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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Who makes the first move on a third date?
Q. Hi Everyone! I am single and have joined an internet dating site. I met this fellow, let's call him Mr.M. Originally we organised a date for the week after we met, but it just so happened that our work gave us the same day off before th...
A. 5 April 2013: I wouldn’t bring it up. Sadly for most, sex does not change anything. The time to ask for exclusivity is before you are sexual. You are wanting to close the barn door after the horse is out and about.
Now you just have to wait and see what... (read in full...)
What could my fwb want to 'discuss'?
Q. Friends with 'some' benefits situation: here goes: Nov 2012: approached him, started to hang out with him, told him I liked him, he told me he liked me too. Started to send flirty text messages daily. Saw him 2wice a week. Very sexually attract...
A. 4 April 2013: So what did he want to talk about??? I'm curious to know where you two stand now.... (read in full...)
She seems to have lost interest in me!
Q. I met the most wonderful girl on a dating site - intelligent, articulate, humble, kind - and we've been communicating online for more than two months now. We bonded together over a series of uncanny coincidences and shared interests. We al...
A. 2 April 2013: OP, at the risk of overstepping my bounds and becoming the next person to offend you, I am wondering if you are truly asexual. Where did the diagnosis come from? Since according to my research around 1.5% of the population is truly asexual, I’m ... (read in full...)
Why do girls stay friends with some of their ex boyfriends but not all of their ex's?
Q. Why do girls stay friends with some of their ex boyfriends but other they just decide they don't want anything to do with anymore for no reason and he never did anything to deserve that?...
A. 1 April 2013: I don't see a need to ever remain friends with any ex partners unless you have children with them.
IF a person (male or female) remains friends with an ex and they are my current partner I'd be suspicious. If they are merely friendly... ... (read in full...)
Let this April Fools joke slide? Or break up with him?
Q. Boyfriend pretended to break up with me as an April Fool's joke? Well, apparently, he said it was an April Fool's joke. Should i leave him?. I think that's a cruel joke....
A. 1 April 2013: I think it was a stupid joke
I also think behind every joke is a bit of truth
He's childish
he's immature
he was drunk
I'd not contact him again and when he does contact you act all surprised and say "oh sorry we are broken up how ... (read in full...)
He said "I love you" after only 2 weeks and it has really freaked me out!
Q. My boyfriend told me he loved me when he was drunk after 2 weeks...? It really freaked me out and I said nothing back. Should I confront him about it and tell him I don't think love is possible until about the 6 month mark and that it made me feel ...
A. 1 April 2013: People often say silly stupid things when they are drunk
There is no CONFRONTATION for this. He may not even remember it.
He was drunk… ignore it.
but do focus on the fact that you are 16/17 and he is hopefully around the same ag... (read in full...)
Does he love me even though he says he doesn't?
Q. Last school year my friend and I began to hook up. After he graduated he left for an internship across the country and left me in our hometown. While he was there he would say I miss you etc... When he came home before going to college we hooked u...
A. 1 April 2013: when you say "hooked up" I assume you mean had sex....
no he does not love you. he could easily miss you and hooking up and LIKE you enough to have sex with you when it's available but not love you.
he told you he doesn't love you why wou... (read in full...)
I'm crushing on my older trainer. Could he like me back?
Q. Im realizing that I'm starting to really like older men. I'm 16, however i fall for guys in their 20's-30's.. I'm falling in love with a personal trainer at the gym i go to. I try and go everyday, and when hes not there i become upset. I love seeing ...
A. 1 April 2013: It's a crush and you are 16 if he is 22 he sees you as a cute kid nothing more..
and if he sees you as something more then the truth is by the time you are 18 you will be too mature for him.
I know it feels like more... but honey it's j... (read in full...)
I want to know how to ask my boyfriend to be STD tested!
Q. has anyone ever asked their fiance/significant other to get as STD test? how did you manage to do that? Everytime I want to bring it up, it feels so weird so I don't. However I'm a virgin, and he is not by a long shot, and we were talking about how ...
A. 1 April 2013: When I first started dating my husband he had been using escorts and I was active in the "swinger lifestyle"
I offered to give him a copy of my blood work and asked him to do the same. He readily agreed.
At 6 months we had it done ag... (read in full...)
Who makes the first move on a third date?
Q. Hi Everyone! I am single and have joined an internet dating site. I met this fellow, let's call him Mr.M. Originally we organised a date for the week after we met, but it just so happened that our work gave us the same day off before th...
A. 1 April 2013: I think you can go in for the kill... (just kidding)
sounds like if you don't make the move he might.
no hard and fast rules... you are an adult... if it feels right do it.... (read in full...)
I just want a boyfriend!
Q. Alright so I'm almost sixteen, the only serious relationships I've been in have had to be secrets cuz the guys were older than me. I've done everything but have sex. Now I seriously want a real boyfriend! Problem is is that I can't find anyone I...
A. 1 April 2013: "I want to lose my virginity"
Honey much like those folks who have babies THEN get married you have it backwards\
first you find a boy/man you love and adore and who loves and adores you back the same way... THEN you spend a good chunk o... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy not to come everytime?
Q. My bf and I lost our virginity together, he never came the first time. After a year he still doesn't occasionally. And it seems like it takes lots of effort to come. He admitted an addiction to porn halfway into our relationship, and he's let that ...
A. 1 April 2013: do you orgasm every time you have sex? I do not. It does not make the sex less enjoyable.
Just because he does not ejaculate every time you have sex does not mean he's not enjoying it.
And it's not a reflection on how attractive you are. ... (read in full...)
I think I made a mistake by judging his past?
Q. I fell head over heels in love with a man.He was 10 years younger than me. He was a serial cheater. Cheated on his exwife cheated on his ex girlfirends and cheated on his last girlfriend to be with me. It was perfect for 8 months. I knew he was ...
A. 1 April 2013: A man (regardless of his age) who cheats on more than one partner over the years has a pattern of cheating (I can and will see forgiving a one time cheat but not a serial cheater… a pattern is a pattern)
HE cheated WITH YOU on his last EX… he w... (read in full...)
Why did this girl walk away the minute she moved into the house with her boyfriend and not speak to me for a couple of years and then get back in touch, mess me around and fob me off and then shut me out again?
Q. Hi there. Four years ago I had a relationship with a girl who was about to move in with her long term boyfriend. I know it was wrong but I was lonely and inexperienced and she had issues with her bf and had recently lost her father. We met at ...
A. 1 April 2013: 2 years ago she made a choice after being rather skanky and untrustworthy.
she was using you then... the second she moved in with the boyfriend should have been the last you ever spoke to her.
what probably happened here was a glitch in her ... (read in full...)
Is neck kissing a turn on for guys? Or just girls?
Q. Is neck kissing a turn on for guys? Or just girls?...
A. 1 April 2013: oh I like my neck done but DON'T touch my ears....
see everyone is different.... (read in full...)
My husband will not stand up to his conniving family for me!
Q. Okay I really need some clear heads on this: Married for 10 years, together for 13. My husband is from a very small family - only a mother, sister and one niece. He says he's never been overly close with them, really. They were very nice ...
A. 1 April 2013: they sound like total idiots.
you can pick your friends you can't pick your family
and as adults there is no need to be friendly with them just because you share blood.... (read in full...)
She seems to have lost interest in me!
Q. I met the most wonderful girl on a dating site - intelligent, articulate, humble, kind - and we've been communicating online for more than two months now. We bonded together over a series of uncanny coincidences and shared interests. We al...
A. 1 April 2013: Here is my take on this…
ALL NEGATIVES:
You live in different countries. You don’t say which one she’s in but if it’s not Canada or Mexico I’m not holding out ANY hope and even if she lived in the USA I’m not giving much hope here….
You ... (read in full...)
Is neck kissing a turn on for guys? Or just girls?
Q. Is neck kissing a turn on for guys? Or just girls?...
A. 1 April 2013: i think my hubby likes it more than I do... (read in full...)
My husband will not stand up to his conniving family for me!
Q. Okay I really need some clear heads on this: Married for 10 years, together for 13. My husband is from a very small family - only a mother, sister and one niece. He says he's never been overly close with them, really. They were very nice ...
A. 1 April 2013: I'm sensing that your anxiety is making a tolerable for most situation worse and intolerable for you.
Learn to play their game...
"arrive at 3 for easter dinner" my question would have been... "what time are we eating?" if the answer... (read in full...)
I want to move things along!
Q. I met this guy at a college party and we exchanged numbers. At first we were texting constantly and having video chats since we both go to different colleges and don't have the opportunity to see each other. At the start we were equally texting each ...
A. 1 April 2013: If you are the one doing all the starting... then he's just going along for the ride.
if you live closer than 2 hours apart and it's been more than a few weeks and he's not making to move to get to know you more in real life, then there is not... (read in full...)
Does a teacher know when a student has a crush on them?
Q. Do teachers realise if one of their student has a crush on them?? Just wondering.... And how would they know????? No biggie, my friend does...
A. 1 April 2013: Yes teacher knows.
and her screaming and hiding is making it worse and making her laughable to said teacher.
... (read in full...)
My wife wants to be alone with another man before I join them for a threesome
Q. I have been married for 4 years, we have 2 kids together. A couple of months ago she wanted to try a threesome (mmf) with one of our friends (a 23 year old guy). it was not that bad, but its like it has been going on every month. Today she aske...
A. 1 April 2013: ah permission to cheat... that's what we have here....
if you no longer are enjoying your threesomes you can tell her NO MORE.
IF she wants to be alone with him she wants permission to cheat... BTDT....
once she's got alone time w... (read in full...)
This pregnancy is making me miserable! Am I normal?
Q. Hi. I am currently 41weeeks preganant and completely MISRABLE. I cry every single day, i am in pain, fat, i can barely walk or even stand up, tired, bored, uncomfy, the list is endless! It's got to the point now where i just want to get back to ...
A. 1 April 2013: 41 weeks.. honey you are ready to pop.
you know I've heard that sex can bring on labor maybe your boyfriend can help....
and yes you are NORMAL to feel this way... I never made it to even 40 weeks with either of mine...
... (read in full...)
I have issues with my girlfriend's past
Q. Ladies, Kindly please help. I am a Virgin, She had 2 past relations. Just recently, my girlfriend told me about her past two relations: 1) She never planned to marry them nor was serious with them. It was just for fun. 2) Initially, she had tho...
A. 1 April 2013: if her past makes you sick, then do her a favor and let her find a guy who can cope with it.
I don't see anything wrong with her past. ... (read in full...)
Should I just ask him to leave my house and be civil for our son or should I try work on things?
Q. I'm mortified my partner has gone away for a weekend with a mate we have chatted every day like normal and made plans to go on a mini break together Except tonight he sent me a message asking me if we are meant to be together I asked him why he...
A. 1 April 2013: ok so things are good when you are together
he went away for a weekend with a mate... a guy I assume... a single guy? no wonder he got all drunk and pissy about wanting to be apart.
Maybe when he returns all sober and contrite you can say... (read in full...)
Should I try to support my friend or just leave her alone?
Q. Okay, I know this is a relationship type of site, but I just really wanted advice for my problem. My best friend X (girl) started going out with Y (guy) about 2 or 3 years ago, and they were a pretty hot couple. I was happy for her, but ever...
A. 1 April 2013: YOU can't make her change her behavior for you. She has to want to change it for her.
IF you have tried to be friends and she's not working with you based on your attempts, then stop rowing the boat and wait for her to come to you.
It may ... (read in full...)
So I met a girl online, was I pretty stupid putting the "friend" thing on a dating site?
Q. I am a single dad with two boys, I decided to have a try at one of the main dating sites, and a girl started messaging me, said she liked what I said on the profile. However, one of the things I wrote on there was that if I couldnt find a lover I ...
A. 1 April 2013: you are so far ahead of yourself you're falling over your own feet.
RELAX.
don't worry so much.
first of all, calling is FINE... just make sure she knows you don't like to text.... if she texts you call her back.. do not let her get in... (read in full...)
What could my fwb want to 'discuss'?
Q. Friends with 'some' benefits situation: here goes: Nov 2012: approached him, started to hang out with him, told him I liked him, he told me he liked me too. Started to send flirty text messages daily. Saw him 2wice a week. Very sexually attract...
A. 1 April 2013: You want to continue seeing him while he continues to try to have sex with you knowing he does not want to commit to an exclusive relationship.
I can see nothing but heartbreak for you in this situation OP.
... (read in full...)
My married friend's husband keeps calling me! What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone! I first wrote for help here 3 years ago with the same problem and it is still going on. My friends husband used to ring me over and over again late at night begging me to talk to him or ring him back. Sometimes he would text. This...
A. 1 April 2013: I would for sure tell the wife. It's on-going, you have asked him to stop.
If you must tell him ONE LAST TIME... IF YOU DO IT AGAIN I will SHOW your wife. YOUR choice.
then if he does it again.. yes you must tell her.
he's a dog think... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to allow my boyfriend to sleep with other girls while I'm away at College?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm eighteen years old and about to go to college. The problem is that my boyfriend doesn't want me to go, because he hasn't finished high school yet. I think it will take him three years to finish, and I don't want to go to a communit...
A. 1 April 2013: Wait so you are talking about just opening the relationship up or just looking the other way or casual dating?
Here is my take
break off the monogamous relationship but stay "friends" so that it's not an all or nothing thing.
then you a... (read in full...)
I don't want kids and I'm concerned I'll end up alone
Q. Feel like I am going to be permanently single. Been single 5 years. I don't want kids, so my dating pool is much smaller and even on online dating sites there are so few women who don't want or don't already have kids. Have lots of friends but i...
A. 1 April 2013: I know lots of women that did not want (and do not have) children. they did not want from day one as 20 somethings and were able to find men that agreed.
I also know my husband (now age 39) never wanted kids and when he met me he was fi... (read in full...)
My much younger girlfriend goes dancing with her ex boyfriend
Q. I have had a girlfriend for over six months and in all that time she has been very affectionate at times but never once said she loves me. She likes to go dancing and occasionaly has men call her and ask if shes going. Recently ske has had an ex bo...
A. 1 April 2013: As the older partner in my age gap relationship, I am normally very supportive and encouraging of age gap relationships. My husband is a mere 13 years younger than I am but I do not do anything with anyone (male or female) if he expresses a ... (read in full...)
We need a good cover story for how we met in a coffee shop, help, please!
Q. Hi, Basically me and my gf have been going out now for 3 years and we are going to get married. But first we have to tell our parents. Our parents have indian cultures. Hence we haven't told them before, because gf and bf is frowned upon. However ...
A. 1 April 2013: When you met in real life the first time where did you meet?
so that's where you met.... no lies needed... TELL THE TRUTH...
they aren't going to be happy she made her own match anyway
and for THREE YEARS she's kept a BIG important... (read in full...)
My partner says I'm too heavy for sex!
Q. We cannot have sexual intercouse because my female partner has told me that I am too heavy for her. What is the best way to lose weight? Is it a good idea for me to go to the gym? Has this been a common problem for other couples when hav...
A. 1 April 2013: If a 5’2” 300 pound woman can manage to have sex with a guy who weighs over 400 pounds anyone can manage to have sex.
Is she saying “your too ‘heavy” for me as a euphemism for “you are so overweight I don’t find you attractive anymore and don’... (read in full...)
My man's mega spend on liquor. How can I address this casually while still voicing my concerns?
Q. My husband enjoys drinking beer and will have 3 cans most nights and more on the weekend. I have just discovered the supermarket has an offer on and he has went and bulk bought spending almost £350 on beer. I'm quite alarmed to the point of sic...
A. 31 March 2013: I agree with OldBag... while it seems like a lot, if it's going to keep till he uses all of it and he saved money, then it was a great Idea.
We stock up on Alcohol and such when it's on sale. If it's something we are going to use, then it's a ... (read in full...)
What is vanilla sex?
Q. Hi What does people consider "vanilla sex"? How does mostly practise it and do you find it unattractive or not excited?...
A. 31 March 2013: ONE on ONE with the same partner (no other guests in the bedroom)
no BDSM
no role playing
I think of missionary position in the dark at bedtime which I guess for some could sound boring...... (read in full...)
Married Man Keeps Staring. How can I stop this?
Q. This married man I work with is RIDICULOUS! Im young and single. At first it was flattering, but now it just makes me feel dirty. I just started working there a month ago and he stares at me ALL the time. I wont go into too much detail but its ...
A. 29 March 2013: His not wearing a ring is not a signal... some people do not wear wedding bands and that's ok. it's their choice.
how do you know he's staring at you all the time aren't you engrossed in your work?
why do guys do this? seriously? he's... (read in full...)
I want children and what if my almost 39 year old girlfriend can't have them?
Q. I m a 40 years old man. I never had a chance to find someone who I wanted to share mylife with and have children with until a year ago. I had girlfriends but never anyone who I could marry. I m also an only child, as my mother had me in her lat...
A. 29 March 2013: ah so the real issue emerges which is you really really really want kids and she's not so sure...
and as such she will probably put you off longer and longer till POOF it's not gonna happen...
VALID fear based on what she's told you.
... (read in full...)
Ex girlfriend wants to be friends, but I'm not over her
Q. Dated exGF for about a year and a half. For a part of it we were off/on but the "off's" didn't last longer than a day or two. Anyhow, she broke off everything almost 3 months ago, but has continued to contact me, saying she still loves me but "can't ...
A. 29 March 2013: she wants to remain friends to make her self feel better.
you are PWed my man.
cut her off
tell her
ALL OR NOTHING
and stick to it.... (read in full...)
Dilemma--ex girlfriend pregnant wants me back but I'm dating someone else now
Q. Well, in late nov I met this rlly cute gurl n we really hit it off and we had sex for first weekend and we had sex again a week later n she told she took birth control. And she had her period in the same week. And then she blew me off n hurt me n we ...
A. 29 March 2013: Seriously? wow are you sure you are 30 something?
time to grow up.
Which woman do YOU like better?
As far as the first one who's pregnant goes... tell her after the baby is born you want a Paternity test and ONCE the test com... (read in full...)
He hasn't tried to hold my hand nor kiss me or anything. Should I believe him when he says he wants to be more than just a friend?
Q. A few weeks ago I met a guy and we have been hanging out 2-3 times a week since then. I'm very confused by him though. In the few short weeks we've known each other, I've met his family, we made plans months in advance, we are doing couple things b...
A. 29 March 2013: Ask him where he stands on being physical in a relationship.
If he balks about it, there may be issues he's not dealing with.
... (read in full...)
Help! My Boyfriend keeps on hanging out with this other girl. Pays no attention to me. Should I break up with him?
Q. Hey so I have a problem as my boyfriend is always hanging out with some other girl. By the way we are all in the same class. I always tell him to hang out with me but he never does. That's why I have kind of moved on from him I don't hang out with...
A. 29 March 2013: how old are you OP? it says 18-21 but i"m betting 13-15 the way you posted....
CMMP is right you don't stay with someone because they are the only boy who has ever liked you. IF he mistreats you and disrespects you, then it's time to be alone... (read in full...)
Her crush claimed, to me, that he does not like her. Should I tell her?
Q. Hey so I wanted to know how to tell my friend her crush doesn't like her. My friend and I are very close and we trust each other. Her crush rides my bus so she is always wanting me to ask him questions so I do. Once I asked him if he likes her and...
A. 29 March 2013: I would say "look I know you really like him but TRUST ME he's not interested and I no longer want to relay messages, you really need to let this go and I'm done with it"
and that's that.
when she brings him up say "I know it's sucks but ... (read in full...)
Flirts. Likes me maybe? What signs confirm if a girl likes me?
Q. I have a friend at uni who flirts with me a lot, but does it in a jokey way. I always flirt back a little, but want to find out if she actually likes me. What's a good way to find out? Whenever I flirt back I just feel I'm continuing the banter ...
A. 29 March 2013: if she's flirting she likes you.
ask her for coffee or something...... (read in full...)
I want children and what if my almost 39 year old girlfriend can't have them?
Q. I m a 40 years old man. I never had a chance to find someone who I wanted to share mylife with and have children with until a year ago. I had girlfriends but never anyone who I could marry. I m also an only child, as my mother had me in her lat...
A. 29 March 2013: oops my ex married his SECOND wife... I was the first.... (read in full...)
I want children and what if my almost 39 year old girlfriend can't have them?
Q. I m a 40 years old man. I never had a chance to find someone who I wanted to share mylife with and have children with until a year ago. I had girlfriends but never anyone who I could marry. I m also an only child, as my mother had me in her lat...
A. 29 March 2013: I'm 53 and until about a year ago I had to pass a pregnancy test for several medical procedures. Having had my tubes tied at 31 I found this funny.
Of course women can conceive and have children at 39 and 40. It may be harder but it happens ... (read in full...)
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