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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Help! Penis problem!
Q. Hi everyone, This isn't a relationship question, more sexual health. I few days ago I was taking a bath, went to pull my foreskin back to wash and there was a huge build up of smegma and it smelt pretty awful. A few days prior to that, whilst m...
A. 7 November 2012: it's possible you have a yeast infection. I would go see a doctor.... (read in full...)
I can't cope with my girlfriend's history and don't know what to do.
Q. My girlfriend had 3 boyfriends before me, I had 2. She's 24 and I am 28. We have been dating for 6 months, and it's a serious relationship to both of us. Recently, she asked me how many girls I've slept with before her and we discussed honestly ...
A. 7 November 2012: FORGIVE HER FOR WHAT? she did NOTHING wrong other than be totally honest with you and now you want to punish her?
I think you should leave her now and not punish her any further for being open sexually... (read in full...)
Dildo dilemma!!!
Q. Hi this is a question mainly for women!!! my ex got me a vibrator, it’s very soft and adaptable is not very wide so it fits just fine, the problem is it hurts when i insert it so i cannot use it... when he was using it on me it didn’t feel that ...
A. 7 November 2012: I do not like dildos and since I never orgasm from penetration I never saw a need for them.
IF it hurts don't use it.
I use a small "pocket rocket" like Honeypie said...externally
or my fav is a hand held shower massage set on pulse... ... (read in full...)
STD query...
Q. If you have an STD are you 100% guaranteed to pass it on during unprotected sex? ...
A. 7 November 2012: I agree you should have a workup and wear condoms.
let's assume that you are 100% sure to pass it on...
so now what?
did you tell (or were you told) before the act so the other partner could make the decision?
For many years from... (read in full...)
How would it make you feel if someone told you they loved you?
Q. Hypothetically, guys, if you knew someone had a crush on you or fancied you, and you weren't taking it seriously, would you start to take it seriously if they told you they loved you and meant it? I don't mean start to like them, I just mean be a ...
A. 7 November 2012: No dear he won't take her seriously. If anything it would backfire.
He will laugh at her if not to her face, then behind her back to his friends... who will tell their friends then they will tell girlfriends and within a few days the whole sc... (read in full...)
Are there any women or men who can tell me how their sex life has been after a hysterectomy?
Q. Im back.. I'll call this part 2. Are there any women or men who can tell me how their sex life has been after a hysterectomy? Women has your mate cheated? or men do you get your pleasure somewhere else? I have a sex partner over 10 years off an ...
A. 7 November 2012: umm he's lying you know... using his wife's hysterectomy as an excuse... my mom had one when I was very young... never impacted her sex life.. my dad losing his drive bothered her more...
i have not had a hysterectomy but I have had ablation... (read in full...)
I suggested he be tested for STD's before I sleep with him and he took offence...
Q. I am a 23 year old virgin and I'm dating a 24 year old guy,the reason I stressed on being a virgin is that I've waited for the right man to come along and I think he has, and I know it will happen soon.. but now I think he's not the one, cuz he took ...
A. 7 November 2012: you were not wrong at all.
My husband and I when we STARTED dating... both had blood work and STD testing... we did it again after 6 months when we got serious...because things can take a while to show up.
I think it's very prudent for fol... (read in full...)
My boyfriend used to idolise his friend's body and she was skinny, yet he doesn't want me to get too thin! What is going on here?
Q. I am confused about the messages that my bf is sending me with his comments about weight. I recently lost 30 pounds, putting me now around 160 pounds. My bf is very proud of me, and seems to enjoy the changes in my body. I do too! I'm very excited ...
A. 7 November 2012: I'm 5'2" and I can tell you that at 135 I was skeletal... too thin... I look best at around 140-145...
do not base what you want to weigh on the BMI charts.. they are very very skewed against us short folks...
my husband loves to LOOK at thi... (read in full...)
Will my husband-to-be know that I've had sex before him?
Q. I had sexual relation with my friend. Now i am getting married. I am worried about that can my would be husband will know that i had realtion with someone before marriage....
A. 7 November 2012: not if you don't tell him...... (read in full...)
Menopause Questions
Q. Does a woman in menopause orgasm? Does her sexdrive diminish during or after menopause? I'm at the age where women in my age bracket are menopausal and find it difficult to find women over 50 interested in sex. I'm a very attractable guy for 52 and ...
A. 7 November 2012: does a woman in menopause orgasm?
yes I do but it can take longer
same for my friends (yes we talk about it)
does her sex drive diminish?
for some it does for me it has not. but we need way more lube than when I was 20
I'm 52 wit... (read in full...)
My wife wears jewelry another man bought her and it makes me uncomfortable
Q. My wife made a new business acquaintance whose family owns a jewelry store. As part of celebrating a milestone he gave her a silver and amethyst necklace and an amethyst ring, which she sometimes wears. To be fair, he also gave a gift to my wife'...
A. 7 November 2012: I gotta tell you that I wish I could agree with all the aunts and uncles that have posted absurd but I can't. And normally I do... we all tend to be on the same page most of the time...
IN this case, while it was a perk of his job... I know tha... (read in full...)
I need help dealing with PMS
Q. I have PMS and a week before every period I suffer with terrible anxiety, irritability and a short fuse, I can get extremely angry if anything pisses me off, where normally I am well controlled. Does anybody have any suggestions of how I can imp...
A. 7 November 2012: well what are you doing so far?
avoid sugar
avoid caffeine
up your vitamin B and E all month
what else did my doctor recommend... hmmm can't recall.
things may have changed so perhaps it would be best to talk to your GYN about it.... (read in full...)
My best friend wants a marriage of convenience!
Q. hey aunts and uncles urgent advice needed please. My close male friend and i are both creeping closer to 30. Neither of us is with anybody and we get on very well. We were having a meal at his house, together the other night and got talking about ...
A. 7 November 2012: for many many many years marriages were business arrangements... they were not about love even in the middle class and below... it was arranged... in some religions it still is.
IF you like him and he's your best friend and you can see being se... (read in full...)
Halloween anniversary. But will we still be together by then? Help
Q. So I have been with my boyfriend for three years this halloween. When we first hung out, it was absolutely fun, it came to the point he was calling his mother to see what to do about falling in love with me. We both have been through some horr...
A. 7 November 2012: thanks for the update I hope it works out... counseling is a big help and his actions are saying good things...
best of luck.... (read in full...)
How do I tell my wife's 22 year old niece that I want to be with her?
Q. For the past year or so I have dreampt of being with my wifes 22 yr old neice, Her and I spent a weekend together in July and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Ironically, I do believe it came from her too as when she was ...
A. 6 November 2012: Have you asked your wife for advice on how to nail her niece… I’m sure she knows better than anyone what the young lady would like in terms of a dirty old MARRIED man going after her.
... (read in full...)
How do I tell my uncle and auntie that their twins are pregnant by older men?
Q. My twin cousins are both pregnant and they don't know how to tell their parents ! They're pregnant by OLDER guys and they're afraid to tell their parents. They want me to tell them. Their parents are divorced , their mom is a lesbian now and she's ...
A. 6 November 2012: why is it YOUR responsibility to tell them?
how old are these twins? is it the same man or two men? how old are the men? because if the teens are 16 and the men over 21 it's going to be a sticky wicket...
how far along are they?
basic... (read in full...)
Why has he suddenly gone cold?
Q. Hello For 10 days ago I talked to a guy on a dating site and he became interested directly. He said it many times and complemented me a lot and he said that he talked to a lot girls on the dating site but didnt like them he did only for fun and...
A. 6 November 2012: yep his interest has gone.
it's probably nothing you did... it's just him.
what should you do... you move on.... you do nothing... if he contacts you then you have to decide if you want to risk meeting him.... (read in full...)
Would like to hear from people in age gap relationships.
Q. Would like some input, especially from those who are in large age gap relationships, whether as the older or the younger partner. I care very much for a widower who is 19 years older than I am (he's 56, I'm 37). In terms of interests, livin...
A. 6 November 2012: I understand totally how he feels.
I am 52 my husband is 39 so our gap is ONLY 13 years... but I am recently physically disabled with a permanent illness. I am still mobile and employed but as the years go on that will lessen... I tried ve... (read in full...)
I had sex with a boy and lost my virginity. Does that mean I am straight?
Q. My story is going to sound like an odd one. Like most of these kind of stories are about coming out as gay, or worrying that they might be gay. Well it is the opposite for me. I'm worried that I am straight. I am 16, and a bit confused. I have alw...
A. 6 November 2012: you may not be gay
you may be bi
you may be gay
you may be straight
at 16 it's kind of hard to know... being flexible is fine.
My brother is gay. he dated girls at your age and even had sex with one or two... nope not there for him he... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and afraid I'm turning into a lesbian. I don't want to be one!
Q. Hi I'm 14 years old and I'm afraid that I might be turning lesbian. When I'm alone I like to watch lesbian porn and masturbate. It arouses me and I have an amazing orgasm, but when I'm done I regret doing it and feel ashamed and weird. I really ...
A. 6 November 2012: you are either straight, gay or bi... there is nothing you can do to change what your inherent sexual orientation is.
straight women watch gay porn.... it does not mean you are gay.
if you are gay however you can't change it... it's ... (read in full...)
His friends come before me
Q. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have had difficulties with a couple whom my boyfriend knew before me: I had a sexual remark made to me by the couples husband. I made this know to the wife of this man. She severed communications with me. ...
A. 6 November 2012: A “foul and sick mouth” is NOT hitting on you. His wife knows trust me she KNOWS he’s a jerk. But she is married to him and stands by him. I get that totally. My husband is an idiot. But he’s MY IDIOT and I don’t need other people telling me ... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 6 November 2012: You sound so NORMAL for a teen. My G&T son always did better with adults till college.
BTW your level of IQ has no bearing on so many things you list. The first thing you have to do is get off your “high horse” about being “a genius” I c... (read in full...)
Is blood really thicker than water and after you get married should family came before your spouse?
Q. Hi,am getting married soon and my mother in law had a child last year who is 1 now and she is pregnant again. she is in her mid 40's i get it its her choice and the second time i think it was a mistake.I feel like not having kids at the moment ...
A. 5 November 2012: you are just being paranoid... ... (read in full...)
Is blood really thicker than water and after you get married should family came before your spouse?
Q. Hi,am getting married soon and my mother in law had a child last year who is 1 now and she is pregnant again. she is in her mid 40's i get it its her choice and the second time i think it was a mistake.I feel like not having kids at the moment ...
A. 5 November 2012: well it's a bit of both...
he's good to his sister and his mom and that's a good thing for both them and you. it means he will be good to you and your children as well.
have you asked him "after we are married is your mom and baby sis... (read in full...)
Unrequited teenage love. What's my next move?
Q. I am in unrequited love with someone. I know he does not love me because he has told me. If you have ever been in unrequited love, then you know how it feels. How it is not just as simple as getting over them. I know not seeing him is a way to m...
A. 5 November 2012: well a mantra is something you say... a touchstone might work
or you could put a rubber band around your wrist and every time you think of him snap the rubber band.... that's called behavior modification...
you could do a daily affirmation ab... (read in full...)
Up one day... down the next????
Q. Hello, Im 18 and need a little advice. So me and my boyfriend have been best years for two years and actually started dating almost 3 months ago. And well a week into dating we had sex. And about 4 or 5 times after that. Then he tells me he wasn't ...
A. 5 November 2012: stop trying and just let it happen.
and NEVER EVER compare one man to another.... ... (read in full...)
Is my partner being selfish?
Q. I'm in a relationship with the father of my 3 month old baby, according to our tradition, the man pays lobola, then we make a wedding, he has already paid half of the money, now he wants to pay the remaining amount but he says he does not want a ...
A. 5 November 2012: you want what you want... that's not selfish..
the fact that you and your partner do not agree is sad. especially if you have a child together already.
if he does not care about your feelings then I would not stay with him....... (read in full...)
How do I walk away from my personal trainer who I have feelings for?
Q. Hello everyone. I need some help! This is a very mixed up situation and I am having a very, very hard time walking away from it. I know what I have to do but I just cannot seem to pull the trigger. And emotionally it is tearing me apa...
A. 5 November 2012: and this is why I always use women trainers.
the goal of a good trainer is to teach you to do it yourself so you don't need to spend the money to stay with them.
and a good male trainer is going to be a great flirt... it's part of their j... (read in full...)
Dumped by Self-Conscious Boyfriend
Q. Hello, I was dating a wonderful, respectable man for about a month. I'm 23 and he's 30. We met on a dating site; he made contact first and was very interested in me. We exchanged lengthy messages on the site for a few weeks before meeting. ...
A. 5 November 2012: he sounds a lot like my hubby... note he's my hubby.
but when we met he told me he was just in it for fun and games and he was not the type of man who was ever getting married...
honey he's just not that into you...
and the 'its me not... (read in full...)
How is it even possible? My husband lost his erection just like that and never got it back!
Q. I really feel very curious,if Im alone with my problem,or there are others out there suffering like me. So long story short, Im very attractive , and I live in a marriage, but I have no sex, or affection at all at the last 6 years. Its unbeliev...
A. 5 November 2012: its not hard to believe... if he does not have LOW-T (and that is VERY common and a huge cause of lack of libido) then it's in his head.... and he needs counseling.
my bet is he won't go.... (otherwise he would have tried everything to fix this... (read in full...)
What to expect from a guy after casual sex/one night stand?
Q. ok so on friday night, there was the birthday of my brother at the beach near his house. some of his friends were invited, we were around 10. The party lasted till early saturday morning. I know nearly all of his friends very well. Around 2 in the ...
A. 5 November 2012: yep it was a one shot deal
met a guy
liked a guy
slept with a guy
left a guy
ONE and DONE...
move on honey... he's not going to be contacting you and if he does... its just for sex... say no.... (read in full...)
Can I ask to spend a day with him WITHOUT his family?
Q. Question about boyfriends family and how to split the time. My boyfriend is in the military, and got a leave to come home this weekend. I had not seen him in 3 months. He arrived Friday evening and left again Sunday evening, so not much time. I...
A. 5 November 2012: While I know you miss him and want alone time with him, his family is important too.
you saw him three months ago
you will see him in two weeks
sometimes with military spouses you go three times as long or longer between visits...
i... (read in full...)
What does the term "garden path" refer to when it comes to women?
Q. What does it mean if a guy says that he had to deal with a chick's garden path on her back and it was gross?? What exactly does a garden path on a chick's back even mean? Does it mean anything sex-related?...
A. 5 November 2012: never heard it used sexually and I'm betting that he has no clue either.... but i'll go with Hoenypie and mystiquek on this...... (read in full...)
Do I wait around or move on?
Q. My bf and i were together for 6 months living in different cities, mostly me traveling to see him and spend days at a time with him. Within the 6 months he bought a house and slowly wanted to spend more time with his friends then me, when im the one ...
A. 5 November 2012: Move on. the only reason he sees you now is for sex...... (read in full...)
What would you consider early warning signs of a controlling man?
Q. Hi, What would you consider early warning signs if a controlling man? My boyfriend of 10 months as shown a few signs but I'm not sure if I'm over thinking. He doesn't like me wearing make up, accused me of wearing clear tights so other people wou...
A. 5 November 2012: ONE thing in your list alone would not be cause for concern but having a full list like you do is cause for concern.
My husband prefers me in skirts and heels. He gets what I'm comfy in except for date night when I will dress to his taste...... (read in full...)
Unrequited teenage love. What's my next move?
Q. I am in unrequited love with someone. I know he does not love me because he has told me. If you have ever been in unrequited love, then you know how it feels. How it is not just as simple as getting over them. I know not seeing him is a way to m...
A. 5 November 2012: you get some therapy at this point... it's been long enough that you should be moving on...
is there a counselor at school you can talk to?
have you asked MOM if she ever hurt like this? I remember liking a boy at your age and he never lik... (read in full...)
Being ill, stress, depression, my lack of attendance and everything else is making me feel like I'm going to fail my degree. How can I get back on track?
Q. I have fallen behind in university so much this year and i'm annoyed because i was dealing with depression, severe stress, bad illness, i just couldn't focus and now i have screwed myself over. I'm at the point where now everything is ba...
A. 5 November 2012: can you withdraw for the semester and then go back and finish...
sometimes we just need a break....... (read in full...)
Should I be mad because my bf and his ex are good friends?
Q. Hello everyone, I´ve got this problem almost year and a half, since I´ve been dating my bf. The problem is, he´s stayed a very good friends with his ex. They chat on internet very often, she called him when her boyfriend after mine broke up with ...
A. 5 November 2012: I agree that staying friends with an ex is not a good idea.
FRIENDLY yes... but not friends.
IF you can't talk to him about it, then I am afraid you will have to end the relationship.
If you have told him it bothers you and all he did w... (read in full...)
How is it even possible? My husband lost his erection just like that and never got it back!
Q. I really feel very curious,if Im alone with my problem,or there are others out there suffering like me. So long story short, Im very attractive , and I live in a marriage, but I have no sex, or affection at all at the last 6 years. Its unbeliev...
A. 5 November 2012: I agree with the previous poster.
does he drink alcohol or caffeine both can affect erections.
Does he smoke? that too can affect erections.
Erections are all about blood flow... beta blockers, HBP pills, and many other things can cause ... (read in full...)
Confusion over 'casual sex' guy versus strong feelings for my best friend.
Q. Hello, im not sure where my head is at... ive been having 'casual sex' with a friend, he really likes me and is very clear about it, hes lovely, and sweet but i don't want a boyfriend atm which he has a hard time adjusting to as i dont let him act...
A. 5 November 2012: I agree you need to stop sleeping with this friend. You are leading him on and giving him hope… that’s cruel. YOU are being selfish. You say you don’t want to lose his friendship but you know that he wants more and you don’t and yet you lead him ... (read in full...)
My baby daddy calls me up for sex and money.
Q. My ex-husband/ baby daddy has been taking advantage of me. We started back talking hanging out, and sexing. he got hired at one of the big three. I gave him the hiring number, paid for his birth certificate and moneys for his lights and gas back and ...
A. 5 November 2012: my opinion is you are his doormat.
he is NOT taking advantage of you... YOU are giving him things... WHY?
the word you need for this man is NO
you gave him money
you gave him a phone
basically have a good court order for child s... (read in full...)
His friends come before me
Q. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have had difficulties with a couple whom my boyfriend knew before me: I had a sexual remark made to me by the couples husband. I made this know to the wife of this man. She severed communications with me. ...
A. 5 November 2012: Ya know, the person who issues the ultimatum usually loses. My husband does not get along at all with some of my FORMER friends. They are now former friends because they told me “you will have to choose us or him”. I choose him. So now I have ... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 4 November 2012: I raised one like you. He's 26 now and has a nice life.
He coasted through high school. He was G&T from 3rd grade which around here is the earliest you can put them in the G&T program.
He carried a 5.0 GPA all through high school without a... (read in full...)
Halloween anniversary. But will we still be together by then? Help
Q. So I have been with my boyfriend for three years this halloween. When we first hung out, it was absolutely fun, it came to the point he was calling his mother to see what to do about falling in love with me. We both have been through some horr...
A. 22 October 2012: I’m so sorry you are in love with a cheating lying man. I know you want to fix it before it’s too late but honey it’s already too late… He’s lied. He’s cheated. He’s disrespected you. He abuses you. Is this the kind of relationship you want to ... (read in full...)
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