What can I offer that porn doesn’t when porn offer endless variety
Q. I know this may seem trivial to many people but I have struggled with the issue of men and porn for many years . I have no problem with my partner noticing someone attractive we all do that but when I’m with a man and he feels the need to master ...
A. 24 October 2019: So let's approach this from another angle, OP
The men that you have encounter, who think it's appropriate to comment and praise a porn stars looks in front of a partner, - WHERE did you meet them and what WAS the circumstance that this topic ca... (read in full...)
Why didnt my colleague want me going to his house?
Q. I hsd been part of a group of people out and about patrolling anf one of the men had lent me suitcase but it took a bit of time to get it back to him simply because he didn't respond. I eventually contacted his wife to who agreed for me to drop ...
A. 23 October 2019: You colleague is weird and if I were you I'd avoid spending ANY time around him alone (in social situation).
Maybe HE thinks YOU are into him.
Maybe the wife thinks there is something going on.
Maybe his home situation is not what he... (read in full...)
We broke up but I suspect my ex is depressed. Should I do anything?
Q. My partner left me a few months ago saying she didn't feel 'in love' any more. She said she didn't know why but some feeling waas missing for her. It hurt. A lot. We have stayed friends however and increasingly I have come to suspect that she is ...
A. 23 October 2019: EDIT:
"I would suggest TO her, that she ..."
Should have been
"I wouldn't suggest TO her, that... "
... (read in full...)
What can I offer that porn doesn’t when porn offer endless variety
Q. I know this may seem trivial to many people but I have struggled with the issue of men and porn for many years . I have no problem with my partner noticing someone attractive we all do that but when I’m with a man and he feels the need to master ...
A. 23 October 2019: What can you offer that porn can't?
A REAL PERSON. Someone who is RIGHT there. Someone who can INVEST in another person, emotionally, time-wise, personally, financially etc. Someone who CARES. Someone who FEELS, thinks, exist. Someone who will lis... (read in full...)
What is going on? I don't want to be the first one to bring it up.
Q. I don't understand what is going on between my friend and I. We have been friends for almost a year, but we fight a lot every week when it comes to misunderstandings over text. I always end up coming to him and we talk again (mainly 'cause when we ...
A. 23 October 2019: You, my dear, have been solidly "friend-zoned" (as MUCH as I hate that term, that is what is going on).
He has NO romantic interest in you.
You on the other hand desperately cling on to him, hoping by shooting down other girls he mentions he w... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend lie about his sister?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he told me all the time that he's the only child of his mom, and I recently found out that he has a sister that he never told me about because until recently he was so upset and he had to tell me about this ...
A. 23 October 2019: If he will lie about his sister (or half-sister, step sister or foster-sister), what ELSE is he lying about?
Have you ever met his mom? Or has there always been some or other reason for you to not meet them?
He has created a narrative about ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to end our marriage and I'm scared
Q. Dear cupid I'm married to my husband for 2 years and we dated 2 years prior marriage. My family is different country and my husband had never met them in person. Yesterday we were having conversation and he told me he does not want to.meet my paren...
A. 22 October 2019: Look for a pro bono divorce lawyer in your area. He/She can give you advice on what your rights are, what you can do to have a roof over your head. If you haven't gotten citizenship, or a sponsorship visa through your husband that is also something ... (read in full...)
We broke up but I suspect my ex is depressed. Should I do anything?
Q. My partner left me a few months ago saying she didn't feel 'in love' any more. She said she didn't know why but some feeling waas missing for her. It hurt. A lot. We have stayed friends however and increasingly I have come to suspect that she is ...
A. 22 October 2019: If you are friends, then can't you simply ask her what's up? If she wants to talk about it or not.
I would suggest TO her, that she might be depressed because the relationship ended. Because it could be a lot of other things in her life she is u... (read in full...)
Why is my former co worker being like this?
Q. became friends with a co worker at work who I like. she talked to me quite a lot and the conversations seem to flow well. I was sad to hear she was going after three months of being with the company. was in kitchen making a tea and said to her, was ...
A. 22 October 2019: Why would you try and be friends with someone who can't be bothered to answer a simple question that doesn't hint of anything romantic, just a friendly kind of question?
Sure she was friendly when you were co-workers and now she can't be bothered... (read in full...)
Accidentally held up an Ambulance and can’t forgive myself!
Q. Tifu accidentally held up an ambulance Accidentally held up an ambulance, feel awful So today as a fairly new driver, I was driving along in the left hand lane, in rush hour. traffic in the right lane queued up at some temporary lights that on...
A. 21 October 2019: Yep, I'm with Code Warrior.
YOU did what other drivers were doing, so YOU were not the only one holding up the ambulance. It made sense to do as other drivers.
They weren't just screaming at YOU.
Them trying to get traffic moving is actual... (read in full...)
New boyfriend friends with former FWB
Q. Am I overreacting to be upset that new boyfriend still friends with older FWB lover? He told me they started having sex after he split from ex-wife. But once he wanted to meet up with me, he told her they would have to be friends and she agreed. ...
A. 21 October 2019: honestly?
This would just not be OK with me, however, I GET that they were friends first and you came later so ASKING him or TELLING him to not be friends with her anymore is not really something I think is OK either. HE should KNOW that it isn't... (read in full...)
Why is my former co worker being like this?
Q. became friends with a co worker at work who I like. she talked to me quite a lot and the conversations seem to flow well. I was sad to hear she was going after three months of being with the company. was in kitchen making a tea and said to her, was ...
A. 20 October 2019: Taker her NOT replying as a MASSIVE hint that she isn't interested in you to the degree you are in her.
I think she said that it was OK to friend her on Facebook because she felt it would be rude to say no.
If she REALLY wanted to be friends/Fa... (read in full...)
How should I react and be around him when I go to his classes?
Q. Hi Cupid I have a crush on a guy at my local gym, he’s a personal trainer and I attend his exercise classes. He’s kind, friendly and warm and easy to talk to. The last 3 months, I’ve been maintaining eye contact with him, we both smile at ea...
A. 20 October 2019: Personal trainers always walk a fine line when it comes to being friendly versus flirty.
It sounds like he IS just trying to be friendly with you and nothing wrong in that. You might have wanted more, but he didn't.
I also think he is tryi... (read in full...)
what do you do when your partner doesn’t make your children and partner a priority
Q. Hey everyone what do you do when your partner doesn’t make your children and partner a priority we split up for 3 month then we ended up getting back together because he promised things would change he has been working 7 days a week and he doesn’t ...
A. 19 October 2019: First of all, aren't your kids in school 5 days a week? Which should give YOU a bit of a break while you work or do something for you.
Second of all, why does he work 7 days a week?
If he rebuilding a company, self-employed?
I get that more... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend's messages gave me the impression he doesn't care. I don't know where to go from here
Q. I have been in a long distance situation shop with a man for almost 3 months. Before he went away we were seeing each other in person for 6 weeks. He said he was going away for 2 weeks and he has been away for almost 3 months. We have not had any ...
A. 19 October 2019: I think you should STICK to you own standards when it comes to "nudes" and who you would want to send them to (if any), NOT what HE wants.
You don't OWE him (or anyone) NUDE pictures of yourself. Seriously, no matter if a guy whines or tries to... (read in full...)
My partner says we should be having sex 4 times a day
Q. My partner of 11 yrs told me we should be having sex four times a day. I don't think that's very realistic. Is it time to release him to seek other people who want to spend the time he wants in sexual activity?...
A. 19 October 2019: OK, so he "thinks" 4 times a day is the "norm". Could he really get it up that many times a day and sustain that erection?
Where does he get that number from? Did he just pluck it out of the air or read it somewhere?
Are YOU interested in se... (read in full...)
Is my mother in law secretly racist?
Q. Ever since I dated my husband he would tell me all these crazy stories how his mom tried to hook him up with fat white chicks (preachers daughters) in the past. I’m not white and I think she hates me because I’m not. She’s one of those people who ...
A. 16 October 2019: I'm with Tisha,
If she doesn't use the N-word around her black friends at church, but around the house when YOU are around then she probably is racially biased.
Trying to set her son up with a white Christian woman (fat or not) is not about rac... (read in full...)
Should I ask my brother in law why he refuses to go on vacations with our family?
Q. My brother-in-law, Sean, is extremely close to his nieces and nephew (his brother and I are the parents of his oldest niece and nephew). He takes them to all the fun places (the Aquarium, the zoo, Chuck E Cheese, different parks, the movie theater, ...
A. 16 October 2019: I think you should leave him be.
I think it's nice to ASK him if he is interested, but do have some respect for HIS right to CHOOSE if he wants to join you all on vacation or not.
Maybe he really enjoys your family, but that doesn't mean he ... (read in full...)
Why would my ex lie and tell me he had no family when he did?
Q. I dated my ex for about a year, it was a year full of ups and downs, tiring for me mentally. We always had alot of problems, but i was naive enough to be manipulated by him because he's my first boyfriend. Basically, when i first met him, he told me ...
A. 16 October 2019: Does it matter?
He is an ex. The longer you keep this "I wonder why..." think going the longer you are preventing yourself from moving forward and getting over him.
However, I can venture a guess or two.
1. It makes him feel like there is s... (read in full...)
How do I deal with an assertion of cheating after the death of my s/o?
Q. In Janury 2017, my beloved girlfriend suddenly passed away unexpectedly. We had been dating for nearly six years at this point, and serious talks about moving in together and our future were underway. It took me a few months of hard grief to ge...
A. 16 October 2019: I'm sorry for you loss.
My thoughts are as follows. I don't think it matters if she cheated (yes I know cheating IS bad and I'm not a fan of it either) BUT it doesn't CHANGE what you had together. IT really doesn't.
With that said, I think he... (read in full...)
His expectations have me confused and wondering about him! Any advice appreciated!
Q. Hello and thanks So my man has been confusing me a lot. We visit each other 3 times per year we in a LDR for approximately 3 years. I love him but I see many different shades to him. He’s impatient, demanding and has a temper. He also expects ...
A. 16 October 2019: It sounds like the ONLY reason you are still together is because you don't spend THAT much time together (in person). When you DO spend time together (in person) you see little red flag behaviors you might not know about even after years of ... (read in full...)
Does anybody know any where I can go for help with mental health?
Q. Does anybody know any where I can go for mental health help. I don’t like talking to GPs, they are so busy, it’s not relaxing to tell your life problems in 10 min slot especially when I feel they want to get rid of me. Speaking to friends doesn...
A. 15 October 2019: Maybe look into a life-coach?
I know it sounds a little on the "self-help" side but maybe someone who can see you from the outside without knowing you can help you find what you are looking for.
Though I would still suggest you talk to your GP.... (read in full...)
Why do I keep getting nightmares about my abusive ex?
Q. I keep getting nightmares about my abusive ex and I wonder why. A little background: we dated for about two years during which he was awfully possessive, totally psycho, verbally and physically abusive and had a huge complex regarding his lo...
A. 15 October 2019: You have the dream (I think) because deep down you carry around that fear of him. While he is out of your life, the fear of him potentially showing up is still lingering.
How much did you deal with what he did to you? And in what way?
Maybe w... (read in full...)
I broke up with my girlfriend now regretting it but I know if we got back together nothing would change
Q. So I broke up with my girlfriend two days ago. At first I was fine, I felt like it was a long time coming, but now I feel myself questioning my decision and regret setting in. We had been together 8 years and she was also my best friend. Tho...
A. 14 October 2019: Because despite her being NOT right for you, you miss the good times.
It's OK to not just have a "clean slate" mentally right after a break up.
However, maybe you need to focus more on the "bad things" she did then the "cute moments".
And... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable for not wanting to spend any more time with my friend?
Q. This could end up being a long rant, but I will try to not give TOO many details. Basically I have had this friend for around 15 years. I first got to know her when I worked behind a bar, she would come in with her friends for lunch and we got ...
A. 13 October 2019: Vent away.
Sometimes writing things down help give you clarity.
I think a solo vacation would be WAY more enjoyable than a stressful week with her.
... (read in full...)
I'm having a tough time with my new, older boyfriend.
Q. Hi There is this guy at work and for some time now he has deffinately been trying to chat me up ,the thing is im on work experience. He is probably in his 40's.A few weeks ago we went out and it got more serious and eventually soon after we ended up...
A. 13 October 2019: OP, I would tell him that you don't feel ready for the kind of serious relationship he is looking for.
If he does make trouble at work for you, YOU go to HR.
And then LEARN from this. Don't date where you work. It is RARELY a good idea. While... (read in full...)
Am I taking too great of a risk dating a twice divorced man?
Q. I'm dating a man who's been divorced twice. He is currently 40 and upon asking him, he said the first time around, it was because they both got married very young (I think at age 21) and they stayed together a very long time. He said they were ...
A. 12 October 2019: The only "reg flag" I see is how he explains the divorces as the wives fault, in both cases.
Usually, there is more to a break up/divorce then just HIS (or HER) side.
However, THAT is his past. YOU are not looking to date who he WAS, but who ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I found this behavior on a date odd?
Q. I started seeing this guy and we've been on two dates now. He's 40 and works for the county. We met on a dating app and he said he would go out for appetizers and drinks, so we met up at a local restaurant. After I came in and he said hello...
A. 12 October 2019: I would just tell him, I'm OK with going Dutch, you pick and pay for what you eat and drink, and I'll pick and pay for what I eat and drink.
It would eliminate this awkwardness around meals.
There could be so many reasons this happend.
1. ... (read in full...)
I know its just facebook but my online friend confuses me.
Q. I got a nice one for you.. I never thought i find myself catching feelings with someone online, but i have. 4 years ago i friended a beautiful lady on FB. We pretty much hit it off as we have the same music interests, food, politics, and so on. ...
A. 12 October 2019: Any suggestions?
Yep, drop her, block her from all social media and go look for a SINGLE lady.
You are entertainment to her, nothing more than a distraction when things bets boring in her life. IS that really what you want to be? Some married... (read in full...)
I'm having a tough time with my new, older boyfriend.
Q. Hi There is this guy at work and for some time now he has deffinately been trying to chat me up ,the thing is im on work experience. He is probably in his 40's.A few weeks ago we went out and it got more serious and eventually soon after we ended up...
A. 12 October 2019: OP,
You don't even know HOW old he is and you are sleeping with him already?
PUT the breaks on, honey!
He is OLD enough to be your dad, which means he will TREAT you like a kid. The relationship is uneven to begin with. HE wants to dictat... (read in full...)
Could you explain his behaviour?
Q. Theres a guy at work who I initially fancied. We flirted quite a lot and he seemed like a nice guy. I thought he was really into me as the signs were obvious. However these past few weeks he seems to have changed. He still flirts (a lot) but he ...
A. 11 October 2019: He just wanted a "play-mate" someone to flirt with and when he noticed YOU might be catching feelings for him, he started doing the push-behavior by behaving kind of repulsive.
TRUST me he KNOWS you would find it offensive to criticize big boob... (read in full...)
Am I too old at 54 to meet any men who will want anything more than sex?
Q. I’m recently dating after a divorce . He was interested in much younger women all the time we were together and had now found one and is happy . I took quite a while on my own and felt I’d really like to meet someone special one day. However I’m ...
A. 10 October 2019:
While I don't see making this thread political (that won't help the OP get useful advice) I think you, "ANON female feminist" need to pipe down with the political rhetoric and ANSWER with a USEFUL answer (if you have one) with ACTUAL advice for ... (read in full...)
How do you know if you’re ready to commit to someone in matrimony?
Q. hi guys, im back since over a few years. been soul searching and i think i’m in a better place now relationship-wise. chatting about the past with my X, just now, brought up memories of this friend ‘Y’ (both our friend) who was truly my first real ...
A. 9 October 2019: I fully agree with Codewarrior.
You are hanging onto a fantasy of a guy from AGES ago. Over time you have made him into this AMAZING guy who checks all your boxes, except... HE moved on, you haven't.
Now he MAY BE amazing still, but he is... (read in full...)
I broke with my ex. Why do I want him to be sorry
Q. I finally broke up with my narcissist boyfriend. He was mean, controlling and made me miserable. He wanted me to gain weight and get thick. He never helped with the baby financially. He called me names. He never bought me anything. He was mean ...
A. 9 October 2019: Why do you want him to be sorry?
Because HE made you feel bad, so you want HIM to feel bad too. It's kind of "normal".
However, what WOULD be better is KNOWING that you did the right thing in ending it. He isn't a good fit for you at all. both... (read in full...)
Was I too harsh on my boyfriend when he suggested anal sex?
Q. I flipped out at my boyfriend for suggesting we have anal sex and now I feel really guilty. Did I overreact? We’re both 17. Last night he was round at my house and we were about to have normal sex but I realised I’d run out of condoms. So instead we ...
A. 9 October 2019: Not really. Maybe calling HIM disgusting for suggesting it is a BIT over the top. A simple NO, I don't want to do anal, EVER, would have sufficed. YOU don't WANT to do or try anal sex and I think you should stick to your guns.
Some people enjoy it... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable for not wanting to spend any more time with my friend?
Q. This could end up being a long rant, but I will try to not give TOO many details. Basically I have had this friend for around 15 years. I first got to know her when I worked behind a bar, she would come in with her friends for lunch and we got ...
A. 9 October 2019: I would just slowly phase her out.
One thing though. While venting is great, I can understand people who RATHER not have daily phone conversations about negative stuff, it IS a mood killer. And some people bang on and on about the SAME negative... (read in full...)
I'm ready to walk away from my marriage because I'm tired of walking on eggshells
Q. I’ve been married for almost three years, I’ve noticed as the few years have gone on my wife has begun to speak down to me, be condescending in arguments, and tells me I do things wrong (like simple things like cleaning or doing dishes or laundry) ...
A. 9 October 2019: Have you talked about HOW she makes you feel?
Have you said, OK if I don't do it right, show me how you like it done?
Have you two set a schedule for chores? Who does them and when?
TALK to your spouse/partner before you just quit.
Though... (read in full...)
Am I being an egomaniac or does this matter?
Q. Hi, I am a 38 year old female and have been dating a 45 year old man for 4 months. In that time 2.5 months has been long distance. We were recently having a conversation and I mentioned that a long time ago I was dating someone who a lot of people ...
A. 9 October 2019: Um, OP didn't you DO the same to him that you are being so miffed over?
It's OK for YOU to mention a GORGEOUS ex who wasn't a good partner in bed, but HE can't call HIS ex a knock out? Because what? You were a model so NO ONE should compare ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend refuses to distance himself from female friend who kissed him on the mouth in front of everyone
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. He is extremely close to his best friend (a female). It has always made me uncomfortable but I do NOT think anything is going on between them - I know he doesn't fancy her, and I very much doubt that she ...
A. 8 October 2019: You either accept his compromise (which I think if a fair one - TO tell her to NOT kiss him on the mouth any more).
OR you decide if you want to be with him.
You contradict yourself a lot. You say they don't have ANY interest in each other ou... (read in full...)
How do I get my hubby to start focusing on himself and stop projecting onto me?
Q. Hi guys, my hubby and I are having some problems. I know he means well, but his efforts to "help me" (I'm not asking for help) feel as if he is trying to change me. And I think he's projecting. He's been trying to make some changes to HIS life...
A. 8 October 2019: Show him what you wrote (or tell him what you wrote). Because it makes sense - though leave out the projecting thing. Which probably is true, but not useful at all.
IF talking about it doesn't make him see what HE is doing. YOU start doing th... (read in full...)
Moving in with a partner - How do you mesh two different views on cleanliness, organization, and design?
Q. I've been dating someone for a couple months now and recently made things official. He wanted to introduce me to his best friends which are also his housemates, so I finally visited his place. Before I went over, he gave me a semi-serious ...
A. 8 October 2019: I absolutely get you hesitance to live together with someone and go through ALL the "mutual training" of making the home-life work for both of you.
And waiting until marriage is on the table, I also get.
While this guy MIGHT be living in a p... (read in full...)
I jumped in too fast with a not yet divorced man and decided to cool things. Did I make the right choice?
Q. Woe is me ...not really but kind of- I met an amazing guy about 3 weeks ago while I was visiting family. I used to live in this city and I often consider relocating back so that isn't an issue. He and I hit it off well because we both are sober a...
A. 8 October 2019: I think slowing down is the right thing.
1. HE is still married, legally.
2. HE is still living with his wife and kids, doesn't matter WHERE in the house.
3. He lives in a different city, thinking about relocating for a man after 3 weeks ... (read in full...)
Am I too old at 54 to meet any men who will want anything more than sex?
Q. I’m recently dating after a divorce . He was interested in much younger women all the time we were together and had now found one and is happy . I took quite a while on my own and felt I’d really like to meet someone special one day. However I’m ...
A. 6 October 2019: I can't see WHY you can't find someone at 54. Plenty of people over 30 find partners.
I do think the "pool" from which you can choose is smaller and you have to weed out all the toads.
If a guy brings up that he is talking to a "hot 35 year old... (read in full...)
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