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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My fiance said her ex was a better lover.
Q. Hello everyone, sorry for the long post,this is the first time asking a question, although I have been reading many posts here trying to come to terms with something that happened to me recently. I have just recently come back from Europe where I a...
A. 26 December 2012: Jealousy is not about anger or love. Jealousy is an emotion totally rooted in insecurity.
You are the best and you give her the best... trust me. A woman looks at all aspects of her life and for me at least if I have to rate what's impor... (read in full...)
His friends come before me
Q. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have had difficulties with a couple whom my boyfriend knew before me: I had a sexual remark made to me by the couples husband. I made this know to the wife of this man. She severed communications with me. ...
A. 6 November 2012: A “foul and sick mouth” is NOT hitting on you. His wife knows trust me she KNOWS he’s a jerk. But she is married to him and stands by him. I get that totally. My husband is an idiot. But he’s MY IDIOT and I don’t need other people telling me ... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 6 November 2012: You sound so NORMAL for a teen. My G&T son always did better with adults till college.
BTW your level of IQ has no bearing on so many things you list. The first thing you have to do is get off your “high horse” about being “a genius” I c... (read in full...)
My baby daddy calls me up for sex and money.
Q. My ex-husband/ baby daddy has been taking advantage of me. We started back talking hanging out, and sexing. he got hired at one of the big three. I gave him the hiring number, paid for his birth certificate and moneys for his lights and gas back and ...
A. 5 November 2012: my opinion is you are his doormat.
he is NOT taking advantage of you... YOU are giving him things... WHY?
the word you need for this man is NO
you gave him money
you gave him a phone
basically have a good court order for child s... (read in full...)
Is counselling really the only answer for the abuse she used to get from her father?
Q. A friend of mine has told me she was physically hurt by her father since childhood - it began when she was 13, but stopped when she moved out at 19, and she's now 20 - a year ago she moved out. She told me he'd never molested her or done anything ...
A. 5 November 2012: counseling is the best thing to do.
I had police once tell me they would not arrest my then husband because they did not see him attack me and I had no bruises... they came out later... so I get the frustration at the police not wanting to i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't climax. What can we do?
Q. My boyfriend is 47 years old. We both love being intimate together and we are very creative. Only problem is that I can't get him to cum. Please, how can i help him?...
A. 5 November 2012: can he get himself to cum?
if he can then I don't see the problem.. my husband cannot bring me to orgasm. A fact. NOT going to happen. Yes it bugs him no end but it is what it is. Does not mean I do not love him... does not mean he does... (read in full...)
His friends come before me
Q. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have had difficulties with a couple whom my boyfriend knew before me: I had a sexual remark made to me by the couples husband. I made this know to the wife of this man. She severed communications with me. ...
A. 5 November 2012: Ya know, the person who issues the ultimatum usually loses. My husband does not get along at all with some of my FORMER friends. They are now former friends because they told me “you will have to choose us or him”. I choose him. So now I have ... (read in full...)
What does "seeing each other" mean?
Q. What does seeing each other mean, does it only reference to dating? This girl and I have been texting for nearly 2 months and i see her every saturday evening when she'll happen to be on a night out with her friends just like i will. But we always ...
A. 5 November 2012: I agree with SAGEOLDGUY... if you are "seeing each other" that means you are dating seriously enough to be exclusive and be sexual.
take ONE weekend day and plan to see each other without friends.... just the two of you.
seems to me you... (read in full...)
Dating 11 months and he hasn't said "I love you" yet
Q. Hi All, I have been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now in a semi long distance relationship, we generally meet up every other week, the longest apart as been a month so in total Ive probably seen him for 4 months in total but we contact one a...
A. 5 November 2012: my husband never says "I love you" he's done it maybe 3 times in the 2 years we've been together ONCE at the wedding so I would have it on tape.
some folks just don't say it.... I know for me when I realized i was falling in love with him I s... (read in full...)
Friendship going down the wrong path
Q. I have an ex-boyfriend and we are trying to be friends. FYI he broke up with me for many reasons and one of those reasons named was being selfish/self absorbed. The problem is I am the one that seems to do stupid stuff. For example, I sent him ...
A. 4 November 2012: GAWD friendships and relationships are not this much work!
So his month and year got switched... and you got it wrong... that doesn't make you foolish or stupid.
trying to look cute while I show i know him better"
YOU are so NOT ready to... (read in full...)
After only 4 months, he has doubts and we are distanced, any thoughts?
Q. I just feel like I need some opinions before I finally make a decision about this! I'll try not to make it too much of a novel... I've been dating this guy for over 4 months. The past month and a half things have just changed. He only spends abou...
A. 4 November 2012: I'm sorry to say this but he's just not that into you.
He has told you if feels wrong
he has told you that he thinks his friends and his life without you is more important.
he's telling you by his actions that you don't matter.
how t... (read in full...)
What would make me as hot as my girlfriend?
Q. I have this girlfriend and she's super hot. She says she loves me, but I have caught her flirting with other guys before and she expresses her admiration for physically hot guys occasionally. Me, I'm definitely not as good looking as her. I'm not ...
A. 4 November 2012: "I just want to know, if I can't physically be as hot as my girlfriend, what do I need to have about myself that would make me as hot as her?"
OH I know this answer! And YES you can do it.... not easy... but YOU CAN be the HOTTEST man arou... (read in full...)
My b/f left his wife to be with me, I'm pregnant and worried that he's not in for the long haul!
Q. hey all im just a little worried here. my boyfriend who is 48 and i got together about a year ago. we were working together and i just fell head over heels in love with him i met him in august and we moved in together after his wife threw him out ...
A. 4 November 2012: you do realize if she says she will take him back he will go....
he didn't leave his wife for you.. she threw him out because he's a liar and a cheater.
yep honey when she threw him out you caught him.... when he finds greener pastures he ... (read in full...)
How do I get my family to stop expecting me to join them on activities I don't enjoy?
Q. My entire family (mother, father, brother, sister-in-law and sister-in-law's family) loves to go fishing. The problem is that I hate fishing. I find fishing to be boring. You are just sitting there with a fishing pole hoping that a fish bite...
A. 4 November 2012: do they know you don't like fishing?
to be honest...sometimes we outgrow our families. and that's ok.
you say "no I can't, I'm sorry, can we meet for dinner one day next week?"
... (read in full...)
Can we have sex and not loose our friendship?
Q. Dear Cupid, I don't know what to do, I am a normal 25 years old girl a stable job, family and friends, good choices and bad choices. Year ago I became very close with a friend (boy) we became like soul mates, best friends really although we ...
A. 4 November 2012: whats to prevent you from being a couple?... (read in full...)
Feeling Shallow :(
Q. I've been starting to see this man, he is the same heighth as I but alot smaller. Will this make me feel fatter?? He seems to be a sweetheart of a guy but I'm worried about not feeling comfortable with the body connection? Feeling Shallo...
A. 4 November 2012: so he's slender and your a bit "fluffy"
well lots of slender guys like "fluffy" girls.
stop worrying.. he's with you because he likes you...... (read in full...)
We're 9 years apart in age. Is that too much?
Q. Hi, Hi recently met a guy a chatting app. Because the app tells you how near the person you're chatting to are, I know that the guy doesn't live too far away from me. The guy is 27 and I'm currently 18 going on 19 in March. I wasn't original...
A. 4 November 2012: you are over 18
this is what you do
guard yourself carefully if your gut tells you something is not right you are probably correct.
it can't hurt to meet him and see what happens.
FWIW when my husband was 18 I would have been 31..... (read in full...)
I want to tell her I need more sex without seeming needy!
Q. My girlfriend doesn't seem to be into sex anymore and says we have been dating long enough that we don't need to do it very often anymore. How can I get her to be into it and want to do without having to ask and sound super needy about it?...
A. 4 November 2012: ya know if my husband did to me what the poster below suggested he'd get smacked
have you TALKED to her about it?
how often are you having sex?
are you living together?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend only responds to prosaic, never romantic, texts!
Q. whenever i write a message to my girlfriend which has love words like ,i dreamed with u ,i miss ur kiss, she does not reply but if i send other messages ,she replies ,does she hate such messages?...
A. 4 November 2012: sometimes you just don't know what to say to a text.
truth is texting is not a way to have a relationship.
it's a way to relay time sensitive info "running late" "almost there"
if my hubby sent me a text saying something sweet like tha... (read in full...)
He's coming on too strong -- should I just walk away?
Q. I met a man on an online dating site just under two weeks ago, he is 56, I am 50, he is stationed in Afghanistan and his tour will be over on Dec 15th. He was married for 18 years and divorced for 7, I was married for 15 years and divorced for 3. M...
A. 4 November 2012: It might be a scam
he may just be loney
he may just be an excitement junkie.
IF you are having fun then proceed very slowly with GREAT caution.
If it's stressing you out... walk away... and block his info so he can't contact you.
UNDER ... (read in full...)
I have feelings for a girl who is asexual
Q. I've become interested - romantically - in a girl I know is asexual. For a few days it was brilliant, but now I'm starting to feel that I don't understand relationships beyond it being a close trusting friendship with sex. Any advice? I do ...
A. 4 November 2012: YOU know she's asexual how?
and ya know being truly asexual is very rare... what makes you say this about her?
if she is truly asexual all the time in the world will not change that... it's how she is.
... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 4 November 2012: I raised one like you. He's 26 now and has a nice life.
He coasted through high school. He was G&T from 3rd grade which around here is the earliest you can put them in the G&T program.
He carried a 5.0 GPA all through high school without a... (read in full...)
Our friends keep asking us if we would like to "house swap" with them! They are relentless!
Q. This may seem trivial but I'm really angry about it... Basically my partner and I have bought a lovely 3 bed house. We've worked hard to be able to afford it- sacrificing things, working all hours, not having a decent holiday for the past 4 y...
A. 4 November 2012: Easy... next time they say it you
you say "sure you can move in it costs XXXX.XX every month just to run the house... do you have that? NO? well then I guess you can't afford it here"
and then you take them aside and tell them that... (read in full...)
She used to be promiscuous so I want access to her online activities!
Q. Is it okay for me to ask my fiancee to look at her emails, texts, and facebook one time? I will gladly let her look at mine. I am engaged to woman w/ a very promiscuous past and want to confirm that she will be faithful by asking to read h...
A. 4 November 2012: Do not marry her.
you do not have the right to see her present based on her past.
IF you do not trust her (and clearly you do not) then you can't FORCE that.
I have a more promiscuous past than your gf and I am Bisexual.
BUT when I marr... (read in full...)
I feel so ugly I cry.
Q. Recently i have been feeling ugly. Im 22 years old and married. First i would like to start off by saying that im over weight, i have thick facial hair which i shave, black arm pits and elbows, knees and between my thighs, im very insecure of my ...
A. 4 November 2012: if you are overweight with thick facial hair, have you had a hormonal workup?
You may have PCOS and that should be treated.
NEVER shave your face dear.... let it grow in then use wax....
... (read in full...)
I'd like my gay friends as bridesmaids but my boyfriend is against gays
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a while now, almost two years. We've had our fights, but never anything bad, we always make up, we know we love each other very much and would never intentionally try to hurt each other. He wants to get married after ...
A. 4 November 2012: I won't try to talk you out of leaving him.... but let me ask you this... do you want children you have raised to hate their mother's friends? and believe that their mom is going to hell?
because that is how this man will raise HIS children... ... (read in full...)
My husband would prefer I not take medicine for my anxiety. I stop and we suffer in our marriage!
Q. Firstly, I understand nobody's perfect. Within each and every one of us lies a chemical imbalance of some sort. Mine is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is caused by my Attention deficit Disorder. ( ADHD) I recently learned this from my Psychiat...
A. 4 November 2012: ADHD does NOT CAUSE GAD..however they can exist together.
YOU need medications to give you the stuff that "god forgot"
IF you read my article on Co-dependency you will see that a partner not wanting their spouse to get better or get help t... (read in full...)
What does a wink from a married man mean? Friendly or flirtatious?
Q. What does a wink from a married man mean? While I was at a friend's house, her (friendly) husband winked at me while I was leaving. We were talking at the door and he winked. Previous to that, I always felt he would be happy to bump into me in ...
A. 3 November 2012: he's married and you clearly are friends with his wife.
if you would LIKE it to mean he's interested then it will mean that and you can blow it up any way you like.
if you would like it to mean nothing then it will mean nothing.
it real... (read in full...)
Why does he ask if I'm ok so frequently? And why is he nervous?
Q. I've been seeing a guy for a few months now and everything is fine, im just slightly confused about something. We are very close and intimate with each other and some occasions it can be a really intense connection (we havnt said I love you or an...
A. 2 November 2012: he's starting to care more... at least in my opinion and that's why now it's more important that you be ok.
the other option is that he's actually asking "are WE ok"
I used to ask my partner "are you ok" when what I was trying to fig... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is being sarcastic to control me!
Q. My boyfriend is on the whole very loving and caring. He cooks lovely meals, always tells me I'm gorgeous etc etc and says I'm the love of his life BUT...he's sometimes sarcastic and I HATE it. He thinks he's being funny but it always seems like he's ...
A. 2 November 2012: Ah you don't speak sarcasm.
My husband is totally and completely sarcasm impaired and since I am fluent in it, it does present problems for us.
Personally you need to learn to give as good as you get.
for example my response to " "oh, wel... (read in full...)
My fiance said her ex was a better lover.
Q. Hello everyone, sorry for the long post,this is the first time asking a question, although I have been reading many posts here trying to come to terms with something that happened to me recently. I have just recently come back from Europe where I a...
A. 31 October 2012: FWIW... I left a man who was an awesome lover but had no self-esteem for a lousy lover with great self esteem who loves me like no tomorrow.
It's not about a penis... gawd... we marry MEN we love...
I'd marry him even if he was impotent.
... (read in full...)
B/f broke up because of my good looks and what his friend said??
Q. Hi everyone, It took me two days to even talk about this,cause I'm unable to wrap around what happened to me.. My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me yesterday for a reason sooo silly and immatur'ish' if I can say.. When he first met me,he was very...
A. 31 October 2012: I too do not think he broke up with you due to your good looks... something (or someone) else is going on...
if he was that intimidated he never would have asked you out and after two years... no way it's your looks.
sadly you are owe... (read in full...)
What are your best survival tips to help you and your loved ones in a Super Storm like Sandy?
Q. to all the wonderful people in Dear Cupid affected by Super Storm Sandy my Good Wishes to you. Such natural events can have repercussions on family life, relationships, friendships and cause personal pain. Wherever you are, if you've missed fl...
A. 31 October 2012: Maryland here... we expected a lot worse...
some light flickers and basically just twigs and leaves to pick up...
our prep:
food we can keep without a fridge
manual can opener
flashlights (yes multiple) with spare batteries and a flash ... (read in full...)
Is 5 sex partners by age 21 ok?
Q. Hi. I am curious whether it is ok/normal for a 21 year old boy to have slept with 5 girls. I am a 20 year old virgin and my boyfriend admitted he slept with 5 girls previously. I shouldn't have asked about his past, but I was curious and didn't want ...
A. 31 October 2012: I personally don't think it's bad... I think when I married my first husband at 21 I had had 9 or 10.... ... (read in full...)
I don't think my ex will ever let me move on
Q. its been 20 days i broke up with my verbally abusive ex, but he still keeps on messaging me goodnight and good morning text, he is saying that he has realised his mistake , now he can understand my importance. he keeps on calling me all of the ...
A. 31 October 2012: I agree with Cerberus.
YOU are allowing this.
block his phone number
block him on facebook
move on without him.
... (read in full...)
Disturbed by his actions in bed
Q. When a guy is giving you oral sex and he holds his breath, does it mean you smell down there? And in the middle of sex, he gives a disgusted look, does it mean he IS disgusted with you? ...
A. 31 October 2012: he has not learned to "breathe through his ears" yet...
... (read in full...)
Does he love and respect me or just want sex?
Q. Im a 15 yr old and im a virgin. My bf is 17 and he is not a virgin. We have been dating for 2yrs now, we have a problem now everytime when we are alon he always try to have sex with me,i don't allow him. He will say "i knew it you don't want to make ...
A. 31 October 2012: he's a bully...
he says the things he says to trick you into having sex
why do you want to be with him if he's so mean to you?
all he wants is sex and you are not ready so maybe you should break up with him.
if that's not an option ... (read in full...)
Do I help a friend? Or choose my ex and hope that she chooses me also?
Q. my ex girlfriend and i broke up about two weeks ago. we broke up for a lot of different reasons. we love each other but we are very different people with very different personalities and viewpoints. we have had talk of getting back together bu...
A. 31 October 2012: have you considered discussing it with your gf?
telling her exactly what you told us... that you don't want to upset her but you need the money and there is nothing going on between you and your friend?
personally for me when I have a lot... (read in full...)
Is it really about the size?
Q. My girl friend has had only one partner in the past and that is who she lost her virginity to. We both are sexually active and she says she is happy. The problem is that most of the time when we have sexuall intercourse she doesn't orgasm. She told ...
A. 31 October 2012: at her age she has no clue what sex is about and she won't for nearly 20 more years... I thought that sex was about size at that age too.
it's about the tongue and the fingers and the man attached to all those things...
and it's not size... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on me. Has anyone taken their cheating boyfriend back?
Q. FIrst my question is, is there anyone out there who took their boyfriend back after cheating and is still happy today? With trust and no more cheating? My story: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. He is my first and ...
A. 31 October 2012: fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.
the problem is this: your follow up clearly shows that his remorse is not in the cheating... his remorse is in the getting caught.
HE said that the reason he cheated was because you ... (read in full...)
Timing seems to be my biggest enemy here so will waiting fix that?
Q. Hey everyone, I had a general question to ask. A little backstory: I'm dating someone, but we're not bf/gf. Both 17 and seniors in high school. I asked her out and she said she needed to hang out with me a little more. Two months later as I yeste...
A. 31 October 2012: I get the sense that she's toying with you... just keeping you around for the ego stroke...
she's probably not that into you...... (read in full...)
So much porn on boyfriend's computer has really grossed me out
Q. Ok so I've had issues with my boyfriend and porn from the gate im insecure and hes bot very understanding of that but whatever just some history for ya .... Anyway I went to his pad to do some work for my college courses i'm in and ( we have bee...
A. 31 October 2012: my hubby is a porn watcher and he watches tranny porn...
it doesn't disgust me or creep me out.....
BUT if it bothers YOU that YOUR man is doing it then you need to consider ending the relationship because asking him to stop is not going to... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend stealing from me?
Q. I dont mean to accuse my boyfriend, but when I was out with him the other week when i did NOT spend a penny, and I went out with 10 pound, I came back with no money at all, not even for the bus. I thought nothing of it until the other day where I ...
A. 31 October 2012: the fact that YOU think he's stealing from you is enough.
I tend to lose things... so if you think it's him then perhaps you could set him up...
but if you think it's him, you must have a low opinion of him.... I would never consider dat... (read in full...)
Does he still love me? Or there is another girl
Q. Im a 15 year old girl and i've dating my bf for 2yrs. We met at school last yr that where we started dating,my problem is that this yr since we in different schools he doen't call or send me sms,when i try to call him he always says "i can't talk ...
A. 31 October 2012: no dear he does not still love you....
if he did he would call you or text you and want to see you..
he may not have another girlfriend but it's probably just a matter of time before he does.
I think you should stop calling him and text... (read in full...)
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