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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Questions for the ladies-- set 2
Q. Hey ladies, set 2: Question 4: Have you ever fantasised about one of your boyfriends/ husbands friends? My answer: Once or twice Question 5: Do you secretly watch porn behind your mans back? Well we know a lot of men do this and try to kee...
A. 13 November 2012: Question 4: Have you ever fantasised about one of your boyfriends/ husbands friends?
didn't have to I slept with most of them.... boring.
my fantasy now when I'm alone is about my husband... boring I know..
Question 5: Do you secretly w... (read in full...)
I left my wife for a woman half my age. Now I hear crap like she will leave me one day, how do I stop it and what do I do if she does leave?
Q. let me start out by saying that i usually dont need advice but im truly upset. i am 49 cheated on my wife with a girl half my age, left my wife for her, got a divorce, got engaged, and now im going to be a father for the first time, to my own child. ...
A. 13 November 2012: The probability does exist that she will leave down the road.
It may be something other than money.. maybe after 20 years she will be bored with you like you got bored with your first wife and then have an affair.
She's already demonstr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is dirty and won't take a shower for me, how can I get him to?
Q. My Boyfriend does not like to keep himself hygienically clean. He is almost a 40 year old man. His average is a shower every three days. He thinks that he is clean. It gets hard to be intimate due to his lack of cleanliness; it affects my sex life ...
A. 13 November 2012: he won't change.. my ex husband is like that.... he would bathe for everyone but me...
note he's an ex... it was not the reason but it was a contributing factor.... (read in full...)
How much do you normally spend on Christmas gifts for in laws and parents?
Q. I have a question regarding Christmas gift giving. How much do you typically spend on parents and in laws for Christmas? I can only really use my own family and my husbands family as examples and we do things pretty differently so I'm curious what ...
A. 13 November 2012: I'm jewish... I give my kids each a check for 100 bucks and that's it... nothing to dad or inlaws..
but if I could afford it I would give my kids and my dad the world..... so you give what you can.
my friend give each of her kids gifts t... (read in full...)
Questions for the ladies....
Q. I want to ask the ladies a few questions. I hear so much about what MEN want from women and their relationships but not so much about what women want, in fact a lot of the time the women seem to be asking questions about how they can improve for ...
A. 13 November 2012: Ok I’m game:
First of all I’m 52 so in case age makes a difference for you. I’ve had two children by C-section. I’m married to a younger man and purely monogamous (a newlywed) but in previous marriages I’ve been a swinger and open sexually... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing by walking away when my fiance was staring at a woman? He didn't try to find me.
Q. My fiance stares a lot at women in front of me. I've talked to him about it, but to no avail. His staring can get blatant, up and down looks, looking at their rear. No matter where we go, he looks or tries to sneak a peek in. I see it all even if ...
A. 13 November 2012: you are playing games honey.
you said "i'm going to the rest room" when my husband goes to the rest room he could be gone for a while... maybe you had to go really badly and he didn't want to disturb you. IF you had needed him you would ha... (read in full...)
I have to break up with him but I don't know how to!
Q. Well, how to begin... I am 26. year old woman who is in love with man 25 years older than me. So we met in very strange way and we loved each other from the first moment we shook hands. He is from another country and we have seen each other not ...
A. 13 November 2012: If you are happy and he is happy and you are both over 21 I do not see how you think you have to break up with him.
You do not have to live your life to please anyone but yourself....
Unless it's a case of YOU want children and he does... (read in full...)
Masturbation Question
Q. Can i marstabate whilst on a period?...
A. 13 November 2012: of course you can... if you masturbate with insertion into the vagina it might be messy so put a dark colored towel under yourself or do it in the shower.
orgasms are known to help reduce cramping.... (read in full...)
Should I tell him or just carry on and get rid of it?
Q. So ive only been intimate with one man for the last 3 months, last month my period came oct. 15 until oc 20. We had sex oct. 21. And after that we text one time until we hung out again but i was drunk n messed things up between us, he said he would ...
A. 13 November 2012: Have you taken a pregnancy test?
You had a period October 15
if you have a typical 28 day cycle you probably did not even ovulate until around the 29th of October.
If you had sex October 21 then it's HIGHLY UNLIKELY you are pregnant... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your hymen to be broken and you are still a virgin?
Q. I am very stubborn… I finally went out with the guy and we spent a day together... I still footed half the bill… but I think I lost my virginity… I still feel as one tho… His did not penetrate me… I did not allow him but I saw blood on the bed and ...
A. 13 November 2012: Did he TRY to put his penis in your vagina... because even if he got a tip in, then yes sadly you lost your virginity.
If he did it with his fingers... you are technically still a virgin.
... (read in full...)
I am getting fed up with my boyfriends ex wife
Q. I am getting fed up with my boyfriends ex wife. She is too dependent on him for jobs and advice and see`s him as her best friend. Yes, granted, I think if there was any chance of getting him back she wouldnt waste a moment. I have told him my ...
A. 13 November 2012: I agree with EWO as usual. It's not your place to say anything to her.
IF you have already told him how you feel and you trust him then you will just have to deal with it.
clearly this has not changed since you started dating him so you knew ... (read in full...)
She's not interested in "shrooming" with me...
Q. I really love her, we've been together for 9 months as of the other day. I ask that anyone who reads this, do so with an open mind and not cast judgement or speak against "drugs", assert that I have a problem or anything likewise. Things were really ...
A. 13 November 2012: Honey I know folks that do 'shrooms
I have no issues with folks doing what they want to do.
I know you are disappointed that she "lied" to you by saying she wanted to do it and she would and now she's not going to do it. I can understanding th... (read in full...)
Would you break up with someone over something like this?
Q. My boyfriends exes have all looked very similar, tall, very thin with a flat chest. He's not particularly tall, 5'10''. I'm quite short, I have broad shoulders, big boobs, but small waist and hips with muscly thighs. I'm not fat so I don't have body ...
A. 12 November 2012: I would not break up with someone just because I was not the same physical type as his ex gfs...
FWIW, looking at other people you find attractive does not mean you don't find your partner attractive.... ... (read in full...)
Do guys really prefer girls with long hair?
Q. do guys really prefer girls with long hair? I have really long dark hair down to my waist, but most the time I leave it naturally curly/wavy because it looks nicer and has more texture. But the amount of guys who mention my hair on a night out is ...
A. 12 November 2012: I have found that most guys like long hair... some prefer curly some straight.
my very weird husband prefers short and straight so I think that it's going to depend on the guy.... therefore wear your hair to please yourself....... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never compliments me, and I'm becoming overly jealous over his friendships with other girls! Help!
Q. So I have been dating this guy for about 2 weeks now, but we have been friends since 5th grade. He's Russian and though he was born here he acts very much like his father who is a pure blood russian that litterally came 2 America from russia. So my ...
A. 12 November 2012: First of all, I know many Russian men who are very affectionate and complimentary... your issue is not about a culture or a heritage... it's just how your current boyfriend is.
They call it SELF-esteem... it's not up to your boyfriend to... (read in full...)
Is it just the alcohol, or does he really know what he's doing?
Q. When my boyfriend is drunk, he always flirts with other girls. He'll grab their boobs etc. Or he lies about things. When I talk to him about this, he always says thats the alcohol talking. Does he really know what he is doing?...
A. 9 November 2012: He knows... he may not remember (a huge red flag if he is drinking enough for blackouts) but ALCOHOL does not make you do things you would not normally do if you were sober, it just takes away the inhibitions to do those things.
... (read in full...)
Is he playing games, advice please?
Q. There is this guy I like. We have had a fling in the past n it stopped due to his mates not liking me. Recently he has started to txt every now and again. We meet back up and he started bringing up the past, and asking me how my love life is? Also ...
A. 9 November 2012: I agree... he's horny and wants to get laid...... (read in full...)
A few questions on Birth Control pills
Q. Okay, so this will be a few questions concerning birth control pills and its effectiveness. This is for my own purpose only, not for any scientific purposes. The subjects will be those of you who had or taking birth control pills, and have one part...
A. 9 November 2012: well I took them a long time ago and I've had way more than one partner in my life but I never got pregnant when I did not want to....so here goes
no i never managed to remember to take them at the same time but i did manage to take them every d... (read in full...)
Where can I buy lingerie to surprise hubby for his bday
Q. Hi aunt and uncles. My q is in regards to lingerie. There arent any local places to buy lingerie and I have a harder time now that Im plus size, US 16/18. Does anyone know any good websites for plus size lingerie that has variety of colors? Red, ...
A. 9 November 2012: did you google "plus sized lingerie" ? tons of stuff will come up
btw do not buy by size... buy by measurements...... (read in full...)
My wife is in her mid 40's, she doesn't want sex and says her body has changed and menopause is kicking in. Should I buy that crap?
Q. I have a little problem, my wife is a hard working woman and does alot for our household but for the past few months she has been dead in the bed if you know what I mean. I have tried many things to bring our sex life back into action but shes ...
A. 9 November 2012: I'm 52 and in menopause (still not done but getting there) and I dog after my husband for sex... he's not interested.
Have you discussed this with your wife and her doctor? (and yes there would be no problem with you asking her if you could go... (read in full...)
Do I have a chance of taking him away from his girlfriend?
Q. Me and a guy at my job has been having a secret relationship for about a year during this time the relationship is a secret everyone knows. He has a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend(me and my boyfriend broke up for un-related reasons) now im singlr ...
A. 9 November 2012: I would not give him a key.
What will you do if you manage to "steal" this "prize" away from the woman he is lying to and cheating on? Will you trust him for one split second while he's out of your sight?
the first time you want sex and he ... (read in full...)
Is she only giving me BJ's because she loves me?
Q. Dear Aunts: My girlfriend and i have been together for 5 months. I love to have bj's from her and it turns me so much on when i finish in her mouth,i remain hard and makes me want to f*** her hard right away. We love each other very much, She s...
A. 9 November 2012: As a woman who loves to give my guy BJs I can tell you that I gag sometimes and we get very very wet…. But it’s the way he likes it that makes it happen that way… I never had it this way with other partners.
OF course we give blow jobs because ... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy who gets cold sores?
Q. This is only a quick question but something which is seriously troubling me... Some opinions from you lovely people would be appreciated! There is this guy from work I really like, we really click, if anything was to happen between us I know I w...
A. 9 November 2012: my husband has cold sores. we've been together for two years and any time he's stressed he breaks out in one spot on his upper lip. I don't stop kissing him... (not cool I know) and yet I've not gotten cold sores yet.
I so would NOT discount... (read in full...)
Caught my boyfriend on dating sites, after calling me a slut and a stalker he then claims it was a virus!
Q. I have found out my boyfriend has been going on dating sites. When I asked him about it he went mad at me and started calling me a stalker, said I dont trust him because I myself am not to be trusted, called me a slut and then turned it around to ...
A. 9 November 2012: Normally when someone who is wrong gets caught, they get angry and try to blame it on you when they are not adult enough to take responsibility for their actions. Your sister is right. You should leave.
1. You don’t trust him (with good rea... (read in full...)
69 year old with a 23 year old, is this wrong?
Q. I am 69. I love a girl who is just 23. I am madly in love with her and have a full grown sexual and complete relationship with her. Is it wrong or ok?...
A. 9 November 2012: I agree with oldbag it's not right, it's not wrong. it just is.
the problem is that at 23 she will want very different things than you do at 69 and in 20 years she will be 43 and you will be either nearly 90 or already gone...
I'm 52 my hus... (read in full...)
I cant cope with missing him so much, any advice?
Q. Hey there. :) Hope I can get some advice for something. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months. We're very happy and love each other very much. Things are going great! But I've always found it difficult to cope when I miss him. We live...
A. 9 November 2012: I feel your pain. My husband and I started out as LDR in late 2010 we were 2 hours by car... so we had very little time. If we had been an hour we would have probably been together even more...
an hour's drive here is often a daily commute ... (read in full...)
I'm confused, some advice please!
Q. I'm still a virgin,but sometimes last month,i and my boyfriend had anal sex and he said he didnt come and i didnt see any sign of blood that my hymen is broken but i've been expectin my period for almost a week now,do you think i'm still a virgin or ...
A. 9 November 2012: TECHNICALLY you are a virgin since we normally define virginity as a person who has not had genital to genital contact. (i.e. a penis in your vagina)
Do you know how babies are made? IF not, you need to look that up first and foremost... (read in full...)
Too embarassed to buy condoms! Help!
Q. I'm 19 and my bf is 22. We've been together for almost a year and we feel like we're ready to have sex. We understand the consequences of having unprotected sex. Hence despite both of us being virgins, we still want to use a condom. Problem is: ...
A. 9 November 2012: IF you are too embarrassed to buy condoms you are not ready to have sex.
as for 'the size of a guys package' honey he's not going to the grocery store. call it a penis. IF you can't say PENIS you are not ready to have sex.
and yes som... (read in full...)
He says we can't have a relationship if wee don't have sex. I'm not ready for that, and don't know what to do!
Q. I met a guy online..and he has been saying that intimacy goes hand in hand with a relationship.. and he is not willing to compromise on imtimacy... i lied to him once about not being able to make it to a second date.. sinc e i was scared we were ...
A. 9 November 2012: How is he a nice person if after a first date he’s pushing you for sex? He’s not a nice guy. Intimacy is very different from sex.
ONE date and you are fighting….
He’s rude
He wants to get laid.
WALK away from this loser.
... (read in full...)
How can I try giving b/f a rim job?
Q. How do I know if my boyfriend wants a rim job and how do I do it? We have a great intercourse relationship we always change things up, but sometimes when I give him blowjobs I get The feeling that he wants me to lick his ass he has done it to me...
A. 9 November 2012: how do you know if he wants it? you ask him.
but if you don't WANT to do it then don't OFFER.
many men like anal play when getting a bj... does not mean they want a rim job... sometimes just pressing on the area with a finger (watch the... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 9 November 2012: POO is right OP…. “we had a great time” does that mean “we had sex”? because if you had sex with him, you are in for the roller coaster ride of a lifetime. As my husband said to me 2 years ago when I offered him a NSA/FWB relationship “why ... (read in full...)
The boyfriend or the ex? Which one do I love?
Q. so im currently in a long distance relationship. in the past my boyfriend has cheated , i had broken up with him but later on took him back. Now 4 my ex of 2years ago are speaking once again, i've ALWAYS had these strong feelings towards him that ...
A. 9 November 2012: Dear OP,
I was 16/17 yesterday and in 35 years you will say the same thing. Teens have not changed. I was mature for my age. My mother was married at 19 (and she died at 58 in the same man’s arms) so she was mature for her age as well, cl... (read in full...)
Any advice on where to meet guys? Tried hobbies, gym and bars with no success.
Q. I absolutely don't know where to meet guys. At work most of guys are married or involved or much older, plus it's not a good idea to date anyone from work. In Gym where I go to, there is never any interaction. I just work out there 3 times a week a...
A. 8 November 2012: Board Game conventions. Seriously. its about 80% male...some married, some single.... all nice.
THE only problem with board gammers is we are all social awkward... IT's almost like a meeting of the Asperger's Society... but that means w... (read in full...)
The boyfriend or the ex? Which one do I love?
Q. so im currently in a long distance relationship. in the past my boyfriend has cheated , i had broken up with him but later on took him back. Now 4 my ex of 2years ago are speaking once again, i've ALWAYS had these strong feelings towards him that ...
A. 8 November 2012: never stay in a relationship just so you don't hurt someone.
and yes at 16/17 you are too young to be LDR...... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find others unattractive even if you find only one person attractive?
Q. I asked these kind of questions in many different ways but i could't get satisfying answers so i'm asking in an easier way to understand.believe me or not i only find my husband attractive and beautiful and my husband says he feels the same way. But ...
A. 8 November 2012: no there is no conflict. I don't know that I believe him but sure you can find only one person beautiful.
interestingly enough, my husband is geeky looking.. not handsome by any stretch of the imagination but he's mine and when I see his face... (read in full...)
He's pushing me away, he doesn't want to break up or leave.. What's going on?
Q. Im in a long distance relationship and see eachother once a month at the moment untill i get a job closer to him. He has been acting distant with me but says that it's ok for men to act distant cause that just men and that hell never stop loving me. ...
A. 8 November 2012: no not all men are distant.
in August 2010 I laid eyes on a guy I thought was cute. I made a pass at him... he was flattered but clueless. In November 2010 I hit the poor boy over the head with a stick and said "HEY I'm HERE"... he lived 2 ... (read in full...)
Is it cheating if your husband encourages it?
Q. What should I do? My husband of almost ten years and I talk about everything. He knows exactly what I like and he satisfies me but I have been having a fantasy about being in a threesome. My husband likes the idea but doesn't think the other guy ...
A. 8 November 2012: kissing is cheating as is oral.
IF your husband approves of it and the other guys know your hubby is ok with it... then it's not cheating.
cheating is anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner in my book...
in this case it's... (read in full...)
He's making me choose, him or my dream, what do I do?
Q. Hey there guys/gals. I am in need of help :/ Let me explain: I am 18 and have a boyfriend of a little over a year and known him for about 6 years. We both have dreams and aspirations as many others although he's not very fond of mine. My dream is...
A. 8 November 2012: This is easy for me.... the person that forces you to make a choice is the loser ALWAYS.
I have friends... I have been friends with them since 2002. Last year when my now husband and I got serious, the wife said to me "my husband can't stand ... (read in full...)
The boyfriend or the ex? Which one do I love?
Q. so im currently in a long distance relationship. in the past my boyfriend has cheated , i had broken up with him but later on took him back. Now 4 my ex of 2years ago are speaking once again, i've ALWAYS had these strong feelings towards him that ...
A. 8 November 2012: IF you can't figure out which one to be with, then being single for a bit might be a good plan.
how long will you and the LDR boyfriend have to be apart... to me that has a ton of bearing on it... I did an LDR (I've done a few in my day) but ... (read in full...)
Why Does He Feel He Has to give love up to protect his daughter from his ex?
Q. I was in a LDR for almost 8 months when he finally said he had to end it because it would prevent the pain from being worst. I met this man online...and I only had agreed to even chat with him because he was suppose to be relocating to the city I ...
A. 8 November 2012: he has joint custody... there is no need for him to go to Asia. he can tell the mom she can't take the child and then the mom can make the choice.
he gets a lawyer and tells the ex that she can't take his child out of the country.
when i ... (read in full...)
Help! Penis problem!
Q. Hi everyone, This isn't a relationship question, more sexual health. I few days ago I was taking a bath, went to pull my foreskin back to wash and there was a huge build up of smegma and it smelt pretty awful. A few days prior to that, whilst m...
A. 7 November 2012: it's possible you have a yeast infection. I would go see a doctor.... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 22 October 2012: people do not like ending things.... they feel like failures.
truth is you are not a victim here nor are you at his whim.
You can take control. YOU can end it. and then block him and be done with it... and move on...
we as women tend ... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 22 October 2012: Ah I see from your follow up you are fine with him being gone you just don't like the "not knowing"
well you know.... his actions are telling you.
over and done...
treat it that way... but then when he does come back to you you must n... (read in full...)
I haven't felt this sad or hurt in ages and I just don't know what to do. He was so nice and now he just seems to have run away!
Q. I'm 49 and I can't believe I've allowed myself to be put in this position. I've been seeing a guy and it's been like fireworks. Thrilling every time. Now, after telling me he loves getting my messages and texts (some quite racy)...he hasn't replied ...
A. 22 October 2012: How long have you been seeing this guy? Because if it’s only been a short time, you are experiencing the flash, crash and burn syndrome. So often men (more so than women) start out like GANGBUSTERS… and go a few weeks or even a few months all ... (read in full...)
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