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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My parents have banned me from sleeping with my boyfriend!
Q. hi, im 17 and have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, my parents found out we was sleeping in the same bed and have now banned me from staying there, i wanted to know if they are aloud to do that?...
A. 19 June 2012: The fact that you even ask this tells me that they did the right thing.
You have a poor grasp of grammar spelling and proper word usage. You have no concept of the laws of parenting and responsibility. These things alone concern me in your que... (read in full...)
How do I approach this guy to keep it strictly FWB?
Q. Ok so...I recently started a "friends with benefits" relationship with a suuuuuper sexy guy. Atleast I think we are friends with benefits. When we first met we both agreed that no one was interested in a relationship and we would just be friends. ...
A. 19 June 2012: Call him about 10 pm one night say "whatcha doing? want some company?" see what he says.
and then when you go over you can discuss with him that you like him enough to sleep with him but you don't want the complications of a relationship... (read in full...)
I might get dirty on the phone but I am not ready for sex!
Q. My boyfreind has been away for some time now,we do comunicate ,chat and get naughty on the phone(dirty).I am a virgin and he has made it clear that when he comes back his going to f*** me,now mi feel am not ready for sex,hw do i make undertand ...
A. 19 June 2012: you must tell him you are not ready
and you must STOP teasing him on the phone...
if you can't walk the walk don't talk the talk.... (read in full...)
Does a cyber relationship has a possibility to become true in the real world?
Q. I am currently in an online relationship with a US Army in the middle east who is married. I don't really want to get myself into this kind of relationship that makes me the third party, and on the internet for that matter, but i just can't help ...
A. 19 June 2012: I too would be very careful about this and tread lightly.
My ex-husband told plenty of women he was separated from me and what a miserable marriage we had... we were not separated... not only were we sleeping in the same bed we were still sexually... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is pregnant, and her parents refuse to let us see each other! Can they do this?
Q. I could really use some advice on my current situation with my girl friend. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and half and we get along great. Her parents liked me for the most part. Her dad and I had a few issues with her being a ...
A. 19 June 2012: You are lucky you are not in Jail
at 19 with a 16 year old you could have been put in jail down here...
Her parents are over the top shutting the barn door after the horse got out but until she is 18 they have every right to do as they please... (read in full...)
Is he just insecure, or is there a side to him I don't know?
Q. HI all, this is my first time posting on a relationship site, so please bear with me if I am too unclear or longwinded. I have been dating someone for 2.5 years now, and for the most part, he is amazing and treats me really well. He is 3 years yo...
A. 19 June 2012: Oy...
he's not a baby.. he's at least 27 if you are 30...
stop blaming his age and giving him the "immaturity" out.
that won't fly for me...
sounds like he really loves you and cares about you but that he can't be alone and when he thoug... (read in full...)
Does he actually want to see me again?
Q. Hi, im nearly 17 and single. The other night i went to a festival with my friend and we met her boyfriend there and one of his friends he had brought along. After about an hour of being with them, his friend told him that he liked me. Later on we ...
A. 19 June 2012: I think he was just interested in seeing how far he could get with you sexually....... (read in full...)
Should I just forget about this guy, and move on?
Q. I have been with this guy for 7 years, i bought a house for us to live in which went great for the first 3 years, then his parents bought him a house which he eventually moved into his kids never speak to me , he spends all holidays with his family ...
A. 19 June 2012: I think you should end it with him.
clearly you are being kept on the back burner
clearly you are not the most important thing in his life and you are being disrespected...
7 years is a good chunk of life but the last 4 have not been good f... (read in full...)
With a mobile is there a chance that your number may be set to private without you realising?
Q. I don't know whether people would know the answer to this one or not, but with a mobile is there a chance that your number may be set to private without you realising? Because this number has called me a few times and i reckon it's the guy who i ...
A. 19 June 2012: I don't think you wouldn't know... but I'm not sure.
if the private number calls and you don't answer and does not leave a message then the private number is not worth your attention.... (read in full...)
Should we break up?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 5 months, and we are in a committed relationship. I have always believed in him and trusted him, But, my trust in him is disintegrating. He asked me a question through text, whether I have thought about bre...
A. 19 June 2012: First thing I have to say is DO NOT have serious conversations via TEXT messages. When he sent you a text about breaking up the response should have been “we should talk about this in person”
You should react to these questions the way you ... (read in full...)
Is this considered cheating? Help!
Q. Hi, Need help. Is this considered cheating? My fiance and I are 3 months away from the BIG day. I'm 29 and he's 38. Never married and no kids. We're having a coed bechalor/bechalorette party in Las Vegas. We're best friends so we figured i...
A. 19 June 2012: “the whole situation will be out of his control” what a crock of shit. HIS behavior is totally within his control the word NO is a very effective method of not doing what you do not want to do.
He can refuse to walk into the private room wha... (read in full...)
Is settling for someone who is lovely but is not "the one" ever right?
Q. hi there, the kind of man who would be perfect for me simply does not exist, for a lot of reasons. im sure of this. however i am currently with a man who loves me dearly and is wonderful. i just wonder if settling for someone who is lovely bu...
A. 19 June 2012: I don't believe in "The ONE" I'm about to marry my FOURTH the ONE... hopefully this time I get it right...
a man who loves you dearly and is wonderful may very well be YOUR ONE...
you say there is no perfect man for you.
I doubt ther... (read in full...)
He says he wants me but why is he with a girl 11 years younger than him?
Q. I have had an ongoing relationship for a year we broke up because he said it wasn't going to work heartbroken i let him go only for four months to pass and he was calling me again saying he missed me so we started to see each other again i was so ...
A. 18 June 2012: Well let’s start with the math shall we… half of 33 is 16.5 22 is well past half of 33.
Clearly you love him and he does not feel that way about you.
NO one here knows if it will last but it’s clear that he’s not as into you as you are i... (read in full...)
I make excuses even to myself about my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, I'm new here and don't really know how this works but I really wish to talk to somebody about a problem I have, I'm so sad about it and I hope that someone on here can help me! :) I am seeing this guy, he's 33 and I'm 21. He said that he as ...
A. 18 June 2012: Six months of dating and he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now… ok then…
Then the truth is that he wants you to be working and supporting yourself and contributing to the relationship financially and that’s fair and all well and good since he... (read in full...)
He says he's 'done it all before' but I want to spice up our sex life!
Q. im in my 20s with a boyfriend of a few years and i am looking for ideas to spice up our sex life. We get on brilliantly and sex is great but sometimes just so regimented and in the dark. It makes me feel a bit like a robot just doing it for the...
A. 18 June 2012: well to be honest you can't.
if he has BTDT then he knows what he likes and what he doesn't like.
if he likes it at night in the dark and only one way that may be what he likes and how he is and you guys may be sexually incompatible.
... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend what I really think about her wedding dress?
Q. A good friend of mine is marrying my cousin...I have known her for 29 years and I am in the wedding party which is taking place in Cuba. I recently just returned from a destination wedding myself so I have a good idea as to what works and what d...
A. 18 June 2012: you told her you didn't think it was a good choice and why
that's all you can do.
the day of the wedding have lots of cool moist clothes in your bag to wipe her brown and resist saying "told you so"... (read in full...)
Have you ever squirted or made anyone squirt?
Q. Hi, I was just wondering if any of you out there have, 'squirted' during sex, or made anyone squirt? ive never had an orgasam, with anyone ive ever been with. I do enjoy sex and do have a good sexlife with my boyfriend, but ive dont know anyone who ...
A. 18 June 2012: I am 52. I did once last year.
I have orgasms nearly every day but I only squirted once and guess what.. it was not as satisfying as folks seem to think... in fact, I don't even consider it was an orgasm...
... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin and do not want sex
Q. I am a 40 year old Virgin. And I do not understand how the rest of the human race can be so relaxed about something like sex! When the so called facts come out on T.V show '' most males lose it aged 16 '' 16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remmber being 16...
A. 18 June 2012: John,
You need professional help. You are taking everything we say and twisting it to meet your needs. Your views are fine for you. I don’t care about your virginity or your religion or non-religion and that has NOTHING to do with it either. ... (read in full...)
My crush thinks he's too old for me. What do I do?
Q. I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?...
A. 18 June 2012: Sweetie,
The mere FACT that you were willing to go to a BEDROOM with him is the issue. NOT that you JUST made out…
As for WHY do guys do that? Girls do to… sleezy behavior and judgments are not just for men…. I’ve had sex on the first date w... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend what I really think about her wedding dress?
Q. A good friend of mine is marrying my cousin...I have known her for 29 years and I am in the wedding party which is taking place in Cuba. I recently just returned from a destination wedding myself so I have a good idea as to what works and what d...
A. 18 June 2012: how do you know about this dress if you were not with her when she choose it.. have you seen her in the dress?
if so why didn't you say something then?
and do you know the rest of the wedding party was no honest?
... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin and do not want sex
Q. I am a 40 year old Virgin. And I do not understand how the rest of the human race can be so relaxed about something like sex! When the so called facts come out on T.V show '' most males lose it aged 16 '' 16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remmber being 16...
A. 18 June 2012: John,
You are strongly trying to justify your belief.
“Be a virgin it’s cool”…. Watch the human race die out. There are religions that demand celibacy for its’ members not just it’s clergy. The Shakers being one. So they don’t’ have... (read in full...)
I've scared myself to death about this upcoming surgery!
Q. Hi all agony aunts, this isn't a relationship question, but I really need help. I'm really stressed out. :( I'm moving 6 hours away to college this upcoming Saturday. Yesterday, I went to the eye doctor to get some new contacts, and find out I h...
A. 18 June 2012: you could go blind. that's your choice.
if you are not the first or tenth time the doc has done this then the doctor is experienced and I'm sure you will be fine..
tell the doctor you are very nervous and ask if you can have a sedative to h... (read in full...)
My crush thinks he's too old for me. What do I do?
Q. I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?...
A. 18 June 2012: OP it may very well be an excuse as he got you home and in his bed on the first date… NOT cool and now he has to back pedal and come up with a reason why he does not want to be serious with a girl who is willing to go to a man’s bedroom on the ... (read in full...)
What can I do to cope with news that my daughter's in a Lesbian relationship?
Q. I have fear! Very fear! My daughter is a very smart and tough person. At the age of 19 she is already a bachelor degree. Please dont get shock you can do it really in my country if you dont take any break in the school and always take advance during ...
A. 18 June 2012: IF you want your daughter to have a wonderful happy healthy life and not resent you then you need to accept her for who she is and what she believes and feels.
If she is a lesbian then that's how God made her.
My son is 26... he loved a gir... (read in full...)
Should I make him happy and leave?
Q. hello again, need help. my hubby is to friendly w/girls on facebook he has them sending him pics and flirting plus hes friends w/ ALL his ex`s. he tells me that me and the kids are 1 of the reasons why he wants to start drinking. i ask him fif he ...
A. 18 June 2012: You need to do what you want to do.
If he's drinking and disrespecting you that's HIS CHOICE and it's NOT YOUR FAULT but is he the kind of man you want raising your children with you?
the fact that he blames his bad behavior on you shows that h... (read in full...)
I'm falling in love with someone who has hepatitis C. He's afraid to move forward with the relationship, but I'm not. What do I do?
Q. Hello.. i've recently met a guy who i really really like. We've been on a few dates in a very short time and we talked a lot. I even got (maybe stupid) the feeling that he's "the one", which is kind a big deal for me, because i'm very very picky ...
A. 17 June 2012: My brother has Hep C and has for years. His husband is Hep C negative. My brother did NOT catch it from any sexual act. He borrowed a razor from a friend at work and used it...
His husband has HIV and has for years. My brother is NOT HIV p... (read in full...)
My crush thinks he's too old for me. What do I do?
Q. I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?...
A. 17 June 2012: I'm sorry he feels that way.
Age gaps can work. I know. My fiance is 13 years younger than I am. Of course we did not meet till he was 37....
I would not tell your crush about your friend but I would ask him why he feels that the age g... (read in full...)
I'm a 40 year old virgin and do not want sex
Q. I am a 40 year old Virgin. And I do not understand how the rest of the human race can be so relaxed about something like sex! When the so called facts come out on T.V show '' most males lose it aged 16 '' 16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remmber being 16...
A. 17 June 2012: John,
I know you are not a troll but you have a feeling that there is more going on here than just a lack of self-esteem.
I am not sure if your skewed views of women and sex are learned behaviors or if your belief stems from an organic issue... (read in full...)
I am not a talker but my LDR boyfriend keeps me on the phone
Q. I met my boyfriend online and it has been 7 months. He lives an hour away in a house in the rural with an 87 year old dad. He commutes 1 hour each way to work in the city. I live in the city. He visits me once a week but sometimes once in two weeks ...
A. 17 June 2012: I have heard that men need distance to fall in love and women need to be together...
If you need to see someone daily then you are not cut out for an LDR.... unless you two come up with a plan to end the distance... and a time...
we had ... (read in full...)
Fallen in love with a fwb, now what?
Q. Hi everyone I know this is a common question but I really need help I have fallen completely in love with my fwb who said he didn't want a relationship which I thought I would be fine with he has just moved and I am absolutaly gutted have any of you ...
A. 16 June 2012: I'm in the "take the risk and tell him" camp.
if you can't tell him then you should probably leave the relationship. you will only hurt yourself.
I think if you do tell him however you do need to be prepared for him to NOT feel the same wa... (read in full...)
I've told white lies and now my wife doesn't trust me
Q. My wife does not trust me and I do tell white lies sometimes , I have never cheated on her I tell her that I love her and she just says o thanks!! I used to watch some porn and now just get emails for freinds with some pictures of woman, She found ...
A. 16 June 2012: You must stop lying about anything at all...
and you must talk to her about all of this come clean beg for a fresh start then earn her trust back.
it will take a long time... if ever... ... (read in full...)
Why are straights more curious about whose gay than the gays?
Q. All "straight" and "gay" answers are appreciated. Why is it that my coworkers (females) are constantly asking me about my personal life? They're always curious to know whether the person I'm dating is male or female. In my head I'm like who the fuk ...
A. 16 June 2012: I think your coworkers are just trying to get to know you... we talk about our lives at work.. I work with gays and straights.. and we are of all ages and races as well...
Perhaps for me personally it's different... I'm bisexual. My aunt is ... (read in full...)
My BF says he doesn't need to wear a condom because he smokes.... is this true?
Q. My boyfriend smokes so should he wear a condom when we start to have sex because I've heard it's more difficult for a girl to get pregnant from a boy who smokes cigarettes?...
A. 16 June 2012: wrong. daddy and mommy smoked when mommy got pregnant with both her kids...
My concern is this:
1. he knows he's lying to you about this so you would let him go bareback.
THIS means he is a LIAR. so you are with a boy who will LIE ... (read in full...)
My bf cheated on me, please help, I feel sick, nauseous and ill!
Q. Dear all, I guess I just want to share this with you and get your views. I checked my BF's of over a year and a halfs emails a couple of nights ago and he had emailed a girl saying hi babes, and then went on to say that she must remember him as he ...
A. 16 June 2012: what's hurting you is the betrayal.
what's hurting you is the fact that you DID NOT SEE IT.
he betrayed you and destroyed trust and now you will NEVER trust again like you did... not anyone...
the anger you have is normal
your feelings are... (read in full...)
I used my mom's phone and discovered she's getting way too friendly with a man. Do I confront her? Tell my dad?
Q. I need help! I'm 28 years old, and recently I went to my parent's house over the weekend and i discovered something that has my blood boiling right now. My parents are fairly older with my mom being in her mid 50's and my dad in his late 60's. ...
A. 16 June 2012: I know that even at 28 it sucks to think of your parents splitting up... I know when I was 24 and pregnant my dad had his one and only affair... and he left my mom... I cried. I was 24 I was married. I was pregnant I was INDEPENDENT... still their ... (read in full...)
Why is this younger guy hitting on me? I just want to be friends
Q. I m in my 40 s with really young men hitting on me ALL THE TIME, Yes, I m pretty, in good shape, look younger, but aren't they afraid that if I say yes, they will have to see my naked not very young body and do things to it? I had children, breas...
A. 16 June 2012: I'm 52 my fiance is 39. when we first met I was 2 years past gastric bypass and 6 months prior to plastic surgery.
My boobs that had breastfed two babies from 1984-1989 (without stopping) laid on the bed themselves when I laid on my back... ... (read in full...)
I'm 14, pregnant, my B/f has left me, my parents are druggies and I live in a foster home. What do I do now?
Q. Hi I'm fourteen. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant for a while now! i finally got pregnant. But now my boyfriend (hes 16)left me. I really don't know what to do now. we were going to move in together and start a life. How should i ...
A. 15 June 2012: Good for you OP.. be brave and strong...
and best of luck to you and your baby no matter what you decide to do.
Be aware as a birth mother that gives up her child for adoption you will give your child a life in a home with two parents tha... (read in full...)
I am not a talker but my LDR boyfriend keeps me on the phone
Q. I met my boyfriend online and it has been 7 months. He lives an hour away in a house in the rural with an 87 year old dad. He commutes 1 hour each way to work in the city. I live in the city. He visits me once a week but sometimes once in two weeks ...
A. 15 June 2012: It’s bothering you and you have every right to figure out how to fix it… so let’s see…
I don’t want you to be phony.. that is NOT at all what I’m saying… IF you say “I need to go to sleep and he ignores you, that’s not good”… have you tried th... (read in full...)
I am not a talker but my LDR boyfriend keeps me on the phone
Q. I met my boyfriend online and it has been 7 months. He lives an hour away in a house in the rural with an 87 year old dad. He commutes 1 hour each way to work in the city. I live in the city. He visits me once a week but sometimes once in two weeks ...
A. 15 June 2012: You actually say one thing and then say a totally different thing in your post…
You are not children… you are adults and at 7 months asking him where we stand got you the “I don’t know” it’s too soon statement. That to me would not be a concer... (read in full...)
Is it natural to love pain during sex?
Q. Is it natural for me to love feeling pain during sex?...
A. 15 June 2012: IF you like it and your partner is ok with it, then it works for you.
some folks like pain..
I don't mind being roughly handled during sex so it's a mild type of discomfort for me but actual pain... no i don't like it but a close friend of mi... (read in full...)
'X' in a text message, is it just for people close to you or for anyone and everyone?
Q. Ok, so this may sound strange to some but agreed upon by others - I just want to know weather I'm being unnecessarily stupid and to get others views. I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year and we moved in with each other two weeks ...
A. 15 June 2012: for this old lady a text is a way to get information to someone... "i'm on my way" or "be there in an hour" or something like that..
I've never sent a kiss or a hug via text not even to my partner and don't get it in general.
... (read in full...)
My bf cheated on me, please help, I feel sick, nauseous and ill!
Q. Dear all, I guess I just want to share this with you and get your views. I checked my BF's of over a year and a halfs emails a couple of nights ago and he had emailed a girl saying hi babes, and then went on to say that she must remember him as he ...
A. 15 June 2012: Are you sure you are jealous? Jealousy is an emotion rooted and based in insecurity. Being strong and proactive and ending the relationship does not sound like an insecure woman at all.
you sound strong and positive.
you are probably hurt. a... (read in full...)
I'm 14, pregnant, my B/f has left me, my parents are druggies and I live in a foster home. What do I do now?
Q. Hi I'm fourteen. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant for a while now! i finally got pregnant. But now my boyfriend (hes 16)left me. I really don't know what to do now. we were going to move in together and start a life. How should i ...
A. 13 June 2012: how are you going to afford this baby?
how will you support it?
... (read in full...)
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