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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How does a much older man approach a young woman who hates men?
Q. I too have a propensity for endearment for a woman 21 years younger than me. I have watched her evolve from a 23 year old girl to a 31 year woman and have gone from a crush to something else much stonger. Only problem is that she hates men due to...
A. 20 November 2012: Actually OP it’s not a stupid question at all. How were we to know your history without you saying something… people come on here all the time and post questions and some of them are 40 year old virgins with NO experience. Some are Autistic or ... (read in full...)
I've only ever had sex with prostitutes. Should I continue or try having a relationship? And should I keep my past secret?
Q. Hello, I have been using prostitutes for about 4 years. I lost my virginity to a prostitute and ever since I only had sex with "working girls". The reason I do this is that it is so much simpler than picking-up women and far more straight...
A. 17 November 2012: BASED on your follow up I strongly suggest you find a therapist to help you work through your issues.
The truth is based on your follow up my feeling is that you will spend your entire life bemoaning that there are no "nice girls" to have a re... (read in full...)
If I don't ask her out will she be offended?
Q. Okay, this one is complicated. Keeping in mind that I am not looking for a girlfriend, riddle me this: the girl I like has found out from other sources that I like her, and I have not confirmed it. Apparently, she likes me and dosn't think I like ...
A. 16 November 2012: I totally agree with EWO (as usual)
You are 13 and your hormones are raging... you are way over thinking this.
Dating is fun. But you need to be comfortable with the opposite sex to date... (unless you are gay then you just need to be ... (read in full...)
He's a white supremacist but I am not white. So how will he feel about our unborn child?
Q. This is going to sound ridiculous I am non white but my BF is a white supremacist, did time in prison, which is where he picked up the ideology. He wears a Thors pendant, follows asatru and all that. He thinks whites are superior to blacks, but ...
A. 16 November 2012: well he won't hate you or the baby but he will raise your child to hate you and your family and all other non-whites.
... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and broke up with baby's dad. He says he doesn't want me to breast feed the baby! Should I take legal advise re access? It was amicable up until this ....
Q. Im 29 weeks pregnant with my first child. Me and the babys father have separated due to him being unfaithful (not the issue here tho). We are both trying to be as involved as we can, he has been to all scans and classes and he is going to be prese...
A. 16 November 2012: Cerberus, I agree with you 100% and I"m betting the words ONLY and Breastfed were transposed.
babies should be ONLY breastfed for the first six months (before introduction of solids)
... (read in full...)
If I don't ask her out will she be offended?
Q. Okay, this one is complicated. Keeping in mind that I am not looking for a girlfriend, riddle me this: the girl I like has found out from other sources that I like her, and I have not confirmed it. Apparently, she likes me and dosn't think I like ...
A. 15 November 2012: Poor Dear OP, you don’t speak SARCASM yet… 13 year old children cannot date. I could not date at 13 and neither could my kids… boys or girls… even at 15 you are a bit young for dating.
Why can’t you just be friends with her?
... (read in full...)
What is wrong with people these days? They say I look like some-one that I don't look like.
Q. people say i look like sheldon's girlfriend from the big bang theory. i do have thick stright hair and glasses but i don't think i look as ugly as her, i have long straight hair (some people say it looks silky) i have some reading glasses, no ...
A. 15 November 2012: She's NOT ugly at all to be honest... they ugly her down for the show... you do know that right?
here's a link to her out of costume:
http://i2.cdnds.net/12/34/300x225/rexfeatures_1823253t.jpg
there are a total of SEVEN facial... (read in full...)
Are these comments innuendo, and do they show he's comfortable with me?
Q. I am friends with a man who I have known for a few years. Because we are on a committee together I sent him a text once saying that this particular bush had been cut back because he had complained about it and his reply was 'i must admit I lik...
A. 15 November 2012: All of the above.
and if he's single and your single and your interested let him know... he may just be a giant flirty bad boy but who knows...... (read in full...)
He's a white supremacist but I am not white. So how will he feel about our unborn child?
Q. This is going to sound ridiculous I am non white but my BF is a white supremacist, did time in prison, which is where he picked up the ideology. He wears a Thors pendant, follows asatru and all that. He thinks whites are superior to blacks, but ...
A. 15 November 2012: Does he know you are Indian? or are you "passing" as they call it?
I am a Jew and while I think I look Jewish folks are shocked when I tell them. IF you are not passing and he knows you are Indian, then you need to ask him "how can you not ... (read in full...)
Parents have been divorced for 10 years. Now my mother wants my father to sell his house to divide the money and give me something for a future downpayment. Is this appalingly unreasonable?
Q. My parents immigrated to this country in 1999. When people say that immigration either makes the family stronger or tears it apart, they cannot be more right. Unfortunately in my case, my mom divorced my dad shortly after coming to this country. I ...
A. 15 November 2012: they are divorced.
if her name was removed from the deed as part of the divorce she has no say in the sale of the house.
IF she wants to sell the house and her name is on the deed they have a bigger problem and dad will have to buy her part of ... (read in full...)
I've only ever had sex with prostitutes. Should I continue or try having a relationship? And should I keep my past secret?
Q. Hello, I have been using prostitutes for about 4 years. I lost my virginity to a prostitute and ever since I only had sex with "working girls". The reason I do this is that it is so much simpler than picking-up women and far more straight...
A. 15 November 2012: I can't advise you on what to do in the future although it seems to me you slot women in roles
prostitute
slut
nice women
so if you meet a "nice woman" and she is uptight about sex what will you do?
and if you meet a "nice woman" an... (read in full...)
Any tips on how to have a healthy three-way relationship, not not just a sexual threesome, but an actual dating relationship?
Q. My fiance (age 27) and I (25) have been together for two and a half years. We have a 15 month old son together, and she has a daughter that she feels might have a minor form of autism that lives with the father. We have had our rough times, but ...
A. 15 November 2012: go here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php
lots of positive support for couples seeking a Unicorn.
good luck.... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and broke up with baby's dad. He says he doesn't want me to breast feed the baby! Should I take legal advise re access? It was amicable up until this ....
Q. Im 29 weeks pregnant with my first child. Me and the babys father have separated due to him being unfaithful (not the issue here tho). We are both trying to be as involved as we can, he has been to all scans and classes and he is going to be prese...
A. 15 November 2012: he can't force you not to breast feed. It's better for you and the baby (and good for you for wanting to do so)
you have a few weeks to let him calm down.
after 3 months or so you can pump and start her on bottles of pumped breast milk.
... (read in full...)
'Making Love' versus 'Having Sex' with boyfriend.
Q. So I guess this is a question about lovemaking vs sex. I had spent the day with my boyfriend and he was helping me studying. Then after several hours I had to go out to do something else, and we were kissing a bit, and I said, I have to go, and ...
A. 15 November 2012: you needed to give him a quickie honey... hike your skirt, bend over the couch and let him have at you... if you normally make love a quickie now and again is fine...
... (read in full...)
Sex Survey: how often do you want it?
Q. Questions for married women ages 40-50 in long term marriages. How often would you like sex? Once a week? Every day? How often does your husband initiate? Please state your age, years married and sex frequency you'd like. Also state your % est...
A. 15 November 2012: I'm 52 married this time... 6 weeks.
how often would I like it? probably every other day would work for me.
I initiate: pretty much 99% of the time and get shut down
He initiates 1% and gets shut down...
we are NOT having sex.
He ... (read in full...)
My wife is kind of a prude in the bedroom. Would she like a vibrator or be repulsed?
Q. Wife grew up kind of a prude- never seems to really enjoy sex all that much. Just want her to feel as good as she makes me feel. If I come home with a little help with a vibe that she will be repulsed or OK to try. Any wen think this is a horrible ...
A. 15 November 2012: I would not just spring it on her... if she is a prude and sexually uncomfortable she wont' take it well and may find it a criticism of her sexuality.
Have you told her you want to rock her world like she rocks yours? (my husband says this all... (read in full...)
Is it inappropiate for a female coworker to continue to text my husband
Q. Is it inappropiate for a female coworker to continue to text my husband, of 22 years? He says they are just friends and he is doing nothing wrong. She only text him when he is at work, they work opposite shifts. I have seen some of the texts and ...
A. 15 November 2012: I agree... just because OTHER women call her a home wrecker does not mean she is.
IF she is only texting about work why does this bother you?
what is it about your relationship with your husband that is making you feel so upset if you do not ... (read in full...)
Cousins love - can it work, even though I'm married?
Q. Basically, I fallen in love with my cousin. He tells me he feels the same and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We didn't grow up together and I only met him once when I was a teenager - we live in different countries and I am now in m...
A. 15 November 2012: who's moving to be with who?
does your husband know?
when are you leaving your husband.
see if you want it to work you need a bunch of things:
honesty (with your spouse who is still entitled to the truth no matter how much you... (read in full...)
I'm seeing a guy who has a girlfriend
Q. I've been seeing someone for a while now and we both seem to really like each other. The only problem is.. he has a girlfriend. He's never once mentioned breaking up with her, in fact he tells me nothing about her. I don't even know her name. Any ...
A. 15 November 2012: You don’t stand anywhere.
you lie… in his bed… with your legs spread. Nothing more nothing less.
If you want to know where you stand stop having sex… it will be apparent fast…
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't satisfy me sexually, and it is making want sex with is brother.
Q. Dear. Cupid, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and have lived with him and his brother the entire time. I love my life the way it is and I love my boyfriend. I want to spend the rest of my life with him,but he can't satisfy me sexually. I ...
A. 15 November 2012: I love my husband. he sucks in bed. Totally completely sucks. He knows this too thankfully. I would never consider having sex with someone else... I can bring myself to orgasm and my husband ROCKS my WORLD in terms of love and affection....
... (read in full...)
Why do involved guys send texts to other girls?
Q. My boyfriend has been sending dirty texts to other girls and he knows that I know. Why do guys send dirty message to other girls if they're in a relationship?...
A. 15 November 2012: Men that are committed to their partners and their relationships DO NOT send texts to other women.
Your boyfriend is a dog. He does not respect you nor does he care about your feelings... it's all about him.
consider leaving him sooner r... (read in full...)
I get sick when I give blowjobs and swallow but husband wants me to do it!
Q. My husband wanted me to try swallowing when i give him a blowjob. Ive tried before but the thought makes me feel really sick and when i tried it i was sick which was pretty embarrasing/horrible. Its nothing personal to my husband its just not ...
A. 15 November 2012: some folks don't like it..
me personally the way I give a BJ it's so far back in my throat I don't taste it or even really notice it... so no taste no texture issues.
you say you tried and got sick... at what point? are you going t... (read in full...)
GIrls: Do you like hairy guys?
Q. Hi This question is for mostly for girls. Do you find attractive "hairy men"(hope you understand), who has hair in chest,back and legs,or maybe you will dump them.Also do you think guys with classic beard are attractive, even I think this depen...
A. 15 November 2012: I don't care about facial hair as long as it's well groomed.
I like a man with hairy forearms and legs... even a cute fuzzy butt is ok...
hair on your back.. WAX IT. do not like a hair back...
chest hair... well I prefer some... waxed o... (read in full...)
Do we keep the baby and give up our dreams of going abroad?
Q. Hi, it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I am 32 years old, just married to the most amazing man ever: we are very much in love. Today I found out I am pregnant, despite being on birth control (how is that even possible?). Anyway...
A. 15 November 2012: LDRs are so hard.
Raising babies is so hard.
unlike the male anonymous reader I don't see any red flags here at all.
just a HUGE SURPRISE!
IF you planned on having children later on, I suggest keeping this little one. Getting pregna... (read in full...)
Help me leave my wife
Q. I am not happy in my marriage. My wife is my best friend, but there is no real desire or passion. In addition, she is an alcoholic. We've struggled with these issues for a long time and I have reached the end of my rope. My problem is that I...
A. 15 November 2012: can you cut back on your expenses?
is your wife working?
does she know you want a divorce? IF NOT you must tell her.
have you moved into the guest room? IF not that would be the first thing... separate bedrooms, separate lives... ... (read in full...)
My ex owes me money! Is it worth trying to get it back?
Q. Grrrrr, i can't believe I am yet again posting about my ex... He owes me money for a car that i sold back to him before the summer (at his request might i add) I have sent him a couple of reminder emails, but just get fobbed off each time, last ...
A. 15 November 2012: personally I would chalk it up to lessons learned and let it go.
my ex husband owes me $2k I will never see it. He's probably forgotten about it but it speaks to the kind of man he is...
would you have sold a car to a stranger with them O... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to stop playing with my hair? He's caused a lot of it to fall out!
Q. Ok this is a stupid question but I need as many suggestions as possible. My boyfriend always plays with my hair and I need him to stop. He does it without thinking, in the car, in his sleep, laying in his arms watching tv, at the cinema, sitting ...
A. 15 November 2012: we normally lose about 100 hairs a day the longer the hair the more noticable it is...
put a rubber band on his wrist. every time he touches your head tell him NO and snap the rubber band... Since you don't think you are worthy of NO MEANS... (read in full...)
Can I break up with my girlfriend and still be friends?
Q. I have decided that it is time to break up with my girlfriend. We have been together for over a year and I feel that she's not in it anymore. We have not been alone together in over two months other than school. I have tried to make plans with her ...
A. 15 November 2012: 1. only you can decide if you should break up with her, but if she's not wanting to meet up with you, then you probably should end it.
2. basically you tell her "it's not working out any more and it's time for us to move on" she may give you... (read in full...)
What is romantic? Summer or winter?
Q. whether you're seeing someone, or in a relationship do you find it's more romantic in the summer or winter? I would have assumed it'd be summer, but then my mate says he finds winter is better. What do you guys think? And also, can you mind saying ...
A. 15 November 2012: summer romance: evening walks along the beach..
winter romance: a fireplace with hot cocoa or hot buttered rum and lovely time together
... (read in full...)
If I don't ask her out will she be offended?
Q. Okay, this one is complicated. Keeping in mind that I am not looking for a girlfriend, riddle me this: the girl I like has found out from other sources that I like her, and I have not confirmed it. Apparently, she likes me and dosn't think I like ...
A. 15 November 2012: If you don't want a girlfriend yet then why even worry about asking her out?
IF you were to ask her out on a date, this is how I would like to see it happen:
You say to her "hey Beth (or whatever her name is don't call her beth if her name... (read in full...)
How can I seduce the man at work?is he even interested in me?
Q. I am recently new in my team and this man has just caught my eye. he is atleast 20 years older i'm 22. He is single!! not no home wrecker. But we get along like house on fire. So far its just the glances, smiling, cheaky comments. Today h...
A. 15 November 2012: let me ask you which is more important
A JOB or some fun times with a guy old enough to be your dad?
Now before you all think I'm down on age gaps, I'm not in general.... my husband is 13 years younger than I am.
I do get concerned th... (read in full...)
How does a much older man approach a young woman who hates men?
Q. I too have a propensity for endearment for a woman 21 years younger than me. I have watched her evolve from a 23 year old girl to a 31 year woman and have gone from a crush to something else much stonger. Only problem is that she hates men due to...
A. 15 November 2012: I ask your heart "how does it feel to want?"
you have several things going against you:
1. she's a co-worker and it's NEVER a good idea to date a co-worker... if it does not work out ONE of you will have to either find a new job or cope wi... (read in full...)
I don't understand the big deal about men watching porn.
Q. this is a genuine honest question that i can't seem to understand. I've seen many questions on here about girls who are unhappy that their boyfriends watch porn. Thing is, I don't ask my boyfriend if he does because I assume he does for his own ...
A. 15 November 2012: In my book cheating is ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
If my husband went to the race track and spent money and did not tell me, that's cheating.
I know he looks at porn. We've looked at it together so to me it's not chea... (read in full...)
How do you deal with losing someone who made you genuinely happy when you did nothing to cause the distance?
Q. Thank u in advance for ur help. So i had a female friend who i have been getting along with since September. We would see and talk to one another at least twice a week. I had feelings for her but since it was a great connection i let it play itself ...
A. 14 November 2012: IF you really like her, then do it.... it's not too late.... (read in full...)
How old were you the first time you had sex? How was it?
Q. Hello I'm curious to know in what age you had first time sex(intercourse), and how was it?...
A. 14 November 2012: Too young... 14
how was it... anti-climatic
and sadly to this day intercourse is my least favorite sexual activity.... (read in full...)
My husband flipped out because I wore a male co-worker's jacket! Is he making it too big of a deal?
Q. Hi everyone. Pretty quick question: Is it okay to wear a male coworker's jacket if you are married? My husband found out that my coworker let's me wear his jacket at work and totally flipped out. I don't see the harm in it. Let me know what you th...
A. 14 November 2012: why were you wearing his jacket? and why does your hubby know about it? I mean seriously I don't tell my husband stuff that goes on in my office "honey I got cold and I ended up wearing Fred's jacket" are just not topics of conversation at ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't want any kids so why does he always want sex when I am at the most fertile time?
Q. my bf of ovr 22 yrs says he doesnt want more kids, but the way he acts during sex and how he seems to not be so worried about geting me pregnant and asking when every month my period is due and we always eem to have sex only during the most ...
A. 14 November 2012: does he understand how cycles work?
I mean if my husband asked "when is your period due?" it's not to plan to impregnate me as he would have no clue when I ovulate as he does not get how cycles work.
and why is this a concern... are you n... (read in full...)
How do you deal with losing someone who made you genuinely happy when you did nothing to cause the distance?
Q. Thank u in advance for ur help. So i had a female friend who i have been getting along with since September. We would see and talk to one another at least twice a week. I had feelings for her but since it was a great connection i let it play itself ...
A. 14 November 2012: I'm in agreement with Sweet-Thing.. I'm betting she hoped you would make a move and when you didn't she figured you don't feel that way about her and to protect her heart she's making herself scarce.
how about you tell her how you really feel....... (read in full...)
How do we tell our parents that my 17 year old girlfriend is pregnant?
Q. I really don't know what to do with this situation. I'm 21, in my last year at undergrad (pursuing my PhD), and have a 17 year old girlfriend back home who, after a very passionate end-of-summer date in August, is now three months pregnant. And she ...
A. 14 November 2012: Ok yes TECHNICALLY if her parents push the issue you could be labeled a child sex offender... but seeing as they knew and approved I'm doubting the Statutory Rape Issue is going to be a huge deal. Dad will be angry, mom will cry. Your parents ... (read in full...)
Should I get a second ear piercing?
Q. i want to get a second ear piercing because i think they are cute and catchy. i just really like them and almost obsessed with them. it's just whenever i want to go and get a second piercing i always wonder if it would ruin my ear, as i've always ...
A. 14 November 2012: I have 4 holes in each ear lobe and a cartilage piercing.
I only wear two earrings in each ear... my second holes have screw back studs that I only remove for surgical events where I can't wear metal, otherwise i forget I have it in. It just got... (read in full...)
We cant be together because of the distance, but cant bear to be apart either!
Q. Ok so here's my question.. Do I keep trying or do I give up? I met a wonderful man last year and we began dating, it was never easy as he lives 200 miles away but we managed to see eachother once a week for a year and things were great, we went on ...
A. 14 November 2012: Sadly if you two can't make this work LDR for three years (the limits of his job and your refusal justified with small children) to move the children) then he's done the right thing.
Sometimes love does NOT conquer all.
And it sucks.
... (read in full...)
Caught my husband watching porn, what should I do?
Q. dear all, i feel devastated after i caught my husband watching porn and masturbating. we just came back from a vacation in italy and had a blast! im 27 and even though i hav 2 kids i have a good thin body . i. wat happened is that i woke up and w...
A. 14 November 2012: I guess I'm abnormal and think like a guy because my response would be BFD... so he looked at some porn.
Growing up my dad kept playboy and penthouse in his night table and I found "The joy of SEX" that my MOTHER had given him as a gift for... (read in full...)
Teenager finds 50 year olds attractive?
Q. I'm 16 and I find men in their 50's attractive. Is this normal?...
A. 14 November 2012: Is this a generic ALL men are attractive or just some?
JUST some is fine.
I'm 52 and I have men from 20 something to 70 something hit on me all the time... I'm cute. I know it.
I find men in their 20s attractive
I find some men ... (read in full...)
My specialist doctor makes me feel very uncomfortable around him.
Q. I've been seeing a specialist doctor over the last couple of years about an medical problem regarding an intimate area and have to see him again in the future for check ups. I feel a bit uncomfortable around him. He stares at my lips the whole ...
A. 13 November 2012: I'm going to tell you that for me in my experience most doctors with LOUSY bedside manners are usually excellent in their field and I tend to tough it out with them especially if they are a specialist and I only have to see them once in a while.
... (read in full...)
How do you deal with losing someone who made you genuinely happy when you did nothing to cause the distance?
Q. Thank u in advance for ur help. So i had a female friend who i have been getting along with since September. We would see and talk to one another at least twice a week. I had feelings for her but since it was a great connection i let it play itself ...
A. 13 November 2012: have you asked her what's wrong?
... (read in full...)
Questions for the ladies-- set 2
Q. Hey ladies, set 2: Question 4: Have you ever fantasised about one of your boyfriends/ husbands friends? My answer: Once or twice Question 5: Do you secretly watch porn behind your mans back? Well we know a lot of men do this and try to kee...
A. 13 November 2012: Question 4: Have you ever fantasised about one of your boyfriends/ husbands friends?
didn't have to I slept with most of them.... boring.
my fantasy now when I'm alone is about my husband... boring I know..
Question 5: Do you secretly w... (read in full...)
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