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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I'm cheating on my disabled fiance who can never have sex after an accident but I feel so horrible!
Q. Hi, I have been browsing the internet for a solution to my problem but do not seem to be coming up with any. Where do I begin?. Here goes. My Fiance who I have been dating since I was 14 years old, now both in our mid to late 20s was involved...
A. 15 August 2012: Thanks so much for the update! I’m so glad you are moving on and yet able to stay in contact with him. Interesting that his mom didn’t want him at home with her but was more than willing to use you as a care provider… Glad you got out of the ... (read in full...)
Should I text him and explain that I can't meet him for several days?
Q. I met a guy in a bar tonight. We talked for about half an hour but I had to leave. He gave me his phone number and told me to text him so we can meet somewhere and talk over drinks or something. I want to follow up on that. However, I will not be ...
A. 22 July 2012: I would say just go about your day and see if he contacts you and if he does and you are free then see him but don't sit around waiting for him.... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my disabled fiance who can never have sex after an accident but I feel so horrible!
Q. Hi, I have been browsing the internet for a solution to my problem but do not seem to be coming up with any. Where do I begin?. Here goes. My Fiance who I have been dating since I was 14 years old, now both in our mid to late 20s was involved...
A. 20 July 2012: There is nothing I can add to what all the other wise and oh so more eloquent aunts have said. I just want to add my support to theirs and say we are all pulling for you OP
Ask your family to help you figure out how to get him out of your hou... (read in full...)
I'm having to chose between the gym to keep my body or my girlfriend!
Q. Here' s the thing. My girlfriend has been complaining of lately that I don't spend enough time with her. I can totally understand her argument because I simply have too much going on to devote a large majority of my time to her. I work full time, ...
A. 20 July 2012: another thought.... what happens if you end up with a woman who loves you mostly for your body when middle age hits and you are no longer quite as fit as you are now (and it will happen)?
she may leave for something younger and firmer..... (read in full...)
I want a boyfriend.....
Q. Hey, I'm 15, and I want a boyfriend. I don't want any of that "you're too young" sh*t. Just give me nice answers :). Ok, so I'm home-schooled, and I only know 3-4 guys, one's Wayy too young (he's like 10), one likes me but just as a friend (which I...
A. 19 July 2012: it's normal to want a boyfriend at 15
do you go to church? can you meet boys there? at youth group? that's where I met most of my high school boyfriends... at youth group... they even went to different schools....
what about hobbie... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel hormones so strongly at this age?
Q. Well I'm 21 and lately I've been having some kind of delayed hormone surge and I was wondering if this was normal. I guess the feeling is best described as a strong sense of desire? I never felt like this as a teenager, and I have no experience, s...
A. 19 July 2012: desire for what?
a baby?
sex?
companionship?
I'm 52 and was insanely hormonal over the weekend...
... (read in full...)
I have no reason not to trust my husband but I don't!
Q. My husband always say I'm the only beautiful and attractive woman for him.He says he doesn't find any other women beautiful or attractive.In fact I can't believe him because he's a man.But when I asked my cousin,my sister,my nephew and some of my ...
A. 19 July 2012: "i can't believe him because he's a man"
well that's just BS... because he's a man he lies?
because he's a man he's not trustworthy?
what if he said "i can't trust her because she's a woman"?
is that right or fair?
what has HE perso... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can change to get a boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone I'm 17 and have never really had a real boyfriend, boys tell me I'm pretty, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, cute... They've called me everything you can imagine, but I'm still single. I've never been inlove, I just wanna know how it's fe...
A. 19 July 2012: Do not change. Be yourself.
Be patient... the right guy will come along... do not settle.
I know you think at 17 you should experience love... but you have time...
you have a good head on your shoulders and know what you want...
don't rus... (read in full...)
I'm having to chose between the gym to keep my body or my girlfriend!
Q. Here' s the thing. My girlfriend has been complaining of lately that I don't spend enough time with her. I can totally understand her argument because I simply have too much going on to devote a large majority of my time to her. I work full time, ...
A. 19 July 2012: if you are working out 2-3 hours daily you are not letting your body rest...
my take... i would want a guy who is healthy but not overly developed.
I would want a guy who is balance... who can miss a gym day now and again....
I ... (read in full...)
Is it over for us? Is there anything I can do to help the situation?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost 5 1/2 years. I love my bf very much and I know he loves me. Our only big issue is marriage. About a year ago we broke up for about 4months because he wasn't sure if he was ready for marriage and I've been ...
A. 19 July 2012: He will never be 100% committed to you.
if he was he would marry you.
while he likes you and may even love you in his own way... to be honest you are not the woman that rocks his world so totally that he would do what he does not believe in.... (read in full...)
She apologized and said I was 'hard work sometimes. My friend says she's cheating What or who should I believe?
Q. I am very laid back and a mellow guy. My girlfriend of 4 months is generally happy and she is 9 weeks pregnant. We have a good time together and i treat her well. I called her today to wake her up as she had work and i called her when she was on ...
A. 19 July 2012: 4 months is not a long time together… and she’s already over two months pregnant… I’m assuming it’s your baby and that it was not planned… so you guys have a TON of stress going on…
I used to call my fiancé to wake him before we were living toge... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriends sister affecting our relationship? What do I say?
Q. Okay, I'm sorry if this is long.. but I'm really confused. Basically, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. I am totally and completely in love with him, I can't stay mad at him for longer that a minute, but lately.. something has been ...
A. 19 July 2012: I agree.. you are young and she's the one who probably is on the lease and pays most of the bills... and it's her space and he's trying to be considerate...
how a man treats his mom and sister is a good indication of how he will treat a life par... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriends sister affecting our relationship? What do I say?
Q. Okay, I'm sorry if this is long.. but I'm really confused. Basically, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. I am totally and completely in love with him, I can't stay mad at him for longer that a minute, but lately.. something has been ...
A. 19 July 2012: how old are all of you?
... (read in full...)
BF has never taken me out for a romantic dinner.
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3.5 years. I am 26 and he is 31. in this time, we have not been out on a romatic dinner out (getting dressed up etc). He has never taken me out to a fancy dinner. We occasionally go out for a meal, but ...
A. 19 July 2012: have you told him you want to have romantic dinners?
I like to cook and most folks think I'm a good cook but my current partner is picky about what he eats (very little) and thinks I'm a terrible cook.
I would rather eat at the table but he... (read in full...)
Why does my 50 year old boyfriend sleep with his mother?
Q. Is it normal fort a 50 some year old guy to choose to sleep in the same bed with his Mom when there are other beds/sleeping arrangements available? My boyfriend makes a habit of doing this and I find it creepy....
A. 19 July 2012: AGGGHHH CINDY that was MY thought as well...
... (read in full...)
Is he into me or just using me?
Q. I'm seeing this cop and i really like him. i have strong feelings for this cop. he knows that i care about him a lot and he says that he cares and feels the same. we talk to each other every day until he gets off work. is he playing me and just ...
A. 19 July 2012: if he's telling you he's not ready for a relationship LISTEN TO HIM...
he's just passing the work day with you....... (read in full...)
Two questions I'd like help with please...
Q. Question 1: Why would a girl frequently ask for a guy to post photos of himself, on Facebook? Is it like, some sort of hint of secret attraction, or something? Question 2: Why would you rub your thighs around a younger man? (For simplicit...
A. 19 July 2012: If she’s asking for more pictures it’s not a secret.. she’s telling you she wants to see more.
As for thigh rubbing.. it’s summer maybe they have heat rash….
if you are thinking it's a signal for sex, you think wrong. even if it's unc... (read in full...)
Holiday for possible date or romance?
Q. Is travelling perhaps a way of meeting women for possible romance? I haven't been abroad but was looking at cruises or European holidays. I haven't been on a date in my life so would find it difficult to approach someone in the first place, i am not ...
A. 19 July 2012: you should approach anyone who appeals to you... at 41-50 I would not go too young...
as for being ugly.. beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
my short, snaggle toothed, myopic fiance is not all that good looking but to me he's darling....... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my pregnant friend, can someone help me, please?
Q. dear aunts and uncles, im 15 and really scared for my friend who is the same age. a while ago she started acting really weird like she didnt want to see any of her friends and she dumped her boyfriend who she has been with for 2 years for no reason. ...
A. 19 July 2012: AN adult MUST be told...
can you go to your mom???... (read in full...)
At the end of my Rope and Running out of Hope
Q. Not real good at this but I will try . I am 46 and just got a divorce after 30 yrs of Marriage . my ex left me in 2008 and I have been seeing this man who is 50 and retired . I work 5 days a week and then I come home and that is it. he stays with me ...
A. 19 July 2012: with your update... honey it's time for him to go.. he's freeloading off you... (read in full...)
At the end of my Rope and Running out of Hope
Q. Not real good at this but I will try . I am 46 and just got a divorce after 30 yrs of Marriage . my ex left me in 2008 and I have been seeing this man who is 50 and retired . I work 5 days a week and then I come home and that is it. he stays with me ...
A. 19 July 2012: and he brings what to your relationship?
right now my guy is unemployed and his sleep schedule is all screwed up.. he is up most nights all night on the computer but he leaves me alone to sleep....
while he has some chores at home... the basi... (read in full...)
Can you go from friends with benefits back to being friends again?
Q. Can you go from friends with benefits back to being friends again? We have known each other years, from school, but only spoke on line since. Then ended up sleeping together a couple of times recently. But then I said no more, as I am not oppose o...
A. 19 July 2012: if you are both ok with it and on the same page I don't see why not...
to be honest if the sex has only been a few times i think it will be easier than if you had an ongoing FWB thing going...
... (read in full...)
My LDR ex and I are reconnecting. He wants me to visit, should I ask him to buy the ticket?
Q. Long story short. My long distance ex who is four years older than me has decided to pursue his masters degree at my university. He emailed me with the news and we began chatting via smartphone texting app. He made many hints that he still has ...
A. 19 July 2012: If he wants you to visit he should send the plane ticket. But you can’t ask him to buy the ticket. IF he suggests a visit in November what you say to him is “I’d love to but I can’t afford the ticket.. if you want me to come send me a ticket”
... (read in full...)
Should I text him and explain that I can't meet him for several days?
Q. I met a guy in a bar tonight. We talked for about half an hour but I had to leave. He gave me his phone number and told me to text him so we can meet somewhere and talk over drinks or something. I want to follow up on that. However, I will not be ...
A. 19 July 2012: yep just send him a text saying... hey can we meet on xx/xx for coffee... and use the next date you are available... advance planning and all...... (read in full...)
BF says causal comments that HURT, please share your thoughts on these things he's said to me!
Q. i am dating a very young guy..25..im much older but we have had a really cool connection, trust, closeness, amazing physical relationship. not for a long time, but for this summer. as i have began to fall for him, i have found myself repeatedly ...
A. 19 July 2012: ADD girl here... yep I get him totally...
there is a GREAT book out called "what does everybody else know that I don't?" http://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343
it clearly explains why us ADDers have such lousy ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to look "girly" during sex
Q. okay here goes! I want my boyfriend to wear black eyeliner (around the entire eye) and have sex with me. just once. maybe very occasionally since it's very weird but it's a fantasy i want fufilled! i don't know how he's going to feel about this, ...
A. 19 July 2012: best thing to do is ask him if he would play it just this once... and see how it goes.. he may get turned on looking girly for you...
you don't know till you ask...... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend so distant?
Q. hi everyone im in a ldr situation. and ny boyfriend is cold to me like hes always grumpy at me. and bot mood to talk, i dont know whats going on to him, whats bothering him. theres one time i ask him if he is ok? and he said hes fine! but hes bery ...
A. 19 July 2012: He's telling you just enough to string you along and keep you on the hook...
he's not that into you..
when he says your relationship needs to level up and you say "OK what do you propose to make that happen?" what happens?
if y... (read in full...)
I'm into a guy who isn't into me and it's getting me really down. Please help!
Q. I feel so sad. I am into a guy who isn't into me and it is making me feel so so down. I know it is a waste to even care and at my old age of 38, you think I would know better. I met him a month and a half a go at a music festival he is 3...
A. 18 July 2012: 38 is NOT old. Stop feeling old because he was 32. Please I’m 52 and my fiancé is 39… OLD is a state of mind only…
Secondly, I know you like him and sadly most men I find start out like gangbusters and then when reality settles in and they... (read in full...)
He wants oral from me, but wont return the favor. Is it because of my body?
Q. hi, i am having alot of confussions about my relationship. sence i met my boyfriend he was always the quite one and shy in the group but smart about anything , and he loves things that i love , such as racing, mechanicing, etc.. i have been with my ...
A. 18 July 2012: it's not about you being ugly or dirty...
my man loves me
he wants me
he just will not cannot go down on me.. he can't deal with the taste or the smell as he's very very VERY sensitive to these things... it's NOT a reflection on me... it's hi... (read in full...)
Is this behavior OK?
Q. Is is ok for my boyfriend to sit on his porch and have beers with his female neighbor without me, possibly go inside if the weather is too hot and have drinks with her in there?...
A. 18 July 2012:
my fiance sits around with the neighbors smoking on the porch... if it's too hot they will go inside...
why would you be concerned....... (read in full...)
It's totally out of character for him. So how can I discover what went wrong? Before it was great.
Q. I was in a long distance relatioship with a guy who was really good to me and my family. He would travel to see me just about every weekend. We were content together, he enjoyed my grandchildren and my adult children got along with him very wel...
A. 18 July 2012: It sounds to me like maybe he met someone locally…. Sadly that often happens with LDRS that are not working towards ending the LDR…
Do you still see him on the weekends???
have you asked him what's changed?... (read in full...)
How have I changed so much since I went to college?
Q. How is it even possible that I went to university, hating children, relationships and animals (especially dogs). Now after being there one year I am completely opposite to that! I'm looking to buy myself a little puppy, volunteer with children and ...
A. 18 July 2012: It's called growing up..... maturing...
what we want at 20 is not what we want at 25
what we want at 25 is often not what we want at 30....
... (read in full...)
I didn't sign on for benefits but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do or not!
Q. I got married in April to the most wonderful man in the world, I was 41 and he was 47. It's both our first marriage and we couldn't be happier. My contract for my job is temporary and I will not until Sept if it will be renewed. Therefore, I...
A. 18 July 2012: It’s lousy how people think because you need UIB that you don’t want to work or don’t know how to find a job… take it with a grain of salt that they have to treat everyone the same and it’s NOT PERSONAL! Just know that there are folks out there ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my disabled fiance who can never have sex after an accident but I feel so horrible!
Q. Hi, I have been browsing the internet for a solution to my problem but do not seem to be coming up with any. Where do I begin?. Here goes. My Fiance who I have been dating since I was 14 years old, now both in our mid to late 20s was involved...
A. 18 July 2012: If you talk to his mother she is going to lay such a massive guilt trip on you it will strip you of any strength you have gained here… WHY is this man not living with his family?
WHY are you the primary caregiver for a man you are not related to? ... (read in full...)
Does this woman want to make love with me?
Q. hello friends,Does this woman wants to make love with me?I am 42 years old,my brother's wife, 52-year-old.touched the woman's breast from behind twice in elbow.In the second gave me to touch my elbow stroked her breasts.she did not give me any ...
A. 18 July 2012: She's your brother's wife... have you asked HIM what he wants?
You should think of her as family and leave her alone...... (read in full...)
I didn't sign on for benefits but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do or not!
Q. I got married in April to the most wonderful man in the world, I was 41 and he was 47. It's both our first marriage and we couldn't be happier. My contract for my job is temporary and I will not until Sept if it will be renewed. Therefore, I...
A. 18 July 2012: Honey I would apply for the benefits if you are eligible. My fiance is getting them right now and without them it would be very tight... he's job hunting but not much right now...
What about it is depressing? It's an INSURANCE based program ... (read in full...)
I don't want kids and I am worried about being perpetually single because my view limits my options
Q. Been single now for over three years and have been getting more convinced that I am going to be single for a very long time and finding it hard to shake that feeling. I have a fairly good life compared to many people - own flat, own car, interes...
A. 18 July 2012: Not all women want children.
and not all older women have low sex drives.
MOST of my couple friends do not have children. one by happenstance and two by choice, the wives just did not want kids and the husbands were OK with it....
as for me, ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my disabled fiance who can never have sex after an accident but I feel so horrible!
Q. Hi, I have been browsing the internet for a solution to my problem but do not seem to be coming up with any. Where do I begin?. Here goes. My Fiance who I have been dating since I was 14 years old, now both in our mid to late 20s was involved...
A. 18 July 2012: Op, your update says a lot…
He’s really very very disabled both physically and with a brain injury… You were NOT engaged but his MOTHER wanted it so that SHE would have HELP caring for this very disabled man.
I personally do not think tha... (read in full...)
Do any of you write to your exes after the dust settles?
Q. I could use some guidance on something that has been bothering me for weeks. I divorced about a year and a half ago and recently remarried (to someone new). I am so in love and truly on a better path in life. My former marriage was long however...
A. 18 July 2012:
OP,
I just got off the phone with my ex husband… we are friendly… in fact, next week when my fiancé and I go on vacation, my ex and his new wife will be there… we will see them on and off for a whole week…(it’s a large convention we all attend)…... (read in full...)
What is it about these actions I do during sex that turns him on?
Q. Hey everyone i have a question for the Guys; When my husband and i have sex it seems like he likes it more when im giving him a hand job my knee to be pushed on his balls and during sex he comes fast when i suck on his finger. Can you please l...
A. 17 July 2012: the knee pushing on his perineum (the spot under his balls between his scrotum and anus) stimulates his prostate... it's an external prostate massage... it feels good... that's why straight men sometimes like anal play...
as for sucking on h... (read in full...)
Why does my 50 year old boyfriend sleep with his mother?
Q. Is it normal fort a 50 some year old guy to choose to sleep in the same bed with his Mom when there are other beds/sleeping arrangements available? My boyfriend makes a habit of doing this and I find it creepy....
A. 17 July 2012: I find it creepy too...
... (read in full...)
How do you stay friends after breaking up? Is it possible?
Q. i was with my boyfriend for 1year and 9 months, yesterday he broke up with me, we agreed to stay friends, i havent seen him since but i think that it is doable, but others say staying friends is impossible, what can i do to make it easier to stay ...
A. 17 July 2012: I don't recommend it.
friendly yes
civil yes
but FRIENDS... nope... not easy to do... ... (read in full...)
I've been dating my friend for the past year but he doesn't want any of our mutual friends nor his family to know about it
Q. Dear Cupid I am been dating my friend for past 1 year, but he doesn't want any of our mutual friends to know. He hasn't introduced me to his friends or his family. Recently he asked me not to send any text messages, i usually don't send much ...
A. 17 July 2012: I concur with Jinxx and Honeypie.
but I'm voting that he's seeing someone else and that's why he does not want you texting him...
I would force his hand to be honest. It will at least make ending it concrete...
tell him he has till xx/... (read in full...)
Do any of you write to your exes after the dust settles?
Q. I could use some guidance on something that has been bothering me for weeks. I divorced about a year and a half ago and recently remarried (to someone new). I am so in love and truly on a better path in life. My former marriage was long however...
A. 16 July 2012: I just posted Happy Birthday to my ex-husband’s wife this morning..
and back in February I told my ex husband happy birthday... but that's it...
personally I think she’s an ex and you should let it be.
You can wish her a happy birthda... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend so distant?
Q. hi everyone im in a ldr situation. and ny boyfriend is cold to me like hes always grumpy at me. and bot mood to talk, i dont know whats going on to him, whats bothering him. theres one time i ask him if he is ok? and he said hes fine! but hes bery ...
A. 12 July 2012: Ok it’s an LDR… how often do you see each other?
It’s also an age gap as you are 22 and he is 34… that’s a big difference (although 34 and 46 is not as big….. it’s about the place you are in life that is the issue)
He says he is confused abou... (read in full...)
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