Friend inviting me on holiday and professional/personal boundaries.
Q. Two situations I need help with, that involve professional/personal blurring amongst gay men: - I have this friend; he is very well connected in the art world. He is friends with a hotel owner, who has offered him a full paid up trip in Europe, ...
A. 29 July 2019: Asking him about separate beds was a nice way to gather information without presuming he wanted sex (which he obviously did) and thus you can make your choice based on that.
There is nothing RUDE though in making presumptions (we ALL do it ALL t... (read in full...)
My husband is extremely insecure and wants to change
Q. My husband is extremely insecure. The weird thing is, I've always admired him for his confidence, humor, and many other wonderful traits. He was very direct in asking me out and always made me feel important. We've been together for three years ...
A. 27 July 2019: Bring him along when going out with friend?
Maybe not EVERY time, but so he can SEE what you all do, who is there and fell like he is part of it too.
I think it's healthy for couples to have friends and a social life that doesn't JUST rev... (read in full...)
We broke up but he said he wanted to be there for me but now he's acting insensitive and I'm confused
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me because he moved to another country to pursue his MBA. The context is that we have been in a long distance for sometime in the middle as well. He was depressed at the time and not much was wo...
A. 27 July 2019: BLOCK all his social media and CUT all contact, it doesn't benefit EITHER of you to keep in contact. SERIOUSLY.
HE IS rubbing his social life in your face. Because YOU didn't want to play along with his "let's be friends and get all the benefits... (read in full...)
Friend inviting me on holiday and professional/personal boundaries.
Q. Two situations I need help with, that involve professional/personal blurring amongst gay men: - I have this friend; he is very well connected in the art world. He is friends with a hotel owner, who has offered him a full paid up trip in Europe, ...
A. 27 July 2019: Situation #1
Just be UPFRONT and tell your friend:" hey I'd love to travel with you and be good company but I'm not looking for anything sexual, I want to be upfront so you can CHOOSE if you rather bring another friend/companion".
He isn't a fr... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's hoarder sist.er wont move out
Q. My girlfriends sister (41) will not move out! My girlfriend (28) and I (27) have been together for about three years...for most of that we have lived together. The first year my girlfriend rented and I moved in with her and not long after her s...
A. 27 July 2019: You and your GF bought the house together so HALF of it is yours, right?
Which means YOU have as much RIGHT to have a say as to WHO can live there and what they have to contribute.
I think you NEED to tell your GF this isn't working for you ... (read in full...)
What are the chances they are having an emotional affair?
Q. We purchased a home for my son and his fiancée and their daughter with his trust. We have been renovating the home to have it ready for them by August . I noticed my husband becoming more and more distant and him working different hours than he ...
A. 26 July 2019: Let's do a little statistics here:
American's ON AVERAGE sends 94 messages per day. Which is 2,820 a month. And you say they are sending 5,000 a month?
Young Americans send almost ten times as many texts as Americans over 55.
If you made ... (read in full...)
He said he had been celibate but after we had sex he told me he had herpes.
Q. I'm so afraid right now.Here's a summary of what happened. I recently connected with my ex and we attempted to be intimate but he could not become aroused,he said it was because he was nervous and that he hadn't had sex in 4 years. I found it really ...
A. 26 July 2019: IF he had told you would you have had sex with him?
And why on Earth didn't you use protection anyways? I get that you thought he wouldn't LIE to you, but saying he was celibate for 4 years isn't the same as saying he didn't have sex with a few or... (read in full...)
A girl I like has told me she might get back with her ex, should I tell her again, how I feel?
Q. I met a girl who at that time told me that she is still not over her ex boyfriend and wanted to take it as friends for the time being if that is acceptable with me. She seemed cool and I was okay with that at that point. We started as friends and ...
A. 26 July 2019: My advice?
Don't. You became friends with her in HOPES of becoming more, she doesn't WANT that with you. Otherwise she wouldn't have suggested "friendship" and she wouldn't be looking to get back with her ex.
Spare yourself the rejection, wish ... (read in full...)
When do I explain to this man about my health?
Q. Hi, I've been ghsv1 positive for about a year or 2 now and have had perhaps 2 or 3 very very mild outbreaks since my initial diagnosis. A while ago I got out of a serious relationship (with the guy who have it to me) and I started talking ...
A. 25 July 2019: I would tell him now. It's not like you have bubonic plague, you have herpes.
TALK to your doctor to learn how to BEST prevent passing it on to someone else.
If telling him now means he doesn't WANT to meet up, it might be easier for YOU, ... (read in full...)
Am I a creep for still feeling the same way about her that I did 2 years ago?
Q. Hi all. Any advice about my situation is much appreciated. To give some context, I'm 16 years old and have recently finished GCSE's, soon to begin studying an animal management course in college. Over the course of school, me and my best friend s...
A. 25 July 2019: Nothing came of it two years ago, I don't think anything will now either. Her "signs" her USELESS in this circumstance.
I think she has decided that she rather keep you as a friend than pursue anything romantic. OR she would have told you that she... (read in full...)
My husband spends large amounts of money on prayer and food for God. I find this strange
Q. Thanks for your advice My husband does things that I find someone concerning. He is from Africa and he spends large amounts of money on prayer and eats food with God only knows what is in it. When I tell him to pray without giving these peo...
A. 25 July 2019: I don't think you really can (explain your point of view without offending him and his beliefs).
You two have different belief systems.
Does it sound like a scam to those who don't believe in voodoo? Yes. For those who DO, however, it's pa... (read in full...)
Why are these 2 men acting this way to me?
Q. Here's the sitch: I work at a large department store. Associates flirt and date constantly, so there's no stigma about it where I work. I had an eye contact flirtation going on for awhile with a security guy(B). He'd always do his rounds to pu...
A. 25 July 2019: Who knows?
No use in speculations, OP it won't do any good to play some immature guessing game.
None of us can read minds - neither can you.
B sounds like a drama llama. And M is just having fun.
I would NOT try and READ more into this ... (read in full...)
Why do some men perceive women as entertainment
Q. Why do some men perceive women as entertainment . I’ve seen this attitude from so many men and even seen it stated here on this round that women are men’s entertainment . Why do some Men think women are here solely for their viewing pleasure...
A. 24 July 2019: Who knows?
They probably don't SEE it as women are not equal to them, rather that they ENJOY good looking women.
I think YOU are making the presumption that they see woman as you describe.
Also, in some cultures women are STILL viewed a... (read in full...)
The way my boyfriend acts makes me feel insecure
Q. I’ve been dating a guy for a year now. He’s practically very committed - helps me out around my home, is great with my three year old (loves spending time with him), and talks openly about our future. In 30, have a great job and my own home and he ...
A. 24 July 2019: OP I see a few things here.
One, I think you read MORE into little things that has no meaning. As in, her texting him about work. They work together so that is going to happen. He isn't hiding it and was completely transparent wanting to show you... (read in full...)
Why do I feel offended my BF wants to take an enhancement pill?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been working our arses off these past few months and have planned a dirty weekend away together in a few weeks. We’ve hardly seen each other in that time because we’ve been so busy with work, family and events like weddings ...
A. 24 July 2019: Why not suggest that he "saves" the pill to when he can't keep up with you? I mean let's say this pill will give him erection after erection... at some point, YOU might WANT a break, you might be too sore. If he can keep up with you WITHOUT the ... (read in full...)
My relationship is good, except for the sex.
Q. Hello. I am in a relationship with a guy for 4 months now. He is a really nice person. We always connect on so many levels. He loves me and i love him too. He understands me and supports me. He is like a backbone. He is very romantic and very loyal ...
A. 24 July 2019: I agree with Code Warrior too,
This might not be something you want to compromise on. However, sex is not something people are born being good at. It's something that with the RIGHT partner can improve on VASTLY. The better you know your partner,... (read in full...)
5 months into our relationship and partner is dragging his feet filing for divorce from wife.
Q. A guy I've known over the years went through a split up with his wife. He was staying at my brothers house but it was crowded there so i told him he could stay with me. I just so happened to be searching for a roommate to help out. It wasn't long ...
A. 24 July 2019: I am generally not a fan of ultimatums mostly because when people MAKE them they don't really think they might HAVE to follow though and it leave an ultimatum useless.
You shouldn't HAVE to push for him to divorce her.
You should however c... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to a married man at work and need to rebuild the boundaries.
Q. A gentleman in my workplace has been increasingly attentive. He is a little older and happily married. I love having a strong work ally I respect him and his commitment to his family. I have found myself having thoughts about him. At points I wond...
A. 24 July 2019: Maybe you should TRY and look for romance outside of the work place.
That way if you find someone who CAN actually BE a partner in life, someone who is SINGLE like you that you can build a future with, this older coworker will be less tempting... (read in full...)
My partner is into beastiality
Q. My partner is into beastialiy Not sure how to deal with this one? I have known for some time that my partner of 6 years has always watched porn and I can’t say I was thrilled about it but I put up with it. Now I’ve recently discovered that ...
A. 23 July 2019: I'd say that is a TOTAL turn of for me. While I get porn is a "fantasy" there are just certain "genres" that would be deal breakers for me... children, dead people and animals. All who CAN NOT consent.
Is he SICK though? I don't know. I makes me... (read in full...)
Its hard for me to be around my husband's friends when I don't feel accepted
Q. Hello! I've been fixating on a problem lately and I was hoping to get some advice. My husband and I are very different -- which is great, and it's one of the many reasons why I fell in love with him. But because we're so different, our i...
A. 23 July 2019: Be who you are.
While it's good to try and get out of your comfort zone a bit every now and then, it's ALSO good to KNOW who you are and be OK with who you are.
And you need a little chat with your husband. He shouldn't whine about you to his... (read in full...)
I think I made a mistake getting married. Any advice?
Q. Thanks for your opinions So, I'm feeling a bit frustrated. My husband lives a lavish lifestyle and he lives to impress his buddies. It's almost like he buys their friendship. Our mindsets are very different. He is from a different culture. Where ...
A. 23 July 2019: Talk to your family, if you are close.
You say he is from a different "culture" - which is yours and which is his? Easier for me to give advice.
BUT I can give you this general advice. TELL him no. Don't give him a dime. He has known ALL year w... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is repulsing me.
Q. This is going to sound really bad, but i am starting to get really repulsed by my bf. We broke up breifly this yr n got bk together for the kids but i still feel the same. I see him like a friend, no spark, nothing in common anymore and i honestly ...
A. 23 July 2019: Considering that HE will likely NOT change. Is this how you want your kids to see as the "standard" for relationships? Is this really the "best" for the kids?
You don't love him, you find him gross. Trust me, KIDS are like little sponges that hea... (read in full...)
My Baby Daddy never follows through on promises, how can I make him happy?
Q. I have been with my baby Daddy boyfriend for almost two years. I have stayed with him when he was unemployed for 6 months, quit jobs and been broke. I have worked full time even when I was pregnant. We split up for two weeks because I finally ...
A. 23 July 2019: I get that you WANT a family, but do you really want to raise your children with a man who seems to care so little about them AND you?
In blended families I GET that people don't always agree 100% on already established parenting choices but AS a... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have a relationship, but keeping my goals first at the same time?
Q. Hey guys! Despite my usual posts in here, I have a pretty calmed down question/need for advice. I was in a 6 year relationship from 18 to 25. I am now 27 and after a slew of some flings and single dating, I was able to find a really great ...
A. 23 July 2019: You keep that attitude up and you will NOT have this guy around for long. THAT is my guess.
Why on Earth can't you accomplish your goals AND have a BF at the same time?
What would dating him and calling him your BF mean you can't accomplish... (read in full...)
Fiance won't end things with emotional affair woman
Q. My fiance and I are going through a rough patch. He recently sat me down and told me that there's something he needs to tell me. He told me that for the past three months, he had been texting with a woman from work. He said that although they ...
A. 23 July 2019: He doesn't want to tell her, NOT because he doesn't want to hurt her (he already DID) but because he doesn't want to look like a total slime-ball (cause he is).
I'm sorry, OP
I get that you WANT him to tell her. And in a way I think it's only ... (read in full...)
How Do I Begin Feeling Happy About Other People Success?
Q. How do I begin being happy for others? Two years ago, I lost my job and got into a car accident. While I’m trying to get back on my feet, I see that my friends are moving out of my parents’ homes. I still live with mine. A majority of people I know ...
A. 22 July 2019: There are as many PATHS in life as there are people. Seriously.
Success is not a one shoe fits all, either. If EVERYONE was equally successful REGARDLESS of effort, no one would really BE successful.
SET some goals for yourself that are REALIST... (read in full...)
My girlfriend constantly complains about her weight but wont do anything about it!
Q. How do I deal with my gf complaining about her weight. I used to pressure her to keep an eye in her weight but she loves eating junk. I gave up about 3-4 years ago as we went from size 10 to 16. She is adamant it’s because it’s certain parts an...
A. 21 July 2019: You know, I think she is NOT looking for advice from you to lose weight but for you to LIE and tell her that her weight doesn't matter, that she is gorgeous etc. no matter what.
THAT is what she want, not the truth.
As someone who WAS badly ov... (read in full...)
Emotionally abusive friendship is there a way out ?
Q. I'm in an emotionally abusive friendship with another girl, we have been friends for many years. Its so hard to let go because when we get along its like the best friendship ever, we connect she totally understands and supports me, and vica versa, ...
A. 21 July 2019: Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result is ... insanity.
If you KEEP getting "verbally abused" WHY on God's Green Earth do you KEEP being friends? You know what's coming.
Telling her that her behavior is unacceptable but... (read in full...)
He quickly gives offers of help but wont do paid work for me.
Q. I became friendly with a guy who did work for me. We became friends on facebook so I suppose lost the trader/customer boundary. However he has let me down a few times now but if I have posted about needing something ie a code checker for my car or ...
A. 21 July 2019: Do you expect for the work you need done to be done for free?
Or do you offer REAL payment for it?
Just because you are friendly with someone and in NEED of help, posting it on social media doesn't entitle you to anything.
He doesn't OWE ... (read in full...)
I'm off to a spa weekend by myself, my boyfriend didn't want to come and he wants to stop me going too!
Q. I have booked myself a spa break in a classy hotel as a treat and my boyfriend is saying its a dodgy place to go in a hot tub with strangers in a bikini for a woman. He kept saying men could try and chat me up. I don't understand this Im going ...
A. 21 July 2019: I'd say go. YOU are an adult and aren't going there to chat up men, but to relax.
What exactly is dodgy about that hotel? Did he provide any proof to that statement?
I can tell you this, I worked at a 5 star hotel in London (AGES ago) and d... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to get married but all of his baggage is making me wonder if its a good idea
Q. I've been seeing my new boyfriend a little over a year. He is a very sweet guy. He wants to get married, and I'm unsure I really want to. I know that my reasons will sound very vain. He doesn't have a tax paying job, he works for cash doing whatever ...
A. 21 July 2019: Did you tell him what you think? That he needs to be a RESPONSIBLE adult before you two can marry or did you end it?
If you did tell him, what did he say?... (read in full...)
I can't talk to my boyfriend
Q. Hello, thanks for your advice My husband and I have been together for 3 years. There are things that he does that bother me. When I try to tell him to please take my feelings into consideration he tells me I'm bring controlling and he will neve...
A. 20 July 2019: Did he do all these things BEFORE you married? If so, why did you marry him?
I ask because they (these issues) seem to be almost deal-breakers to you.
Do you two have financial issues? Do you share finances? Do you have a budget? are ther... (read in full...)
Do I continue in my loveless marriage? I reconnected with my ex
Q. I have been married about 21 years. The last 7 have been really bad, it is almost just like sharing a house with a roommate. My last kid will be moving out is September. This opens a new chapter. Do I continue this loveless relationship? ...
A. 20 July 2019: Before you go ahead and "re-kindle" with your ex, DECIDE what to do about your marriage FIRST.
Your wife will unlikely NOT really want romance back in the relationship if it's been "dead" for 7 years. But I think after 21 years together you kind... (read in full...)
I don't understand why men cheat
Q. Why do guys cheat? Is it because the sex is no good with me or is it because hes just a man?...
A. 20 July 2019: Neither?
I think any one ( man OR woman) who WANTS to cheat, cheats because they feel entitled, lonely, tempted, bored (insert ANY excuse, really) not because their partner isn't good in bed.
If you TRULY sucked in bed, why not just dump you?
... (read in full...)
I guess he's cheating? Pantyliner found in boyfriend's bathroom trash
Q. I found a panty liner in the trash can in boyfriend's bathroom in his room. Mind you, it was on the top of the trash and there are 2 other bathrooms in his house before you get to his bedroom bathroom. He said he didn't know how it got there and ...
A. 17 July 2019: No cleaning lady either, dog walker, cat-sitter ?
(though I CAN NOT imagine a cleaning lady leaving THAT out in the trash, she would probably EMPTY the trash as part of a routine... but ya know?)
If it makes you go hmmm... I would stick to t... (read in full...)
If I could see into the future and see that our marriage would be the same for the next 20 years, then that is not what I want for my life.
Q. Hi, I need help with something. I am a 23 year old Christian man, I have been married for two years and the last year has been sexless. My wife and I got married two years ago and initially I could tell that she was nervous about sexual intimacy (we ...
A. 17 July 2019: I think Brown Wolf it right on the money.
Try and arrange some outdoor activity "dates" with her. Like trying to go kayaking/canoeing or even put-put or go-karting, hiking that sort of thing.
(suggestion) start out with something easy. ... (read in full...)
I think something off with this online guy do I talk to him about it?
Q. I met a guy online through a language exchange app, where you can talk to people from all over the world. I think throughout our communication i have always had thoughts that something was off. We moved off the app and that's where it all started ...
A. 17 July 2019: Thank you for your reply :)
It always help create a bigger picture.
I would say, I think it's easy to FEEL things about someone you don't really know, just by talking to them. We have seen SO many on here who have had LDR's with a VIRTUAL s... (read in full...)
Our 6 year relationship is boring I'm fed up and don't know what to do about it!
Q. What do you do when your bored in a relationship I’ve been with my partner for 6 and a half years but the relationship is so boring I’ve ended it twice with him but he begs me to stay and things will change and so on but it never does he works 7 ...
A. 17 July 2019: If you have already tried to end this relationship twice, it's OBVIOUSLY not working for you, it hit it's expiration date the FIRST time you ended it.
Him "begging" you to come back doesn't mean ANYTHING will change, he won't change, it won't MA... (read in full...)
A Male Coworker/Friend is Confiding in Me About His Marital Problems. How Should I Handle This?
Q. I've been at my current employer for two years. I enjoy what I do as a paralegal, but most importantly, I've collaborated with a great group of smart, distinguished professionals at my company. Everyone is helpful, friendly, brilliant. We work hard ...
A. 17 July 2019: Honestly?
I'd stay out of another person's marriage, in every way. Especially someone you work with.
Doesn't mean you can't say:" I'm sorry to hear that" or the likes but getting to be come a "voyeur or agony aunt" of his life might not be a g... (read in full...)
I think something off with this online guy do I talk to him about it?
Q. I met a guy online through a language exchange app, where you can talk to people from all over the world. I think throughout our communication i have always had thoughts that something was off. We moved off the app and that's where it all started ...
A. 17 July 2019: Yep, I agree.
Something is off. It's not hard to make fake social media account, it's not hard to steal other people's picture and general info. A LOT of the Nigerian scammers do EXACTLY that.
Are you sending any money? Is he hoping to come t... (read in full...)
She breaks up with me tries to stay friends and then blocks me?
Q. Hi very confused, I was seeing this girl for three months, everything was going well and we were about 4 weeks in. At this stage of the relationship i started dropping comments referring to her as my gf and making her feel welcome to come to famil...
A. 16 July 2019: OP, that is on her.
I think you SHOWED early on that you cared and wanted this to be serious. I think perhaps she hadn't experienced that before, hence the "let's slow down".
You slowed down how YOU thought was appropriate ( by not called her c... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me and how do I fix it?
Q. I don’t know what is wrong with me… I learned something about myself and I cannot pretend that it is not there. I decided a long time ago I didn’t want to have children. I just couldn’t bear the thought of bringing a new being into this world,...
A. 16 July 2019: You sound like a very emphatic person and I think you should consider talking to a therapist about this. I can only guess that the loss of your aunt and mom at such important ages in your life has had a profound effect on you.
Maybe consider... (read in full...)
I guess he's cheating? Pantyliner found in boyfriend's bathroom trash
Q. I found a panty liner in the trash can in boyfriend's bathroom in his room. Mind you, it was on the top of the trash and there are 2 other bathrooms in his house before you get to his bedroom bathroom. He said he didn't know how it got there and ...
A. 16 July 2019: Yes, he is right... it's trash but he is also LYING through his teeth when he says he doesn't know where it came from. UNLESS he has had SO many women in his house lately that he is telling the truth (in the sense that he doesn't know WHO left ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to get married but all of his baggage is making me wonder if its a good idea
Q. I've been seeing my new boyfriend a little over a year. He is a very sweet guy. He wants to get married, and I'm unsure I really want to. I know that my reasons will sound very vain. He doesn't have a tax paying job, he works for cash doing whatever ...
A. 9 July 2019: Should it bother you?
Yes, I think it should. Especially if MARRIAGE is in the card or on the table for discussion.
Once you MARRY someone, THEIR financial issues CAN become yours. He shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage until his debt to the IRS ... (read in full...)
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