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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How long do I wait for my husband to make up for a terrible 20th anniversary weekend?
Q. Married 20 years, received only a handful of birthday, anniversary, special occasion gifts. Read all the help columns and told husband exactly what I wanted for anniversary which was a week trip so we could reconnect. I started planning and he said ...
A. 17 January 2013: IF he thought it was fine and you had not told him, then he has a good point.
how about some counseling to work on communication skills?
that's why we go.... (read in full...)
Is there ever a good reason or explanation for cheating?
Q. I learned my lesbian gf was cheating on me by talking with other women. One in particular I caught her talking with twice. After the first time getting caught she promised she was sorry and she wouldn't do anything like that to hurt me again. She ...
A. 14 January 2013: I'm sorry there is never a good reason for cheating.
IF you are that unhappy in a relationship for whatever reasons you have several options.
1. you can leave the relationship and just say it's not working for me....
2. you can ask... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he's over his ex but I don't think so! What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone! I am so sorry for the length!! I have been with my bf for 3 years, we live together for 2 years now. His ex lives in another country with her fiance. My bf and her broke up about 1 year before we met. They still talk...i have no p...
A. 14 January 2013: When you are mad enough and angry enough and hurt enough you will leave him.
He's not done with her.
when my now ex hubby moved out I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I forgave him 2k in debt just to be done with him.
I would ca... (read in full...)
What does it mean if you send a facebook friend request to a guy and he didnt deny or accept the request?
Q. Please advice me: What does it mean if you send a facebook friend request to a guy and he didnt deny or accept the request? When I send this facebook request I also send a message to him asking him if he is on a dating site, and told him if he ...
A. 14 January 2013: he's not interested in you as a date....
move on.... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my housemate's partner who almost lives with us, but won't pull his weight?
Q. Need honest advice.. I've lived with my boyfriend in a small 3 bedroom share house for over 2 years. Just under a year ago, we found a third housemate who was great. I introduced her to one of my male friends and they soon started dating. Sin...
A. 14 January 2013: I see two options.
1. he's using the stuff enough to pay rent (show her the changes in food bills and electrical bills if you have them) and ONE of them has to chip in for that. In addition, one of them has to clean up after him. Either him o... (read in full...)
Will this work? I'm married and I recently accepted the offer of my (separated) boss, to be his Girlfriend/mistress
Q. I recently accepted the offer of my boss, to be his Girlfriend/mistress. He is separated with 3 kids living with his wife and family. I'm married, with an understanding husband and a 3 year old daughter. We hooked up 2 only and 1 to 2 hours only ...
A. 14 January 2013: Why did you accept this offer? What is in it for you?
You say your husband is understanding. Is he understanding enough to that he approves of this little something on the side with the boss?
Personally I have no problem with extra marit... (read in full...)
How can I encourage my husband to work with me to improve our mutal enjoyment during our intimate moments?
Q. Hello, I need help. I have been married for 6 years with 2 kids, and it is safe to say I am the sole caregiver for my kids, my husband pretty much sits and watches. Like a stranger and every now and then would either criticize what am doing or...
A. 14 January 2013: sorry but earning more than you does not give him the right to sit back and do nothing in your home if you both work full time.
My hubby earns way less than me. he has his chores and I have mine... granted mine are more than his but I'm ok with ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend admitted she had a crush on another guy. Is this acceptable?
Q. After questioning her, my girlfriend admitted to having a crush on another guy two years ago, which was still ln our relationship. I kind of expected it but still, it hurts. Is this acceptable?...
A. 14 January 2013: I'm married. I'm 52. I have crushes. Its' not about HAVING the crush, that's normal. It's about what you DO with the crush. IF YOU DO NOTHING... then it's ok in my book, especially if you tell your partner.
If you come home and gush "oh hon... (read in full...)
How do I convince my parents that this guy is the one?
Q. I will be 16 in june, and my boyfriend is 8 months older than me. We both live in Florida and have been together for 2 and 1/2 years. I truely love him, and I'd love for us to get married before we're eighteeen, but that surely won't happen. So we ...
A. 14 January 2013: You can only convince them that he's the one with time.
IF he is the one what's the rush to get married? If he's truly the one... then time won't matter. Look at all the gay couples that waited 25 years or longer to get married this year wh... (read in full...)
How long do I wait for my husband to make up for a terrible 20th anniversary weekend?
Q. Married 20 years, received only a handful of birthday, anniversary, special occasion gifts. Read all the help columns and told husband exactly what I wanted for anniversary which was a week trip so we could reconnect. I started planning and he said ...
A. 14 January 2013: He's not going to make up for your terrible trip. He sees nothing wrong.
I think you have to consider that he can't meet your needs.
you either have to end the marriage and find a new partner that meets your needs or you can do any one of th... (read in full...)
I can't stop masturbating even though as a Christian I know its wrong
Q. I really need help, i am a 15 year old Christian girl and i have a serious masturbation problem, i try to stop because of beliefs in my religion but when the urge is present i just cant stop i find that i like to watch porn while i do it and i know ...
A. 14 January 2013: Honey, If you are only masturbating one time every few days you are perfectly normal.
While Porn is not a good idea (and girl on girl porn does NOT mean you are gay or bi) masturbating will not hurt you, in fact it will relieve tension and stud... (read in full...)
We spent the night together, the next day he got word his dad was sick. He hasn't contacted me first since then!
Q. I am really confused here. I was seeing a great guy he is Canadian and is a student here in the uk. Things were going so well and I knew how much he was into me. We spent the night together I felt so close to him. The next day he got really bad news ...
A. 14 January 2013: if he's out of the country he may not have international texting and calling and he may not be near a computer.
I know when my mom was very ill I was out of touch with everyone.
I would just chalk it up to him being in the right place with... (read in full...)
How do I chose between 2 great guys? Stuck between a rock and a hard place
Q. I dated a guy for 6 mos....we'll call him Bob. Bob and I are both from military backgrounds, stable financially, both have one daughter and 2 grandkids and we're both in our 50's. I am an eternal optimist and a hopeful romantic. I am very ...
A. 14 January 2013: neither man makes you happy.
I suggest you go solo.
you needed a car so you called bob. that's USING him honey.
... (read in full...)
My ex loves me more than his girlfriend. I don't know what to say the feelings are not returned
Q. So basically I went out with this guy two years ago - we'd been friends for a year or so before that. I have to admit that I wasn't CRAZY about him and I'd just got out of a really long relationship so it was half for rebound but needless to say we ...
A. 14 January 2013: You need to go No Contact with him after you tell him that there is no shot in hell you two will be together.
He's holding on with the hope you will be his again. He may only be dating your friend to be close to you.. (which BTW is NOT your fau... (read in full...)
How can I satisfy her needs during sex?
Q. I am the first to admit that I'm not the best in bed, I can never seem to last long at all, with or without a condom. I'm worried that the lack of ability to satisfy my girlfriend's needs may be grating her the wrong way (tho I always make a point ...
A. 14 January 2013: I would so love to be the partner of these men that say that it's a crock that almost all women can orgasm from penile penetration....
I don't even want to think how many of these women are faking it to appease a man who won't stop till they thi... (read in full...)
Why do my online dating experiences never lead to an actual date?
Q. I've been using a dating site for awhile. Where I live there's really nowhere to go to meet men, unless it's a bar, which I'd rather not do, so it's the online dating. Anyway, every time I seem to find someone that seems interested, it only lasts ...
A. 14 January 2013: IF they have not asked to meet you by the third email then they are just wasting time... some are married/committed and do the dating site thing for a thrill.
Some may be socially awkward and do this thing as a way to feel safe.
Are you usi... (read in full...)
How do I convince my LDR ex to try again?
Q. Hello, I was dating someone in a long distance relationship but she called it off months ago. The fact is we really like each other so have kept in touch as friends. I have been very patient and only recently discovered the real reason she wante...
A. 14 January 2013: You are only 150 miles apart, you find it doable (and at 150 miles it’s VERY doable at your age) and yet she says she can’t do it.
With 150 miles between you, have you considered if you want a serious relationship one will have to move (or both will... (read in full...)
He doesn't want me, yet no one else can have me...Why?
Q. Hi everyone. So in a nutshell, I've been in love with my childhood sweetheart and now best friend for 14 years. Over these 14 years we have been drawn to each other like magnets after many failed relationships with others. I have always been v...
A. 14 January 2013: To quote you back to yourself... your just an idiot that should let go.
Here's the take on this... at your age if he WANTED to be serious with you, you would probably be married to him already.
He's taking what you give him and will use it ... (read in full...)
He cheated and I continuously gave him grief. How do I let him know that I am sorry?
Q. Hi guys Little advice please. 7 months ago i found out my parnter had been cheating on me at the beginning of the year. i knew he was up to no good and my suspicions were confirmed when she contacted me months down the line telling me she h...
A. 14 January 2013: You do realize you will NEVER trust him again right?
he not only cheated.. he cheated LONG TERM WITH ONE PERSON.
every time he gets a text or his phone rings don't you wonder who it is? don't you think he's lying?
what if he s... (read in full...)
I promised my friend that we would have sex tomorrow but I didn't mean it!
Q. I have a neighbor who wants to have sex with me. Im not attracted to him, i just think he's a good friend. Today he came over for dinner and refused to go home after that saying we should have sex first. I lied that we will do it tomorrow so he has ...
A. 14 January 2013: He’s NOT a good friend dear. HE badgers you for sex and makes you feel so uncomfortable that you have to lie to him.
THIS IS NOT HOW WE DEFINE FRIENDS.
I think you should call him or text him and tell him you no longer wish to have contact wit... (read in full...)
GF went on holiday without me and packed her sexy lingerie. What does this mean?
Q. My girlfriend went on holiday without me, she says for a break from everything, but she took her sexy lingerie with her. When asked why, she replied that she did not even notice, just grabbed a handful of undies and packed them. What does this...
A. 14 January 2013: She went with whom?
I would NEVER go on vacation alone.
I would go with my spouse or with my girlfriends.
with my GFs would be planned far in advance.
NO sexy nighties would be taken... more than likely it would be tee shirts and ... (read in full...)
Should I make the first move on him? ...Again?
Q. Ok, well I'm a nearly sixteen female and the guy I like is a year and a half older than me. I began to like him about five or six months ago, and now I basically love him. Thing is, he won't talk to me even though we kissed a few weeks back und...
A. 14 January 2013: he knows your interested. you kissed him.
if he was interested he'd be talking to you now...
he's not.
let it go
and stop kissing boys due to peer pressure.... (read in full...)
I love my friend and want to stay friends with him despite him having a girlfriend. Why won't he open up to me?
Q. im friends with a guy and last summer we grew close as in a few kisses nothing else. hes been with his girlfriend 5 years. he says shes domineering and threatens suicide. i fell deeply in love with him but he said due to what was going on he couldnt ...
A. 14 January 2013: What’s going on is you want more than friendship. YOU kissed a taken man. YOU watch him on facebook. YOU look for reasons to disbelieve he’s happy. He gives you lines about it.
IF he was that unhappy he would leave her. Trust me. NO ONE s... (read in full...)
I can't get over this mystery breakup.
Q. Hey guys, well, I'm trying to find the best advice on how to move on with my life or keep fighting for my true love. My ex girlfriend and I went out for 6 months and we were a decent couple, we never had big problems or any huge fights while we...
A. 14 January 2013: How you feel for her does not matter to her honey.
You need to accept that she's not as into you as you are into her...
and you need to move on...
and I agree with Code Warrior... she was not happy with her decision because while she d... (read in full...)
I'm reacting very badly to this breakup. I'm depressed and anxious, can't eat or sleep. How can I get back to functioning normally?
Q. I'll keep it very short. Advice needed please to overcome this break up which has caused me depression. I am 34, my Boyfriend who is 29 decided after 2 years together (a year of which living together) he just doesn't love me anymore and in a...
A. 14 January 2013: I'm so sorry. You will feel human again... it takes time
go back to work, wear dark glasses if you must... no makeup yet as you still cry all the time.
I'm glad you had a place to go with mom and dad.
This will pass.
you can... (read in full...)
I don't believe I can satisfy my girlfriend physically. Should I leave her?
Q. Appreciate any answers. I believe I can't physically satisfy my girlfriend and as a consequence believe I should leave her. I want to leave her if as I don't want a gf I can't please and I worry that this may be a reason for her leaving me so t...
A. 14 January 2013: YOU believe you can’t satisfy her. DOES SHE BELIEVE THIS?
WHY do you believe you can’t satisfy her? Does she say “I need more?” Does she ask for oral sex that you won’t provide? Do you believe that if you last long enough and pound hard... (read in full...)
Why did my ex contact me just to tell me how happy he is?
Q. Hi, I was with my ex for about 7 years, since we were young teens. He treated me very badly throughout the relationship but only subtly - he wasn't openly nasty but refused to spend time with me and even when we lived together he used to spend ti...
A. 14 January 2013: It does NOT matter WHY he is doing it. To be honest so many times we worry about WHY someone is doing something regardless of what we are going to do with this information.
IF he was doing it because he wanted you back would you go back to h... (read in full...)
Anyone been in a relationship with a Bf in Turkey? I'd like to help him get a Visa to visit me here. How could I help?
Q. So me and my turkish boyfriend have been going out for just over 5 months now. I met him back in august when i was there on holiday and spent a month with him, I then went back in December to see him again for just over a week and I met his pare...
A. 14 January 2013: Honey the best way to tell if he is serious about this with you is LET HIM DO THE WORK needed to be with you.
YOU doing the work makes it easy for him.... don't do the work.
don't even worry about it. LET HIM figure it out.
You will fin... (read in full...)
Am I too traditional? If a guy was attached, is it ok for him to go out one on one with a female friend?
Q. Hello all, I was wondering if a guy was attached, is it ok for him to go out one on one with a female friend? Personally I wouldn't go out with an attached guy one on one even if we're just friends because I find it weird, and maybe a little disr...
A. 14 January 2013: I'm married. I have lunch fairly regularly with a male friend who is also married. we go alone at lunch time from work...
I would never go out with him at night without our spouses however...
also his wife knows me, my husband knows hi... (read in full...)
Are my expectations too high? What do I need to bring a great connection or real passion into our relationship?
Q. Recently I have been thinking that there might be a better guy out there for me than my current boyfriend but I don't know if my expectations are too high? We get on well most of the time and I do feel that I love him, but I don't feel like the...
A. 14 January 2013: if you do not feel that you are the most important person in his life and that he would not defend and protect you, then maybe you do need to end it.
My husband is a jerk but I know he's got my back. Personally for me, I'm fairly independent ... (read in full...)
Do I still have a chance at getting this girl?
Q. There is this girl I've had my eye on at school lately. I don't know her on a personal level at all because we've never spoken to each other. However I have another female friend that does know her. I had my friend ask the girl what she thought ...
A. 13 January 2013: Your first mistake was giving her a "preview shot"
My husband is not all that cute when you get right down to it... but because I met his personality first (from a distance watching him manage a room full of 200 people) I didn't see the crooked ... (read in full...)
Was this 'picking someone up at a bar', or not?
Q. So I just want to know if this is considered picking up a guy from a bar? There is a guy I have met but don't know too well. He is a friend of a friend. I have met him before, sat on the same table and had dinner. On my friend's birthday I hook...
A. 13 January 2013: You can't pick someone up in a bar if you already know them... ... (read in full...)
Met a great guy but he's 20 years older and a "happy single". What should I do?
Q. Hi. I met this man online. I knew he was older than me (51yrs old, I'm 31) but and we became friends, we met up yesterday the first time and we went for a meal and I had a great time, and something else happened I realised I liked him more than ...
A. 13 January 2013: you continue to spend time with him and make sure he knows that the age is not an issue for you.
but you have to consider these things:
what do you want from the relationship.
if you want children I am betting he does not.... are you will... (read in full...)
Should I talk to her in the mornings or look like a loner?
Q. Hello Ok basically every morning before school I wait for my bf (C) and his older bro (S) who is in 6th form to be dropped off and his bro's gf (K) who is in the year above but is the same age as me waits for them as well. The thing is we wait i...
A. 13 January 2013: you walk past her? how about you walk up to her and say "good morning, what's up?" and stop and wait for her answer.
You have her on a pedestal and there is no need...... (read in full...)
Truly, should I forgive her? She claims she still loves me despite all her actions?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my fiancee for 5 yrs. She moved into my apartment 2 years ago. l love her deeply and she means the world to me but am beginning to wonder if my love is not being reciprocated. August 2011,she asked some boy out on ...
A. 13 January 2013: she doesn't really love you... she may think she does... she may love YOU to the best of her ability but she's not able enough to have a truly adult mature relationship.
for some people (my ex husband for example) ONE person's love and adoratio... (read in full...)
Who? My controlling Bf? Or this sweet man who's my tutor, but he also has a Gf?
Q. I've had a problem concerning two guys for the past two and a half years. One of them is controlling, hates my friends, and puts me down a heck of a lot. We used to be great but things have just gone downhill since I started having a (in my ...
A. 13 January 2013: Do not leave your partner to pursue a taken man.
YOU leave your partner because he's no longer a good partner.
FIX your (small) drinking problem NOW. I live with and I am married to an active alcoholic. WISE people will avoid a person ... (read in full...)
Should people accept me as I am? Or should I change my ways and start letting people in?
Q. I'm a very private person and rarely tell people the things that go on in my life. I've been called cold and even fake. I don't feel comfortable talking to people, but I also don't want them to think i am a cold person. Should i change my wa...
A. 13 January 2013: Always be true to yourself... do not change yourself to make others happy... only to make yourself happy.
My BFF (for nearly 25 years) is 180 degrees opposite from me. I'm open and warm and friendly and I will talk to anyone about anything... ... (read in full...)
Can I continue as his wife? How could he preach to me about principles? When in reality he was continuing with his best friend's ex partner?
Q. Am 34.I have been married for a year and half. My husband cheated on me three months ago with his best friend's ex. I WAS REALLY HURT. But believing he was really sorry, I decided to forgive him and we moved on. This was the THIRD time he wa...
A. 13 January 2013: if you are not ready to leave then you have no choice but to accept that he is a liar and a cheater.
I would not give him another chance... three times already you caught him.... he's not going to change.
It's not normal to lie and cheat a w... (read in full...)
My Bf has gone on a vacation to Hawaii without me! When he returns should I make demands and set out my expectations?
Q. Hi Dear Cupiders, I really wanted to get some unbiased input from you all. I'll really try to make a long story short. There is a lot of history between my bf and I. We were together for 1.5 years, broke up because he cheated and left me for anot...
A. 12 January 2013: Hawaii alone? At the last minute? OH HELL NO, I would not believe he's alone for a minute.
And he offered you a chance to come KNOWING you could not make it to make himself look honest.
I bet when he's there you can't get a hold of him on h... (read in full...)
Despite our disagreement, our relationship is not over. But should I have tried to sort it out? Instead of walking away at the time?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 years and I have just had a huge fight and I don't know if I overreacted a bit. Basically, we ended up talking about the law and it became clear we have totally different opinions about it (in a nutshell, I do as I am told and he ...
A. 12 January 2013: I see a huge red flag with a man who says "i will break any law I don't agree with"
not wearing seat belts breaks the law, that's one thing. as basically that harms only the law breaker (although injuries incurred by not wearing a seat belt may... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 12 January 2013: do you think OP that she was more open with you in the beginning because you were not so over the top "insane" about this whole penile size thing?
do you want to know the BEST lover I ever had? My ex husband. (and I left him) do you want ... (read in full...)
Is a brazilian wax worth the pain?
Q. So i'm really nervous now, I've booked myself in for a full Brazilian wax in a few days. But my friends have made me really nervous saying the pain is terrible!! I have a bad pain threshold, but I think of it as deal with the pain for something that ...
A. 12 January 2013: OK I'm going to overshare..
I had "both ends" done today. the only part that made me cry was my eyebrows... ... (read in full...)
Is a brazilian wax worth the pain?
Q. So i'm really nervous now, I've booked myself in for a full Brazilian wax in a few days. But my friends have made me really nervous saying the pain is terrible!! I have a bad pain threshold, but I think of it as deal with the pain for something that ...
A. 11 January 2013: I'm getting one this afternoon! It's so worth it to me.
I find getting armpits waxed the worst. I think eyebrows hurt more than Brazilian...
take ibuprofen about 90 minutes before the waxing
be well hydrated
be well moisturi... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 8 January 2013: OP you do need some help. You keep saying your wife is lying…. But she’s not. The issue is YOUR own misconceptions.
Why are you so concerned about the size of your penis? Do you really think that’s the part of your body your wife thinks a... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 3 January 2013: you do realize that AVERAGE is just the middle half are bigger half are smaller... no one is actually truly AVERAGE
and to be honest 5.5 is PERFECT for me... my current husband is the least endowed of any man I've ever been with and I'd rather h... (read in full...)
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