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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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It's beyond me. What kind of help does my wife need about her fetish? She seems to want to get sick. I'm at a loss. Does she need help?
Q. I'm 31, my wife's 28, and recently she's developed a new fetish. She's become hooked on getting a stomach-ache having read webforums and sites about 'stomachache fetishes', and eats a lot of rich food in order to get it. She keeps going on a...
A. 25 October 2012: I thought I had heard it all... I've never heard of this.
why would anyone want to give themselves a tummy ache?
and when she gets one what happens? I mean who WANTS to have sex on a full stomach?
Personally if it's not im... (read in full...)
Help! I'm scared. This girl in our group already took over one girl's Bf. Now what can I do? Because I think she's after my Bf.
Q. Hello:) Thanks in advance for your time:) I'm in a relationship, which is going well, and we are both in the same friendship group. All his guy mates, and all my girl mates are all mates! haha, but there is one problem. One of my girl mates...
A. 25 October 2012: no one can be stolen... if they stray it's because THEY wanted to not because a particular person tempted them...... (read in full...)
Do I stay and hope he can contain his love of gambling? Or do I go?
Q. me and boyfriend have been together a year, we now live together and i love him very much. i have a daughter from a previous relationship who he is great with. the problem is he likes to gamble, hes currently awaiting his date to join the army, s...
A. 25 October 2012: I am very forgiving. I forgive all sorts of addictions. Sex, drugs, alcohol... I myself have food and shopping addictions...
Gambling is not one I could forgive if it affected my quality of life... and it would.
We have a friend who is fo... (read in full...)
We want to settle down and have a baby. Getting our finances right to buy not rent is the aim. Have you achieved this goal successfully? How?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for just over 3 years and we really want to get our own place. We don't want to rent as we feel that we will be wasting money paying the rent each month and at the end of it we will have nothing ...
A. 25 October 2012: I had to spend some time figuring the conversions... If I get this right 36k british pound sterling is about 58k US funds.
and then I had this whole long thing typed out and realized I can't speak to it...
we have the types of expenses you guy... (read in full...)
I really like this guy, but he has recently become involved with my friend. What should I do?
Q. I really like this guy, but he and my friend are slightly involved, they're nowhere near official but I know they both like each other, i've recently started speaking to him more, he's amazing, but he and my friend are the same religion and have ...
A. 25 October 2012: you don't take a boy from a friend.
you walk away.
... (read in full...)
I sympathize but he thinks I don't understand him!
Q. Hell everyone, my boyfriend and i love each other. However,there is an issue that we have been facing since we started dating almost a year ago,and i think its getting worse.I need some help with that. I come from a wealthy family ( please ...
A. 25 October 2012: you don't have a clue. I come from a comfortable family.. never had to worry about money... college was covered. my first house downpayment covered... my kids are taken care of for life...
i wanted.. I got.. Europe as a gift trip JUST because.... (read in full...)
I'm scared for my best friend. How can I stop her boy friend from pressuring her to have sex?
Q. My best friend is being convinced by her boyfriend to have sex. I have cried every day trying to convince her the consequences. Her boyfriend says he knows what he is doing but he is only 13. I really need help to try to convince her boyfriend no...
A. 25 October 2012: are they law abiding... or do they do things to break the law.
It would be breaking THE LAW for them to have sex.
He doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend...
and if she is your friend, persuading him not to do it is not the key.. the key ... (read in full...)
Do guys like having their nipples sucked?
Q. Ok I need as much deatil as possible please A time or two I have had guys lick/nibble my ear and I really liked it, but I have never done it to someone else, and I would like to try it out, areas to avoid _________, certain areas only get _______...
A. 25 October 2012: I've been with men who liked it and I've been with men who hated it.
it's going to totally depend on the man...... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife I've been doing penis enlargement exercises?
Q. Should I tell my Wife I've been doing penis enlargement exercises? I was doing them a few years ago and stopped at her request. I finally decided that this is something I want, even if she doesn't want me to. I am small down there and she has had ...
A. 25 October 2012: Well I'm glad you talked to her and you are both happy.
may you continue many years of happiness together.
and doing it for yourself is fine...... (read in full...)
Struggling with my long distance relationship...
Q. I am struggling with a long distance relationship. I adore the guy I am in a relationship with but as a single mother, divorced I feel I miss the contact and emotional closeness when we are apart. We have been together a year and I do most of the ...
A. 24 October 2012: you feel like you are rowing the relationship boat without him.
He's too lazy to initiate the contact. what happens if you don't call him? when my husband and I first met two years ago we were LDR for the first year of the relation... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife I've been doing penis enlargement exercises?
Q. Should I tell my Wife I've been doing penis enlargement exercises? I was doing them a few years ago and stopped at her request. I finally decided that this is something I want, even if she doesn't want me to. I am small down there and she has had ...
A. 24 October 2012: If they truly worked she would notice.
You were doing them and you stopped because she asked you to stop. why do you think that is?
Now you are doing what YOU want because YOU want it (and think it necessary)
"I am small down there and she... (read in full...)
Have we grown apart since we were young when we met?
Q. I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 4 years, and I turn 21 next month, he is already 21. Sometimes when I spend time with him I feel really happy to be with him and when he is away I miss him a lot, we have developed a strong bond (e...
A. 24 October 2012: HE FORCED you to have SEX?
you do know that's called rape right?
now you will defend him.... because you "LOVE HIM"
ya know what... if you are confused and have spent most of your formative dating years with him, I think it's time to m... (read in full...)
Should I let my boyfriend carpool with a female co-worker?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We moved in together 4months ago, and things have been going pretty good so far. He started a new job about a week ago and while in the process of meeting the coworkers in his ...
A. 24 October 2012: so if she is in the process of moving it's not happened yet.
give you time to meet her and friend her and find out what irks you about this.
yes it's forward but if it was me I'd be doing the same thing... if she had no car and he can make her ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he contact me?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about 4months now, and we can go days not seeing each other with minimal boring texting to days spent together and really happy and intense. He will never tell me if he wants to see me, I always have to be the one to a...
A. 24 October 2012: stop contacting him and see what happens.
IF he doesn't get in touch in a reasonable amount of time then you know that aunt honesty is correct, he's just not that into you. BTW whatever you deem reasonable is fine but for me if it was a guy that... (read in full...)
How can I improve my mom's quality of life?
Q. This is not a regular relationship question. However, I'd really appreciate it if you'd all try to help me out. I basically want tips on how to improve my mom's quality of life. She has progressive MS and is in an electrical wheelchair. She can only ...
A. 24 October 2012: Instead of taking her places why not bring things to her at home? does she have friends that are still ok with being around her (it's hard to watch friends deteriorate) if so host small parties at your place for friends to come visit.. maybe even ... (read in full...)
We cant have a relationship but I cant stop thinking about kissing him! What should I do?
Q. Hi there, i am really good friends with a guy that i realise i am starting to feel things for. I feel jealous at the thought of him dating other people, i can't take my eyes off him and i can't help but be extremely attracted to him. I've tr...
A. 24 October 2012: if you KNOW you can't have a relationship with him then I think for your own peace of mind it's best to distance yourself from him as much as possible.
I mean when I'm dieting I don't surround myself with things I can't have... why should you t... (read in full...)
Should I let my boyfriend carpool with a female co-worker?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We moved in together 4months ago, and things have been going pretty good so far. He started a new job about a week ago and while in the process of meeting the coworkers in his ...
A. 24 October 2012: I think you are over-reacting. Help with gas money is a huge deal now.
in my office car pools get better parking.
the fact that it's a woman is irrelevant.
since she does not drive it's not like he can tell her to drive to your pl... (read in full...)
I want to share my wife with my old friend....
Q. I have had a fantasy about sharing my wife and the feelings have become stronger. My wife is aware of this fantasy. We have role played this for years approx 8yrs). Within the last 4 years I have been talking to her about bringing this to real life. ...
A. 24 October 2012: Please please PLEASE keep this a hot fantasy.
the second you cum you will regret it and it will cause damage.
As a woman who lost my last marriage to being open sexually with others (both men and women) I can tell you that it takes very v... (read in full...)
Why suddenly can my husband not keep an erection?
Q. My husband has recently done the unthinkable in the bedroom, and I don't know why. The reason I say "Unthinkable" casue to me, its out of character for him. We are two very sexual people and enjoy eachother. I seem to think that its myself, however, ...
A. 24 October 2012: I agree that he needs to see a doctor to rule out medical issues...
if he does not know.. if he has other symptoms perhaps if he's 40 or older he has a prostate issue.. or low T...
does he drink or smoke... both can cause erection probl... (read in full...)
I'm twice her age. Why does she flirt? Should I flirt back with her?
Q. Why does she flirt? Should I flirt back with her? A girl, 19, who I am friends with, and I am 40. We work together once a week and sometimes end up at the same events. She flirts with me about 1/2 the time. like sometimes she doesnt at all and ot...
A. 24 October 2012: she may not have an interest in dating you or having sex with you but she may see you as a fun guy to flirt with.
if you are single and interested then by all means flirt back.
but be prepared to be shut down if you express interest and she... (read in full...)
I thought marriage was all about cherishing the one you love. All he does is cheat? And ignore his children and me. Should I break up with him?
Q. I have been in this relationship for 7 1/2 years and I have been married 2 1/2 years. Through the time of all these years. He has done nothing but cheated and he feels like its not a big deal at all when he gets caught in his lies or the females ...
A. 24 October 2012: leave.
you married him knowing he cheats so in his mind it's acceptable behavior. there are no consequences for his behavior if you look the other way or accept it.
You need a lawyer to help you plan child support and visitation (if he do... (read in full...)
For the last 2 years my husband doesn't touch me
Q. I've been with my husbend for 12 years now but it's been in the last 2 or 3 years he dont want to touch me or have sex with me anymore I know he's not cheating so pleas help me under stand why or if thare is something Wong with me...
A. 24 October 2012: what's changed in the last 2 or 3 years?
if nothing has changed with you perhaps he's suffering from LOW-T has he had a medical work up?
if not have you ASKED him... "is everything ok with US?"
not HIM, not "are YOU ok" bec... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to feel this passion for my girlfriend?
Q. Ok so I'm 18 years old. I've been with a wonderful girlfriend for going on 3 years. I love her with all my heart but I wanna take your opinion. You see we both are virgins and I think I have a slight problem. Everytime I am alone with my girlfriend ...
A. 24 October 2012: sounds normal to me.
you're 18
how old is she?
if she's 18 or older and you have been together 3 years is all you do kissing?
no wonder you want to be closer...that's the normal order of things...... (read in full...)
My older brother physically abuses me and my mom is fine with it. What rights do I have in this? What power do I have to stop him from doing this?
Q. Hi. So, my older brother hits me. He doesn't do it very often but when he does, he hits me bad. He abuses me verbally constantly calling me names and insulting me in every possible way. He's always been like this to me since we were kids, he's ...
A. 24 October 2012: I'm so sorry to hear this.
Mothers are supposed to protect us. You mother is not doing her job.
You are legally an adult and I would move out as soon as possible.
I know you don't want to hear this but I agree with everyone else... an... (read in full...)
Am I too needy? I'm a man who likes to snuggle
Q. hi I generally have a question for the guys but don't mind girls' opinion. if I'm in bed with a woman I tend to snuggle quite a lot. They don't do it to me as much as I do it to them. I hold their hand, carress her shoulders, play with her hair, h...
A. 24 October 2012: my husband is a snuggler... a cuddler... and it's one of the things that drew me to him... he has a low sex drive but I get cuddled and kissed every day... and i love it.
he was NOT mothered too much if anything he had no mother to speak of so I ... (read in full...)
What are these sexual urges?
Q. Hi friends, I always have sexual urged every time I am alone, so to this extent, I lost my virginity to a prostitute and since then I haven't had sex again, but I only masturbate myself. What could have been the problem?? I would not mind girls ...
A. 24 October 2012: you do know that sexual urges and masturbation are NORMAL right?
... (read in full...)
If I become a Chartered Accountant will it turn off girls? Will they see me as boring?
Q. I'm already a bit shy and not good with girls. I'm trying to figure out what do to as a career, and I'm considering becoming a Chartered Accountant as I'm good at it and it does pay exceedingly well. But I'm worried if it will turn girls off. ...
A. 24 October 2012: ya know what.. smart men who are well employed are very attractive to me...
you are NOT your job.. your job is part of you...
do what you want... and then the right woman will fall into place with it.... (read in full...)
I'm 22 dating a 16 year old and have very conflicting feelings about this
Q. I'll start things off with honesty since that's the best method of any question. I am 22 with some time to come before I am 23. I haven't dated much, only having 2 girlfriends in my whole existence, yes I have had sex but nothing spectacular to say ...
A. 24 October 2012: If she is 16 and you are 22 and you have sex with her you can go to jail.
you can be branded a lifetime child sex offender...
I STRONGLY suggest that you befriend her casually but NOT date her seriously until she is 18 at minimum.
To b... (read in full...)
Should I trust my LDR girlfriend? She grinds with other guys
Q. I recently started dating a girl at the school I just graduated from. It's a semi-long distance relationship; thus far we've been able to see each other at least once a month, if not more. However, there are times when we are apart. I trust her ...
A. 23 October 2012: I agree... I don't think of grinding as dancing... it's vertical foreplay. I would NOT dance with a stranger that way... I did dance in public what we called "dirty dancing" but only with boyfriends... never with strangers.
since you don't co... (read in full...)
A friend of my Bf keeps offering him smokes. My Bf knows I don't like this. Do I have the right to ask him to refuse to smoke?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months very occasionally smokes ~ I've only seen him do it a couple of times, and every time this has been when he has been with his one friend who I'll call 'C'. I'm not completely sure what it is that C smokes, but I think it's ...
A. 23 October 2012: Ya know what, he's a grown man. He knows how you feel about it. You have asked him not to smoke.
You have no control over other people only yourself.
IF you have told your boyfriend you do not want him to smoke and he continues then yo... (read in full...)
Is it injurious to my health that daily I only talk to my Bf? I'm tired, sad, and ready to walk out.
Q. Hi I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and I moved to the city 6 months ago when he got a new job. I still love him dearly but the problem is I'm lonely have no friends and feel severely depressed. I work from home and have little energy to...
A. 23 October 2012: first thing you should do is see a doctor and see if you have clinical depression and be treated for that.... (read in full...)
I know I get jealous but is it normal for a man to keep so many online pictures of women he has known or knows?
Q. So my fiance of 10 months now is wonderful. My only concern is that he has a thing for having girl friends on his xbox and facebook. I know I should trust him and I do its just I dont know if this is normal. He doesn't flirt with them really b...
A. 23 October 2012: While I disagree that you should be the ONLY female in his life, I understand your feelings... IF his friends on facebook and xbox are young single women in his former dating pool I can surely see why you are upset.
I have no problem with... (read in full...)
Is Abstinence the only answer as birth control for me?
Q. I'm having a lot of trouble with birth control methods and I don't know whether to ask my boyfriend if we can stop having sex until we're ready to settle down. We've been together for a year and sexually active for almost all of it. At the start...
A. 23 October 2012: latex allergy.... they make LAMBSKIN condoms... for just such a purpose... helps prevents pregnancy but NOT STDs... (read in full...)
I am Not Keen On Sex!
Q. My problem is I have never liked sex very much. Its not an age thing Ive always been the same-Ive had a few relationships but they have always gone pear shape for that reasons. Whilst I realise sex is important to most men and women - I w...
A. 23 October 2012: I will have sex when my partner asks... I don't care if we have intercourse or not... to be honest I would rather have intimacy with hugging, and kissing and cuddling... we do that daily... he never asks for sex either... neither of us misses ... (read in full...)
Should I leave him? I'm tired of feeling 'second class' and "not quite good enough for him".
Q. My husband and I have been together now for about 14 years. We have 2 beautiful children. However, i am so sick of dealing with his selfish ways. He has cheated 3 times, the first was about 9 years into our relationship and was a full on relations...
A. 23 October 2012: this is going to continue as long as you allow it.
You don't want to leave because there is the help of having a partner (money, time, etc) and the "shame" of divorce.
his behavior is lousy and YOU have nothing to be ashamed of you have f... (read in full...)
Am I allowed to play the field in this situation? I don't want to break hearts.
Q. ok so I haven't had a full-on relationship for about almost 3 years now, all I have been doing is going out weekends having one night stands and having fwb. Now however I have 3 girls that I can really have a proper strong relationship with. A...
A. 23 October 2012: I need clarification....
Are you saying you have three women you want to put into a dating rotation to figure out which ONE of them is the one you want to get serious with?
IF that's the case, well then that's FINE but you can't LIE to any... (read in full...)
I can't sleep when he's not there
Q. I'm struggling to sleep when my boyfriend isn't with me. We've been together 3 years and we are completely in love. Recently I've not been able to sleep when he isn't in bed with me. We live separately at our parents house and I work part time and ...
A. 23 October 2012: we went through this... before we moved in together we were LDR and I hated the big bed alone...
what helped me was having rituals.
at bedtime I would crawl into bed and call him... he was waiting for my call most nights and we would talk ti... (read in full...)
Am I too controlling for wanting to help?
Q. Hello all, I was curious to get a second opinion on a situation. Now my girlfriend is notoriously for procrastinating, motivating herself, forgetting to do important things, and is very lazy, to the point where if I ask about something she was supp...
A. 23 October 2012: As a totally disorganized ADHD person I can see both points of view... but unless she ASKED you to help then you are being parental and controlling
and even if she DID ask you to help, it's NOT the life partners place to police us ADHDers... ... (read in full...)
I told him I loved him and he said "thank you" What does that mean?
Q. I've been seeing this man for some time now and have strong feelings for him. We talk about moving in together even he has brought up marriage a few times, but the other day when I told him I loved him his expression was like a deer caught in head ...
A. 23 October 2012: I have had the exact same experience with my husband.
we are together 2 years and newlyweds... and I rarely hear I LOVE YOU... and never "I love you too" (although he did say that once when I had not said I LOVE YOU)
For the longest t... (read in full...)
Is Abstinence the only answer as birth control for me?
Q. I'm having a lot of trouble with birth control methods and I don't know whether to ask my boyfriend if we can stop having sex until we're ready to settle down. We've been together for a year and sexually active for almost all of it. At the start...
A. 23 October 2012: sounds like he needs bigger condoms...
don't know what's availble there but here I have seen cheap condoms that are really tiny...
there are good name brand condoms
then here they offer MAGNUMS and MAGNUMS XL
try different bigg... (read in full...)
I'm jealous that his 16 year old daughter is pregnant!
Q. Ok I know this is going to generate negative responses but here goes. My longtime baby daddy just informed me that his 16 yr old is 5 months pregnant. One, I can't shake off that he waited 5 months to tell me and second, I can't help but to feel ...
A. 23 October 2012: I always love questions that start with “I know this is going to generate negative responses” or even better “please don’t flame me”.
If a person knows that it’s a BAD thing, I wonder what they are seeking from us…
IT sounds like this is ... (read in full...)
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