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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How can I tell this girl who I've kissed that I think she's the one? Trouble is it's now a LDR
Q. Hi im 14 and live in one place in my state but there is this girl who I like but she lives in another place in my state. I don't know how to tell her my feelings, especially that she's the girl for me. But the major problem is that we've kissed b...
A. 16 January 2013: how far apart are you guys... because I gotta tell you, unless you go to the same school or live in the same neighborhood or close enough, it's an LDR at your age and it probably will not work in the long run.
she may be the one, heck my grand... (read in full...)
She doesn't want to change her Facebook status to 'in a relationship'....
Q. Im in a ldr with a wonderful girl for about 8 months, i've been introduced to her friends and family, in fact we spend christmas and new years together. i have pictures on my fb showing us together and she has shown me in other ways she cares about ...
A. 16 January 2013: My husband won't even have a facebook page... all I say on my page is MARRIED... not anything about who.... but I don't live my life on facebook (contrary to what many of my friends think)
You are 30-35 not 13-15. I had to check the age. I t... (read in full...)
First time seeing the college psychologist and I don't feel like I go anywhere, how can I ask for another psychiatrist without hurting her feelings?
Q. Ok, so I've never went to see a "professional" about anything before...I have slipped into depression lately after leaving my ex boyfriend and I just felt a little pathetic so I decided to make an appointment with a licensed psychologist at my ...
A. 16 January 2013: oh dear... she needed to explain it to you
psychiatrists prescribe medications and may do intensive therapy for folks who have major disorders like Dissassociative disorders (what some folks call multiple personalties) or the like. but Psycholo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't get jealous and it seems like he doesn't care about me, do you think he doesn't see a future with me?
Q. Hi, I'm currently in first relashionship and i feel that my boyfriend doesn't care much about me. Lately or each time he starts to talk about the future he allways excludes me, like if he somehow knows we won't last or doesnt wants to. He says stuff ...
A. 16 January 2013: oh yes he very much IS saying it on purpose.
He's making it very very clear to you that he does not see you as a lifetime partner. You are MISS DO FOR NOW till he finds someeone else.
this is not a bad thing if that's what you want but if... (read in full...)
I cant count on my boyfriend anymore, what should I do now?
Q. Hello, Please advise me since Im very nervous because of my boyfriend's behavior..he is almost 11 years older than me, never married and lives in germany since he was 13. he left his country at the age of 13 to join her mother in the USA but coul...
A. 16 January 2013: He's a time waster honey... cut him loose and find a local guy...... (read in full...)
Should I tell my religious parents that I'm bisexual now, or wait until I am older?
Q. So 15 and bisexual. I lean more to the guys side but I can some girl do turn me on, but I problem is that I want to break the news to my parents, and knowing my mom being so religious and traditional and my dad who I barely talk to. I know that ...
A. 16 January 2013: Based on your mom's response I would wait. Sadly often I find that being bisexual gets less respect than being straight or gay... even my gay brother just teases me that I can't make up my mind.
it's very hard for parents who dream of a "normal"... (read in full...)
I feel good but bad at he same time. I told my FWB that I'd developed feelings for him. Now he wants a break?
Q. Oh gosh, okay, sorry if this is a little long it may just end up viewed as venting. I've been seeing this guy and I've posted about this situation a couple of months ago. Well, we continued seeing each other and it seems now that it was clearly ...
A. 16 January 2013: you care way more than he does or will.
saying how you felt was good. it was honest.
He's being kind and worries about you as a human being but he was honest that you are not his special someone... accept it.
and since you cannot cope wi... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to consider changing my job? I like the people I work with now. But I'm bored at work.
Q. I don't know what I should do careerwise. My part-time work is in a nice place, but I'm not very motivated there, perhaps I'm a somewhat indolent person. Plus I must admit that I've never been one of those enthusiastic career-oriented women who wa...
A. 16 January 2013: A woman who is fully self supporting is a joy.
She does not have to depend on mommy and daddy for help.
She does not have to settle for a man she only tolerates to help support her.
she does not have to stay in a bad marriage due to finances... (read in full...)
Does anybody know how long waxing lasts for?
Q. Does anybody know how long waxing lasts for? I'm seeing my boyfriend this weekend and want to get a full brazilian as i've heard waxing is far better and lasts a long time. The thing is my appointment is on Thursday this week, but then the next time ...
A. 16 January 2013: no you will be spouting hair again if you have waxing on the 17... that's nearly a month.
you have two options.
1. skip this waxing (I will go 8 weeks or longer depending on what's going on in my life)
2. wax now and then wax again in fo... (read in full...)
Couldn't take his attitude any more.
Q. Ive been on and off with this pig. hes attitude is foul. he keeps standing me up and he does things i realy dont approve. hes made me suffer for so long. he pretended i was acually going to his last saturday night (saturday before the last one) and ...
A. 16 January 2013: what you do is BLOCK HIM (phone email and social media)
He's playing head games with you but it takes two to play.
stop playing back.
IGNORE him and he will go away
HIS goal to get you back is NOT about how great you are but a... (read in full...)
Married man curious about a tranny
Q. I have been married for there years. I have become very curious about transsexuals and think I might want to try having sex with one. I am curious what anal sex feels like. I don't know if that makes me a bisexual?. My wife caught me looking at ...
A. 16 January 2013: When my former husband wanted anal sex I would put on a strap on and give him anal. NO TRANNY needed.
how about you go to your wife and ask her to help you with your tranny fantasy.... (read in full...)
It seems like I'll never find a monogamous relationship -- anyone else experience this in the gay community?
Q. Hello readers, I hope you can all help me understand this mess. So I'm gay and I've been going on dates with guys, but well seems like I wasn't born to have a significant other. I don't think I'm that ugly as I get compliments a lot of times. oh...
A. 16 January 2013: I think it's an age thing.
My brother met his husband 15 years ago and he's 50 this year... before that he had maybe ONE serious relationship.
My son who is 26 (and straight just to show it goes to all sexual orientations) canno... (read in full...)
Starting to feel used in this relationship -- am I blowing things out of proportion?
Q. I have a range of niggling issues with my boyfriend who Ive been seeing for 6 months. On the whole he is kind and loving but I have noticed that when we go out for a meal, the cinema or somewhere else I end up paying... he never offers or reaches ...
A. 16 January 2013: I think you are being used and I think you are being cheated on.
Stop paying for him
Stop picking him up
stop making it easy for him...
he'll go away all by himself.... (read in full...)
Dating for 2 years with no talk of the future, is this normal?
Q. Dear Cupid, Does anyone think it's normal to be in an exclusive dating relationship with a man for 2 years and still not know where the relationship is headed? We are both middle aged, own homes, spend 5 days a week together going back and ...
A. 16 January 2013: I'm sorry you are hurting...
thanks for the update. I bet a year from now you can update us with even more awesome news.... (read in full...)
Relationship with an old parent and siblings.
Q. I am a 45 year old single male - I have an old mother (75+) who lives with me - we share a reasonable relationship most of the times but there are instances when things just get too difficult. I strongly believe my mother's ability to compr...
A. 15 January 2013: if she is close to your sisters let her go live with them for a while.... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty that I've stopped being a customer at a shop because of expenses?
Q. Should I feel guilty about this? For several years now I have got on very well with a local shop where I buy my lunch. They treat me like a daughter. But this year I need to conserve my money as I know I have some big expenses later this year....
A. 15 January 2013: GREAT fiscal move on your part.
I would stop in and let them know that it's NOTHING they did and you miss them but it's your way to save money.
and maybe you could treat yourself once a week or so to something from the shop
... (read in full...)
Does a curved penis cause trouble during sex?
Q. ok guys. question about curved penis. my penis is curved downwards and its curved pretty good. its not like an L shaped curve but rather just points downwards after 2 inch on the shaft on a 45 degree angle or maybe 60. im just wondering is this ...
A. 15 January 2013: Curved can rub in all the right places.
besides there are so many positions to try
her on top facing you
her on top facing away
you on top
you behind
dovetail
scissors
doggy
and then there's always oral.
don't worry about it.... (read in full...)
My ex-husband's fiancée is trying to come between him and our kids!!
Q. HI my fellow Aunts. Need your help with something if you don't mind. Long story short my ex husbands fiancee` is being a bitch. I have 3 kids two of which are my ex husbands, we get on really well (since he came back here) he lived abroad for...
A. 15 January 2013: Since the kids saw it, I say let the kids ask daddy about it. If they are old enough to have facebook pages they are old enough to handle it themselves.
"daddy are you really going to not talk to me on my birthday so you can be with susan ... (read in full...)
I'm confused by his actions. What should I do?
Q. Hi all, I am a 30 year old woman who has been talking to a 43 year old guy for around 3 months. Initially, he pursued me but after a couple of weeks things got heated and we were intimate twice. Since then, He has texted me less, sometimes not he...
A. 15 January 2013: I would let him go. If he was truly interested he would not be talking to other women and he would surely not tell you about it.... (read in full...)
Crush central. How do I get to know him better? And he's joining the army soon. And I'm moving far away.
Q. I'm in my last year of high school and i realize ive got it sooo bad for this guy in my grade. We don't have any classes together but when he talks to people I know everything I need to know. He's not like really good-looking, he's not popular...
A. 15 January 2013: Oh you have a crush on this guy bad don’t you?
OP you said: “sometimes i think he might be the one.” I can pretty much assure you dear , he’s not “the one”. IN fact, we really don’t have ONE… we have OPTIONS.
So you like him based on wha... (read in full...)
How does a man know what "type" of girls is he interested in?
Q. Dear readers I'm am 19 years of age And I was just wondering how a man knows when he discovers the "type" of girls he is interested in. A lot of friends say that I like blondes and sure I have dated a few blonde girls but the only proper rela...
A. 15 January 2013: My type:
breathing
kind
funny
generous
smart
tolerant
I've been married 4 times let's see:
#1. dark hair dark eyes about 5'6" no facial hair older than me
#2. what's left of his dark hair was going gray, blue eyes, about 5'8" ... (read in full...)
I need some help with the jealousy I experiencing over two friends. I need your help please?
Q. Ok, here is my story. I have these 2 friends they are girls and I am a girl as well. I met my first friend at work about 2 years ago (Friend A) and Friend B came in a year later. By this time Friend A and I got close, hung out, had fun and be...
A. 15 January 2013: I understand how friend B feels but you are not responsible for her feelings.
If you don't want to make the effort any more you just don't. Don't call. Don't text. Just go on with life.
she will contact you. IF she is nice and friendly an... (read in full...)
I really like him and want to get more intimate with him. What should I do?
Q. Hi, I have been dating this great guy for about 3 months, Hes nice to me, Opens the door for me, always pays for diner.I met his mom an dad. Hes on the shy side, I have to grab his hand always first than he holds it.I want to get closer to him, but ...
A. 15 January 2013: you are going to have to ask him what's up with the lack of sex. He may not know you want more physical intimacy.
He may be impotent and not want to share that with you (if he's your age or older)
He may be a closet gay and not dealing with... (read in full...)
We've been a couple for three years. Yet he's told me the thought of sex terrifies him. What do I say to discuss this problem with him?
Q. Ok, so I've been with this guy for about 3 years now. I'll be 18 in 4 days and he just turned 20 two months ago. He's is literally my best friend and we do everything together, we are inseperable. Its coming time to where hes getting his own plac...
A. 15 January 2013: IF he was sexually abused as a child he cannot fix this on his own. He needs to see a therapist who specializes in recovering from abuse specifically sexual abuse.
If he refuses honey, think long and hard about if you want to spend your life wit... (read in full...)
Texting, coming over, then ignoring me! Why?
Q. me and my bf broke up he couldn't handle a gf at the moment ignored me for about 2 weeks finally came over had a great night then a couple days later ignored me again. came over again everything was perfect between us slept over and then I mentioned ...
A. 15 January 2013: you didn't do anything other than think he wanted more than to get laid.
It's over. He's joined the army and will be leaving and trust me you don't want to do LDR with a guy without a perfect track record to begin with...
He came by to s... (read in full...)
I feel like making random strangers happy is more important to him than prioritizing our own relationship
Q. I feel funny about a situation that came up with my boyfriend last night but I am not sure how to handle it. Last night my boyfriend (of 3 months) was texting a friend and when i walked near him, he quickly moved the phone so I couldn't read it...
A. 15 January 2013: My ex-husband would do it because he needed the ego stroke back from others that he was desirable.
he would then tell them "I love you" and I would find these texts and say "you're married you can't say that" and he would say "as a friend" ... (read in full...)
Does she like me if she answers 3 days later?
Q. Hi People, Regarding a little problem I was confused about a certain thing. Well it's about the following: there is a girl in my class and I know that she is kinda shy around me. Even my friend told me she acts shy when I am around. The thin...
A. 15 January 2013: It may not mean anything. she answered it when she had the answer or she had the time.
stop over thinking this.... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my husband's fantasies and learn how to dominate him?
Q. My husband confessed to me last night that he wants to wear panties and be dominated by me. I am a submissive person by nature and was kinda sick by his fantasy. I like a manly man! I know he has talked about this and has acted on it with another ...
A. 15 January 2013: Many powerful men want to be submissive in the bedroom.
try this:
when he comes home, greet him at the door (if you can) wearing something black and leather... go to the "adult toy store" and purchase some BDSM toys... a blindfold... some so... (read in full...)
Boyfriend went on online dating site, I made fake profile and he wants to meet! Now what?
Q. I need help urgently!!! I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8months tomorrow, and right now I am so confused on what to do next!! At the start of the month we moved in together in a flat, and he often tells me he loves me, etc....
A. 15 January 2013: yes dear he's a liar and a cheater.
But I would have done exactly what Code Warrior said.
You have your proof that he' does not care enough about you to treat you with respect.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend rarely wants sex, how can I help him overcome this?
Q. I'm 26, my partner's 28, and we've been together for 18 months. We met through a classic car show for enthusiasts of 1970s/80s cars and have been together since. We were friends first, but he was a bit wary about flirting with me, so I had to do it ...
A. 15 January 2013: My husband has a low sex drive. It drives me bats but I’ve learned to live with it. I don’t recommend it for someone so young and not married to their partner.
If he has had a complete medical work up and his hormone levels are normal and he r... (read in full...)
She won't let me give her an orgasm!
Q. I've been with my girlfriend (I'll call her Emily) for about two and a half months but she finds it hard to let me try to give her an orgasm. She was with her ex for three years and claims that this ex had never made her come in all that time but ...
A. 15 January 2013: I think your focus is on the wrong thing.
Truly it's NOT your responsibility to give her an orgasm. It's never the partners responsibility. IF it happens that's nice.
I know how she feels. personally for me, with someone who doesn't hit ... (read in full...)
Do you think he really does just hate technology, or does he not care enough to stay in contact more?
Q. My boyfriend used to text loads and basically stay in touch loads when we were first going out, but these days it feels like he forces himself to contact at all? He says he hates texting and doesnt really like phone calling or emailing much ei...
A. 15 January 2013: He didn't hate technology when you started did he?
So what has changed now? IF you were NOT LDR and he was texting a lot before he moved (or you moved) and all of a sudden he hates technology... something is up and your radar is sensing it.
... (read in full...)
Trying to work things out with the ex but I'm giving him enough rope to hang himself. How long do I give him to change?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I have decided to work our relationship out. In 3 years, we've broken up twice and have been through a lot together. Our breakups centered around him basically not having enough time for me, and by that I mean literally seeing ...
A. 15 January 2013: I would refuse to be someone's lowest priority.
"he is in law enforcement" so what does he work 60 hours a week? 80? what does he do with his time off? how often is he in touch with you?
what makes you think that it will change? ... (read in full...)
He wants to be faithful to his girlfriend, but I want to tell him how I feel. Is this a good idea?
Q. I met this guy about a year ago and recently, in September, we began to hang out and we became "close" like intimate. I liked him and I still do. The problem is that he has a girlfriend now. For about two months, we fell off because of a conflict ...
A. 15 January 2013: If he is still contacting you, you can tell him but do you really think it will make you feel better or just create a whole new mess.
Let me point out that by contacting you, he is in a way disrespecting his GF, unless she is aware of it and is o... (read in full...)
I don't trust him anymore and am thinking about leaving, what should I do?
Q. I and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 years now, we love each other despite religion differences, he pays me visit and calls me, he introduce me to his male friends but now everything has changed. Now he does not call except when i call ...
A. 15 January 2013: Ok let me get this straight:
Everything has changed. Meaning he no longer is rowing this relationship boat. He is not calling you. When yolu go to see him he only wants sex right? He does not treat you properly. YOU DO NOT TRUST HIM
IF yo... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my husband's fantasies and learn how to dominate him?
Q. My husband confessed to me last night that he wants to wear panties and be dominated by me. I am a submissive person by nature and was kinda sick by his fantasy. I like a manly man! I know he has talked about this and has acted on it with another ...
A. 14 January 2013: For some men domination is not about sex it's just about the domination.
IF he wants to wear panties and he wants to be dominated but you are bothered by this and he can find a woman to dominate him and let him wear the panties, and then come hom... (read in full...)
He wants to be faithful to his girlfriend, but I want to tell him how I feel. Is this a good idea?
Q. I met this guy about a year ago and recently, in September, we began to hang out and we became "close" like intimate. I liked him and I still do. The problem is that he has a girlfriend now. For about two months, we fell off because of a conflict ...
A. 14 January 2013: He is wise. He has a girlfriend and wants no contact with you because of this.
It would be mature and respectful of you to hear what he is saying and know that you made a nice choice in a man but that he's off limits now due to his choice to be wi... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband to evict him? And that I've been flirting with the younger cute male student we sub-let a room to?
Q. Times have been hard lately for my husband and I so we got a room mate to help split the rent of our 3 bedroom 3 bathroom home.I'm 27 and my husband is 29 our new room mate is a 20 year old college student, pretty quit and geeky. I'm a stay at home ...
A. 14 January 2013: I would have him move out and I would suggest you get a job to help with the bills instead.
I would not move an unrelated person into a marital home EVER.... (read in full...)
Should I stay and wait for an answer? Or should I go? If I leave, there is no coming back....
Q. So my boyfriend was out of town for a week for a work related class. Before he left I had flipped out on him about how I feel that his actions say he has little to no feelings or love for me anymore. Unfortunately, I chose a relationship with ...
A. 14 January 2013: His wife is DEAD A YEAR? is that a typo?
ONE YEAR after a suicide and you moved... how long have you two been together?
he needs grief counseling. and probably some more life counseling as well. are there children?
How would you like ... (read in full...)
This guy is creeping me out by staring at me, why is he doing it?
Q. There is this guy, everytime I see him he just stares at me I can feel his eyes on me every time he never talks to me, he looks at me then looks away. But today he looked at me, took a breath in then out, then looked away, what does it mean? why is ...
A. 14 January 2013: he may like you. and be nervous to say something.
are you open to that or is your screen name indicative of how you see your self and you don't see him as worthy of this?
or is your screen name an indication of how you dress? maybe you are s... (read in full...)
Is there ever a good reason or explanation for cheating?
Q. I learned my lesbian gf was cheating on me by talking with other women. One in particular I caught her talking with twice. After the first time getting caught she promised she was sorry and she wouldn't do anything like that to hurt me again. She ...
A. 14 January 2013: I'm sorry there is never a good reason for cheating.
IF you are that unhappy in a relationship for whatever reasons you have several options.
1. you can leave the relationship and just say it's not working for me....
2. you can ask... (read in full...)
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