Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
How should I deal with online friend who proposed to me recently, but was uncomplimentary about my face? Should we break-up?
Q. My friend proposed me last week on friendship day. I'm 16 and he is 18. I accepted his proposal and we started dating. We know each other from 2-3 months. We had never met or talked before. I never showed him my pic before. I'm suffering from marf...
A. 13 August 2012: I think blocking him is the best idea... you can heal more quickly if he's not around poking "the wound"
... (read in full...)
He is 32 and I am 22. He flirts with me, a lot. Am I being played or is he trying to see what happens first?
Q. I have become attracted to someone and I know at least the physical aspect is mutual but I'm not sure of his intentions. He had a bad experience with another woman a few months ago and I just broke up with my boyfriend recently. I know neither one...
A. 13 August 2012: he told you that he is straight forward with girls when he likes them... he's not telling you that to see if you like him... sounds like he's setting boundaries.
I'd treat it as just a friendship.
do you work together? I'd be very very VERY c... (read in full...)
I hate that sex is always on my mind. How can I contain my interest in sex? Because I want to marry as a Virgin.
Q. I'm a type that hate sex and thinking about sex. Sex is always in my mind and i can't stop these thoughts when I start thinking of sex. Please what will i do to control my urge to think about sex all the time? Not only self sex, normal sex is invol...
A. 13 August 2012: since thinking about sex is normal for most adults and nearly constant for young men of your age, there is not much you can do to stop thinking about it..
get active in hobbies and sports...
and marry young.... (read in full...)
Three months and he treats me well. But do you think his relationship with his ex could be a stumbling block?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. He's good to me, treats me well. I just have some concerns about his relationship with his ex. He works for her, plays sports with her, they have children together, and he's at her place a lot....
A. 13 August 2012: the fact that she has the pin to his account is concerning... if they are split he needs to change that.
they have kids together if the kids are young (below high school) they will need a lot of contact to co-parent properly... that's to be... (read in full...)
Are guys immediate about pursuing a girl or do they go away to think it through before they make their first move?
Q. I am a very conscientious person and as a result I tend to over analyse and think my way out of things. when it comes to getting to know a guy I tend to hold back at first and observe his behaviour and actions rather than (like many women) pounce a...
A. 13 August 2012: they don't know INSTANTLY... but when they know they will move forward in making it happen if they are not too immature or shy...
IF you like a guy you should give out signals so he knows it.... (read in full...)
Never needed it before. What would be the reasons why, after all this time, I have now started to need lube to have sex?
Q. Dear cupid, I'm a 33 year old woman with a healthy sexual appetite and a boyfriend that I've been dating for a year. With my previous sexual partners I never had to use lube, I was always wet enough to have sex although I've never been so wet that...
A. 13 August 2012: needing lube does not mean you don't find him attractive.
you're getting older and as you get older you lubricate less
if you take antihistamines for allergies it also could deplete your body fluids.
It's not a reflection on your desir... (read in full...)
He was like my dream guy. But I feel wounded by his actions. How should I handle this situation?
Q. I met this guy at a club. I liked him at first sight .I thought he liked me,too. he thought I am good looking and show me off in front of his friends. He was like my dream guy. I am afraid I can never meet someone just like him again. He...
A. 13 August 2012: just ignore him..
you will meet the right person at the right time...
go slow... give them time to chase and woo you... it's old fashioned but it works... ... (read in full...)
Sweet sixteen. Does he like me, or does he just want to get into my pants?
Q. OK, so i have been hanging out with this guy for the last 4 weekends, going to parties and such. his mate kept telling me to hook up with him, and that he hasn't been flirting with any girls since i've been hanging with him. the thing is though,...
A. 13 August 2012: Not much info to go on... but if you wonder, then it would be a good idea to NOT be sexual till you no longer wonder.... (read in full...)
What can we both do to help encourage my libido to return? I feel like a horrible Gf to my Bf
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years now and I have completely lost interest in sex. We've tried different things to get my interest back but it hasn't worked and I feel like a horrible girlfriend. I still love my boyfriend it's not ...
A. 13 August 2012: what's changed?
how long has this been happening
is it related to your method of birth control? (hormonal bc can cause loss of libido)....
... (read in full...)
How should I deal with online friend who proposed to me recently, but was uncomplimentary about my face? Should we break-up?
Q. My friend proposed me last week on friendship day. I'm 16 and he is 18. I accepted his proposal and we started dating. We know each other from 2-3 months. We had never met or talked before. I never showed him my pic before. I'm suffering from marf...
A. 13 August 2012: Honey you have never met in real life. this is not a real relationship it's make believe...
you can't love someone you have not met much less not seen.
He's honest with you that your insides are beautiful but your outside surprised hi... (read in full...)
I am embarrassed about oral sex. Are there things I should be aware of?
Q. Hi I have a question about oral sex. I’m in a new relationship and my partner wants to give me oral sex. The problem is I feel embarrassed of him going down on me. I do want him to pleasure me but I’m worried what if he doesn’t like my scent or...
A. 13 August 2012: He won't care about the look... as for the scent and taste a freshly washed person clear of infections etc is perfectly delightful.
if you wax you won't have stubble... you will have regrowth and it's not as stubbly..
relax.... you are putting... (read in full...)
We broke up last week. Now he's talking FWB. What does he really want?
Q. Heyy please help me out. I am confused and don't know what to do. A month ago me and my bf broke up. Didnot contact each other for like two weeks. And then became friends. Then we start seeing each other and he starts kissing me. I think we are back...
A. 13 August 2012: Do not sleep with him honey
do not kiss him
do not see him
all he wants is sex....
Block him... avoid him... do not believe his words..
... (read in full...)
My rib area hurts and is sensitive to cold. Why?
Q. I have pain in my left rib area under and to the side of my breasts. It hurts randomly when I move, and is sensitive to cold. I thought it was due to sleeping in the hotel bed during vacation but it still hurts now that I'm back home. During my two ...
A. 12 August 2012: I would also see a doctor.
you are young but pain under the left rib cage high up (under the breast for women) is a sign of gall bladder problems...
however there something called referred pain... for example my shoulder hurt when I perforate... (read in full...)
I need some advice about having sex while on my period.
Q. For the guys out there; Recently me and the guy I'm dating had sex and he knew I just got off my period (literally the last day of my period, going to his place I was off my period) and its been a little while so we took the opportunity and went for ...
A. 10 August 2012: Not a guy but I've been with many...
they have run the gammut from men who would go down on me during my period (something I DON'T like) to men that would freak out if my flow started during straight intercourse..
IF your guy said NBD... the... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't want a girlfriend so why does he want to introduce me to his family?
Q. Hi, I have this guy who tells me he does not want a girlfriend and that I should not expect for him to eventually be my boyfriend. I get this, and am trying to decide what I want. However, on the next part Id thia conversation he had with me, he ...
A. 10 August 2012: I'd ask him " Bob we aren't going to get serious so I don't see a need to meet your family... can you tell me why you feel it's important?"
and go from there.
sounds to me like he's not sure what he wants... ... (read in full...)
What do you think of this situation?
Q. Hi I just need a bit of help regarding this situation I met a man almost 2 years ago I fell for him almost immediately but not I realise he conned me into a fwb at forst he told me places we would go he was really loving saw him everyday for a month ...
A. 10 August 2012: you haven't had any contact with him for nearly 3 months...
he treats you badly
he lies to you
he uses you
I think it's time for you to let this go to your past and learn from it.... (read in full...)
My cheater boyfriend doesn't trust me even I never cheat..
Q. So..I have been dating with this guy for over one and a half year. He is 30s and I'm 20s. Age is not a problem for me as I love him and used to prefer mature guys. Basically he has quite a lot of affairs - around one every three months..anyways ...
A. 10 August 2012: what does he give you that makes you willing to put up with his behavior?
you must be getting something out of this relationship
he emotionally abuses you
he openly cheats on you
he doesn't respect you
he insults you
I think you nee... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants sexual play involving her butt and I can't do it
Q. My girlfriend is great. I really love her not to mention her intelligence, sense of humor and...amazing looks. The other day we were had some shower sex that turned into regular sex -- recently she's been into 69, so that's what we did. To be ho...
A. 10 August 2012: I agree with everyone else...do not do what you do not want.
I can suggest that you can buy things called "finger cots" they are like condoms for fingers... made to protect healing fingers from fluids and such (like when you have stitches or a ban... (read in full...)
In the five years we've been together, she's not ever given me so much as even a card, for birthday's, anniversary, or any other special occasion. Do I have a right to be upset?
Q. We've been together for 5 years now, and during those 5 years I've not recieved a thing from her - Not for birthdays, Xmas', Valentines or even Anniversaries. Now I'm a romantic and try not to be materialistic or superficial about anything, ...
A. 9 August 2012: Have you TOLD her you want these things?
she can't be expected to KNOW what you want and need.
her needs are different.
I second the 5 Languages of Love as a great book to help you figure out what she needs.
... (read in full...)
Please help me, should I stay friends with him or move on?
Q. I knew this guy for a month, I won't say we are close. The first time i met him we were both at a party and we were both intoxicated so we figured "lets have sex" so we did. The next day it was awkward so i thought it was a one night stand, however ...
A. 9 August 2012: if you know for a fact that he does not like you and he used you why do you want to be friends with him???... (read in full...)
What kind of topics are good to talk about with a girl?
Q. Hi, I was wondering. I have a girl that I like. She is a peer in my university. We were in the same class this summer. What kind of topics are good to talk about with a girl? I dont know much about her such as her likes or dislikes. I have...
A. 9 August 2012: you have to talk to her about things that interest her.
if she likes you and you have common interests it will flow and you won't feel dull.
if it's an effort to talk to her, maybe you don't have enough in common.... (read in full...)
How can I stop being jealous of my friend?
Q. I'm having friend trouble again, I keep getting jealous of one of my closest friends. Well she keeps saying how men always stare at her and I understand that a lot of men stare at her, she's gorgeous. But I know I'm ugly and I get zero attention, ...
A. 9 August 2012: you are reading too much into it.
you are quite young and have not yet figured out that people of quality are those that love themselves.
It's hard to do at any age... but very hard at your age.
just because men stare at her does not ma... (read in full...)
Why do I always get treated so badly?
Q. Please help me. I dont know how to be with a boy...When ever i have a boyfriend, the boy always cheats me and leave me. I just dont understand why. When i have a boyfriend i stick to one boy only...i dont go flirting with other guys but still boys ...
A. 9 August 2012: at 30-35 you really should be dating men.... is your age right?
the issue is that if everyone else is doing the same thing with you then it's YOU...
are you picking the wrong men?... (read in full...)
Now that we've broken up he's doing all the things I wanted to do
Q. Hello, I wrote on here about me and my boyfriend of nearly two years. Well we spilt up about two weeks ago now and I've got a question that not even he can answer and using know what to feel. Whilst we were together, I asked him if we coul...
A. 9 August 2012: you should feel what you feel...
sad
angry
overwhelmed
excited for a new beginning
whatever you feel is normal
even if it's numb.
why in the world do you even keep track of him now that you are broken up?
he is an ex for a r... (read in full...)
Facebook messages have him convinced I'm cheating
Q. My boyfriend got into my facebook account and saw messages off other guys. I didn't reply to them but I also didn't tell them to go away or delete the people off my friends list. A few weeks after tha he asked to c my phone but my inbox and outbox ...
A. 9 August 2012: You are being punished for the sins of others. I don't think he's right.
He sounds controlling, insecure and immature.
... (read in full...)
Questions about BDSM
Q. Hello, i was wondering if anybody does BDSM? If so, how did youget into it? How old were you? How much of it do you do? Are you hardcore of do you like it soft? What have been your experiences with BDSM? Thanks. :)...
A. 9 August 2012: we've dabbled in it. I wear a necklace we refer to as my collar but it's not something we practice on a daily basis...
I'm a switch and so is my partner and I think that works best...
I was in my 30s before it even became an interest of mine... (read in full...)
What is your personal definition of love?
Q. Recently, a few of my classmates and I have a talk with this male teacher. He is 33 this year and neither married nor dating anyone. So we asked why isnt he getting married. And he suddenly got really quiet and just said softly "what is your ...
A. 9 August 2012: Being willing to be in pain so the person you love is happy....
giving up some of your needs and wants to be with a person..
accepting that it's not perfect but that it's "good enough"
... (read in full...)
He says that I am all he wants in a partner and he wants to settle down with me. So why no planning to make it happen? Am I over anxious?
Q. Hi I would just like some advice on how to figure out if my boyfriend is really meaning it when he says I am all he wants as a partner and he wants to spend the rest of our lives together. He says this a lot but even more if he's had a few drinks (...
A. 9 August 2012: after 3 years at your age I agree it's time for him to put his actions where his words are.
time to get engaged and set a date and get married if that's what you both want.
I agree however that when push comes to shove you will have to be prepa... (read in full...)
Does it mean anything that he takes Forever to reply to my text messages. Is this indicative of anything?
Q. My question is REALLY starting to get to me. Been texting this guy for a while now, he suggested we swap numbers etc. We like to flirt and the like and it seems as though something may be starting between us. Our texting is conversation about v...
A. 9 August 2012: he's not a big texter?
my fiance hates texting.... some folks don't like it.
I too vote for maybe having a REAL relationship... you know get dressed up... go OUT and TALK???... (read in full...)
Attracted to her, but don't want it. How do I stop myself from wanting more?
Q. Over the last year or so, I've gotten a little bit closer with this girl I work with. We get along really well, and have a fun little dynamic between us. I don't see or talk to her outside of work, or anything like that, though. I think I'm star...
A. 9 August 2012: Usually when I start having "those ideas" about someone, it's an indication that i'm ready to date...
this is actually how real good long term relationships start... you don't meet someone and magically say "date material"... they grow on you..... (read in full...)
We broke up. So why can't I just "unfriend" him in my head?
Q. I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years because we couldn't get over problems of fighting about mainly money (he didn't seem to want to put in an effort to make any) and he had a problem with drinking. He was not abusive and is actu...
A. 9 August 2012: because you are still grieving your loss... it takes time..
my gf and i give ourselves 6 weeks of full out mourning (ice cream in bed, crying non-stop, obsessing about him) before we have to "pull up our panties" and deal.
stop being so har... (read in full...)
Am I mean? Should I share more of my money with my girlfriend?
Q. I am 32, my girlfriend of four years is 27. I have a degree and believe in hard work and applying myself to achieve my goals and live well. My gf is not financially motivated and does not want to progress at work, she just wants to get by which is ...
A. 9 August 2012: I think you and your GF are NOT fiscally compatible.
I think that it's time for a grown woman of 27 to be pulling her own weight....
Personally I'm very very old school about money... what's mine is his and what's his is mine... we co-min... (read in full...)
This guy is treating me really coldly after I told him I have a boyfriend, What should I do?
Q. hey, i have a relationship question. i have a boyfriend that i just love,we have been together for over that 1 year 9 months and now we are doing a long distance relationship. and here i met with this guy, who obviously like me but he did not say ...
A. 9 August 2012: what do you expect... he was interested in you as a date and you told him you have a boyfriend and he's a wise man and is not going to pursue you.
You say you have been LDR for nearly 2 years.. have you ever MET your LDR boyfriend?... (read in full...)
Pro's and con's of plastic surgery?
Q. What are the pros and cons of plastic surgery? I have more than enough money and I'm thinking of getting liposuction in another country. I've done some research and they can perform it on me even though I'm not overwieght. I'm average but much ...
A. 9 August 2012: I vote no!
I've had plastic surgery... over a year ago and I still have pain and numbness.
I don't recommend it for cosmetic reasons at all EVER.
as for going to another country... if you have enough money why would you want to go to anothe... (read in full...)
When is flirting crossing a boundary?
Q. I've been with my bf for several years. There's something that bugs me about him. When we're out, if he sees an attractive woman he'll let her know she's hot with his expression. He'll raise his eyebrows and do something with his eyes, and the woman ...
A. 9 August 2012: As the flirter in our relationship I can see both sides of this… He knows how you feel and he tried to stop… he can’t. It’s how he works. It’s natural to him and he can’t see any other way.
It’s the same problem for us. I asked my fiancé how ... (read in full...)
A misunderstanding at the weekend. Should I get in touch with him??
Q. Is it ok for women to text guys these days or should we still play by these silly rules? I have been dating someone for about 2 months. We all went to a group music festival at the weekend and we hardly saw each other until the end when we trie...
A. 9 August 2012: by all means if you feel there was a misunderstanding and until then things were going well it would be find to contact him. I would NOT text however.
Texting is NOT for important things.
Call him and arrange a time for you two to talk abou... (read in full...)
He is generous but still has not said he loves me. Does he love me or not?
Q. Hi, I was always under the impression if a guy spends his money on you then his investing in a future. My boyfriend of 8.5 months is very generous. He books lovely holidays, hotels, takes me out to dinner etc but still hasn't said he loves m...
A. 9 August 2012: I have a man who does not say he loves me often. I know he loves me. I knew it before he told me. Now he confirms it.
It's not about spending money although to me, a man that is generous with his money, his time and his attention is saying a... (read in full...)
Should I forget him as he's not interested and move on?
Q. I feel attracted to a man in my workplace but I have never been able to know how he feels for me. I find it quite difficult to understand his behaviour towards me. At times, I catch him looking at me longingly while at other times he make as if he ...
A. 8 August 2012: sadly, he's not interested in you in the way you would like him to be...
it would be best to not hold out hope.
... (read in full...)
How do I minimize my daily masturbation?
Q. i am 20 years old and i have not been in a relationship ever. what i am going to share and ask with you is important for me. i am in a habit of masturbation once daily . i want to stop doing it. i need advice how can i control myself to minimize it ...
A. 8 August 2012: well first of all daily masturbation will not harm you as long as you are not excluding other parts of your life like, exercise, work, school, friends and eating....it's part of a balanced life.
if you want to stop it, then just don't do it... pe... (read in full...)
Is checking partners phone wrong
Q. So there has been a lot of talk in magazines etc about Jools wanting to check Jamie Oliver's texts....and I have to say whilst it's wrong I can kind of understand it... My boyfriend has always been very private about his phone, to the point that h...
A. 8 August 2012: if he is secretive it's because there is stuff he does not want you to see or know about.
I have been with men who have lied to me about things... and guess what... they always got defensive when I wanted to see their phone...
my current pa... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to move interstate with him, which means quitting my job, selling my house, etc.
Q. My boyfriend of 3.5 years is considering applying for jobs interstate. He may be lucky to find a job where we currently are (his current one will be ending soon) but i would say it is 50/50. I know it isn't actually happening yet but we need to be ...
A. 8 August 2012: sounds to me like you do not want to move.
a year or two of LDR is workable if both people are committed to the relationship.. if only one person wants it to work it won't.
Personally I'd not be moving for something that's only 1-2 year... (read in full...)
Is he having a mid-life crisis? Is this not love?
Q. Because What would a man his age want with a woman like this? Ok well my Ex and I we are split up for about 5 months . We still tells me about his life , and for the past 3 months he is constantly talking about his friend he met for the first time ...
A. 8 August 2012: why does it have to be love?
he's enjoying himself (laughing is a key indicator of that)
and they are both legal adults.
I'm really glad my ex didn't feel the need to address my 30 something fiance since I'm 50 something.... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
