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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I really love him but I feel humiliated in this relationship.
Q. Hi.. I am in a long-distance relationship with a guy for last 15 months. I have met him thrice and thought he is my soul-mate. But things have completely changed now. I really love him but I feel humiliated in this relation. He always criticises me. ...
A. 30 August 2012: if you ignore him he starts ruining his life...
why is what he does after you try to leave a relationship with him your problem... that's emotional blackmail.... (read in full...)
Plenty of emotional intimacy, but no physical
Q. My bf and I are in our early 50s and have been dating for several years. We have hugged but have never held hands or kissed, let alone made love. The first couple of years that we were dating, he had some health issues (including some ...
A. 30 August 2012: He sounds like a lovely friend.
IF he can't stand to be touched he may be on the autistic spectrum.
I have a friend who is very sensitive to touch... she's my BFF for over 20 years and I think I have hugged her maybe 5 times over the years..... (read in full...)
2 months away from our wedding and revelations about his past have hurt me. Should I still be getting married?
Q. It is two months before my wedding and I my fiance told me he's been with "like 6 other girls" before me. I had thought there were two which was hard enough because I waited for him. We've been having a hard time sexually and I feel angry an ...
A. 30 August 2012: I would NOT spend an hour trying to get a man to orgasm via BJ... if he can't make it after 30 minutes he's got an issue I'm not willing to deal with... it's hard work.
as for the other stuff
1. go get tested and get him tested (it shoul... (read in full...)
What's with this Personal Trainer at the Gym? He stares at me but then breaks appointments.
Q. Why would he text me like that? Should I bother replying? There's this Personal Trainer at my gym that has been starring me at me all the time everywhere. On the bus, at the gym, while I'm in another room working out he'd be watching me through the ...
A. 30 August 2012: I agree you are reading way too much into this.
he's a personal trainer.. it's his JOB to make you think he wants you to be with him.... he gets PAID for it.
... (read in full...)
Too Close For My Comfort
Q. I need advice. My 24 year old stepdaughter moved in with us. She quit a perfectly good job and came home. She doesn't clean up, she doesn't pay rent, she generally acts like she is still a child instead of the grown woman she is. My problem and...
A. 30 August 2012: Yeah something is NOT right with the relationship.
it's fine to say I love you (we do that every week on the phone) and hug hello and good by... and maybe a touch now and again but their physical relationship sounds over the top
AND ... (read in full...)
Having an affair with a married woman.
Q. Hello, Thanks in advance for your help in this matter. Her's my issue: I have known this woman for several years online. We planned on meeting in person a few times and it fell through each time. We live in different cities and the timing just wasn...
A. 30 August 2012: You make no sense OP as Tisha has said you give us two opposite views in the same breath either you love her or you don’t have any attachment… so you have to pick one.
My bet is on emotionally attached. My bet is also on the fact that she’s ly... (read in full...)
Want to be skinny
Q. i want to get skinny im uk size 8 or 10 but feel really fat i hate my body and need some confidence i have always been a bit chubby and always upset at my body i want to be petit i hate being curvy i find it so unatracctive and fat help me get ...
A. 30 August 2012: You go to mom and you say "mom I think I'm fat and i know I'm not... I may need some help so I don't get anorexic can I please see the doctor"
getting support and help from those that love you is very important in healing...
I get whe... (read in full...)
B/f and I have been into swinging and I HATE it!
Q. About 4 - 5 years ago, me and my boyfriend of 6 years decided to finally try swinging after playing around with the idea for a while. I was scared out of my mind that I was actually going to go through with it, but chalked it up to newbie nerves. ...
A. 30 August 2012: I have only perused the entire post, I don't need to read the details to tell you that swinging never fixes broken.
I know of a few couples where swinging worked. all are married over 20 years each. all went into swinging before being marrie... (read in full...)
Having an affair with a married woman.
Q. Hello, Thanks in advance for your help in this matter. Her's my issue: I have known this woman for several years online. We planned on meeting in person a few times and it fell through each time. We live in different cities and the timing just wasn...
A. 30 August 2012: You are being a catalyst to end what is already a bad marriage. I'm marrying my Catalyst in 5 weeks... but I was in an open marriage and my spouse who I would not have left, was looking for a way out of our marriage and he set rules up to make ... (read in full...)
Our anniversary is on a Thursday but he wants to go out on Saturday. Why?
Q. it's me and my boyfriends 1 year anniversary next month. I mentioned it and he said he'd already planned to take me to a certain restaurant I like so I'm happy that he's put some thought into it. our anniversary falls on a Thursday but he wants to ...
A. 29 August 2012: I agree with Cally... if our anniversary falls on a work night, we might do something special at home but we would probably go out on Saturday night to celebrate it...... (read in full...)
Our family tree would be a circle since we are distantly related. Is it too weird?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 9 months. We have known each other for years and its getting pretty serious. We just found out yesterday that we are 6th cousins 3 times removed, from our understanding. Anyway, our grandfathers are 2nd ...
A. 29 August 2012: cut it out... not a circle... more like distant branches on a very forked tree...
stop worrying about it... Diana was Charles' cousin too...
... (read in full...)
Is it fair of him to ask me to find another home for my cat??
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months, I'm 25 he's 27. Things have moved pretty quickly, but we are very happy and talk about the future openingly, and we are definitely in love. We currently live separately, but have talking about getting ...
A. 29 August 2012: sure it's fair of him to ask
and it's fair of you to say NO
I got rid of my dogs because my fiance was a. scared of them and b. allergic to them... and c. didn't want the mess of them in the house.
I miss having pets but I made my c... (read in full...)
Had a great date last night but now this... shall I just forget it?
Q. So i went on a date last night with a lovely girl. We met on a dating site and i went to pick her up and met her parents so they knew i wasn't going to kill her and dump her body in a ditch somewhere. She was telling me that she had some pretty ...
A. 29 August 2012: you've had ONE date how in the world can you be sure after ONE date?
FWIW I dated a little person back in high school... I was before my time I guess...
... (read in full...)
Text Hi I suffer from an obsessive compulsive disorder which has begun to strain my relationship..
Q. Hi I suffer from an obsessive compulsive disorder which has begun to strain my relationship.. I don't like anyone using my bathroom,I'm very particular about that,and yesterday my boyfriend used it and we go into a huge fight,I can't share stuff li...
A. 29 August 2012: Does your therapist think you will benefit from any of the meds out there to help control OCD???
My fiance is OCD... i just roll with the punches.....
if your BOYFRIEND cannot accept that your illness is part of you (and it is an illnes... (read in full...)
What's with men and the way they talk about girls?
Q. My boyfriends best friend was coming home for the first time,I have never met this guy and I wanted to create a good impression cuz he is my boyfriends best friend..so I woke up made lunch,cleaned the place..and then his friend came over we had ...
A. 29 August 2012: no he was paying you a compliment honey... it was not meant to be disrespectful at all...not after he asked if she was the one..
he's jealous... my fiance had the same conversation with a friend of his who got a gf and he kept asking "is she ... (read in full...)
Can someone please tell me what has religion got to do with marriage??
Q. Can someone please tell me what has religion got to do with marriage?? I'm indian and I find it so wierd in my community people see this religion as an important factor its ridiculous.. My cousin whose hindu liked this muslim guy they dint get ma...
A. 29 August 2012: If I was religious and it mattered to me, then yes religion matters. I am not religious... most of my friends are not either... if you are religious then you care and you tend to hang out with other religious folks...
the old saying is "... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have a really good relationship with your mother-in-law?
Q. Hello everyone. So... my husband is often abroad for work. I lost my mom to cancer a couple of years ago. Since day 1 I've bonded with my mother in law whom I consider like a mother and a best friend. So, while my husband is abroad I often (say, on...
A. 29 August 2012: sounds lovely to me. my last MIL was only 8 years older than I am and we were great friends.
I'm 52 and one of my best friends is 32 she has a new baby and I call her my "quasi grandbaby"....
I don't think it's creepy at all... I ... (read in full...)
Too Close For My Comfort
Q. I need advice. My 24 year old stepdaughter moved in with us. She quit a perfectly good job and came home. She doesn't clean up, she doesn't pay rent, she generally acts like she is still a child instead of the grown woman she is. My problem and...
A. 29 August 2012: I think it's weird too. I'm a daughter and after about 14 I did not want to be close to my dad... even now at 52 when I hug and kiss him I make sure it's cheeks and "friendly" hugs not anything remotely intimate.
I feel weird if daddy kisses m... (read in full...)
My parents cannot accept that I want to marry a divorced guy
Q. I'm 26; in love with a guy who is a divorcee and has a kid whose custody is with his ex. And i have absolutely no issues with that. He loves me as well. We've been together over 2 years now. The problem being my parents. I've told them the truth as...
A. 29 August 2012: your parents will hopefully get over it...
here in the states it's not a big issue.
personally at your age living your life to please your parents is very over rated.
if your parents don't approve, then you have to accept that a court ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a guy but he still has his dating profile up and says he is single!
Q. Okay so this is gone and past and i am completely over it but i was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years.. i moved in with him and gave everything to this guy and was honest and true to him and he had another girl for 1 year and a half of it and ...
A. 29 August 2012: if it's been nearly 3 months then you can ask him about it...
if he's not ready to take it down then there is not a lot you can do.
he may not feel as strongly as you do or as you want him to.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's future stepmom complains all the time. And seems to dress inappropriately for her age. Is she after my boyfriend?
Q. I need advice! So, my boyfriend's stepmom just came here recently from another country about two days ago and she's already complaining about america (She will also be getting citizenship through this marriage, so I still don't know why she comp...
A. 29 August 2012: Old enough to be a grandma here (my kids are just not cooperating).... I wear heels, short skirts, makeup, nice hair and look pretty hot for my age...
1. she's not after your bf who is like a child to her trust me...
2. you need to settle d... (read in full...)
Tattoos of each other's names. Now we've split up, should I get mine covered?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have recently split up we both have tattoos of each others names I booked to have mine covered over but they can't do it til after Christmas my ex is having a tattoo done Christmas time when I asked him is he having my tattoo ...
A. 28 August 2012: get it covered. I had a tatt done when I was married and we broke up and I don't have his name but I have a picture that alludes to him and my current fiance has asked me to cover it...
it's been stressful for us trying to find a tatt artist ... (read in full...)
Husband thinks swinging can save our marriage
Q. I split up from my husband about three years ago, as he was cold, disinterested in me or our son, and refused to give me any housekeeping. I started a very romantic affair with a guy, got myself a rented house where my son and I were happy. My new ...
A. 28 August 2012: SWINGING does NOT fix a broken marriage.
now if you can handle POLYAMORY (and your bf and husband can deal with it) then investigate that...
My story:
I was a swinger in my last marriage. It was what lead me to finding another man t... (read in full...)
He wants me to change my title from Mrs to Ms. Should I, and how do I do it?
Q. My husband is very keen and really wants me to change my title from Mrs. to Ms. He says it is much more sexy. What do others think about this, as I am fairly OK with it, but not totally sure. How would I go about effecting this change? ...
A. 28 August 2012: are you changing your prefix or will you legally change your name to MsMaureen...
there's something more going on here...
... (read in full...)
Week after we broke up she was sexually active with a new guy. What does this say about how she cares about me?
Q. My girlfriend and I share a child together, and had plans on becoming married. Later in our relationship I cheated on her by conversing with other females when things weren't going good between us. When we got into an argument and I pushed her and ...
A. 28 August 2012: it says NOTHING about how she cares about you...
you cheated
you drank
you attacked her (even once is too much for sane rational women to accept)
... (read in full...)
How can I act, behave, appear, present and seem as if I am a virgin for the man I love who I am about to marry?
Q. i used to have sex with my two boyfriends in the past but i stopped with all this stuff from last four months as i got engaged to a guy who loves me a lot and treats me like a princess. We are going to get married soon but he doesn't know my past ...
A. 28 August 2012: you should not lie to him... it will only end up very very badly....
if he asked you should have told him the truth
do not lie....
... (read in full...)
Is he starting to realize what hes missing?
Q. My ex and I just started being friends again after two months of not talking after he ended our complicated relationship for another girl. We've hung out three times this week. We're both graffiti artists so the other two days we'd paint and he'd ...
A. 27 August 2012: there are "friends" there is "friendly" and there is civil
I am friendly with most of my exs. I am civil with all. I am NOT friends with any ex...
doesn't matter if he's realizing what he lost... it's gone to him...... (read in full...)
He wants me to change my title from Mrs to Ms. Should I, and how do I do it?
Q. My husband is very keen and really wants me to change my title from Mrs. to Ms. He says it is much more sexy. What do others think about this, as I am fairly OK with it, but not totally sure. How would I go about effecting this change? ...
A. 27 August 2012: just start using MS.
I personally hate the term Ms. and even though my fiance and I are getting married in a few weeks and I'll be using my "maiden name" as he's taking my name I still plan to go by MRS.. funny thing my fiance already ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a serial cheater but I love him. Is it time to place my dignity above love?
Q. The first two time I caught my boyfriend cheating on me, he apologised and begged me not to leave. After two years, I feel that he's getting bored with me. I just caught him cheating on me again. I love him very much. Should I place my dignity obove ...
A. 27 August 2012: you should leave
you won't
you will stay till either he dumps you for someone else
or you can't bear the pain of his lying cheating ways any more.
are you enjoying the great sex with the women he's sleeping with behind your back ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is on chat rooms, dating sites and looks at porn
Q. im in a long term relationship, im sort of happy but my man keeps looking at porn and going on chat rooms and has put himselth on dateing sites. he will hide what he is doing on the laptop by clicking of iit when i stand up or go near it. I on...
A. 27 August 2012: if you don't want to leave him then you have to not care.
he's a cheater
he's a liar
and he's doing it right in front of you knowing that he owns your ass darling.
I agree that porn is not the problem but the dating sites, chats and the lie... (read in full...)
How can we break the habit of having sex so much?
Q. Okay, so I've been with this guy for a 1.5 years, and we lost our virginities to each other about 4 months into our relationship. We're both Christians, and have often said we need to stop having sex - it can be up to 3 times in one day, and eve...
A. 27 August 2012: why do you need to stop having sex?... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend cheap or am I being unreasonable?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now - and i think reality is really just hitting I used to gush about how perfect he is in every way – and I think the honeymoon is now over. One of my issues that I want to ask about, is regarding ...
A. 27 August 2012: you live together.
in my opinion any couple that lives together needs to have budget.
in my opinion if you are close enough to live together you are close enough to combine all your funds. what's mine is yours what's yours is mine and ev... (read in full...)
He's engaged, his fiancé is pregnant, but WE have feelings for each other. What should I do?
Q. I have a friend who is engaged to be married but is very unhappy in his relationship. We have recently discovered that we have strong feelings for eachother. The issue is his fiancee is 5 months pregnant (unplanned). We would never act on those ...
A. 27 August 2012: he does not need to marry a woman who is pregnant with his child to put the baby first...
my take on this:
YOU need to extract yourself totally 100% from this mess.
LET him figure out what to do with the fiance (my advice is NOT to marr... (read in full...)
I love my wife but I am not sure I can live with her because of her slovenly habits
Q. I have been married for 20 years and each year my frustration grows. The basis of my frustration involves seemingly insignificant things which, over time, grow into issues for me. Let me give three examples: 1) Laundry My wife does not ...
A. 27 August 2012: Does your wife have ADHD or something like that... she sounds a lot like me..
you've put up with this for 20 plus years... it's going to be hard to get her to change..
i too could go not doing laundry weekly just when I needed it... my ADHD th... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend is a professional liar and cheat. How do I tell both new ladies about each other, without leading back to me?
Q. I am an ex of boyfriend who is professional liar and cheater... I left him after 18 months, but then I was shocked to accidently find secret accounts, dating site membership. Membership to secret email...(he left his IPAD open accidently in bathroom...
A. 27 August 2012: why do you want to tell them? to make them stop so you can have him... they won't and you can't.
to make them stop and not get hurt, they won't stop and will get hurt...
to hurt them... they won't believe you...
they won't care... it w... (read in full...)
Is this the end for me and my BF?
Q. Dear all, Your opinions would be welcome. Things have not been too good with me and my BF of late, and we had a bit of a bad evening about two and a half weeks ago, and I told him that I am not really getting anything out of the relationship etc...
A. 27 August 2012: you two need to stop playing games.
if he asked you to call and you didn't and yet said you would you are just as guilty of game playing as he is.
if you want him gone, then make him gone.
... (read in full...)
How do I convince my brother to give up on being a lawyer?
Q. My brother wants to be a lawyer I doubt that he can become a lawyer because he did so poorly in highschool. No one in the family has ever become a lawyer or doctor so why does he even try He signed up for community college. He study's all da...
A. 27 August 2012: Wow with family like you who needs enemies.
Let your brother try.
don't be a negative nellie...
everybody needs dreams and goals..
what are yours?... (read in full...)
Dad does not know if we are sexually active. But if Dad turns him in, will there be consequences if we were sexually active? My mom does not mind.
Q. I am currently 15 years old and I'm dating a 21 year old I've known for 3 and a half years, we've been together for 6 months and my mom approves but my father doesnt. if my dad tries to turn him in will it work since Mom approves and he doesnt know...
A. 27 August 2012: If dad WISELY turns him in he will go to jail if you are sexually active.
you are a child.
your mom is an enabler and when you get older you will realize how she's NOT protecting you by allowing this predator to be with you.
your mother app... (read in full...)
Would you accept the money or would I be taking advantage of my position as a soon-to-be-wife?
Q. Hey everyone :) My mother passed away a few months ago leaving me a tiny apartment. The law in my country is such that I need to pay a heck of a lot of money in taxes in order to get hold of that apartment and a very high yearly tax in order to...
A. 27 August 2012: My fiance before we had a wedding date, paid off all my debt... it was his choice. I did not wish it... I even told him not to but his statement was I want US to be fee of debt.
In a committed relationship it's not his money, my money it's OUR... (read in full...)
Is he not into sex because he's aware of what is going on around him?
Q. Hey, silly question. The other day I was having sex with my fiancé and right in the middle of the action he noticed my head was banging against the wall - nothing major, really, I could just feel the wall touching my head... I wasn't hurt or ...
A. 27 August 2012: gawd if my head was banging against the wall my man BETTER stop what he's doing I don't care if he's 2 seconds from exploding.... MY comfort comes first... that's LOVE honey...
... (read in full...)
How you heard of a long distance marriage? Do they work out?
Q. Hello! So, I'm going to have to move away for work for three years. My soon to be beloved husband and I have been discussing this and we've figured out we'll be able to meet 10 days a month on average (between his days off and mine), plus three ...
A. 27 August 2012: 3 years… so very doable.
I just finished a years LDR… we were two hours apart by car and we moved together after a year. OUR friends who are getting married September 15th are also 2 hours apart by car… and he does not drive. (they are 40 and 5... (read in full...)
Is this the end for me and my BF?
Q. Dear all, Your opinions would be welcome. Things have not been too good with me and my BF of late, and we had a bit of a bad evening about two and a half weeks ago, and I told him that I am not really getting anything out of the relationship etc...
A. 22 August 2012: He's acting like a spoiled child who can't get their way.
Therapy is called for... are you serious enough with this man to invest time and money in therapy to try to fix this?
You told him you are not getting anything out of the relationship ... (read in full...)
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