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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I hurt my FWB's feelings by talking to another girl. Did I cross boundaries?
Q. My friend with benefits is not happy with me after she found out that I was speaking to a mutual female acquaintance. I am not interested romantically in this other woman at all. The conversation was about music related activities that we both have ...
A. 2 September 2012: I think that you two need to sit down and clarify what's going on...
you have very deep feelings for her and want her for a GF but clearly she pushes you away.
sleeping with her just muddies the water.
my advice... UNTIL you two ca... (read in full...)
I hurt my FWB's feelings by talking to another girl. Did I cross boundaries?
Q. My friend with benefits is not happy with me after she found out that I was speaking to a mutual female acquaintance. I am not interested romantically in this other woman at all. The conversation was about music related activities that we both have ...
A. 2 September 2012: Yeah I think we have to clarify if she is your FWB or your girlfriend because those are two different things...... (read in full...)
He offered me sex instead of a relationship!
Q. Should I be insulted that a guy Ive liked for a while has asked me to be his FWB or 'fuck buddy'? He says he doesnt want a relationship but wants to be more than friends. Im shocked and dont know what to say! Im 29 and hes 28, Im looking for a ...
A. 2 September 2012: should you be insulted...
well that depends on if you mind that your good enough to have sex with but not good enough to have a relationship with...
or if you understand that folks have needs and he likes you but doesn't like you ENOUGH ... (read in full...)
I hurt my FWB's feelings by talking to another girl. Did I cross boundaries?
Q. My friend with benefits is not happy with me after she found out that I was speaking to a mutual female acquaintance. I am not interested romantically in this other woman at all. The conversation was about music related activities that we both have ...
A. 1 September 2012: FWB means FRIENDS with benefits... not causal boyfriend/girlfriend.
YOU did nothing wrong.
Are you sure you are using the right term because it sure sounds like a jealous GIRLFRIEND... and if you don't want her to be thinking she is your... (read in full...)
This older married woman is giving me mixed signals. Do I persist or finish the relationship?
Q. hi, well i made friends with this woman who is older then me. we got really close. She is married but they dont get on at all i never get a straight answer from her. One day she is ok, saying 'I love you' then next she just doesn't seem to ...
A. 1 September 2012: are you ok being party to a woman who is a liar and a cheat and helping her do so?
I"m sorry but if a person is unhappy in their marriage they either need to fix the marriage, leave the marriage or open the marriage...
IF she is not going to ... (read in full...)
My instructor touched me when I don't think he needed to, what does it mean?
Q. I'm sorry this is terribly wrong, but I need help... every time I meet him at the corridor or out of college, he will raise his eyebrows twice,lowers his eyelids and smile, there, he did it again today. The way he raises his eyebrows are som...
A. 1 September 2012: I think he picks up on your discomfort (because it sounds to me like you are very very VERY uncomfortable around this man in general) and that he's teasing you with it...... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I want to try different positions, any suggestions?
Q. I’m tall and my boyfriend is short. Both my boyfriend and I enjoy having sex and are willing to try different positions, other than me on top and missionary! got any suggestions?? ...
A. 1 September 2012: pick up a copy of an illustrated Kama Sutra... most book stores will have a copy.... lots of fun things to figure out in the book...... (read in full...)
Question about the chances of getting pregnant from sex immediately after period
Q. What are the chances of getting pregnant when you have sex immediately after period? And when does ovulation usually happen?...
A. 31 August 2012: YOU REALLY need to learn more about your body if you are having sex.
there is ALWAYS a chance of getting pregnant if you have sex. unprotected or otherwise.
as for ovulation...
a woman has an average 28 day cycle. if your cycle is dif... (read in full...)
We've been together three years but things aren't moving forward
Q. We get on great but my boyfriend says he can't take time off this year (or last year) as he needs to work on his hobby car which he has completely stripped down and spent a few thousand on. All his spare time and money are dedicated to his hobby. ...
A. 31 August 2012: It's not progressing because he does not wish it to progress.
He's happy the way it is...
I can't improve on what Ciar said.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend tried a new toy with me but neither of us knows what it is called
Q. Dear cupid, So, I feel kind of awkward and not very smart asking this question, buuut here goes...lol. I had sex with my guy last night, and before we got started, he slipped this little band of rubber around the base of his penis. It was pr...
A. 31 August 2012: sounds like a cock ring... (read in full...)
Should I accept that I may not be able to lose my extra pregnancy weight?
Q. I'm 27 years old, and I just had my first child, well, not just almost a year ago. I m not nursing anymore and droped about 15 lb since I had my daughter. I m 5.4 and I weigh about 135-137 lb. Everyone around me tells me how beatifull I look and...
A. 31 August 2012: Sweetie... you sound perfect weight and body wise now.
women are supposed to have curves and a bit of a tummy....
your husband probably thinks you are hotter now than ever before. I can tell you that my fiance was too thin when we met and ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my mom want me to sleep in the nude?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I'm a 14 year old girl. I like to sleep in the nude but my mom doesn't want me to. She never gives me a reason, she just objects. I started sleeping naked over the summer when it's super comfortable. What would she find wrong o...
A. 31 August 2012: couple of thoughts here
1. as a woman who has slept nude in the past... i now prefer just a ribbed knit tank top.... close to nude but some coverings.... so maybe that could be compromise you come up with???
2. as a mom who raised sons, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's wife passed away awhile ago but I feel I will always come second to her.
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and believe me when I say that I do love him with all of my heart there is no one else that I would rather be with but my problem is,I know that there is someone else that he would rather ...
A. 31 August 2012: ok until he is ready to get rid of her personal things, he's not ready..
I helped my dad pack up my mom's stuff... the next month (only 3 months later) he met the woman he is still with. My mom died in 1995.....
BTW we were grown so ... (read in full...)
My guy friend hasn't been responding to my text messages
Q. My best friend (who is a guy) lives in a diffrent city than I do. We used to text and Skype regularly for hours at a time. But now he's not texting back and he's ignoring my Skype calls. The other day he texted me back, saying "sorry can't ta...
A. 31 August 2012: yeah men with girlfriends tend to drop their female friends who they thought they could be more with.
when my ex hubby and i got serious and he told all his LD friends (female) that he was with a woman now 50% of then ended the friendship and he w... (read in full...)
I won't give him up but my family doesn't like my guy
Q. Hi all. First of all, I'm a European girl who is still 16 but knows what she really wants. For 3 weeks, I've been dating a guy which is black. I'm extremely in love with him. We love eachother so much. We're so made for eachother but my family WON'T ...
A. 31 August 2012: Honey if you are 17 and he is 23… that’s 6 years… if you are 16 that’s 7 years he should wait till you are 18…. The gap between 16/17 and over 19 is HUGE…. Later on it’s not such a big deal but right now it’s HUGE…
ARE you a practici... (read in full...)
Should I keep my promise to her that we will just be friends?
Q. I recently began college and during orientation over the summer I met this girl. We'll call her Jenny. Jenny and I got know each other pretty well and over time I developed a crush on her. After orientation we became facebook friends but I was too ...
A. 31 August 2012: Tell her the truth...
at your age she will probably not stay with the BF but she may for a few years...
keeping your feelings to yourself will just make it worse
tell her how you really feel, that you respect her relationship and tha... (read in full...)
Does he fancy me?
Q. I have known this guy for over a year. The first time I met him I was with my partner. Infront of me, while looking at me he said to my partner, "She's lovely isn't she? She's a lovely girl isn't she?". He even kissed me on the lips infront of him. ...
A. 31 August 2012: does it matter if a married man fancys you?
why?... (read in full...)
Regarding her expenses, what should I do?
Q. I really need all the advice I can get regarding my relationship. First off I'm lesbian, and my girlfriend and I have been together a little over two years. I love her and am in love with her. My love language is being there emotionally, physically, ...
A. 31 August 2012: you are "the first national bank of my girlfriend will give me anything" to her.
if you cut out the funds as she says she has savings (and I'm betting she has no cash anywhere) what happens... if she gets mean, or nasty or your not happy....
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's cheating ex is coming over to stay with her and I'm not cool with it!
Q. Please help?! I met this girl a few months ago on a dating website. Anyway I totally fell for her. I'm in love with her. She totally blew me away. However there has been a few situations. Please let me explain. I have on 3 separate occasions c...
A. 31 August 2012: not over reacting at all...
personally if it was me I would say Sure your ex can come visit US.
if she wants to keep you and the ex separate... she's got ulterior motives with the ex.... (read in full...)
My ex now flirts with me and claims he married his new wife for the wrong reasons
Q. im 23 years old and a single mom. my sons father and i didnt work out because we had a lot of resentment towards each other during the pregnancy. now that we have gone through court and its been a few years for us to mature some we realize the mist...
A. 31 August 2012: I love Abella's comment... and she's right
you keep contact with him ONLY about your child.... NOTHING more....
and you tell him WHEN his divorce is FINAL (not he's moved out or she's left or they have FILED) from his current wife, you wi... (read in full...)
My best friend is jealous of my male friend and now she's ignoring me
Q. Hi readers. My best friend of 2 years is now becoming jealous of me and my guy friend. She's very dramatic and sensitive and Ive dealt with it all our relationship. She's known him longer than I have but this past summer we really became friendly...
A. 31 August 2012: why are you hanging out and texting a boy you don't like?... (read in full...)
I won't give him up but my family doesn't like my guy
Q. Hi all. First of all, I'm a European girl who is still 16 but knows what she really wants. For 3 weeks, I've been dating a guy which is black. I'm extremely in love with him. We love eachother so much. We're so made for eachother but my family WON'T ...
A. 31 August 2012: THREE WEEKS.... (not very long at all)
WE LOVE EACH OTHER (do you now? really? tell me how you know this is love)
HE WORKS in CATERING (busing tables or such?)
He doesn't have money which doesn't affect me. (well it doesn't at 16 b... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship, money and losing interest
Q. I'm 19 in a relationship with a 17 year old for just over a month. I know its not long, but she has gotten really serious very fast so I feel like I've accidentally made a larger commitment than I had hoped. I've met her whole family (extended and ...
A. 31 August 2012: You will hurt her if you break up but you will hurt her more in the long run if you stay with her and leave later when angry...
Basically you just have to bite the bullet and tell her, I'm going to college, money is tight, maybe it's better ... (read in full...)
I can't get over the fear he will leave me for someone younger.
Q. Hi! I am 39 yrs old and my bf is 22. Among the all the suitors I had, he had been the most determined that's the reason I chose him. I know someday he will be leaving me for a much younger lady. This fear keeps haunting me every time I look at him. ...
A. 31 August 2012: with all due respect to Serpico, he makes it sound like men in general are so shallow as to leave women the second they get a sag or a wrinkle...
yes men are more visual than women but I do know that a man in love sees beauty where none is.... (read in full...)
Relationship is going down hill, after boyfriends comment about my weight!!
Q. Good day! Well what I am asking is down to this situation here me and my boyfriend of 8 month have decided to take a break after a long argument that blew the holiday to pieces. About a month ago we had wonderful holidays together. whiles watchi...
A. 31 August 2012: should I give him an ultimatum? you ask.
well are you willing to accept the consequences of it?
if you say "shit or get off the pot" and he leaves are you ok with that?
if you are, what I would say is this:
"I love you (if yo... (read in full...)
Can we help determine the sex of a baby by the position we have sex in?
Q. Ok guys . I hope you can help me. My husband wants a little girl. Right know we have 3 boys. My mother in law and her sisters told me to do all the work in bed. My husband should just lay there while im on top. Is that true? Apparently according to ...
A. 31 August 2012: What I learned… boy sperm swim faster, girl sperm live longer…. (basically that’s how it was taught to me)
So that if you want to have a girl you need to have sex 2 days before you ovulate,
To know when it’s coming you need to chart… you c... (read in full...)
22 Great Articles from Great Aunts and Uncles on this site. Can you add to the list? Do you have a favourite article on DearCupid?
Q. Articles written by other Aunts and Uncles on DearCupid. Which ones are your personal favourites and which ones helped you the most? I often find it hard to find the best articles on DearCupid. I know there are some great articles on the site, bu...
A. 31 August 2012: AWESOME resource Abella! ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when I'm not sure its mine?
Q. Should i tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when i'm not sure its mine? I have a grIfriend right now, she became my girlfriend in february, when my ex found out that i have a girlfriend, a few days after, she told me that she was 1 month pregnant and ...
A. 30 August 2012: if the mother was one month pregnant in February that baby was not due for a couple of months and there is NO WAY it would be home after a week....
I would be proactive and get a lawyer and demand a DNA test IMMEDIATELY.... if they give you... (read in full...)
I have made conflicting plans with two different friends, what do I do?
Q. So me and my friend (friend A) were talking about going on holiday next year as we will be 18 and we can finally go away without parents, However one of my other friends (friend B) has asked me to go away with her and 9 others next year too, and i ...
A. 30 August 2012: ah so I am betting you mentioned your plans with friend A to friend B who then reminded you about it?
if you are 17 and you promised this at 15, and the trip is planned for age 18, I personally would think that friend B brought it up out of jealo... (read in full...)
Boyfriend seeing the first girl he slept with?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 1 year. He has recently started playing tennis with the first girl he ever slept with (they never dated, it was a one night thing). Its been making me quite uncomfortable, they've played a few times this week....
A. 30 August 2012: ah so is he teaching you to play tennis better?
perhaps you can all play together?
... (read in full...)
I'm not depressed but I feel so numb!
Q. For the last few years i've felt incredibly numb and emotionaless, i'm not depressed, i'm genuinly a happy person, but I feel like I dont really have any emotions when it comes to major things in my life. I started feeling like this when the pe...
A. 30 August 2012: actually I think you are depressed. ..
NUMB is depressed honey...
two babies in a few years.. see the doctor about some medication to help balance you out and see if it improves.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend seeing the first girl he slept with?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 1 year. He has recently started playing tennis with the first girl he ever slept with (they never dated, it was a one night thing). Its been making me quite uncomfortable, they've played a few times this week....
A. 30 August 2012: Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity... what do you feel insecure about with this girl?
have you asked him what's up with it?
do you play tennis?... (read in full...)
How do I get closure and stop the wrestling of unanswered questions in my mind
Q. my bf of almost two years has been cheating on me and i just recently found out. i only give one strike and he blew it out the park.. I'm confused. i don't know if i should be sad or angry. i just need closure .. i doubt he'll tell the truth when i ...
A. 30 August 2012: "I don't know if I should be sad or angry"
there is no SHOULD
you are what you are
as it is sad AND angry works for me...
you were betrayed.
you were lied to
your trust in human nature and your judgement of others DESTROYED by this ma... (read in full...)
How can I control my urges? They're driving me crazy!
Q. Hi, I am 22 year old virgin male , who has a high sex drive. Is it wrong, all I seem to do is maturbate but it doesn't work. Every time I' am out, can't stop looking at girls, But feel weird because I look at breasts and other areas like Thier bums ...
A. 30 August 2012: gawd you sound so very, well, NORMAL!
a young healthy man who looks at girls breasts and bums...
sounds to me like you have it under control unless you are leering at them or making it very obvious that you are staring at them...
You ... (read in full...)
Lately I've been getting thicker and lots more discharge than I'd normally get. Is this normal?
Q. Hey Agony Aunts/Uncles, Basically, over the past couple of weeks I've been getting thicker and lots more discharge than I'd normally get. I know I've not got an STI because I haven't had sex since I was last given the all clear for any infectio...
A. 30 August 2012: oh I strongly agree that it's not an STD I meant... yeast or vaginosis possibly.
but also my friend had 3 periods (normal ones) and found out she was nearly 4 months pregnant...... (read in full...)
Am I a bad person because I don't want things to change in our relationship regarding his kids?
Q. I need some advice on what to do. My bf of 2 years has 2 kids just starting their teenage years, which I have been through already and not sure if I can do it again. When we first got together we had them every other w/e and occasionally other ...
A. 30 August 2012: if the children will be with you more than they were, then his support to her should be reduced. but not eliminated UNLESS the kids are split 50/50 time wise and mom and dad make the same amount of money (or close to it) not including what ... (read in full...)
Tightness of a virgin, truth or myth?
Q. OK, I have often wondered about this. I have never been with a virgin but have always wondered if I am missing out. My wife was VERY inexperienced when we got together. 2 guys a total of 3 times.Not sure she could feel any tighter when we first ...
A. 30 August 2012: none at all IMO and experience.
I'm 52 I've been sexually active since 14 3 prior husbands...sex partners in the 100s... 2 kids by c-section
there are times my smaller than average fiance can't enter me...it's too tight...
I thi... (read in full...)
Lately I've been getting thicker and lots more discharge than I'd normally get. Is this normal?
Q. Hey Agony Aunts/Uncles, Basically, over the past couple of weeks I've been getting thicker and lots more discharge than I'd normally get. I know I've not got an STI because I haven't had sex since I was last given the all clear for any infectio...
A. 30 August 2012: sounds like an infection... time to call the doctor...
... (read in full...)
I had 12 sexual partners in the 4 years prior to my steady relationship. Is that bad? And why did a doctor conclude my relationship wasn't monogamous without asking?
Q. Yesterday I had my annual, I was expecting to get on the Mirena (birth control IUD that last 5 years) but when the dr came back she said that I couldn't get it because I'm not a good candidate for it, being as its for people who are in monogamous ...
A. 30 August 2012: my GP insists on giving me the condom speech every time I see her... I'm 52 and engaged.
last time I saw her I told her this and she said "unless you are married you get the condom speech"... it's just her practice...
as for the abno... (read in full...)
I have made conflicting plans with two different friends, what do I do?
Q. So me and my friend (friend A) were talking about going on holiday next year as we will be 18 and we can finally go away without parents, However one of my other friends (friend B) has asked me to go away with her and 9 others next year too, and i ...
A. 30 August 2012: do you and friend b still talk about the trip?
... (read in full...)
I told him I'd give him time to sort things out, but how much time do I give him?
Q. I've know this guy for about a year and a half. I've always had a crush on him and kinda felt a vibe from his as well. But he had a gf so other than talking, we never did anything more. He is no longer with this girlfriend anymore and we finally ...
A. 30 August 2012: I agree with Ciar... you give him as much time as he needs... meanwhile YOU get on with your life and forget about him.
IF and WHEN he's ready he knows where to find you.
if he's not ready he means "i'm not ready to be with YOU"
it might... (read in full...)
I can't get over the fear he will leave me for someone younger.
Q. Hi! I am 39 yrs old and my bf is 22. Among the all the suitors I had, he had been the most determined that's the reason I chose him. I know someday he will be leaving me for a much younger lady. This fear keeps haunting me every time I look at him. ...
A. 30 August 2012: How do you know he will leave you?
my fiance is 39 and i'm 52 and i know he's not going anywhere ever...... (read in full...)
I really love him but I feel humiliated in this relationship.
Q. Hi.. I am in a long-distance relationship with a guy for last 15 months. I have met him thrice and thought he is my soul-mate. But things have completely changed now. I really love him but I feel humiliated in this relation. He always criticises me. ...
A. 30 August 2012: if you ignore him he starts ruining his life...
why is what he does after you try to leave a relationship with him your problem... that's emotional blackmail.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when I'm not sure its mine?
Q. Should i tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when i'm not sure its mine? I have a grIfriend right now, she became my girlfriend in february, when my ex found out that i have a girlfriend, a few days after, she told me that she was 1 month pregnant and ...
A. 28 March 2012: I would not give her money till she can prove through DNA testing that the baby is yours. Put any money she is asking for away in a separate bank account so that should the child prove to be yours you will have the funds to give her. And let the ... (read in full...)
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