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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What does it mean if a guy calls you "high maintenance"?
Q. What exactly does it mean by 'high maintenace'.. The guy I'm dating now its been a few weeks and the reason he dint ask me out earlier is because he thought I would be 'high maintenance'..what did that mean:( ?...
A. 4 February 2013: The female anonymous post about her partner not getting her a bottle of wine is perfect explanation.
One man did not find her high maintenance and yet another did.
Personally for me reading her post, I see her as high maintenance too. ... (read in full...)
How can I accept husband's impotence without any medical reason?
Q. My husband puts me thru a lots of sexual wondering. He lost his erection several years ago, in the middle of an intercourse. Than he stopped getting erections all together, and lost his sexual desire 100%. I mean, never asked for sex, no touch, no ...
A. 1 February 2013: It's not you.
when was the last time he had a prostate exam?
when was the last time he had a hormonal work up?
if he could not get an erection but was able to love you with affection and cuddles and emotional intimacy and possibly oral s... (read in full...)
How can I help my husband have better communication skills?
Q. I post this question if anione know of any service s that help with communication skills. My husband is a very nice man, and most of the time we get alone. The way he communicates with people around him and his customers needs improvement. He is a ...
A. 1 February 2013: In your husband's defense, IF i went to someone for a skill I did not have, I want to know the minute details. HOW they are doing it, why they do it one way vs another... the more info I have the better. My husband feels the same way... don't tell ... (read in full...)
What does it mean if a guy calls you "high maintenance"?
Q. What exactly does it mean by 'high maintenace'.. The guy I'm dating now its been a few weeks and the reason he dint ask me out earlier is because he thought I would be 'high maintenance'..what did that mean:( ?...
A. 1 February 2013: Well I am “high maintenance” if you consider what it costs to keep my hair and my nails done the way I like. My clothes cost more than my husbands as do my shoes and what I call hair toys. COST of my looking feminine and sexy… HIGH… and I ... (read in full...)
I feel as if I go out of my way for everyone and no-one can be bothered when it comes to me.
Q. Its' my birthday today. A milestone. A special one. I've had a tear in my eye most of the day – not because I have reached 40 but because I feel so let down and now I'm feeling that maybe I'm being unreasonable, selfish and ungrateful. Situat...
A. 1 February 2013: The first thing that stuck out to me from your post was the fact that you listed how much everyone is spending or the costs of what you wanted. Clearly to me this indicates that you place a value on your worth and friendship and that ‘it’s the ... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from him in a few weeks. Does that mean he wasn't interested?
Q. I met someone a few months ago. He is a lot older than me (15 years) and when I met him he was just finishing a relationship and we had a few dates. We spent the night together a few weeks ago but he wasn't sure about it because of just coming out ...
A. 1 February 2013: I am sure he enjoyed your night together... he's just not interested in a relationship now....
since you agreed to leave things till he knows what he wants... he'll contact you if he wants....
... (read in full...)
My husband says he doesn't watch porn or masturbate ever. Is this possible?
Q. All I ever read on this site is how men use porn. If a guy says he isn't using porn then he is lying. I read a post just the other day for a woman who wanted a man who didn't cheat, watch porn, look at other women, etc. It got tons of replies all ...
A. 1 February 2013: To the anonymous reader who I would reply to off the board if they were not anonymous...
I did not say he watches porn to get a hard-on FOR ME.
It just so happens that when he watches porn and I'm available he will use what he's acquired wi... (read in full...)
Is there a way to tactfully let him know that I neither fancy or hate him?
Q. Just a quick one my friend at work (male) believes that my other friend(female) filed a complaint against him. Today I was told that I should be wary about my male friend (he is very flirty) I want to keep my distance so he doesn't get the ...
A. 31 January 2013: iAmHereToHelpYou is correct... say nothing to address this unless he brings it up where you can say... "look we are work buddies nothing more nothing less"
if he flirts with you inappropriately you can give him "the look" gently and say "bob I d... (read in full...)
What is the time frame in moving on from a broken heart?
Q. How long it takes to move on from a broken heart in a relationship when you plan to stay single for some time (atleast a year or more) . A relationship which wasn't always perfect but it had its good sides! and how to make it easy to move on?...
A. 31 January 2013: FWIW I have taken as short as 6 weeks to get over long term relationships (my first marriage as it was clearly dead) and as long as 10 months (for a shorter marriage that was just a huge mistake but where I was at the time required more healing)
... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex that passed away over a year ago
Q. I don't know where to start but a year and 2 months ago I lost the love of my life. We broke up a few months before he passed away and saw each other once after we broke up. I never stopped loving him, I would be obsessed with reading his facebook, ...
A. 31 January 2013: It's been 14 months since this young man died.
You knew him a mere 9 months and only dated 3 months out of this (at the beginning of knowing him)
What you are "in love with" is the idea of him.... you barely knew him... you nave no clue abo... (read in full...)
LDR makes me feel insecure. How do I get over it?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with my current boyfriend and we talk everyday. As far as looks go, I consider myself to be attractive, and I believe we are very compatible personality-wise, and we have many similar interests. We've been ...
A. 31 January 2013: Ah see that's the crux of most issues I see in this case
A woman is acting inappropriate with a "taken" man and the partner (female) is not happy about it... but the truth is if you trust your partner he's as annoyed by it as you are... and H... (read in full...)
Do you think she is avoiding me? It seems like a lot if effort and very silly in my opinion.
Q. I ended things with a girl ages ago, it wasn't the best break up and I will be honest I didn't go about it the right way at all, I was kind of a coward and a careless asshole. But it has been well over a month since i have seen her, it's sad i ...
A. 31 January 2013: Wow you think her universe revolves around you?
you say you ended it ages ago...
It's ages ago you broke up... maybe something else changed in her life and she had to change her schedule... why in the world would you think it's ALL ABOUT... (read in full...)
Why is it an ex always looks better after a break up than when you were together?
Q. Why is it when you've broken up with a girl, when you next see them they always look better than they did before? It's strange, the girl I used to go out with she has always been beautiful, but I ran into yesterday for the first time in a while ...
A. 31 January 2013: when relationships end it's usually a good time for change... folks can focus on themselves so diet and exercise happen... and of course mourning the loss leads to weight loss... so it's a jump start..
then for women a new hair color and style ca... (read in full...)
An old coworker flirted with me and now I'm confused about my fiancée.
Q. currently engaged to "M" for 6 yrs. then a few mos ago i ran into co-worker "L" who i used to work with/flirted with (before i connected with "M"). i point out fiance "M" to "L" and "L" leans in and says "does your fiance know how lucky he is?" and ...
A. 31 January 2013: Wow is right… do M a favor and break the engagement… if a lovely compliment from a FORMER co-worker can make you question your engagement, well then maybe you are engaged for the wrong reasons….
just because a man compliments me or makes a pa... (read in full...)
What is the time frame in moving on from a broken heart?
Q. How long it takes to move on from a broken heart in a relationship when you plan to stay single for some time (atleast a year or more) . A relationship which wasn't always perfect but it had its good sides! and how to make it easy to move on?...
A. 31 January 2013: depends on lots of things..
how old you are
how long you were together
how bad was the breakup
if you pretend to stay friends or not..
our rule as younger women(late 20s and such) was
6 weeks of full blown misery mourning... ice ... (read in full...)
He dumped me at the club over the weekend after 5 months. Now he wants to be friends. What's going on?
Q. My boyfriend, 27, dumped me outside a club at 4am at the weekend. He said although he really liked me, after 5 months dating had realised he did not love me. To begin with though he said ' I was such an idiot earlier... before saying this. He w...
A. 31 January 2013: He's 27, not a baby... he realized you are not "his one" and he felt it was time to cut his losses and end it.. clearly he's ready to find someone to settle down with... and sadly it's not you.
he picked a bad time and a bad place to do it... ... (read in full...)
My husband bought a necklace for a random waitress. I find it inappropriate, he thinks it's charity. Thoughts please.
Q. Mod note: I added she was the waitress to make the question more clear. I found a receipt for a swarovski necklace in the sale in my husbands week day apartment. When I asked him about it, after a few laughs, he said that he goes to a chinese ...
A. 31 January 2013: NOT appropriate..
and probably a lie.
and I agree find a way to end the distance...
My husband is upset that I wear a ring (on my right hand) that was my mothers... his belief is that a woman only wears the jewelery her partner/husba... (read in full...)
Is her behavior normal? I feel like I'm being insensitive but at the same time I think she needs to help herself.
Q. I guess I want to get people’s views on my breakup. I met this girl two weeks after a painful breakup. We connected and it just felt right, maybe all a bit too good. We dated for a while, and she told me she loved me after two weeks. She seem...
A. 31 January 2013: I got to this: "She seemed to have a bit of a volatile personality mainly when alcohol was involved."
and went to skim mode...
I live with (and I am married to and totally committed to) an active alcoholic.... trust me... RUN as far a... (read in full...)
How do I refocus & find out if I can continue to stay in my marriage.
Q. I've been married for 16 hrs. I am 45 hrs old and have 2 boys with my husband. My husband works a day job as well as a 2nd shift job. I work in the morning part time and the rest of my time is devoted to my boys their schools and sports. My ...
A. 31 January 2013: IF you really want to make the marriage work you have to totally completely give up this guy on the side.
NO calls
no texts
no social media (block him)
no email
NO CONTACT at all!
then you must go to your husband and say "we have to ... (read in full...)
Why does my male friend who has a gf txt me every day
Q. il try keep this short and sweet...... why would my male friend text me every day. We did have a drunken kiss at christmas and hes been texting me every day since, even tho he has a gf the last couple of yrs. I told him nothing will happen wit...
A. 31 January 2013: have you ASKED him what's up?
he's flirting and keeping the excitement on the side with you.
IF you were his GF and he was sending the kinds of texts you two have to another woman what would you think/feel?
he's EMOTIONALLY cheating on ... (read in full...)
How can I live more comfortably in this flat living with the kind of people I live with?
Q. Helloo, I'm having a problem that causes me a lot of stress and would appreciate advice on how to handle it. Please bear with me as I've just come out of a 'chat' which involves the problem. Thank you. At the moment, I'm living in a flat with my...
A. 31 January 2013: best advice... start finding a new place to live. NOW
stop cleaning up after jack!
keep to yourself.
I have never found that a situation with a couple who has roommates works well.
roommates are fine
couples living together are ... (read in full...)
There is no contact inbetween our planning to set up a date. Is this normal?
Q. I met a guy online and we met for coffee a few weeks ago. It was ok, there wasn't an instant connection but wasn't completely awful either. When we were leaving he told me if I wanted to do something to get in touch with him. I figured I had no...
A. 31 January 2013: when my husband and I first started seeing each other we were 2 hours apart and at first our communications were limited....
it was not till he started loving me and it became serious that we had regular contact...
it's been a few weeks... ... (read in full...)
Over 3 years of dating we have lost alot of intimacy. Why?
Q. So I have been with my girlfriend for a little over three years and she has lost alot of intimacy. I will be happy if we can steady have sex once a week but she always has am excuse. I find myself bagging for it and that's pathetic. What I'm asking ...
A. 31 January 2013: if kissing and hugging always leads to sex and my drive is less than my partner's I'm going to avoid kissing and hugging because I don't always want sex.
if kissing and hugging are not always a prelude to sex (as it is in my house) then there is... (read in full...)
Increasingly jealous and insecure for what reason? Help!
Q. I'm 21, my boyfriend is 26, we have been together for almost 2 years. He is *amazing* in bed, gives me many intense orgasms whereas he doesn't come easily (a woman's dream since it means he stays hard for a *while* without 'arriving') My questi...
A. 31 January 2013: The best way to boost your self-esteem is to get some short term counseling with a professional to figure out why you are feeling so insecure.
Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity... it's not about love or possession... it's not about wh... (read in full...)
How can people have sex with the same person and not get bored?
Q. I am still a virgin so I have no knowledge of such things, but it seems to me that If I had sex with the same girl all the time then things would get very boring, kind of like watching the same movie over and over and over again. Assuming that ...
A. 31 January 2013: sex is not about entertainment.
Making love with someone you care deeply about it never boring... it's easy.. you know the steps to the dance...
it can become routine.. and once married with young children and jobs you have to find time... ... (read in full...)
Do sparks die down after a certain point in a relationship?
Q. Hi, I just had this thought and it made me wonder,do sparks die down after a certain point in a relationship?do men get bored of their girlfriends?how do u maintain these sparks? I know some of you will say,if your in love it will never die down,b...
A. 31 January 2013: yeah they do.
it's not boredom. It's comfort.
sparks will come and go
relationships wax and wan.... and then you hit a "falling in love all over again" spot and it's great... then it's comfortable again...
... (read in full...)
How can I help my husband have better communication skills?
Q. I post this question if anione know of any service s that help with communication skills. My husband is a very nice man, and most of the time we get alone. The way he communicates with people around him and his customers needs improvement. He is a ...
A. 31 January 2013: he's wife hearing impaired.. sometimes they can hear what we need to say if someone else says it.
my husband is similar.. he rambles on... and I am never sure what his point is...
a google search for communication skills training shows a ... (read in full...)
Should I apologize for saying that his friendship with this other woman makes me uncomfortable?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, please advise: My guy has a married girl friend who is flying in to his city for a week, without her husband, just to hang out with my guy because she “misses him”. I don’t live with my guy yet, though we’ve been together fo...
A. 31 January 2013: he accuses you of not trusting him because it's not a trustworthy situation.
I trust my hubby 100% but I have to say if an old friend of the opposite sex wanted to fly in and see him for a week without her current partner and without me... I'... (read in full...)
My husband says he doesn't watch porn or masturbate ever. Is this possible?
Q. All I ever read on this site is how men use porn. If a guy says he isn't using porn then he is lying. I read a post just the other day for a woman who wanted a man who didn't cheat, watch porn, look at other women, etc. It got tons of replies all ...
A. 31 January 2013: FWIW, my first husband was not ever a porn user. I have no clue if he's ever masturbated in his life but I'm sure he has.
My current husband used to use porn a LOT more than he does not. He even has favorite porn stars... and it does not... (read in full...)
How do I handle girls flirting with my boyfriend in front of me?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles! My question is : how to hande girls flirting with my boyfriend in front of me? See, today I went to a bank with my boyfriend, we are very serious, and he really wants to be married and wants me to meet his parents. He i...
A. 31 January 2013: Define flirting please.
I can't see a teller at a bank flirting so outrageously that it would get the ire of a woman up this much. I'm wondering how you interpret her behavior as flirting...
How can you subtly piss on your tree to mark yo... (read in full...)
Did I over-react? I thought we had a connection. Maybe not? I feel he's messing with my mind!
Q. Hello I just wanted some views on my situation. I met a guy on holiday and we kept in touch. I went back to visit him and we spent lots of time together. I met his family and his friends again. When we were apart we always have arguments ov...
A. 31 January 2013: OP I’ve read your post and your follow up and you said:
“Anyway I just feel generally men expect the woman to make the sacrifices in these situations otherwise they are not playing.”
And I can truly say not only do I disagree with your assessme... (read in full...)
I feel lost without my boyfriend and just want to contact him!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, over the phone. It was a somewhat mutual breakup once I found out who he was. Our morals and lifestyles are far too different to make a serious relationship work (he is a serious partier, smoker and ...
A. 30 January 2013: He does not acknowledge you because you have no relationship with you.
He's an ex boyfriend. he does not need to nor should he acknowledge your existence.... he's over and done.
he is not the reason you exist. He's the reason you are h... (read in full...)
LDR makes me feel insecure. How do I get over it?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with my current boyfriend and we talk everyday. As far as looks go, I consider myself to be attractive, and I believe we are very compatible personality-wise, and we have many similar interests. We've been ...
A. 30 January 2013: OP you started your post with "I'm in an long distance relationship...."
in the original question you said:
"I think it only really bothers me because he's so far away that I can't even hug him myself,"
well that to me says LDR and... (read in full...)
Why do people have to make comments that are hurtful?
Q. Dear Cupid, The other night I was talking to this guy that I know fairly well but is still considered an acquaintance. We were texting and he asked "why do you wear so much makeup? Not to say you look bad but i'm sure you're pretty naturally...
A. 30 January 2013: I agree with those that don't see it as negative.
It was not. It was a straght forward question.
would you have been offended if he had said "why do you always wear skirts?"
I know that if folks said to me "why do you always w... (read in full...)
A phone call shattered my world, find out husband had an affair. If I leave will it stop the pain?
Q. Hi One evening I got a call from a girl saying to ask my husband who she is. I asked ... it is a work collegue who he has being having an affair with for 4 months. He said he ended it 1 month ago and didnt have sex. I believe him and he's promise...
A. 30 January 2013: IF you have been married long term, if there are kids, if there is still love, if you are willing to forgive (NOT FORGET) and work with him, then perhaps you can save the marriage if you want.
Leaving will not stop the pain. Only the passage ... (read in full...)
I need the strength to despise him for cheating on me
Q. I don't know what to do. I'm 26, found out my boyfriend of 4 years has cheated on me 2 times, once each time with two different girls. He seemed so sweet and loving up until I just found this out. I have 100% concrete evidence, there's no doubt he...
A. 30 January 2013: Well my take on this is a bit different than most women.
I would rather my man do a one night stand with no emotionally involvement than have an emotional affair.
To me the emotional affair is worse.
Humans are mammals.... we are... (read in full...)
I hate that my boyfriend said his best vacation was with his ex! Should I be mad?
Q. Hi everyone, we talked with my bf the other day about spending some summer vacation together. We want to go to the sea, because we haven´t been by the sea for a long time. My BF told me he was by the sea few years ago and it was the best, most ama...
A. 30 January 2013: Well since it was before you were around, perhaps you can set the goal that your vacation with him will be his new BEST vacation.
Possibly it was due to the people he was with. Possibly it was the location. Or a combination of the two...
... (read in full...)
Is it normal to hardly know someone after going out on 2 dates?
Q. Is it normal to barely know someone after 2 dates? I'm 20 years old, recently met this 21 year old guy that comes to my university, we both live near campus and have seen each other twice. First time he came around to my house and the 2nd time I w...
A. 30 January 2013: two dates is not a lot of time... it can take a few months of casual dating to get to know someone...
dinners, lunches or drinks (coffee) are better than movies... with movies you have to watch the movie and your interactions are limited.... (read in full...)
LDR makes me feel insecure. How do I get over it?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with my current boyfriend and we talk everyday. As far as looks go, I consider myself to be attractive, and I believe we are very compatible personality-wise, and we have many similar interests. We've been ...
A. 30 January 2013: LDRs are hard in general.
LDRs when one or both parties are away at college are nearly impossible. Add to this you
I assume you guys were local till college and now are trying to cope with the distance. IF that's the case the only thing I can... (read in full...)
He's 24. I told him I was 18. How can I tell him the truth that I'm 17 and not lose him when I do tell?
Q. Hello, I'm 17 years old and iv met a guy and we have been seeing each other for about a month and we really like each other. However, I told him I was 18 as we met in a bar that I got into. He's 24. I want to tell him that I'm actually 17,...
A. 30 January 2013: I do not know how it works there with your age of consent but here even if a girl is above the age of consent but below 18 it's still illegal if the guy is over 18 (or vice versa)
You lied. NEVER a good start to a relationship.
You must ju... (read in full...)
Are long distance relationships all about the sex?
Q. I'm just gonna go right out and say it... are long distance relationships just about sex? I mean, if you meet someone online and see them, say, a couple of weekends a month... and it takes around 3 hours to get to them and you're paying for the ...
A. 30 January 2013: The goal of a true LDR is to NOT be an LDR.
Sometimes you meet someone who does not live in your area. Sometimes it's in real life. Sometimes it's online. LDRs are hard but they are workable. And true LDRS are not just about sex.
I met ... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy who's shorter and younger than me?
Q. Dear Cupid! I'm a 17-years old girl and there's this 15-years old boy, we kind of like each other. But wouldn't it be weird to date him? People would talk about us. Also he is a few cm shorter than me, I think, and to be honest, looks more like my ...
A. 30 January 2013: If you like this young man and he likes you why not spend time together. People will always find something to talk about... as for height... well that's not a big deal either.
For what it's worth as you get older that gap of two years wi... (read in full...)
I feel lost without my boyfriend and just want to contact him!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, over the phone. It was a somewhat mutual breakup once I found out who he was. Our morals and lifestyles are far too different to make a serious relationship work (he is a serious partier, smoker and ...
A. 29 January 2013: it's only been a month... keep doing what you are doing and you will meet someone better suited to you.
You say you don't have closure... but what would you like as closure?
what do you want to do? rehash why it won't work? berate him for n... (read in full...)
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