Should I change my plans for her son's 18th birthday?
Q. The question I'm needing help with is this: is it okay to NOT go to my girlfriend's son's 18th birthday celebration? Here is the background: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 10 years and, therefore, have been a part...
A. 27 September 2021: Good on ya.
... (read in full...)
What is a deal breaker for you?
Q. Hello Dear Cupid, I would like to know, in your opinion, what is a deal breaker for you? I understand that being in a relationship should be about feelings, connection, and love. Money or materials should not play a big part in a relation...
A. 23 September 2021: you ask:
"Is there something wrong with me?"
Nope. Other than you are dating a guy who isn't your equal.
No wonder he is pushing for you two to get engaged and for him to move in with you! You are an amazing meal ticket and ATM! You are ... (read in full...)
Should I change my plans for her son's 18th birthday?
Q. The question I'm needing help with is this: is it okay to NOT go to my girlfriend's son's 18th birthday celebration? Here is the background: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 10 years and, therefore, have been a part...
A. 23 September 2021: Oh for FFS!!
You go to your GF's son's birthday and miss ONE of your 6 games. It's not rocket science!
You have been part of his life from the age of 8! You can miss ONE game for this kid. I'm sure your friends will understand.... (read in full...)
I had an emotional affair and now my whole family has turned against me
Q. I have made a massive massive mistake, I feel like I’m the past 2 years my husband of 20 years and I stopped looking at each other in the way we used to, our sex life was none existent and we where living like room mates, cue a lockdown lift meal ...
A. 23 September 2021: You are not a victim.
Actions have consequences and you found out WHICH consequences your cheating had.
You don't HAVE to live with your family. And you can't expect them to "just" forget what you did.
You BETRAYED your husband and in turn... (read in full...)
Did I get Ghosted?
Q. Backstory: Woman (42) approached me at a club and I got her # that night. Since, we've exchanged text messages and I've noticed she tends to take a while to respond unless I catch her undivided attention. She has already agreed on a date, but we ...
A. 23 September 2021: You met a woman in her 40's in a club. She could VERY likely be married. Thus she can't text "some guy" constantly. And if she IS married, it might have been "just fun" for her.
I'd say if a woman (or man) doesn't seem to engage and show interest... (read in full...)
Our LDR went from being fine to him saying he couldn't do it anymore
Q. I started a long distance relationship in June 2021 I am in northern california and he is in southern. We had met through a gathering at a restaurant in LA when I was down there in April 2021. We started talking often and right when we decided to ...
A. 23 September 2021: First of all, OP
SLOW you roll!!! Your LDR started in June this year! You can not fast-track a relationship! you can not KNOW a person in 3 months well enough to LOVE then let alone considering marriage! That is unrealistic!
He had ONLY been di... (read in full...)
We broke up 4 years ago so why do I still think of him?
Q. Hello So my ex and I were together on and off since 2012 until 2017. I say on and off because we had HUGE issues alot of the time. He didn't trust me whatsoever so that was the main reason we were off and on. Not to mention he was emotional...
A. 23 September 2021: It's hard for us to say, OP
That is something YOU perhaps need to take a ponder on.
I can give you some guesses though. To get you started.
1. It can be that you are in a way punishing yourself for having PICKED and DATED this guy. So you r... (read in full...)
I want to confront him and I don't know how. Please help?
Q. I have this guy friend with whom I used to talk every day - be it text or call. We even met a couple of times and the last time we met, he opened up about a lot of things. It was a good meeting and I definitely felt a lot closer to him. But off ...
A. 22 September 2021: I agree with YCNBS,
BLOCK and DELETE.
You are entertainment to him. When he wants to vent or get the attention he contacts you. My guess is that he is talking to multiple women and he is now busy with someone else.
He is not your frie... (read in full...)
Did I do anything wrong for leaving my dad's company? Is there anything I can do to help repair my relationship with my dad and brother?
Q. My dad owns a welding company and I been working for him since I was 16 years old (I started out as cleaning the bathrooms and stuff like that and I went to trade school to become a welder myself). I love the work and my dad always told me that he ...
A. 22 September 2021: Have you told your dad WHY you quit?
And why would your brother be GIVEN the company and not you?
I think you did the right thing here. Even though it was a verbal agreement made a long time ago, your DAD knows he made it with you. He probably... (read in full...)
Our breakups cause me extreme anxiety
Q. My girlfriend of many years and I can’t ever seem to resolve any conflicts very well. This means that almost any time we argue she gets VERY angry and very mean and seemingly wants to punish me. Most of the time an argument ends with her saying ...
A. 22 September 2021: I will second FA's advice.
What you are being exposed to is abuse. Yes, it's emotional abuse (versus physical) but it's harming you nonetheless.
Have you EVER considered just BE done? To not have to get on this horrible rollercoaster ri... (read in full...)
My husband of 3 years is not talking to me for past 4 days now.
Q. Dear cupid My husband of 3 years is not talking to me for past 4 days now. He talks only when he need something essential from me, do not respond when I talk. Eats if I cook, refuse to sit with me, sleeps on the same bed but pushes me away i...
A. 20 September 2021: First off, OP
You write: "But I am now sure I can survive without him, I feel lonely scared and he refuse to talk but expects me to respond if I ask anything"
OF COURSE, you can survive without him! You did before you met him!
I get feelin... (read in full...)
Is it a normal situation for your husband to ask you to watch him masterbate?
Q. is it a normal situation for your husband to ask you to watch him masterbate?...
A. 19 September 2021: The question is not "is it normal"?
The question is, DO you want to watch him do this? Or not? Is it part of your sex life or more "random" occupants?
Are you two fulfilling each other sexually? Maybe he knows you are not as into sex but wou... (read in full...)
My husband is always irritated at me
Q. Dear cupid My husband of 3 years gets irritated at me at even minor things. I understand people fight or argue but in our relationship there is no arguing, he shouts at top of the lungs to leave him alone and shuts down. Will not talk to me for 2...
A. 19 September 2021: You seem to have a husband who lacks self-control and empathy.
Sure, he hasn't hit YOU yet, but it might come to that. Going from punching a wall to hitting you is not as far of a stretch as you may think.
He puts ALL the blame on you. Basicall... (read in full...)
I can’t seem to ‘forgive and forget’ for what my partner has done in the past
Q. I can’t seem to ‘forgive and forget’ for what my partner has done in the past and it’s really affecting my mental health and our relationship. We’ve been together for 8 years and have a 2 year old son together. We’ve been through a lot together. I ...
A. 19 September 2021: Start working on your exit plan, which includes starting to save money. Secondly, he will have to pay you child maintenance, if you leave.
Thirdly, look into a place you CAN afford for just you and your son.
"My main priority in life is my so... (read in full...)
Are online "dalliances" with other people meaningless? Or are they unacceptable in committed relationships?
Q. Do you think that if your partner has an online account (Snapchat) you did not know about (but found out about) where he "harmlessly" chats/flirts with women (often younger!!) whenever he feels like it is cheating? He never meets them in person. It ...
A. 17 September 2021: Do I think it's meaningless?
Well, yes. Because HE has no (supposedly) intentions of making the flirtations and "online relationships" a reality.
That being said, I don't want to allude to that it's OK. Ever. HE is playing with other peopl... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be addicted to online games, but won't admit to it.
Q. Hey all. Thanks in advance for your help. My boyfriend seems to play a lot of online games. I think they are useless and a waste of time. He plays one particular online game every single day and sometimes for hours. I would rather get back to real ...
A. 17 September 2021: For many people online gaming isn't about addiction, it's escapism and entertainment. A chance to NOT sticking to the same old, same old. And it's often a source of social interactions.
Of course from YOUR viewpoint, it's pointless and useless.... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin after having only anal sex?
Q. Dear Cupid Me and a boy I’ve been seeing couldn’t control ourselves and ended up having anal sex despite the fact that we’re both Mormon and are forbidden from having sex until we’re married. Whilst we’ve both agreed to keep it a secret from our ...
A. 16 September 2021: Whatever your brothers are doing is irrelevant. They are not you and they are NOT lying to your parents.
Anal sex is sex. Yes. Are you a virgin? Well, depends on how "technical" you want to get. The "technical/clinical term" virgin is equated ... (read in full...)
My colleague has been distant since my invitation
Q. Hi All, Any advice would be most helpful. I work with a man that's been with the team I work with for a month - we get on incredibly well and there's been a lot of flirting, eye contact and teasing . He's always interested in what I've been doi...
A. 16 September 2021: While I don't think it was totally professional to add on to a work e-mail (which I think you did) It wasn't egregious either.
You put the ball squarely, yet subtly in his court and he didn't pick it up. So now you know where you stand. He enjoy... (read in full...)
How do I end things without him going psycho?
Q. I went out with a guy that i met online twice, and am really not feeling him. He's not my usual type, but we are in the same profession and have a lot of common interests, so I took a chance on him. He has already mentioned liking me, thinks w...
A. 16 September 2021: I just wanted to add, I would NOt break up in person. It's been two dates you can definitely do it over the phone or text.
... (read in full...)
My husband and I have different views on breastfeeding
Q. Thanks for reading I'm married and we share 1 child together. We are from different cultures and have different beliefs My husband wants me to breastfeed for 3 years! I believe 6-9 months is ample time. I tried telling him 3 years is muc...
A. 15 September 2021: Talk to your doctor if in doubt.
Also, it's YOUR boobs, YOUR body thus YOUR decision.
I breastfed all 3 of mine. #1 was for 19 months (which was WAYYYYY too long but weaning her was darn near impossible) #2 was for 9 months, she weaned herse... (read in full...)
I'm exhausted and ready to break up with my boyfriend
Q. I am 27 years old and had 3 long time boyfriends. This guy is 4th. I am not a dater..actualy hate this process.I tried but then i discovered that most of my dated are in for sex ..i guess i dont have enough interest in just that. I came from ver...
A. 15 September 2021: Here is the thing, OP
You thought you knew the guy after 6 months of dating. But as it turned out, YOU didn't. It took a vacation for you to see him 24/7 and to see that you are NOt compatible after all.
My advice? Wait a LITTLE longer th... (read in full...)
How do I end things without him going psycho?
Q. I went out with a guy that i met online twice, and am really not feeling him. He's not my usual type, but we are in the same profession and have a lot of common interests, so I took a chance on him. He has already mentioned liking me, thinks w...
A. 15 September 2021: Just be upfront. And tell him:" I don't think we are a good fit and I don't see this working out, I wish you well". And then you BLOCK him. Make sure your social media is ALREADY secured before telling him (so he can't troll for info on your ... (read in full...)
How does a first time father prepare for triplets?
Q. My wife is pregnant with triplets. We are prepared with all the stuff they will need like diapers, bottles, clothes, beds, etc, but I am not mentally prepared at all. Twins run in her family but I never thought we'd have triplets. Especially not t...
A. 13 September 2021: Congrats! That is more than a handful or two, isn't it!?
I'd get myself a book or two.
And then PREPARE for NOT getting much sleep.
Enlist the help of family and friends. Not everyone can afford a night nanny or a babysitter round the clo... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious of my husband's actions and feel stuck and desperate
Q. Dear cupid I am married to my current husband for past 3 years and we have known each other for about 6 years He often hangs out with his friends and crash in their place for about a day or two, this happened thrice in past 2 months. His car ...
A. 13 September 2021: Thanks for the update OP
I hope you also spend some of the time you are left to your own devices to figure out if THIS is what you want your life to be. A husband who puts you last. Who thinks nothing of it to leave you stuck without YOUR car for ... (read in full...)
Do I stop having a crush on my friend's brother?
Q. Where to begin... I've gotten to know my good friend's family and they are super nice. My friend has siblings and this particular one he's close with, so when his family is hosting events, I'm invited and I help. During these events, I've noticed ...
A. 12 September 2021: I'd probably stay away from this friend's brother.
Seems like you two don't share the same values. Can you imagine dating a guy who is constantly being hit on at the Gym? Who is acting VERY friendly with female clients? Who is very into the oute... (read in full...)
Has FWB developed feelings
Q. So after the breakup of my marriage I didn’t want anything serious from anyone but struck up a FWB deal with an old school friend (we are now in our forties) we saw each other maybe 3 times a year (we live hundreds of miles apart) for a few days ...
A. 12 September 2021: My question to you is this, DOES it matter?
Let's say he developed feelings, then what? He is in no REAL position to actually date you. I'm guessing he is cohabitating with his ex and kids out of financial need? Because he can't afford to live on ... (read in full...)
Am I dealing with a narcissist?
Q. Has anyone of you aunts and uncles come across a narcissist? I’ve being dating an older man for over three month. He came across amazing, he’s got a good job, three children and seemed like he had his life sorted. He talked about our future, told...
A. 12 September 2021: Just stop wasting your time, OP
He was able to keep up "appearances" of being a good man for not EVEN 3 months before the mask fell off. HE on PURPOSE didn't spend that much time with you IN person because the mask would have slipped faster. ... (read in full...)
People are threatening me
Q. People are threatening me. I don't know if I should disclose their details to the police. J have called them and they said it's harrassment. But these are the type of people who hate police and anyone involved with them. They recorded a sensitive ...
A. 12 September 2021: "If I do then it'll start a shitstorm"
If you don't your life will still be a shitstorm.
I say call the Police.
... (read in full...)
What's a fair way to split rent?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and living in the USA. I currently make 54K. My boyfriend was making minimum wage but just graduated university and accepted a job offer for a nearly identical salary. I’m currently living...
A. 12 September 2021: I'd say make a budget FIRST.
That way you two know how much to "put in the shared pot" and how much you are each left with. After that, you two can adjust the payments so it WORKS for you both and is fair.
Keep finances separate. UNTIL ... (read in full...)
My husband's family would not come to our wedding because I would not get vaccinated
Q. So, I married my partner of two years last weekend. His parents feel very strong about covid and the Vaccine. Before the vaccine was developed, I was allowed to be around his family. I chose to not get the vaccine and since then it has been so much ...
A. 12 September 2021: If you have already HAD Covid you have antibodies. The ones you get from the Covid shot degrades faster than the ones your body MADE when you first went through Covid.
* reference:
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01442-9
* https://w... (read in full...)
I really want to trust my husband but can't seem to
Q. I really want to trust my husband because I am tired of being paranoid and untrusting. But I don't know how to get rid of the anxiety and thoughts in my head. He hasn't done anything to warrant it, but I was bullied for 10 years as a child, mayb...
A. 12 September 2021: Sounds like you could use some therapy OP I'd suggest some CBT, it's a short-term therapy and you CAN do it over zoom, so you don't HAVE to leave your house.
You need to unpack your past so you can deal with it and put it away. So YOU can live and... (read in full...)
It's the third year anniversary of my dad's death today and my boyfriend doesn't seem to care
Q. My dad died on September 11, 2018 and today is the 3 year anniversary of his death. My boyfriend is not supportive of me at all and it feels like my grief is an imposition on him. It is a hard day for me but he doesn't seem to understand. He h...
A. 12 September 2021: I so dislike when people presume others should "just get over their grief" by XX date. That is not how grief works.
Your BF is an inconsiderate person. Not a compassionate one.
HE doesn't grieve your father. (nor does he have to) But not unde... (read in full...)
Morning sickness has left me completely exhausted! Help me please!
Q. Hi everyone I am about to turn 32 and I’m 8 weeks pregnant with our first child. Although I knew pregnancy wouldn’t be easy, I didn’t realise I would be so sick! We didn’t plan on getting pregnant but I stopped the pill after 10 years for blood ...
A. 9 September 2021: I forgot - exercise can also help JUST don't do heavy weight or overdo it. I did Prenatal Yoga and swimming and loved it.... (read in full...)
It bothers me that my bf likes other women's pics on social media
Q. Hello aunts and uncles So my bf and myself have been together about 2 years. He is very active on social media. Always liking womens pics. For some reason it does bother me I think because he has cheated in the past and I've asked him nicely...
A. 9 September 2021: So he is liking other women's pictures online (which I get, it's a bit sleazy for a guy with a GF) but YOU apparently go through his social media to NOTICE all these likes?
Honey, get off social media or STOP following him or checking his social m... (read in full...)
I don't find my husband attractive when he shaves his beard!
Q. When my husband shaves his beard I do not find him attractive at all. I have mentioned this to him and when he tries to kiss me and become affectionate I pull back because I do not like how he looks. He looks like another person when he has his ...
A. 9 September 2021: Well, that is a bit shallow OP
What if you dye or cut your hair and your husband pulls away because you are not as attractive to him anymore?
Grow up.
It's the PERSON you are married to, not the beard (I hope)
... (read in full...)
Morning sickness has left me completely exhausted! Help me please!
Q. Hi everyone I am about to turn 32 and I’m 8 weeks pregnant with our first child. Although I knew pregnancy wouldn’t be easy, I didn’t realise I would be so sick! We didn’t plan on getting pregnant but I stopped the pill after 10 years for blood ...
A. 9 September 2021: For some the morning sickness lasts a week or two or a trimester (so 3 months) for others it's all 9 months. Yeah, not fun on the last one.
I have 3 kids and all 3 pregnancies were different. So there is no way of knowing.
According to ... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious of my husband's actions and feel stuck and desperate
Q. Dear cupid I am married to my current husband for past 3 years and we have known each other for about 6 years He often hangs out with his friends and crash in their place for about a day or two, this happened thrice in past 2 months. His car ...
A. 7 September 2021: I think you have come to realize that marrying this guy was a mistake.
This is my guess. You thought he would change after marriage. Spend more time with you and less with his friends. You thought he married you because he cares. He doesn't ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if what he says is true or is he just using excuses not to see me
Q. I wrote on here asking for advice on dating a man with children and where do I fit in at. I’m really starting to think I need to walk away from this situation. I met him for a few hours and he told me his first ex has being diagnosed with c...
A. 5 September 2021: Like I said in my other answer, you two want different things OP
YOU want a BF who WANTS to get to know you and spend time with you, HE wants to "FEEL" like he has a GF. But he doesn't have the time to INVEST in a relationship. So he expects ... (read in full...)
Is it selfish that she organised this party knowing our wedding will only be a few days later?
Q. My partner and I are getting married in a few weeks time. His sister has organised a birthday party for her kids a few days before our wedding and invited 30 kids and lots of the guests who will be attending our wedding. We are worried that if one ...
A. 5 September 2021: I don't really think so. but I get what you are feeling. I do think it was a bit thoughtless of her, regardless of Covid. Even without the pandemic who throws a big party DAYS before a wedding? Even if it is for kids? She could have done it the ... (read in full...)
I'm not interested in being his rebound
Q. Hi I used to date a guy briefly years ago and he had alot of baggage I wasn't ready to deal with so I ended things quickly. Recently, he contacted me we have been texting again. He told me he had big feelings for me before and was hurt I en...
A. 4 September 2021: You ask:
"What kind of person even asks these things?"
I'd guess, someone who is afraid of being on his own. Someone who wants constant support. Plenty of people jump from person to person out of some scarcity notion. That is, if they don't h... (read in full...)
He drinks too much!So?
Q. My bf drinks too much anytime i talk to him bout it he just whines.he usally come back late,and am worried.should i be? ...
A. 4 September 2021: You are 13-15?
Or did you write the wrong age group here?
I'm going to presume you are NOT 13-15 but older. If your BF drinks too much, you can make a CHOICE to stay with him or leave.
You can't control or "make him" do what you want.
Whi... (read in full...)
Has anyone struggled with life for so long and actually managed to turn your life around for the better?
Q. Has anyone been able to gain there confidence at such a later part in your life and been truly happy? I have been in a rut and stuck in life for years now. I didn't realise how much hope and spark I'd lost in life.. I go to work come back waste ...
A. 4 September 2021: Find things that YOU enjoy (other than dating and such) things you CAN do alone but also SHARE with others.
Learn a skill or a language. Doesn't matter what (other than something you are interested in of course). KEEP working on you.
You tal... (read in full...)
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