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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is this younger man interested in me or am I imagining things?
Q. Well I am in a little dilemma. I work with this really cool, nice man (he is 32) and I am 42. I know age difference ei. well dilemma is that recently I noticed that he gives me this looks and big smiles often and always compliments me. He usually ...
A. 17 September 2012: First of all you are NOT old. You are probably younger than my Fiancé who is 39… secondly you did not get played.. he had a bit of a flirtation..
I am a massive flirt at work… totally taken but I can see how someone who was ripe for some loving w... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 13 September 2012: Thank you for the update… see it’s less than a week and you are starting to feel a bit better… I promised you time would help… don’t push yourself too hard too fast… with permission to mourn it takes some of the sting out… glad we could help!
... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 8 September 2012: we always give ourselves 6 weeks to mourn and feel lousy and eat ice cream and cry and watch old movies and obsess about him...
after 6 weeks we have to pull up our big girl panties and go on with life.
It will come very very slowly and grad... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or is it all in my head?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend of one year got caught talking and seeing his ex girlfriend about a month ago I talked to Both I them and their just friends nothing happen, I told him that's fine but no more spending time with her. I should come first! But sense ...
A. 7 September 2012: do you need proof?
if his behavior is not acceptable regardless of if he is cheating or not do you need proof to end a relationship that is leaving you unhappy?
you say you love him very much... but why? what about him right now do you lov... (read in full...)
I hate the people I call family. How do you suggest I approach my father and my family? Or do I walk away?
Q. My twin sister's birthday and my birthday was coming up which would cost 10,000 dollars. I told my sister that we should not do the birthday thing, but use the money to do something more productive, since we are the least favored of all our fath...
A. 7 September 2012: You can request that he be equal to all his children all you want… it doesn’t have to happen. You asked “is this fair” and the answer is yeah it’s fair. It’s HIS CHOICE…
We can’t choose our relatives. WE can choose our family and frie... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 7 September 2012: I'm so sorry OP.... it sucks...
remember: LIVING WELL is the BEST revenge... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is lying about who he is out with and where he is going, what is going on?
Q. My boyfriend has been misleading about where he is and who he is with such as what golf course he is at and what tee times he has and who he is with and says that he is at his friends house but I find out later that he is at a bar , what's up with ...
A. 7 September 2012: what's up with him lying to you?
he's got a secret...
what do you two fight about... his drinking? his cheating? his lying?
have you asked him why he's lying?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I have different opinions on working, who is in the wrong here? How do I motivate him?
Q. Hi everyone. Please help with this question. My bofriend is 8 years older than me but we have a huge difference of opinion on working. I work for a salary and almost everyonee in muy company as well as friends and family have the approach that we ...
A. 7 September 2012: oh and I forgot to add YOU can't motivate him to do anything... motivation really has to be internal.
Now, if you say to him, I can't have a relationship with a man who is not working full time and you give him say 30 days to "clean up his act"... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I have different opinions on working, who is in the wrong here? How do I motivate him?
Q. Hi everyone. Please help with this question. My bofriend is 8 years older than me but we have a huge difference of opinion on working. I work for a salary and almost everyonee in muy company as well as friends and family have the approach that we ...
A. 7 September 2012: you are not wrong
you are not uptight.
at 40 adults who are not independently wealthy should be working full time supporting themselves able to care for others if need be.
If you want to build a life with this man you will have to accept that ... (read in full...)
Does she want a relationship?
Q. Okay so there's this girl I have been talking for a while online and we meet and it was great. Well anyways I really liked her and explained to her that we won't be seeing each other for while, so in my desperation I asked her to be my girlfriend. ...
A. 7 September 2012: LDRs suck.... are you sure you want to have an LDR with someone you barely know?
how far apart are you?
... (read in full...)
I threw my husband out due to our arguing disturbing my very sick mother. Is there a way to make things right again? Or move on?
Q. hi guys im in need of some advice and would love some help with this situation . going back 6 months ago i found out that my mum had breast cancer which was a major shock to the system however my two sisters and I have helped her through her ops ...
A. 7 September 2012: you have been through so much...I am glad you are getting bereavement counseling..... I lost my mom years ago and it's painful to lose a parent... and mourn another who is ill.
would your hubby go to couples counseling with you?
... (read in full...)
Is this younger man interested in me or am I imagining things?
Q. Well I am in a little dilemma. I work with this really cool, nice man (he is 32) and I am 42. I know age difference ei. well dilemma is that recently I noticed that he gives me this looks and big smiles often and always compliments me. He usually ...
A. 7 September 2012: have you come out and asked him if he has a girlfriend?
if not, then what's the issue? some folks keep their private life out of the office...
if you weren't interested in him as a romantic partner it wouldn't bug you would it?
... (read in full...)
I hate the people I call family. How do you suggest I approach my father and my family? Or do I walk away?
Q. My twin sister's birthday and my birthday was coming up which would cost 10,000 dollars. I told my sister that we should not do the birthday thing, but use the money to do something more productive, since we are the least favored of all our fath...
A. 7 September 2012: yep it's fair honey... just because you are a child does not mean that as an adult daddy owes you anything.
In my world, my FAMILY are the people I CHOOSE to be with.
my RELATIVES are the folks I am blood related to.
just walk away ... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 6 September 2012: 040392611401
You give it as long as you are willing to wait. A week? 2 Weeks.
IF I was supposedly SERIOUS with a guy and I didn’t call him and he didn’t’ call to check on me after 3 days I’d figure I was not that important to him. But tha... (read in full...)
Why do guys stare at me or laugh/smile when they see me?
Q. there are a group of guys in my school and i never talk to them. its like everytime i walk by they stare at me and whisper, i have same classes with couples of em, and i know everytime i walk into the classroom and no matter what im doing, they ...
A. 6 September 2012: not blown here honey check your settings.
FWIW Cerberus posted the only link.... (read in full...)
Should I get the gastric bypass surgery done?
Q. I'm 16 almost 17, I have always been overweight and at this time in my life I think I'm ready to move forward and start working to lose my weight. I'm in the 300s and I'd really love to lose this. I know people are going to say your young and w...
A. 6 September 2012: Person12345 said: “A gastric bypass is VERY serious surgery and should be a last resort if nothing else is working”
She is 100% correct. It’s not magic nor is it easy nor is it the first try. It’s the very last resort…. That’s why at 16/17 I ... (read in full...)
Should I get the gastric bypass surgery done?
Q. I'm 16 almost 17, I have always been overweight and at this time in my life I think I'm ready to move forward and start working to lose my weight. I'm in the 300s and I'd really love to lose this. I know people are going to say your young and w...
A. 6 September 2012: Cerberus Darling I love you to death and you often have very good advice… in this case you are so far off the mark it’s not funny.
IF I had been able to keep the weight off without RNY I would have. LOSING weight is not the problem… KEEPING it off ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend romantically roleplays with others, would I be wrong to ask her to stop?
Q. Ok so I'm in a rather unique situation right now. I'm in a long distance relationship with my current girlfriend and she is an avid roleplayer on various forums with multiple people. The problem lies whenever she romantically roleplays with someone. ...
A. 6 September 2012: i have very mixed feelings about this. as the partner of an MMO player I get it... as a woman who plays sims online and pretends to kiss others I get it...
as a jealous LDR partner I get that too...
are romantic roles plays mandatory fo... (read in full...)
Can you see why I am so angry? My husband thinks his job will be at stake if he stands up to his supervisor. She sends him texts about her sex life!.
Q. Ok, here's my problem. Been with bf for 5 and a 1/2 yrs, engaged have a little boy together, and boyfriend took on my 3 kids:) He started a new job in jan this year, and seems to like it now he's settled there a bit. His direct supervisor is fem...
A. 6 September 2012: he can't control her only himself.... and he deleted her and she whined and cried so he added her back and didn't tell you and she blocked you and he's complicit in this sham.
if she's his direct supervisor her sex texts are a form of harassmen... (read in full...)
How do I handle my posessive boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone, My boyfriend lately is driving me crazy, he has gotten so possesive, it scares me.. A little background: it took my bf a really long time to ask me out..he is a very good looking man and has easily could sweep any woman off her fe...
A. 6 September 2012: he doesn't trust you... probably because he knows he's not trustworthy..
I find that folks that don't trust without a good reason (i.e. they've caught the partner at something before) usually feel that way because either they had a former partn... (read in full...)
Why do guys stare at me or laugh/smile when they see me?
Q. there are a group of guys in my school and i never talk to them. its like everytime i walk by they stare at me and whisper, i have same classes with couples of em, and i know everytime i walk into the classroom and no matter what im doing, they ...
A. 6 September 2012: it's cause you are in high school and boys in high school can be stupid. (so can girls it's not limited to what sex you are)
you need to ignore it like Honeypie said.
if you don't feed into it... they will stop.. it just takes time...... (read in full...)
How can I study for an exam and attend a wedding that are both in the same month?
Q. Hey everyone, This is not a love related question but you guys are soo sensible I decided to reach out to you.. I have an important exam in december it literally decided my life,and who I will become..but I think my family they don't seem to ca...
A. 6 September 2012: study for one exam
wedding is one day
why are you stressing yourself out about this.
life is not compartmentalized. you can't put things on hold because of other things most of the time.... I wish you could.
IF it's noisy at home.... (read in full...)
Should I get the gastric bypass surgery done?
Q. I'm 16 almost 17, I have always been overweight and at this time in my life I think I'm ready to move forward and start working to lose my weight. I'm in the 300s and I'd really love to lose this. I know people are going to say your young and w...
A. 6 September 2012: oh and I meant to add that ANY good program requires you be psychologically vetted to have the surgery. I did not pass. I have food addictions and i had to work long and hard with the special Barriatric social worker to get approval.
and I... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 6 September 2012: LISTEN TO HIS ACTIONS not his words.
words mean NOTHING.
I have a fiance who NEVER says "I love you" but his actions tell me he loves me more than any man who has ever said it to me over and over.
if he does not contact you... end it...... (read in full...)
Should I get the gastric bypass surgery done?
Q. I'm 16 almost 17, I have always been overweight and at this time in my life I think I'm ready to move forward and start working to lose my weight. I'm in the 300s and I'd really love to lose this. I know people are going to say your young and w...
A. 6 September 2012: I am speaking as someone who will be celebrating my third anniversary of RNY on September 22nd. I was 49 when I had the surgery. I’m not going to say YES to you to have it… I’m going to tell you that there are other options other than RNY. ... (read in full...)
LDR. I think the advice I need is how we stop these little arguments?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been in an LDR for a year and 2 month's now and I love her so much I can't imagine life without her. We always get into argument about the smallest thing, other then that we are amazing together. We do have a plan to close...
A. 6 September 2012: Sweetie, if she doesn't find time to fit you in, then I'm sorry to say she is not as into you as you are to her.
LDR couples make time...
she has zero spare time to talk to you and FORGETS to talk to you?
how do you forget to talk to ... (read in full...)
Abstinence from masturbation before first time sex?
Q. I have visited an escort agency for first time sex and failed miserably to achieve an erection. I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. I have always used straight sex images and softcore porn for inspiration and ...
A. 6 September 2012: in your original post you said :
" I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. "
you are not impotent.... (read in full...)
Is she telling the truth about miscarrying?
Q. A girl i was seeing told me she was pregnant with my child and after stating her reasons she decided to terminate it as she said he wasnt mature enough or financially ready to bring up a child and also since alot of stuff had gone on between us she ...
A. 6 September 2012: do you know what a miscarriage is sometimes called?
SPONTANEOUS abortion.....
same result different method... one man made one nature made...
anyone legally in business for money issues receipts
I'm sorry you wanted her to keep a ch... (read in full...)
What can I say to get him to stop?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend last week, we had the stupidest argument he ignored me for a day and told me he didn't want to see me again. He rang me the next day and I ignored him, I set up my facebook account again because he asked me to delete it ...
A. 6 September 2012: have you blocked him on facebook?
have you blocked his email and his phone numbers?
you don't say ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING
you block and ignore
if he continues then you get an RO
you sound like a couple of teenagers to be honest...
... (read in full...)
B/f said we'd move in together but now he wants a car. I'm ending things because of this!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for two years were both 27yrs old , weve got a great relationship and was going to move in together last year , until i found out he had some debt with his ex , so ive waited a year for all that to clear , we then said we ...
A. 5 September 2012: If you can't afford a home and a car how do you expect to make this work?
"if he really loved me he would want to live with me"
not necessarily... I have friends getting married on September 15 they live 2 hours apart and will continue to... (read in full...)
15 year old pupil is hitting on me - her teacher. Should I report this?
Q. I am in a terribly difficult situation. I have been teaching for 20 years and this is the first I’ve ever had this particular problem. There is a girl in one of my classes; she is very young, 14/15 years old, a child. Now I have had students have ...
A. 5 September 2012: oh good point and look at this: " that nobody liked ‘her’ "
why would an adult male put "her" in quotes...
yeppers... we got played.... (read in full...)
B/f cheated, got her pregnant but says he loves me more. What do I do?
Q. my boyfriend of 3years cheated on me for 3monthes with a girl much younger than me and even got her pregnant. i found out recently from the girl her self. i asked him but at first he was denying later on he told me the truth but he says he loves me ...
A. 5 September 2012: Ok let’s assume you are 21.. so you have been with this man who lied to you and cheated on you since you were 18… the girl he cheated on you with is MUCH younger than you so let’s say she’s 16 . she’s pregnant with HIS baby.
HE DENIED I... (read in full...)
LDR. I think the advice I need is how we stop these little arguments?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been in an LDR for a year and 2 month's now and I love her so much I can't imagine life without her. We always get into argument about the smallest thing, other then that we are amazing together. We do have a plan to close...
A. 5 September 2012: what are you arguing about?
have you met IRL?
how did you meet in the first place?
what do you mean she's not paying attention to you... I Need more details.
if by not paying attention to you, she doesn't call or text or find you onl... (read in full...)
I feel sexually attracted to men but not emotionally or romantically at all. Is this because of hormonal imbalance?
Q. I am a 15 year old male and I was wondering if my sexual orientations are due to hormones? I feel sexually attracted to men but not emotionally or romantically at all.. And I am only attracted to some women (usually middle aged) but have emotional ...
A. 5 September 2012: imbalanced hormones are not the cause of sexual orientation.
whatever sexual orientation you have is probably from birth..
WE all have the capacity to love and be sexual with anyone... it's not as black and white as many would like us to be... (read in full...)
I just want to know how to leave my son's father and be strong enough to never take him back because his lies are getting too much to take.
Q. I just need to get this off my chest and rant a little and hear back from people... I have an 18 month old son. His father and I knew each other for years but weren't in a relationship when I became pregnant. Things weren't great while I was preg...
A. 5 September 2012: you can't fix broken honey and this was broken from the beginning.
the only reason you two are trying to make it work is because you have a child together...
better to end it now and not pretend it's going to work in the long run.
Kids a... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 5 September 2012: Honey if you are not happy with how things are you have to make the changes... IF you want him to call you more than you have to let him call you, that means not calling.
DO NOT be sitting around waiting for him to call however, get out and ... (read in full...)
Should I pack my bags and leave? He has been really depressed about his mom's passing and he is pushing me away
Q. Well I've asked a few question on this site I'm still a bit confused my question is should I pack my bags and leave? My bf is offering nothing to me I love him dearly but as you know he has no compassion no love nothing he has been really depresse...
A. 5 September 2012: if mom just recently died and his behavior is new...then wait...
if he's always compassionless, loveless and makes you unhappy more than he makes you happy then go.... (read in full...)
Am I being used or Shes really busy?
Q. I recently knew Ms.XXX for 6months.I been asking Ms.XXX if she likes me; but I been getting "I don't know" as answer. Ms.XXX knows i love her and We been going out dining for the few months until Ms.XXX started working as a financial planner....
A. 5 September 2012: she doesn't care about you the way you want her to.
... (read in full...)
How do I help my mother and stepdad?
Q. my stepdad left my mother to be with a girl 25 years younger than him. hes not rich by no means you know not a millionair, but he does makes huge bucks. he met this girl at work she worked in the office and he works as a car sales manager. they have ...
A. 5 September 2012: Why is your mom getting alimony? Is she disabled or a stay at home mom to his kids?
Why does she have to go get it, can’t he mail it to her?
To be honest, he may love the gf… and the fact that she’s 25 years younger does not have much bearin... (read in full...)
What to do? I don't want our relationship to be based on amazing sex
Q. Well me and my baby's dad have crazy sexual chemistry...its off that charts... I just had a baby 3 months ago and don't want anymore for a while. But anyway because of our attraction it seems like we can't even be around each other without havi...
A. 5 September 2012: well what did you do in the 6 weeks after the baby was born and you couldn't have sex?... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my sister-in-law's rude comments?
Q. How can I deal with my sister-in-law's rude comments? I'm still in my second month of marriage and my husband's mother and brother are living with us currently, because they are repairing their home... It's only a matter of a few weeks until they...
A. 5 September 2012: sometimes folks are just negative about everything.
best thing to do: kill her with kindness....
... (read in full...)
Is this younger man interested in me or am I imagining things?
Q. Well I am in a little dilemma. I work with this really cool, nice man (he is 32) and I am 42. I know age difference ei. well dilemma is that recently I noticed that he gives me this looks and big smiles often and always compliments me. He usually ...
A. 5 September 2012: goodness I'm 52 my fiance is 39... after about 30 IMO age is a number... if you are interested in him and think he will be receptive, ask him to go for lunch one day at work..... (read in full...)
How do guys see needy girls? If a girl is very needy will it not matter to a guy if he TRULY loves?
Q. I'm really confused. Two days ago, my LDR ex bf broke up with me. Deep down I know it's mainly because I was being too needy and pushed him too far. I always cry during our skype, complaining he didn't spend enough time online with me, I was e...
A. 5 September 2012: Love does not mean being together 24/7
Love does not mean checking in with every move
To be honest until you fix your own issues finding love is going to be hard.
My current relationship started out as an LDR but we met IRL first and then had... (read in full...)
Is shyness a sign of interest?
Q. What is the meaning if the girl cannot look in your eyes or she is feeling awkward when you are talking to each other? she knows that I like her since 4 years ago but im shy so i cant show it to her. Only now im trying to talk to her. Is being ...
A. 5 September 2012: it's not good or bad.. it's just who she is and who you are...
it may mean she's interested
it may mean she's shy
it may mean a million things...
you have to just be yourself and keep trying as long as you can... or until she makes it cle... (read in full...)
15 year old pupil is hitting on me - her teacher. Should I report this?
Q. I am in a terribly difficult situation. I have been teaching for 20 years and this is the first I’ve ever had this particular problem. There is a girl in one of my classes; she is very young, 14/15 years old, a child. Now I have had students have ...
A. 5 September 2012: you need to report her. she's over the top.
can you request that she be transferred to a different class?
do you think telling her parents about it will help?
WHATEVER happens:
do NOT be alone with this child
keep it very profession... (read in full...)
Abstinence from masturbation before first time sex?
Q. I have visited an escort agency for first time sex and failed miserably to achieve an erection. I am 44 and have always masturbated with no problem and get erections. I have always used straight sex images and softcore porn for inspiration and ...
A. 7 August 2012: I really think after all your posts about this issue that you need to see a good life therapist. An escort cannot fix this problem.
Losing your virginity is not the issue.
You keep saying that your looks prevent you from getting dates bu... (read in full...)
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