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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Do any of you write to your exes after the dust settles?
Q. I could use some guidance on something that has been bothering me for weeks. I divorced about a year and a half ago and recently remarried (to someone new). I am so in love and truly on a better path in life. My former marriage was long however...
A. 18 July 2012:
OP,
I just got off the phone with my ex husband… we are friendly… in fact, next week when my fiancé and I go on vacation, my ex and his new wife will be there… we will see them on and off for a whole week…(it’s a large convention we all attend)…... (read in full...)
I've been dating my friend for the past year but he doesn't want any of our mutual friends nor his family to know about it
Q. Dear Cupid I am been dating my friend for past 1 year, but he doesn't want any of our mutual friends to know. He hasn't introduced me to his friends or his family. Recently he asked me not to send any text messages, i usually don't send much ...
A. 17 July 2012: I concur with Jinxx and Honeypie.
but I'm voting that he's seeing someone else and that's why he does not want you texting him...
I would force his hand to be honest. It will at least make ending it concrete...
tell him he has till xx/... (read in full...)
I don't want to be married anymore! How do I tell my husband?
Q. i'm married and i'm not in love with my husbandi have know feelings for him anymore, when he touch me i don't feel anything...i don't want to be married anymore...how do i tell him that i want how of this marriage without being so blunt...
A. 17 July 2012: you are going to have to be blunt if you want out... especially if he has not been given any hints or clues that you want out....
are you sure there is no hope?
what about counseling?
are there things that are going on that make you feel t... (read in full...)
Husband insists on going clubbing without wife - why
Q. So here's my problem in a nutshell I believe my husband is having a midlife crisis and I don't see a way back from this - so any advice will be appreciated. We are both in our forties and some months ago he started going out with his friends on ...
A. 17 July 2012: He goes out Friday nights without you,
he wants to keep a “bachelor pad” after you move….
You are not allowed to go out without him but he can go without you
When you assert yourself he breaks things (and probably scares you)
Clearly the... (read in full...)
Am I the problem... or her?
Q. Is it me or her ? Ok my gf and I been dating for a while now. We started out fine till when she started acting sneaky i call it. I cant see her every time we plan on seeing each other. She always makes up an excuse, the first time was she had to ...
A. 17 July 2012: Even if she's telling the truth you two are broken up...
and she is rather drama laden.
I too think that there is a bit of story telling going on...
I'd cut my loses and move on.... (read in full...)
What does true love feel like?
Q. I dont think i have ever known true love. from your point of view what does it feel like?...
A. 17 July 2012: it will depend on what you define as true love...
it's different for everyone...
for me it means being willing to give up what I want to make sure the other person has what they need...... (read in full...)
Should I listen to my dad or should I just marry this awesome guy and relax?
Q. Hi! I'm getting married next month. My beloved fiancé has just found out that he's gonna have to move abroad for the next 7 months and I'm devastated. I've talked about this to my dad (who never supported this marriage in the first place)and he said ...
A. 17 July 2012: if you love him and want to marry him and you two feel you can survive the separations then I say marry him.
... (read in full...)
Religious question: is it wrong we are not married?
Q. I am a christian woman however i havent been living my life the way a christian should. I have been with my boyfriend about 3.5 years. We have two children together, live together, and love each other. We both want to get married but we can barely ...
A. 17 July 2012: go to walmart and buy two cheap gold bands
go to the court house and get married... wear your best clothes and if you can afford it buy a new pretty dress...
take the kids and whomever goes with you out for a meal or go back to the house and ha... (read in full...)
If this online guy has lied about simple stuff like this, I don't know what more he could lie about!
Q. I'm a 18 year old girl. Im pretty mature, not kiddish at all. I met a guy on a penpal site around 3 years ago and he introduced himself as just John (name obviously changed). He told me he was 24 then (should be 27 now) We eventually lost touch ...
A. 17 July 2012: you never should have let him pick you up in the first place
I'd not be getting in a car with someone you met online that you barely know....
... (read in full...)
Why do middle aged men expect all women to be slim and perfect looking, when they are not?
Q. So, I need some love and support tonight, friends. I am 54 and been on my own for over 3 years since my last break up. Last November, I made a promise to myself to really give online dating a chance, and to put myself out there and take risks. And I ...
A. 17 July 2012: I’m 52 so right in your age range. I’m not stunning… I could stand to lose 10-20 pounds. But having been 300 pounds a few years ago, 20 seems like nothing… I’m NORMAL sized and at just under 5’3” I’m “fun sized” too. And yet at my large size I ... (read in full...)
I am curvy and I want to lose a little weight the right way. Any tips please?
Q. I really really need to lose weight. I have big bones, but i'm curvy. So i'm not hugely out of proportion, but it definately looks like i need to lose some weight Diet is simple for me, cut down, but if you have any day to day diet or meal tips, th...
A. 17 July 2012: Do not lose weight to look hot for someone else.
Lose weight to be healthy and look good for yourself….
The best exercise you can get for burning calories is walking or maybe dancing… I just got a DDR for my Wii and although I can’t do all... (read in full...)
I'm not wet enough for sex and I'm unsure why
Q. I'm having trouble getting wet with my bf. We pretty much have to use lube every time we have sex. We've been together for a year and before him I've never had to do that. I can't say that I get super wet anyway (for instance, i hear that some women ...
A. 17 July 2012: most of the time i need lube... in fact, when I don't I'm shocked.
it's actually always been this way for me...
just because you are not well lubricated does not mean you are not turned on... antihistamines or other meds can limit your bodil... (read in full...)
Do you think women have a more difficult time letting go?
Q. This is just a general question, but do you agony aunts find that girls have a harder time getting over exes than guys? Every girl I know has an ex who they still have a thing for if even in just a small way. I admit to still being attracte...
A. 17 July 2012: I think it appears that way in general because women are taught that it's ok to be openly emotional but men are taught to hold it in...
I think men hurt too but they suffer in silence...... (read in full...)
I can't get over my jealous feelings about his texting with his female best friend!
Q. So today, I read my bf's text messages (he let me) between him and his girl best friend. They haven't talked for a few days, but I'm bothered. Keep in mind that he's not the person to really text, and when he does, it's short and to the point. ...
A. 17 July 2012: I"m with Bond Girl... men and woman who are single IMO have a very hard time being friends.
I have male friends here at work... but we are all partnered outside of work with others... and most of my male friends are part of a couple...
al... (read in full...)
What's wrong with me? I don't understand.
Q. I'm 33 years old mother of 3 been married 12 years husband has looked at porn since he was a teenager. At first I was mad about it then realized He wasn't gonna stop no matter what. So I accepted it even though it hurt. He has told me when he ...
A. 17 July 2012: Nothing is wrong with you.
Have you talked to him about how you feel when he looks at other women with you when you are out? He may not be able to help it but it may not be a reflection on you...
I mean do you look at a good looking guy when... (read in full...)
My husband ogles other women, flirts with other women in front of me, and is mean about my body since I had our baby.
Q. I had our baby 5 months ago. During my pregnancy, I was on serious bed rest, and meds, for 3 months, then after, I had to recover from Caesarean for another few months. I was approx 110lbs when I got pregnant, and gained quite a bit of weight due ...
A. 17 July 2012: IT took you 9 months to grow that lovely baby and it will take you nearly a year to get back to a body you will accept. Your body will never be the same.
I'm not sure what planet your husband is from thinking you carried his precious child in... (read in full...)
I'd love to see him more often but don't know if he likes me enough to have a proper relationship but is scared.
Q. I've really liked this guy for about 18 months now. I don't see him that often, just a few times a year, when he comes to visit family next door. We've slept together twice; first time over a year ago when we were drunk, and the second time a few ...
A. 17 July 2012: It is what it is... Fuck buddies.. nothing more... if he wanted more it would be more.
The issue is you like him a lot and want more... even if you say you don't want him to move... admit it you want him to WANT to move...
Here's my sto... (read in full...)
Should I believe this psychic's reading?
Q. Hi everyone! So I just had a psychic reading, it wasn't very in depth or anything because it was free and if I wanted to find out more she wanted me to pay but I didn't because I don't know where I stand with psychics, I guess I'm a bit skeptica...
A. 17 July 2012: I can read tarot cards for you and based on your reactions tell you things that will sound exactly like what you need/want to hear and I will seem positively psychic to you.
It's not hard to learn to gauge a person's reactions to what you say... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to be ready, keep talking and getting to know each other more, and risk the chance of getting my heart broken again?
Q. A few months ago I met an amazing guy a couple years older than me. He is going through the end of a divorce, though. She filed against him over a year ago and has moved on. He, however, says that he is not ready for a relationship yet. We hang out...
A. 17 July 2012: If you want a relationship with him when he’s ready then you need to stop being available now. Right now you are the transitional woman and he will slot you in that role and never see you as more than that…
He’s giving you all the signs that he’s... (read in full...)
Do you ever look?
Q. Ok question: Do any of you women or men in any type of relationship ever ever snoop or look thru draws, files papers laying out computer, phone looking thru the boyfriends/girlfriends things when they arent around? Am I the only one who NEVER ever ...
A. 17 July 2012: I don't snoop unless I'm given a reason to snoop.
I had ONE partner I snooped... my last husband... but he was a lying cheater other than that never have never will.
... (read in full...)
I'm not sure that I can handle this long distance relationship
Q. Hello there, So I need some advice from you guys. I have a met a really wonderful guy recently. We got together at the beginning of May at Uni, unfortunately around revision period and then on June 7th following the end of term we had to separate...
A. 17 July 2012: UNI is not real life… it’s a special time in your life… he’s going to be gone for a year… a year is a long time in your life at this point…. How will you cope for the year he’s gone?
When he's not with you, you clearly are not a priority... (read in full...)
I want to invite my friend over for a meal but don't really have the room!
Q. Dear Aunts (and Uncles), I'm not sure what to do about this dilemna and really need help! I have decided that I REALLY must invite a close friend of mine over to my place and I want to prepare a nice meal for him. The trouble is, I rent a r...
A. 16 July 2012: In that case why not take this friend out for a meal and explain that you would love to cook for him but you just don't have the space so this will have to do?... (read in full...)
I'm not sure that I can handle this long distance relationship
Q. Hello there, So I need some advice from you guys. I have a met a really wonderful guy recently. We got together at the beginning of May at Uni, unfortunately around revision period and then on June 7th following the end of term we had to separate...
A. 16 July 2012: Chigirl is correct.
I just finished an LDR we were 2 hours apart and it was nuts for both of us so we gave up and he gave up his entire life and moved down here losing his job, all his friends and his place to live... but we could not bear to ... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend is harrassing me! please help!
Q. Hey, I'm only 15 years old and my 17 year old ex- boyfriend is harrassing me. I ended the relationship just about a month ago for no mega dramatic reason but I just knew his wasnt for me, we had been together about a year and a half and now he's ...
A. 16 July 2012: why have you not blocked his number?
and blocked him on facebook/twitter
if you block him you won't know he's trying to contact you or being a drama queen with his status updates
continue to ignore him
he's just being a drama queen try... (read in full...)
Does every woman queef?
Q. Does every female queef? I really want to be able to stop queefing during intercourse, I usually do the first time, for example say on a night time the first time me and my partner have sex I usually queef then if we have sex more times during tha...
A. 16 July 2012: I do sometimes
pressing on your abdomen or squeezing muscles won't help since the air is trapped in the vagina....
most men don't think twice about it once they realzie it's a queef and not a fart.... (read in full...)
Have my wife and friend been intimate behind my back?
Q. A while ago I asked for advice about fulfilling my wifes mfm fantasy with my friend. A resounding 'bad idea' was what most people said,which is fair enough and we are not going to pursue it. However,some of u said that given what I'd said about our ...
A. 16 July 2012: you are playing a dangerous game....
you want this fantasy so badly...
go ahead and go for it...
if you are willing to RISK losing everything...
I am telling you... there was sharing in my last marriage and it killed the marriage... t... (read in full...)
My insecurities? His inconsideration?
Q. I really don't know who is in the wrong regarding our situation? My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and just moved in together. He will sometimes put on these (sexy teenager movies) he used to watch while growing up...
A. 16 July 2012: What movies are you talking about? My fiancé is 39 to my 52 and he loves movies from his early teen years… and watches them and talks about his teen crush on Ally Sheedy… (funny my first husband had a crush on her too)…
I guess the fact that I w... (read in full...)
I still love him but am unsure if I should answer his messages.
Q. My boyfriend brokeup with me two months ago and after a couple of days he send me a message saying he is sorry for how things turned out but i did not reply back. now after one and a half month of no contact. he send me a message on fb. we are not ...
A. 16 July 2012: my son broke up with a girl and he's very sorry he did. I wish he would contact her and see if they can fix it but he won't.
contact him. see what is going on... especially if you think you two could work it out...... (read in full...)
Can you lose your virginity without sex?
Q. hi,my question is,m not married yet,,but i m in relationship,my boyfriend put his hand finger inside my virgin and rub inside me many time,i also smooch his penis many time,,,but sometimes i feel i lose my virginity,,,,without sex..is in it ...
A. 16 July 2012: You are what I would call a “technical virgin” you have sexual experience but the accepted definition of virgin is one who has not had penis/vagina contact. In other words SEXUAL INTERCOURSE….... (read in full...)
We split up but he suggested a FWB arrangement. Should I do it?
Q. I've met this man right after I ended my marriage of 20 years. It was so nice to feel being wanted and loved again. He is 16 years older than me. Four years on I don't love him any more. He is not a caring person and just enjoy being looked ...
A. 16 July 2012: I would not... I believe you've posted about him before and are trying to split up with him.
FWB will just keep you tied to him.
if you miss the sex and just the sex find a younger guy to play with... one who is interested in bagging a cougar... (read in full...)
Freind with benefits coping methods
Q. Hello, a month ago I met a guy via an online dating website. We got along well, went on a few dates and after 6 dates he slept over at my place. The next morning I was rather shocked as I did not want to turn this into a relationship, so...
A. 16 July 2012: “The next morning I was rather shocked as I did not want to turn this into a relationship, so we talked and came to the conclusion that we both would like to have something ''open''.
So you set this up as FWB and now you are wanting to change th... (read in full...)
I thought my trainer was my friend but he has upped his prices!
Q. Over the past year I have become good friends with my personal trainer. But recently he told me he had to raise his rates and asked me for more money. Of course I was surprised he would do this to me and I am hurt by it. I thought he conside...
A. 16 July 2012: Ah your update sheds more light on this… he’s stringing you along and you want more….
Yes you will have to pay him to keep seeing him… he’s int this for the business…
You have to make the call sweetie… sounds to me like while he likes you w... (read in full...)
My wife has a crush on a man she met online. She denies it, I know its true
Q. wife has a crush? My wife of 2 years has recently been speaking to a guy daily since they met online about a week ago. They meet online every night speaking by mic, he compliments her very often and flirts as does she, they spend hours talking ...
A. 16 July 2012: Have you told her it reminds you of when you and her were dating? Have you told her it bothers you…
If you tell her it bothers you and you ask her to stop it and she does not, then you can tell her she needs to make a choice… and then go from ... (read in full...)
My husband insulted me in front of his friend
Q. Dear all, my husband fought with me in front of his friend and insulted me by tellin me that he will hit me and I should shut up...I couldn't believe that he could say such thing in front of his friend...what would any of u do if u were in my ...
A. 16 July 2012: I agree with YouWish
was this the first time he said he would hit you
what did he tell you to shut up about?
are you afraid of him?
are there kids? are you afraid for them?
more info please.
if this was a one time thing, and... (read in full...)
One night stand cheat on my girlfriend of 3 yrs,..Should I tell her or live with guilt?
Q. Ive been with my gf for 3 years now and our relationship has been the greatest thing in my life. Weve been though a hell of alot with each other and theres nothing i wouldnt do for her. Weve talked immensely about not cheating on each other bc we ...
A. 16 July 2012: if there is a chance she would or could find out EVER at ALL, i think it's important that she find out from you ASAP...
... (read in full...)
I didn't bleed but it really hurt. How do I know if my hymen was broken?
Q. My boyfriend was fingering me and it really hurt, but I never bled. Did I break my hymen? How can I check?...
A. 16 July 2012: You have never run, climbed up on anything, done any gym work, never played as a child?
Those things will break a hymen… it’s just a very fragile piece of skin… and usually by the time a young lady is a teen it’s long gong… running, jumping,... (read in full...)
Do you get turned on by tickling?
Q. I have liked tickling for as long as I can remember. I find it fun and love tickling girls, especially on their feet. Does anybody enjoy tickling or being tickled? And to make the discussion even more interesting, does anyone get turned on by it? I ...
A. 16 July 2012: if you tickled me (especially my feet) I would HURT YOU... especially if I said STOP and you did not.
Did you know that tickling is a form of torture???
... (read in full...)
I have anxiety/panic attacks and I'm afraid to tell anyone!
Q. So I know this is really a relationship problem, but I don't really know where else to go right now. Lately, I've been having really bad anxiety, and I'm scared to tell anyone or go to a therapist. I'm only 16, and it gets really bad, I ha...
A. 16 July 2012: the panic attacks can be controlled. it's not a crime to need some help.
you need to tell your mom or dad that you are having them and talk to the doctor about it... there are medications that can help, just like if you needed glasses to read... ... (read in full...)
Do any of you write to your exes after the dust settles?
Q. I could use some guidance on something that has been bothering me for weeks. I divorced about a year and a half ago and recently remarried (to someone new). I am so in love and truly on a better path in life. My former marriage was long however...
A. 16 July 2012: I just posted Happy Birthday to my ex-husband’s wife this morning..
and back in February I told my ex husband happy birthday... but that's it...
personally I think she’s an ex and you should let it be.
You can wish her a happy birthda... (read in full...)
I've just discovered the girl I like has HIV and now I'm not sure what I should do.
Q. So for a good amount of time I've been single and haven't had much going on in my romantic life, partly because I'm very picky about girls and partly because I had a long period of being less social than I used to be. Recently though I've been ...
A. 16 July 2012: At your age I would advise being very careful about his...
I will tell you this:
My brother in law has HIV and has for nearly 20 years. My brother his husband has been with him for 12 years and he does NOT have it. My brother has HEP-C (very ... (read in full...)
How do I make him break up with me instead?
Q. My love life is crazy now. I met a guy and i really like him and he loves me but we have a long distance relationship and i think i have gotten over him i promised him i would not break his heart. How do i make him break up with me instead?...
A. 16 July 2012: If you want to break up with him you don’t love him.
If you have not met in person there is no way he could actually love you.. he’ doesn’t really know you…
You can’t make someone break up with you to do your dirty work… it hurts but on... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to wait 6 years to have children but I'm all ready at 27
Q. So my husband and i had a huge argument about having children. He's 23 and I'm 27. We had spoken about it before we got married and i had stated quite clearly that (at 26) I didn't want to wait more than four years as i think having children late ...
A. 16 July 2012: Again the only issue i see here that I'm most concerned about is that you are so worried about what HIS FAMILY thinks... what does HE want...
The issue is what YOU and your HUSBAND want not what anyone else wants.
I can tell you that I had m... (read in full...)
I thought my trainer was my friend but he has upped his prices!
Q. Over the past year I have become good friends with my personal trainer. But recently he told me he had to raise his rates and asked me for more money. Of course I was surprised he would do this to me and I am hurt by it. I thought he conside...
A. 16 July 2012: do you see him outside of training sessions?
just because he flirts with you during sessions does not mean anything.
so what I'm getting from you is that you hired him as a trainer... the sessions go well, you talk intimately and flirt... (read in full...)
I thought my trainer was my friend but he has upped his prices!
Q. Over the past year I have become good friends with my personal trainer. But recently he told me he had to raise his rates and asked me for more money. Of course I was surprised he would do this to me and I am hurt by it. I thought he conside...
A. 15 July 2012: Did the relationship start out as friends or did you become friends after he became your trainer?
IF you have paid him all along then his rates go up and you have to pay them too. he already told you he's not raising you as much as his other cl... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to wait 6 years to have children but I'm all ready at 27
Q. So my husband and i had a huge argument about having children. He's 23 and I'm 27. We had spoken about it before we got married and i had stated quite clearly that (at 26) I didn't want to wait more than four years as i think having children late ...
A. 13 July 2012: If you married with the plans to have children within a few years and he’s changed his mind, well that happens. It’s NOT fair but it does happen.
I don’t buy the whole he’s too young thing. I became a mom at 24 and my ex was 26 at the time… m... (read in full...)
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