Is there is a point of no return with regards to personal failures and disappointing lifestyles?
Q. I am ill disciplined and have no ambition. I am the source and creator of all my current misery. However, I would like to change myself. I have been able to work myself into a "better" version of myself but my problem now is that I am afraid that it ...
A. 18 September 2015: I think you already know the answer to this, but want some support/confirmation - so here goes.
You CAN do it.
Don't expect everything to happen overnight. To snap your fingers and hey presto! you are now a total success!
Start one place... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't see herself coming out for at least 3 or 4 years, and things are really complicated
Q. Hi agony aunts, I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 months which I know isn't a long time, but she's been my best friend for 4 years. We decided to start dating because, we've always sort of been in love with each other. But, she's in the ...
A. 18 September 2015: She isn't ready (nor able) to come out safely. Nothing you can do will change that. She feels SHE can't even change that.
You will have to accept that she is limited in what she can do and what she can give. (as far as relationships goes). I... (read in full...)
Guys, would you rather date Girl A or Girl B?
Q. Girl A: -quite "generic" -long hair, decent sized boobs but slim, wears dresses and hardly ever trousers and a lot of heels -doesn't wear makeup -bit of a goody two shoes, always annoyingly nice to everyone, comes off as fake, ridiculousl...
A. 18 September 2015: I think that is impossible for us here on DC to answer.
It really comes down to the guy in question, his taste, hobbies, values, likes, dislikes, morals.
What I will say is this, IF I were you... I wouldn't compare myself to another girl or ... (read in full...)
How to make an anonymous compliment without being creepy?
Q. Is there a way for a man to pay an anonymous compliment to a woman without it freaking her out or making him seem creepy? (Like for instance by e-mail?) Thanks! (BTW I don't mean something lame like 'oh my gawd u r so hot!!' LOL) ...
A. 18 September 2015: Sorry, OP I don't think there is a "good" way to give a person an anonymous compliment without the chance of it being perceived as creepy... or stalker-ish.
And honestly, what would the point BE in making it anonymous? Wouldn't you WANT her to k... (read in full...)
Are my boyfriend and I related?
Q. My dad's second cousin is my boyfriends mother husband are we related? Keep in mind me and him were together before they got married ...
A. 8 September 2015: So your Boyfriend's mother's husband is NOT your boyfriend's biological dad?
If so, you are not related.
If he is the bio dad you are distantly related. Either way it's past 1st cousins so no biggie.... (read in full...)
How can I forgive myself for not doing the right thing?
Q. When I was sixteen I left a school dance early and walked up on a guy I knew holding a shotgun on another guy I knew. I walked by and pretended like I didn't see anything. The dance let out and the boy with the gun got in his truck and left. ...
A. 8 September 2015: You were 16. At some point in time you have to find some forgiveness for yourself.
Had he been arrested back then he might STILL have killed the other guy. YOU didn't pull the trigger. Maybe if you had said something event would have unfolded... (read in full...)
Do I leave my husband with the wandering eye and spend what time I have left alone?
Q. Dear All, I have been an Aunt on this site but am posting anonomously as I feel embarrassed about my situation and need help and advice. I first came to this site as my then partner (now husband) liked to look at porn. He also had a wandering eye ...
A. 8 September 2015: I'm so sorry about your cancer and your husband. I think you are the ONLY one who can make this decisions. But I would be VERY clear with him that he is adding on to an already hard situation for you, you should not HAVE to battle cancer and then ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my alcoholic drug using mother that I don't want her moving in with my fiance and I?
Q. I have a complicated problem and I need help. I have a mother who is a drug addict and alcoholic. Shes got 2 weeks to move out of her apartment because she's way behind on rent and doesn't want to work. She's been hinting around with me that...
A. 8 September 2015: Tell her no. You don't HAVE to explain why. She won't like it, but really WHAT can she do? IF she gets upset or mad and stop talking to you, I'd take it as a reprieve. She will be back with demands for money or help.
As much as I love my family w... (read in full...)
My controlling ex doesn't want me talking to his ex-wife!
Q. I was with a guy that was 18 years younger then me for almost 2 years. We broke up about 3 months ago due to the fact that he was not happy.. anyway he has a 6 year old son that I pretty much took care of while we had him. Hus ex wife has full ...
A. 8 September 2015: Why is your EX on your Facebook still if he was such an abusive asshat?
Just block him or block him from seeing your feeds.
WHO cares that he doesn't want you to talk to the ex? It's NONE of his business who you befriend and whom you talk to... (read in full...)
He's acting like his daughter doesn't exist! Advice?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles I have a 6 year old daughter with my ex boyfriend who this time last year I would have said is the best father in the world and my best friend but ever since he met his new girlfriend it's like his daughter doesn't exist an...
A. 8 September 2015: I'm sorry you and your daughter is dealing with this.
I would advice you get hold of Whatever agency takes care of Child support and start filing for it. Child maintenance, Child support. Which might mean you have to talk to a lawyer/s... (read in full...)
What's the the right form of contraception for us?
Q. Hi there, Me and my fiance are struggling a bit to find the right form of contraception! We've been together for four years and for about three of those we've been using the withdrawal method. We've never really been too worried about preg...
A. 7 September 2015: Well, there are many types of oral contraception - more than the mini pill and I would honestly go have a chat with your doctor to find the RIGHT kind for you.
Personally, I have heard so many bad things about the patch, but again they might ha... (read in full...)
I've been dumped before but this time is different!
Q. I can’t believe I’m writing in, but my situation is desperate! I’ve been in relationships before that have lasted far longer than the one I was recently in. I’ve dealt with rejection and being dumped by guys I really like and got over them but this...
A. 7 September 2015: I think it feel differently because he SAID all the right things (things that would indicate that he was interested) but as it turned out he was full of crap.
From all the posts I have seen on DC with guy who after a VERY short time are talking ... (read in full...)
What message should I send with a bouquet of flowers?
Q. There's a girl that lives in my village that I like, she's been kind of seeing a player, from what I've heard on the grapevine, he's unreliable and just likes to party. anyway, I'm a pretty romantic kind of a guy, that's just how I am, and I'm ...
A. 7 September 2015: I stand by my advice. Even if her sister says that she and that guy are "kind of" dating... it's still dating and it's still encroaching...
If the shoe was on the other foot and your had a GF who's sister was too keen on you, she told some gu... (read in full...)
Craig's list. Should I trust his explanations? Or is he talking BS?
Q. I'm going to provide a lot of background to this, but my questions are ultimately: - Is what my ex said all just BS? - How common is this problem? - Have non-married couples recovered from this successfully? - Is this issue really related to por...
A. 6 September 2015: I absolutely agree with Janniepeg on this one.
Addiction is lifelong battle, whether it's drugs, alcohol, porn, food etc. There is no cure. There are tools that helps the person control their addiction instead of letting their addiction control ... (read in full...)
My ex is back and I'm not sure about getting back with him or not. Will blocking him stop the pain I've been feeling?
Q. So my and my ex broke up last May We spent a year together We didn't enjoy it We love each other but we have nothing in common and we hardly understand each other ! I hate a lot about his behavour and actions We used to fight every week an...
A. 6 September 2015: Well, I would NOT start to date him again JUST because HE thinks you should.
You already know it didn't work in the past and honestly nothing has changed since last May.
What I would do though, is temporarily unblock him from the phone and ca... (read in full...)
I believe I'm straight or bi-curious. Do others feel the way I feel about college?
Q. Does this sound normal to you? I used to be so excited for college but now I'm anxious because I've had anxiety about my sexuality for 2 years now. I have always been attracted to boys in a romantic and sexual way but I also have been very turned o...
A. 6 September 2015: I think you have written the same post for months, once a week, and you STILL don't know that labeling yourself is NOT necessary for you to live a happy life.
Statistics say that 5-7% are gay, bisexual, asexual, pan-sexual etc. Which means wh... (read in full...)
Should if be an issue for our wedding if I invite my ex Gf and her husband to our wedding?
Q. While I was at college I had a relationship with another girl and it was my first and only same sex relationship. While I'm not ashamed to have been with a girl, it's not something that I shout from the rooftops. Since then I have moved away and...
A. 6 September 2015: I would just tell the ex GF - look my future MIL/FIL are strict Catholics and can we keep the past (us being gf/gf) on the down low at the wedding. I want you there because you are a GOOD friend, but my fiance worries about his parents.
IF sh... (read in full...)
We're not teens. So is not getting 'butterflies' in a relationship a reliable indicator that our relationship will not ''work'', as he seemed to claim?
Q. I'm not sure how to word this. Almost seven months ago I was with a guy and everything was good, texted all the time, he remembered things I said (so I knew he was actually paying attention) he would be open and share things that I knew were pri...
A. 6 September 2015: I think he is a GREAT friend, but NOT with the potential of a BF.
It really doesn't MATTER if YOU are OK to date someone and not feel butterflies, HE isn't. For him that IS a criteria.
I have never dated anyone who didn't give me "butterflies"... (read in full...)
What message should I send with a bouquet of flowers?
Q. There's a girl that lives in my village that I like, she's been kind of seeing a player, from what I've heard on the grapevine, he's unreliable and just likes to party. anyway, I'm a pretty romantic kind of a guy, that's just how I am, and I'm ...
A. 6 September 2015: If she is seeing someone else, I don't really think it's all that appropriate or "romantic" for you to send her flowers.
No matter how much of a player or how unreliable he is. That's encroaching on someone's partner.
Why not just TALK to her... (read in full...)
Does taking such a long time to reply indicate he's not interested in me?
Q. I have started dating (I am gay) and I have met this guy and we spoke for a couple of months, we finally met the other day and I enjoyed (a little awkward at first) but we spent hours together and at the end of it, he kissed me and he said it was so ...
A. 6 September 2015: I agree with WiseOwlE
Whether you are gay,straight, bi or any other sexual definition.... A player is a player... and they pretty much all have similar MO - like never stop looking for greener (or easier) grass, they are great with words (knows J... (read in full...)
I love her and don't want to leave her. What to do about her insecurity over her body since pregnancy?
Q. I'm a married man with two children. My wife is an excellent mother however our relationship hasn't been going too well for a long time. Our problem is our sex life. Ever since my wife had our second child she has not really been wanting to be in...
A. 6 September 2015: So suggest seeing a dermatologist?
Stretch marks are for most women part of pregnancy. There isn't an instant fix but there are things she can do to make them fade faster.
If she had a decent sexual appetite before and not now that CAN also be... (read in full...)
How do I stop my older brother phoning me all the time!!?
Q. How do I stop my older brother phoning me all the time!!? My brother has a very arrogant and tetchy manner. Whenever you speak to him he Is always talking about himself or what he's doing - but never asks what anyone else is up to. As a result ...
A. 6 September 2015:
Personally, I wish my brother would bug me that much - but we are on a 7 hour time difference, he has a busy life, and he hates to talk on the phone. We, however, Skype once a week (sometimes I Skype with his wife and/or kids) but it's ONCE a week... (read in full...)
Why would he dance with me,call me ugly,then carry on dancing with me?
Q. I saw this boy at a party and started dancing with him, he seemed enthusiastic enough and he even tried to kiss me then we went to get a drink and while we were at the bar he said your face is ugly-I thought I had misheard so I asked him to repeat ...
A. 6 September 2015: Either he doesn't know your language well enough, or he is a complete idiot.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter... I would definitely leave such a dude in the dust. ... (read in full...)
Should I accepy their FB friend request. They are family, yet remain distant
Q. My Aunt and cousins just sent me a friends request. I don't see much of them even though we live close by. They never really bothered with us when we were growing up and even recently we were all at a family funeral and they never even spoke. ...
A. 6 September 2015: I'm with Auntie Bim Bim
If they couldn't even BOTHER to talk to you at a funeral, then what is the point really?
Was there a message with the request or JUST a request?
If it was the first, I'd consider it, if it was the latter (just a frien... (read in full...)
I love her and don't want to leave her. What to do about her insecurity over her body since pregnancy?
Q. I'm a married man with two children. My wife is an excellent mother however our relationship hasn't been going too well for a long time. Our problem is our sex life. Ever since my wife had our second child she has not really been wanting to be in...
A. 6 September 2015: Tell her you LOVE her no matter what, but that is IS important to you that she doesn't hate herself or her body.
Ask her what you can do to help her. Do she want to go to the gym and be work out buddies? Give her a couple of hours so SHE can go b... (read in full...)
Love of his life or controlling? why is he labelling me like this?
Q. Hi there, I've been dating this man for 6 yrs and we now live together and have for over a yr now. He say's I'm a nymph he gets upset when I take care of myself... He makes every excuse possible not to have sex. (headache,upset stomac...
A. 5 September 2015: Honestly, I would move out.
You are settling for being his nurse and the caretaker of him. Yes, he had a head injury (which is his own darn fault) but really WHAT do you get out of this relationship?
Support? Love? Encouragement? I... (read in full...)
He owes me over $5000 US and he's full of excuses and says he can't live without me. What should I do?
Q. I am a British expat in Asia. I met my current boyfriend in an Asian city. He was unemployed so I let him live with me rent free and I also paid for everything: food, his clothes, watch etc, basically everything. He had promised that from the ...
A. 5 September 2015: KICK him out. Save up and move home.
YOU keep bailing this guy out and digging yourself a deeper and deeper hole. You are UNHAPPY and MISERABLE.
How about you start with something simple... Like telling him NO.
He doesn't CARE what you wa... (read in full...)
Her father chooses to have no contact. What can I do that will not negatively affect our daughter?
Q. I'm so annoyed my ex hasn't seen his child in 6 years. He pays maintenance but it's hush money. Recently he's neen all over the tv and papers saying how much he misses home as he's a solider. He talks about his family but doesn't once men...
A. 5 September 2015: You have to be mother and father as a single mom and that is hard.
My advice would be to tell her you don't know why he din't mention her or why he has chosen not to be around (even if you KNOW a 6 year old doesn't need to be involved in grown up... (read in full...)
Can I let this happen?
Q. I have recently become really close with one of my mates mothers. She is a beautiful person inside and out. She is married with 6 children (3 live with her). We've become really close and we are both always there if the other needs us. Last night I ...
A. 5 September 2015: 1. We'd been drinking.
Starting something because alcohol is involved is never a good way.
2 . She's married.
Yes, staying away from married people (as a romance option) is ALWAYS smart.
3. She's never been with a woman.
Irrelevant.
4... (read in full...)
Am I wrong in insisting she get a divorce?
Q. I really need some help figuring out what to do in my current situation. I have been with my girlfriend for a year now. When we first met I didn't tell her about an older daughter that I have because she hasn't been in my life for a very long ...
A. 5 September 2015: I think she is quite content to have her life the way it is now - happy with status quo.
Her kids are grown, but her "husband" and her will do family stuff together AS a family even though they don't live as husband and wife.
You can "insi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend plays happy families with his ex
Q. I received a text saying that my bf was being thrashed by his ex playing crazy golf yesterday and just off to dinner with her and his sons. I knew he was taking his son out for his birthday but he forgot to mention he was taking her too. We have ...
A. 5 September 2015: I have to agree with Cindy and WiseOwlE as well.
Firstly, you have only been dating 2 months. So including you may just a e little too soon, even if his kids aren't little he might want to see how well YOU and HE get along before introduc... (read in full...)
Not looking forward to seeing my ex at our son's games
Q. Just enrolled my 4 year old son in soccer. I plan to attend his games with my fiance, and his Father will be attending with his fiance and probably all of her family. I have met my ex's fiance once briefly, but none of her family. Frankly, I am ...
A. 5 September 2015: I fully agree with WiseOwlE
BE glad that there are people out there who are WILLING and ABLE to love you son as part of their extended family. YOU don't have to love them, but you DO have to behave in a civil manner. You can hate the ex as MUCH ... (read in full...)
How do I show him and prove to him that I don't need him anymore?
Q. Hey guys What's the best way to show someone you have an FU mentality I stupidly got led on by someone who I thought was interested as we were friends first but he hadn't tied loose ends with his ex - they're long finished now But then s...
A. 4 September 2015: You want to punish him for snubbing you, I get it... but really... what't the point?
The more you go out of YOUR way to show him you don't care or that HE lost something vital in his life when snubbing you, the more desperate you will seem.
... (read in full...)
I have a poor relationship with her. How do I deal with the fact that my mother is the 'other woman'?
Q. I would start by saying I cannot bring myself to forgive the woman I have called mother for years. I often asked her why she was never married to the abusive man I called father for years, she always tossed my questions to the side. With further ...
A. 4 September 2015: Not to look for excuses for your mother, but was she either very young when she had kids? or was she abused (sexually or otherwise) as a kid/teen?
It might explain (at least) why she have used her body to try and get what she wants.
What I ... (read in full...)
I'm 26 with a baby, in love with a man in his late 40s' but no one seems to think its a good idea
Q. I am now in a relationship with a man in his late 40s. I met him through his work. Even then before I was with him he gave me butterfly's and he liked me back, which he never hid. We have been together 5months now and I really am falling for him. ...
A. 4 September 2015: While I for the most part don't have a problem with age gaps, I have only one piece of advice for you... DO NOT become financially dependent on him.
He is 20+ years older than you. Playing house with a younger a wife and toddler may not be what ... (read in full...)
How do people deal with mean people or people who want to hurt you?
Q. How do you deal with mean people or people who want to hurt you?...
A. 4 September 2015: How are people trying to hurt you?
And what started it all?
In general people don't just go out of their way to hurt someone. There is usually a reason (doesn't mean it's YOUR fault, but something started this - and getting to the bottom of it... (read in full...)
Came across a conversation between my husband and his friend and I think he's cheating on me
Q. I need help? My husband and I have been together for 7 years. And we have been married for only 4. I fell in love with him as a person and for his sense of humor. I never had a problem trusting him until the other night....I came home from my next ...
A. 4 September 2015: So you are married to a guy who takes no responsibility for his actions, who blames you for his actions, and who seem to think his crap doesn't stink.
Sexting is never "harmless" fun. If it was oh so harmless why did he delete them? Why did he s... (read in full...)
How do I show him and prove to him that I don't need him anymore?
Q. Hey guys What's the best way to show someone you have an FU mentality I stupidly got led on by someone who I thought was interested as we were friends first but he hadn't tied loose ends with his ex - they're long finished now But then s...
A. 4 September 2015: I agree with Auntie BimBim
Block his number. Block him on social media, make his e-mails (private, not the work ones obviously) go to the spam folder.
When you see him at work ignore him, if you HAVE to deal with him be polite, but make it shor... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my friend's Bf. How to deal with this and stop feeling jealous?
Q. I have a huge crush on my friends boy friend and I'm trying to avoid from getting jealous,but every time I go home I start crying.can someone help me with my problem or help me avoid getting jealous?I want to tell her that I like him but I'm scared ...
A. 4 September 2015: Jessica? You are too old for that teenage stuff.
You don't go around telling your friends that you are crushing on their BF's... SERIOUSLY. And crying because you are jealous?
IF you can't handle being around him/her - back off from them a whil... (read in full...)
Now I find that he's separated, not divorced. Is it reasonable that I'm now anxious about our relationship?
Q. About six months ago I worked with a guy that I really liked but I just got out of a relationship, not ready to date yet :( Well we recently reconnected about two months ago and started seeing each other which at first was really great! Super co...
A. 4 September 2015: Someone who hides the fact that he isn't "really" divorced is hiding it for a reason.
My guess is if they haven't finalized it he could be putting you on the back burner, because IF he is found out (to be dating someone) the wife can use it again... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't know that I seen a text he sent to a friend where they were discussing a 3 way!
Q. Hi, Me and my partner was in bed and he was texting his friends in a group chat on 'WhatsApp', I glanced over (we've all done it) and his friend said "I think I was in love" to which my boyfriend said "Yeah, I think you was" (this is about their ni...
A. 4 September 2015: I agree that it's time to sit down and talk about some grown up things. Like boundaries, deal-breakers.
Ask him straight out of he isn't happy with the relationship any more. And tell him why. TELL him you saw the conversation and it made you ques... (read in full...)
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