Why would my partner text to his ex "there is nothing here" regarding our relationship
Q. Hi, me and my partner have been together 10 years his previous partner he was with for 15 years. I was looking at his messages and found a message where he stated to her that there is nothing here for him and I have questioned him on this but so far ...
A. 12 August 2019: Are you judging a 10 year relationship on ONE message where he sort of "whines" to his ex-gf?
And why?
Figure out if he is RIGHT in his assessment and if the relationship is still viable or .. if this is a dead horse you are both flogging be... (read in full...)
Do I let people set me up for dates?
Q. So its been quite sometime since I left DC.And I really wish I came back with some better news, but hey life is life and it doesnt always go your way. So on with it. Its been over 6 months since I said to myself that I wanted to start dating aga...
A. 4 June 2019: Thanks for the update, Sam :)
I think it was good that you ASKED her yourself. Because you ARE an adult and should be able to "pick and choose" who you want to date.
I think if you two get along it might be nice to ask her out. IF you think she... (read in full...)
Do I let people set me up for dates?
Q. So its been quite sometime since I left DC.And I really wish I came back with some better news, but hey life is life and it doesnt always go your way. So on with it. Its been over 6 months since I said to myself that I wanted to start dating aga...
A. 27 May 2019: And Sam, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, tell them to STOP.
At 24 you are HARDLY so old or on the shelf :)
As for blind dates in general... I have been on 2, back in my 20's - BOTH disasters lol. I don't know WHAT the people who set m... (read in full...)
He wants us to go back to "friends" after being so keen to start with.
Q. I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months, initially he was so keen and was talking about our future, plans, and meeting friends/family, but this has completely changed recently! He knew from the start that my father had cancer, which he...
A. 25 May 2019: I think he is just giving you space to deal with your Dad and his illness.
He might feel that (for you) this isn't the BEST time to get into a relationship and he doesn't want to take advantage since you are in a sort of vulnerable time in your ... (read in full...)
Something is not right in this relationship with my older boyfriend
Q. Hi aunt's. I recently came back from a 3 month vacation and have been indoors and kind of claustrophobic. I live with my current bf and we've been together for a little over a year now. I saw him dressing up today and asked him where he was going ...
A. 25 May 2019: So what that his ex is 40? HER age has nothing to do with your BF's actions.
He doesn't WANT to introduce you to his friends. You have to ask yourself why.
Is he seeing someone else? Is he pretending to be single? Maybe YOUR age is the issue... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I want to get to know my older tutor better?
Q. I feel as though this question may seem weird because I have been thinking it sounds weird or just not right or that i shoudnt be feeling what I do . I recently decided to do a 3 week comedy course and its ended now and I really enjoyed it . it ...
A. 25 May 2019: If I were you, I'd do a little "online sleuthing" before making contact. He might be married and if he is... then no, not a great idea to seek him out.
If he is single, then you can ALWAYS contact him and thank him for a really good learning... (read in full...)
Do I let people set me up for dates?
Q. So its been quite sometime since I left DC.And I really wish I came back with some better news, but hey life is life and it doesnt always go your way. So on with it. Its been over 6 months since I said to myself that I wanted to start dating aga...
A. 25 May 2019: Someone trying to set you up CAN means she is interested as well, but that isn't always a given.
Do you talk to her in passing? Say hi, how are you? If not, I would start there BEFORE agreeing to be set up with her. Best way to gauge if she coul... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is divorced but still treats matters as though he is married
Q. First I want to apologize for my English. Well my story is very simple. I have a boyfriend, who lives with me 1 year ago and we are together for almost 2 years. When I met him, he was separated to almost 3 years but he still married and promised me ...
A. 24 May 2019: So he REALLY doesn't WANT to divorce.
Basically, he is living with his mistress (you) and playing family when it SUITS him. Best of both Worlds?
I think you mistake was to start dating someone who WASN'T (and still isn't) fully divorced. If he ... (read in full...)
I don't understand the change in his behaviour
Q. I started talking to a friend of friend online and connected instantly . It’s been years since I actually found a conversation with someone so connecting . We used to text all the time and this went about for almost a month . He is from my city but ...
A. 24 May 2019: I too agree with N91
He didn't want to lead you on. So he felt there was no point to continuing. My guess is that he READ you as already sort of having a crush and he felt it was best to back off.
The problem with connecting to someone over tex... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...
A. 24 May 2019: While I think it's ALWAYS smart to consider a partner's feelings when it comes to friends of the opposite sex, I also FIRMLY believe that NO partner has the "right" to make demands on WHO we can befriend and stay friends with.
Generally, I think ... (read in full...)
Isn’t it unfair for my life-long friend to put our relationship on hold?
Q. I have a question that has been bothering me. We are both 26. I have a childhood friend whom I went to school with. We have spent everyday day of our lives together, and as life is coming to a crucial stage (soon we will be with kids, lifes change, ...
A. 24 May 2019: No one is saying you HAVE to cut him off from now on, maybe just put in AS much (or little) effort as HE does and see where it goes.
No, new friends won't know as much about you as this old friend, nor do they NEED to in order to be your friend. ... (read in full...)
Does he need to see a doctor?!?
Q. I believe I have found the love of my life and started having sex with him the beginning of this year. There is only one problem. I feel he is emotionally very distant after sex. I would like to cuddle after sex but he immediately falls asleep after ...
A. 24 May 2019: Biologically and evolutionary, he IS kind of right.
Women usually get energized by sex/climax, men gets tired. I would suspect it was (from an evolutionary standpoint) so that a female could get away after mating.
However, I think someone wh... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stares at and approaches other women, it makes me uncomfortable.
Q. my boyfriend keeps looking at other women when we are out and ive seen him literally turn his neck to side and stare for ages at other women also he goes up to women on theyre own and chats to them about anything usually starting with theyre dog to ...
A. 23 May 2019: Jebus, OP
WHY are you still with him if he "FORCES" you to have sex?
What is wrong with you?!
It's more hurtful that he looks at other woman but NOT forcing you to have sex?
You are not going to HAVE a healthy relationship when you AC... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is divorced but still treats matters as though he is married
Q. First I want to apologize for my English. Well my story is very simple. I have a boyfriend, who lives with me 1 year ago and we are together for almost 2 years. When I met him, he was separated to almost 3 years but he still married and promised me ...
A. 23 May 2019: People handle divorces differently, there isn't ONE and only one way to do thing post divorce.
He might be helping with bills now that the she no longer get child-support. It might just to HELP her adjust to her new level of "income". If he paid ... (read in full...)
I think I was used by this person and now they got what they wanted they dropped me
Q. Hi, over the last 7 months I have become very friendly with a former work colleague. During this time I have given up a large portion of my time helping them getting a new job. I would spend my time going through job specifications with them and ...
A. 23 May 2019: I have to agree with the rest of the answer as well.
You made a CHOICE to take this time to help them and you REALLY made a difference for this person. It's now up to them to see where THEY can take it.
Did they use you? Yes, and no.
You ... (read in full...)
Why did he suddenly back off?
Q. Hi I wondered if you could give your thoughts on why this man has suddenly stopped texting me - January he messaged me started texting frequently and then one night after a higher out he rang and told me he liked me and would I go out for a drink ...
A. 23 May 2019: I think you DID the right thing is pulling the breaks.
If he had JUST split from his wife, he is STILL married and BARELY even separated. A separations is a time for REFLECTION and consideration for one's future and goals. NOT for dating, IMHO.
... (read in full...)
I have overwhelming urges to kiss my friend
Q. I’ve been best friends with my friend for 3 years now and we spend a lot of time together but recently I’ve started getting overwhelming urges that I want to kiss her. She’s never indicated she feels the same way as we are both girls but I can’t see ...
A. 22 May 2019: No, just no.
Get a grip.
She seems like she is straight and looking to DATE a man so you deciding that maybe planting a kiss on her will magically change her sexual preference or how she sees you (as a friend) - it's unrealistic. And... (read in full...)
I can't stand my partner's family but I can't ask him to give them up. What can I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for some years now. We have 3 children together. He has 4, another from a previous relationship that he never gets to see because things ended badly. So when we first got together, he vaguely referenced his family b...
A. 22 May 2019: Talk to him.
While I agree that you can't really ask/demand him to give up his family, YOU yourself can CHOOSE to no longer interact with them.
He can still go see them. If they are good to the kids, the kids can still visit too. YOU on the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend dumped me he said he couldn't be himself with me
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, like every couple weve had our ups and downs but love each other greatly. We were living together and decided to not renew our lease because we wanted to buy a house together s...
A. 21 May 2019: So it took him 2 years to decide you weren't the one he wanted to build a future with. IT happens. Some take 6 months, some 6 years to figure that out.
ACCEPT it for what it is.
He didn't like being called out. No one does. But his way of handl... (read in full...)
He talks about sex but never performs. Is he gay?
Q. I have been with a man for 15 months, We are both in our mid 50s . He says he loves me but he has NO passion. He kisses me but they are little pecks. He will some time kiss my neck and when I am feeling a little excited, he pushes me away. He says ...
A. 21 May 2019: OP, your problem is that you "think" this is about you. It's not. HE can't keep an erection and is worried that he can't perform to satisfy you overall, for ALL his bravado.
If you are OK with with only HEARING about having sex, then stay and enjo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stares at and approaches other women, it makes me uncomfortable.
Q. my boyfriend keeps looking at other women when we are out and ive seen him literally turn his neck to side and stare for ages at other women also he goes up to women on theyre own and chats to them about anything usually starting with theyre dog to ...
A. 21 May 2019: Tehre is nothing to FIX here, OP
OTHER then decide if this behavior is a deal breaker for you or not. If it is, TAKE him up on the offer of calling it quits.
This isn't him being ABUSIVE- people toss the word around like candy. THIS is him bein... (read in full...)
I don't know how to deal with people who ignore other's worries while making theirs sound worse than they are
Q. How do you all deal with people who like to make a mountain out of their molehill and when they encounter people who have actually overcome a mountain they act uncomfortable or belittle that person's experience? It's so upsetting to have a serious ...
A. 20 May 2019: How do you deal with it?
By not joining in the "who has it worst race" - You might have gone through more stuff, but you are HERE. It made you stronger, you are a victim no longer but a survivor.
If someone TRIES to "belittle" what you have be... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stares at and approaches other women, it makes me uncomfortable.
Q. my boyfriend keeps looking at other women when we are out and ive seen him literally turn his neck to side and stare for ages at other women also he goes up to women on theyre own and chats to them about anything usually starting with theyre dog to ...
A. 20 May 2019: This is who he is.
He doesn't even want to admit it, so the likelihood of him being more aware of HOW his behavior makes you feel is closer to zero.
One thing you CAN try is when ever you are together and he does the "break neck" thing out ... (read in full...)
Why would my partner text to his ex "there is nothing here" regarding our relationship
Q. Hi, me and my partner have been together 10 years his previous partner he was with for 15 years. I was looking at his messages and found a message where he stated to her that there is nothing here for him and I have questioned him on this but so far ...
A. 20 May 2019: I have to agree with Youcannotbeserious
Either this is true and you have been ignoring the fact that the relationship IS dead in the water or he is hoping to get some "sympathy" from his ex. Be that in words or deeds.
Either way, you need to... (read in full...)
I feel so alone and I'm so scared of being abandoned.
Q. I'm wanting some advice about a few issues right now and a bit of perhaps on guidance on what to do next or how to make the next decision on the next chapter. I'm currently in a small city in the UK and I've been struggling with mental health is...
A. 19 May 2019: Maybe what you REALLY need to do is face your fear and not leave up to your BF to determine your future. Especially if he is a little or lot unsure of the two of you.
So my advice would be:
LOOK for another job - preferably somewhere, where... (read in full...)
Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?
Q. Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...
A. 19 May 2019: He got burned the first time, of course he is more careful before jumping in. However, he is also judging "all" women by ONE woman's actions which isn't fair.
His job is to look out for himself, first, then family, friends, partner etc.
Though ... (read in full...)
My partner avoids me, but says there is nothing wrong.
Q. Hi people I really need some advice I’ve been with my partner for 6 years we have a 4 year old daughter I have a son from a previous relationship we’ve been having problems this last year I caught him watching porn which normally would not of ...
A. 19 May 2019: Have you told him straight out that you FEEL like there is no relationship, no intimacy and really NO point in being together when all he does is avoid you?
You have to look at what you have with him and decide am I fulfilled here?
Is he a... (read in full...)
Passing ships in the night but I can't get him out of my head
Q. Help. I don't think I'm gonna hear from this guy again. I really fell for this lad on my adult training course. He's a bit younger than myself, but we sat together and flirted a lot and even caught each other staring at each other from time to time, ...
A. 19 May 2019: You didn't have feelings for each other, you were ATTRACTED to each other. BIG difference.
You don't know the guy. You know that there was chemistry going on but other then that? You don't know. He might HAVE a GF/partner and therefore CHOSE to... (read in full...)
Why are men so cruel? Is that the way of the world?
Q. I’ve asked for help in the past and am very grateful. Which is why i’m Asking again. As I need to process something clearly. I am 44 years old. Divorced twice ( arranged marriage in Asia and an alcoholic husband in the UK). I have worked all ...
A. 19 May 2019: OP don't make the mistake of LETTING others direct your path in life.
If you don't feel this "thing" is going in the direction YOU want and that he has YOU on standby, then WISH him well and BLOCK all contact. YOU DON'T have to still talk to him a... (read in full...)
How do I get stronger? Ex cheated on me I ended things
Q. So I found out my ex cheated on me this Monday. We had a lot of problems throughout our relationship, so many that I lose count. We had an argument last Thursday he was bottling up a lot inside it turned out he didn’t like I was friends with my ex, ...
A. 18 May 2019: Just start by letting him go and cutting ALL contact with him.
There is nothing here to fix with him.
He is putting ALL the blame on you, even though he know his own behavior is questionable if not downright super inappropriate for someone in a... (read in full...)
My best friend says he's in love with me after his break up but I don't feel the same way
Q. My best friend has recently been dumped by his girlfriend of three years, this is the first time he’s been single his entire since he was 16 and was naturally cut up about it. However after about a week he’s told me that he doesn’t care any more ...
A. 18 May 2019: I do think you are right that these are rebound feelings and wanting to not be alone.
I would simply BE honest with him that YOU don't feel the same way and if that means giving him space then do so.
Even if it's NOT "rebound feelings" I STIL... (read in full...)
We're both unhappy in our marriages and have a long history. Should we have sex?
Q. When I was a teenager While visiting family i met a boy, through high school we crushed back and forth on each other secretly and living in different ends of the country made it impossible for anything to happen. As young adults be told me he liked ...
A. 18 May 2019: This will fix nothing.
It will make your marriage even rockier.
No one is EVER 100% happy in their marriage ALL the time. That is unrealistic.
If you don't see a way for you and your husband to FIX what isn't working, then maybe you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is very casual about his daughters' privacy and I find it very very odd
Q. Ive been seeing a guy who's super awesome. We're both single parents of two girls each. They stay the night frequently. My girls are 9 and 13, his are 9 and 11. Despite having lived in an all girl house for the last 5 years or so, my daughters and ...
A. 18 May 2019: Nope, nope and nope.
The girls are ALL old enough to bathe themselves and dress themselves and honestly.. if they don't know how to WIPE their bums by now... I just don't know.
I don't think my dad really helped me change clothes ever. As... (read in full...)
My husband looks at young women in porn and tells me I should just be happy he's still having sex with me despite my shortcomings
Q. My husband looks at porn of women around 18- 20 . I’m entering menopause and feeling extremely depressed about my changes to my body such as less elasticity and lubrication wrinkles etc . I’m fit and healthy but nothing makes me as young as the ...
A. 17 May 2019: Is HE as fit as he was when you first started dating? As firm and handsome?
I bet not.
Not that it matters much, this has more to do with ATTITUDE and respect.
I guess he thinks he is hilarious. That he is saying it as a joke, but the thing... (read in full...)
I'm completely infatuated with a married man who's my boyfriend's friend!
Q. I just need someone to tell me that I’m crazy and maybe give me some advice on how to move on. I feel like I’m a high school girl! I’m 21 and I’m completely infatuated with a 40 year old married man who also happens to be very close with my ...
A. 17 May 2019: I think if this has gone on for 3 years it's about time you get a grip.
When you start fantasizing/daydreaming you NIP that in the bud and "change the subject" and you KEEP doing that EVERY TIME he crops into your head. It needs to stop.
... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have sex with my aunt who's now divorced from my uncle?
Q. My non-biological aunt and I are considering a sexual relationship. She divorced my uncle about 8 months ago and got completely cut off from my family until I messaged her. We have gone on a few "dates" and been sexual but only with our hands (i.e. ...
A. 17 May 2019: I'm with Code Warrior,
What good id going to come of this? It's not like your family is going to welcome her with open arms because you are now "dating" her.
"This is a monumentally stupid idea." AMEN to that.
You do know that HALF the world... (read in full...)
Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?
Q. Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...
A. 17 May 2019: My oldest brother in law married a young woman after having dated for 3 months because he has knocked her up.
It's what was expected, in a way. I don't think there was a lot of love going on there AT ALL. She was an addict and he spend the firs... (read in full...)
How do I calm down during foreplay?
Q. I'm very new to the world of sex, having never been in a relationship before. I now have a girlfriend who is equally as inexperienced. We've never actually had intercourse but I was wondering what people actually do during sex/foreplay when it comes ...
A. 16 May 2019: I agree with the condom, it also cuts down a tad on the sensitivity.
And it's a GOOD habit to get into to USE condoms EVERY time. Nothing is 100% safe, but it's a LOT safer when using condoms correctly.
You don't stop the fun just because you... (read in full...)
I don't want my ex to go back with his former ex!
Q. My ex and I split up 3 months ago. We have 2 children together that he still sees regular;y. I didnt want to split and I still love him but we argued too much and our relationship became so toxic it had to end. But now his ex-fiance, who h...
A. 16 May 2019: Whether he gets back with her or not is OUT of your control and really... NON of your business. YOU can't dictate WHO he can date, be friends with, sleep with, get in a relationship with.
JUST like HE can't DICTATE who you at some point might da... (read in full...)
What would you do with a partner like mine?
Q. Hi I’ve been with my partner now for 5 years and I honestly don’t know how I have put up with it for so long he puts everyone before me if someone rings him to do summat such as painting or anything like that he’s there I ask him he does it months ...
A. 16 May 2019: What would I do?
End it. What is there to build ANY kind of future on?
You are the live in maid. You probably help with the bills, which is convenient for him. But you aren't a priority.
You are in your 30's shouldn't your relations... (read in full...)
Do we change our views in regards to relationships as we get older?
Q. Silly question maybe but in terms of how you are as a person do we change all that much from the ages of twenty to forty when it comes to how we view relationships? My partner says he didn't know what love was, had nothing to compare it to, looks ...
A. 16 May 2019: Sure.
We all live and learn. Relationships is something you LEARN by doing. LOVE is something so abstract for many people that they really can't define it unless they have encountered different variations of it.
Love for your children, your p... (read in full...)
I can't get over him, we had sex once but he has a girlfriend
Q. A year ago I fell in love with someone who had a girlfriend. After months of building sexual tension, we had sex once, after which he told his girlfriend. She told him never to contact me again. For a few months he didn't, then he got back in touch. ...
A. 16 May 2019: I think if you really cared about the GF you wouldn't have had sex with him at all. That is about a day late and a dollar short of thinking you did the "right thing" here. Though AFTER the cheating you did grow a set and stopped talking to him, so ... (read in full...)
Why can’t he say that promise when I’m having an anxiety attack?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We we've been together since school. We live each other very much but last year my anxiety got worse which nearly resulted in us breaking up. When this happened I went through a period of ...
A. 15 May 2019: I know dealing with panic attacts and anxiety is hard, but you HAVE to learn to RELY on yourself for this, it is NOT your BF's job to LIE to you and soothe your insecurity.
The more you MAKE a big deal out of this, the more you push him away.
... (read in full...)
How do I deal with his mind games?
Q. Hi guys, I've recently ended my 7 year marriage due to my husband being emotionally abusive towards me (constantly asking me where I've been, who I've been with, telling me how I should feel, gaslighting me, not letting me go to sleep until I've...
A. 15 May 2019: Honestly?
I think you are trying to do the best thing for your son, however... I don't think it's the BEST for you.
I would suggest that you CUT down the time you spend with or around your soon-to-be-ex as much as possible.
Don't do the we... (read in full...)
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