2 children and we were very compatible and enjoyed our times together, but he has a lot of problems with his ex and demands for extra money (divorced 5 years, he pays his maintenance on time and always gives ...
A. 27 June 2012: I think you are being wise.
Money can't by happiness but it sure can make being miserable easier...
IF he is old enough to be divorced and the parent of two children he needs to either be making more money (get a second job) or he needs a bette... (read in full...)
I think I have a foot fetish. Why would I be like this?
Q. I am 18 and for a couple of years I've had this soft spot for a certain porn video. It is all about foot fetish. It's just licking and kissing etcetera and the people are kind of clothed but in real life I have a foot fobia and in any other video ...
A. 27 June 2012: Something about the video caught your attention. I prefer younger men but there’s always Sean Connery… .so even occasionally we go for things not normally in our repertoire… I’d relax and not worry about it.... (read in full...)
Guilty of leaving my wife and son for my mistress! What should I do?
Q. This is a tough one. I been separated from my wife of 10 years for 9 months now. We have a loving 2 year old boy. The reason for the separation is because I fell in love with my mistress. I been living with her now and we now have a relationship ...
A. 27 June 2012: what will happen in 9 years when you are bored with your girlfriend? will you take a new lover to spice things up and then leave the old one for the new one?
you started an affair with another woman when you had a one year old at home... that... (read in full...)
How small is too small in the penis department?
Q. Hi there Me and my gf are getting to the point where sex is the next move and I am not to worried about it I will do my best but I was just wondering Because she likes big penises she told me and I'm not to bad in that department but how how smal...
A. 27 June 2012: I agree with Serpico. it's only too small if it's too small for her.
That being said as a petite woman I find a larger than average or even something on the HIGH end of average too large for me to be comfortable...
and to be honest MOST wome... (read in full...)
Want to date but want freedom too
Q. I have a question that I feel is slightly odd tbh. I seem to have a bit of a fear of commitment, in the respect that when I'm in a relationship, I obviously won't have the freedom of a single man... It's not like I have a huge amount of fem...
A. 27 June 2012: oh and quite honestly why would a taken man go to a club without his woman anyway?... (read in full...)
I have clear discharge, what is it?
Q. Im having a clear discharge,i started seen it today.last month i was circumcised and i had a wound on my penis and used bactroban to heal the wound. Could it be the cause or its sexual infection? At the same time my lady has rash on her vagina but ...
A. 27 June 2012: I would contact the doctor with this question.... (read in full...)
Want to date but want freedom too
Q. I have a question that I feel is slightly odd tbh. I seem to have a bit of a fear of commitment, in the respect that when I'm in a relationship, I obviously won't have the freedom of a single man... It's not like I have a huge amount of fem...
A. 27 June 2012: I'm getting married in October. I flirt all the time. I just don't flirt to pick people up for sex or dating...
my fiance knows I flirt and he likens it to breathing for me, that's how natural it is for me. I don't even think about it... I don't ... (read in full...)
Can I trust him? He clicked like on her profile!
Q. This is probably going to be the silliest question I've ever asked and I'm a bit embarrassed asking advice on this but the other day my boyfriend " liked " a girls picture on Facebook. He says it was his friend but since then it's made me very ...
A. 27 June 2012: If the way you lay it out is all that's going on then you are over reacting.
I like photos on face book (or statuses) all the time, it does not mean I fancy the fellow or the woman or want anything from them other than facebook friends.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to only want sex?
Q. Is it ok to only want sex? I mean I see that women are often irritated because the new guy they just met only seems to be interested in sex. What's wrong with that? ...
A. 27 June 2012: In my opinion it’s OK to want only sex if you are open and honest about it from step one… NO LIES, no pretending to actually LIKE her for more than a roll in the hay….
Be prepared to be lonely….. most women are not interested in just sex they... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a guy to have slept with only one girl?
Q. Hello everyone, I don't know if Im being paranoid by asking this question. Well, is it wrong for a guy to have slept with only one girl? Because when my friends talk or having conversations, they boast or brag about having sex with four or more ...
A. 27 June 2012: NOT cheating is normal and right.
you sound like a good guy with his act together. your friends sound like players and jerks to be honest.
... (read in full...)
Would it be a mistake to go running off after a fling?
Q. Ok I have a dilemma. Ive met a wonderful man I just feel absolutely amazing when im with him. Hes just one of those men who really wants to make his woman happy. I dnt mean like a whimp but like a real man would want. BUT, HE LIVES IN PENNSYLVANIA ...
A. 27 June 2012: SC to PA is not that bad. It’s doable as a temporary LDR…
The age gap is not big (9 years) but the life stages are a bit off (21 to 30 is a big difference for many)
I think you need to end the old relationship as quickly and cleanly as possible ... (read in full...)
I feel a fool for hooking up with somebody who only wants sex!
Q. Me and this guy had been talking for 6 months online (I'm english, he is german) we eventually meet up and we end up sleeping together. Big BIG mistake. We were on different wave lengths in regards to what was happening, I thought we were going to ...
A. 27 June 2012: You like him
You miss him
The sex is fun
But you want more right?
He’s not going to give you more.. it’s always going to be just about sex… if that’ s NOT ok then you need to tell him that you can’t do this and cancel the next meeting…... (read in full...)
I think I have a foot fetish. Why would I be like this?
Q. I am 18 and for a couple of years I've had this soft spot for a certain porn video. It is all about foot fetish. It's just licking and kissing etcetera and the people are kind of clothed but in real life I have a foot fobia and in any other video ...
A. 27 June 2012: you are the way you are because that's how you are...
it does not make you a bad person or a pervert..
btw if you can't have sexual relations without the fetish object that's the concern... if it's just something you like that turns you on, w... (read in full...)
I'm seeing a married man and don't know how to handle things
Q. I'm in a tough situation. I'm seeing a married man. I've known him since I was around 14 years old, I've also been in love with him since the day we met. We had a fling back in high school. After high school, I took off and left the state. He ...
A. 27 June 2012: What do you want help with handling?
Do you want help in how to continue helping him cheat and lie to his wife?
Do you want help with how to end what is a BAD situation?
Do you want help in figuring out why you think it’s ok to sleep w... (read in full...)
How do I know my online guy is for real?
Q. I have meet a guy in on a dating site , we only send mails with each other within a month and he tells me he loves me and wants to be his wife,i am confuse as of now if i'll believe him or not ,what will i dont know if his for real...
A. 26 June 2012: DO NOT believe him.
You have only sent email
no meeting IRL
no phone calls
no texts
no skype
no contact OTHER than email?
he could not possibly love you....
and how could he know he wants to marry you...
you need to meet him IRL... (read in full...)
Want to date but want freedom too
Q. I have a question that I feel is slightly odd tbh. I seem to have a bit of a fear of commitment, in the respect that when I'm in a relationship, I obviously won't have the freedom of a single man... It's not like I have a huge amount of fem...
A. 26 June 2012: “I have the freedom to speak to any girl I want”
What makes you think that once you are in a relationship the freedom to speak to someone based on their sex becomes limited? My fiancé cannot DATE anyone else.. he cannot be intimate with any... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
