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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Would I be a horrible wife if I found another home for this terrible dog?
Q. I don't know what to do about my husband's dog! He found the dog wondering the streets and took him in when no one claimed him. This was before we even started dating. I quickly realized why no one wanted to claim this dog... He was not potty ...
A. 20 January 2013: I had a dog I adopted as a puppy. she was our second dog and I loved her. Till she bit my kid. I had her put down the next day.
I love dogs.. .but not if they have bad temperament.
I would personally give my husband a choice here...
... (read in full...)
A girl at work told me that she's been having an affair with my dad, she's pregnant, and that she wants to marry him, and they're in love!! How will I ever cope?
Q. Recently I found out off my friend [a girl in work] that she's been having an affair with my dad. What she said next was the kicker - she told me she's pregnant, and that she wants to marry him, and they're in love!!! I feel sick, disgusted and up...
A. 20 January 2013: You mention you told your mom.... what did your dad say?
You say your mom is not leaving and wants to save the marriage (good for her for taking her vows seriously) what DOES YOUR DAD WANT?
You telling your mom was not your place. What d... (read in full...)
He wants me to give up my dream of children because he already has 4 kids
Q. i am desperately in.love with an.older man. i met him 2years ago however i have learned that he has 4 kids to his ex gf. i know he has been.hurt in.the past but he.wants me to give up my chances of having children because he already has them. i dont ...
A. 20 January 2013: you need to accept that he does not want kids
his kids will never be your kids and therefore you will never be happy without your own children.
I'm sorry but this is a fundamental issue that causes breakups.
IF you want children and he doe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to go to Amsterdam for a stag party for gorgeous hookers and strippers
Q. Hey, this is probably a divided opinion sort of question haha, but please try to respect my opinion. :) My boyfriend of 4 months has on occasion openly "gawked" over other girls, girls 1000000x more attractive than me. On top of this, not once (...
A. 19 January 2013: oh even I think he's wrong. And I have no issues with strippers or porn.... and do not consider either cheating.
But I do consider hookers cheating. Always.
you are not the most hideous person alive. He is. And his BAD behavior is... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and I want to move out & stop being grounded/have my possessions taken from me!
Q. Im 18 and I continually get my electronics taken away from me that I paid for and am continually grounded. I have a bedtime of 10 on school nights, and it varies on weekends. I have some money put away for savings and Im in school right now...
A. 19 January 2013: aside from your medical problems, are there other issues you are not mentioning?
you sound much like my Autistic Spectrum child (since Aspergers in no longer in the DSM)
do you have any disorders such as ADHD or learning disabilitie... (read in full...)
How long do I need before I can stop taking the mini pill?
Q. Hi, i've been on the mini pill less than a month but its causing very irregular bleeding so I want to come off it and just stick with condoms. Anyway my question is; how long do I need to keep taking it before I come off it, if the last time I had ...
A. 19 January 2013: you should contact your doctor and not just stop the pill without a consult.
and ask the doctor what other options you have... there are other brands and types of pills. ... (read in full...)
My BF blocked my Facebook since I posted and blamed on a sexy photo of an entertaining girl whom he often visits her page. Am I nothing to him?
Q. Hi everyone. My long distance BF often visits a Facebook page of a sexy young girl working as an entertainer by showing body in bikini in sexy ways. I've known there are some sexy young girls on his page so far, they are working for a small Asian ...
A. 19 January 2013: Yes and it's ok to take time to heal! it's lousy to find out that the person you thought loved you as much as you loved them, didn't love you enough or at all.
LDRS can work but I've rarely seen them work when they are more than a few hours ap... (read in full...)
I like a girl who's in a relationship. How do I find out how she feels about me?
Q. I met this girl, she has a girlfriend, but we went on a drunken night out and ended up sleeping together. We then have had a couple of times where we nearly slept together again, but both stopped it as it wasn't fair on her girlfriend. Problem is, ...
A. 18 January 2013: does not matter how she feels she has a gf
if she dumped her gf for you or cheated on her gf with you
and then became your gf would you ever trust her out of your sight?... (read in full...)
Ex sent me dirty pictures says its because of me that he's hard. What do I do?
Q. Well, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying he missed me, then he ended up sending me a dirty picture saying I'm the reason that it's well hard. I'm pretty sure he only wants one thing . Should I just ignore him or what?...
A. 18 January 2013: ewww... if he's under 18 and you want him to be taught a lesson, you could report him as it's illegal.
otherwise i would not only ignore it. I would delete it and block his number.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend shows no intimacy or romance when he initiates sex. What can I do to change things?
Q. I really don't know what to do about my situation, and would really appreciate some advice. My sex life with my boyfriend is really getting me down. I really want intimacy and to feel like my boyfriend desires me sexually, but this is usually...
A. 18 January 2013: nope not even remotely normal.
and not kind.
my husband sleeps naked and he would never dream of placing my hand on his genitals for me. IF i wanna touch him I touch him.
And my husband is the most selfish clueless lover there is.... (read in full...)
Husband sent a "lets have sex" message to a colleague
Q. My husband went out a few weeks ago with his friends to a concert. In the morning he was a bit hungover, but got up, went to the washroom and then hid his phone. I felt bad for snooping, but I wondered why he hid his phone so I found it and looked ...
A. 18 January 2013: he was wrong first. and he gave you a reason to snoop. You knew when he hid his phone he was hiding something.
if some woman sent my husband a text message saying "let's fuck" He would
a. laugh at it
b. show it to me.
If I got... (read in full...)
Should my wife and I try swinging?
Q. My wife is keen for us to move in the direction of swinging, really soft-swinging, at least at first. What she has in mind is us each doing stuff (everything short of penatrative sex) with other couples. She is also keen for each of us to do...
A. 18 January 2013: what happened next was my marriage broke up...
it will NOT fix a broken marriage... every marriage I know that went into it to try to fix BORING or whatever have died.
I know a few couples that are married LONG term (over 25 years, over 20 ye... (read in full...)
My husband left me to go to the states while I wait for my visa. I miss him!
Q. i got married two month back and a two weeks ago my husband left me and went to states and i am here waiting for my visa to come. the problem is that i miss him alot. i spend most of the day looking at his picture and crying.we videotalk on a daily ...
A. 18 January 2013: are you able to eat?
are you able to attend to daily tasks?
how long is your visa going to take?
why did he go with out you?
all of these questions have bearing on what my response to helping you cope will be.... (read in full...)
Moment of silence for Dear Abby
Q. I think we should have a moment of silence for the passing of our fellow agoney aunt Dear Abby....
A. 18 January 2013: I hope she and her twin Ann Landers are happy together
Both were very influential in my lifetime.... (read in full...)
My BF blocked my Facebook since I posted and blamed on a sexy photo of an entertaining girl whom he often visits her page. Am I nothing to him?
Q. Hi everyone. My long distance BF often visits a Facebook page of a sexy young girl working as an entertainer by showing body in bikini in sexy ways. I've known there are some sexy young girls on his page so far, they are working for a small Asian ...
A. 18 January 2013: Honey you have not even met in person yet and you are planing to be together in 3 or 4 years.
I've done LDR (we were a mere 2 hours apart by car but it was lousy)
I would say you two are pretty much not going to happen and it's probably... (read in full...)
So what's my next move? The guy at work I'm very very attracted to? Or my Bf of one year?
Q. hello, i work in a medium sized company, 7months ago a new guy joined our team of 6. He is really good looking, attractive, polite ect ect. we do get on really well and i feel attracted to him, he is very much my type to be honest. The thing is ...
A. 18 January 2013: it's normal to find others attractive when you are in a relationship. IT does not necessarily mean your relationship is over.
I would actually suggest strongly you NEVER date someone you work closely with.
when you say "should I cut him of... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my LDR partner whilst visiting him, or on the phone?
Q. I've been thinking about breaking up with my bf for a while now. We've been together for over 2 years, and while there isn't anything specifically wrong, and we get on great, but I just don't feel right about it, and I know I dont want to be with ...
A. 18 January 2013: Going to visit to break up seems a bit over the top even if it is just a 3 hour trip. IF you break up when you first get there, you would probably drive right back home and that's a lot of driving in one day (BTDT)
If you wait till the end of t... (read in full...)
My BF blocked my Facebook since I posted and blamed on a sexy photo of an entertaining girl whom he often visits her page. Am I nothing to him?
Q. Hi everyone. My long distance BF often visits a Facebook page of a sexy young girl working as an entertainer by showing body in bikini in sexy ways. I've known there are some sexy young girls on his page so far, they are working for a small Asian ...
A. 18 January 2013: A long distance 16 year age gap with jealousy and insecurity is not a stable relationship.
what you did was wrong
what he did to block you was his way of coping.
what's your plan for being together IRL?... (read in full...)
What do most people consider as porn? Would looking at nude pics classify as watching porn?
Q. My ex and I were constantly getting in fights about him watching porn. In the end it wasn't so much that he was watching porn that bothered me but the fact that he disrespected how I felt about it and wouldn't stop. But before that, for a long time ...
A. 18 January 2013: OP, I personally don't consider tasteful nudes to be porn.
Now Hustler and penthouse and the old fashioned split beaver shots... yeah maybe.
As for how I feel about porn... I have no problem with regular porn. I do not like violent porn or... (read in full...)
More than 6 years together, he's still putting off marriage and now its making me bitter and unhappy.
Q. Sorry for the length, I feel the information is necessary to get a good reply. THANKS to anyone who reads and replies! I am 24(female), my boyfriend is 33. We have been together for over 6 years and living together for just about 6 years. No majo...
A. 18 January 2013: I just must correct the misconception by the anonymous female poster that you will be common law if you live together long enough. That is not true.
I work for a federal agency and have to know the laws of common law marriage as they pertain ... (read in full...)
He stopped replying to my messages what should I do?
Q. Hey guys,,so i met this guy in our new neighbourhood and he seemed very nice! He's so cute and i began taking interest. So i friended him on facebook and we began talking but after a while,he stopped replying my inboxes! I sent like 4 to him and ...
A. 18 January 2013: You have to let it go. More on OP
... (read in full...)
How long do I wait for my husband to make up for a terrible 20th anniversary weekend?
Q. Married 20 years, received only a handful of birthday, anniversary, special occasion gifts. Read all the help columns and told husband exactly what I wanted for anniversary which was a week trip so we could reconnect. I started planning and he said ...
A. 17 January 2013: IF he thought it was fine and you had not told him, then he has a good point.
how about some counseling to work on communication skills?
that's why we go.... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for feeling guilty?
Q. Am I crazy for feeling guilty? My husband and I are separated. Many things led up to the separation including verbal and emotional abuse, lack of trust, lack of communication, and a lot of resentment. At the very end however, I told my husband ...
A. 17 January 2013: if you don't want to reconcile and don't want to make it work then don't.
And you have NOTHING to feel guilty for.... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish? I don't know where I stand in his life just now.
Q. I met a guy in November and we got together. It was getting quite serious and we felt the same way about each other. He recently had some life-changing news (ex-girlfriend is pregnant with his baby) and he is finding it extremely difficult to deal ...
A. 17 January 2013: I'm thinking he's going to try to make it work with the recent ex.
I would operate on the assumption that it's over.... (read in full...)
He said he just needed a few weeks and now he's using the same lines on her as he used on me!
Q. my boyfriend told me he felt lost so i told him to take some space, he told me we could still talk but just a little (we usually talk all the time nearly 24/7) he said that he didn't know if he loved me anymore and that he just needed a few weeks, ...
A. 17 January 2013: Sadly, "taking a break" and "I'm confused" are codes here for "there's someone else I'm interested in"
he will say he wants to work it out... keep you around as a backup to whatever happens with this new girl.
be prepared that even i... (read in full...)
Have things changed for the better, or am I just making it all up because I'm in love with him?
Q. This is probably going to be long, but please stick through because I really need some advice. I've been seeing a guy since September, but I can't tell exactly what we are. I met him last summer at work and I instantly liked him. I'm usually ...
A. 17 January 2013: yeah you are seeing what you want to see.
stop going to his apartment and having sex and see what happens.
you say he went to a party without you... WHY? why didn't he take you? Because you are a fuck buddy... nothing more
don't li... (read in full...)
What does he want from me?
Q. i really need advice and any help is greatly appreciated. i had a "friends with benefits" situation that lasted 8months with a guy but we both had feelings for each other. lets call him "Bulk." Bulk told me he was planning to make me his girlfriend ...
A. 17 January 2013: block any number you can that he might use and continue to block him
It does not really matter what he wants.
he lied to you in the past and will lie again.
best to no worry about him and move on.... (read in full...)
Guy I've been talking to has a girlfriend! What should I do?
Q. Well I have been talking to this guy for about 3 months now. We phone each other almost every night. He is really funny, kind and we share similar interests. I really enjoy talking to him and he says the same for me. Everything was great until ye...
A. 17 January 2013: Did he lie and say he didn't have a gf or did he just never tell you?
Did he imply he wanted YOU to be his gf?
see unless he was trying to date you, all he was doing is chatting with you and there is nothing wrong with that.
the problem... (read in full...)
Should I let my mom know she offended me when she mentioned a diet?
Q. This is just a quick question, but it's been bothering me for a few days. I was out shopping with my mum, and she suggested that I have a small salad for lunch as I am getting 'chunky'. She then proceeded to tell me that I look like a size 12 (...
A. 17 January 2013: I would contact your doctor and get your doctor's opinion on your weight. It sounds FINE to me.
IF you would like to tell your mom to back off, do so with the backing of the medical profession saying your weight is within healthy paramete... (read in full...)
Should I text him or not? He's newly separated from his wife and signed off sick.
Q. He is a work colleague who I do consider as a friend but it's only been a few months we have known each other . He has just got sick leave for three weeks. A part of me thinks it is related towards him separating with his wife. His colleague/f...
A. 17 January 2013: he's ignoring close friends what makes you think he's not going to ignore you.
YOU don't know why he's out for three weeks you supposed (or is it HOPE) it's about a separation from his spouse...
Maybe he's having his hemorrhoids remo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's children are not invited to my family's events. How can I handle this?
Q. I have a small predicament that I could do with some help with. Myself and my fella have been together over 18 months. He has 2 kids and we all love each other to bits. My parents took a long time to accept it but they have now. The only prob...
A. 17 January 2013: If you want these kids to be treated like part of your family then your family should respect that unless you have a history of meeting men like this bringing their kids into the family and then breaking up with them.
I would tell your family ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my internship because I'm so tired all the time!
Q. This is not really a relationship question, but about job performance (or lack thereof, in my case.) Since most of you have jobs or had one, I would really appreciate your advice on this. Right now I'm finishing up my studies at uni through an i...
A. 17 January 2013: A DAILY commute of 1.5 hours each way is more than enough.
If you can't find someoen to stay with during the week, and you can't move, then quitting is the only option.
I have done a 2.5/3 hour commute... I did it ONE or TWO days a week (mon... (read in full...)
Can an antibiotic prevent pregnancy?
Q. Can ampiclox prevent pregnancy...
A. 17 January 2013: What Cindy Cares said.
I know a woman who got pregnant 3 times on BCP due to medications she was taking
and Cerberus is right too... only take antibiotics exactly as prescribed by a doctor.... (read in full...)
My husband is significantly older than me and has no interest in sex anymore. I'm really struggling to cope. Can anyone offer advise?
Q. I'm sad. Very, very sad because my husband seems don't want any sex now. Yes, he is far older than me. I'm 41 and he is 67. I know some of you will criticise that age, but yes I love him so please, don't think negative about our age. He is sti...
A. 17 January 2013: If you have tried to talk to him and he does not want to talk about it (many men are embarrassed by it) and he refuses to go to the doctor (he probably has low-t at this age) then there is not much you can do WITH HIM to fix this.
If masturba... (read in full...)
More than 6 years together, he's still putting off marriage and now its making me bitter and unhappy.
Q. Sorry for the length, I feel the information is necessary to get a good reply. THANKS to anyone who reads and replies! I am 24(female), my boyfriend is 33. We have been together for over 6 years and living together for just about 6 years. No majo...
A. 17 January 2013: A year from now OP you will be posting asking us for advice on how to tell him you are leaving.
I love Tisha's idea of the google search for one bedroom one bath apartments.... instead of leaving it in the history I would leave the actual s... (read in full...)
My girlfriend never replies to my messages on time and it really bugs me!
Q. there is something that bothers me so much about my girlfriend and is that she does not reply my messages on time, if i text her she takes even hours to text me back and if i send her a fb message she reads it and then until next day replies. at the ...
A. 17 January 2013: Your needing constant reassurance is going to be the death of this LDR.
LDRS are hard.
THEY become harder when you add
Extra distance
Schooling
Age gaps
Insecurity
You have her on a pedestal. You need to realize she’s NOT ma... (read in full...)
More than 6 years together, he's still putting off marriage and now its making me bitter and unhappy.
Q. Sorry for the length, I feel the information is necessary to get a good reply. THANKS to anyone who reads and replies! I am 24(female), my boyfriend is 33. We have been together for over 6 years and living together for just about 6 years. No majo...
A. 16 January 2013: Honey this is not about a wedding, this is about a man who will not marry you.
in 5 years you will be 29 and he will still not be ready.
he's told you he doesn't want to marry you:
"he just wasn't ready and wasn't sure he ever would be." ... (read in full...)
I want him to enjoy oral sex, like he did in the beginning!
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and I was a virgin when I met him. We didn't have sex until 9 months into our relationship. But before I lost my virginity to him, we would have oral sex and he would sometimes spend 45 minutes going ...
A. 16 January 2013: YOu get a boyfriend that truly likes oral sex and not one that does it because you want it.
OR you accept that he wont' do it because he does not want to.
and he did it in the past because he was desperate to get laid...... (read in full...)
My girlfriend never replies to my messages on time and it really bugs me!
Q. there is something that bothers me so much about my girlfriend and is that she does not reply my messages on time, if i text her she takes even hours to text me back and if i send her a fb message she reads it and then until next day replies. at the ...
A. 16 January 2013: my hubby hates to text. he sent me a text today to tell me to put something on our grocery list. I am NOT replying to him to say OK
I just will add it to the list. I see no need to acknowledge a text like that.
some people just do n... (read in full...)
How to get over someone you have to see everyday?
Q. Okay so I guess at this point I have no choice but to try and get over this man that seemingly captured my heart. My question is, how do you get over someone you have to see every day?...
A. 16 January 2013: It will take much longer if you HAVE to see him every day.
I ask WHY do you have to see him every day....
work?
school?
transportation?
some of these can be changed
some may be temporary
so if it's work, maybe you can fi... (read in full...)
How can I tell this girl who I've kissed that I think she's the one? Trouble is it's now a LDR
Q. Hi im 14 and live in one place in my state but there is this girl who I like but she lives in another place in my state. I don't know how to tell her my feelings, especially that she's the girl for me. But the major problem is that we've kissed b...
A. 16 January 2013: how far apart are you guys... because I gotta tell you, unless you go to the same school or live in the same neighborhood or close enough, it's an LDR at your age and it probably will not work in the long run.
she may be the one, heck my grand... (read in full...)
How long do I wait for my husband to make up for a terrible 20th anniversary weekend?
Q. Married 20 years, received only a handful of birthday, anniversary, special occasion gifts. Read all the help columns and told husband exactly what I wanted for anniversary which was a week trip so we could reconnect. I started planning and he said ...
A. 14 January 2013: He's not going to make up for your terrible trip. He sees nothing wrong.
I think you have to consider that he can't meet your needs.
you either have to end the marriage and find a new partner that meets your needs or you can do any one of th... (read in full...)
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