Should I leave my wife?
Q. Should I leave my wife? I have always trusted her, but because she had gone out one night about 5 years ago and returned home at 4:30 in the morning, I had started to have concerns. That night, I was supposed to pick her up at 11:00. I had cal...
A. 9 January 2017: Thanks for the update!
And "congrats"! on deciding to put BOTH your and HER happiness first and end it.
Good luck with the new lady and the new life.... (read in full...)
I found a hotel key in my fiance's pocket. Help ! I don't know what to do
Q. I was doing the laundry last night and I found a hotel key in my fiance's pocket. The day before, he had gone off to run an errand as well as pick up the food shopping and he took so long I started to get worried about him. A trip that should h...
A. 5 July 2015: I'm sorry he couldn't just be honest with you.
I find it odd that he didn't offer to call his friend so that you could ASK about that card, if his friend really gave him the card I would presume the friend would tell you just that.
But aga... (read in full...)
I found a hotel key in my fiance's pocket. Help ! I don't know what to do
Q. I was doing the laundry last night and I found a hotel key in my fiance's pocket. The day before, he had gone off to run an errand as well as pick up the food shopping and he took so long I started to get worried about him. A trip that should h...
A. 29 June 2015: Obviously, YOU know him better than us. But I do think he was lying. He was straggling to make up a lie you "might" swallow and thus told you two "different" lies - one that he got the key card a couple of days ago and then the lie that it was one ... (read in full...)
Are my concerns justified ? He's joined the army and I'm worried that the army will change him and our relationship.
Q. Ok so I just got married to a guy I have been with for about three and a half years. I love him so much, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has just enlisted in the national guard/reserves and is currently in basic training...
A. 28 June 2015: There is a difference between Active Duty and Active Duty assignments.
Active Duty is JOINING the US Army which means, he will get stationed at one of the post (all over the world) where he can use his MOS (MOS means job classification basicall... (read in full...)
I lost it. Smashed a glass coffee table top. Was I in the wrong for anything? What should I do in this situation?
Q. Hey all... got a dilemma in my almost 3 year relationship. When I first met him I fell in head over heels love with him. We had the very best relationship that made people jealous seeing how happy we were together. Until months went by and I fo...
A. 27 June 2015: Glad you didn't take offense, OP (some do)
But the thing is, HE was ALWAYS a guy who made bad choices. I know you think things were "perfect" in the beginning. BUT everyone puts their "best foot" forward the first year (or less) of a relation... (read in full...)
I found my dad is cheating on my mom... AGAIN! What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone I feel very sad and disappointed. I just found my dad has been texting another woman. This is the third time I find out he does this. The first two times I have told my mom about it and she tried to deal with it. The last time thi...
A. 27 June 2015: YIKES!
I know how you feel. I went through my teens watching my dad cheat on my mom a couple of times (once with a darn NEIGHBOR) - he would always claim he was just "helping" these "poor" ladies (such as give them rides to go shopping (even th... (read in full...)
Are my concerns justified ? He's joined the army and I'm worried that the army will change him and our relationship.
Q. Ok so I just got married to a guy I have been with for about three and a half years. I love him so much, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has just enlisted in the national guard/reserves and is currently in basic training...
A. 27 June 2015: No, the Army will not change him into some kind of robot. But some change WILL happen, it is inevitable. He is a grown man, not some "green BOY" right out of high school, so I would anticipate a HUGE change in him, just his routines and.. maybe ... (read in full...)
I lost it. Smashed a glass coffee table top. Was I in the wrong for anything? What should I do in this situation?
Q. Hey all... got a dilemma in my almost 3 year relationship. When I first met him I fell in head over heels love with him. We had the very best relationship that made people jealous seeing how happy we were together. Until months went by and I fo...
A. 27 June 2015: Have him move out.
And get some help for your OWN anger management. YOU don't like it when HE throws fits and tantrums, so how is it OK when you do it?
I get that frustration made you fed up, and breaking the table was intended.. but i... (read in full...)
After sex: is it even normal to still cramping up for an extended time?.
Q. Okay im going to ask very bluntly about this. When I had sex with my finance and he layed me down an held my legs up while going in he kept hitting something that kinda felt uncomfortable like hurtish . After the sex I started getting cramps w...
A. 27 June 2015: He probably hit your cervix. THAT can be rather painful, and something he NEEDS to hold back with he is NOT drilling for oil.
IF your fiance does something that is "hurtish" (as you call it) while having sex, why not tell him, hey that is NOT ... (read in full...)
He's amicably seperated but procrastinates about divorce
Q. I am in desperate need of advice. My boyfriend has been seperated and not living with his wife for five years, they have no kids. We have been dating for 3 and a half years. My boyfriend and his ex are friends and as a child of divorced parents ...
A. 27 June 2015: You can ask, doesn't mean you will GET what you want. Know what I mean?
IF she is on his medical insurance a divorce might leave her in a place where she CAN'T afford treatment. I don't think someone like her husband could DO that to her.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend wants to stay friends with him!
Q. We are living together in our own apartment for 3 years now and I just found out one of his female friends that he spends lots of time talking to was one of his exgirlftiends (his first love), she's the only ex that he's still talked too and I've ...
A. 26 June 2015: Here is my point of view.
I'm NOT a fan of "friends with exes". It's a complication 90% of people can live without.
However, I DO think people CAN be friends with an ex, specially if they BOTH have truly moved on. I am "friends" (acqua... (read in full...)
Totally smitten after the first date. How can I keep my cool (and win her over)?
Q. Yesterday I went on for a few drinks with a girl I met online. The date went really well (at least, I think it did); it lasted well over two hours. We have a lot in common, had lively conversation and she is stunningly beautiful. But now I am c...
A. 26 June 2015: I think the wait is ACTUALLY a good thing (for you) because you can get yourself a bit together before date #2.
I agree with Notsohappy, that texting ONCE a day would be a good way to show her you are interested WITHOUT going over the top and bein... (read in full...)
Without making her mad, how do I let her know I want to sleep with her?
Q. I just met a woman at new housing development and signed paper work to buy a house from. She is know longer with the company and I have met with her once for coffee. My question is how can i let her i want to sleep with her witout offending her or ...
A. 26 June 2015: So what you are really asking is "HOW to I approach this woman to be my F-buddy?"
9 out of 10 women would b offended that you see them as no more then a walking vagina for you to use, when it SUITS you.
And honestly, if a guy asked me that I ... (read in full...)
A friends with benefits confusion...
Q. This guy and I have been having sex for almost 6-8 months now. Obviously staying within a "friends with benefits" boundary. I have developed Feelings and I am starting to like him., I am not going to tell him seeing I will be moving far away soon. ...
A. 26 June 2015: I think he likes you but NOT in a "I want to date her and BE with her kind of way".
You have showed you are available for sex and company. That when he "vanish" for a while and walk back in you two can pick up where you left off, no drama, n... (read in full...)
What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship?
Q. What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship? Call me old fashioned here - but from a woman's point of view - I cannot see how she can get anything from FWB without having some sort of feelings for...
A. 26 June 2015: I don't think a FWB is about a guy using a woman for sex. I think it's more of a MUTUAL thing.
The BAD thing for the most part about FWB (from a woman's point of view) is IF feelings develop. And judging by the MANY MANY posts here on DC (special... (read in full...)
How do I take this slow enough for my co worker, but also let her know that I'm interested ?
Q. I very recently left my wife (less then a month ago). I realized I had feelings for a co worker. Since the breakup between my wife and I, my co-worker has admitted that she to has feeling for me but she is afraid of a relationship. She is only 20...
A. 26 June 2015: You don't date till you have sorted your separation/divorce out with your wife.
YOU are not single and it's been a MONTH since you left your wife.
SLOW down. Don't use this NICE young co-worker as your rebound.
You CAN let her know that yo... (read in full...)
Why would he discuss plans and say he loves me, yet soon after he blocked me?
Q. Why did he want something serious and then disappear and block me? I met this guy online. We hit it off and had an instant connection. After talking for a month, we met in person. He met my friends and hung out with us a few times. We connected an...
A. 26 June 2015: OP
Don't let this guy's behavior hold you back from trying to date again. BUT I would advice you to be a little weary of someone who starts out at 100mph - someone who declares love very soon and who makes ALL kind of promises early on.
You wer... (read in full...)
He sent this woman sexual text messages but he said he did it because he thought it was a friend of mine I sent to play a trick
Q. Hello i am a 37 year old woman and i have been in a relationship with this 50 year old man for two years. We've gad some rocky times but overall its been nice, we love each other and we had plans to marry, but last night i was on the phone with him ...
A. 26 June 2015: I have to say IF you were a couple of teens his story "could" "maybe" be true, but for someone in their 30's and 50's? Seriously? If I were you I would be SO offended that he thinks you are dumb enough to fall for that ridiculous story.
The w... (read in full...)
He's amicably seperated but procrastinates about divorce
Q. I am in desperate need of advice. My boyfriend has been seperated and not living with his wife for five years, they have no kids. We have been dating for 3 and a half years. My boyfriend and his ex are friends and as a child of divorced parents ...
A. 26 June 2015: Is she tied into his medical insurance? If she is that would make sense for them to NOT divorce while she is going through cancer treatments.
But I think it's a choice. HE is choosing to not divorce. MAYBE because if he stays legally married ... (read in full...)
Should I respond or shut it down?
Q. Sheesh this is a long one, sorry! I was with this guy for almost 2 years. While it wasn't the best of relationships (it was rife with cheating and all sorts of lies and disrespect) he was my first pretty much everything and I really really li...
A. 26 June 2015: I'd would just /block/delete/remove/unfriend/discard any ways for him to contact you.
HE is NOT going to be a friend. Maybe one of those guys who occasionally wants a roll in the hay, so he is "friendly" with you. He KNOWS all your weak spots fo... (read in full...)
Is it ok to help him out with money until he starts to get paid again? How do I make it clear it's temporary help?
Q. I recently started dating a guy, i really like a lot. He has been laid off of his job. Is it ok to help him out with money until he starts to get paid again? I dont make a lot of money but i live comfortably. If i do this how can i make sure he...
A. 26 June 2015: I agree with SVC and Notsohappy, you need to SLOW down here. It's a brand new relationship and HE is a GROWN man.
Don't lend him money. He will find a way.
Don't clean his house, he knows what to do. YOU are not the maid.
You are emascul... (read in full...)
I found a hotel key in my fiance's pocket. Help ! I don't know what to do
Q. I was doing the laundry last night and I found a hotel key in my fiance's pocket. The day before, he had gone off to run an errand as well as pick up the food shopping and he took so long I started to get worried about him. A trip that should h...
A. 26 June 2015: I agree with WiseOwlE
Call and confirm check in/out time/ Single/double room. I seriously doubt they will tell you ANY juicy details unless it's a tiny hotel, the staff might not even remember him. After all the front desk staff might have see... (read in full...)
Should I keep chatting with her and ask her out again when she's settled in uni?
Q. OK . so Im a 24 year old guy, I recently went on a couple of dates, (first time in over 2 year). They both went realy well. How ever a couple of days before the 3rd date she sent me this "im not sure its a good idea , im not interestd in anyth...
A. 26 June 2015: I think she turned you down, in the typical "girl" manner. As "gently" as she could.
I don't think she is as interested as you are, sorry.
I would back off and SEE if SHE reaches out to you or not. My guess is... she won't. She is replying and ... (read in full...)
He has double standards and I'm not sure how to approach this! Help?
Q. I met a man a year and half ago. He had just been divorced and has full custody of his two kids. We moved in together in January and now we are talking about getting married, but I have a major issue now. When I was moving my stuff in he didn't want ...
A. 26 June 2015: Urgh!
While I DO agree that keeping some pictures for the children I would NEVER have let my husband or a BF GO through my stuff and decide what I can keep and what I can't - that is RIDICULOUS!
And I don't see the point in keeping an engag... (read in full...)
She says she will not sleep with anyone while we are "actively working on our relationship" How am I supposed to trust her ?
Q. A little background on my marriage, we've been together for 10 years and married for almost 5 and we have an almost 6 year old son. Before this we had only ever been intimate with each other. Back in December my wife and I seperated. I was...
A. 25 June 2015: Well, you really only have two choices:
1: trust her, forgive her, go to counseling (personal and marriage) and FIX what's not working.
2: stop playing the yo-yo game and get the divorce.
olderthandirt did hit the nail on the head, THE PR... (read in full...)
Any tips? How can I get him to kiss me on our second date ?.
Q. I started uni in September and met someone I like a lot. We've chatted loads and I plucked up the courage to ask him out but he said no. I was upset but got over the rejection. But our friendship got a little stronger. We had an end if year part...
A. 25 June 2015: I'm asking because I didn't want you to get your hopes up that you are now dating.. UNLESS you BOTH agree to BE dating. Know what I mean?
But at any rate, go slow. LET it happen organically. HE knows you are interested.
... (read in full...)
How do I get my head around the fact that he's rejected me because I have a child?
Q. My ex and I were together for a year and we've been broken up for 4mos. He came back a month ago wanting a second chance but then changed his mind. He says that he doesn't want to be with me because I have a child. I'm trying my best not to cry w...
A. 25 June 2015: OP,
I was thinking some more about this and I came to the conclusion that there are MANY reasons why a person rejects another person as a romantic interest.
NOT being ready for the emotional responsibility of dating a woman with a child is ... (read in full...)
Any tips? How can I get him to kiss me on our second date ?.
Q. I started uni in September and met someone I like a lot. We've chatted loads and I plucked up the courage to ask him out but he said no. I was upset but got over the rejection. But our friendship got a little stronger. We had an end if year part...
A. 25 June 2015: Are you actually SURE that the dinner at the pub was a "date"? Or him and you just going out as friends for dinner and drinks? Because I grew up with many male friend and have often gone out for dinner with one of them, or to a cafe to play ... (read in full...)
Why would he discuss plans and say he loves me, yet soon after he blocked me?
Q. Why did he want something serious and then disappear and block me? I met this guy online. We hit it off and had an instant connection. After talking for a month, we met in person. He met my friends and hung out with us a few times. We connected an...
A. 25 June 2015: My dad cheated on my mom several times. And yes it DID affect me and how I saw/see relationships.
BUT HE is/was using that as an excuse. YOU are in NO WAY responsible for what his mother did in the past to his dad, and you should NOT be held res... (read in full...)
I just want someone to tell me if my feelings are justified?!! Or not?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now and things have never been perfect from the start but I chose to ignore the first warning signs. We met years ago then lost contact and started talking online again 3 years ago, we decided ...
A. 25 June 2015: You feel how you feel.
What I JUST don't get is that you seem to understand WHAT you will and will not accept. But you seem to think you can "train" or change this guy, when in reality, you can't.
He lied to you from the get go. My guess is ... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with?
Q. Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with? The thing is - he was lovely to start with, in the beginning, but then we fell out and split up due to his continual flirting with other women on FB. I called him a pl...
A. 24 June 2015: Pretty sure I've said this before to you poster. IF one of your acquaintances or friends mention him and wants to gossip about him, CUT them short, tell them I have no interest in this guy and what he is up to.
I don't think he is dangerou... (read in full...)
Advice on getting my lover back?
Q. Hey everyone, this is my very first post and I would like advice and tips on how to get a long term ex girlfriend back. My best-friend of 4 years, girlfriend of just over 2 broke up with me over a month ago and I would like to get back with he...
A. 24 June 2015: I don't think you can "win" her back. I think like many other relationships you two grew apart, your ex mentioned getting back together, because she wasn't sure - now she IS more sure and might not WANT to get back together.
Honestly, and I kn... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with?
Q. Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with? The thing is - he was lovely to start with, in the beginning, but then we fell out and split up due to his continual flirting with other women on FB. I called him a pl...
A. 24 June 2015: Ignore him? Stop talking to him.
There is NO reason to "try" and pretend you can be friends, the guy didn't like being called out on his behavior so he tuned nasty, and nasty people.... you don't HAVE to keep around.
And stop WONDERING hwy he... (read in full...)
Is my behaviour really irrational, in the circumstances?
Q. hi, I am little confused with my boyfriends actions lately he thinks I am making a big deal out of nothing but I think it hurts me somewhere! Let me give you 2 instances Yesterday I asked his help to write a formal letter this was for my littl...
A. 24 June 2015: I think you two have some serious communication problems. If you two talk over e-mail, then why not ASK him over e-mail if he can improve on that letter (IF he has time) and then attach what YOU wrote.
As for not sharing what went on with him and ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife?
Q. Should I leave my wife? I have always trusted her, but because she had gone out one night about 5 years ago and returned home at 4:30 in the morning, I had started to have concerns. That night, I was supposed to pick her up at 11:00. I had cal...
A. 24 June 2015: Only you can decide if you have had enough.
I think your wife is full of BS. She "can't remember" a night out at a bar where she came home at 4:30 in the morning? - absolute lie. But since you "swallowed" the lie she just continued till you caug... (read in full...)
My Bf is happy to spend and hour or two with me and that's it. I want to spend more time with him. Is my request to him unreasonable?
Q. My boyfriend got mad at me because i've been asking for more time with him. He finds time for everything else then I get an hour here and there. He said he cant keep arguing about this and now won't answer my calls. What do I do? We've been to...
A. 24 June 2015: So you are an AFTER THOUGHT, not a priority to him. And when you asked for more time, he is giving you the silent treatment....
I would consider this relationship to be over.
I wouldn't be content with an hour here and there either, so DO NO... (read in full...)
Why would he discuss plans and say he loves me, yet soon after he blocked me?
Q. Why did he want something serious and then disappear and block me? I met this guy online. We hit it off and had an instant connection. After talking for a month, we met in person. He met my friends and hung out with us a few times. We connected an...
A. 24 June 2015: I'm with SVC,
I have NO idea why he would do that. It makes no sense to MOST people.
But IF this is part of him "testing" you or running from issues, I'd say he did you a favor. Because I wouldn't be surprised if it's not a "test his dad ta... (read in full...)
How could he throw in the towel and walk away like that?
Q. My recent ex bf is 49 and I am 39..we have been together a total of 4 1/2 years with a 1 yr break in between because he thought the grass was greener.. After making him wait I took him back and we dated another 2 1/2 yrs. we broke up almost ...
A. 23 June 2015: You point out QUITE a few thing about him that makes him kind of unappealing. Like not wanting your 9 y/o live with you both, but if the kid was around 12 it would be OK - I call BS on that... HE knows you can't CHANGE the child's age - so what he ... (read in full...)
Do you think it is worth me continuing to see him? Will his feelings for her fade with time?
Q. Dear aunties and uncles About a month ago I met a man who is 60, has been separated for 2 years and is currently going through a divorce. I am 55 and divorced. We have gone out together twice and each time have had a really wonderful fun tim...
A. 23 June 2015: Just tell him you have thought about it and think you two are better off as platonic friend. NO need to elaborate or even MENTION the other woman.
Then stick to being that, JUST friends. Having company is nice. Good company, even better. But DON'... (read in full...)
Depressed and way behind the average 21-year-old. How do I fix my life/stop beating myself up over past mistakes?
Q. [Mod note: user's own title] I've pretty much wasted my life from 16 to 21 (possibly all my life) largely due to issues from emotionally abusive family. Anyone know how to stop "mentally beating yourself up" over lost time, esp. when said procrast...
A. 23 June 2015: First off *hugs*
Secondly, take a breath and stop beating yourself up. YOU are comparing yourself to others and THAT is causing YOU misery.
So first step, ACCEPT that you are not a failure.
EVERYONE moves at different speeds, you kn... (read in full...)
Nothing happened, but I wish I could have slept with this old friend! What does that mean for my current relationship?
Q. I am in a long term (six years) relationship. I do love my boyfriend buthe works all the hours there are in his job. I see him rather infrequently. I met an old friend a month ago for a catch up. We got on really well and it was so lovely.to catch ...
A. 23 June 2015: I DO think it was a GOOD thing you didn't sleep with him. Because cheating NEVER fixes anything.
TALK to your BF, tell him you NEED more from him, more time, more attention, more of him in your life. See if you two can work it out so that BOTH of ... (read in full...)
How do I get my head around the fact that he's rejected me because I have a child?
Q. My ex and I were together for a year and we've been broken up for 4mos. He came back a month ago wanting a second chance but then changed his mind. He says that he doesn't want to be with me because I have a child. I'm trying my best not to cry w...
A. 23 June 2015: What CAN you do?
ACCEPT it.
HE isn't ready or mature enough for the "family package" and THAT is what you have. A family package. It's YOU and YOUR daughter.
I don't think he is judging you or ridiculing you. I think he is finally being hone... (read in full...)
He claims to have picked me over all these gorgeous women but compares me to them anyway! Should I be flattered or hurt?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months and there is something that is starting to get me down. I'd like to know if I'm right to be a bit upset about it. We met each other on a dating site, we get on quite well and we are both very open p...
A. 23 June 2015: HE was bragging. Trying to make SURE you knew you got a "great deal", but at the same time letting you know... that YOU are replaceable at the drop of a hat.
He is rude. WHO cares what other girls he COULD have dated? SO what?
And who CARES... (read in full...)
Is there any chance our friendship with this couple could be rekindled?
Q. My wife and I know a couple, A and B, who live 5 minutes away and we used to consider them good friends. I think we have only gotten together (just the 4 of us) 2 times in the last 3 years. They have said they are too busy to do much with us. We ...
A. 23 June 2015: I would stop inviting them. Because they are not friends. They are just suing you and your wife to gain a larger social circle.
They claim to be "too busy" to see you, but have time to go eat at a new place with someone they know even less... ... (read in full...)
How to turn down dates?
Q. So I feel a little ridiculous posting this but I never thought I'd have this problem! I need to figure out how to quickly, unambiguously turn men down. I feel so uncomfortable doing it that sometimes when I am asked to get together, I just...
A. 23 June 2015: If you think saying:" No, thanks I'm not interested in dating you " is LESS nice or polite than the various of excuses you are using now, you really don't grasp the POWER of no.
If you start off with the NO, thanks etc. - you won't have to ignor... (read in full...)
He wants time apart after our years together. Does this suggest that he's already seeing someone else?
Q. Why would my boyfriend after 22 yrs tell me that we need time apart ? i feel he has been seeing someone else he always makes me feel like im nobody to him ...
A. 23 June 2015: 22 years together and NOW he needs a break? It sounds odd. But I would give it to him and I would spend that time re-thinking the relationship.
I DO think he might want to BREAK up not just have a break. BUT talk to him. IF he insist he wants a ... (read in full...)
Do you think it is worth me continuing to see him? Will his feelings for her fade with time?
Q. Dear aunties and uncles About a month ago I met a man who is 60, has been separated for 2 years and is currently going through a divorce. I am 55 and divorced. We have gone out together twice and each time have had a really wonderful fun tim...
A. 21 June 2015: I would walk away. He might be a nice guy, but he is WANTING someone else, not you. YOU are the "spare" entertainment.
LET me ask you this, WHAT do you think would happen if she changed HER mind? And she wanted to date him after all?
I'll te... (read in full...)
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