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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I want children and what if my almost 39 year old girlfriend can't have them?
Q. I m a 40 years old man. I never had a chance to find someone who I wanted to share mylife with and have children with until a year ago. I had girlfriends but never anyone who I could marry. I m also an only child, as my mother had me in her lat...
A. 29 March 2013: ah so the real issue emerges which is you really really really want kids and she's not so sure...
and as such she will probably put you off longer and longer till POOF it's not gonna happen...
VALID fear based on what she's told you.
... (read in full...)
Flirts. Likes me maybe? What signs confirm if a girl likes me?
Q. I have a friend at uni who flirts with me a lot, but does it in a jokey way. I always flirt back a little, but want to find out if she actually likes me. What's a good way to find out? Whenever I flirt back I just feel I'm continuing the banter ...
A. 29 March 2013: if she's flirting she likes you.
ask her for coffee or something...... (read in full...)
Is it normal to keep a chart of your sex life?
Q. I noticed in a drawer that was open, between the porn tapes, a piece of a paper. On the paper was the dates we had sex, where we had sex, the tapes we watched or did not watch and the number orgasim's I had. It appears my significant other has ...
A. 29 March 2013: The most OCD thing i do about his is note in my private journal any activity that occurred and possible the reason and/or result.
I don't have OCD but I do have ADD and I forget things and my husband will "mis-remember" so I want proof th... (read in full...)
What can I do to attract girls and still be fun to be around despite my life choices?
Q. I don't drink, smoke nor enjoy going out, this makes me boring to a lot of girls. I have no desire to do any of those activities. So what can a guy like me do to attract girls and still be fun to be around despite my life choices? ...
A. 29 March 2013: what do you like to do? You have to figure out what you like to do and do it.. then you will meet people.
I was never a drinker or a party girl so I did other things.
I joined clubs for youth, I took trips with them, I went to dances at ... (read in full...)
Want to break up with controlling boyfriend but I lost my friends, my support since he told me "you only need me."
Q. Hey everyone im 18yrs old and i been dating my boyfriend for 3yrs. Its been an off and on relationship for years. At first he was everything i always wanted gave me all his love and affection. We use to have a billion and one things to talk about ...
A. 29 March 2013: You are young. The relationship is on and off for years (not a good sign)
HE controls who you talk to… BAD SIGN
He makes you feel like you talk to much…. Not good
He calls you mean and nasty names…. REALLY… and this is love? BAD SIGN... (read in full...)
I am a virgin, girlfriend is not. I am afraid I can't measure up.
Q. I just met this girl 4 months ago and things couldn't have been better. We hit everything off perfectly. But I'll get directly to the issue. Eventually I brought up topic of previous sexual history and I asked to be honest. I'm 21 years old, only ...
A. 29 March 2013: How many times they did it is irrelevant. How old he was is irrelevant. And if he could or could not please her is irrelevant. Stop worrying about those things.
She’s 22 and has not had sex in 7 years IMO she’s practically got her v-card back... (read in full...)
What is the difference between making love and having sex?
Q. What is the difference between making love and having sex? Is it more morally right to make love rather than have sex? My BF says he could never just have sex but would like to make love (we are both 19) and just wanted thoughts please, not on us ...
A. 29 March 2013: This is clichéd but the truth is you will know. Sex is a release. Making love does not have to involve sex IMO.
My last husband and I were swingers. WE had sex with folks all the time he used to say “I make love to my wife, I have sex wit... (read in full...)
Feel unwanted and second best. Advice?
Q. Basically, I feel inferiour after an incident happened last week. And it was a real kick in the teeth for me after I have tryed to improve everything. I have always had really bad self esteem, and recently...
A. 29 March 2013: The first thing you must do is learn that what OTHERS think does not make you who you are.... YOU can't base how you feel about yourself on what someone else thinks.
BTW boys wanting to have sex with you is not about them liking you... the b... (read in full...)
I want children and what if my almost 39 year old girlfriend can't have them?
Q. I m a 40 years old man. I never had a chance to find someone who I wanted to share mylife with and have children with until a year ago. I had girlfriends but never anyone who I could marry. I m also an only child, as my mother had me in her lat...
A. 29 March 2013: oops my ex married his SECOND wife... I was the first.... (read in full...)
I want children and what if my almost 39 year old girlfriend can't have them?
Q. I m a 40 years old man. I never had a chance to find someone who I wanted to share mylife with and have children with until a year ago. I had girlfriends but never anyone who I could marry. I m also an only child, as my mother had me in her lat...
A. 29 March 2013: I'm 53 and until about a year ago I had to pass a pregnancy test for several medical procedures. Having had my tubes tied at 31 I found this funny.
Of course women can conceive and have children at 39 and 40. It may be harder but it happens ... (read in full...)
I want a FWB relationship that is exclusive with him
Q. I have a friends with 'some' benefits type of relationship going with a very hot n sexy guy. He's the hottest guy I've ever laid eyes on, and he makes me wanna just be free and not hold back in any way, or I might regret it. However, becau...
A. 29 March 2013: The whole point behind FWB is that you have no say in what he does with anyone else.
YOU want more. He does not, you asked about it and he said ‘it’s too involved just leave it” that means (to me) that he’s not interested in being exclusive with... (read in full...)
Help, dating younger guy, and he cheated
Q. I am writing for any thoughts, ideas, or help in what has become the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I started seeing a much younger guy 3.5 years ago, (he is twenty years younger). I knew from the very beginning things could only be betwe...
A. 29 March 2013: The first key was that he would not introduce you to family or friends. This alone would be a deal breaker for me IF it was supposed to be a serious relationship and not just a fun and games kind of thing.
After 3.5 years I can see why you are ... (read in full...)
I am not sure if my boyfriend is proposing or just hinting at marriage.
Q. I'm having this strong feeling in my gut but I might be wrong but my boyfriend of nearly five months kept hinting about marriage, adopting kids, living together, etc...I am not 100% sure but I think he's trying to find a way to propose in a funny ...
A. 29 March 2013: You are 16/17 and dating 5 months.. you will talk of marriage many times but a true engagement is way in the future honey. Stop looking for things that you don’t want.
He’s just talking and dreaming and that’s normal to think that the person y... (read in full...)
What did he mean "the moon is not blue"??
Q. Hi, This is only a short question but could do with peoples opinion. I was speaking to a guy I like but I didn't think he liked me back so I made a joke about setting him up with a friend of mine and he said "no you would be better but the m...
A. 29 March 2013: Once in a blue moon.... hmmm...
"no you would be better but the moon is not blue"
hmmm I guess it depends on the punctuation
you: hey i think you should go out with sally
him; NO, YOU would be better but the moon is not blue
yo... (read in full...)
How do I tell my wife I want to watch her have sex with other men?
Q. Behind The Green Door I want to watch my wife have sex with other men. And I don't know how to tell her. It's a Turn On I would love to experience. How can I tell her to bring home the boys and men?...
A. 29 March 2013: Is she even interested in the type of lifestyle you want?
I will tell you point blank I would still be happily married to my third husband had we not brought other men and women into our marital bed. We both are a bit wistful lately about... (read in full...)
Am I going through some teenager phase or could something seriously be wrong with me?
Q. Hello, let me first start off by saying I know very well that the situation I am about to explain is very unhealthy and not normal but I want some opinions and advice, thank you very much in advance for taking the time to read this. I have be...
A. 29 March 2013: "I have made my boyfriend my life."
that my dear is the crux of the problem.
boyfriends are great and they are wonderful and they can be very very very important aspects of our lives BUT NEVER make them your whole life....
You don't ... (read in full...)
Is he interested? He texts less since we met up for the first time, and he never initiates texts?
Q. Ok, so I met a guy. Coincidentally we have the same name. Not like that matters. We texted back and forth everyday for 3 weeks. We went on our first ay this past Sunday night. He was a gentleman..held open doors...etc. Didn't make a move on m...
A. 29 March 2013: I still say call him Sunday (late afternoon) if you have not heard from him to confirm the date.
then see how it goes.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has stopped putting forth effort!
Q. My boyfriend of a year and a half, with previous friendship of over two years has completely changed. Before, he used to text me literally every 5 minutes and was upset if we were unable to meet every other day. Now it seems as though he's fine when ...
A. 29 March 2013:
I know you don’t want to hear this, but at your age, it’s more than likely that the relationship is coming to an end. We change so much as we grow and mature and your boyfriend is probably trying to distance himself from you without actually havi... (read in full...)
Is he interested? He texts less since we met up for the first time, and he never initiates texts?
Q. Ok, so I met a guy. Coincidentally we have the same name. Not like that matters. We texted back and forth everyday for 3 weeks. We went on our first ay this past Sunday night. He was a gentleman..held open doors...etc. Didn't make a move on m...
A. 28 March 2013: He's not ignoring you. His need for contact is less than yours. He also has a lot on his plate. His lack of contact does not necessarily indicate a lack of interest.
When my husband and I had just started seeing each other I was insane a... (read in full...)
I miss feeling desired from my man!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and our sex life is getting me down. I feel like the chemistry is dying... I'm still trying but I'm not getting anywhere! He never initiates sex anymore, and we are only having sex maybe a couple of ...
A. 28 March 2013: I assume you are the one initiating the sex?
step one.. .stop initiating. stop asking for it.
is it that his sex drive is lower than yours?
is he using too much porn?
how is everything other than sex? is he attentive, is he affecti... (read in full...)
Help! Unwanted house guest already taking toll on relationship!
Q. Right, well me and my partner have been living together for about 11 months in our own house. His sister has just broke up with her fella on sunday and she has come to stay here.. When i agreed to this i thought it would be for a week or two. Its ...
A. 28 March 2013: Wow he would kick you out before he would kick her out?
if it's your home too (you pay rent, your name is on the lease etc) then you have some say and can talk to him.
if you just live in his home, clearly he doesn't think of you as a life pa... (read in full...)
My guy won't commit, what do I do?
Q. I met a guy online and we've been dating for 3 months. I have even met his son and hung out with them both on several occassions. About a month ago he asked me if I was happy with the way things are going. I said yes and he told me the reason he ...
A. 28 March 2013: He may change his mind but i'm thinking yeah he's just biding his time till someone better comes along.
the issue is if you feel more and want more and he's not going to give you more what do you want to do?
... (read in full...)
Am I too nice to my boyfriend?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend going on two years now, and everything (for the most part) is going well. But I'm starting to think I'm too nice to him, and that he's either taking me for granted, or maybe sees me as being too "easy" or even boring. ...
A. 28 March 2013: Do you want to play games or be yourself? If you change your behavior to “not be too subservient, clingy or available” are you making these changes to keep him, get him to commit or because you want to make these changes?
If you miss your fri... (read in full...)
Is he just not into me or could there be a real reason for not contacting me for a few days?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now, he's a few years older than me so I don't know if this is normal behaviour as I'm not used to dating! On all our dates we've had a lot of fun, enjoy each others' company, he's always such a ge...
A. 28 March 2013: ah I posted before your follow up!
can I dance around and say I told you so? (I'm kidding)
ENJOY... and please try to relax...
my husband has always said ONE of the most attractive things that CAUGHT him was that I didn't CARE if... (read in full...)
An unexpected gift from my ex: keep it or return it?
Q. I have a bit of a dilemma. I went through a messy break up with my ex. However I received a gift from her in the post. It's something I've wanted for a long time and she knows this. Should I return it or keep it? If I return it I'm kind ...
A. 28 March 2013: Honeypie asks good questions. the answers may change what I'm going to say:
I'll assume she mailed it with no return receipt requested or delivery confirmation. that being said,
if you broke up with her and it's recent, she's tryin... (read in full...)
Is he interested? He texts less since we met up for the first time, and he never initiates texts?
Q. Ok, so I met a guy. Coincidentally we have the same name. Not like that matters. We texted back and forth everyday for 3 weeks. We went on our first ay this past Sunday night. He was a gentleman..held open doors...etc. Didn't make a move on m...
A. 28 March 2013: some folks just don't like texting or talking on the phone... it may not be anything.
if you don't text him what happens? do you know? or have you ever not texted and given him the chance to contact you?
wait and see how it goes Monday.... (read in full...)
I feel like I have no other choice. He's unwilling to change. What can I do to salvage this relationship?
Q. I dont know what I can do to salvage our relationship. I have been in this relationship for 6 years now. At the beginning everything was great. Then we took the next step and I moved 5 hours away to live with him and his 5yr old daughter. Things...
A. 28 March 2013: People change. You've changed. If he can't change to match or meet your changes, then there is not much hope for the relationship.
It sounds to me like he is perfectly happy with you there or not... If he is not willing to compromise, ... (read in full...)
Should I just stay out of it, and not offer my opinion? Is it his choice alone to plan ahead, or not plan ahead?
Q. I just had a fight with my bf and I don't understand what went wrong. He's been in school for the past year and a half getting an associate degree and planning on going to a different college next. He's also 32. The argument was about why he's g...
A. 28 March 2013: Well I for one can tell you that often it does not matter what the degree is in, employers look for college graduates because it shows that you can follow through with something.
I even heard this on NPR this morning... employers will hire co... (read in full...)
She's flirting with my boyfriend right in front of me! What should I do?
Q. I have been feeling very sad and stressed out lately. I have a boyfriend of two years. For a while now, there is this girl who's mutual friends with my boyfriend and his friends. I've known her for a while and she has always had a problem with me ...
A. 28 March 2013: OP, you think she’s flirting with your boyfriend TO UPSET YOU?
The first thing I need to explain to you is that the world does NOT revolve around you and that is NOT why she’s flirting with him.
If she’s always had problems with yo... (read in full...)
Am I too nice to my boyfriend?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend going on two years now, and everything (for the most part) is going well. But I'm starting to think I'm too nice to him, and that he's either taking me for granted, or maybe sees me as being too "easy" or even boring. ...
A. 28 March 2013: Are you doing the things you do because you want to or because you think if you do them he will marry you?
Are you doing them to "be the best gf you can be" or because you want to.
I love taking care of my partner. I don't do it because ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of two years wont stay at my place
Q. I have been divorced for 3 yrs and I have two kids 4 and 13 I have been with my bf for two yrs. my xhusband and I had a two family home and when we divorced he lived in one half I lived in the other and I had the kids all day and he took them at ...
A. 28 March 2013: I have to be honest and say that
a. a ten minute morning commute beats a 40 minute commute any day of the week. I would drive ONE day a week from my now husband's home to my office and that would take about 2.5 hours it gets very wearing... (read in full...)
Why do women treat nice guys badly?
Q. hi, to all you women who say you want to meet a nice guy, but when you do, you treat him like sh.t, but a bad guy comes around you fall madly in love, you all say thats not true, but think about it,a nice guy you know what hes going to say, what hes ...
A. 28 March 2013: I’m your age and I don’t think your statement is accurate.
The problem with “nice” guys is that they take it too far… there’s NICE and then there is DOORMAT
What most woman want:
A man who is well groomed (that means clean, neat, reasona... (read in full...)
Is it the wrong time to be marrying with dating sites in the background?
Q. I am getting married in June. Two years ago I found her to be going on dating sites. First she lied about it, and then admitted she did it for a joke. I caught her doing it again and I left that time. We got back after she begged me and promised she ...
A. 28 March 2013: "i don't think she's doing it to meet men"
really then why is she doing it?
How can an adult woman NOT realize that going on dating sites when you are in a committed relationship is wrong?
And how can an adult male accept that line a... (read in full...)
Is he just not into me or could there be a real reason for not contacting me for a few days?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now, he's a few years older than me so I don't know if this is normal behaviour as I'm not used to dating! On all our dates we've had a lot of fun, enjoy each others' company, he's always such a ge...
A. 28 March 2013: So did you call him?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's friend hates me, why?
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, and was introduced to him by his friend.. Lets name him Bob. Bob and my boyfriend were good friends when they were younger, then drifted apart, but since me and my boyfriend have been together th...
A. 28 March 2013: The problem is not Bob. The problem is your boyfriend.
Bob is behaving badly but the only person you need to care about is your boyfriend's behavior and if he's disrepecting you while with his friend, that's all you need to know.
If Bo... (read in full...)
I am very much assuming she has already asked someone else to go with her...do I have the right to be at all mad about this?
Q. I've been feeling a little down recently over my girlfriend not inviting me out with her and she hasn't been spending an awful lot of time with me. This April she is going away one weekend with some friends and then the week after she is going on...
A. 28 March 2013: I'm sensing that your girlfriend is wanting out of the relationship but is not sure how to do it.
she's cutting you out of her birthday celebration, parties with friends etc...
NO it's not fair enough that she takes friends but not her partner.... (read in full...)
My husband constantly criticises me. How can I get him to stop and show me more respect?
Q. I have married and moved in with my husband within the past year. I'm finding he constantly criticises me, mimics what i say or actions i do (sneeze, cough). I'm nearly scared to speak. I've told him to cut it out but he just laughs says if I did ...
A. 28 March 2013: My husband says things all the time and I tend to take it as criticism. We’ve talked about it and I have found out that it’s NOT meant to be critical but his TONE comes across that way. I’ve learned to let a lot of what he says roll off my ... (read in full...)
She says she knows what she wants and won't settle for less, is this why she's still single at 42?
Q. So I have been dating someone that is 42,never married and no kids.She is a very smart person,has a great job,has alot to offer.She says that she wants a relationship and hasnt been in too many.Then tells me she has dated alot but they only seem to ...
A. 28 March 2013: She may be too picky... or maybe she just hasn't met her mate yet
we have friends who just got married in September first time for both bride and groom... Bride is 40 groom is 52. My husband just married me as his first marriage at age 39..... (read in full...)
For females, are squirting and orgasms two separate things or when a female squirts is that the orgasm?
Q. For females, are squirting and orgasms two separate things or when a female squirts is that the orgasm?? I have squirted three times but don't ever remember feeling that big "O" moment where my body shook uncontrollably.. I don't know if I've tru...
A. 28 March 2013: I have squirted ONCE in my life... I did not orgasm at the time.
... (read in full...)
What do I do about this ring intended for my ex?
Q. Hey all, I have what I think is an unusual question. For Christmas 2012 I bought my then girlfriend a ring. Not an engagement ring, but a little bit of an expensive ring that has a heart made out of rubies filled in with diamonds. Well her and I ...
A. 28 March 2013: Do not give it to her. She won’t be reminded of what she walked away from. She will probably pawn or sell it.
If you don’t care about the money I like Tisha’s suggestion that you return it and donate the money to a charity you like.
... (read in full...)
She's detached, doesn't like sex, won't work on counseling, doesn't want to split, I'm confused, what do I do?
Q. my wife has been detached for maybe past 3-4 years emotionally. She will not kiss me or when we have sex might as well be using a doctor scrub outfit. just very maybe agonizing for her, i ask her why and she says shes just very angry with me which ...
A. 28 March 2013: why is ending the unhappiness HER choice and HER responsibility.
Clearly she wants out but is too much of a wuss to do it.
You are not happy, she is not happy, she won't work on making it better or getting happy... why bother to stay?
... (read in full...)
How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip?
Q. I've been waitressing at a restaurant for a few months. I've noticed that certain regulars don't leave tip regardless of service. And of course there are occasional customers that don't tip at all. How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip? ...
A. 28 March 2013: this-is-me writes of a person paying for a 5 dollar meal with a 20 dollar bill and not being given change. THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN around here. A good server would have brought change that gave lots of singles so as to hint about getting a tip... ... (read in full...)
Is he just not into me or could there be a real reason for not contacting me for a few days?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now, he's a few years older than me so I don't know if this is normal behaviour as I'm not used to dating! On all our dates we've had a lot of fun, enjoy each others' company, he's always such a ge...
A. 27 March 2013: HE TOLD YOU.. his friend is coming to visit. IF this is a female friend I'd be nervous...
stop playing games and over thinking this and pick up the phone and call him.. you can start with "just touching base I know your friend is coming t... (read in full...)
How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip?
Q. I've been waitressing at a restaurant for a few months. I've noticed that certain regulars don't leave tip regardless of service. And of course there are occasional customers that don't tip at all. How can I ask my customers politely to leave tip? ...
A. 27 March 2013: when we get good service we tip 20% no matter what the bill is. ON GREAT service we tip 25% On Xmas we tipped nearly 50%.
bad service we tip 15%
Oh and part of our issue is I am a very small eater so we tend to tip on what I WOULD hav... (read in full...)
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