Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 9 February 2014: Gnarly Lackof Logic
Thank you for answering the OP more eloquent then I could. Obviously YOU got my points - he didn't.
... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my personal trainer but am wondering if he's out of my league!
Q. ok this is such a obvious crush, its embarrassing... but i really like one of the personal trainer at my gym. i know, how predictable! and i was just thinking how do i get to know him in causal way. it also got me thinking about people's opinions...
A. 9 February 2014: Since he isn't YOUR personal trainer, I will revise the advice a little.
Why not talk to him? Small talk? Where he is from? His age, family, school, favorite music, movies, what not - if he HAS a GF he might bring that up himself.
But in all ho... (read in full...)
Cheating and lying partners...
Q. Ive had a girlfriend for 4 and a half years. I met her on an online chatroom , which i was initially dubious about. We started dating and i feel deeply in love with her. After around 3 months i started to have a gut feeling that she was not being ...
A. 9 February 2014: If her daughter is "in on it" I would assume that her behavior wasn't new, it's WHO she is with just about any man. At least for as long as she can get away with it.
And throwing it back in your face rather then face her own actions is pretty T... (read in full...)
My friend is in a relationship after just three dates with this guy! Is that too quick?
Q. My friend has been on three dates with this guy and already they are in a relationship! Am I the only one who thinks that is very quick? She said that they didn't see any need dragging it out when they know they'd want to be together and like each ...
A. 9 February 2014: Does it matter what you or I think? It might work for them.
Wish her well.
Maybe they will work out long term, maybe they don't, but if they feel it's right then what's the problem?
3 dates and then dating, IS fast, but it's not like they h... (read in full...)
Cheating and lying partners...
Q. Ive had a girlfriend for 4 and a half years. I met her on an online chatroom , which i was initially dubious about. We started dating and i feel deeply in love with her. After around 3 months i started to have a gut feeling that she was not being ...
A. 9 February 2014: Meeting her in a chat-room doesn't mean she is going to be a cheat. However, when you get suspicious to the point where you ignore her right to privacy (GO THROUGH her phone) and find "bad stuff" - you should KNOW right then and there that THIS IS ... (read in full...)
Could my ex have undetected HIV if he received a blood transfusion years ago, before blood testing was standard procedure?
Q. I have a concern, not mentioned on the site before to my knowledge. It involves HIV from blood transfusions. I've noticed that in the years where a potential partner would be born was when they didn't test for HIV in the blood. So basically is it ...
A. 9 February 2014: We can guess, just as you can.
If you have any concerns ASK him to get tested. chances are that IF his mother was a drug user SHE had a greater chance at contracting HIV then her son.
Donor blood was tested for HIV at the beginning of 198... (read in full...)
Things are finally working out in our relationship, but now that marriage is on the table I'm not sure about it!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have had to face a lot of difficulties but now finally things are working out and he has said we must get married. We lived together in our second year, then he had to transfer back up country, where he...
A. 9 February 2014: If you two were to marry would that mean YOU quitting your job and moving up there to be fully dependent on him? If so, I agree it's not ideal - AT ALL. He says he would support you.. for a few months and then what?
You have learned to be indep... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my personal trainer but am wondering if he's out of my league!
Q. ok this is such a obvious crush, its embarrassing... but i really like one of the personal trainer at my gym. i know, how predictable! and i was just thinking how do i get to know him in causal way. it also got me thinking about people's opinions...
A. 9 February 2014: I think having a crush on your trainer is "harmless", but I don't think you should "go for it". I think you should try and curb that crush. And see him as your trainer, not some piece of meat.
He is your trainer, he is PAID to pay you attentio... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 9 February 2014: When you first got together did you sit down and agree on a time table for your relationship? My guess is, no.
So you giving him an "ultimatum" is you telling HIM that he needs to want what you want at the same time table as you want it - is that ... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 9 February 2014: I think you are trying to make sense of changes by making "issues" black or white - life doesn't work that way.
Porn is not a necessity. It's a choice.
As for your statement, numbers don't lie and statistics.. Well you can also say that divorce... (read in full...)
Will a fwb relationship help me gain confidence?
Q. Hi Cupids, I was wondering if you could help me out. This is the age old Friends with Benefits question. I'm 18 and me and this lad like each other but neither willing to commit to a relationship. We've hung out and messed around a bit and ...
A. 9 February 2014: He proposed FWB because he likes you, but not enough to DATE you or BE with you - and he wants to keep it secret - now how is THAT going to make you feel more confidant?
You are 18, you are not supposed to be some super porn star who knows al... (read in full...)
I cant provide money for us since I can't escourt so should I end things?
Q. K this is pretty serious. We've been together almost a year, we are both head over heels in love. I asked him to marry me he said yes. Hes a tattoo artist Im 25 hes 47. We share symptoms, we're twin flames. Recently we have been having some mon...
A. 9 February 2014: Have you considered looking for a job that doesn't make you feel like you are "un-datable" or not good enough ? Like a legit job?
Find a job, save up and when you can afford to move out (even if it is to rent a room) do so.... (read in full...)
Awkward ending to a night out with the guy I used to date. Should I contact him or did I blow it?
Q. Have I blown it with this man, and should I contact him or wait and see if I bump into him? I briefly went out with this man last year. I wouldn't exactly call him an ex, we didn't date for long, and we didn't have sex.He still contacts me from...
A. 9 February 2014: I agree with YouWish as well.
If you want to END it with your BF then put on your big girl panties and break up, seeing another guy (even if you pretend you are "just" friends is bullshit.) You wouldn't be jealous of him liking someone else if ... (read in full...)
He doesn't contribute anything but criticism
Q. ok here is the story Aunts. I have been with my partner for 4 years. we Live Together and until towards the end of last year everything seemed fine with us. recently though everything he does/or doesnt do rather irritates the life out of me. he n...
A. 9 February 2014: The place you live in is that yours originally, or his?
If it's yours, I would tell him, I can't do this any more you have 30 days to move out. If it's his, I would look for a place to stay. (friends, family, look for approved housing that YOU... (read in full...)
My obsession with his ex is ruining our relationship
Q. My partner had a child with an ex who he was with for 7 years. When he met her she was actually living with a woman and left her husband of her two children for the woman. Then she moved on to my partner and they had a child together also. When...
A. 7 February 2014: Hmm first off I think there is a lot more to their break up then he has told you. No woman trashes a guy's house because she has found a new man, that makes NO SENSE.
Secondly, JUST looking at THOSE actions (who she treated him like dirt, took his... (read in full...)
How to get this online guy to back off?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been online dating for about 8 months now, have only met up with 3 people in that time and its never really gone past 1st or 2nd dates. I ended up talking to someone for about 5 weeks who seemed to match my sense of humour and ...
A. 7 February 2014: I agree with SVC
Just tell him, I don't think this is working out. You have had what 3-4 dates with him? That doesn't mean you OWE him more dates or being exclusive, however, if you aren't interested you do OWE him to tell him. That way you can ... (read in full...)
Lonely and friendless and looking for advice
Q. I'm a young female and my problem is I don't really have any friends. I never had a lot of friends even back when I was in High School. I had maybe 3 or 4 friends but they ended up turning on me and started bullying me. My High School was actua...
A. 7 February 2014: I agree with WiseOwlE - apply for scholarships/and/or grants and FURTHER yourself.
In the mean time (til next school year) - I would get a job. 1. you meet people through work and 2. you HAVE to learn how to socialize in different setting when... (read in full...)
My roommate crushed my self-esteem because he picked her over me!
Q. I came to London to study a short course. I found a roommate (flatmate as they call them here) for a month out of the three months I'll be here and found him extremely attractive. We chatted a lot before I moved in and it became something a bit ...
A. 7 February 2014: First of stop lying to yourself.
YOU DO mind that all he wanted was to sleep with you. You thought that the sex would change his mind. IT RARELY DOES. If a guy can get a "FBW" or "NSA" arrangement they will take it but if the girl wants more, it... (read in full...)
I don't want to tell people my engagement ring is fake!
Q. I dont want to tell people my engagement ring is a fake "diamond". It's actually cubic zirconia. But apparently according to the jeweler who charged my fiance $700-800 USD , there are two levels of cz, the drug store $12-40.00 and the "better" tier. ...
A. 7 February 2014: Most people CAN NOT tell CZ and real diamonds apart, that is why CZ is such a HUGE part of the jewelry market. Except when you choose a BIG CZ it DOES look "fake" because a diamond of that size would be in the $100,000's or millions.
Is the ring... (read in full...)
He turned me down for a date so what is with his new attitude toward me?
Q. I asked a guy out a while back and he politely declined me, so I kind of accepted it and got on with things. I still liked him, but I'd understood that he didn't feel the same way, so I never mentioned it again. About two weeks ago, though, his atti...
A. 7 February 2014: I think he is doing it, because now he KNOWS you like him and he likes the attention.
... (read in full...)
She has a boyfriend so is she just playing with me to get attention?
Q. It's driving me insane because she has a boyfriend (who I know) and she is the only girl I've ever truly liked. She is extremely intelligent, hard working, kind, selfless, and unique.I've thought about her every single day since I first saw her (Not ...
A. 7 February 2014: She might not even be aware of just HOW much you fancy her, so I wouldn't "hate" her. However, I don't think the way she is with you, is how she is with all her male friends.
She IS enjoying the attention and she is taking the attention as, OH h... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 6 February 2014: If you think feeling SHAME is going to make things better, go for it. However, I highly doubt it will.
YOU ARE 17! Which means you will be have MANY years ahead of you to make more mistakes.. and trust me, you WILL make more. Instead of feeling ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if my boyfriend is a manipulator or not?
Q. Hi I'm not sure if my boyfriend would be considered an emotional psychopath/manipulater. I am quite insecure and hyper vigilant so I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or not. He is a personal trainer and has told me that he has to use some form of...
A. 6 February 2014: He sounds less manipulative and more.. egocentric.
... (read in full...)
Is he blowing me off or am I reading too much into it?
Q. Ive been on numerous dates and this particular date was amazing. The guy was cute, shy, and funny (he's also busy as an actor, which I dont mind because Im one too!). After the date he was sweet,he wanted to kiss me but I said not now, he was fine...
A. 6 February 2014: If you are REALLY interested, I see nothing wrong in sending a message (make it short and sweet) Hi, how did it go? still got the long hair? (or whatever it is about the hair lol)
If he gets back to you fairly fast (if he is indeed DONE filming ... (read in full...)
She has a boyfriend so is she just playing with me to get attention?
Q. It's driving me insane because she has a boyfriend (who I know) and she is the only girl I've ever truly liked. She is extremely intelligent, hard working, kind, selfless, and unique.I've thought about her every single day since I first saw her (Not ...
A. 6 February 2014: She knows YOU like her and she is enjoying the attention and the fact that someone is FANCYING her.
I don't think it goes further then that, after all SHE is still with her BF. I think you are kind of wasting your time "pining" after her and hopi... (read in full...)
My savings are now 1/2 of what they were because b/f borrowed money for 14 months! He's always drunk and wont talk to me about paying me back!
Q. I really don't know what to do about my situation. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years borrowed money every month for 14 months. My savings are now 1/2 what they were. About once or twice a week if I phone him in the evenings he is drunk, slurred speech, ...
A. 6 February 2014: LEARN from this. The FIRST time you lend someone money (be it a friend or a BF) and they DO NOT pay back, NEVER lend them money again. Seriously. NEVER.
Also, TALK to him while he is sober, tell him you NEED your money back and the he and you need... (read in full...)
Why do women at night clubs dress provocatively?
Q. Why do the girls at the clubs dress like sluts?? We went to a club last weekend and there were many women barely dressed. One had a dress on so short that her ass was showing and she bent over a few times. Do they really need that much attention?...
A. 6 February 2014: This is not something new - I worked as a bartender (at a night club) almost 20 years ago and you would have the jeans and t-shirt girls and the super-short skirt/bra-type top/high heals. 90% of the last group were girls who could really have ... (read in full...)
Getting over cheating - should I have believed him? How do I move on?
Q. Im married but almost a year into the marriage i found some naked photos on my husband's email. he had sent the photos to his email from his phone. They were of an ex girlfriend of his who he had only been on 3 dates with. When i found them i asked ...
A. 6 February 2014: I have to agree with llifton.
Why not show you the texts/pictures? Instead he SAVED to photos to his e-mail? why so he could "check out" the "evidence"? Or so that you would find them on his phone?
Yea, not giving me a "vibe" of this being tr... (read in full...)
I caught him twice being naughty on the internet, talking to girls about their bodies. He promised to stop the first time but did it again!
Q. I found my boyfriend was talking to girls on the internet. Telling them they were sexy and complimenting them about their body's, I think he was trying to meet one of them. But he said he never would have. I found out the first time and told him to ...
A. 6 February 2014: He did it a second time because THIS is who he is and he DID get away with it the first time, didn't he?
Also, saying to forgive it doesn't mean you actually FORGIVE. From what you write you DO seem to hold on to the resentment and that is somet... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps promising me big gifts but gets me nothing
Q. My boyfriend told me throughout our entire first year that he had a huge birthday surprise for me... along comes my birthday Jan 29 and he just called me in the morning and then never came over (even though he promised). His reasoning was that he ...
A. 6 February 2014: Your relationship revolves around gifts? Or is it the fact that he keep making promises and then keep disappointing you?
As for not coming over on your birthday.. his excuse his PARENTS wouldn't let him? Why? Were the weather/roads horrible... (read in full...)
Whenever a boyfriend even mentions anal sex I become furious
Q. i don't know what is wrong with me, but whenever any of my past partners so much as suggests anything to do with anal sex i get infuriated and not even in an outwards manner but rather in a passive aggressive way. i cannot quiet put my finger on it, ...
A. 6 February 2014: I'm not sure why you choose the passive-aggressive way of saying no, thanks I don't want your penis up my bum.
My guess would be, like the first anon said, because you have already declined trying it before.
Instead of using the method you u... (read in full...)
For nine years I believed my lover was married but I've recently learned he isn't
Q. I began this relationship with my lover over 9 years ago and up until a 2 weeks ago believed that he was married because he told me so. He revealed in an online conversation that he was never legally married to the woman he claimed as his wife. N...
A. 6 February 2014: So it was OK to be the "mistress" of a married man (who would be lying to a WIFE) but you don't like the idea him lying to you about NOT being married?
9 years you wasted being something of a side-dish to him and THIS upset you the most?
... (read in full...)
All my friends are starting families. Why hasn't my boyfriend discussed starting a family with me?
Q. Basically I found myself in a situation that I have not a single female friend that has no kids or is not married left. I am 27. Will turn 28 in a couple of months. ALL my friends from college started having kids one after another or getting ...
A. 5 February 2014: Why not bring it up? Why WAIT for him to bring it up? It's not like it's a topic only the GUY can bring up, is it?
If he tries to laugh it off, tell him you would like to talk seriously about it.
I would suggest you don't bring it up in front o... (read in full...)
The only problem is that he never wants to remarry or have children with me, it's tearing me apart. Advice?
Q. I feel like there is no hope for my relationship even though my boyfriend has never cheated, lied or hurt me. I love him, and I have never thought of anyone else since I met him. I honestly see no one else as my future but him. The only problem ...
A. 5 February 2014: Sorry, IF you want marriage and children, HE isn't the man for you.
I agree with Auntie llifton you two are at two VERY different places in life. So you are not very well matched. I get that you LOVE him as a man, but you would have to give up ... (read in full...)
Are some people nasty or is it just me?
Q. Hey everyone, I had this conversation with some colleagues of mine today and I really need to vent somewhere as I feel a bit upset... I have these 2 female colleagues of the same age as me approximately (around 30) and we usually have very nic...
A. 4 February 2014: I think women like that deep down are VERY insecure. They know they have a short shelf life and putting OTHER women down makes them feel better about themselves, it's kind of sad.
Don't change who you are. Their comments are PETTY & nasty, a... (read in full...)
Calling all girls in long term relationships for opinions...
Q. Hi. Please do not make any judgements or assumptions. I simply want opinions from girls in LT relationships. How would you feel if your boyfriend went travelling with a boy mate without inviting you for one month to six months? ...
A. 4 February 2014: I wouldn't tell him NOT to go. But I wouldn't wait around 6 months for his return unless I felt there was a chance we would BOTH stay faithful for that 1-6 months.
The thing is too, if he is travelling/backpacking the correspondence and contact ... (read in full...)
How do I get more affection from my girlfriend?
Q. How do I get my girlfriend to get more physical with me? Before you decide I'm an ass, please hear me out. She goes to school with me but she is two years older and she sits by me at lunch and behind me in Algebra II. I helped her with math when she ...
A. 4 February 2014: Good for you to talk to her.
As for her issues (and you mention a few) I won't go into it as that was not your question.
Never be afraid to TALK to a GF about things you aren't sure about (with regards to a relationship) best way to sort stuf... (read in full...)
Cheating- is it always wrong?
Q. Is it ever acceptable to cheat? I'm in a marriage and very happy aside from the fact my hb and my sex drives are in completely the opposite directions mines very high and his due to medication is virtually nil, I've lived with this for ov...
A. 4 February 2014: As much as I don't agree with open marriages (I find it a total oxymoron) it DOES work for some couples.
I agree with SVC - that if YOUR spouse is OK with you getting "laid" by someone else, I wouldn't regard it as cheating but.. YOUR spouse s... (read in full...)
I don't feel like he's pulling his weight. Am I being petty?
Q. I’m a 42 year old successful single mother of two teenage daughters. I have been divorced for 9 years and focused all of my energy on raising my daughters alone. I own my own home, two cars and have been blessed enough to provide my children with ...
A. 4 February 2014: I agree with Auntie Em, I wouldn't ask for 50% of money towards the Mortgage - after all he won't OWN a part of the house if he does, for him it's just rent. I would ask for less them half. Maybe 1/4 ?
However, I would look at your budget a... (read in full...)
I told my boyfriend I only climax occasionally. How do I fix his pride?
Q. I've been with my bf for over a year, and he's very experienced in bed. I am not. I've only had been with two others before him. He has a very large package and I have always either enjoyed it or have been intimidated by it. He is very thoughtf...
A. 4 February 2014: Sorry a dude who refuses to wear a condom, specially if he has had MULTIPLE past partner would be a deal-breaker for me.
So instead of him JUST using a condom you have to get on the patch, which I might add doesn't prevent pregnancies 100% and... (read in full...)
Should I make one last attempt to apologize to her and get her flowers?
Q. Hi, bit of a long complicated situation. So a while back I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and she was super cool about it but told me that she didn't feel the same way. We still remained friends but I always felt I ...
A. 4 February 2014: I'm with Cerberus 100%.
YOU ARE missing the point, you don't try HARDER to woo her you accept that SHE is not a FRIEND (because you have "more then friends feelings for her).
You somehow feels she OWES you something because you have feeling... (read in full...)
How do I get more affection from my girlfriend?
Q. How do I get my girlfriend to get more physical with me? Before you decide I'm an ass, please hear me out. She goes to school with me but she is two years older and she sits by me at lunch and behind me in Algebra II. I helped her with math when she ...
A. 4 February 2014: NEITHER of you are really mature enough to date.
To me it like she wants the "status" of having a BF, but she really don't want one. Relationships takes work from BOTH people IN the relationship, it also takes communications and if you feel lik... (read in full...)
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