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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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1st date--he chewed gum with his mouth open and has small hands. Should I move on?
Q. I went on a first date with a man last night, he seemed alright, ok looking, we got on well, he sent me a nice message saying how nice I was after. But he chewed gym with his mouth open, not nice. And I noticed he had small hands - could this mea...
A. 6 February 2013: anon e mouse,
do you really think giving someone a second date is settling?
sometimes we make mistakes and first impressions are important but also a bit of leeway is critical and if someone is in their 30s and still seeking a partner th... (read in full...)
I feel lost without my boyfriend and just want to contact him!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, over the phone. It was a somewhat mutual breakup once I found out who he was. Our morals and lifestyles are far too different to make a serious relationship work (he is a serious partier, smoker and ...
A. 30 January 2013: He does not acknowledge you because you have no relationship with you.
He's an ex boyfriend. he does not need to nor should he acknowledge your existence.... he's over and done.
he is not the reason you exist. He's the reason you are h... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy who's shorter and younger than me?
Q. Dear Cupid! I'm a 17-years old girl and there's this 15-years old boy, we kind of like each other. But wouldn't it be weird to date him? People would talk about us. Also he is a few cm shorter than me, I think, and to be honest, looks more like my ...
A. 30 January 2013: If you like this young man and he likes you why not spend time together. People will always find something to talk about... as for height... well that's not a big deal either.
For what it's worth as you get older that gap of two years wi... (read in full...)
1st date--he chewed gum with his mouth open and has small hands. Should I move on?
Q. I went on a first date with a man last night, he seemed alright, ok looking, we got on well, he sent me a nice message saying how nice I was after. But he chewed gym with his mouth open, not nice. And I noticed he had small hands - could this mea...
A. 29 January 2013: I showed this to my hubby and he said "she's being too picky"
small hands mean jack in my book.. the easier to hold them if you dare.
in addition, who cares about penis size.. give me a man with a talented tongue any day of the week.
che... (read in full...)
I've been offered treatment for my bi polar disorder...Will it help me and should I sign up for it and postone my career.?
Q. Hi everyone, this question is for anyone who has experience of BPD, and the best available treatments. Please only answer if you have specific experience in this field. Basically, I have recently been offered a place on a three day a week trea...
A. 29 January 2013: I can't see how 2 years will be better than shorter term...
for me day programs are about getting your act together if you are in crisis and finding the right therapist and a good medication/therapy behavior mod mix that will work long term for... (read in full...)
I feel lost without my boyfriend and just want to contact him!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, over the phone. It was a somewhat mutual breakup once I found out who he was. Our morals and lifestyles are far too different to make a serious relationship work (he is a serious partier, smoker and ...
A. 29 January 2013: it's only been a month... keep doing what you are doing and you will meet someone better suited to you.
You say you don't have closure... but what would you like as closure?
what do you want to do? rehash why it won't work? berate him for n... (read in full...)
I do have herpes, but not more than that. But was he being flippant, or weird with his response, "that he'd still like me even if I did have AIDS"?
Q. So I went to high school with this guy a few years ago. I lived in a small town so we all knew each other. I have started "talking" to him and we have grown so close, we have not had sex. Well, this may be TMI but, I have herpes. And I was too sc...
A. 29 January 2013: he's out on the boat... are you the one who asked if a man at 21 can be ready to settle down???
SLOW DOWN... you currently have an LDR with this guy and LDRs are not the same as being together full time.... until you can see if this will wor... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting? Should he have left me alone? Was I right to refuse to go to a place where I'd be the only woman?
Q. So here's my story. I'm visiting my fiance where he stays due to work. Yesterday he wanted us to go watch soccer at his friend's place (actually home boy), I refused to go because I don't know his friend's friends and I was going to be the ...
A. 29 January 2013: He wanted you to go... but you would be the only woman so you refused which makes sense.
he went anyway as that was his plan. did you say... "can you cancel your plans with your friends and spend time with me instead as we get so little time tog... (read in full...)
Is 22 too young for a man to really settle down? Do we know each other well enough to make this decision?
Q. I am 21, I went to school with this guy, that we will call GUY. So..we have texted and talked via facebook/text for a while, off and on, but for these last few weeks we have talked heavily. All day everyday. We can't hang out at this moment ...
A. 29 January 2013: of course he can.
My dad married my mom when he was 21. they would still be married had she not died 17 years ago.
my first husband and I married when I was 21 and he was 23...
as our life expectancy increases, the need to settle do... (read in full...)
Should I remain a friend to my ex, or should I leave him alone?
Q. Should I remain a friend to my ex, or should I leave him alone? BACKGROUND: My ex-boyfriend and I dated for three years in university then broke up. Before we split up we never fought. We are both down-to-earth and had only dated one...
A. 29 January 2013: I see no need for ex partners to be friends. if you are close enough to be friends then be a couple.
I think many times we stay friends with an ex to soften the "failure' of the relationship...
unless you have kids together in which c... (read in full...)
Married four years and she does not want to work. I'm ready to walk. What would you advise?
Q. Hi I have a question we been Married four years. Before that she was working. Now she feels she doesn't have to work. I talk to her about getting a job. She won’t do it, and I'm tired of doing it all. He is no help. Instead she wants me to do a lot...
A. 29 January 2013: Well I would need more info before I can advise you…
Do you make enough to support the home properly? Is she doing the bulk of the home care? Are there children at home?
Was she working when you got married? Did she get laid off or fired? D... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 29 January 2013: You say you are sure he loves you… how in the world can you be sure he loves you? His behavior tells me otherwise. I think you are blinded by what you want.
You have only been together 7 months. That’s not very long at all
If he’s very pe... (read in full...)
Is my Bf bi-sexual or gay? He says he's shared oral sex with guys. Do I seem to have a closed mind?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 months recently told me that has fooled around with men before. He hasn't had sex with them, just oral. I wasn't ok with this when he told me and I am having a really hard time with it. A lot of people tell me that if a guys e...
A. 29 January 2013: if he fooled around before he was experimenting. does not make him gay or bi... there is a thing called "bi-curious" and folks 'try it out"
the fact that he was open and honest with you is great
if he still wants to have sexual contact w... (read in full...)
Her need to pee is really getting in the way of our sex life
Q. my girlfriend stops me in the middle of sex frequently and says she is afraid she needs to pee. i hate to say it, but it's beginning to ruin the mood, as it's hard to get into it when she's stopping all the time. now don't get me wrong, i underta...
A. 29 January 2013: have her empty her bladder just before you start having sex.
then put a nice thick towel under her and tell her... not to worry and to let go....
... (read in full...)
Your thoughts on this? He's verbally abusive, spends time online gaming and watching porn. Have to ask him for his % share of bills. Is this relationship working or is there an answer?
Q. hey guys i am writing this because i am at the end of tether with this man who is supposed to be my husband. We have been married for 4 years and it was long distance. I moved to the US about a year ago and since coming here my relations...
A. 29 January 2013: Is being married part of the reason you are allowed in the USA? if so then I fear you have a problem as divorce would render you having to go back to your country of origin.
IF you can divorce and stay here.... well then make it so.
Congr... (read in full...)
Trying to make my marriage blossom, but I can't last 5 minutes without thinking about my lover
Q. Married for 23yrs I met the love of my life who has been married 24yrs. We had an undeniable connection, and made love 24hrs after meeting. His first time and my first, since our weddings. We live in different states. I returned home and ...
A. 29 January 2013: if you want to be with your lover and you have been 6 weeks without contact, your kids are grown, they will survive.
I think you should divorce and go.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend watches an inordinate amount of porn.
Q. I feel like this is a question that's been asked over and over again, and will probably be asked again many times in the future. My boyfriend watches an inordinate amount of porn. He's 22. While the fact that he's watching porn seriously bugs me,...
A. 29 January 2013: The only issue I see here is that he’s lying and that it’s impacting on his life (being late to pick you up due to porn is not acceptable in my opinion)
The use of porn is not the issue for me. The use of porn so that it impacts on your life is t... (read in full...)
I've been married 18 years and have attracted a new butterfly. What do I do about my wife and son?
Q. hi,i'm 48 yr old man, been married 18 yrs, one child, 3 months ago i meant a woman, 45 yrs old, it started out with a casual flirt which later ended up with lunch dates everyday for a month, during our lunch encounters we learned we basically are ...
A. 29 January 2013: go to your wife tell her you've found a lover and you want to know if she wants you to leave now or just move into the guest room and carry on pretending all is well.
YOU ARE CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE. you know that right?
so it's already said and... (read in full...)
My husband won't help with the housework and verbally abuses me
Q. my husband and i have been together for 12 years although we have only been married 1 year i raised his daughter and now i am rasing his three grandchildren whom i love dearly problem being he dont help me with housework he thinks he dont do ...
A. 29 January 2013: He's an addict. Even if the meds are prescribed by the doctor if he's addicted he's an addict.
sadly these are his grandchildren not yours but if he's abusive you need to get them out of there or they will be raised to think abuse is acceptab... (read in full...)
I don't think he loves me because his actions don't show that he does
Q. Hello, My BF is currently very upset as he's facing many problems. I try to stand by his side as much as I can. When we met, he was constanlty chatting with me. Well, we live in different countries. Yea I know these kind of relationship has very lit...
A. 29 January 2013: you are right he is not as into you as you are into him.
His actions show it.
STOP rowing the relationship boat and let him do the work. You will find he fades off into the past.
what happened was he was in love with the idea of you and... (read in full...)
Are you unable to express yourself around your spouse?
Q. I moved to a rural town from a large city to be with my fiance. Sorry, this is sort of a long read. Whenever I talk about my past--this is general talk or reflection between two people as couples do and I am showing a couple of examples here, b...
A. 29 January 2013: I've read your vent... what exactly is your question?
My husband also does this... he whines and complains about living in our state now... he moved from where he had lived most of his life to be with me in my (now our) home and my state and... (read in full...)
My 19 year old daughter wants to marry a 51 year old man. He's 3 years older than her father!
Q. My 19-year-old daughter told me she's dating a 51-year-old man, and wants to marry him and have his children, and he agrees.... She told us he wanted to meet us, and we did, 2 months after they first started dating. [it had been secret until no...
A. 29 January 2013: I watched a show yesterday on National Geograph8ic channel called Taboo. One of the pieces was about a couple where he is 32 years younger than his wife of 11 years. The wife is TEN YEARS OLDER than his parents... and they were not happy but they ... (read in full...)
Why is he telling loads of girls (me included) that he likes them and wants to kiss them?
Q. I don't have an issue, I'm just curious to know what's going on. So there's this guy at my school, I'm my class infact that claims to like me. So we were chatting and he said he has liked me for a long time and wants to kiss me (and he asked me...
A. 29 January 2013: Just ignore him. IF you ask him it feeds into it.
IF he amuses you, let it be.
It's not weird... he wants to kiss someone... he doesn't care who.
... (read in full...)
I want a man who doesn't cheat or look at pornography. Does he exist?
Q. I want a man like this does this even exist? Basically i'm after a man who does not engage in any kind of cheating at all (glances at swimsuit pics mildly acceptable.) but no porn, no talking dirty to others, little female friends, no strip clubs. ...
A. 27 January 2013: That was my first husband.
My current husband is all of the above except for the porn.
Yep men like that do exist. I think with the advent of technology (smart phones and computers) that finding guys who do not engage in some porn use ... (read in full...)
My wife's continous chatting with x husband is killing me
Q. My wife of one year ( my second and her third marriage ) continues to communcicate with her x husband whom she left. He has not moved on and still loves her and seems to me to be controlling with narisistic behavior via email,skype etc. She responds ...
A. 27 January 2013: Was she communicating with him like this while you were dating her? If not, what has changed?
You do need to talk to her but I see that he's STILL PAYING A MORTGAGE PAYMENT for her. she is still very deeply entrenched with him. Why d... (read in full...)
Porn haters, what would you do in this dilemma?
Q. Hi I am female who hates porn in a relationship first off but I have a dilemma.... Porn haters what would you do in my situation... Go back to the guy who was viewing artistic porn with the sound off and didn't give it up until I ask for a ult...
A. 27 January 2013: IF you don't like porn, you need to be with a man that doesn't use porn.
I don't find it disrespectful therefore I don't care that my hubby uses it. IN fact, he came to bed one night last week after viewing and woke me up for fun and games...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is another woman's 'back up guy' in case they're not married by 40! How would you feel about this?
Q. Dear All, How would you act if your boyfriend told you he was another girls back up guy and if there both still 40 they would get married as his rich and reliable? I feel this is disrespectful and it"s upset me but he can't see why? Opinions p...
A. 27 January 2013: I've seen it said in movies... I personally would not take it seriously and I think the fact that he told you indicates poor judgement on his part.
But maybe he's like me. IF i had such a pact with someone they would be a good friend of mine and... (read in full...)
Was my boyfriend's gesture and behaviour strange in this situation?
Q. Recently my boyfriend (who makes an excellent living) brought me a bouquet of flowers. They were the grocery store variety and the price tag that he left on the cellophane said $7. He came to my front door with said flowers still in the plastic ...
A. 27 January 2013: I agree with Honeypie... where they came from does not matter... WHAT he said was what ruined it.... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have to pay board to their parents?
Q. Hi, just a quick question! I am 20 years old, and have just moved back home. My parents have asked me to contribute $100 a week, for rent/bills/food. I work full-time, making about $600 (aus) a week. I also have my phone bill to pay, as well as ...
A. 27 January 2013: If you are working full time I think you should be paying rent.
I also know if I had a child living at home working full time paying rent I would take that rent and put it away for them so when they did move out I could give them a lovely nest egg... (read in full...)
Should I trust my BF even after he lied to me about contacting another girl?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about three months. We just became officially boyfriend and girlfriend about three weeks ago. Last week I was at his house when he ran to drop something off I got on his computer and did some snooping. Well there is ...
A. 26 January 2013: You did not trust him in the first place and you snooped without any true reason to. Other than you didn't trust him.
then you got proof that he lied.
now you want to know now to trust him again?
you mean how to learn to trust him i... (read in full...)
First boyfriend. But it's not working. What's the best way to break up with a boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 16, I've had a boyfriend for 3 months but I just feel like its not right anymore. How do I break up with him? Do I need to lead up to it- be offhand/busy if he wants to see me, not reply to texts properly etc so he knows...
A. 26 January 2013: Never just cut and run. IF you start being busy and blowing him off, he'll be posting here 'My girlfriend of 3 months has changed..." and we will all call you a coward.
The best thing to do is be honest. AND DO IT IN PERSON, but NOT in publi... (read in full...)
Now my girlfriend wants to breakup, all because I looked at a girl's cleavage. Is she being unreasonable?
Q. My girlfriend wants to break up with me because I glanced at a girl's cleavage. There was nothing sexual about it and I wasn't looking for anything. I don't know how to convince her that this isn't a big deal. Advice?...
A. 26 January 2013: well based on your age and her reaction and yours I am thinking you are all too young to be having boyfriend girlfriend serious relationships.
I look at women's butts and boobs all the time my hubby is not leaving me..
IF all you did was glan... (read in full...)
Why does my BF keep going on dating sites if he loves me?
Q. My boyfriend swears down that he loves me. For the past year or so we keep on arguing because he wants to keep talking to girls on dating sites. I dont think he is going there with the aim of meeting any of them. My question is this. He is very ...
A. 26 January 2013: I'm sorry but he's just giving you the words you need to hear to stay with him.
He may "love you" but not enough to "forsake all others"
either he can't cope with the attention and love of just one woman and he needs the ego stroke of many l... (read in full...)
What does friends with benefits mean to you?
Q. I have a question for you lovely people.. Me and my ex stopped talking for a long time all of a sudden he missed me ( so he says) he asked me did I wanna be friends with benefits and told me I can't sleep with nobody but him... What is friends with ...
A. 26 January 2013: my take on fuck buddies... (what we called it before the more socially acceptable term FWB) is this....
if both parties are open and honest
if both parties accept that it's two friends having sex but that they are not IN LOVE or IN A RELATION... (read in full...)
Why do men never seem to notice when a woman is being too friendly?
Q. Why do men never seem to notice when a woman is maybe being to friendly? I hate how when I say something in that moment , that I may be viewed as crazy or jealous. I know I walked in the house today and a girl I never met had her hand on my ...
A. 26 January 2013: I have come to the conclusion that men are mostly clueless about women coming on to them if they are the least little bit subtle.
If you trust your guy, then don't worry about it... if she gets too over the top and he notices he will put her in h... (read in full...)
Would be cute to frame her written acceptance note, and give it to her as a valentine's gift?
Q. so i have a basic question about whether or not a valentine's idea is cute or not. my gf and i have only been together officially for a few weeks now (been dating a couple months, but just made it official), and when i asked her to be with me, i wr...
A. 26 January 2013: a few years from now.. yeah it would be cute.. now... too soon...
... (read in full...)
I positively enjoy performing oral sex on my husband. Do other women experience the same thing?
Q. I enjoy and look forward to performing oral sex on my husband. He is shocked by this fact. I tried to explain that it is no different than a sexual position that turns him on or a fantasy he has about me. I want my husband to ask for it. He feels ...
A. 26 January 2013: I love giving my hubby a blow job. He's on the smaller side of average so it's easy...
and no he does not give me oral in return or to get it.
IN fact, I offer a bj and he wants sex instead.... so I give him that... but a bj is easy and fun ... (read in full...)
I want my ex back, he wants to be friends
Q. My boyfriend dumped me last night and it was only the day before he was lookin at houses with me and saying he thought we were heading for a full relationship . A little bit of history behind us is that we met last year and I was ready with my ex of ...
A. 26 January 2013: You left one guy for him, then you went back to the old guy.
now you want him back... and he doesn't want to be your toy.
understandable.
I think that you won't like this advice:
you need to let Both the old ex and the new ex go.
... (read in full...)
When we're together I'm fine, when we're apart I'm insecure
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for a couple of months now and I've continually run into somewhat of an issue, and I can't tell if it's just me or not. When we are together in person, everything is AMAZING. I can tell how much she cares and it's w...
A. 26 January 2013: Have you talked to her about this?
Have you told her you need a bit more contact?
Maybe a compromise is in order...
I know for me, When my now hubby and I were dating LDR (2 hours apart) I wanted way more contact than he did.
When ... (read in full...)
I think my husband has an std, is it safe to have sex using a condom?
Q. hello everybody i have a problem with my husband i think he has some std but refuses to go to doctor, is it safe to have sexual intercourse with him using condoms. and can i take his precum sample or sperm sample to test it in lab. if he not wil...
A. 26 January 2013: If you think he has an STD why put yourself at risk?
If he can't stand an erection due to pain he needs to see a doctor.
IF he got an STD and is cheating on you (he's sleeping with others without your prior permission) why would you trust ... (read in full...)
Is it ever good to meet up and talk with a guy who you were dating but it ended abruptly with?
Q. do you think it's ever good to meet up and talk with a guy who you were dating but it ended abruptly with? I was dating this guy for half a year just over and all of a sudden his ended things without a word, I know a lot of guys who do this because ...
A. 26 January 2013: Well I can see meeting him in a public place and hearing him out... but be prepared for a LINE about how it's him not you and he's sorry and can we be friends yada yada yada.
Make it clear that you will meet him once and hear him give you his... (read in full...)
I feel completely heartbroken, I'd accepted that we had broken up but to be lied to repeatedly just for sex?
Q. This all happened within the space of three weeks. So, basically I was in a relationship with this guy for just over two years, we both loved each other but obviously argued occasionally, as people do. One day, he calls me to have a chat, everythi...
A. 26 January 2013: Best advice... do not believe him any more. Do not beat yourself up for wanting to believe him in the first place. Our minds do interesting things for us when we are not ready to accept the truth.
His bad behavior is NOT a reflection o... (read in full...)
Is looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend, a bit odd and uncalled for?
Q. Would anyone else agree with this? Looking at porn the morning after you've slept with your girlfriend is a bit odd and uncalled for? Why would they want to look at someone else that soon?...
A. 26 January 2013: IF it's your partner and it bothers you then it's uncalled for. Did you tell him? Did you ask him why he feels the need to do this.
Why would he do it? I am not him so I have no clue
maybe it's a specific star and he's hot for her (my ... (read in full...)
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