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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 25 February 2013: You canceled two dates.
then when you said you would get in touch with him you got too drunk to do so.... and again you broke your word.
if you are not playing games on purpose with this guy you are playing games subconsciously and i... (read in full...)
I am attracted to my married female pastor and I think she knows it. Now what?
Q. I'm attracted to our female church pastor. She's married. I took her for coffee, but I think she picked up my motives cuz she won't email me anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about her, but it's getting better now. It was terrible! I was waking ...
A. 4 February 2013: switch places of worship would be the best advice...
baring that... not much you can do.
you have a crush... it will pass...... (read in full...)
I thought he liked me but he seems to have done a 180 since my friend butted into our conversation!
Q. It all started when I was inebriated and had access to facebook. I sent this guy who I've never met/spoken to before a message saying I find him very attractive, on my friends account. She then clarified to him later on it was me who had sent it, ...
A. 4 February 2013: passwords are like underwear..
change them often
don't show them to anyone
don't lend them to anyone
in addition at your age you do not need a 'snuggle buddy" which is a nice way of saying "i'm interested in sex"
thirdly... n... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my Bf is getting tired of me. He's even said he does not feel he "needs" to see me. What can I do?
Q. I have been really worried about my relationship lately, and really need some advice. I'm worried my boyfriend is getting tired of me, or if this is just normal for a relationship as it goes along? I don't know what to do. help please! I'll try...
A. 4 February 2013: "if i can get him to stay with me till summer...."
OP you are settling for crumbs.
stop rowing your relationship boat and see what happens. That will tell you all you need to know. By this I mean... stop making the effort to contact... (read in full...)
What does it mean if a guy calls you "high maintenance"?
Q. What exactly does it mean by 'high maintenace'.. The guy I'm dating now its been a few weeks and the reason he dint ask me out earlier is because he thought I would be 'high maintenance'..what did that mean:( ?...
A. 4 February 2013: The female anonymous post about her partner not getting her a bottle of wine is perfect explanation.
One man did not find her high maintenance and yet another did.
Personally for me reading her post, I see her as high maintenance too. ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should be patient and understanding or just stop this relationship?
Q. Hello, I have reached a point where I am at a lost and I don't know if I should continue this relationship. Well, I agree that he's having serious money problems as he has borrowed money from the bank as well as from friends that he cannot repay. A...
A. 4 February 2013: A message a day does not mean love. it means he's good at sending messages.
OP I always have you on my mind....every second of the day I think of you..... I love you... I miss you. I'm so sorry I have not let you know this...
my word... (read in full...)
Will my married lover ever leave his wife?
Q. I've being dating a married man for a year now and initially I thought he was single because he is a young guy. After 3 weeks of getting to know him and fallen for him, he told me he had a wife and they got married because the lady was a girlfrie...
A. 4 February 2013: My oldest started walking seriously walking at 9 months but my baby did not walk till 13 months so there are variances but still all in all most babies walk around 12 months.
IF the baby gets to let's be GENEROUS here 18 months and is not only ... (read in full...)
I have a busy active life. Yet what on earth do I do to try and meet more people?
Q. This is a bit long and multi-faceted, I will try to summarise. Been single three years, 39, own place, interesting but not highly paid job but I'm only full-time person so no real work colleagues I see daily. Involved in amateur drama, lot...
A. 4 February 2013: you said: "but seem to be almost no singles in their 30s round here."
step one: EXPAND your age parameters... what about a late 20s something or an early 40s something?
if you are 38-40 you could even go higher.... my husband is... (read in full...)
Was that a nice way of blowing me off? Or does he actually want to see me again?
Q. So I went on a date with this guy the other night. We had a nice dinner and a few too many drinks. We ended up making out a lot and I decided that I shouldn't drive so I slept at his place. We slept in the same bed and he wanted to get physical but ...
A. 4 February 2013: Well only time will tell but if it's been more than a week, I'm voting for blowing you off....... (read in full...)
Is she too young for me to be doing more than flirting?
Q. Hi, So before people start calling me things please read everything. I'm currently married but me and my wife are looking to go our separate ways. We had our first child when we were 18 and got pressured into marriage(her family felt very strong...
A. 4 February 2013: Ok my issue is not with her age. My issue is that you are still with your wife. Get yourself formally separated and divorced before you consider a little something-something on the side. Truth is if you carry on with her your wife has grounds and ... (read in full...)
Am I bi or straight?
Q. I feel a bit puzzle about my sexual orientation. I am attracted to guys, I have crushes on a lot of guys. But at the same time, I do have crushes on girls. I think i am sexually aroused by guys. But when I see girls who are pretty, I will be become ...
A. 4 February 2013: Sexuality is a spectrum. There’s straight (male/female ONLY) bisexual (male/male is ok male/female is ok and female/female is ok) and homosexual (same sex partners)
It’s my personal belief (and that of many enlighten folks) that we all live on t... (read in full...)
Confused about masturbation and things related.
Q. Right some questions, masturbation when in a relationship - isn't the whole point of masturbating because you can choose who you want to look at as in porn/think about and not many people think of their own girlfriend because there is no point? ...
A. 4 February 2013: The whole point behind masturbation is to have an orgasm… how you get there is not the point… but it’s a “sticking point” for many insecure individuals.
You are not mad about porn right? Because yeah that can be a different issue. Porn is an issu... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about the lack of sex in our relationship?
Q. i have been in a relationship for more that five years and during this time our sex life was great. we made sure we saw eachother all the time so we could have sex since we dont live in the same house. But lately all we do is chat and hang out. We ...
A. 4 February 2013: well it's possible that he's just in a lull.
my hubby and i went through this after he moved in with me as we were renovating our home and planning our wedding... just no sex....
turns out he felt unattractive (he had gained a lot of weight) a... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as attraction-karma?
Q. Do some people just attract the opposite sex even when they aren't trying? Is there such a thing as attraction-karma? My husband and I are both nice looking (so I hear) but when ever we go out to parties or events, women seem to descend on him the ...
A. 4 February 2013: you yourself nailed it..... people put out a vibe that says "come hither" when they need/want the ego stroke of attention....
you did it in an unhappy relationship... now your hubby's vibe is picked up.... it may be that he's not unhappy but ... (read in full...)
Please, somebody help me. I found out about my boyfriend's affairs and I don't know what to do.
Q. Hey... well, I couldn't be in worse shape right now. My "boyfriend" and I are in a very dark place. At first, I would defend him whenever people would talk bad of him. And I would just like to say now that my friends have always said that my ...
A. 4 February 2013: Honey if you see him he's using you.
It's time for you to accept that he's a jerk and you can do much better.
do not blame your passive aggressive behavior with him (the changes you describe are not truly attributed to BC but rather your disl... (read in full...)
After10 years of sleeping with a married man who swore he never touched his wife I get a HPV. Was he lying to me? What do I do?
Q. Help. This might sound wrong and sinful of me but I don't know what to do or how to deal. I been having my routine pap smears, blood tests for STDs, and always a HPV test done since the birth of my son, 12 years. All tests have been negative HPV and ...
A. 4 February 2013: I have had multiple PAP smears come back with "cells consistent with HPV" I've had two LEEP procedures over the year to remove these cells.
I've been told my multiple GYNS that MOST women in my age range (I'm in my 50s) have had HPV. over 80%... (read in full...)
I cant talk about serious things with my b/f and its making wonder if I should end things
Q. I have been at university since September and after a few weeks I started dating this guy. He's a very sweet loving person and always is there for me but sometimes when I want a serious chat it's like he just can't handle things. I used to class him ...
A. 4 February 2013: OP said these things:
“but sometimes when I want a serious chat it's like he just can't handle things.”
And:
“I used to class him as my best friend but not anymore I guess.”
And:
“I started to have serious doubts about our relationsh... (read in full...)
I wanted to spend my life with him but alcoholic b/f broke things off. I'm devastated!
Q. Long story shortnened for sake of this posting. I am madly (still) in love with a man who has severe issues. (alcoholism, child custody drama) but who I feel such a special connection with I cant move on. We were friends for a while then start...
A. 4 February 2013: I get your pain OP. my husband is an active alcoholic. He is in the early stages of liver failure and he knows the drinking is causing it and yet he can’t stop. I love him even when it’s so horrible for me. I’m often isolated and alone in dealing ... (read in full...)
Feeling comfortable with anal?
Q. im 16...me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year have the best sex imaginable...but we rarely have it...we look up many positions,lubes, handcuffs,etc...we try it all...he wants to try anal now...im very scared to even attempt to do it ...
A. 4 February 2013: Dear Secret Identity,
You posted asking about getting pregnant at 16. You updated to say that you are an emancipated minor. I’m going to not address the wanting to get pregnant per se or the fact that you want help doing something that you are ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to get together again but I'm not sure if I want the heartache
Q. My ex boyfriend and father of my 4 year old daughter wants to give us another chance but im not sure if its worth the heartache again. We were only 17 and 23 when we got together, we were together 2 years then I had my little girl at just turned 2...
A. 4 February 2013: It sounds like he has really changed.
IF you think you can make it work with him, or you still think you have feelings for him I might consider spending some time together to see if it works out...
IF the only reason you are saying no... (read in full...)
I think that this guy's comments about paying me to have sex with him were completely uncalled for!
Q. Hello I am happily married and middle aged and work with a group of girls in health care, There is one guy who also works with us, he is a flirty joking type. One of the girls at work likes him and hits on him a lot. Yesterday evening he m...
A. 4 February 2013: I think you are over-reacting… it was a joke and a poor one. He’s 45 and a student that alone says that he’s got maturity issues… by 45 folks should be well established in their job….
His bad behavior is not a reflection on you. When you “con... (read in full...)
If I'm pregnant how do I tell my boyfriend its not his?
Q. Hey Cupids, got my self in a little bit of trouble and need some Help and advice. I had a one night stand January 26th early morning January 27th. The guy i had the one night stand was without a condom. We were both having a few social drink...
A. 4 February 2013: You are not far along enough to have symptoms yet. You are building this all up in your head because of your guilt due to your cheating.
When was your period due? IF your period is due around February 10th, then you might have been ovul... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to be more of a man. How do I do this?
Q. Well, me and my bf had been together for 4 years and he's so good to me. We are 23.Problem is, sometimes I feel down when seeing him talking and acting like a girl. When he's talking, he often uses the voice like how a girl laugh. Oh I don't know ...
A. 4 February 2013: The key to being happy with a partner is to accept and love them where they are. You cannot change someone to be something you want… if you can’t accept and love them where they are, then you have to decide if you want to stay where you are not ... (read in full...)
Who should I show loyalty to in this tricky situation? My BF or my ex?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a problem. My ex wants to apologize to me "for everything," and I want my boyfriend to be in the know when my ex and I meet up to talk about it. The problem is that I feel like I'm disappointing my ex if I let my boyfrien...
A. 4 February 2013: your allegiance is to your current boyfriend. therefore you keep NOTHING from him.
I'm not sure why you think you owe more to an EX boyfriend than a current one.
I have 3 EX husbands. I have a current husband. I care about husband #1 and... (read in full...)
Are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another?
Q. Aunts and Uncles... Have any of you (honest answers please) had a physical fight with your current spouse? I just want to know if there are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another. Again, please be honest. Th...
A. 3 February 2013: daddy yelled but there was never violence between my parents.
my first husband and i never were violent together ever
my third husband was violent towards himself but never towards me
of course it's possible.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes plans and then can't keep them claiming that he has forgotten. This happens all the time!
Q. I am 27 and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The problem is he always forgets about plans we make and ends up cancelling on me at the last minute. For example, months ago we were invited out to a meal for my friend's birthday which is ...
A. 2 February 2013: so he can't remember things and he won't use any tools available to help him.
He wants to fail. that means not being in a relationship clearly.... he says "accept me as I am or leave" since his current behavior is not acceptable you can ... (read in full...)
Is the right man worth waiting for?
Q. Dear cupid... I met this wonderful guy in Durban almost a year ago, and we've been chatting alot..and recently he had to go work on this cruise ship. Before he went away he came all the way to Pretoria to see me before he goes away. We had such a...
A. 2 February 2013: Waiting for what?
what has he offered you?
personally I do not think this is the type of relationship that has enough substance to work in the long run.
YOU met him once
he works on a cruise ship which means he's gone more than he's... (read in full...)
My BF and I had a fight a week ago and he hasn't called me since. What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf and myself had a fight, to be precise he fought with me saying that I'm bugging him when I asked him to spend some time with me also along with his friends. He hasn't called me for a week, what should I do now. I am scared tha...
A. 2 February 2013: you had a fight because you want more time together than he does... now he's not calling you.
honey it was not a fight... you are broken up.
move on.... (read in full...)
how can one person think your soul mates and the other not?
Q. hi, ive been with my boyfriend for 7 months. Over the last few months ive been doubting as to whether we are right for eachother or not. We don't have a lot in common an have very different opinions on things. And I dont feel my personality is at ...
A. 2 February 2013: 7 months while not a long time is time enough to know if it's right.
IF you are having doubts at 7 months then it's not a good sign.
my husband and I are together now 2.5 years and married 4 months...the ONLY photos of us together are from ou... (read in full...)
I am interested in a man that bakes alot o f cookies. Is he Gay?
Q. I have a wonderful life. I have everything bit cannot find love. I have been very unlucky in my search for love. M question is , I met a man that works at my gym. I am attracted to him. Everytme , I goto the gym he comes over and talks to me ...
A. 2 February 2013: I'm hoping you did not choose the title of the post as just because a man bakes cookies does not make him gay.
As for your dilemma with this guy.... you are so interested in him...stop playing games and being coy stop dropping hints.
IF you ... (read in full...)
No marriage, no will, no life insurance and thinking of the future. Should I stick around?
Q. Last night I expressed my feelings, to my boyfriend of 5 years, about what would happen to me if he died. He is much older than me and we are not married. I was thinking about this because I had pneumonia and he had the flu and both were really ...
A. 1 February 2013: I think you should leave.
A co-worker of mine had a similar situation with his mother last year.... she had lived with the guy for TWENTY FIVE years.
he died....left her NOTHING... no provisions... she was immediately evicted by his children ... (read in full...)
Is he sticking around for sex or he genuinely likes me?
Q. Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as ...
A. 1 February 2013: You really blew it. two dates in a row you canceled.
not good.
YOU owe him a huge apology.
BEST advice... do not text him... call him and say I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY for behaving like an idiot... can I take you out to dinner one night... (read in full...)
Why is my teacher suddenly ignoring me?
Q. well there's this teacher, we talk quite often. i kinda favours me just as a student, he'll say hi to me in the corridors, even in lessons he's always giving me positive marks,i think he knows im quite shy naturally. He's married and has two kids, ...
A. 1 February 2013: he's probably not ignoring YOU... he may have something on his mind.... or he may pick up a vibe that you CARE about him not ignoring you and misinterpret it as a teen crush.
truth is you are not the center of anyone's universe but your own... ... (read in full...)
My wife wants to get a house, but she won't help pay!
Q. I have questoin my wife want to get a house and ther is only one income i take care of all the bills as it IS. I tell her she need to helppáy for a house but she dont wont to help ...
A. 1 February 2013: ask her how it feels to want.....
seriously... have you told her "we can't afford it?"
what does she say?
I mean seriously.. just because she wants it does not means he gets it.
... (read in full...)
Now that her mom is sick, she only has time for her friends. Should I end things?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for nearly 2 years,she is great and everything but recently her mother has become ill, so she has to look after her. Now i ask to see her but she always says shes busy looking after mum, but she goes to the cinema once ...
A. 1 February 2013: I agree with Person12345 totally.
When my husband and I were dating we were a 2 hour drive apart.
his grandmother (who he considered his mother because she raised him) was very ill... he leaned on me... he needed me there... he called me dai... (read in full...)
I feel uncomfortable still living at home at 27 but its a necessity right now. Any advice?
Q. I am currently 27 and living with my parents. I am doing it while I sort out my finances which are a mess (long story short, I took out a loan with my ex fiancé to help him clear his massive debts but he committed suicide shortly afterwards leaving ...
A. 1 February 2013: I'm so sorry for your loss. I do not consider the man an EX fiance so much as a former... he was your fiance when he committed suicide.... and ex would imply to me that he had you take out the loan, left you and then committed suicide...
it's ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should be patient and understanding or just stop this relationship?
Q. Hello, I have reached a point where I am at a lost and I don't know if I should continue this relationship. Well, I agree that he's having serious money problems as he has borrowed money from the bank as well as from friends that he cannot repay. A...
A. 1 February 2013: he quit a good government job just because he wanted to? with money issues....
He's self-absorbed and selfish.
I would not do anything to further the relationship... when he contacts you I would be very cool and basically just stop ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to his ex gf? I feel that he is hiding stuff from me?
Q. My boyfriend who I'v been dating for a few months now seems to be hiding a lot of things,and I think the only woman who would know him inside out would be his ex girlfriend they dated 6 years,is it ok if I talked to her?I know her since we went to ...
A. 1 February 2013: I also agree you should not approach his ex.
IF you think he is hiding things and don't trust him you have a few options
1. ask HIM what's going on
2. end it with him since you don't trust him
3. suck it up and deal with it on your own.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend drinks and tells me he's sleeping with other people, what should I do?
Q. Hello i have been with my partner now for 2 1/2 years and has been a very terbulant relationship, he drinks heavily and when he aint arounf me he promises he wont drink and when i phone him and he is drunk on the phone or even before he gets to that ...
A. 1 February 2013: MY mother used to say "sorry dont' feed the bulldog"
what she meant was words are cheap and actions are what matter.
he says he's sorry but he does not show it.
IF you do not live with him set your ducks in a row to have your child with ... (read in full...)
Sex and frustration! Does he want me or not!
Q. there is this Guy we hung out a few times. The first time we hung out he would say things like he has never dated a girl of my ethnicity but he would if it was me because I'm cute. He was flirting with me the whole night. and the next day at school ...
A. 1 February 2013: I read this “after that week he called me asking me to hang out and he tried cuddling with me but I was with my friend and she wanted tot alk to me so i told him no. He said he could see us being close like best friends and stuff but after that he ... (read in full...)
We've never talked about what we are
Q. I recently met this really sweet guy. At first we just hung out a couple of times as friends Recently though we have started hooking up, but nothing further than just making out. Its been about a month of constant talking and hanging out, but he ...
A. 1 February 2013: Well i would stop making out with him till you clarify your position with him.
DO NOT be FWB at your age.
IF you are falling hard for him then you need to talk to him about it but be aware that if he does not feel the same way about you by thi... (read in full...)
How can I accept husband's impotence without any medical reason?
Q. My husband puts me thru a lots of sexual wondering. He lost his erection several years ago, in the middle of an intercourse. Than he stopped getting erections all together, and lost his sexual desire 100%. I mean, never asked for sex, no touch, no ...
A. 1 February 2013: It's not you.
when was the last time he had a prostate exam?
when was the last time he had a hormonal work up?
if he could not get an erection but was able to love you with affection and cuddles and emotional intimacy and possibly oral s... (read in full...)
What does it mean if a guy calls you "high maintenance"?
Q. What exactly does it mean by 'high maintenace'.. The guy I'm dating now its been a few weeks and the reason he dint ask me out earlier is because he thought I would be 'high maintenance'..what did that mean:( ?...
A. 1 February 2013: Well I am “high maintenance” if you consider what it costs to keep my hair and my nails done the way I like. My clothes cost more than my husbands as do my shoes and what I call hair toys. COST of my looking feminine and sexy… HIGH… and I ... (read in full...)
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