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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How should I handle my insecure and jealous boyfriend?
Q. Here is a background of me and my boyfriend. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-not-a-talker-but-my-ldr.html My boyfriend has a few times said to me that because I am quiet on the phone, he thinks I am distant, and that I must be talking w...
A. 26 June 2012: Oh sweetie… this is so NOT good… He’s irrational and jealous for no reason and he’s accusing you of cheating and lying.
I don’t see this ending well but to be honest when he had said “how was your date” I would have said “it was fine the youn... (read in full...)
How should I handle my insecure and jealous boyfriend?
Q. Here is a background of me and my boyfriend. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-not-a-talker-but-my-ldr.html My boyfriend has a few times said to me that because I am quiet on the phone, he thinks I am distant, and that I must be talking w...
A. 26 June 2012: Oh sweetie… this is so NOT good… He’s irrational and jealous for no reason and he’s accusing you of cheating and lying.
I don’t see this ending well but to be honest when he had said “how was your date” I would have said “it was fine the youn... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should make a move though or if I shouldn't trust this guy after whatever happened the last time...
Q. Hey. I'm a bit confused and unsure what to do. Firstly I'm 20 and like older men in their early to mid 30's. Basically two years ago when I was 18 I was seeing a guy who was 34 at weekends and occasional evenings. We'd go out in a group of mixed ...
A. 26 June 2012: IF he's single now and you end up with him as his GF will you ever trust him to not cheat on you?
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he feels that our relationship is a waste of time?
Q. Well yesterday me an my boyfriend was barely talking he send me an message an he takes forever to text back. So lastnight he finally told me we was sleeping,i told him i love him which he said it back. The last text he sent to me was text me in the ...
A. 25 June 2012: sounds like you are having a relationship via texting...
It sounds to me like he's wanting to end it....
30 minutes apart when you have no regular easy transportation is a long way...
he wants sex you don't
if he asks and they come and ... (read in full...)
Am I reasonable for being upset over this?
Q. Ive been really annoyed with my boyfriend lately. We just started dating and our relationship is relatively new but yesterday I asked if he wanted to hang out later on in the day and he said sure do. It was around 6 o clock and i texted him and ...
A. 25 June 2012: Stop doing things for him.
Stop texting and asking to get together.
stop rowing the relationship boat and see what happens.
I'm betting the boat will drift along and he'll call when he is hungry or horny....
STOP buying him dinner...... (read in full...)
Marriage makes sense because of my military situation, but my parents won't approve
Q. Me and my girlfriend have a somewhat unique problem. We have been going out for roughly 8 months now, and dated a few years ago for about a month. We were good friends in between those years. I am in the military and we have been dealing with the ...
A. 25 June 2012: IF you are still so concerned with what your parents think and feel you are probably too young to get married.
As you can see from your own parents, marrying young is not a great idea. What you want at 19/20/21 is NOT what you want at 30. I kn... (read in full...)
When I cum it looks like I've wet the bed
Q. I've got a quite embarrassing problem, when my boyfriend is pleasuring me and I reach my climax I seem to realease a large amount and it goes everywhere as if I've wet the bed, I don't know if this is a problem or if theirs anything I do to control ...
A. 25 June 2012: I doubt you can control it... I'd suggest pee pads under your tush during sex so it protects the bed... or a towel...
or be prepared to change the sheets regularly.... ... (read in full...)
My guys cum tastes bitter and salty, suggestions?
Q. I know I could google this and read a bunch of articles, but I need help. I've been the only girl that has successfully given my guy a bj EVER! He loves it and I love to please him. The thing is his cum tastes really bitter and salty. The last ...
A. 25 June 2012: I agree it's what he eats.
he needs more fruit... a glass of pineapple juice a day will do it..
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has pictures of his ex's on his laptop and wont get rid of them!
Q. My bf keeps pics on his laptop of his exes. I could understand them being put away in a box or on a hard drive. It makes me feel like they are there to gain easy access to them and makes me feel second best. I have spoke to him and tried to explain. ...
A. 25 June 2012: i have lots of pictures of my ex husband on my hard drive, on my facebook page etc.. they are in folders that i never look at... just because they are on the computer does not mean i'm attached to him... it's like keeping photo albums on the ... (read in full...)
Is my best friend racist? Or am I just being over-sensitive?
Q. Ok so my best friend is Caucasian, and I am African American. I totally understand why she would want to date a white guy, because it is something that I understand the agreements and disagreements of that topic being offensive. But we live in a ...
A. 25 June 2012: I agree she does not mean any harm... she's just spouting off what she has learned... or what she feels/believes.
I have a great kid story too.. my son was about 6 and he came home from school and was telling me about this girl he liked.. he w... (read in full...)
My brother's new girlfriend is flirting with me.....
Q. My brother started dating a new girl a few months ago. He met her through an online dating site. I don't know how serious he is about her as he just got out of a long-term relationship (he was engaged) prior to meeting her. Likewise, I don't kn...
A. 25 June 2012: Only time will tell if she's a natural flirt and just being nice or has sinister motives.
Personally I'm a huge flirt even in front of my man whom I love and would never cheat on... just because I flirt with a man does not mean I'm interested i... (read in full...)
It seems like my FWB was actually married or in a relationship and I never knew, how do I get past the guilt of what I did to this other woman?
Q. I had a fwb type thing going on for a year or so. The guy never promised anything more and when I started to get feelings i stopped the arrangement, told him to delete my number blah de blah. That was 3 months ago, he has txt here n there but i ...
A. 25 June 2012: you have no clue he was married or dating...
you ended it 3 months ago for all you know it was a first date with this woman....
in addition you have no guilt.. if you had NO CLUE he was attached how are you at fault???
you did good 3 mont... (read in full...)
He asked me out but I am going away for a week ....
Q. So I met this guy the other night, he has asked me out but thing is I can't go out at all this week because I have already have plans... I am going to visit my friend in europe for a week and leave this friday, so I also have to get ready for that ...
A. 25 June 2012: Personally, it's good to be busy.
So you tell him, "I'd love to but I'm booked solid till my vacation and then I'll be gone till XX/XX (the date you return). Gee the timing sucks... can we make plans for XX/XX ?" (the date after you return t... (read in full...)
Is he really serious about a future together?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, I'm 24 and he's 26. A couple of years ago I told him I'd like for us to live together, but he said he wasn't ready yet and he'd reconsider the following year. That came and went, and there was no ...
A. 25 June 2012: If he's putting money away for your future, you should offer to contribute to the same fund... therefore you need a joint account.
I would offer to do this and see what he says... if he says NO that he's not interested in a joint account ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if we want the same things out of our relationship
Q. Am I being too sensitive? I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months, we're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we have told each other we love each other and that we won't see other people. My problem is that he never seems to m...
A. 25 June 2012: You are right, if a guy is into you he makes the effort. And it doesn’t seem like an effort to him.
IF you are concerned that you are doing all the work in your relationship, stop doing so much and see what happens.
Think of your relationship... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex wife got to sit with his family at the funeral, and wore her wedding ring that day! Am I right to be hurt by this?
Q. I don't know what to think of this and would like opinions. My fiance's father died in Jan. Both his ex-wife and I attended the funeral and we were both civil. I was a little hurt by the fact that his ex deposited herself squarely in the front row ...
A. 25 June 2012: The only thing I see wrong here is that the ex wore her wedding ring that day. And that’s ON HER not him or the family.
I agree with CindyCares and the other posters who feel that the ex wife is still the family. She is the mother of the gran... (read in full...)
How do I get him back, I know he likes me!
Q. I want to get back together with this guy. We've been seeing each other for four months - last Wednesday I asked him what our relationship was. He was all okay with it and as soon as we left the restaurant he talked about splitting up with me. We ...
A. 25 June 2012: Dear Gatsby,
I can say I’m the queen but that does not make it so. It’s so easy for folks to SAY anything. What we need to look at is what they DO….
You say you are struggling… after 4 months you want to get back together with a man that ... (read in full...)
How do I get him back, I know he likes me!
Q. I want to get back together with this guy. We've been seeing each other for four months - last Wednesday I asked him what our relationship was. He was all okay with it and as soon as we left the restaurant he talked about splitting up with me. We ...
A. 25 June 2012: I have to agree with Caring Guy.
He told you he didn't know what to do but by dropping off your things and not having any contact with you he shows you he made his choice.
He also showed you what a classless act he is.
Let it go.
... (read in full...)
Is getting pregnant at 15 the right thing to do?
Q. Well, im 15... And me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, now heres my issue, when we hit a year... My boyfriend wants a BABY..... Okay look, I absoulutly ADORE babies, I LOVE them. And I have no problem with pregnancy at this age.... ...
A. 22 June 2012: I can't improve on anything KC said. so I say ditto.
it's not a good idea for so many reasons....
... (read in full...)
Older female falls for young men and gets hurt every time! Do I stop, or alter how I feel about the inevitable end?
Q. i know im in trouble. i even know how i got here. i just dont know how to stop. im a girl who is an artist and i enjoy the company of artistic feeling when it comes to love; sensuality, beauty, emotional feeling and connection, spunk and spirit...
A. 22 June 2012: My younger man is 39. We are getting married in October.
I am 52.
I think that some younger men are after older women for the wrong reasons (easy sex etc) but there are some that actually prefer the company of older women.
For my fian... (read in full...)
How do I handle insulting people who think I look too young to be a Mother? I'm twenty six.
Q. Hi everyone I was just wondering how people in a similar situation deal with this I have a son who is 4 later this year. I had him when I was 22. My partner left me when I told him I was pregnant but I look very young for my age even though I am 26 ...
A. 22 June 2012: I'm not sure why in the world you care what strangers think at all... but to be honest it's their loss and their own ignorance...
in this day and age of older women having babies, etc I've learned not to make any assumptions at all about who the ... (read in full...)
Should I just consider her gone from my life forever?
Q. My ex now broke up with me like 3 months ago and is now with someone else but still think about here every day and i'm not sure if is hould contact her because before when i emailed her she didn't reply and she delated me from facebook. and has ...
A. 22 June 2012: She is gone forever and thankfully for you she's gone No Contact so it will eventually be easier for you...
just keep trying to live your life... go out with friends, meet new folks... be open to new experiences, try new things and the rest wil... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to say 'thank you' for everything he does for me!
Q. My boyfriend has make so uncomfortable lately, everytime he brings me out to eat he always wants a thank you right away. he treats me like a uneducated person who doesnt know how to thank people when things are done or given to them. i always say ...
A. 22 June 2012: we say please and thank you a lot in our house but we NEVER demand it from each other...
is he older? if so he's being controlling and manipulative and I'd tread carefully...
if he's DEMANDING behavior from you, I'd be careful... that'... (read in full...)
Do you think it's still possible for me to meet someone who will want to be with me?
Q. Well, I'm 20. I live in the US. I'm obese I guess. I weigh 297 and I'm about five and a half feet. I've never felt loved or accepted. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been kissed or had sex. Guys have tried but seems that the ones who try are ...
A. 22 June 2012: I used to be your weight and I’m a whopping 5’2” I had gastric bypass because at 49 I had done it all and tried to lose weight and just could not. I lost it all and I had a great lifestyle going..eating well and exercising and then life happened ... (read in full...)
Am I actually bi-sexual? Or am I only feeling this way because I cant get a girlfriend?
Q. I have been really confused lately. I'm 19 years old, I'm a virgin, never even kissed a girl. This is because every single girl I like doesn't see me the same way. I'd understand if it was a few times but it has gone on for years. I don't know what ...
A. 22 June 2012: Bi-curious is normal
straight men watching gay porn is NORMAL
wanting to experiment at your age is normal
in fact, everything you are feeling is NORMAL.
personally I think that our sexual orientation is a lot more fluid for most than we... (read in full...)
Is there any way to salvage this relationship after the text I sent? Is it even worth it?
Q. I met this guy in an online date app. He is frickin gorgeous! We talked for a few days and decided to meet up for lunch. The first few dates went fairly well, and we even kissed a time or two on the second. He seemed very interested. So, all t...
A. 22 June 2012: NOT worth it.. let it go. he already had made it clear he was not feeling it like you were...... (read in full...)
I'm really jealous when my girlfriend goes out with her girl mate!
Q. Hey I don't like to think I'm the jealous type but since i've been with my new girlfriend i've been getting really jealous when she goes out with her girl mate, I wouldn't be bothered if I lived near her and seen her often but I don't get to see h...
A. 22 June 2012: she's not making up excuses... she's with her friend let her have her fun and she'll get back to you when she's done with her friend...
what is it about her going out with her friend that's the problem... because clearly you are upset about th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is controlling! Help!
Q. my boyfriend is controlling! hi me and my boyfriend has been together for about 4months and so far so good/bad. he gives me a cut off time to talk to my guy friends. only at 6pm. he tells me when i may do anything. but when it comes to sex oh hes ...
A. 22 June 2012: I agree with cindy. You stay because deep down inside you believe you don’t deserve better treatment.
BTW diet pills do not work… you will regain the weight as soon as you stop taking them if you don’t learn proper eating habits and get into an ... (read in full...)
The ugly guys get the girls!
Q. What's the deal with gorgeous girls dating ugly guys? I'm a 20 year old male and VERY good looking. I'm not big headed about it, just stating what is an objective fact. I can say this and still claim to not be big headed, as I don't feel proud...
A. 22 June 2012: Thank you for calling me gorgeous. My fiancé is short and snaggle toothed. He wears a military fade hair cut.. (he’s not military) he wears glasses.. when we started dating he was too skinny now he’s pot bellied and getting worse… LOOKS are NOT ... (read in full...)
My husband always brings his daughter into our conversations, what should I do?
Q. I love my husband and my step-daughter. The problem I'm having is that when me and my husband get into adult conversations, he always feels the need to bring his daughter into the conversation to get her opinion, mainly when he is trying to prove ...
A. 22 June 2012: He's not treating you as a spouse he's treating you in a parental manner and bringing his teenaged daughter into the conversations is putting you in the same place in his mind as she is... A CHILD.
He's erroneously implying that the age gap is t... (read in full...)
It seems like he handles disagreements by breaking up?
Q. Hi I have been seeing a guy for nearly four months now. A month ago - we had a minor and I mean minor disagreement and he dumped me on the steps outside the restaurant where we had just made plans to meet seem of my friends the following weekend ...
A. 22 June 2012: Clearly you are without him... he broke up with you and you managed to get the two of you back together...
I'm sure that the fact that you waited long enough for him to get a bit lonely and horny didn't hurt.
I have to admit at first read th... (read in full...)
I'm really jealous when my girlfriend goes out with her girl mate!
Q. Hey I don't like to think I'm the jealous type but since i've been with my new girlfriend i've been getting really jealous when she goes out with her girl mate, I wouldn't be bothered if I lived near her and seen her often but I don't get to see h...
A. 22 June 2012: telling someone how you feel is not controlling. she can make her own choice what to do.
"honey, i want you to know that when I send you a text and you don't answer for a few hours I feel hurt and neglected"
and she replies:
"I'm... (read in full...)
How do I tell the man I love the awful truth about my past?
Q. When I was 12, I found out that I was the unfortunate result of my mother's adultery. My "dad" was disappointed and extremely disturbed by it. Growing up I had always felt different and I was never given the love I felt my 2 half sisters were and it ...
A. 22 June 2012: Dear OP,
Please listen to all of us old wise aunties... and seek professional help to work through the trauma you have been through.
You sound very strong and brave and you are lovable. Do not doubt yourself.
Find a good therapist that sp... (read in full...)
New boyfriend admitted he can't get an erection because of my weight and I'm devastated....Help!?
Q. I have an incredible new boyfriend I really like, but he has trouble getting and keeping an erection, and the reason is.....my weight. We are incredibly drawn to each other on so many levels- intellectually, emotionally, etc. He says he finds my ...
A. 22 June 2012: I'm a day late and a dollar short... YouWish got it all! and FA and Tisha are right too...
Congrats on the weight loss and lifestyle change... ... (read in full...)
How do I play the game? And how do I make this online relationship work?
Q. Okay, well me and boyfriend have been online dating for almost six months now. I truly love him and he loves me, or so he says. We know each others faults- for example, my pessimism- and we look past that. We are good. But then some days he giv...
A. 21 June 2012: Actually 16 is a bit different there is a lot of growth being done at your age… he’s 18 and that’s also a bit different even…
You like him
He likes you that’s GREAT… you like each other and that’s awesome… BUT again honey you met ONLINE a... (read in full...)
How do I play the game? And how do I make this online relationship work?
Q. Okay, well me and boyfriend have been online dating for almost six months now. I truly love him and he loves me, or so he says. We know each others faults- for example, my pessimism- and we look past that. We are good. But then some days he giv...
A. 21 June 2012: You can’t and should not force this. You can’t “make it work like it should”. There is no should or should not in relationships… the rules will vary for each relationship.
You are young… 15 at the most if the age is right… LOOKING PAST faults is n... (read in full...)
He is not looking for a relationship - should I go out with him anyway and hope it turns into something more? Could we end up as a happy couple?
Q. hi cupids I have this dilema and would like some advice were possible. I have over the past year had a crush on my bus driver ( I know pretty out there ) lol and one day I became a bit brave after a few dutch courage drinks and wrote my phone n...
A. 21 June 2012: he won't change his mind even if you sleep with him.
he was up front and told you the truth that he's not looking for a relationship. do not expect to be able to change his mind.... (read in full...)
I have a little crush on my friend, but could never date him because he is overweight! How do I talk to him about his weight so he can be the perfect guy for me?
Q. Hi guys. I would really love some thoughts and opinions on my situation. First off i am 25 years old and after some horrible relationships iv finally found peace in being single and living life. I have joined volunteer work to void some of my ...
A. 21 June 2012: You really can't do much about it...
if he's not going to make the changes for him when he's ready on his own then it's not a real change.
you can model what you think it good behavior.
invite him for healthy meals
ask him to take walks... (read in full...)
I'm really jealous when my girlfriend goes out with her girl mate!
Q. Hey I don't like to think I'm the jealous type but since i've been with my new girlfriend i've been getting really jealous when she goes out with her girl mate, I wouldn't be bothered if I lived near her and seen her often but I don't get to see h...
A. 21 June 2012: have you told her that it bothers you when you don't hear back from her for hours?
Personally I think folks demand and expect too much attention to texts... we no longer wait for things.
If I am busy and my phone is in my purse and I don't he... (read in full...)
Sex for the first time, but worried what my boyfriend will think of me naked!
Q. Hi everyone :) Me and my boyfriend are going to have sex for the first time this weekend, and im completely ready in every way except that im really insecure about my body. Im a bit chubby and im worried he'll be totally repulsed my me and not want ...
A. 21 June 2012: Honey when you take off your shirt and bra his brain will go dead and he will go "BOOBIES....."
but much like EWO said... if you are that worried are YOU Sure you are READY for this???
... (read in full...)
Why did he lie to me about wanting to get married?
Q. I'm a 30 year old female and I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I am devastated because I genuinely thought that we would be married. He said that we had a long future together, that we would never break up. When I asked him what was going on ...
A. 21 June 2012: I can't be better than what the first poster at the bottom (anonymous female) said.
Perhaps he thought he could get past his lack of feelings so he said what he said thinking it would be ok and work out....
but the truth is you need to move... (read in full...)
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