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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Gf sending dirty texts to another man
Q. Hi, I've been with my gf for nearly 3 years, it's had it's ups and downs but we've got through them, between us we have 4 children, she has 3 girls I have one boy. The two youngest girls dad left when the youngest was born, and hasn't been around ...
A. 24 January 2013: Good Luck OP... it's a hard thing to do.... (read in full...)
Why doesn't sex "feel" good?
Q. I don't know what it is but sex just does not feel enjoyable to me. I am beginning to think it is just my age. I am only 20 and I hear a lot of the time women do not hit their sexual peak until they are well into their 30s and 40s. Ladies, is that ...
A. 23 January 2013: it's never been the be all to end all for me either although I will admit that at age 35 or so it started getting better...
I do not orgasm from penetration ever. It takes a skilled in oral partner to bring me to orgasm so I never expect i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has no endurance to be on top during sex
Q. My boyfriend can't be on top during sex. He's about 220 lbs and he's around 6 feet tall, so he's a little overweight but not obese or anything, anyways he gets tired really easily and can't last on top at all. Like 5 to 10 minutes and he either has ...
A. 23 January 2013: I agree that it's not only the weight... he's OUT OF SHAPE.
good sex is hard work... he needs to do strength training and cardio...
sex will improve when he's in shape for both of you
and if he carries his weight in his belly, if he manages... (read in full...)
Is this fair? I do so much for him and he does so little for me. What should I do?
Q. Well my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and lets just say I'm getting tired of being taken advantage of. He doesn't have a car so yes I drive him around and I pay for dates and I helped him get a job and yes he still asks me ...
A. 23 January 2013: What should I do? Asks the OP… it’s simple
1. Don’t drive him around
2. Don’t pay for dates
3. Don’t give him money for gas
4. Don’t lend him money
And finally when you stop being an ATM machine for him, be prepared for a huge fight an... (read in full...)
Is my fiancé acting up? Has she been too spoilt in the past? Not sure what to do.
Q. So here's my story. My fiancé and I are supposed to be getting married in July but we have been having problems. We have been engaged since March 2012. To give some quick background we have dated for 4 years and lived together for 3. We live...
A. 23 January 2013: Oy vey… so many things to address here.
I know for me my husband and I both have memory problems so I make notes or do important things in email so I have a record of them. IF she agreed to downsizing to a different apartment and now she’s ba... (read in full...)
Married to a man 20 years older than I
Q. This is a letter I am sending to my husband.. I have no idea how he is going to respond.. So if your a guy.. Please feel free to reply.. That way I can prepare myself.. For whatever transpires. Thanks "Since I spoke to you about us.. You m...
A. 23 January 2013: the letter is all over the place.
basically you are unhappy and he is not listening.
I agree that counseling is in order.
If he refuses to go then ending the marriage is your only option.
you can't fix it yourself you are right.
I lik... (read in full...)
I found proof that he was cheating on me for 3 years but he's still contacting me
Q. We ve bin dating for 9mtnhs nw, and suddenly a lady called me, giving me evidences that they ave bin dating for 3yrs, showing me the picture they both took together on her bday, he called me the following day I made him he has broken my heart and ...
A. 23 January 2013: If you have been with him for 9 months and she for 3 years, he lied to you and is cheating on her.
what do you do?
you unfriend him on facebook and move on.... (read in full...)
Women--how would you feel if your male partner turned you down for sex?
Q. I haven't had any experience with this kind of thing myself but I'm just curious to hear opinions. You sometimes hear from men that their partners are always too tired for sex or are stressed etc. I know that obviously some men are going to get...
A. 23 January 2013: it happens very frequently…. Especially at my house… I always worry that it’s me. It’s not me. It’s him. He’s tired. Or depressed. Or he feels fat or unsexy. Seriously. At least that’s what he says.
When it happens once in a while, I... (read in full...)
My ex keeps texting me wanting an explanation for why I broke up with him
Q. My ex boyfriend and I broke up October last year, but it was a long drawn out process of being off and on since April. He cheated on me back then and I still loved him but couldn't trust him, realised I needed some space. Eventually when we done ...
A. 23 January 2013: Personally if you have explained it once or more you owe him nothing else.
Tell him this "I am telling you one last time, you cheated. I ended it. it's over it's done i wish no further contact"
then:
Block his number.
Block his ema... (read in full...)
Gf sending dirty texts to another man
Q. Hi, I've been with my gf for nearly 3 years, it's had it's ups and downs but we've got through them, between us we have 4 children, she has 3 girls I have one boy. The two youngest girls dad left when the youngest was born, and hasn't been around ...
A. 23 January 2013: the fact that she is willing to lie to her child and refer to the dad as "mummy's friend" is disconcerting and wrong.
That alone tells me she has a skewed sense of right and wrong.
If she is sexting with another person she is cheating on y... (read in full...)
We are married but separated and husband has signed up for dating site. What steps do I take now?
Q. Hello I've had problems since I married and moved in together (been married 2 years. We have taken a 'break' where he has moved out. I find im a happier on my own, no stress of arguing about how much he drinks each evening, him not going to bed...
A. 23 January 2013: He's not committed to the marriage.
You are happier without him.
call it your "starter marriage" and see an attorney.
... (read in full...)
Whats a fair amount for boyfriend to pay if he moves in?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years. We are both late 20s. Lately we have been talking about moving in together. i have my own place and he still lives at home. Its not the best time to try and sell my house with out loosing money (he ...
A. 23 January 2013: He won't have rights to the house if he pays rent. I don't think that's correct.
But I don't think he's being fair here either.
If you are willing to live together as husband and wife (basically that's what moving in together does)... (read in full...)
Can I make my breasts perky?
Q. I'm 16 years old, and I hate, hate, hate my boobs. They're cone-shaped and point downward. I'm 36B, and I'm completely healthy. I'm terrified when boyfriends ask to see them. In the past, I've had guy friends accidentally see them, and all th...
A. 23 January 2013: you can have surgery to change the shape size or lift of your breasts. I do not recommend it. I've had it. I had perky breasts for all of 9 months after my lift.
the only way perky top pillows happen is with implants. My plastic surg... (read in full...)
How do I get my partner to do more foreplay, and have sex more often?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles just a quick question. What do you do when you have a partner that wont do much or any foreplay. He will not do oral sex at all, not even once a year, he will kiss me before and during sex, I do have to intiate it most of the ...
A. 22 January 2013: If you are at the "mentally cheating" stage and have envy of friends you are crossing the danger zone.
he lays back and expects it.
he's lazy.
shake him up...
my personal advice "honey since we've talked and you don't want to chang... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont stop using dating sites but makes me out to be the bad guy! What have I done wrong?
Q. Will someone please understand where I went wrong and what I did what was wrong? I have dumped my girlfriend because yet again she is on dating sites. She is not letting it go and is behaving like I have done her the greatest injustice for leaving ...
A. 22 January 2013: you didn't do anything wrong other than try to make it work with a woman who can't keep it in her skirt.
she is behaving badly now because she's mad at herself for getting caught.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING TO END IT.
just block her on t... (read in full...)
I'm unhappy and my parents keep pushing things on me and don't seem to care how I feel
Q. Im 19 i am not happy my parents dont seem to understand that i am not ok. I feel alone. My parents are religious and keep shoving down things on me like if they dont care how i feel. Sometimes i dont feel like living. They dont let me do anything. ...
A. 22 January 2013: You complain of
being tired
you don't feel like living
you feel alone
it sounds to me like you have clinical depression which is not a weakness it's a medical disorder that will require medication and therapy to correct.
if you have a pr... (read in full...)
Is he too comfortable with me?
Q. hello so my question is that normal ify boyfriend masturbate in front of me while were making love, cause i feel uncomftable looking to him ? we are ldr so im might been shy to express myself in bed with him...
A. 22 January 2013: if you are shy to express yourself with him you are not ready to be sexual with him.
Have you asked him why he does it. ... (read in full...)
Should I complain? Or am I the one over-reacting?
Q. Hi guys! Right i was in Uni yesterday there is a 41 year old guy there basically yesterday we had a mock exam and after it was finished he was searching around everywhere so i asked him what he was looking for. He said an earring i said well i'm not ...
A. 22 January 2013: there is a reason a 41 yr old is in uni during the day
it sounds like he has social issues that cause him to be inappropriate.
let it go.
in fact, ignore him totally forever. he's not worth the psychic energy.... (read in full...)
He broke up with me over text, when 4 days before he was telling me how much he loved me!
Q. I need help. I'm falling to pieces. I dated this NAVY guy online for 5 months before we met. I was skeptical at first, didn't want another dead end relationship. I told him I wasn't looking to get serious, I just wanted to chat and get to know ...
A. 22 January 2013: You didn’t DATE online for 5 months. YOU met a guy online.
You didn’t meet in real life for 5 months. After you spent some time together, he realized that the person you were online was not the same in real life and the whole goal of meeting ... (read in full...)
How do I get my partner to do more foreplay, and have sex more often?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles just a quick question. What do you do when you have a partner that wont do much or any foreplay. He will not do oral sex at all, not even once a year, he will kiss me before and during sex, I do have to intiate it most of the ...
A. 22 January 2013: I have the exact same problem with my hubby but he's 39 and I'm 52....
I do not have an answer for you other than I take care of myself....
your husband is either lazy or repressed or possibly like mine has such severe OCD that certain sex... (read in full...)
Fallen in love with my husband after our arranged marriage, but struggling to say "I love you". Any advise?
Q. I recently got married...it was an arranged marriage..after marriage I fell head over heels in love with my husband....idealising him like anything..a month or so he went to the states while I have to wait for my visa process to finish..long story ...
A. 22 January 2013: send him an email with a link to this page.... (read in full...)
My niece is sleeping with my ex boyfriend. Should I confront her?
Q. I was involved with a guy for a period of time. I left him because of his womanising ways. Since then my niece saw it fit to contact him and send him dirty pictures of herself to him and he send to her. My niece knew he and I were involved. I ...
A. 22 January 2013: Actually he's your ex so you have no say in it.
... (read in full...)
Feeling neglected. Why doesn't my partner want to make love?
Q. Me and my partner have been together 2 and a half years and we love each other dearly. He is very affectionate and cuddles me and kisses me but when it's time for bed he just turns over and goes to sleep. Leaving me feeling frustrated, hurt and ...
A. 22 January 2013: sounds much like our house...
I asked. I thought it was me.
It's not. It's him. He's gained weight and he feels fat and unsexy (see it's not just us girls that have body image issues)
he feels sluggish and not very sexual.
and it a... (read in full...)
Partner's mother belittles me. What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone , I'm in a long distance relationship, we see each other every 2 weeks or more . The problem is his mother, she belittles me quiet a lot, she talks to me as a child and i am finding it really annoying now . I told him how I felt in a ...
A. 22 January 2013: When you emailed him what did he say?
when she attacks you what does he do?
can he not come visit you?
"she is always right and disregards what I think"
if your partner does not have your back I'd end the relationship.... how a man t... (read in full...)
I need a break from him but I'm scared of breaking up our family, and worried what will happen if I decide I want him back....
Q. Hi I am 26 years old and my and my boyfriend (also the father of my daughter) have been together for 6 years we have a 2 year old daughter... Hes a great dad and we get along just fine... We dont aregue very often normally if he gets upset or mad he ...
A. 22 January 2013: the fact that he wont' talk to you for two weeks or so is not healthy and it's not good for your child to see this as a coping mechanism.
I would ask him if he would go for therapy with you to figure out how to improve your communication as a cou... (read in full...)
I don't want to look fake but I don't know how to do my makeup
Q. IM blonde blue eyes and i dont feel i am the prettiest of girls so inorder for me to look nice i like doing my make up but i have no idea how boys like it, i dont want to come acroos as fae but i still want to look nice, can you help me?...
A. 22 January 2013: I agree with Honeygirl.
go to a local department store with a high quality name brand makeup counter and ask for a free makover... they will teach you. you may want to buy at least one of their products afterwards as well
also note that ... (read in full...)
My partner is constantly belittling my looks, my opinions and my intelligence.
Q. I love my partner and he loves me, but I dont feel like he appreciates me. I am an attractive lady and have always had a lot of male attention my whole life. I am now 36 yrs old and look probably 28 yrs old. Not that I am basing who I am off my ...
A. 22 January 2013: Let’s start with the two statements:
“he loves me” and “tell me every day that I am a fat f@*k,”
A MAN IN LOVE does NOT tell you that you are a fat fuck. THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU.
Do not kid yourself.
He gives you money not be... (read in full...)
How to cope when told your husband doesn't love you the same as he used to? A 40 year marriage down the drain?
Q. After almost 40 years of what I thought was a happy marriage my 62 year old husband said he needed space and I spent all my time and energy on the family and looking after the grand children, he felt lonely. We had had our daughter, her husband and ...
A. 22 January 2013: He took them to work "in case he moves out next weekend"
Honey... make the choice for him.
tell him to MOVE OUT NOW.
then get yourself some counseling both emotional and legal.
MOVE money out of your joint accounts. PROTECT YOURSELF.
... (read in full...)
Am I being reasonable fearing our LDR? Is this normal?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles I recently entered a long distance relationship and I'm worried. The thing is, I'm scared, really scared. I've been in a long distance relationship before but the distance wasn't so great you know? Now I'm so much more furthe...
A. 22 January 2013: LDRs are hard. LDRs for teens and young 20 somethings are nearly impossible.
You will learn that just because a person SAYS something does not make it true (except in the case of a man saying he just wants FWB that’s ALWAYS true). He can SAY ... (read in full...)
Does my lover really love me, or does he just feel comfortable? He won't commit.
Q. I have a coworker, i like him a lot we've been together as a friends for almost a year, started to see each other for about 3 months having diner, watching movies and snuggle on his couch with out having sex, but last month i spent the night af...
A. 22 January 2013: Mistake #1 he’s a co-worker . It’s very rare to see co-workers date and have it work out. Once you are over and done you will have to face him at work.. that will suck.
Mistake #2 NOT listening to what he said “he told me that if i want t... (read in full...)
Broke up with my GF because I still have feelings for my ex, but she has a BF. How can I move on?
Q. I had been with my ex girlfriend, R, for about 2 and a half years. I always thought that I was actually happy, but near the end of our relationship I realized that I was mostly in denial. When I found out that the girl that I had been with before ...
A. 22 January 2013: Time for some very PAINFUL TOUGH LOVE HERE.
She is your ex. She has moved on. You can sit in your room, and pine away for her but it won’t make her come back. She has already left you behind. I am sure she talks to you just to be kind and... (read in full...)
Why do some women find aggressive behaviour in men a turn on? I don't get the female mind!
Q. Hey all I have a question on the confusing female mind! I was chatting with a couple of women recently and they both confused the hell out of me. One had slept with some chavy guy who she regretted sleeping with but said she did it because the h...
A. 22 January 2013: NOT attractive at all. A total turn off.
BTW forcing a woman to have sex with you under the threat of physical harm is called RAPE.
... (read in full...)
Should my husband go to the funeral of his ex girlfriend's father?
Q. My husband's x-girlfriend's father passed away. They have two children together. She tried to trap him into marriage.. Didn't work. She has also tried to cause many problems between us.. She hates me.. Should he attend her father's funeral? I ...
A. 21 January 2013: At the bare minimum he should go for his children and to pay respects to their grandfather.
I think it would be appropriate for you to too if you are close to your step children to support them and your husband.... (read in full...)
How to cope when told your husband doesn't love you the same as he used to? A 40 year marriage down the drain?
Q. After almost 40 years of what I thought was a happy marriage my 62 year old husband said he needed space and I spent all my time and energy on the family and looking after the grand children, he felt lonely. We had had our daughter, her husband and ...
A. 21 January 2013: I think you guys can make it work...
I strongly suggest some couples counseling to help get through this and figure out how to make both of you happy.
I think he's open and honest enough that he will tell you when he's leaving.
get ... (read in full...)
Did I sent the wrong text message in regards to a job?
Q. i walked into a salon yesterday for a job and got a position for a receptionist. i knew her from before and I was really excited for it as i was looking for it for a while. the manager there told me first i can come in from tomorrow but then said ...
A. 21 January 2013: text was fine.
you are over reacting...
relax.... ... (read in full...)
Does my older fitness instructor have a crush on me?
Q. I am starting to wonder if my fitness instructor is crushing on me? He is 15 years older than me. Lately he has been trying to strike up conversations with me more. He is always smiling at me and laughing at everything I say. I always catch him ...
A. 21 January 2013: First of all what's up with his behavior does NOT matter.
What matters is up with yours. Since I assume you are wise enough and classy enough to not go after another woman's husband why does it even matter what he's up to or what he wants?
... (read in full...)
Am I stupid to go it alone at 39?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years. We own a place together. We broke up for a few months a couple of years ago (my instigation), but missed each other and got back together. However, the things that broke us up haven’t really been res...
A. 21 January 2013: 39 is young.
do not stay with him because you are afraid to be alone.
end it
take time to get over it totally and figure out how you like your life... once you like YOU and where you are in your life
then you can figure out how to ad... (read in full...)
Marriage is just about over but I still have questions ....
Q. It has been one month since I last wrote to this site. I can't say that a lot has happened until about two weeks ago... I sought out counselling finally! He is very supportive and listens to me. Right now I'm at a major intersection and...
A. 21 January 2013: I think it's best to end it. truly. You DO deserve more.
You sound like a good guy who is doing the best he can and made a bad decision. That happens to the best of us.
... (read in full...)
What is the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship?
Q. Dear all, Can anyone please give advice from experience about the difference between gut feelings and anxiety regarding cheating in a relationship? I've been with my BF for over a year now and I've had a bad feeling about his female work co...
A. 21 January 2013: trust your feelings. we have them for a reason.
why would someone who hates talking on the phone magically have to talk on the phone to someone they work with and therefore SEE everyday but not talk on the phone with their LDR girlfrie... (read in full...)
"time apart" means break? or break up?
Q. If your boyfriend says we need time apart, no contact for a bit is it okay to clarify if this is a "break" or "breakup" or should I just give up...
A. 21 January 2013: I have never seen a relationship that needs "a break" make it long run.
I always think of "a break" as the beginning of the end for relationships.
It's used by folks who are either hedging their bets or are trying to let the other person... (read in full...)
Boyfriend claims that I just want a ring as a prize!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have been talking about marriage. Please note that I am a grown woman with a degree, a job, my own home, car, pay all of my own bills, am completely self-supprting. I am generous in relationships in general with my ...
A. 21 January 2013: IF he is not fulfilling your needs you leave.
You say you love him... do you love that he threatens you with throwing a ring at you just to appease you
do you love that he makes you question what to do?
do you love that you feel the need ... (read in full...)
Would I be a horrible wife if I found another home for this terrible dog?
Q. I don't know what to do about my husband's dog! He found the dog wondering the streets and took him in when no one claimed him. This was before we even started dating. I quickly realized why no one wanted to claim this dog... He was not potty ...
A. 20 January 2013: I had a dog I adopted as a puppy. she was our second dog and I loved her. Till she bit my kid. I had her put down the next day.
I love dogs.. .but not if they have bad temperament.
I would personally give my husband a choice here...
... (read in full...)
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