He's more than just a crush but I might put my job in jeopardy – Do I just go for it?
Q. I can’t stop thinking about a guy who goes to the gym I work at. He’s literally dominating my thoughts. The problem is I’m a Personal Trainer so as well as helping run the gym I’m not really supposed to date or be in a relationship with any ...
A. 9 October 2021: I forgot to add the age-old advice, don't eat where you crap. Don't date where you work.
Figure it out, be professional. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends peeps
Q. my boyfriend of 2 years has a close group of friends and live in a small town and do alot together. when we met they were all nice to me. there are about 12 in this group and five women of the twelve. one woman in particular they have no int...
A. 7 October 2021: Some people never outgrow "high school". This woman is one of them.
You are a WHOLE-grown person and can stick up for yourself if needed. You don't need your BF to do that. You might WANT him to do it, but it's not going to happen.
This gr... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a neighbor who fixes things asks for gifts instead of money but then when the works is done wants the money too
Q. 16 months ago when I move in to my home I met my neighbor who is a nice friendly guy. We have a shared drive and some tiles were coming loose. He told me he would fix them. I thanked him and asked him to let me know how much he wanted for it. ...
A. 7 October 2021: Stop giving him a "gift" as payment. Just say you will wait and pay money instead.
OR STOP accepting help from him AT ALL. Find someone else to do the work.
Honestly, though, it's probably cheaper to buy him a bottle of wine and $20 to fix t... (read in full...)
My girlfriend in the hospital were the nurses talking to her in a sexual manner?
Q. Do u think my gf saying that in front of me was meaning it w a sexual undertone. She been in hospital for a week from the covid vaccine bs that gave her blood infection and she about died. But she almost done recovering. Or am I being paranoid...
A. 7 October 2021: I'm with Ciar,
It was a joke. Kids get a "sucker" or Lollipop when for being good.
Nothing sexual in that.
My guess is because your GF ONCE made a sexually inappropriate comment you now read into EVERYTHING she says and look for a deeper me... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for feeling like its weird that he is secretive about how happy we are?
Q. My partner of 2 year's family has hesitated to get to know me because his ex of 5 years hasnt gotten over him. She still comes around and they seem really loyal to that relationship, despite the part where shes constantly treating my partner like ...
A. 7 October 2021: Maybe he just wants YOU "all to himself"? He shared his ex with the family and well, now they seem to prefer HER over him!
I can see why the in-laws want to be on good terms with his ex, she IS part of the family through the kids, SHE always w... (read in full...)
My longtime friend blocked me because I couldn't pick him up from the airport?
Q. This is a friendship question. I've been friends with this guy since sixth grade and we're both currently 34 years old. He informed me this past Thursday he was flying in to the States where I just moved (he lives in Mexico) and and asked if I cou...
A. 7 October 2021: Has he always been a bit on the selfish side? The one who likes to dictate everything? Decide what movie to see, where to go, when to meet up?
My guess is, this is who he is. Someone who got SO miffed that you had other plans and didn't just dro... (read in full...)
He's more than just a crush but I might put my job in jeopardy – Do I just go for it?
Q. I can’t stop thinking about a guy who goes to the gym I work at. He’s literally dominating my thoughts. The problem is I’m a Personal Trainer so as well as helping run the gym I’m not really supposed to date or be in a relationship with any ...
A. 7 October 2021: I think YCNBS's suggestions is rather clever and it might just work:)
For now, though, keep being professional. And any personal chats should happen OUTSIDE of the workplace, not on company time.
If it turns into something more, HE can cha... (read in full...)
Is my daughter wasting her time with a man 17 years older 3 kids never married
Q. My daughter is nearly 30 and is seeing a man who is 17 years older. He’s never been married but has 3 kids to two different women. He’s told her he doesn’t want anymore kids or get married. There has been a lot of ups and downs between them (more ...
A. 7 October 2021: It depends,
Does SHE want kids of her own and marriage? If she does, HE is a waste of time.
If she doesn't, he might still be a waste of time.
A guy like that (and this IS a generalization) likes to date someone younger. And someone wit... (read in full...)
I'm just ticked off that he ghosted me then texted me like nothings changed.
Q. I met a guy on a dating app and we've been out on 2 dates. I was beginning to like him, then he disappeared after the 2nd date. I texted him last Sunday telling him I had fun and we should go out again. He then suggested we should go see a movie, to ...
A. 7 October 2021: Good for you, better luck next time!
There are plenty of decent guys out there.... (read in full...)
I think my partner prefers men. How do I approach this with him?
Q. I think my partner is gay. Bold statement I know but please hear me out, I might him 4 years ago and tbh when wee first met I thought he was fully gay and thought wee would just be friends but one night after drinks wee ended up in bed. The next...
A. 6 October 2021: Not all bisexuals go from male to female partners over and over, some DO have a preference for one or the other. It doesn't make them gay. They CAN be attracted to both sexes, sexually. Most gay people are NOT going to date long-term someone of the ... (read in full...)
My fiance left and took my twin sons with her
Q. I'm a dad to a 9-year-old son and his twin brother, (non-identical twins). My fiancee cheated on me with a transman who's now detransitioning back to female, and took the kids with him. I don't know what the full story is, and it's ambiguous i...
A. 5 October 2021: I will second that.
CALL A LAWYER NOW. Get custody or visitation schedule done now. Make sure you also look into parent alienation so she doesn't pull a "the boys won't see you".
Though I'm not sure this is real. Who says: "I'm a dad to a ... (read in full...)
IF he didnt want me why is he acting like that?
Q. I really like a neighbour he did show a bit of interest but has now backed off and nothing ever developed. however i have recently been seeing someone just for mutual benefit only- i came out of this persons place and someone said hello i turned ...
A. 5 October 2021: Yikes, why would you even want anything to do with this neighbor? He is a frigging creeper!
OP, don't crap where you eat.
As in, don't date where you work or where you live. If things don't work out, it can end up being complicated and/... (read in full...)
M I wrong to worry about dad and think this could be related to dementia, or is he just being a huge jerk?
Q. My mum told me yesterday she's planning to leave dad because of his obsession with "hotwifing", i.e. a woman who has multiple sexual partners with her husband's consent. She's told him he's gone fucking crazy, but he won't accept it, insists "you...
A. 5 October 2021: First of all the majority of stuff going on with your parents is between them, Your mom and dad you should NEVER have brought you into this drama.
I don't think it's dementia - I think it's a mid-life crisis. But... I can not diagnose anyone. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend left me for another guy. But am still in love with her
Q. My girlfriend left me for another guy. But am still in love with her. What do i have to do....
A. 5 October 2021: I'm sorry, OP
That really sucks.
What do you have to do? Well, you have to accept that SHE doesn't feel the same way about you. If she did she wouldn't have left you. So while SHE was YOUR "pick", you were not HERS.
It happens. Especiall... (read in full...)
Girlfriend preoccupied with hobbies neglecting other things
Q. I just moved in with my girfriend and this is what i observe: she spends most hers days gardening or doing craft then doing nessesary everyday things like making dinner or cleaning. This is the situation: I moved into her house, i pay her ...
A. 5 October 2021: I think you need to sit her down and talk.
While I too enjoy gardening a lot, I don't "neglect" my house. Or my family. Or my pets.
Does she make money from her gardening? such as selling veggies, fruit, or flowers? If so, THAT is a job. If she... (read in full...)
I'm just ticked off that he ghosted me then texted me like nothings changed.
Q. I met a guy on a dating app and we've been out on 2 dates. I was beginning to like him, then he disappeared after the 2nd date. I texted him last Sunday telling him I had fun and we should go out again. He then suggested we should go see a movie, to ...
A. 5 October 2021:
Overall, I think you read him right. He ONLy got back in touch because someone else didn't work out. Or to make sure if whomever he IS seeing this weekend or talking to doesn't work out, you are still available. So you are a backup plan so far.... (read in full...)
relationships take two and he is doing absolutely nothing to help me
Q. Hi Cupid’s, Wanting some relationship advice about me and my partner. We have a loving relationship and respectful of each other. We have been together 3 years now and it’s going good. My friends always ask me if he is ‘the one’ but I’m unsure. ...
A. 5 October 2021: OP,
I'm a "worrier" too. Have been for most of my life really. I have been working hard on curbing the "need" to worry. For me it was always a part of my OCD, I felt I HAD to worry because if I didn't THEN bad things would happen. (because... (read in full...)
Amazing guy but underwhelming sex
Q. I've been dating this guy for about 2 months and he's amazing. We laugh together the whole time, we have loads in common, he's fun, thoughtful and I find him really attractive. We just click, it's easy and effortless when we're together.I haven't ...
A. 2 October 2021: Could be that he doesn't feel he knows you well enough for sex, to be honest. Many people want to be comfortable and familiar with a sexual partner. You can't know someone after 2 months.
Or maybe he feels like you are rushing him. Maybe it feels... (read in full...)
Unsure whether I want to continue our LDR?
Q. I met a guy online a more than a year ago and we have been together for a year now in a LDR due to COVID restrictions. We have been texting for most of the relationship and have sent voice messages to each other occasionally, but not voice call. At ...
A. 2 October 2021: I think you have lost interest and I don't blame you.
LDR's DO have a time limit. If HE doesn't feel he really knows you after a year, I think he is being honest. But how interested has he BEEN to get to know you? From what you write, not very.
... (read in full...)
I want to see my very ill cousin but I don't think his family will allow it
Q. Thanks to all who respond to this question. My cousin has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and I would like to see him soon. He has been having a hard go with the chemo. He has told his sister in Vancouver that he is not going through with it anymor...
A. 2 October 2021: Try and see if you can skype with him. He should be the one to decide if he wants to see you in person, no one else.
So call and talk to him. But don't try and put pressure on him. HIS call 100%.
... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to smooth things over between my parents and my friend?
Q. When I was in high school, there was a fellow classmate, Justin, who bullied me for being gay. He was downright mean to me. We graduated about 15 years ago. Eight years ago, he got my number from a mutual friend and called me out of the blue....
A. 2 October 2021: I would give your parents a heads up.
People grow up. He has apologized, you have accepted and forgiven him so it should be "sorted out".
Now your parents may not LIKe the idea that you are friends with him, but that choice is yours.
I woul... (read in full...)
My 8 year relationship ended for the second time and I am devastated. How do I take care of my autistic son in this state of depression?
Q. I am in a great deal of emotional pain and I feel depressed, to the point where I cannot even get out of bed. And I have a son to take care of. I NEED HELP. A few days ago an eight year relationship ended for me. The man I was with was married...
A. 29 September 2021: Yep, I think you got this portion 100% right.
"I think he used me for convenience. So that he was not alone after his marriage ended."
You KNEW from the GET GO that a married man CAN NOT commit to a side-piece (and you WERE a side piece) but ... (read in full...)
My married father is having an affair with my wife's sister
Q. Names have been changed here to protect identities. I've been married to my wife Tarnya for 8 years now, we've been together since 2007. The main problem here is an issue concerning my dad. I confronted him over rumors that he'd been having...
A. 29 September 2021: Isn't this a huge betrayal at worst?
The one who is ACTUALLY being betrayed is your mom. YOUR mom. Not you. Or your wife. Has anyone told your mom?
While I get the total cringe and I would be grossed out with my father be a cheater (mine wa... (read in full...)
My sister's inlaws trashed our apt by the sea and she doesn't want me to talk to them about it
Q. Several years ago my husband and I purchased a 2 bedroom apartment by the sea to use as a holiday home. We let our family and friends use it too when we don’t and we don’t charge them anything - they are responsible for buying their own...
A. 29 September 2021: Am I being unfair not to want them in my apartment again?
Nope. Not at all!
I get that your sister doesn't want to rock the boat with her inlaws BUT IF they EVER ask to use it again, she can refer to you and YOU can tell them no way, never ev... (read in full...)
Am I been over sensitive?
Q. Am I been over sensitive? My boyfriend of 5 month is constantly hanging up on me in mid flow of a conversation. We can be talking on the phone and he just says bye I’ve got to go and hangs up. It’s really annoying and I have ended up telling...
A. 29 September 2021: " he just says bye I’ve got to go and hangs up."
OK, he SAYS bye I got to go! That is a UNIVERSAL language for I have to go, this conversation is OVER for now.
"All I want him to say is bye I’ll speak to you later. "
You are being oversen... (read in full...)
I find I can't seem to do anything right in her eyes and I have become frustrated with the relationship.
Q. Hi aunt's and uncle's So my gf and I have been together around 2 years. She finds things to complain about ALOT. For example I don't see her much , I don't text much , I don't call much in her opinion. In my opinion I find it complete...
A. 29 September 2021: OP, Do you find that you and she are overall compatible or not?
I think after 2 years you have an idea if you two fit or don't.
Have you tried to tell her that YOU are not her? That 20-30 minutes per call seem fine to you? That you can text at ... (read in full...)
I met a man online years ago but everything seems to be at my cost
Q. Hello, I met a man online years ago but everything seems to be at my cost. He wants marriage at my financial cost. He wants to move here, at my financial cost. Yes, I went to see him several times in his country at my cost I understand th...
A. 29 September 2021: End it and look for a partner closer to home.
He IS NOT your financial relsponsibility.
You know this is sketchy. END IT.
IF you help him move to the UK you will be 100% responsible financially for him, do you want that? He might even deci... (read in full...)
My husband was very secretive about applying for a new job and now wants to uproot the whole family
Q. I'm writing in because I don't know how to cope with this situation, despite my job. I'm a social worker in my 40s, with a 13-year-old daughter, and I've been with my husband since he was 22, but married since we were 26. We live in Texas, bu...
A. 27 September 2021: Wish him luck and tell him you and your daughter aren't going.
This isn't realistic.
... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex keeps showing up at our house
Q. I've been dating my fiancee for 7 years now and things have been good. We got engaged November 2019, but delayed the wedding to mid-2022 due to covid. No exes to worry about, no drama, until now. Her ex-husband from 14 years ago when she lived...
A. 27 September 2021: I'd say contact a lawyer. See if you can seek a restraining order or a no-contact order.
Unless your fiance has kids with him, there is no reason for him to show up.
Keep the security up around the house. Lock doors and windows and KEEP calling... (read in full...)
One of my really good friends just decided to cut me off because she doesn't agree with one of my decisions.
Q. One of my really good friends just decided to cut me off because she doesn't agree with one of my decisions. I think it's a little extreme and hypocritical. The decision is that I'm meeting someone for dinner tomorrow and may be pursuing a physi...
A. 27 September 2021: Well, she is entitled to decide if she wants to be friends with you or not.
And you are entitled to CHOSE whom to have casual hookups with.
While I get that SHE already went through and thinks is a dumb thing to do (which is what I think is ... (read in full...)
Should I change my plans for her son's 18th birthday?
Q. The question I'm needing help with is this: is it okay to NOT go to my girlfriend's son's 18th birthday celebration? Here is the background: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 10 years and, therefore, have been a part...
A. 27 September 2021: Good on ya.
... (read in full...)
I'm being told I'm the father of a baby but she won't do a DNA test
Q. A girl I had a one night stand with says she’s pregnant with my baby and has been harassing me for weeks but we used a condom when we did it, so I don’t see how it could be mine. We slept together about 2 months ago after meeting in a club. It was ...
A. 25 September 2021: She can't MAKE/FORCE you pay child maintenance and REFUSE to do a DNA test.
I'd say call Citizen's advice and learn your rights. See if they can help you talk to a lawyer/solicitor.
Secondly, this is MY personal advice. THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADV... (read in full...)
I lost him in a car accident 6 years ago but I haven't been able to completely let go
Q. Thanks for reading I was engaged to to a man who I lost in 2015 due to a tragic car accident. Unfortunately, I was there and witnessed the whole thing. It took me along time not to replay everything in my head. Took me along time to sleep at...
A. 25 September 2021: Have you talked to someone? Like a grief counselor?
I think it's very normal to keep him in your heart and head still, to an extend. We all move at different speeds, and I don't think there is a cut-off point for missing someone and mourning... (read in full...)
Do I confront my cousin or leave it?
Q. In 2019 my husband and I got married. We had a very lavish wedding costing us around £50,000. We both worked extremely hard for a couple of years and made lots of sacrifices to be able to pay for it- we didn’t have any handouts. My cous...
A. 24 September 2021: Eh, what's the point in confronting her?
SHE is entitled to her opinion, just as you are to yours.
You wanted a fancy expensive wedding. It was important to you and your husband so you saved up and had an expensive wedding with all the trimming... (read in full...)
Should a guy have sex with a girl when still dating or before marriage?
Q. Dear cupids,i need advice.I've been on several blind dates until i got a girl i wanted.BUT she's asking for sex, must i?...
A. 24 September 2021: Must you?
No. You don't have to. If you don't want to have sex before marriage, tell her that. If she is willing to wait until you two know each other well enough to decide on marriage, then do so if THAT feels right.
There are no rules here. T... (read in full...)
Part of the thrill is the danger
Q. After two break ups this year I feel like I need to be on my own but I find myself for the first time wanting to engage in things I hadn't previously. I'm not sure if it's a dangerous mindset that I'm in right now that I just don't care. But I ...
A. 24 September 2021: "Men do this all the time and when a woman does people complain about it."
Nope. People don't "complain" about it because it's a woman doing it. The ONLY real difference here is that for a MAN to hook up with a stranger (woman) he is still no... (read in full...)
I've been having meaningless sex since the breakup. Is this normal?
Q. I feel pretty bad admitting this but lately I've been so cut up about my breakup and missing affection that I have been actively seeking out people just to spend the night. I'm not interested in another relationship right now and I am really picky ...
A. 24 September 2021: I think in this day and age, yes it's "normal". But... It's also a really bad way to work through a breakup in my opinion. And it IS meaningless - pointless.
I would compare it to someone who is outside in the coldest weather you can think of... (read in full...)
How do I get him to show more initiative and text me/ask me out again?
Q. I went out with a guy I met online today, and I think we both had fun. He seems like a shy/awkward/nerdy guy, so I ended up planning our date. We were together for about 3.5 hours. We split everything. He's definately an improvement to a...
A. 23 September 2021: Be honest with him.
Put the ball SQUARELY in his court. Ask him if he would like to go on a second date. If he says yes, then tell him great that you were hoping to see him again, and that you look forward to whatever HE plans, and "these" ... (read in full...)
How many people would find it impossible to tolerate someone in their home being rude and obnoxious to them?
Q. My question is this: How many people would find it impossible to tolerate someone in their home being rude and obnoxious to them? I find I have a quick cut off point where I don't want to tolerate rude, obnoxious or threatening behaviour. I ...
A. 23 September 2021: Who are these people that come into your home and act like this?
If it's family, I'd NOT invite them over. I'd meet them outside of the home for dinner, lunch, etc.
If it's "friends", then I'd probably go low contact and only see them OUTSIDE... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this unfair situation going on in my family?
Q. My fiancé and I are planning a wedding for February. We are both in her 40s and not sure we ever thought this would happen. My parents offered to pay for the wedding or offer up some thing. Today though I got a different story My brother, who is ...
A. 23 September 2021: Sorry, OP
You are a WHOLE grown-up man who should be able to fund HIS own wedding (with your fiance's help) IF the family can contribute, awesome - if they can't well, hopefully, they can be there on the big day.
I think people today totally MI... (read in full...)
What is a deal breaker for you?
Q. Hello Dear Cupid, I would like to know, in your opinion, what is a deal breaker for you? I understand that being in a relationship should be about feelings, connection, and love. Money or materials should not play a big part in a relation...
A. 23 September 2021: you ask:
"Is there something wrong with me?"
Nope. Other than you are dating a guy who isn't your equal.
No wonder he is pushing for you two to get engaged and for him to move in with you! You are an amazing meal ticket and ATM! You are ... (read in full...)
Should I change my plans for her son's 18th birthday?
Q. The question I'm needing help with is this: is it okay to NOT go to my girlfriend's son's 18th birthday celebration? Here is the background: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 10 years and, therefore, have been a part...
A. 23 September 2021: Oh for FFS!!
You go to your GF's son's birthday and miss ONE of your 6 games. It's not rocket science!
You have been part of his life from the age of 8! You can miss ONE game for this kid. I'm sure your friends will understand.... (read in full...)
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