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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 12 January 2013: do you think OP that she was more open with you in the beginning because you were not so over the top "insane" about this whole penile size thing?
do you want to know the BEST lover I ever had? My ex husband. (and I left him) do you want ... (read in full...)
He thinks we're in a relationship, but we haven't had a date yet! How do I deal with this?
Q. I agreed to a blind date suggested by a mutual friend of myself and the gentleman in question. We spoke in person just long enough to arrange the date, but haven't actually gone out yet. I've just learned that he changed his Facebook status t...
A. 9 January 2013: Is it possible he's in a relationship with someone else?... (read in full...)
Am I not good enough for him? I'm pregnant but all he does is talk to his ex. Am I crazy wanting him to leave?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. I am currently pregnant and since I've gotten pregnant all he does is talk to his exs. I feel like I am not good enough for him and that he is looking for someone else. I don't wanna lose h...
A. 9 January 2013: you are right you need to leave him. he's a cheat and a liar and not even a very nice man.
AND it's NOTHING YOU DID WRONG. this is not your fault.
It's an inherent flaw in him as a decent human being (he's not one)
... (read in full...)
It's complicated. He will visit me. But often pushes for more physical content than I want. But he discourages me visiting him. Why?
Q. Have been into a relationship with a guy for more than 4 years now we both love each other. He calls me and he pays me a visit. I need a new jobc so that occupies my time, but I'm less busy in weekends. Each time i pay him visit he kisses me on...
A. 9 January 2013: how do you know he loves you? because he tells you? does he SHOW YOU?
4 years and it's not equal... and i doubt you are his only and I truly doubt he loves you
of course when you try to break it off he will talk sweet words and such..
... (read in full...)
Am I thinking too far ahead? Would Western parents accept a large age gap if their daughter married a man 10 years older?
Q. I am in Australia but am not a westerner. I like a girl 10 years younger than me,she is 18 years old. I think she also likes me. But I am not sure.Is it possible because of age different she might be thinking the less possibility of marriage. Does w...
A. 9 January 2013: A ten year gap at 28 and 38 is nothing
A ten year gap at 18 and 28 is HUGE.
I would think that an 18 yr old girl is no where near ready to discuss marriage or even getting serious with someone.
As for bald... I like bald men, I also like m... (read in full...)
My partner uses sex like he is in control of a game
Q. Why doesn't he want a intimate relationship. My partner and I have been back together for 7 months. We have never had a active sex life but did manage one of twice a month maybe but it's been almost 3 months and he shows no interest in me sexually ...
A. 9 January 2013: "back together for 7 months"
how long were you apart?
how long were you together before that?
why did you split up?
what made you think it would be better this time?
if he's not loving towards you in any way, why do you stay?
my hu... (read in full...)
Friendly or Flirting? What are the signs a guy is genuinely flirting, and not just being friendly?
Q. Are these signs of flirting? 1. Staring or gazing at you. 2. Complimenting a woman on how she looks such as "Wow, you are beautiful," "I've been watching you--I see you and you are such a feminine woman," "You are one of the few people who ma...
A. 9 January 2013: WOW.
I'm 52. I'm married and I'm an outrageous flirt. Even my husband has said "you flirt like you breathe".
Flirting is not game playing.
Flirting is not buying flowers or asking a person out
Flirting is not complimenting me.
flirt... (read in full...)
A needy, clingy woman got my man. How come this happened?
Q. I am so through with relationships and men. I am an independent woman, smart, beautiful and keeps myself busy never clingy. Met a good guy and helped him, even when he didn't have a job and no money, but now he's run off with a clingy girl. What ...
A. 9 January 2013: No what you NEED to do is be TRUE to yourself.
DO not be who you are not.
I just went to lunch with a good friend... she is 180 degrees from me in terms of what she will put up with in a relationship and she would never have ended up with m... (read in full...)
Girls: is this a way to spark a girl's interest? what would be the possible reaction, if guitar solo performances (my own), were included in the flashdrive with legal software being given as a gift by to a fellow student?
Q. Hello. I am here for a question that might open a lot of doors for me. Here is my story. I have been lonely for 2 years now after my ex girlfriend left me for someone else and several rejections since then have made me numb. I came to USA 2 ye...
A. 9 January 2013: I wouldn't do that.
How about if you ask her to go get a cup of coffee and talk to her like a person?
To be honest I wouldn't LOOK at files that I wasn't expecting... she may never even look.
... (read in full...)
I think he's suffered a lot of abuse. How can I calm down my aggressive boyfriend?
Q. I have been with my current boyfriend just under a year. He's had a pretty unfortunate life up till this point and I suppose you could say suffered a lot of abuse from a young age (though I don't know any details as I avoid asking him about it)....
A. 9 January 2013: Sweetie he sounds just like my husband.
RUN do not walk to the nearest exit unless he is willing to seek therapy and get some help. and even then it's a long road you are looking at.
At your age, you do not need this crap.
At your age, ... (read in full...)
We're half way across the world, spend a day together. Am I crazy for thinking of trying to pursue this?
Q. I met this guy recently while I was travelling overseas in Germany. He came over to me and said for some reason he just felt the need to talk to me. We hit it off just fine and spent the day and night together hanging out. He wanted me to stay ...
A. 9 January 2013: yep you are crazy. but crazier things have happened.
let's start with the goal of an LDR... what is the goal?
the GOAL of the LDR is to NOT be in an LDR.
so to that end... you have to spend enough time together to decide if ONE of... (read in full...)
I look so young for my age...any way I can make myself look older?
Q. I need help, asap. The thing is, I look really young for my age. I'm 19, 20 in November and I still get asked for ID. Most of the time I even get asked ID for a 15 rated movie. When I got to clubs it's really embarrassing to be stopped infront of ...
A. 9 January 2013: I was still being carded at bars at age 28! The legal drinking age for my state at the time was 18.
My 39 year old hubby gets carded for cigarettes still to this day....
At 24 I was married and gave birth to my first child... folks thought I ... (read in full...)
I'm a mess. What can I do? I've been in love with my Gf for a long time. But I've fallen for a second girl at college and now this second girl is pregnant.
Q. Guys, I'm in a pickle. A very large pickle. I've been dating my very lovely and intelligent girlfriend for six years, since we were 14. Before I continue, I need you all to know that I really, absolutely and unabashedly love my girlfriend with all...
A. 9 January 2013: Well I won't trash you any more than you've been trashed...
but here is my take on it
what you want at 14 is not what you want at 20 and what you want at 20 is not what you want at 30.
You do not love your GF with all your heart and soul... (read in full...)
Does being "up front" about wanting a FWB relationship means you are now a "decent" human being?
Q. Why is it that men (and women) think that just because, they are being "honest" about wanting a FWB type of relationship in the beginning, that they are somehow a "decent" and upstanding human being? For instance, if someone who was going to rob...
A. 9 January 2013: You’re argument is based on the belief that a person being told something has no free will to deal with the information they are being given and are being forced to do what the other party wants.
For example, if someone came to me and said “I... (read in full...)
I am sick of my B/f sneaking around behind my back to jerk off! Is it normal for men to be like that?
Q. Okay so anybody's advice would be excellent, especially a womans. I'm 18 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1 and a half years, our sex life is average, and I'm always keen even if I don't finish. He's jerked off to internet porn during ...
A. 9 January 2013: OP you said: “Not to mention I'm overweight, I don't look after my appearance like most girls because I do believe I'm ugly, and I've gained weight since we've been together.”
And sadly for many women who post here this is the crux of the prob... (read in full...)
When we have a fight no matter whose fault it is, b/f switches off his cell phone till I beg for forgiveness on facebook. I can't take this!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 2 years always switches off his mobile when we fight and make me suffer until I send him sorry msg to his Facebook account even when he started the fight and even when he's wrong He did it now too. I can't go thru this suffer...
A. 9 January 2013: Well if it was me, I'd assume that this is the last fight.
this is going to be so hard for you but don't beg him to come back.
don't message him.
don't call him
don't contact him.
wait for him to come to you.
do you really want to ... (read in full...)
Is my friend a jerk for making this disrespectful comment about his African American lover?
Q. This older guy who I am friends with, told me that if he ever got married in the future, he would never tell his wife that he had a sexual relationship with an African American woman because, she would look down on him and so would the entire ...
A. 8 January 2013: Should she be friends with him? That's her choice. She said no and to be honest I don't blame her.
she's good enough to fuck but not good enough to marry or show off to his family and friends? that's wrong. It may be race, but to be ho... (read in full...)
I asked my BF to have STD tests before we sleep together. He says he can only get results over the phone, not on paper. Can I believe him/ how can I check the results?
Q. Hi guys. I have a matter about health. Me and my boyfriend are going to see each other soon, he will stay with me for 2 weeks. We have planned to sleep together this time, it will be the first time of us. And for health safety, I asked him to take ...
A. 8 January 2013: you make him wear a condom no matter what that's how you protect yourself.
If he can't show you the paper to your satisfaction then he has to wear a condom.... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 8 January 2013: Drif,
with all due respect, 551 dollars will not get you hours of kinky intercourse with any quality hookers... just cheap girls. remember you get what you pay for.
As for shelling out money on dates.... ya know the first date is one th... (read in full...)
Did I cheat? What did I do? Mind is messed up - what do I do if anything?
Q. So, I'm currently in a long distance relationship (sort of - we're not wanting to call it a relationship quite yet), and it's going well. We've been talking daily since the end of October, and just after Christmas we agreed to commit to each oth...
A. 8 January 2013: you are LDR, you were not committed to each other. I don't see a problem.... (read in full...)
I told him some guys wanted my number and he hasn't returned my texts!
Q. Hi I met this guy on line about 4 weeks ago,I felt a attraction to him and he expressed he was attracted and interested in me and wanted to talk more and we have been flirting like mad via text more than phone. when the txts or conversa...
A. 8 January 2013: Well of course he went POOF… he thought he was special and you proved to him he’s not by telling him you were willing to text with random guys. He decided that he doesn’t want to even attempt a relationship with a woman who is so cavalier…
... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 8 January 2013: If I ask, I pay.
If he asks, he pays.
If I ask, I'm a cheap whore who doesn't let a man be a man.
If he pays I'm a whore who's supposed to sleep with him
then we toss in all the men with RJ who won't date me because I put out for guys l... (read in full...)
is it okay if you got married for one wrong reason as long as you also did it for the right reasons?
Q. I have heard people say before that you should only get married for "the right reasons", and that doing so for any other reason is wrong. While I agree with this, I can't help but think I got married for both the right AND wrong reasons. Let me ...
A. 8 January 2013: I do not think it's wrong at all.
150 years ago marriages were NOT about love. they were business contracts.
my current husband and I while we love each other, married more for practical reasons than anything.... and yet I will probably neve... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and cousin had sexual banter on facebook. Should I say something?
Q. got on my boyfrirends facebook and in his messages back and forth to my female cousin was dumb stuff like him flirting with her like she said i might stop by to see you next week when ill be in your area and he says you bringing the condoms or ...
A. 8 January 2013: the fact that you got on his facebook and checked his messages says you don't trust him.
with good reason.
I'm open and I don't mind flirting but the only man who knows my waxing schedule is my hubby....
your COUSIN (I'm shocked) and... (read in full...)
Just found out my boyfriend's ex is pregnant by him. Do I stay? Or go?
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months goin on six...and just the other night he found out from a girl he dated before me she is pregnant...he told that he don't want the baby momma and loves me. An sees us with a future he don't want me to go ...
A. 8 January 2013: how pregnant is this ex?
because anything less than ready to pop means that he was probably dating both of you at the same time...
and he didn't tell you for how long?
... (read in full...)
If he is getting help for his problems, would it be so bad if I took him back in a year or so?
Q. I posted a question a few days ago, but here is an update. I knew my boyfriend of 3 years was lying to me about certain things so I got access to his email account on Friday night, then did the same thing to his facebook account. I found dozens a...
A. 8 January 2013: oh and I wouldn't "wait" for him.
get on with your life... if after a year of solid recovery (with proof) then you want to try again and you are not otherwise engaged with other dates.... giving him a chance is not a bad thing.
don't hold yo... (read in full...)
When a relationship changes from LD to a regular relationship do you lose the excitement?
Q. I've been in a relationship with a lovely guy for about 4 months now and I have fallen head over heels for him. He is so loving and caring and says I am the one thing that keeps him going. Up until now due to various issues such as work etc we h...
A. 8 January 2013:
Relationships that are LD do change when they are no longer LD but it's not always a bad thing.
My husband and I were two hours apart the first year of our relationship. We started casually in December 2010 and by March 2011 we knew it was gett... (read in full...)
I don't know if we are on a break, or this is a break up?
Q. Hey everyone , so me and my boyfriend were doing fine , I thought untill one day he decided to take "a break". He is a senior and works a lot and is spending a lot of time with his friends that are moving away for college along with dealing with ...
A. 8 January 2013: It's probably a temporary break leading up to the permanent break up
... (read in full...)
Guys: Is the amount of xx's in a text an indication of how much you like someone?
Q. Silly question but I'm intrigued...GUYS Is the amount of x's in a text an indicator of how much he likes you?? This guy I'm texting at the moment usually puts 3 x's... then less often 2 x's and then less often 1x and the least often 4x's. IM...
A. 8 January 2013: I never put any X it's a waste of time and energy.
text messages are for stuff like "running late be there in 15" and such
NOT for carrying on relationships.
I don't think it matters at all.
my husband hates texting and never puts... (read in full...)
I am sick of my B/f sneaking around behind my back to jerk off! Is it normal for men to be like that?
Q. Okay so anybody's advice would be excellent, especially a womans. I'm 18 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1 and a half years, our sex life is average, and I'm always keen even if I don't finish. He's jerked off to internet porn during ...
A. 8 January 2013: The OP said; “the first time he jerked off next to me when we were in bed and he thought I was asleep, that angered me so much,” Did you say to him while he was doing it “hey there do you need some help?” or did you just lay there seething ... (read in full...)
Update on I was expecting to hear from him but haven't heard a word for 2 days
Q. So for all who were following my story of the guy who I was expecting to come to my house but never showed up... (original story below for anyone else) Well it appears he's just fine. I didn't contact his parents or anyone, but I noticed he cha...
A. 8 January 2013: ouch... he screwed up.
best thing to do for your own peace of mind is to block him...
then you can't see what he's doing.
and chalk it up to his bad behavior NOTHING YOU DID! this is not a reflection on you in any way.... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep on trying to light the kindling in the fire that just keeps going out??
Q. Well me and my, long distance relationship keep on trying to rekindl the fire but nothing works its like she has a bf and says that she still wants to keep in tounch. So we keep on talking every couple of times a month not as much as we use to. I ...
A. 8 January 2013: Because she is one of those people that thinks that by ending a relationship totally (as it should be) that she's a failure.
folks seem to love to say "we dated and we don't now but we are still friends" as if that makes their relation... (read in full...)
What do I do with an ex who is just plain nasty?
Q. What do I do with an x that is just plain nasty. We are divorced and just recently - within the year have started talking because of the children. The kids are now 26 24 and 19. Most times he is civil but tonight he just flipped out agai...
A. 8 January 2013: Well why are you riding with him?
he's a ex. let him find his own way or if you are riding with him, you find your own way.
The kids are not babies, they see him for what he is.
Just ignore his childishness and do NOT confront him.
... (read in full...)
When my boyfriend has any problem, he goes to his best friend (a girl) and not me!
Q. Hey everyone,I'v been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years,my boyfriend has this best friend who is a girl and they have been friends since kindergarden and over the years I'v become friends with her too,we hang out together..BUT I really feel bad ...
A. 8 January 2013: Personally while folks think it's ok for opposite sex friends to be besties... I don't like it.
and I would NOT like it if my hubby's FIRST choice to share news or problems was someone other than me. UNLESS it was about me.
IF he's that cl... (read in full...)
If he is getting help for his problems, would it be so bad if I took him back in a year or so?
Q. I posted a question a few days ago, but here is an update. I knew my boyfriend of 3 years was lying to me about certain things so I got access to his email account on Friday night, then did the same thing to his facebook account. I found dozens a...
A. 8 January 2013: standard rule for folks in recovery...
NO relationships at all for the first year of recovery.
IF after a year in recovery you want to give him another chance I would be supportive of your choice.
BUT he needs to actually be working his r... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling self conscious about my chest size?
Q. Hi all, I'm feeling a little self conscious about my chest size. I'm an A75/34AA, which is pretty flat. I always thought they'd grow a cup bigger but sadly that has been my bra size since I was 13. My boyfriend doesn't mind my chest size, but I ...
A. 8 January 2013: I have a friend who had it done at your age. she's nearly 52 now and when my hubby met her a few months back the only thing he said about her was "clearly her boobs are fake"
however she loves them, her hubby obviously married her with them an... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 8 January 2013: OP you do need some help. You keep saying your wife is lying…. But she’s not. The issue is YOUR own misconceptions.
Why are you so concerned about the size of your penis? Do you really think that’s the part of your body your wife thinks a... (read in full...)
I fell for her, and only talked to her to try and get her number. Then I find out she has a boyfriend, so should I try and be friends with her?
Q. We don't know each other well or at all. We have had small talks but that's just it. I fell for her looks. I have asked if I could contact her but she said she has a boyfriend. We won't be seeing each other anymore and I don't know if I should try ...
A. 8 January 2013: I would not try to be friends with her.
Just be yourself... don't over think it.... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 8 January 2013: IF you asked her out, you should have paid in full.
My rule always was the person who asks pays.
Maybe I'm old school that way....
I make a lot more money than my now hubby. When we started dating... you bet he paid every penny the firs... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and his best female friend are too close for my comfort. What can I do?
Q. My Boyfriend and his best friend are really close, too close for my own comfort zone, she texts him saying she loves him and he does the same, at all hours of the night at that. They are both really touchy with one another and it drives me crazy an...
A. 8 January 2013: OP with your update it's clear he will choose her over you.
I agree I don't think he's sleeping with her... probably because she won't allow it..
I'd leave him to her to be honest. It sucks.... (read in full...)
Why does my gf act like an impossible and hysterical child during arguments?
Q. I can't seem to understand my girlfriends actions sometimes. We are from different countries, though I work and live in her country. We have been together for eight months, though she sort of left her previous boyfriend for me, who had cheated ...
A. 8 January 2013: Is there a pattern to her outbursts.
three times in 8 months? would it be maybe 3-5 weeks apart?
could it be hormonal? (along with some cultural acceptance of her behavior in the past allowing her to wallow in her misery)?
The only... (read in full...)
Is this as sign that my husband is having an affair?
Q. My husband had a strand of hair wrapped around his penis. It wasn't mine. He says that our daughters hair that gets everywhere including our brushes in our room, has got caught in his clothes and worked its way down there. And that this is a common ...
A. 8 January 2013: Well I'm a woman.
I used to have very large (130 pounds) long haired double coated dogs.
I would find their hair in intimate places and trust me I never got intimate with my dogs... Heck i never got NAKED with them in the room
I would... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and his best female friend are too close for my comfort. What can I do?
Q. My Boyfriend and his best friend are really close, too close for my own comfort zone, she texts him saying she loves him and he does the same, at all hours of the night at that. They are both really touchy with one another and it drives me crazy an...
A. 7 January 2013: you are talking to the wrong person.
you need to be talking to your supposed boyfriend.
truth is honey I think you are going to have to cut him off.
he's not respecting you if you have told him it bothers you.
I'm an easy going per... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 3 January 2013: you do realize that AVERAGE is just the middle half are bigger half are smaller... no one is actually truly AVERAGE
and to be honest 5.5 is PERFECT for me... my current husband is the least endowed of any man I've ever been with and I'd rather h... (read in full...)
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