Am I self sabotaging because I can’t trust men?
Q. I met an older guy a few weeks ago through work. He messaged me and we just got talking none stop. I found him really nice while working with him, even though it was briefly and he was saying all the right things. We went on a date and I met h...
A. 26 July 2021: There was nothing to "fight" for. You two only really spend a little time over a couple of weeks getting to know each other.
You made the choice to READ/DETERMINE that he must have been lying and not wanting to see you. Without really knowing ... (read in full...)
I got involved with him even though he has a girlfriend and its Long distance
Q. Hi dear agony aunts, I met J last month when i went on vacation (He lives in that country but we have the same nationality) A week later, we started going out and after one particular night out with other friends, he said we could go to his place...
A. 24 July 2021: It was a summer fling for him. You were willing and available. And... gullible.
If I were you I'd accept that you slept with a guy who is "taken" and it won't amount to anything other than a holiday romance.
It's not like you can trust this g... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have adult siblings that are just awkward and unreasonable?
Q. Does anyone else have adult siblings that are just awkward and unreasonable? Is it just me or do I have the worst, most inconsiderate family going?! My parents are both pensioners and could do with a bit of peace and quiet in their old age. Yet all ...
A. 24 July 2021: What can be done?
Nothing, OP
Sorry, your parents and sibling have a routine that spans YEARS of habits. Whether it's the bickering or the taking advantage of situations.
This is who they are. YOU can not change them.
I'd say it's pr... (read in full...)
Does he like me but can't do anything about it because he's married?
Q. Hello So I'm very confused about a situation I'm experiencing. Is this guy flirting with me? So he's married, I;ve heard things that suggest he isn't happy but I have no certainty. Yes I kind of like him but he doesnt know and I'd never act on...
A. 24 July 2021: I think he is just a friendly flirt. Pure and simple.
I think YOU need to focus more on NOT getting further attached rather than WHAT meaning you can glean from his flirting.
IT DOESN'T matter if he is unhappy in his marriage. NONE of your bus... (read in full...)
We got together with another couple for lunch and all they do is talk. They don't let my husband or I speak. How do we handle this?
Q. Hi. My husband has an old friend back from his university days. Recently with the Covid restrictions lifting, we have gone to breakfast with him. The first time, he was on his own and the second he brought his wife. I have found to not have much...
A. 22 July 2021: Maybe your husband can just go hang out with HIS friend by himself?
You will "unfortunately" be too busy that day!
And I'd make sure YOUR hubby knows to NOT pass on to his friend that you just didn't dig the "Tom and Tammy show" nor the " ... (read in full...)
Do you think I have a right to be upset at my husband for complimenting another woman in my presence?
Q. Is it normal for your husband to compliment another woman in front of you? For example, yesterday he told this acquaintance of ours in my presence that she looks like she is in good shape after we ran into her and her husband at the mall. I have put ...
A. 22 July 2021: I think it was rude and stupid of him and I would "presume" it was more of a dig at you... than a compliment to her.
But
I don't know him. So it would be speculation only.
As for compliments, I don't think it's an inappropriate compliment... (read in full...)
The idea of my woman having a random sexual encounter is sexy to me
Q. I am wondering if anyone else is like me. I occasionally want the woman I am with, no matter who it is, to go out sometimes and get laid. I wouldn't want it to be an all the time thing. Say she goes out with chums and maybe has a little too much to ...
A. 22 July 2021: To me, it sounds messed up and selfish. But you are not me. I value fidelity. It takes effort to be faithful for most people. Which is what I expect in a relationship/marriage. Trust is another thing I value. Mutual Respect. If my husband suggested ... (read in full...)
I don't like that my current boyfriend was into threesomes
Q. My boyfriend recently admitted he's had a threesome in the past and I can't seem to look past it. It's just made me look at him in a completely different light now. I know everyone has a past but I can't help but feel embarrassed FOR HIM over it. ...
A. 21 July 2021: YOU have to decide if this is a deal-breaker (for you) or not. If it is, end it.
Is he still friends with these two girls?
And no, he didn't regret it. He thinks he is a "stud" for having had a 3-some.
Your moral values and his don't qui... (read in full...)
Is there any way around using our current landlord for a reference?
Q. Been living in a private rented accommodation for 2 years. We don’t want to stay where we are long term and looking to move but are not in any rush to get out. Our past landlord didn’t do anything in the house we rented from her and if we did find ...
A. 21 July 2021: We can't give you a complete answer. Maybe ask the person you are about to rent from if you can use a reference from such and such landlord.
... (read in full...)
I don't like that my 16 year old daughter is dating and having sex
Q. I’m struggling to deal with the fact that my daughter is having a sexual relationship, does anyone have any advice? She turned 16 in May and is legally allowed to but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. I just feel like she’s rushing into ...
A. 21 July 2021: Have a talk with her, make sure she is on birth control.
Some teens are all about the sex, some are all about building a friendship first. Teens are not all the same.
While you can't unring the bell here, you can sit her down and talk to her.... (read in full...)
How pushy is too pushy?
Q. I was good friends with a cute guy a few years younger than myself. We lost touch but then at New Year I wished him a Happy New Year which he sent a sweet message back. The other month I sent him another message but this time he didn't reply, but I ...
A. 21 July 2021: I mean what is the point you are trying to make?
I think this is a "non-starter". You WERE friends but lost contact and neither of you two was invested enough to keep conversation and friendship going.
I would just let it go. If you want frie... (read in full...)
Childhood friend has turned into a bully
Q. I’ve had a childhood friend ask me for so many favors like borrow money but then can’t pay it back or takes months. Then he will take me out to eat only to charge it for me later by saying he owes me less. He also told two people I was molested ...
A. 21 July 2021: If he owes you any money still get them back and cut him off. Cut all contact. If your shared friends rather be friends with him or think that they HAVE to choose, they weren't friends, to begin with.
Y'all are 40! Newsflash, High school is over,... (read in full...)
What I can do to help save our friendship or what to do with the fact that he kissed me?
Q. When I was in high school, I went to an all boy school. There was this kid, Zackary, who we sometimes bullied each other and at other times, we would get along. I never understood our relationship in high school. As adults, we are both still s...
A. 21 July 2021: I would simply text him and ask him:"Are we good?" That you value his friendship above all.
As for the kiss, I wouldn't bring it up unless he did but I would also STRONGLY advise that you don't start thinking about experimenting with this guy. If ... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid by working towards permanently moving out as soon as possible?
Q. I’m back home over summer due to COVID and that has triggered a bunch of memories i hadnt realized i’d forgotten and feel unsafe because of this. The majority of these are from when I was under the age of 10, my mother calls me crazy for still ...
A. 21 July 2021: Nope, you are not crazy but I would NOt tell your parents of your plans.
Just work on saving up and moving out ASAP.
Your parents sound toxic.
Make a budget, make a plan and GTFO!
Good luck!
... (read in full...)
How can I be a stepmom if I can't be a wife first?
Q. I'm being thorough so that I can really just get to the bottom of resolving my stress with good advice. I've been with my current partner for 2 years, married for almost 1 year. His baby mom has caused a lot of drama since day one, though I've onl...
A. 21 July 2021: Yikes OP!
What drama!
If I was in your shoes I think I would ask him to move out and then separate. This situation is NOT good for you or your daughter.
She has ALL the power here. When it comes to their kids. I know that sucks but that IS r... (read in full...)
Is this just a crush that will pass and am I better staying safe and keeping it strictly business?
Q. I'm in a six year relationship which has had its ups and downs but mostly happy times, however I recently met someone through a work that I've just clicked with. We have spent some time together (strictly professional) and I think he feels the same, ...
A. 21 July 2021: He was someone new and shiny, basically.
You have been with your partner for 6 years so it is getting a bit routine (nothing bad about that but things get predictable after a while).
The "new" guy might have sensed that you caught feeling a... (read in full...)
We broke up because partner wanted me to foot the bill for his sister's wedding
Q. I’m struggling with something and I know it’s for the best. I’m not sure how to feel about it. Three years ago I almost filed for bankruptcy. I was very depressed but about two years ago, I met someone that was a good listener and all that. Aside ...
A. 21 July 2021: I think you did the right thing, eventually.
By ending it.
However, LEARN from this. You are not a bank. Don't give out loans. Not unless there is a LEGAL document stating they will pay it back and how it will be paid back and when it will be ... (read in full...)
We gave our friend money for their wedding and they never acknowledged us
Q. My friend recently got married and both her and her fiancé were struggling financially so were cutting corners on their wedding. My husband and I felt bad for them as the financial side of the pandemic hit them hard- they both have jobs b...
A. 19 July 2021: A true gift comes without strings, OP
You did a LOVELY thing for your friend and her new hubby. That was nice and kind.
But now you are making it out to be like they OWE you some grand gesture of thanks. They don't.
Should they have the ... (read in full...)
Is it right for my 15-year old son to date an 18-Year old girl?
Q. My 15-year old son has recently started going out with an 18 year old girl. Is it just me or does this seem really inappropriate? Don’t get me wrong she’s a nice person and he seems to be really smitten with her but she is technically an a...
A. 19 July 2021: I think it is on the inappropriate side. 3 years age gap is a LOT at this age. His HIGHT has nothing to do with his maturity. With his personality.
What is the "age of consent" in the UK ? 15 or 16? If it's 16, I would tell him AND her that the... (read in full...)
Chance Meeting or Fate?
Q. Hi - A guy I had a slight crush on a couple of years ago, bumps into me recently in a busy city centre. We hadn't seen each other for a couple of years but chatted away like good friends. I desperately want him to keep in touch with me (we have eac...
A. 19 July 2021: It was chance, not fate.
Why do I say that? Because if you have known him for a long time and NOTHING has come of it, nothing probably will.
Why would you "torture" yourself by keeping in touch with someone you had/have a crush on who is not in... (read in full...)
How do I stop associating everything with my ex?
Q. Dear Cupid, How do I stop associating everything with my ex? It's kind of freaky how much everything reminds me of him. I don't want to be one of those people who get triggered by things even 5 years after the breakup. I want to be free of him. ...
A. 12 July 2021: Time, OP
It just takes time. You have already processed a lot - like the fact that you didn't really love HIM, but the IDEA of him, etc.
The more you let him "roam free" in your thoughts, the longer this will bother you. Shut it down ASAP whe... (read in full...)
Former co-worker wants a recommendation to work at my work place. I don't want to give it
Q. 2 years ago I worked with this woman who unfortunately was very lazy. She’d come in late and leave early. Constantly taking sick days when she was fine and was very argumentative. She has lots of verbal warnings too and had the company ...
A. 12 July 2021: FA gives excellent advice here.
In all honesty, if she was a nightmare to work with I would NOT recommend her AT all. I would tell her that you can't. She might get mad, but really... you aren't going to lose out if she gets mad.
I would be ho... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has medical issues but doesn't want to medicate. This is causing problems
Q. Hi, I have written here before and got some really good advice, thank you ! So, my gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year. Sometimes it's great, sometimes I want to run! I love her, I think she is a good person, a c...
A. 12 July 2021: If she is in a "good state" she can't see the bad. If she is in a "bad state" seeking help might be overwhelming.
The thing YOU have to realize is that YOU can not change her. You can't change how she feels or thinks. This is HER life and HER choi... (read in full...)
I need to let go but I don't know how
Q. How do I get over this guy (essentially a super attractive "Nazi")? (This is kind of a way for me to vent to gain some clarity, so it will sound a bit like a monologue). I've known this guy only online, for just over 6 months. We separated due ...
A. 12 July 2021: There is no such thing as the "Aryan" race or a "superior" race.
The SUPER short version is this. It's a historical race concept that emerged in the late 19th century that first covered people from the area around Iran/Southern Europe and parts of... (read in full...)
Advice for saving my mom. Is he a priest or a cult leader?
Q. Please exit out of this questions if you’re easily offended by religious topics, I’m going to be questioning some actions that revolve around that theme. How can I help my mom break free from the manipulation of people who only want her money? ...
A. 12 July 2021: Is there a REAL church there? with a REAL priest who is looking to mooch off people? Maybe that would be a place to go for intervention? For help?
The thing with this is that your mom is a grown woman, she should be able to make decisions fo... (read in full...)
Girlfriend gets defensive when we have discussions even when I am supporting her
Q. Sometimes, when I am talking with my girlfriend, she will bring up things that have been on her mind about future plans or some idea she has. I love having these conversations. It feels good to talk about the future with her. But, when she brings ...
A. 9 July 2021: 1. Blaming you for what some ex or other person did or said in the past, is not fair.
2. She doesn't listen to you. And dismisses what you bring to the conversation with whatever she THOUGHT you said. Or what she expected you to say.
She say... (read in full...)
The man I'm going to marry still wears his deceased wife's rings around his neck. How do I approach this subject?
Q. Ok so this may be a difficult one… I’m getting married next summer (provided there isn’t another sodding pandemic). My husband-to-be is a really wonderful man and I’m so lucky to have him. However… He still wears his and his first wife’s w...
A. 9 July 2021: I think you need to let him take the time HE needs to let this memento of his late wife go. On his own.
You can't take her place and you aren't replacing HER.
You are your own person. This is a new relationship not a continuation of ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with my sister. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do?
Q. My bf and I were friends online through social media for 6 months before meeting. I'm 34 and my sister is 39 and she said I don't know him and disapproved of us meeting then promptly stopped talking to me. The other day I deactivated my Instagram ...
A. 8 July 2021: She seems to think that you should obey her commands as if you are a little kid. My guess is that she is unhappy with her life, that she has little control in her own life thus wanting to control YOUR life.
She also sounds like a very negative... (read in full...)
Unemployed boyfriend expects me to take care of him and pay his bills
Q. Thanks for listening! So, my fiancee and I have been together about 2 years. He is currently unemployed no fault of his own and looking for employment. However, he acts like I should be paying for everything. I don't mind helping out some...
A. 8 July 2021: Is this really the guy you see yourself married to, raising kids with?
My guess is no - Or my HOPE is that you don't WANT to marry or have a family with a guy who is like this.
YOU DO NOT owe him anything. IF you can help out, OK that would be... (read in full...)
Things have never been the same since I cheated on my boyfriend. He just does whatever he wants
Q. My boyfriend is disappearing off on a lads holiday next month the same weekend as our anniversary. It’s really annoyed me but he doesn’t care a bit. To be honest our whole relationship has been tainted for a while and it’s all my fault. I cheated ...
A. 8 July 2021: Am I fighting a losing battle?
No, you already lost the battle. The gorse is dead so stop beating it.
You have been taught a valuable lesson, that actions have consequences. YOU cheating = relationship ruined.
Things like cheating aren't jus... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't believe that I'm a virgin
Q. I'm 24 years old and I never had sex before. Not even dated any men before. I started dating this guy 7 months ago and on May 1st we had our first sexual intercourse. It all started well but when we tried the 69 position he kept telling me he saw a ...
A. 7 July 2021: Drop him.
There is no cover over the entrance to the vagina. And no 2 vaginas look the same.
Also, just HOW much experience does he have looking at vaginas? Is he a gynecologist? If not, he needs to shut up.
My guess is, that he just w... (read in full...)
I feel insecure about my partner's female friend
Q. I'm feeling insecure about a female friend of my partners. In all honesty I'm naturally anxious and have low self-esteem however I've been working on this in therapy and feel I'm making huge strides, even my partner has said as much. But this one...
A. 7 July 2021: Good for you for working on yourself. The fact that you don't rely on HIM to make you feel secure 24/7. THAT is your job.
So your BF has a slut for a female friend, well most women wouldn't be over the moon in that situation. And yes, I'm slut-sha... (read in full...)
Is she just teasing me or playing overly hard to get?
Q. I’ve been going out with a girl for a few months now. Things are going really well and I really like her but she keeps sending me mixed messages when it comes to sex. We haven’t slept together yet, which is fine. I’m not desperate to jump into bed ...
A. 7 July 2021: I have to agree with YCNBS.
She lobs you "balls" and you don't catch them, so she too plays "dumb".
The whole bikini event, you could have said:" aww I was hoping you'd still be wearing it so I could take it off". That isn't pressuring here,... (read in full...)
I am not happy wearing the engagement ring that belonged to my future MIL
Q. My fiancée proposed to me using the same ring his dad gave his mom. I didn’t really have any negative feelings about this since it seemed sweet to keep it in the family until his mom brought up that he asked her for the ring when we we’re in a bad ...
A. 7 July 2021: I think I would definitely tell him that you would rather not use and perhaps lose the family "heirloom" but rather have a substitute ring. Then keep the one he proposed to you within a safe place.
While I think it's cute to use an heirloom... (read in full...)
Engaged to someone new, but still thinking of my Ex!
Q. Dear Cupids, I have been engaged to my boyfriend of 1 year for a month now. He is great, kind, loving, romantic, hard working etc. etc. of course with a few shortcomings that we all have. Recently though, I have become obsessed with thoughts o...
A. 6 July 2021: You know what to do. you don't really need strangers to tell you.
How do I know that?
Because you write:" I am sure some of you will say that I should block my ex from my social media so I can really move on, and if the role was reversed wit... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was raised to believe men are superior. It causes problem in our relationship
Q. Hello A bit of history. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. We have different cultures, different religions, and were interracial. At times it is challenging. I respect his culture but sometimes I do get a bit frustrated with ...
A. 6 July 2021: You are not going to change how HE thinks or how his culture/religion regards women.
What you CAN change is within you. You can either ACCEPT that this is HOW he will regard you and treat you. OR you can decide if this IS a dealbreaker or not.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's gift upset my father and I just want to fix things
Q. For my birthday my b/ of 2 years paid for me to have my nipples peirced which I have longed for for some time now. I mentioned it to my sister when we met up and word of it must have gotten round to Dad. He like totally went ballistic and when I ...
A. 5 July 2021: OP, you KNEW before getting the piercings that he wouldn't like them and would make a fuss. It can't have come as a surprise. I mean, come on!
And yes, I can see why a dad of a BARELY adult daughter would make a fuss over "sexual piercing... (read in full...)
Mixed messages from my date
Q. I’ve been on the dating apps for a few months and met some nice guys, but didn’t really click with anyone. Then I met the son of a family friend recently at a family dinner. We’re the same age and he had just moved to the same town as me. We ...
A. 5 July 2021: If I were you I would just let this one go.
Going from "love-bombing you" after ONE meeting to then cooling down once YOU set some boundaries seems off to me.
You didn't do anything wrong. You were honest and he took it as criticism.
I ... (read in full...)
How do I get my sister-in-law to back off asking about us having children?
Q. My brother and sister-in-law are pregnant. I am married. The problem is my sister-in-law keeps on asking me questions like "When are you and your wife are going to have kids?" and making comments such as "It would be nice if our kid will have so...
A. 5 July 2021: Why not JUST tell her:" We have no plans for kids, ever".
If you already have told her and she won't back off, ask your brother to tell her to stop.
Unfortunately, your brother probably has as little "control" over what she thinks and says ... (read in full...)
Why is my profession hated
Q. Thank you to all who respond. I know people are busy but the responses to thd questions I see here are really good. I am a high school spec ed teacher and as my students are high needs and could not do remote learning I was in person in my classroo...
A. 5 July 2021: Why do so many dislike teachers?
Who knows? I'd ASK whoever acts negatively towards you and your job directly for a direct answer?
I have a lot of respect for most teachers. I have, however, NOT been very happy about some of the BS that is b... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he needs to find a new girlfriend after an argument. Is he being abusive?
Q. My boyfriend, after an argument, told me he needs to find a new girlfriend, that I drive him crazy. We were having a disagreement about his male friend. His friend and I got off to a bad start. He doesn't like me. My boyfriend and I were driving ...
A. 1 July 2021: "I think all of these reactions are over the top and abusive to be honest."
Yes.
However, your BF can not control WHEN his friend calls him or that his friend has a PREFERENCE to talk to your BF when YOU are not around. That is on the friend... (read in full...)
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