Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Abstinence from masturbation before first time sex?
Q. I have visited an escort agency for first time sex and failed miserably to achieve an erection. I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. I have always used straight sex images and softcore porn for inspiration and ...
A. 6 September 2012: in your original post you said :
" I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. "
you are not impotent.... (read in full...)
Is he having a mid-life crisis? Is this not love?
Q. Because What would a man his age want with a woman like this? Ok well my Ex and I we are split up for about 5 months . We still tells me about his life , and for the past 3 months he is constantly talking about his friend he met for the first time ...
A. 8 August 2012: why does it have to be love?
he's enjoying himself (laughing is a key indicator of that)
and they are both legal adults.
I'm really glad my ex didn't feel the need to address my 30 something fiance since I'm 50 something.... (read in full...)
In love with a married woman and she wont leave her husband!
Q. I have been seeing a married woman for about 4 months. We both started the relationship for the same reasons. I started my divorce and she went back to her marriage. This girl is the woman of my dreams. We both know that this is a once in a lifetime ...
A. 7 August 2012: You've made statements but have not asked a question.
do you have a question?
what can we help you with?
Sadly for you she is married and while she's cheating on her husband with you, clearly she has enough feelings for her husband ... (read in full...)
To much time apart in a fresh relationship?
Q. So recently I started going out with this amazing girl. The only problem is that ugly away she went on vacation and I missed her for that two weeks, but we could talk so it was cool. But right when she got back her parents suddenly surprised her ...
A. 7 August 2012: relax... this short time apart is not going to ruin the relationship.
Person12345 is right... it will be so nice when she gets home... ... (read in full...)
Abstinence from masturbation before first time sex?
Q. I have visited an escort agency for first time sex and failed miserably to achieve an erection. I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. I have always used straight sex images and softcore porn for inspiration and ...
A. 7 August 2012: I really think after all your posts about this issue that you need to see a good life therapist. An escort cannot fix this problem.
Losing your virginity is not the issue.
You keep saying that your looks prevent you from getting dates bu... (read in full...)
Am I the one with the problem or does it sound like he's having second thoughts?
Q. I wrote a while ago about my boyfriend working in calgary and saying hed be home to stay in august but I wasn't so sure... He's not.. He's supposed to be home in december now. We are engaged now. Planning on our wedding to be next august. But the ...
A. 7 August 2012: so if you are not working why can't you go be with him in Calgary?... (read in full...)
He verbally abuses me, we had a fist fight, I don't trust him but I love him!
Q. Hello Agonies. Let me get straight to it..I seem to can't let go and move on from my bf, no matter what he ever did or said to me, whom has cheated on me 5x's, he's very disrespectful, he wants to act like a stray dog and do what he wants to do. ...
A. 7 August 2012: YOU can’t let go of this man. You say you love him and want to be with him….
Write yourself two lists on one sheet of paper divided down the middle
On the left column you put all the reasons you love him…
On the right column you put all t... (read in full...)
I feel so bad that he has a girlfriend!
Q. Hi everyone. Im bit confused and hope you all might help me. There is this guy working with me who is 6 years younger then me. His my best friend...i always share my problems with him. We always fight and tease each other. Today i came to know that ...
A. 7 August 2012: You want this guy as more than a friend...
if you are 26 and he's 20 that can seem a bit too much
and at 29 and 23 it might be a bit much too... but I can tell you that when my Fiance was 23 and I was 36 it would NOT have worked... but now it... (read in full...)
Am I the one with the problem or does it sound like he's having second thoughts?
Q. I wrote a while ago about my boyfriend working in calgary and saying hed be home to stay in august but I wasn't so sure... He's not.. He's supposed to be home in december now. We are engaged now. Planning on our wedding to be next august. But the ...
A. 7 August 2012: just because he's choosing to work in Calgary does not mean he's having second thoughts...
Jobs are hard to come by now... if he's making good money in Calgary and there is an end in sight... I'm not sure why you interpret this as second thoughts... (read in full...)
Why hasn't my boyfriend divorced his ex wife yet?
Q. I'm in a fairly new relationship of about four months with a wonderful guy, and it's probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. We hardly have cause to fight, we don't live in each others' pockets or see too little of each other and we ...
A. 7 August 2012: My first divorce took years... we just never got around to it until he wanted to remarry... then we finished the divorce. It was never a sign that I was going back to him or he to me.
In the state I live in, you must live in separate homes fo... (read in full...)
Am I a rebound? Is my boyfriend just using me to make his pregnant ex jealous?
Q. Well thank you for reading. Here it goes short version. I met a guy 3 days after his relationship ended. He has known her for 11 years, dated off and on. Now she is pregnant and broke up with him and we started dating three days after. He te...
A. 7 August 2012: She broke up with him
THREE DAYS LATER you started dating… it was an ELEVEN YEAR relationship…
He says he loves you after A MONTH but do you even believe him? I mean how in the world could he be ready to date again THREE DAYS after his lo... (read in full...)
If a girl tells a guy that she loves him and his reply is, "You, too," what does it mean?
Q. So, with this being a question regarding the male mind (the most confusing universe in existence), I'm really looking for opinions from some guys. However, if there are any girls who have performed miracles and managed to actually understand what ...
A. 7 August 2012: some people do not say "I love you" easily. My current partner does not. It's not a red flag if his actions show you how he feels...
it's not a male thing....it's about his personality. I've had men tell me they loved me when they did... s... (read in full...)
Why am I fantasizing about a much older man?
Q. I am a 22 year-old college student and I have always been attracted to older men (50+). My oldest crush was 56 but I have been fantasizing about one of my professors this year who is 65! Isn't that crazy? The funny thing is that he is not even ...
A. 7 August 2012: You prefer older men... NBD... it's your taste... nothing is wrong with you.
... (read in full...)
I found the perfect wedding dress, but it is white!
Q. Hello! I am getting married next spring. Excitment! The other day I went window shopping and I've seen the prettiest little (and very cheap) dress ever. But... it's white! I'm in my early 30s and I'm not a virgin anymore and all the people at my we...
A. 7 August 2012: I think if it's your first wedding that white is just fine.
I'm getting married in October and it's sadly not my first wedding and there was no way I was looking bride like.... but if it was my first or second you bet I would!
WEAR that WHI... (read in full...)
Should I cross this risky line?
Q. So three years ago, I met this co-worker that absolutely blew my mind. She was special in every shape and form. I spent countless days trying to summon the courage to ask her out. When I finally did find the will, I heard she had relocated to ...
A. 7 August 2012: Dating someone at work who is a peer is tricky
Dating a boss is often not allowed.
Even here in the federal government spouses cannot work on the same team or in the same office...they are split up...
I can give you a zillion reasons N... (read in full...)
My mom is dating a guy a little older than me. Do I need to step in?
Q. My mom who is in her mid 40s is in a relationship with a guy who is apparently in his early 20s. Their relationship is merely based on sex from what I can tell. She wears low cut tops and short shorts when she hangs out with him. i moved out of the ...
A. 6 August 2012: yes
no and
no
yes the relationship is normal my fiance is 39 and I'm 52
no her clothing is not unusual especially if she has the figure for it. my fiance prefers me in high heels and short skirts. I tend to indulge him in this more oft... (read in full...)
Dumped him for various red flags, agree or disagree?
Q. Dated a guy for almost 2 years andhe never ever took me to his house or showed me where he lived. I found that creepy and asked him about it several times but he just ignored my requests to see his place. Dumped him eventually for that and a bunch ...
A. 2 August 2012: totally agree... seeing where they live is one of the first things I would want to do.... (read in full...)
Are my masturbation habits normal?
Q. SO this is embarrassing.... but i was wondering how often do normal women masturbate? cause i am 16 and i think the level at which i am at is not normal. but idk, cause its not really something you just causally talk about with ur best friends. i ...
A. 1 August 2012: at your age I was at about 2 times a day... but i was not a porn watcher (not really available back then like it is now)
if it's not interfering with your life, (you still go to school, have friends and are active and busy) then I think it's fin... (read in full...)
What exactly does "passionate sex" mean?
Q. Hi Everyone! So im seeing this new guy who is 8 years older then me,i am in my early 20's.Were getting on great and really enjoy being in eachothers company. The only thing that i am really worried about will be when it comes to our first time s...
A. 1 August 2012: men do not cheat because you are bad in bed... get that idea out of your head.
everyone's idea of passion will be different... if you want to know what he means you will need to ask him...... (read in full...)
Advantages and disadvantages of dating a younger man?
Q. Ladies, what do you think about dating a younger man? One of my friends recently broke up with her ex and began dating her current boyfriend one month later. He ex is 1 year younger than her and her boyfriend is 2 years younger than her. I know the ...
A. 1 August 2012: 1-2 years to me is not an age gap. I tend to prefer younger men but I'm 52 so my younger man is your older man...
it's all relative....
at your age younger men are probably a bit more immature than you so if you are more into fun and games a ... (read in full...)
How can a doctor check if you have damaged prostate nerves?
Q. How can a doctor check if you have damaged prostate nerves?...
A. 1 August 2012: with a prostate exam probably.
this is a medical question and should be addressed with your doctor.... (read in full...)
Every time I invite her to do something she's busy. Is she just not interested?
Q. Hello, I met this girl a 2 weeks ago through a mutual friend. That night i took her number and told her we would do something soon enough. A few days later we went out and we had a blast, I ever ran into another friend of mine who saw us toget...
A. 1 August 2012: I agree stop asking her out for the same day
call and ask for at least three days in advance...
... (read in full...)
Could it be he really doesn't want to get married?
Q. My boyfriend is 41 and has never been married. We have been together for a year. When I ask him if he sees himself getting married in the future his response is "maybe, I'm not sure". I would think that by 41 you would know if you wanted to get ...
A. 31 July 2012: I know my fiance did not believe in marriage and never wanted to marry till he met me and fell in love. My close friends are getting married in Sept and its his first he is 52!
My take is that if they meet the right person they know.
So the ... (read in full...)
How did you pick you wedding bands?
Q. Hi! This is a very shallow question but here it is. So, I'm getting married soon. Fiancé and I are going to pick up wedding bands this weekend. We both agreed we like them platinum, but I think I'd rather have it gold, you know, real yellow gold ...
A. 31 July 2012: My fiance wears a black diamond titanium band with blue writing. He will wear it as his wedding band too. My ring is a custom trigold band. So bands do not have to match or be gold. Most of the younger men I know prefer titanium to be honest... (read in full...)
Did my counselor speak in an incorrect way to me in offering to help?
Q. Dear Cupid, Recently I went through a difficult time at home; my mother had a near fatal car accident and is still in the process of recovering. The counselor at my old school heard about the accident and contacted me. He told me that if ever nee...
A. 30 July 2012: I agree that if all he did was tell you these things and it was not coming on to you physically (hugging, kissing, arm around you kind of thing) that he's just helping a former student...
remember he went into the profession he's in because he c... (read in full...)
My twin sister and I are dating twin brothers. Is that weird?
Q. We are identical twins and the guys we are with (4 months) are identical twins and we only just found out because we hadn't met each other's boyfriends before and I'm not sure what we all think of it. It's a bit strange. What should we do?...
A. 30 July 2012: I've heard of this...
of course the closest I have is I know one couple who is married and her sister is married to his brother... so the kids are double cousins.... but they are not twins.
how do you and your sister not know who each other'... (read in full...)
Ex lives the good life while I struggle to make ends meet for myself and our child. Should I take him to court?
Q. I was with my partner for 3 years, we have a two year old child together. I called it quits due to arguing and him not trusting me. So we have been apart for 2 months now, and I am trying to be civil for our child, I have been trying to arrange a ...
A. 30 July 2012: by all means go to court... get court ordered paternity and then have his wages garnished for the appropriate amount of child support.
... (read in full...)
How can I squirt?
Q. dear cupid, here recently, my guy has started working his way up to the point where he can "fist" me. while it hasn't always felt like the most pleasant thing in the world, i have reached the point where i actually really, really enjoy it. on...
A. 30 July 2012: I squirted once... guess what.. I didn't feel ANYTHING, and I didn't feel like I had to pee... I had no idea it was coming till it happened...
and while HE was pleased with himself... I was left wholly unsatisfied...
again this is some wei... (read in full...)
Do posters on Dear Cupid frame their questions in a way that would lead to them getting answers which they unknowingly want?
Q. This isn't a question about myself, it's about all of us in general who post questions here on dearcupid. I think it's an odd set up because, like with any agony aunt site, the only information the answerer has to go on lies with the questioner, and ...
A. 30 July 2012: I don't think so. Folks know what they should do but they want validation.... and I've seen folks post "these are not the answers I was expecting"
also so many times I've seen folks say "that's not the title I gave it the mods changed it" ... (read in full...)
How often do married men masturbate without their wife knowing?
Q. How many Married guys masturbate ,Without the wife knowing and How much a day or week? ...
A. 29 July 2012: I'm sure most if not all do...
as for the wife knowing... it's just like Cerberus said...
sometimes i Know sometimes I don't.
and sometimes he knows when I do and sometimes he does not.
I'm concerned about why the wife not ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend get jealous when other guys look at me?
Q. So I was wondering whether I am right to be concerned that my boyfriend never gets jealous of other guys looking at me or get jealous at all, why? Is it because I'm a virgin? ...
A. 29 July 2012: because jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity and he's not insecure about himself or your relationship.
it's a very good thing.... (read in full...)
I am scared because my online friend says he is coming to take me back to the States!
Q. Dear Aunts, What am I supposed to do when my boyfriend of 3 years whom I met online decided to come meet me, when everyone in my family thinks that I shouldn't be with him. He is someone that I met on facebook. Although we don't meet on a regula...
A. 29 July 2012: you are not stuck but you played a dangerous game for three years pretending that this could be something serious.
now you have to be honest and tell him that you don't feel for him the way he feels for you... and tell him that you don't wa... (read in full...)
What can I wear to hide my tummy? I'm a little chubby. Rest is presentable.
Q. Hey everybody! I would like some help. What can i wear on a date that will hide mt tummy the most? I have a flappy tummy. I'm chubby, got a nice ass. I'm about 1.7m tall. thanks. ...
A. 27 July 2012: when I had flabby skin I wore a panty girdle (SPANX) under my clothing... it really helped...... (read in full...)
Do girls masturbate?
Q. hi i reacently talked to a good friend whos a girl and she addmited to me this got me wondering.... do other girls masturbate too?...
A. 27 July 2012: of course... and grown women too!
... (read in full...)
Should we get engaged when we are this young?
Q. Hey Cupids, me and my bf have currently been discussing getting engaged to a point where i even heard him talking to his mom about rings. Im in my sophmore year of college and he is a freshman in college as well. We have been living together...
A. 26 July 2012: What would change in the relationship if you got engaged?
You are together 4 years
you live together
you don't plan to marry soon...
I personally am not a big believer in long engagements so I wonder what would getting e... (read in full...)
Is it too much fir me to want my wife to wear a little make-up?
Q. I really need advice.I have been maried for 18 years.my question is we have one dissagrement I would really like it if my wife would wear a little mascara, eye shadow and lipstick.Not everyday just like three or four times a year.l love her she is ...
A. 26 July 2012: I go both ways on this.....
I wear makeup most days... there was a time however when I did not go out of the house without it. Now I will even go to work without it... to save time mostly...
it is time consuming and messy and a bunch of other... (read in full...)
Texting: What boundaries are acceptable?
Q. I was just curious what boundaries various people think is acceptable when it comes to texting, having a few issues in my relationship because of this at the moment. In my opinion when you get in bed together to watch tv etc phones should be left ...
A. 26 July 2012: i agree. We have a rule "no computers in the bedroom" this means no cell phones for texting either.
I do take my kindle to bed but I'm reading on it and when my partner joins me I put it down.
You just have to create house rules that hav... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing? He cheated, and he asked me to tell him when I do forgive him?
Q. I found out today that my boyfriend of two years has been skyping another girl, calling her 'sexy', 'love', 'cutie', all things that he calls me, telling her she's 20 times hotter than me, that he'll think of her when he's in bed with me, etc. ...
A. 25 July 2012: Emotional cheating to me is worse. I can accept physical cheating more than emotional cheating which is what your guy did.
Saying she’s hotter than you and he thinks of her in bed when he’s with you? I’m UBER forgiving and that would be a dea... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend, but I get the feeling he's into me.
Q. I met up with an old friend, who has a new house and a new girlfriend, yet he invites me over every week in the evening when his gf is not there. Is he into me? Okay, the above was basically the cliff notes version. Here's a more elaborate descri...
A. 25 July 2012: Agree with everyone else.
tell him you can only come over when his gf is there and see what happens.
you are a dirty little secret... he lies to her about you and he lies to you about her...
... (read in full...)
Would you want to know if your partner was cheating?
Q. If you were in love and in a happy relationship and you been togather for along time, If you could chose to find out for certin if you were being cheated on would you? Or would you just continue the happy relationship with out knowing for certin? ...
A. 25 July 2012: You are 18-21 and say you have been together for a long time... are you talking about you or say your mom and your dad is cheating...
because a long time is a bit different... and reasons could be different.
IF it was ME.... I would want ... (read in full...)
This man wants to date with no strings attached
Q. man with bagage from last relationship just wants to hang out, no commitment, supper, movie, site seeing, sex and interrested in other women also what should i do?...
A. 25 July 2012: Well what do you want? If you are asking what to do I think you perhaps like him more than just a FWB kind of thing and if you sleep with him you will fall for him and then you will get hurt because he’s been totally honest that he wants NSA sex… ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to experiment with women to gain sexual experience even though I won't be dating them?
Q. Recently I was having a chat with a friend and the subject of my virginity came up. He ask why I still choose to keep it because girls our age aren't anymore. He got me thinking that when I do find a girlfriend that she would have slept with many ...
A. 25 July 2012: I agree with the previous posters.
many women your age are virgins
as for finding someone for "fun and games" AS LONG AS YOU ARE 100% honest from the get go that it's nothing more than "fun and games" NSA sex... go for it.... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
