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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I've been texting with a guy I met online for a couple months...Is he just wasting my time?
Q. I'm just getting back in to the dating game, and decided to sign up for an online dating site to meet new men. A couple months ago, this guy (I'll call him "Brad") emailed me and we started chatting. Then a week later, we exchanged numbers and ...
A. 24 March 2013: Right... thanks for the update...
remember if you meet online, and they are serious about having a relationship even if you are a couple of hours apart by car, they should want to meet fairly quickly...
those that are only having fun or w... (read in full...)
Advice for dating a younger man?
Q. I have the opportunity to date a 26 year old man. The problem is that I'm 41. I've never dated anyone that young before. He is hot, sexy and we get along really well together. I'm very attracted to him. He really wants to date me, but I'm being ...
A. 23 March 2013: I'm sorry but a 26 year old man (I have one of those as a child btw and a 28 yr old) is old enough to make his choice for himself and not to please his MOMMY. If he has a concern that his parents would be disapproving then perhaps he's not mature ... (read in full...)
Should I call off my engagement? He is possesive but my family need his money....
Q. Hello all, I would really be grateful if anyone can guide me through this problem I'm facing. Iv met my current fiance 1 year ago, we've started talking and we directly clicked, he's a really really well off business man who is much older than me,...
A. 22 March 2013:
He is possessive, he’s insecure and you find him scary. YOU LIVE WITH A MAN THAT SCARES YOU??!!
HE LOCKS YOU UP?
Honey I’m not reading any more… I got to HE USED TO LOCK ME UP AT HIS VILLA and I’m DONE
GO HOME to mom and dad NOW.... (read in full...)
Advice for dating a younger man?
Q. I have the opportunity to date a 26 year old man. The problem is that I'm 41. I've never dated anyone that young before. He is hot, sexy and we get along really well together. I'm very attracted to him. He really wants to date me, but I'm being ...
A. 22 March 2013: Your not marrying him your dating him. Have fun.
AT 41 I’m going to say that your kid days are close to being over… and to be honest until you two are serious (at least 6 months to a year of “going steady”) it’s not even an issue unless h... (read in full...)
She's starting a new job soon so I want her to pay towards the rent and bills, how do I bring this up with her?
Q. So been with gf for 5 years most of long distances. Back in Aug we moved in together I own the house and she was going to pay rent for $250 Month. With her not makes much money I said hold on to it and when u get better job you'll be able to help. ...
A. 22 March 2013: sit down with her when the first paycheck arrives and map out a budget for the household. show her the expenses and figure out who pays what and why...
If you are living together as boyfriend and girlfriend then you are playing married people h... (read in full...)
I love her but I'm emotionally drained, am I wasting my time? Should I put some distance between us?
Q. I'm dating a woman 16year younger than me. We get along most of the time but our bad times are or feel extreme. I have trust issues with her due to her deleting texts after snding and having multiple numbers under a contact e.g. she has my number ...
A. 22 March 2013: You don't trust her so you snoop
she doesn't trust you so she hides things.
she drinks alot
you are emotionally tired
you feel stupid
she deletes texts
these are all good reasons to leave
now give me all the reasons you haven't left ... (read in full...)
Pre-occupied with the fear that I might have HPV
Q. Hi there, Hmm I don’t know how to start this off it is probably going to sound crazy, but anyway when I was younger I went off of the rails I suppose and was incredibly naïve, so much so I ended up having unprotected sex with two rather questiona...
A. 22 March 2013: I have had in my lifetime (i'm 53) two abnormal pap smears one in my 30s and one in my 40s. I've been having smears since I was 12 (I had what would now be called PMDD but back then had no name) and at 14 I became sexually active and have had ... (read in full...)
What is it going to be like when I have sex? Do men get more pleasure out of it than women?
Q. i feel really strange asking this and a bit odd, but i dont know were else i can get the answers im looking for. so im 18 and ive never had sex. i do masterbate ( sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, you dont have to read all the way through)...
A. 22 March 2013: if it hurts don't do it.
I don't orgasm from penetration.. never have never will
sex doesn't hurt but it's not sky rockets... the only way I'm going to orgasm is with my hands or a shower massage.
Talking about sex is the first thing you d... (read in full...)
Who do I choose, my current boyfriend or my ex?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for a long time now almost a year n a half so i have an ex who is currently back in town. He is demanding to be back with me nevertheless i have moved on he is telling me that he does not care wether i make him ...
A. 22 March 2013: HE can DEMAND all he wants you do not have to comply. In fact, you do not have to have any contact with your ex at all and to be honest anyone who DEMANDS something of me usually gets NOTHING.
If you can’t choose which one to be with you need... (read in full...)
Are online conception date calendars accurate?
Q. Conception date. Are online conception date calendars accurate? I want to be sure. Can anyone help pls. I had a dating scan and a due date of 26th Sept 2013. With this info i got a conception date of somewhere between 31 Dec - 2nd Jan 2013. Would th...
A. 22 March 2013: don’t know if they are accurate but I can tell you that when my younger son was born that all scans and measurements were off and had I allowed the doctors to do a section based on size he would have been more premature than he was. (as it was he ... (read in full...)
Am I reading the signals right? Or am I in the friendzone?
Q. Hi there boys and girls! I need your help, anyway here it goes. There's this girl I meet at work just a month ago. I'm starting to like / have a crush on her. She's so beautiful that like in some ways, I haven't felt this way before. But the ...
A. 22 March 2013: She told you she has a boyfriend. IF she was interested in you she would not have told you she has a boyfriend. That’s girl speak for “I’m not available”
“does she like (me) more than friends even if she has a boyfriend?” actually the ques... (read in full...)
Surely actions speak louder than words? Is there any hope for this relationship or should I move on?
Q. i have been with a man for 10 years. about 4 years ago I kicked him out because of problems with my mom. she died in 2010. We talk of getting back together but he uses this as a excuse of why we have not. we went on vacation together in 2012. he ...
A. 22 March 2013: He just wants your money
it's over and done...... (read in full...)
Would you continue to date a guy who you were completely emotionally compatible with but intellectually it's not quite there?
Q. Would you continue to date a guy who you where completely emotionally compatible with but intellectually it's not quite there???? I mean I love him but sometimes he says this that Make me think he's not intelligent. What so ya'll think?Physically ...
A. 22 March 2013: he may be smart but not educated.
IF you find his intellect lacking, eventually you may seek stimulation elsewhere... I've always said what drew me to my current husband was his brain...
so I would be wary of making a lifetime or perm... (read in full...)
Should I text him? Or not?
Q. I met this guy online, he lives about 1.5 hours away by ferry. We texted pretty much everyday quite a bit for just over a month. He made a few comments about coming up for a weekend. This scared me because what if we did not hit it off and I was ...
A. 22 March 2013: Didn't you post and ask about if you should even have a LDR with this guy?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-met-my-online-long-distance-guy-but.html
is this you?
in the beginning of my LDR I was the one rowing the boat a lot... I s... (read in full...)
If you were in my shoes, would you stay?
Q. i've been seeing a girl for about four months now. i'm very happy with her and we have a very healthy relationship together. she tells me she definitely sees a future with me and i thought i did, too. my problem is that she told me today that sh...
A. 22 March 2013: She's talking about going for ONE semester? a very brief period of time in the span of things.
If I was you I'd not leave... wait and see what happens.... (read in full...)
I can't STAND him when he's drunk!!
Q. I've been seeing this guy pretty regularly for about six months. We're not officially dating mainly because I don't want too and still consider myself single even though I haven't really hooked up with anyone else besides him. But basicall...
A. 22 March 2013: Listen to me very VERY VERY carefully… RUN DO NOT WALK to the nearest relationship exit with this guy.
ANGRY drunks are VERY dangerous. I live with and I’m married to one. DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO…. DO NOT stay with him.
I haven’t even rea... (read in full...)
Why am I still hurting from getting fingered a week later
Q. I am 16 yr old sophomore and my senior boyfriend who is 18. We really hadn't done anything else but make out. Until this year, last week was spring break and we went to the beach and we had talked about doing more than kissing but I ha no idea it ...
A. 22 March 2013: Honey I'm 53 and I've had two kids and three fingers up me would hurt too...
If you have not been to a gyn it's time to go.
get a check up and get on some birth control because sex with him is coming fast....
and then sit him down and... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he isn't himself around me?
Q. I know this is long, but please take the time to read! :) My boyfriend of 3 years and I are both 18. We both put everything into our relationship and have always had respect for each other. Anyways, he hasn't been getting very good sleep latel...
A. 22 March 2013: You have been with him since you were both 15. Who you are at 15 is not who you are at 18 and who you are at 18 is not who you will be at 21. Let’s start with that.
He’s feeling different around you. He’s feeling irritated around you lately. ... (read in full...)
Do you think the man I'm cheating on my husband is in love with me?
Q. I've been having sex with him for three months. I'm married, he's single.I fell hard for him and he knows it. Despite knowing my feelings, he still wanted to meet me and have contact with me. He told me he'll never become attached to a married ...
A. 22 March 2013: I like what the very wise Aunty BimBim has said. IF he loved you he would fight for you and beg you to leave your husband for him. He’s not doing that.
You follow up with “this is a difficult situation” but it’s not Star. YOU are the ... (read in full...)
Don't want a serious relationship, but is casual so bad?
Q. Over my last break up but no longer want anything serious as its not the right time in my life. Is wanting something casual a bad thing? Like a sort of friends with benefit thing? ...
A. 22 March 2013: Casual dating is not FWB like chigirl said.
The problem for most women who want casual sex is that once they have sex (and the romance that goes with it) they tend to fall for the guy... and then get hurt.
Guys seem to be able just do the deed... (read in full...)
I've been texting with a guy I met online for a couple months...Is he just wasting my time?
Q. I'm just getting back in to the dating game, and decided to sign up for an online dating site to meet new men. A couple months ago, this guy (I'll call him "Brad") emailed me and we started chatting. Then a week later, we exchanged numbers and ...
A. 22 March 2013: While he may be interested once I got to “he asked me to hang out that same day, but I already had plans, so I had to decline. He was disappointed but didn't seem overly bothered by it.” I knew it was not serious for him.
Serious men ask you ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and just found out my boyfriend cheated. What should I do now? I'm lost and just need to talk.
Q. Today has been a bad day for me. I found out that my boyfriend is in jail again. I looked up his record because I was wondering why I have not heard from him in 2 days and that's how I found out. Its not like him to not talk to me for two days.Then ...
A. 22 March 2013: See I’m the ONLY One who wants to see his face when Baby Mama ONE and the current GF show up together… I want to see him squirm and try to LIE his way out of this one.
OP, there is nothing wrong with being a single mom if it means you are NOT subj... (read in full...)
Should I ask her out again?
Q. We just got out of a late class, and I asked her if she wanted to go bowling; she stated that she couldn't pay for anything at the moment, and it seemed she was thinking about it then told me she has an hour's drive and couldn't. after that she told ...
A. 22 March 2013: Yes ASK HER AGAIN
she told you to!... (read in full...)
What qualifies as "successful" emotional abuse, and what can I do to get continuous abuse, "failed" or otherwise, to stop?
Q. I am having a huge problem, or at least, a huge thought process about a decently large problem. So, uh, it'll be a bit of a detailed story. Sorry... Last year I started going to a small private school, many of the students and teachers I had m...
A. 22 March 2013: OK so you broke up with him… he’s now an ex right? So you didn’t take his abuse then.
You say “my ex is not trying to emotionally abuse me” NO he’s not. He’s an EX he has no power unless you give it to him.
You are still so wrapped up with the... (read in full...)
I'd like to return his parents' kindness but he's telling me not to
Q. My boyfriend informed me a couple days ago that his mother is planning on giving me a basket for Easter. This will be the first time in ages since I got anything for Easter. My boyfriend doesn't get along with parents, especially his dad. Anyway, I ...
A. 22 March 2013: It’s not high class to not return the favor… NOT at all. IN my family, kids do not gift parents. WE never have. It’s weird but I think it’s more about my religion being more kid oriented for gifts.. for example my dad will gift me for my ... (read in full...)
Should parents knock before they enter a kid's room?
Q. This is a question to all parents I want to know what do u think of the concept of a) knocking on you kids door before entering their room? 2)How do you get them to open up to you more,what if they are constantly texting,do u check their...
A. 22 March 2013: Should parent’s knock before they enter a kids room…
Yes, once the child is toilet trained and independent enough I think that knocking before entering a closed door is common courtesy.
How do you get them to open up more if they are constan... (read in full...)
I want to ask someone out, without using those specific words.
Q. Okay, I've recently became friends with this boy, he's in some of my classes and because he is I feel that he is constantly looking at me. I caught him looking at me the other day in class and it was sensual stare. I like the fact that he is doing ...
A. 22 March 2013: YOu do realize that you liking him colors what you see him doing and how you interpret what he's doing and why right?
how about the next time you see him say "hey wanna hang together Saturday afternoon"
the words go and out are not in t... (read in full...)
Most of the relationship is great, but ...
Q. Hi folks. I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and half. She's the best girlfriend I've ever had. She's above average in her looks, career, spirituality, fitness... you name it. But I've got a few concerns: 1) Sex. I've had sex with 3 ot...
A. 22 March 2013:
Wow, I think before she dumps you for being insensitive and arrogant (cause I sure as hell would) you need to end it with her as a favor to her.
I agree with all the previous posters.
Being with someone is not about a laundry list of what’s r... (read in full...)
How would you react to a $20 engagement ring from a well-off guy?
Q. Hello everyone, My boyfriend proposed with a ring that he paid 20 dollars. If he was earning a low income, I would not be asking for advice. However, he drives an expensive car, has about 50 pairs of shoes, good job, etc. should I be upset? Am I ...
A. 22 March 2013: Are you sure the receipt is for that ring?
I like Tisha's idea a lot.
I have to tell you that my engagement ring is so over the top that it looks faux. It's not but I am sure I could find one that LOOKS just like it for 20 bucks... granted ... (read in full...)
My fiance did nothing inappropriate at the bachelor party, but I am still upset that he felt horny nonetheless.
Q. Hello. Im in a relationship since 5 years and we are now engaged, hope to be married in start of next year. Trust and girls have never been an issue in my relationship as my guy is not the sort who is a flirt. He visits foreign countries a lot ...
A. 22 March 2013: Prostitutes are not sluts…. Sluts do it for free… (at least that’s my take on it and to be honest I find the term slut to be way more insulting… maybe it’s my age)
I would be way more concerned about sluts that prostitutes to be honest… but that... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want anal sex with my wife?
Q. Is it normal to want anal sex with my wife, she's got a lovely arse and she's the only person I want it with, we have been together for 20 + years and have a fantastic sex life, I'm just wondering if my penis would be too big for her, it's 6 ins but ...
A. 22 March 2013: I think it’s perfectly normal to want it. Have you asked her how she feels about it? She may be willing to try it but there are techniques to doing it to make sure it works well and it takes time and patience and both partners have to be willing ... (read in full...)
I cant move on.....I want him back no matter what it takes
Q. My boyfriend and I had been in a relationship since 13 months. The past three months, we had started fighting a lot. And the week before he broke up with me, I had brought up break up since he would fight on everything. But the fights never lasted ...
A. 22 March 2013: thanks to the last poster... NO I do not want the OP to hurt anyone... I was trying to get her to see that she won't do ANYTHING...
It's so hard to be 16 and have your heart breaking...... (read in full...)
He left, and I am desperate to know what to do
Q. So, for the past few months my husband and I have been having alot of problems. He has become very angry, to the point of verbal abuse and in his mind I am his enemy and at least every week he would blow up at me for some thing or another. Really ...
A. 21 March 2013: “he claims it’s because I make him so unhappy and ruin everything in his life”
OP he’s a JERK… he won’t even OWN his behavior and instead tries to blame it on you?
That’s so wrong. IT’s NOT YOUR FAULT no matter what he says and no matter wh... (read in full...)
Caught Him in the act. Now what?
Q. About 2 years ago I came home early and found my husband making out with her in my car in the driveway (we have a long country drive) He seemed devastated and vowed to go to therapy and never ever do that again. Found out at counseling it had ...
A. 21 March 2013: OP,
I sense you are scared to be on your own and would rather put up with his lies and cheating than leave him.
IF that's the case, then you must look the other way and move on living the lie.
Personally if that's how you feel (staying... (read in full...)
He cheated. I told the girl, but she went back to him and he forgot about me.
Q. I Really need help with this one... So I have been doing a long distance relationship with this guy since last january of 2012 I was going to school in vegas and he lives in huntington beach 3 hour drive not bad. We actually saw eachother alot in ...
A. 21 March 2013: Thanks for the follow ups OP, it’s always good to get more answers.
You ask “why even after I TRIED to break up with him did he try so hard to keep it going”
Again I submit… why not… it was his ego that needed stroking… you were 3 hours away a... (read in full...)
I am very hurt and angry that my husband is looking at porn. Why does everyone think porn is ok?
Q. I have been married for 4 months and moved across the country leaving my family and everything behind to be with my husband. I have no one out here but him and his family. I miss my family so much and cry quite a bit. My mother was molested b...
A. 21 March 2013: OP you are correct. IT is NOT OK for a partnered man to look at porn IF it bothers the partner.
BUT if he does it and he knows it bothers her, then she has two choices... stay and know he's going to do it or LEAVE. Because all a man who ... (read in full...)
He has become 'best friends' with a female co-worker, they text all the time and go to lunch together. If I get upset about it he calls me insecure, but don't I have a right to be in this situation?
Q. My husband and I have been married for six years and he has always had the same job.. Well recently he has started talking about a coworker all the time telling me how great she is. He goes to lunches with her alone and they text back and forth ...
A. 21 March 2013: At the bare minimum he's emotionally cheating.
the fact that they conspired to "make fun of you" and tease you with his "two week notice" is bothersome.
IF nothing was going on he would not have done that unless he's 12 or just a cruel bas... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says if I'm tired of him I should just give up on him
Q. Here's my story, I have a 3 year old daughter and I'm 6 months pregnant with my second child. Lately my boyfriend(the father of my children) has been having health problems, and he is having self pity. He told me that if I'm tired of him, I could ...
A. 21 March 2013: As the more disabled partner in my marriage, I get your boyfriend's feelings... you don't as an adult want to be a burden on your partner.
IF the only reason you stay is because of the kids, that's not a good reason..
if his illness is somet... (read in full...)
What if you can't forgive your partner for cheating?
Q. Hello. My name's Luan and I'm writing from Brazil. I'm not going to bother you with the whole story of my life and my relation, so I'll go straight to the point, asking you this. What to do.. If you are not able to forgive your partner after he...
A. 21 March 2013: if you are unable to forgive your partner then you need to move on from them.
It does not matter when the action occurred if you cannot get past it and forgive, then what's the point in staying with them?... (read in full...)
I cant move on.....I want him back no matter what it takes
Q. My boyfriend and I had been in a relationship since 13 months. The past three months, we had started fighting a lot. And the week before he broke up with me, I had brought up break up since he would fight on everything. But the fights never lasted ...
A. 21 March 2013: OP you said "I don't want you to tell me to move on cause I really love him. I want him back whatever it takes."
Ok I won't tell you to move on. You're not going to listen anyway... So let's say that the only way to get him back was to make ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend his lateness is driving me mad?
Q. Hello all I think my bf has issues with time management. He's a lovely guy and he tries his best to spend time with me despite his busy schedule. Sometimes when he says he would call at a certain time, he ends up calling an hour later. I wish he ...
A. 21 March 2013: I hate being late and I'm insane about letting folks know.
My husband runs late all the time and it drives me nuts.
He may lose track of time. I use an alarm on my phone to remind me to do things... (like leave work for an appointment or s... (read in full...)
He left, and I am desperate to know what to do
Q. So, for the past few months my husband and I have been having alot of problems. He has become very angry, to the point of verbal abuse and in his mind I am his enemy and at least every week he would blow up at me for some thing or another. Really ...
A. 21 March 2013: I don't think you were harsh. IF he was being abusive you did the right thing.
IF you tried to reconcile and he would not do what needs to be done, then you did the right thing.
You are mourning a loss and will feel empty and sad even i... (read in full...)
Why won't my partner give me blowjobs?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 8 years and she has never giving me a proper blowjob, and by proper I mean that she has never gotten me off while doing it. She rarely goes down on me, and I mean rarely, I'm taking once every year or two. And ...
A. 21 March 2013: I just saw my ex husband last week… we were talking about things we miss about each other (it was a very odd divorce) and he said he missed being able to orgasm from a blow job. Apparently I was the only partner he ever had that could get him to ... (read in full...)
Caught Him in the act. Now what?
Q. About 2 years ago I came home early and found my husband making out with her in my car in the driveway (we have a long country drive) He seemed devastated and vowed to go to therapy and never ever do that again. Found out at counseling it had ...
A. 21 March 2013: YOU WON'T BE ALONE.
I do not think you can fix this or him.
He's been with her since 2009 that's FOUR YEARS... he's not giving her up.
This is NOT about YOU rather it's about him.
He's greedy, selfish, childish and immature. He'... (read in full...)
He cheated. I told the girl, but she went back to him and he forgot about me.
Q. I Really need help with this one... So I have been doing a long distance relationship with this guy since last january of 2012 I was going to school in vegas and he lives in huntington beach 3 hour drive not bad. We actually saw eachother alot in ...
A. 21 March 2013: OK what I see so far:
It’s LDR.
He said the L word… and gives you promises of fidelity and living together within a year (if that’s not dangling a carrot in front of you I don’t know what is)
He canceled plans for a special day (his b... (read in full...)
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