I now know he lied to me about his ex, in order to break up with her, and be with me and it concerns me. Should I listen to my heart over this?
Q. I'm not sure how to handle the situation I'm in. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR and have been together about 2 years. We have plans to be engaged next year and move in together. However, there's something in my heart that I'm not able to let g...
A. 6 June 2015: "So why can't he just re-iterate those and not try to put the blame on her?"
Because it is EASIER to blame her. She can't speak up, she has no voice in this. My guess is... HE doesn't even THINK he did anything wrong. And... let's face it.. it ... (read in full...)
How do I instigate our breakup so we can stay on good terms?
Q. Hello agony Aunts, I need some advice. The current relationship i am in is my first, and it is also the first for my BF. We have been together for about 6/7 months. I have come to the conclusion that it is probably time to end it. He ...
A. 6 June 2015: You are welcome.
It is NEVER easy to break up with someone you care for even if it's no longer a relationship with a future.
All I can say is it doesn't GET any easier, but at least you know you didn't string him along, hoping HE would end it.... (read in full...)
How do I instigate our breakup so we can stay on good terms?
Q. Hello agony Aunts, I need some advice. The current relationship i am in is my first, and it is also the first for my BF. We have been together for about 6/7 months. I have come to the conclusion that it is probably time to end it. He ...
A. 5 June 2015: I would be honest and tell him you feel you have lost the connection, that seeing each other once a month is not enough for you.
That you aren't mad at him, but feel you WANT more from a relationship than you are getting.
Then wish him well, a... (read in full...)
He says there is is no need to spend on me until we get married!
Q. I'm 24year plus and my guy is 30 plus we both love eachother despite i was aware that he had a child out of wedlock and he is a contractor by proffession and im a pertime student and working as a secretary in a small studio where i earn little ...
A. 5 June 2015: I have to agree with CMMP
He doesn't OWE you to pay for your bills. Of course his daughter school fees are MORE important. YOU can EARN a living and pay for your school fees.. his daughter CAN'T.
Love has nothing to do with WHAT or how MUCH... (read in full...)
I like girls but like to watch gay porn and don't get turned on by girls. Am I gay?
Q. I still like girls but i like to watch gay porn and i dont get turned on by girls alot am i gay?...
A. 5 June 2015: I agree with CMMP
I just want to add that MAYBE you should cut out the porn. It's not something that will HELP you in life and what you SEE has nothing to do with reality (as far as healthy sex). It's about as fake as it can get.
Check out... ... (read in full...)
I just want things to be on good terms again, as it hurts that we have fallen out in this way.
Q. Hi, I had a bad fall out with a guy I was seeing. He totally overacted with me, thinking I was stirring up trouble between him and this other lady he was flirting with online, although they are now seeing each other too. The trouble is - even ...
A. 5 June 2015: WHY n EARTH do you think you OWE him to make amends?
The DUDE was seeing you AND flirting with another chick and when you found out he "overreacted" and threw a fit...
Why do you think you OWE him an explanation?
And honestly, if some... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there who actually don't like strip clubs?
Q. Are there guys out there who actually DON'T like strip clubs? I live in a mining town and strip clubs are starting to pop up everywhere, and since mining is a very male dominated field, guys go there after work to bond, and blah blah. I've been tol...
A. 5 June 2015: Yes, there ARE guys out there who don't frequent strip clubs or sleep with strippers/call-girls/prostitutes. And there are guy out there who can spot the difference from a "porn star looking girl" to an average girl and who actually prefer the real ... (read in full...)
Has the time come to encourage this friendship, or move on and not make the same mistake again?
Q. I was friends with this guy for about 2 years. After I broke up with my partner, he admitted he had feelings for me. I turned him down nicely, and we remained close friends for a further 6 months or so. Eventually, I got back with the partner I ha...
A. 5 June 2015: I think HE isn't looking to be your friend again. He kind of made a point of NOT wanting to talk.
YOU did do the right thing in stopping being friends, because he WASN'T a friend, he was romantically INTERESTED in you.
Let's say you start ta... (read in full...)
What to do if the sex still sucks after 2 years? She doesn't seem to be into me...Nor into sex in general
Q. I'm not feeling like I'm sexually wanted by my girlfriend of now 2 years. I'm 25 and she's 28 and we've been, as said, together for 2 years. In the start we had debates about this and eventually it settled to sex when I wanted to have sex b...
A. 5 June 2015: I don't think she is with you for your "success". I genuinely think she has never HAD good sex till you came along.
BUT, what YOU see as great sex and what SHE sees at great sex may not be the same.
Do you put a LOT of effort into pleasing he... (read in full...)
I now know he lied to me about his ex, in order to break up with her, and be with me and it concerns me. Should I listen to my heart over this?
Q. I'm not sure how to handle the situation I'm in. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR and have been together about 2 years. We have plans to be engaged next year and move in together. However, there's something in my heart that I'm not able to let g...
A. 5 June 2015: How do you know he lied about her?
Did he tell you, or did she? Or a third party?
I think the biggest thing here is, that you feel you were at fault in his break up too, because you believed in his lies.
BUT here is the thing, telling a guy... (read in full...)
I think it is wrong for a guy to ask for a woman's personal address after one date. I don't know how to handle it. Also he sent me the text at midnight and it woke me up.
Q. Having met a guy via a dating website a couple of months ago and exchanging personal emails (quite lengthy ones) we decided to meet up a few days ago. We live about 2 hours from each other so I was happy to meet half way. I'm really careful about ...
A. 5 June 2015: I don't think it's TOO forward to ask for your address if you hit it off on the date... HOWEVER, if YOU feel it's too soon - tell him. There is nothing WRONG in say I'm not comfortable giving out my address till I know you better.
As for texting ... (read in full...)
I am married with a child but still think back to my one true love.
Q. Dear Cupid I lead an untraditional life, I am an Arabic female in my late 20`s, I am not a rich Arab, in fact I am from a poor/ developed country, my family/society are fanatics religious and everything is judged based in a certain mentalit...
A. 5 June 2015: Some people make a HUGE impression on us, emotionally, physically etc. My first BF is still a person I'd say I love. I love him like a brother though. We shared SO much in those 4 1/2 years. Mainly good things. He was GOOD for me and GOOD to me. ... (read in full...)
Am I too sensitive and am I overeacting to my Boyfriend's comments about other women?
Q. Tell me if I'm over reacting... My boyfriend and I are in our 40's and have been dating for almost 2 years. He has a habit of putting women down. It could be a stranger that walks by in public "wow is she fat" or even a friend of ours such as ...
A. 5 June 2015: EDIT - sorry my spell checker is a moron... *facepalm*
I wrote:
Just think about WHAT he said when you brought up the fear of YOU being a target... he IMMEDIATELY attracted you...
Should have been:
Just think about WHAT he said when you br... (read in full...)
My partner has a child and we are trying to integrate me into the family.
Q. I am dating an older man who I have been with for over two years. He is divorced with a 6 year old. She has met me and known me for a little over a year and I would appreciate any tips on how to start integrating our lives. His ex wife is moving ...
A. 5 June 2015: You have TWO great resources in him and the ex-wife (if they are civil) and there REALLY are a ton of "self-help" books out there too, I wouldn't be surprised if you can find a step-parent forum and talk to other "steps" as well.
I would just adv... (read in full...)
I'm crushing on a stripper!
Q. Went to a male strip club with a friend and had a blast! We weren't there for anything but dancing and the shows. I was dancing with my friend when I turned around and saw two very sweet blue eyes. He was a new dancer who seemed kinda serious and ...
A. 5 June 2015: Skip this one.
Seriously. He will soon be used to ALL those gawking females and enjoy it.
And OF COURSE it didn't feel like an act. He is still new. All this attention is new to him and so far he hasn't figured out JUST how much money he ca... (read in full...)
Would you ever ask your spouse to take a lie detector test?
Q. If you thought that your spouse was cheating on you or was doing something weird but never had any evidence except weird behavior and lack of affection. Would you ask them to take a lie detector test? Why or why not? No missing time. No...
A. 5 June 2015: No I wouldn't.
I would talk to him and try and figure out what's up. If it's new (newer) behavior I would look back to see if I can pinpoint when it started, to see if there was any major events in your lives.
ADD AND depression? that... (read in full...)
Am I too sensitive and am I overeacting to my Boyfriend's comments about other women?
Q. Tell me if I'm over reacting... My boyfriend and I are in our 40's and have been dating for almost 2 years. He has a habit of putting women down. It could be a stranger that walks by in public "wow is she fat" or even a friend of ours such as ...
A. 4 June 2015: Yes, I have to ask why you are still with him?
Do you think somehow you can make his past experiences with women better?
I think his dad was a MAJOR Misogynist and HE learned from his dad how to PUT down women. That is something he pro... (read in full...)
How do I begin to get over this?
Q. Alright, so, this might be a little long of a story, and I'm sorry for anyone who doesn't like to read. Okay, so, I met this guy about 7 months ago and we hit it off pretty nicely. We texted like almost everyday. About everything and anything. Fi...
A. 4 June 2015: He is an asshat.
That simple.
You were chatting with a guy who HAD a GF. NO wonder he didn't want to met up. He didn't want to get caught.
Then you were FOOLISH enough (sorry) to have sex with him, even though you were NOT his GF, nor did... (read in full...)
My mother is an undiagnosed psychopath and I don't know how to handle it.
Q. Hi, I didn't speak with my mother for about 1-2 years after a huge fall out, and she broke the silence with a text, and so I made a call to her, we met at a coffee shop, which was really hard, and then I met her again some months later and then m...
A. 4 June 2015: I agree with Code Warrior.
CUT her off. I know she is your mom and for most of us MOM means a great deal, for most of us though MOM means a GREAT and POSITIVE influence, not one that tears you down.
Your family MIGHT judge you. THAT is on them.... (read in full...)
My partner has a child and we are trying to integrate me into the family.
Q. I am dating an older man who I have been with for over two years. He is divorced with a 6 year old. She has met me and known me for a little over a year and I would appreciate any tips on how to start integrating our lives. His ex wife is moving ...
A. 4 June 2015: There are a BUNCH of step parent books out there that I would read if I were in your shoes.
The Courage To Be A Stepmom: Finding Your Place Without Losing Yourself by Sue Patton Thoele might be a good start.
TALK to your partner about ru... (read in full...)
He has a long term girlfriend but gets touchy feely with me a lot!
Q. Hi guys, I really like this friend of mine for a year. I never tell him how I fee because he has a long distance relationship with a girlfriend. But sometimes he keeps sending me mix signals that makes me wonder if he likes me more than ...
A. 4 June 2015: If I were you I'd keep my feelings to myself. Why, you may ask...? Because HE has a GF, and he is CHOOSING to BE with her even if he at times is unsure of the relationship.
If all the touchy stuff makes you think he LIKES you, maybe you need to ... (read in full...)
I want to know if my girlfriend's actions are normal, or if I am over reacting
Q. So i have been in a relationship for 8 years with this girl who is now heading to another country for her post graduate. She is super excited but is also acting super weird about it. She started stalking guys who will be in her batch, and tells...
A. 4 June 2015: Sounds like she think she is going to be single when going of to study. Talking to you about another guy who is cute? but DAMN he isn't single? And you didn't tell her straight up that it was MESSED up thing for her to say?
What would I do? Well... (read in full...)
I'm caught in a relationship triangle. What should I do?
Q. My boy friend told me after we started dating that he had a girl friend before me and they break up. Now the girl has just returned explaining her cause of the previous action and wants a second chance. The guy feels that this girl deserves a second ...
A. 4 June 2015: Let him go. He is not over her if he is considering giving her a second chance. Which means you are NOT his priority.
And personally, if he show up at your door a month down the road wanting YOU back, tell him no - he made his choice.
Sorry.... (read in full...)
Should I say hello or wait till he does?
Q. I do a gym class and it's normally with the same people and this guy, for my first class got my mat when I was a little late and he would catch my eye quite a lot in the mirror in front and definitely 'check me out' and show of his muscles every now ...
A. 4 June 2015: Just say hi. It's not like you are asking him to marry you tomorrow and have kids with you... is it?
Just say hi and smile.. :)
... (read in full...)
Am I too sensitive and am I overeacting to my Boyfriend's comments about other women?
Q. Tell me if I'm over reacting... My boyfriend and I are in our 40's and have been dating for almost 2 years. He has a habit of putting women down. It could be a stranger that walks by in public "wow is she fat" or even a friend of ours such as ...
A. 4 June 2015: I would not like that either. It should such a GENERAL disrespect for women. NOT just the ones you know, but random strangers. And yes, I would NOT be surprised if at some point he will start to critique you as well.
I don't think you are being "t... (read in full...)
Am I being an unfair roommate?
Q. Hey aunts... quick question Me and my 2 friends decided to get a three bedroom apt and split the bills. My situation is I want to try living on my own, I do pay bills at my mothers house but I want to see how it is to be on my own. My best friend s...
A. 4 June 2015: I understand what you are saying, she wants the Master and feels entitled because she brings furniture.
SO what? It's HER choice to take the furniture with her and "share" them, it's HER choice to NOT put them in storage. HOW does that make HER... (read in full...)
I seem to have outgrown my circle of friends ....
Q. I don't particularly like any of my friend group anymore. They still act like teenagers. I rarely reply to group WhatsApp conversations because I just can't relate to it it's usually so childish. When I do respond... I'm usually ignored. I don't ...
A. 4 June 2015: I'd say MAKE an effort to find friend(s) you have more in common with.
And as for your old "friends", TAKE them for what they are... old acquaintances. Sometimes people we classify as friends AREN'T really friends, they are acquaintances. If they... (read in full...)
My ex is using my insecurities as a bargaining tool.
Q. Hi everyone I need some reassurance, really, as I'm finding it hard to properly separate from my ex and he keeps talking about getting back together - it's confusing me and I keep being drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. Maybe the first thin...
A. 4 June 2015: What it breaks down it, is that YOU do NOT really WANT to be with him, but he keeps pulling you back in.
Only way to TRY and "fix" that is CUT HIM OFF 100% from contacting you. Block his number, delete it (or better yet, get a new phone number),... (read in full...)
He's a copy-cat and his actions are disconcerting. What can I do?
Q. hey guys, here's the thing....just tell me if I'm overreacting or over thinking this . i think my best friend is being a copycat . he copies me everytime. me and him have been best friends since four years now and since last two years I'm notici...
A. 4 June 2015: You know the saying:
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." ? This is it. He sees you are his "guide" on how to do it right. So when you do things, say things, he copies in hopes of getting the same results. Whether it is with the girl... (read in full...)
Is the pill alone enough?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We live together, and we are very much in love. I am on the pill, and I'm very faithful about taking it every day. We haven't used condoms since about a month or two into our relationship, we have ...
A. 4 June 2015: If you two still worry about pregnancy even with the pill WHY not continue to use the condoms?
The pill Is very effective, but it doesn't take much to change that, a case of the tunny runs/throw ups, being on antibiotics and certain suppleme... (read in full...)
We messaged as friends after the breakup. So why the change in her tone, after so long?
Q. Hi guys Apologies in advance for this mammoth of an essay! I broke up with my girlfriend 2 years ago. It was a mutual thing (we realised we had different ambitions and priorities) and we managed to remain friends afterwards, even meeting...
A. 3 June 2015: Maybe it is a LITTLE bit about hurt pride here? She rather DUMP you as a friend than make her BF feel uncomfortable?
She has to do what's RIGHT for her, and if that means NO LONGER being friends with you, there really isn't much you can do.
F... (read in full...)
How do I stop X, (B’s father) having sex with me?. Don't want B (my Bf) to find out
Q. I am a 34 year old woman and have been living with my boyfriend, C, since I divorced my husband fifteen years ago. Both C and I love having sex and we have at least twice a day. C's widowed father, X, 57 years old, lives with us. In January ...
A. 3 June 2015: Well, THIS is what you get when you cheat. And you didn't just CHEAT you SCREWED his father!
It will come out eventually. These thing ALWAYS do.
Not having had sex for 3 weeks is NOT excuse to cheat. There is masturbation for those "drought t... (read in full...)
Do I confront him or stop talking to him because of his dating site profiles?
Q. i met a man online and he's 3 years younger at 25 now 28 and doing very well for himself. We have been together 2.5 years now and have been there to listen and comfort each other when life threw setbacks at us despite us being more than 2000 mil...
A. 3 June 2015: You two have been dating 2 1/2 years and there is no plan for either of you to move closer to each other? No plan to make this LDR a NON-LDR?
If not, I wouldn't MAKE those plans. He is STILL looking for something (hence the dating profiles... (read in full...)
I have a phobia about people throwing up. How can I get over the phobia?
Q. I'm going to a festival this weekend and it's my first one. I've always wanted to go to one but I have a phobia of sick and there is always someone throwing up of too much alcohol. I'm not looking forward to it that much as I'm going with my bo...
A. 3 June 2015: I can't handle throw up either, never could. If someone else started to up chuck... I'd follow. I can't even handle the cats having hairballs... go figure. My older brother used to mimic the sound and body language of someone puking just to tease ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or leave because of the behaviour of my fiancé?
Q. I've been with my fiancé for 4 years. He is hardworking, doesn't drink or smoke and has no interest in sports. He tells me he loves me every day. He is thoughtful in other ways too. What I can't get past is his staring at women every time we g...
A. 3 June 2015: I agree with YouWish too. What a creep. This guy has no respect for women, we are just meat on LEGS for him to ogle.
Gross!
Sounds like you are more worried about the financial difficulty leaving him then the NASTY reality of who he is. You a... (read in full...)
Why would a man stay with a woman who subjects him to emotional/ psychological (mental) abuse?
Q. I have this male friend who is constantly getting mental abuse from his girlfriend for the past couple years they've been together. He has told me he tells his girlfriend how it makes him feel but she continues to do. I've told him to leave he...
A. 3 June 2015: Just like many women who are abused stay, same goes for men.
If you have told him repeatedly to get away and he STAYS, then he HAS made a choice. The choice is, he is NOT ready, willing or able to leave.
If it annoys you to listen to it, te... (read in full...)
Will moving out make it more likely that my Bf and I will break up?
Q. I have a what I feel a lose-lose situation. My boyfriend and I have been together since 2008 but in 2012 had a baby girl In 2013 I moved in with him and his mom we are 23 now so living with her is very difficult she observes how I treat her son an...
A. 2 June 2015: Then you need to find someone else to watch the baby. His mom doesn't seem all that stable as it is. Maybe her watching the baby isn't the best solution either.
YOU need to find a way to get out of that house, have a job and different place to... (read in full...)
How do you juggle dating and parenting?
Q. I am a single parent and I need advice on how to juggle dating and parenting. It's funny because you have your parents/family, etc, encouraging you to "meet someone and settle down." Well I met someone. Things didn't work and now I have a child ...
A. 2 June 2015: I think you CAN do both.
I'm sorry your mom seems to think that YOU having a child means YOUR life is over. I don't think it is. Maybe what she really means is, she doesn't WANT you to get hurt by another man again. In her logic if you don't da... (read in full...)
What are winning strategies to use when asking a girl for a date?
Q. Hello all. This is quite a simple one really. I guess essentially what I'm asking for your advice on is how to ask a girl out! At the gym I go to, I regularly see this girl who I am very attracted too. My confidence isn't particularly go...
A. 2 June 2015: I agree with Notsohappy.
If you two end up being done with work out about the same time, ask her out for a coffee - if she seems interested,ask her out on a date.
MANY women are not comfortable with a stranger asking them out, right off the ba... (read in full...)
Why do some people argue that violence against women in porn is rare?
Q. Why do some people argue that violence against women in porn is rare? Especially when recent research has shown that almost 90% of porn shows violence against women . Is it ignorance, because it serves their agenda to not acknowldged it or because ...
A. 2 June 2015: So DO something about it? Other then posting on DC?
I think it's great when people find issues they are passionate about and TRY to go out and change the world or the view.
So go for it!... (read in full...)
Will moving out make it more likely that my Bf and I will break up?
Q. I have a what I feel a lose-lose situation. My boyfriend and I have been together since 2008 but in 2012 had a baby girl In 2013 I moved in with him and his mom we are 23 now so living with her is very difficult she observes how I treat her son an...
A. 2 June 2015: I would look into the various programs in your STATE for young mothers (that would INCLUDE housing, schools etc) since you are NOT married you CAN qualify for some of these.
You BF's priority is his mom, then baby, then you. Now I get his mom ... (read in full...)
Why is he finding so many reasons or opportunities to touch me?
Q. Help me please? So I have known this guy for a while we volunteer together and recently he has changed the way he acts around me we often spend most weekend away at courses together and on the last weekend at a night out at the pub he kept looking ...
A. 2 June 2015: I would guess he fancies you but have no clue what to do, so he acts like a 5 year old on the playground, hitting and shoving you. (which I find very inappropriate by the way and if I were you I'd tell him to frigging quit with the hitting and ... (read in full...)
His friends are so miserable I'm wondering if the relationship can work
Q. OK this is going to be a long rant it seems. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, everything was OK until one night where his friends all turned on me. There was a beer festival in my local town to which him and his friends went...
A. 2 June 2015: Honestly, I would end it with this guy. His friends ARE a reflection of him. And not a pretty one.
He lets a FEMALE friend BULLY you without doing ANYTHING about it. A decent BF would have told that female friend to b a decent human being or go F ... (read in full...)
We messaged as friends after the breakup. So why the change in her tone, after so long?
Q. Hi guys Apologies in advance for this mammoth of an essay! I broke up with my girlfriend 2 years ago. It was a mutual thing (we realised we had different ambitions and priorities) and we managed to remain friends afterwards, even meeting...
A. 2 June 2015: You can be annoyed all you want, but it doesn't make YOU right and HER wrong.
Many people do NOT have amicable break up, so there is always a bit of lingering drama. And those who do, sometimes just outgrow each other, or rather the "need" f... (read in full...)
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