Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Does this kiss between my wife and friend mean anything?
Q. Weve known a married couple 10+ years, they are a great couple and really close friends.I feel there is an attachment, not sure whether its emotional, physical-just different to previous friendships.We see each other almost every week, always a ...
A. 13 February 2013: Trager,
Thank you for the compliment. I know most folks speak negatively of the swinger lifestyle without having had any personal experience with it… I have had a negative experience with it but I have seen LONG term positive experiences for othe... (read in full...)
Does this kiss between my wife and friend mean anything?
Q. Weve known a married couple 10+ years, they are a great couple and really close friends.I feel there is an attachment, not sure whether its emotional, physical-just different to previous friendships.We see each other almost every week, always a ...
A. 7 February 2013: OP, you can't worry about keeping the friendship unless it's more important to you than your marriage.
Have you told your wife what he said?
IF so, what did she say?
IF not, why not?
The fact that you told him it's a major t... (read in full...)
Is looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend, a bit odd and uncalled for?
Q. Would anyone else agree with this? Looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend is a bit odd and uncalled for? Why would they want to look at someone else that soon?...
A. 26 January 2013: IF it's your partner and it bothers you then it's uncalled for. Did you tell him? Did you ask him why he feels the need to do this.
Why would he do it? I am not him so I have no clue
maybe it's a specific star and he's hot for her (my ... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend called after 4 years! Do I phone him back?
Q. Today i received a missed call from my ex boyfriend. I haven't seen him since end of 2008! When we were together, i did lend him money (one of the things i regret the most and never do that now!) and i have never got it back. I'm confused why he ...
A. 26 January 2013: it's possible he's made amends in his life and wants to pay you back what he owes you.
4 years is a bit of time and you guys are young so it's possible he's grown and matured.
I'd return the call and see what's up and go from there.
If... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my best friend/boyfriend? Or end things?
Q. Hello, I am a 21 year old female and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When I first met him, we had a wonderful relationship...about 8 months into it, he started drifting away. He wanted to spend more time with his friends and not ...
A. 25 January 2013: oh sweetie you are going to feel awful no matter what.
bite the bullet and get it over with
and go NO CONTACT with him... block his phone, his email and all social media.... I promise 6 weeks after the break up you will be feeling better.... (read in full...)
He ended things without a word and now I have to see him. How should I act?
Q. Has anybody ever had to deal with a situation like this, i'm sure it's happened many times but I don't know how to react or what i should do or say when i see him... There's this guy who I was dating for nearly 6 months, a long time! He's not m...
A. 25 January 2013: Sounds like you guys were FWB and he's done. Maybe he met someone else. Are you going to be ok if he shows up Saturday with a date? I think if it was me my head would explode so early out after being dumped by a guy who was using me that I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to know if he can go to a party where his ex will be. What do I say?
Q. My bf met up with his ex behind my back 2 years ago. He lied about it but the truth eventually came out. Not only that he'd saved semi naked (recent) photos on his computer from her facebook. We had a massive argument and had a break but I ...
A. 25 January 2013: yeah why would he be going without you at all?
Parties are social and you are his partner... him wanting to go to a casual mixed sex social event without you would set my radar spinning...... (read in full...)
I confronted my husband about flirting with girls and now he has turned cold on me
Q. How can I improve my relationship with my husband?I found out that he was flirting with girls that he termed as just friends,I confronted him,but todate he has completely changed.He treats me coldly,doesnt show any affection,is never interested in ...
A. 25 January 2013: how can you improve the relationship with a man who is at minimum emotionally cheating on you.
He is not interested in intimacy with you.
He's not willing to take your needs/desires/wants into consideration.
He's not affectionate or ... (read in full...)
A weekend away together, he grew cold on the way home and now has totally frozen me out. Why?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for 2 months. Things were going great. Just two weeks ago, during my drive home after hanging out with him, he sent me a text that said, "I think we should take this relationship to a new level, will you be my facebook ...
A. 25 January 2013: sounds like he had such a great time he scared himself...
you have every right to be hurt and confused. he's sending very mixed signals...
I think the only thing you can do is wait him out.
I would give him two weeks to contact yo... (read in full...)
Suddenly can't do bjs any more??
Q. ok so i have a problem. I have been marrried for 11 yrs and all 1 of those yrs i was able to give great messy blow jobs no problem, but lately i just cant as soon as it gets too wet i start to panic and feel like i cant breathe? it upsets my husband ...
A. 25 January 2013: have you had a medical work up recently to make sure there is no medical reason (sinus issues or other problems) for this sudden change?
If you get a clean bill of health, I would suggest considering what's going on to be causing the panic at... (read in full...)
Am I too small to have sex?
Q. I know this is gonna sound weird but me and my friend got into this really weird conversation about sex (we're both virgins which would explain the constant giggles and blushes) which led to me wondering about how deep my vagina was inside. I actu...
A. 25 January 2013: You sound fine.
Read the signs is right... think about the fact that a BABY comes out that way...
the vagina is a muscle... it elongates and lubricates to receive the penis.
when I was doing Natural family planning I had to check my c... (read in full...)
He doesn't look at me anymore
Q. Hi, everyone. first thing is that I am married, but someone has come to my life and has me all confused. My husband and me are having to many problems. OK getting to the point. I met this guy about a year ago, he works at his father store just a ...
A. 25 January 2013: The reason this bothers you is because your marriage is not good. If your marriage was good, a small flirtation would make it better not make you so sad when it was over.
The reason it’s over is that he’s a taken man (he has a girlfrie... (read in full...)
He was in an open relationship previously and my friends don't approve of our relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I started seeing each other a year ago. He was in an open relationship at the time but that ended last May and we have been exclusive since so officially we've been together about 8 months. My problem is my friends are still so...
A. 25 January 2013: The reason your friends concerns bother you is because in the back of your mind you worry about these things too. If you truly believed that the things they are saying were not possible you would have the inner strength to tell them so. But they ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my Boyfriend that his smoking weed is a deal breaker for me?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. When we first met i didnt know he smoked weed, but as time went on he seemed to smoke more and more to the point where i said it was bothering me. His personality has changed and the smell drives me ...
A. 25 January 2013: I'm sorry there is nothing more you can do.
It's a deal breaker for you and he wants to use it.
You have told him you don't like it and don't want him using it but you are not showing him by leaving him.
You will have to leave I'm afrai... (read in full...)
I'm starting to think his sex addiction is a problem
Q. My boyfriend has been telling me that he is thinking about having sex with other girls. He thinks about how exciting it would be and what kind of things he can do to other girls. We are both aware that he is addicted to sex, and he falls into the ...
A. 25 January 2013: Well of course you THINK about it. But our higher functions lead us to NOT do it if we are in a committed monogamous relationship.
DO you want him to have sex with other girls? IF NOT, then do not forgive him. DO not allow it. He can r... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my best friend/boyfriend? Or end things?
Q. Hello, I am a 21 year old female and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When I first met him, we had a wonderful relationship...about 8 months into it, he started drifting away. He wanted to spend more time with his friends and not ...
A. 25 January 2013: He's a liar and a cheater. He's never been true to you and never will be.
He's not your best friend as he has no respect for you as a person.
he uses you when he can't find someone else to play with.
To be honest you can't hurt him. He'... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend controlling or normal?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for just 4 months now but we have been seeing eachother since last July. He is honestly, the most caring, loving, gentle man I have ever come across ( and I am not saying that because he is my boyfriend ). I have just ...
A. 25 January 2013: “He is the most caring, loving, gentle man…” do you say this to convince yourself or us? Because he’s not loving or caring or gentle. He’s controlling, and manipulative and emotionally battering.
“he treated me like a little girl and he hate... (read in full...)
Online date turned out to be much bigger than I expected. How do I let her know I am not physically attracted without hurting her?
Q. Hi so recently i set up a profile on a dating site. I was contacted by a girl that looked really cute. We talked for a bit exchanged phone numbers, and texted a bunch, she was really cool and we had some common interests. We met up recently and i ...
A. 25 January 2013: DO not beat around the bush with this.
She knows she's a "big girl". That's why she only posted face shots. It's not like you are going to tell her something she does not know.
Also, YOU are NEVER responsible for someone's self-esteem. ... (read in full...)
I really like this girl but it doesn't seem right to ask her out. I'm 4 years older. What can I do?
Q. Recently a girl joined my college..she is 4 years younger than me..we know each other because her brother was my school buddy. From the first day of her college, I really liked her. Now here comes the problem.. I don't want to tell her that I like h...
A. 25 January 2013: If you are 21 and she is 17, well then that's not too bad.
4 years is really nothing...
Other than age is there a reason you are hesitating?... (read in full...)
How important is oral sex?
Q. The basic question here is how important is oral sex to you? I'm aiming this at both genders just to get an overview from both sides. I've been with some people who absolutely love oral and others who aren't really that interested in it and i'd li...
A. 25 January 2013: Well I can tell you that I love getting it. It's the only way I'm going to orgasm during sex. Sadly I married a man who refuses to do it. I accepted this and knew this from the get go. I'm sad. I miss it.
My husband on the other hand, ... (read in full...)
14 and confused about my sexuality
Q. Im 14 and in the Past few months I have been masturbating and suddenly feel an attraction towards gays and orgasm more quickly. Yet at the same time I have never had a crush on a boy and have had many over girls and regularly get erections thinking ...
A. 24 January 2013: well you may be straight or bi. but it's not much to worry about at this point. Teens are supposed to be confused about their sexuality. It's part of maturing.
Being turned on by thinking of gay things does not make you gay. It does not make... (read in full...)
A virgin dating a player. I'm scared about having sex with him!
Q. Hey everyone, I'm dating a well known business man of my city,and even before I knew him I'd read about how he's a player and is not really looking for a relationship,I never ever thought for the life of me I'd date him some day!so when I got into...
A. 24 January 2013: I would not sleep with him until you are married. He's a known player. you have no experience in this arena and he will run roughshod all over you emotionally.
... (read in full...)
Why does my husband watch one particular part of my body during sex?
Q. Hi, I am really embarrassed but here it goes: sex with my husband is over the top. I mean, since I've been with him I finally understood what "to make love" means: he's caring and sentimental in the bedroom and outside the bedroom too. When he is ...
A. 24 January 2013: I'm with FA I was thinking... what body part could it possibly be.
... (read in full...)
Why does my husband watch one particular part of my body during sex?
Q. Hi, I am really embarrassed but here it goes: sex with my husband is over the top. I mean, since I've been with him I finally understood what "to make love" means: he's caring and sentimental in the bedroom and outside the bedroom too. When he is ...
A. 24 January 2013: Ok so he likes to watch the actual act of intercourse. ME TOO!
for a MOMENT he forgets....
is it ok... well for me it's fine. I don't see a problem.
he's your husband...do you think he married you for sex? why would he fake caring ab... (read in full...)
Some of my husband's actions are making me uncomfortable. He says there's nothing to it. What do I do?
Q. I'm four months pregnant with my first child. Overall, things have been going well in my relationship with my husband. My sex life isn't quite what it used to be, but it's not like we don't have sex at all. (And not because I don't want to!) Over...
A. 24 January 2013: I delete my history sometimes.. it just gets cumbersome.
I have a feeling it's pregnancy hormones... they make us crazy.
why would he TELL you about a dream to worry you if there really was something going on?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend looks at other women and makes me feel horrid!
Q. My boyfriend and have been together for three years now. He cheated on his ex wife and has made me feel uncomfortable when other women are around us. The first time this happened was when we invited a friend to lunch and she held his gaze for a ...
A. 24 January 2013: his looking at other women is not the issue. it's how it makes you feel that's the problem.
If he didn't look at women would you still feel like the house maid? sure. because you are doing all the work right?
if he didn't look at o... (read in full...)
Is a man wearing a women's swimsuit really a 'sexual offense' especially as the man did it drunk at a party?
Q. I have recently found out my 24-year-old daughter is dating a convicted sex offender, she had inadvertently mentioned it when talking about her new boyfriend (he's 32). I feel sick and disgusted but at the sametime am powerless to stop her. She...
A. 24 January 2013: to me that makes no sense. If he's a sex offender there are public records... you should be able to look it up.
I can't see how wearing a woman's swim suit is a sexual offense.....
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refuses or is incapable of loving me
Q. I love my boyfriend, But he doesn't know. He doesn't believe in being in love or falling in love, he actually hates the phrase "Falling in love", he doesn't think its real. We say all the time we like each other. But its killing me because I love ...
A. 24 January 2013: Actions speak louder than words in this case.
My husband, when we started dating told me "I don't say 'I love you'" and he doesn't. He has once or twice told me I love you (usually when drunk) and once he said "I love you too" when I had not ... (read in full...)
I'm almost sure b/f cheated but he's saying I did and gave him a STD!
Q. So I'll try to make this short, I have been dating this guy for about a year and a half and we have had a tough time, there hasn't been any cheating as far as I know, except the one time about six months ago I caught him exchanging naked pics with ...
A. 24 January 2013: He's not going to tell the truth.
You need to dump his lying cheating butt.
he begged you to come back so he has a saftey net to fall into when he can't find anyone else.
He claims he loves you because that's what he's supposed to say to ... (read in full...)
My father is a hoarder and has poor hygiene refusing to bathe or wash his hands!
Q. Let me start out by saying I know this is a relationahip forum but this is one of the better sites that gives advice so please answer this question about a family member. This question is more for my mother to ask but the entire family is being ...
A. 24 January 2013: you really can't change him. Hoarding is a mental illness. His lack of hygiene is long term and may be a part of his mental illness as well.
If you are so repulsed by it at your age you can move out and refuse to go to their home.
If ther... (read in full...)
Gf sending dirty texts to another man
Q. Hi, I've been with my gf for nearly 3 years, it's had it's ups and downs but we've got through them, between us we have 4 children, she has 3 girls I have one boy. The two youngest girls dad left when the youngest was born, and hasn't been around ...
A. 24 January 2013: Good Luck OP... it's a hard thing to do.... (read in full...)
I'm worried that I'm leaning too much on my boyfriend and he should be out having fun
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years following a long friendship and we are very much in love and looking into moving in together after in finish uni (he is currentrly in a graduate position). I haven't had it easy in the last year or...
A. 24 January 2013: I agree with CMMP, the whole point behind a PARTNER is for better for worse....
do not lie to him or hide your sadness.
It sounds to me like you are overwhelmed with school and family issues... your boyfriend is your partner and he feels a r... (read in full...)
Does this kiss between my wife and friend mean anything?
Q. Weve known a married couple 10+ years, they are a great couple and really close friends.I feel there is an attachment, not sure whether its emotional, physical-just different to previous friendships.We see each other almost every week, always a ...
A. 24 January 2013: Ah I love follow-ups… thank you OP for clarifying so many things.
1. DO NOT EVER consider swinging. YOU can’t handle it, based on your follow up.
2. I do not know what ^^^ed is supposed to mean but no one said she was drunk or irrespons... (read in full...)
Me and this guy have been in contact for 5 months but haven't yet met up. We arranged a meet up and he's gone silent. What should I do next?
Q. So I've been talking to this boy for about 5 months by text/phone calls.. we've been asking to meet up and that but it hasn't happened yet.. So yesterday we decided to meet up today and we was not really keen and I texted him this morning asking i...
A. 23 January 2013: if you have been calling and texting for 5 months and live close enough to meet face to face without much effort and this is the first time you are setting up a meeting, he's not that into you.
move on.... (read in full...)
My ex will not see me and is using her mother as a shield
Q. Dear cupids My heart is breaking because the girl I love (Caroline) is refusing to speak to me. Caroline has ended our relationship on a weekly basis pretty much for the whole of the last year. But we truly love each other and we both know we are m...
A. 23 January 2013: OP,
I read your entire post and within a few paragraphs I sensed something that leads me to suspect that you are not entirely grounded in reality. I do not know if you have ever had an evaluation of any type or if you are Aspergers or some othe... (read in full...)
How do I find out if this older guy is interested without really asking him?
Q. Hello, I'm an 18 year old female and I am lusting over a 26 year old guy. He is so sweet and good looking. But how do I tell if he's interested without fully asking? I've never been interested in an older guy before so I'm sure it might be a little ...
A. 23 January 2013: well you're legal and he's not that much older than you...
why not ask him if he wants to get some coffee or something.
... (read in full...)
Did I mean nothing to him the whole 7 months we were dating? He broke up with me because of his ex
Q. 5 weeks ago my boyfriend dumped me because he said he still has feelings for his ex girlfriend that he was with for 3.5 years. They broke up about 1 year ago. He was really honest about it, he cried too and said it will be hard for him letting me ...
A. 23 January 2013: I am sure he thinks of you and feels bad.
But let's me honest he broke up with her 12 months ago
he was with her 3.5 years.
so let's work backwards if he broke up with her 12 months ago and you guys broke up 5 weeks ago that's 11 mo... (read in full...)
Why does my guy keep on his shirt and boxers during sex?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we have always been sexually compatible. However he always wears his shirt and boxers while we have sex. He will take his shirt off if I do it for Him, but it is never something he does on ...
A. 23 January 2013: just because you think he's perfect does not mean he does.
have you ASKED HIM why he does it?
It could be he's insecure
It could be a religious thing
it could be a fetish
maybe he needs to have his clothes on to "finish" some people get ... (read in full...)
Does this kiss between my wife and friend mean anything?
Q. Weve known a married couple 10+ years, they are a great couple and really close friends.I feel there is an attachment, not sure whether its emotional, physical-just different to previous friendships.We see each other almost every week, always a ...
A. 23 January 2013: alcohol makes us do things we would not and should not normally do.
I would LET IT GO
and NOT joke about this.
Swinging has ruined more marriages than I care to admit.
My last marriage was open and it was the death of the marriage.... (read in full...)
I regret my transsexual surgery. What to do?
Q. Hello everyone, Im having some troubles now. I went through a transsexual surgery some time ago and turned from a male into a female. However, recently I start to see some identity crisis in myself. The main objective of the surgery was so t...
A. 23 January 2013: What does the doctor that worked with you to prep for your surgery advise? I'm sure you had to have major psychological workups for this surgery... I would go back to the psychological prep team and seek guidance from them.... (read in full...)
Shall I stay or go?
Q. I've been dating a wonderful man for almost a year now, I stay in his home about 5 days a week, sometimes 6. Everything is going so well. He has hinted about me officially moving in but today I asked him if we could talk about it (seriously) he ...
A. 23 January 2013: what will happen to your place? how will this be paid for?
would you marry this guy?
when my hubby and I were LDR, we knew that we could not stand to be apart as much as we were having to be... so we moved in together (by this time we kne... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend is moving away and I'm heartbroken because I still love him. Help!
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 1.5 months ago and we weren't really in much contact. However, we decided to meet up and today he told me that he is going to be moving back home in a month, which is halfway across the country. I was already ...
A. 23 January 2013: the only comfort I can offer is that his moving is a good thing.
time and distance have an amazing way of healing....... (read in full...)
Why doesn't sex "feel" good?
Q. I don't know what it is but sex just does not feel enjoyable to me. I am beginning to think it is just my age. I am only 20 and I hear a lot of the time women do not hit their sexual peak until they are well into their 30s and 40s. Ladies, is that ...
A. 23 January 2013: it's never been the be all to end all for me either although I will admit that at age 35 or so it started getting better...
I do not orgasm from penetration ever. It takes a skilled in oral partner to bring me to orgasm so I never expect i... (read in full...)
Gf sending dirty texts to another man
Q. Hi, I've been with my gf for nearly 3 years, it's had it's ups and downs but we've got through them, between us we have 4 children, she has 3 girls I have one boy. The two youngest girls dad left when the youngest was born, and hasn't been around ...
A. 23 January 2013: the fact that she is willing to lie to her child and refer to the dad as "mummy's friend" is disconcerting and wrong.
That alone tells me she has a skewed sense of right and wrong.
If she is sexting with another person she is cheating on y... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
