Should I tell my ex (now friend) how his past behavior affected me?
Q. Dear Aunties and Uncles I reacquainted with an ex boyfriend last year and its been great reestablishing our friendship again. I dont ever want to lose it again. We had been intimate but I am going to make it clear the next time i see him that I d...
A. 15 February 2016: I agree with Cindy.
I don't think there is much point in bringing up and re-hashing the past.
It's not going to fix the issue YOU have. That is something you need to work on.
Seeing or think you are seeing people who hurt you, right after a ... (read in full...)
I think my so called boyfriend spent valentines with someone else
Q. I was supposed to see him on the Saturday but I never heard from him and I text him in the afternoon to check whether it was still on,he didn't reply so I tried calling a couple hours later but he'd switched his phone off.he phoned back at about 10 ...
A. 15 February 2016: If someone told me to F off - I would NOT want to talk to them again. It's just not OK. And calling me a nobody? Ditto. NOT OK.
So what I would do, is block & delete his phone number and pretend he fell of the face of the Earth. Time to move on.... (read in full...)
Does it sound like I'm a difficult person?
Q. I wrote some months back about my relationship, and whether I should keep going and continue to try, or that was it. Here is the link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/without-passion-is-it-worth-it.html I appreciate all your answers to my fi...
A. 14 February 2016: I think he brought up the "gym thing" because he REALLY didn't have any better example than that. Or he didn't want to say what he REALLY meant by it.
And unless you told him that HE could ONLY go to the gym WITH you if it was when YOU wanted t... (read in full...)
Should I have lied to my friend when she asked me for my true opinion?
Q. First of all we’ve been friends since childhood. Now we’re in our forties. I’m married with two kids. She’s single and looking. After a particularly bad experience with a man, she asked me for my honest opinion. And I gave it to her. I told her...
A. 14 February 2016: I think you did what a GOOD friend would do.
No, I don't think you should have lied to her. She ASKED you, so as friends I would presume she WANTED to know how YOU saw things.
I think her behavior is that of a stalker. It's not a healthy way to... (read in full...)
Is it acceptable to say love you to an ex?
Q. hi. last year i went through a very messy divorce. my ex husband shattered my heart and i became determined not to fall in love again. it would be safer that way. however 6 months ago i meet an extraordinary man, kind and sweet. we began to date. i ...
A. 14 February 2016: I think it comes down to the individual, really.
For some the words, I Love You doesn't have all that much meaning, for others it does. It sounds like it more of a habit than out of "love" that he uses that phrase.
You two are still new in thi... (read in full...)
Jealousy or is he speaking to someone else?
Q. Well I've been speaking to this guy on facebook for around 3 months. Lets say his name is kian He is lovely and calls me every night to speak to me. I've tried meeting him before but he never turned up. He said his phone died and he couldn't...
A. 14 February 2016: I think Kian is bad news. He is IMMATURE and trying to control you even IF you two REALLY don't know each other in person. He won't met up because YOU have already said you are not looking to "do things with a lad" - so what's the point? (in his ... (read in full...)
Break up with boyfriend has left me feeling hurt and unable to trust
Q. I broke up with my emotionally and verbally abusive boyfriend a couple months ago. It was the most stressful and unhappy relationship I've ever had. There were a few good times, mainly at the beginning, but I quickly found out he was manipulative...
A. 14 February 2016: Start with block/delete his phone number. That way he can't keep talking to you.
The LONGER you check up on him, the longer YOU allow him to (as one of our aunts put it) "live rent free in your head." He "beat" you down mentally.. and now... Y... (read in full...)
Why don't I have enough self respect to walk away?
Q. I think he wants me to break up with him. I have been with him for 6 months.He doesn't like confrontations.so he is trying to get me to break up with him. He openly goes out at nights. He is on Craigslist sleeping around.One of my friends set up a...
A. 14 February 2016: So break up! If you can't do it in person do it over the phone, text and then block/delete his number.
You can do it. IF you really want to end things with him.... (read in full...)
How can I explain that we cannot go back to what we were?
Q. Good afternoon I have recently divorced after 33 years of marriage (my ex wife's decision). Just over a year ago, during the time I was going through my divorce, I met a lady (let's call her Cathy) who I became good friends with. Cathy is a very...
A. 14 February 2016: I agree with WiseOwlE
Cathy will be JUST fine on her own, she did it before she met you and she will again. I would tell her that what you had can't work again and wasn't really good for either of you long term.
Cathy is a grown woman. One... (read in full...)
She doesn't seem into me at all, constantly talks to her ex'es, no intimacy with me, yet talks of "our" future. What's going on?
Q. Hello, I wondered whether somebody could help me with what may seem to be a small problem, but to me is massive. I recently started going out with a girl that I have known for around 20 years. We had a couple of brief sexual encounters a few ...
A. 13 February 2016: I'm sorry I think you are a Gap Stop. Someone to "take care" of her till she finds "greener grass".
The whole double standard of HER being able to talk to exes but you can't? I don't care how insecure she is, that is HER issue. Either you both dro... (read in full...)
I know he's been lying about contact with his ex but should I let it go as he suggests?
Q. My boyfriend broke my trust last year in July. We had been together for two years and during the beginning of our relationship his ex would always call him until a point she became a distraction to us. He said he blocked her and stopped being in ...
A. 13 February 2016: You know going through his phone is NOT going to make him stop talking to her IF that is what he wants to do?
He can delete texts and calls easily.
IT IS NOT your job as a partner to go through his phone to try and "make" him behave.
Eithe... (read in full...)
How can he be in love with the woman he cheated on me with?
Q. Dear cupid, how can a man be happy and in love with the woman he cheated on his spouse with? I was married for just over 3 years to a man who I really loved with all my heart. Someone I never could of pictured hurting me in anyway. He a...
A. 13 February 2016: Often the spouse/partner being cheated on, IS the last to know.
What you are really asking is how can he be with a woman when she was partly to blame for hurting you. I think when SOME people cheat they don't think of ANYONE but themselv... (read in full...)
What is going on? She says she loves me, but ? ? ? It's her way or "no way"
Q. Sorry if I go on with this, I just need some help shedding a bit of light on my relationship. I have been seeming an older woman for 2 and a half years. We have had an emotional rollercoaster with one thing and another. Mainly her having issu...
A. 13 February 2016: I think you are bending over backwards WAY too much for this to be a functional and healthy relationship.
You are like the puppy she kicks quite often, yet it still follows her. That is not a good relationship.
If she had JUST gotten out of a ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to mess up your chances with the right guy?
Q. MOD NOTE: This has been submitted in a very similar way the other day... recently went on a first date with a guy that is seems so awesome. He's funny, sweet, handsome and fun. I think he had a great time with me and even texted me after the...
A. 12 February 2016: Did you not read the answers already given? Or are you looking for a specific answer?... (read in full...)
Is it a bad sign that he originally wanted to spend time with his parents, not me, for his 21st?
Q. So this weekend is my boyfriend's 21st birthday. I told him I would take off the day of his birthday and after. The plan was we would get drinks together or I would DD. Well tonight I ask him if we were still on and I get a text saying "sorry I have ...
A. 12 February 2016: No, you are not wrong in being upset. You two made plans and he NEVER mentioned spending it with his folks and not you.
Now he may not have known that his parents wanted to celebrate with him, but he should have told you the minute he knew tha... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to forgive and get over what my ex did?
Q. How am I supposed to forgive and get over what my ex did? I was with a man for 3 years, but knew him for about 2 years before dating. We were best friends before dating. So I had around 5 years invested into him. We really were very close...
A. 12 February 2016: "How am I supposed to forgive and get over it?"
By accepting that this was NOT your doing. By not taking responsibility for HIS action.
HE made that choice to get back in touch with her.
He chose to LIE to you and say they were "just" fri... (read in full...)
Could he be cheating while away? He said 'Good Night'.
Q. My husband is away on an overnight business trip. Let's say he cheated on me that night. Would he text me "Good night" or would he avoid texting me altogether? Which would be more likely? Texting Good night is not something he does every night whe...
A. 12 February 2016: I agree - impossible to know.
I don't think a "one time" out of the norm means he MUST be cheating.
I don't think someone who is about to go out cheating is going to text anything, because even a "good night" can lead to more texting or a cal... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to date me, but gets mad if someone else is interested. What's the problem?
Q. i been talk to this guy over 3 yrs on the phone. We never went out. We talk about ever thing I only talk 2 times a week or if he sick i call ever other day check on him. I fell in love with him. I never told him right off but i did ask ...
A. 12 February 2016: WHO cares what HE wants? He already HAS a family and a wife, he doesn't OWN you!!
If I were you I'd block and delete his number. YOU don't need to be nice to this guy. And you DON'T need to let him keep stringing you along. HE is not a friend. ... (read in full...)
Should I give my shy crush a Valentine's card?
Q. Hey! Should I give my shy crush a valentine's card? Im almost certain he knows I like him, as other agree it's been made obvious- but he also knows I'm shy.. BTW I don't know this guy as a friend yet, although he does always make shy conversation...
A. 12 February 2016: There is nothing embarrassing about giving a Valentine's, even if he doesn't feel the same way, at LEAST you did something sweet for another person.
You will never know, if you don't try.... (read in full...)
Is it a turn off if a girl has a very high sex drive?
Q. Hi all, I have a slightly weird question. I'm 18 and have a very high sex drive, I have a boyfriend if 4 months and he is now realising how horny I am. At the minute he seems fine with it but Id just like to ask is it a turnoff? I'm literally ...
A. 11 February 2016: I agree with Abella, don't let anyone "label" you for having a high sex drive. It's perfectly normal. Some have a high, some a medium and some a low level of sex drive. YOU happen to have a high one.
Just remember a relationship is more than jus... (read in full...)
Why does he keep flirting with me when he is married?
Q. Guy at work was flirting with me for about 6wks then I asked him out for a drink. He refused stating if he was not married he would, than proceeded to let me know how flattered he was,and lets continue to be friends. So I said I was sorry for ...
A. 11 February 2016: Some people just flirt with anything that moves. It's not always to be taken serious. For some it's banter, for others it's getting an ego rub, for fun or even trying to court someone.
In this case? You got a guy who likes to flirt to make HIM... (read in full...)
A threesome has turned into a disaster. My wife wants to spend the night with guy without me
Q. my wife and I have been married for twenty three years, recently she said she wanted to try a mmf threesome. She met a guy online who is older than her and after getting to know him we agreed to do it. The first two times we all had fun, the third ...
A. 11 February 2016: So the 3-some was her idea, which makes sense when you look at the scenario as it has played out so far.
I fully agree with YouWish - He wasn't a "friend" - he was (is) a guy she wanted a sexual experience/relationship with. She didn't want to ... (read in full...)
Guy touched butt on 1st date. Will he not call me again because of how I reacted?
Q. I went on a first date with a guy on Saturday. He was nice but he touched my butt.Not grabbed, but knowingly touched it. Aafter we kissed, he tapped it. Not slapped it but tapped it with his hand. Nervously, i didn't know how to react and didnt ...
A. 11 February 2016: I don't think he was "touchy feely" I think he was testing your boundaries, seeing how far he could go and whether you mentioned it or did anything about it.
I also think he WAS looking for a hook up, not something serious.
I think you did th... (read in full...)
Should I give my shy crush a Valentine's card?
Q. Hey! Should I give my shy crush a valentine's card? Im almost certain he knows I like him, as other agree it's been made obvious- but he also knows I'm shy.. BTW I don't know this guy as a friend yet, although he does always make shy conversation...
A. 11 February 2016: I think homemade cards are awesome. And making it a funny one is always good, beats a "sappy" run of the mill one any day. It shows thought and effort.
... (read in full...)
When do you tell a guy you are a virgin?
Q. Hello, first time poster. I keep having a problem here and I guess my main question is when do you tell a guy you are a virgin? I oviously shouldn't shake a boy's hand and say, "hi, I'm Carey and I'm a virgin." but a lot of boys, after I have been ...
A. 11 February 2016: I'd say you talk about it when it comes up naturally in a conversation WITH someone you have dated a while. No need to tell them on the first date. It's none of his business. And let's say you don't want a second date, so it's not IMPORTANT info to ... (read in full...)
Should I give my shy crush a Valentine's card?
Q. Hey! Should I give my shy crush a valentine's card? Im almost certain he knows I like him, as other agree it's been made obvious- but he also knows I'm shy.. BTW I don't know this guy as a friend yet, although he does always make shy conversation...
A. 11 February 2016: Why not? I think it's the perfect opportunity to show/tell him that you are interested.
You might have hinted till you are blue in the face, doesn't mean he understood your hints or that he thinks you are being serious.
You can sign it, or you ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any advice for the eternal commitophobe? Or should I just give up hope now and start investing in my cat collection now?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently split up with my boyfriend of 2 months. Which isn't very long I know, but it's been playing on my mind. I'm usually the sort of person who can cut someone off at the drop of a hat, and I've had to do that to survive in th...
A. 11 February 2016: No need to get your cats just yet.
I think you both had some issues with relationships. He might have been a TOO needy and over the top BF and you might have been scared of being with someone who seemingly cared so deeply for you.
Honestly, if ... (read in full...)
2nd time wedding blues. His wants vs my wants
Q. My fiance and I are starting to plan our wedding. This will be my second marriage and second wedding. I had the traditional wedding experience with my first wedding and am unsure of the proper etiquette for a second wedding. His family wants to ...
A. 11 February 2016: I agree, it's time to negotiate!
Instead of the destination wedding - have a DESTINATION honeymoon! And since you already HAD a wedding, let his family go crazy with planning a wedding AT HOME where your family and friends can join too.
By the ... (read in full...)
My gf is texting another guy
Q. Hi guys, I've been with my current girlfriend for over a year. At first, we started off as casual. During this time, she hooked up with two different guys and then met her ex girlfriend for Valentine's day (she swore nothing happened). I acc...
A. 11 February 2016: So does she think that because she is dating you.. that it's OK for her to be texting/chatting with a dude?
Have you asked her how SHE would feel if you DID that? If not, go ahead ask her.
She could EASILY tell the guy, hey I got a GF so I ca... (read in full...)
How can I be calmer? Should I be beating myself up about getting blocked on FB after my first date with a guy?
Q. Hello everyone! I had gone on a date with a guy on Saturday that I had been talking to for about a week. I am a confident woman and know that I have a lot to offer to a man, however... He was so attractive and a bit older than me, so I had gott...
A. 11 February 2016: It's OK, time to stop beating yourself up and learn from that date what you can.
HE is no prize. HE is a coward who lied to your face and then slipped the stiletto into your back.
BLOCK and DELETE his number and chalk the date up to a mistake.... (read in full...)
Confused, and flirting with another guy. What should I consider?
Q. Hello, I am mortified that I even have to ask this but I really really need some help. I have been going out with a guy for 5 months now and as much as I hate to admit it I'm not physically attracted to him but his personality is amazing, he is so...
A. 11 February 2016: I have to agree with Anonymous 123
You would not have fallen SO easily for #2 if everything was dandy with #1.
It's been 5 months with #1. And there is STILL no attraction, he HURTS himself when you argue? Is it hurt himself bad or enough to... (read in full...)
How does he get away with cheating and then get the perfect girl and relationship and I'm left looking like the big bad wolf.
Q. I'm probably going to get a lot of hate over this but this is why I'm writing, for help and advice. Around 19 months ago I had an affair with a guy 11 years younger than myself who was in a relationship with an extremely beautiful girl a...
A. 11 February 2016: No real "hate" here - just a bit of "truth".
I think what happened to you is Karma giving you a not so rude wake up call.
What you did wasn't cool at all, it was petty, mean and destructive and just backfired MAJORLY.
He probably isn't "ge... (read in full...)
What is crossing the boundary between an attached guy and his female friend? Please enlighten me!
Q. Recently, a female friend called my boyfriend about a personal issue. She was talking about a guy whom she slept with and did not want to pursue anything beyond FWB with her. They used to be colleagues, but by the time this call took place, they ...
A. 10 February 2016: I think talking "bed room woes" can be acceptable between friends (male/female/attached/not attached) I think it depends on how detailed the conversation was. I do think though she should have gone to a female friend instead.
However asking h... (read in full...)
What should I consider when dating a younger man?
Q. I have come across and found I am very attracted to and have a 'crush' on a younger guy. I feel as if I'm back in high school again! I started noticing him because he would sort of stare at me when we were around each other. He is 20. I feel he is ...
A. 8 February 2016: Don't lie about your age, lies like that will come out at one point.
And I have to say... 20 might be too young. He is BARELY out of his teens. Now he might like the idea of an older cougar, but it might not work long term. He is 20. He has a LO... (read in full...)
Do I keep snooping around? I think my husband is up to something but he's denying it all
Q. Hi, Please can I get some advice, I think my husband is up to something... Several weeks ago my husband had an issue with his car so it had to be in the dealership workshop for 9 days and they were unable to give him a loan car. I gave him ...
A. 8 February 2016: Well, not having a shared bank account do make it harder to see what's going on/what purchases he has made.
I do think it's pretty odd that your car was sighted so much over one week in places he claims to NOT have been.
Maybe, Auntie Cindy's s... (read in full...)
I just keep crying and its hard to stop.
Q. Okay so i broke up with a boy about a year ago because it was toxic and not good for either of us, but we were together a year and a half and are in the same social group, we've had a rollercoaster since then. he was messaging me saying we should ...
A. 8 February 2016: I agree with Auntie Bim Bim
No NEED to stay friends with an ex, NONE what so ever. Specially when he is still being abusive. I say you BLOCK and DELETE him from your life. Phone/social media etc. Same goes for the boys who are sending you crap mes... (read in full...)
This boy used to like my cousin, but now he likes me, and I don't know what to do!
Q. I need help well see my cousin and I are very close she is like a sister to me well this boy that used to like her doesn't like her no more because he doesn't want to keep opening up how he feels about her if she doesn't feel the same way and one ...
A. 8 February 2016: When someone "jump" from one person to another, it's always good to be weary. I think this boy isn't entirely sure what he wants, first it was your cousin, now it's you... next month? Who knows.
IF you are close with your cousin, I'd talk to her. ... (read in full...)
How long can a person pretend to be someone else to make another person happy?
Q. I'm worried about a friend of mine and was wondering if anyone has an advice. He dated this woman for over a year. They fought a lot, he cheated on her, etc. During that time he confided in his close friends, including myself so we knew exactly ...
A. 8 February 2016: He seems to like drama, keeping the ex-fling around and pretending to do as the current GF wants. Because I don't think people change over night. No matter how badly they want to be with someone... So who knows.
But I can tell you this, he is a ... (read in full...)
Is it worth it to force my wife to talk about a 2 year affair she had years ago? We never talked about it and she doesn't want to now
Q. Ladies....Do you think its worth trying to insist that my wife and i talk about a two year affair that she had MANY years ago, that at the time, we never really did talk about,other than me telling her to end it or else it was going to be the end ...
A. 8 February 2016: "Forcing" her, might not work.
But if it's something that is STILL haunting you to this day, I do think it needs to be discussed.
Who betrayed whom the worst in your marriage it's kind of ridiculous - you both did it to various degrees - she di... (read in full...)
Do I keep snooping around? I think my husband is up to something but he's denying it all
Q. Hi, Please can I get some advice, I think my husband is up to something... Several weeks ago my husband had an issue with his car so it had to be in the dealership workshop for 9 days and they were unable to give him a loan car. I gave him ...
A. 7 February 2016: I'd first look around at work for an identical or similar vehicle. If you find none all week, then I might snoop.
I think it's gone past the whole, just trust him. Too many odd things.
One thing though is this normal? For friend of yours to p... (read in full...)
How long can a person pretend to be someone else to make another person happy?
Q. I'm worried about a friend of mine and was wondering if anyone has an advice. He dated this woman for over a year. They fought a lot, he cheated on her, etc. During that time he confided in his close friends, including myself so we knew exactly ...
A. 7 February 2016: As much as it SUCKS to watch someone you care about make major mistakes, it IS his life, his choices his mistakes to make. NOT yours.
So what I would do it leave him be for a while, let him figure all that out on his own. He probably even know it ... (read in full...)
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