How can I cool this without offending him? I'm feel anxious!
Q. I am 70 and have been a widow for 8 years, a married man has been very kind, but recently bought me a rose plant, took me to lunch, and a couple of other visits. He is ok as a friend, the places we have visited are not of interest to his wife, but ...
A. 24 March 2017: OP, good for you!
And remember you really DO NOT owe him an explanation for living your life. Or even for canceling a ride.
You can do it, he'll hopefully catch on and back off.... (read in full...)
Do you think I have the right be upset since technically he is still married?
Q. I moved to a new town and got a job as a server at a local restaurant. One of my co workers is very cute and a lot of the girls like him. They are always going out as groups and hanging out with each other outside of work. We became really ...
A. 22 March 2017: So start with no drinking alcohol around him IF you feel the alcohol lowers your "defenses" and maybe cut down on the going to party with this group. You might also find NOT going out a lot with these people will save you money :)
Does he NEED you... (read in full...)
How can I cool this without offending him? I'm feel anxious!
Q. I am 70 and have been a widow for 8 years, a married man has been very kind, but recently bought me a rose plant, took me to lunch, and a couple of other visits. He is ok as a friend, the places we have visited are not of interest to his wife, but ...
A. 22 March 2017: Not wanting to talk someone isn't being mean OP :) And he IS a grown man, he can handle it.
Neither is saying No, thanks to gifts or someone wanting to pay for you. IT IS OK to say, it's kind of you to want to pay, but I can take care of myself. ... (read in full...)
How can I cool this without offending him? I'm feel anxious!
Q. I am 70 and have been a widow for 8 years, a married man has been very kind, but recently bought me a rose plant, took me to lunch, and a couple of other visits. He is ok as a friend, the places we have visited are not of interest to his wife, but ...
A. 22 March 2017: OP, have you thought of looking into a local group? One that little trips with people who enjoys art like you? It doesn't HAVE to be a senior group but you might find some kindred spirits you DO want to go sketching with, who makes YOU feel ... (read in full...)
Do you think I have the right be upset since technically he is still married?
Q. I moved to a new town and got a job as a server at a local restaurant. One of my co workers is very cute and a lot of the girls like him. They are always going out as groups and hanging out with each other outside of work. We became really ...
A. 22 March 2017: I had a coworker like that (though he was single) Totally charming, yummy, smart and honestly a bit manipulative. I was single at the time but didn't want to date a coworker and especially one like him (a bit of a player with a string of VERY short ... (read in full...)
Personal cleanliness? There has got to be a nice way to approach this! What would you do??
Q. I started seeing this guy about two months ago. We pretty much only hang out about two three nights a week when he'll come stay the night or weekend. We've known each other for a while now, we've taken our kids on play dates before etc. He's a...
A. 21 March 2017: I'd tell him that you have thought it over and come to the conclusion that you don't feel the two of you are a good match long term and that you don't want to string him along.
I think that is a "good enough" reason to want to end it after ON... (read in full...)
How can I cool this without offending him? I'm feel anxious!
Q. I am 70 and have been a widow for 8 years, a married man has been very kind, but recently bought me a rose plant, took me to lunch, and a couple of other visits. He is ok as a friend, the places we have visited are not of interest to his wife, but ...
A. 21 March 2017: How can you cool it and not offend?
First off, you have a RIGHT to say no or no, thanks when offered something. Especially if it makes you feel indebted.
Second of all, SUGGEST that his wife comes along next time he suggests anything or sugg... (read in full...)
Is being too fast rude?
Q. Would you consider it rude if a guy gets off within two minutes if it's the first couple of times you've done anything together? I started dating a guy a couple months ago and we started taking out to the next level recently. So far we've done it ...
A. 21 March 2017: I agree with Andie too.
Some guys have GREAT stamina, some don't. Some have it some of the time and other times they are a 2-minute man.
I don't think the amount of TIME he lasts equals to how much he likes the girl, I think the AMOUNT of EF... (read in full...)
Why does inexperience turn women off more than the other way around?
Q. Why does inexperience turn women off more than the other way around? Why is it that if a guy never had a girlfriend before, he is a turn off to the majority of girls that have had their fair share of boyfriends or just been in a relationship before, ...
A. 21 March 2017: How many women have actually told you this? Because to me, it makes no sense.
Maybe SOME women prefer a guy who has had a lot of experience but I don't think it's the majority.
Now I don't know how many WOMEN you actually know because it sound... (read in full...)
Do you think I have the right be upset since technically he is still married?
Q. I moved to a new town and got a job as a server at a local restaurant. One of my co workers is very cute and a lot of the girls like him. They are always going out as groups and hanging out with each other outside of work. We became really ...
A. 21 March 2017: No need to quit your job, just LEARN from the experience. I know people "hook up" at work and I have seen first hand how much drama THAT can create (especially when it doesn't work out) which is why I advocate a no dating/hooking up with coworker ... (read in full...)
Personal cleanliness? There has got to be a nice way to approach this! What would you do??
Q. I started seeing this guy about two months ago. We pretty much only hang out about two three nights a week when he'll come stay the night or weekend. We've known each other for a while now, we've taken our kids on play dates before etc. He's a...
A. 21 March 2017: I actually forgot to ask OP, have you been to his place? Is it nasty too? My guess is yes, which is another layer of being unhygienic.
I can't imagine living with a person who is a total slob, with their home AND person. I can't even imagine ... (read in full...)
How do I initiate my next FWB encounter with this guy?
Q. Had a one night stand with an acquaintance a few weeks ago and the sex was great! We tried going on a date after but it didn't work out, so we decided on a more of a friends with benefits situation (more my decision than his) and slept together ...
A. 21 March 2017: Are you really SURE he wants something casual?
I think if he was "after" just casual sex he might have "hit you up" for another roll in the hay.
You could try and invite him over, but one thing you have to remember is CONSENT - he may not reall... (read in full...)
Do you think I have the right be upset since technically he is still married?
Q. I moved to a new town and got a job as a server at a local restaurant. One of my co workers is very cute and a lot of the girls like him. They are always going out as groups and hanging out with each other outside of work. We became really ...
A. 21 March 2017: Have you told him that you aren't interested anymore? If so, I'd do that. I'd lay down very firm boundaries here and stick to them.
And then I would just be civil/polite at work but not engage in any flirting or banter with him.
As for him AS... (read in full...)
Personal cleanliness? There has got to be a nice way to approach this! What would you do??
Q. I started seeing this guy about two months ago. We pretty much only hang out about two three nights a week when he'll come stay the night or weekend. We've known each other for a while now, we've taken our kids on play dates before etc. He's a...
A. 20 March 2017: Sorry OP,
THIS is who he is. He is "dirty Dan" and not in the macho kind of way. Personal hygiene is something people KNOW by the time they are in their teens and while they may not be "super" into all the time, by their 20's they do it because ... (read in full...)
Do you think I have the right be upset since technically he is still married?
Q. I moved to a new town and got a job as a server at a local restaurant. One of my co workers is very cute and a lot of the girls like him. They are always going out as groups and hanging out with each other outside of work. We became really ...
A. 20 March 2017: Yes, I think he SHOULD have told you (and NO I don't think the other co-workers should - they might have presumed you knew already and it's NOT their business to tell every girl who finds him "cute" that he is married).
Now you know. Be glad he ... (read in full...)
Am I being hidden from the ex and his kids?
Q. Hello. I am hoping you are able to put my mind at rest really. I've been in a relationship with a guy for five months and it's all good. He lives about an hour away, and he has three kids who are another couple of hours away from him with his ex,...
A. 20 March 2017: I don't really think it's the time or place to tell them while in the middle of a divorce. Which is also WHY I think people SHOULD wait till the divorce is FINAL before even CONSIDERING to date.
So unless this drags out (the divorce) for YEARS, I... (read in full...)
I am considering contacting my train wreck of a dad!
Q. Hi everyone, thoughts, insights and advice please! I'm swiftly approaching a landmark birthday, the sort where you might stop and consider your life to that point. Well, I've been doing that and am considering making contact with my father. I'...
A. 20 March 2017: If he is still an alcoholic, his days might be numbered (not to freak you out) so YES, I would contact him. I would possibly make the first meeting short. Like over lunch (no alcohol). If THAT goes OK see him again and so forth.
If it doesn't ... (read in full...)
How can I get dates if I am not attractive enough for guys to ask me out or approach me in person?
Q. I just witnessed a girl right in front of me getting cold approached and hit on by guy while I am never hit on and/or approached by men. I am not intimidating because I notice guys cold approach women without sending signals to guys. In fact, ...
A. 19 March 2017: How much do you socialize?
How much to you actually interact with guys on/off campus?
I really don't know how common it is for guys to walk up and ask a girl out, they have never interacted with, at LEAST smiled at and gotten a smile back or ta... (read in full...)
He has not told his ex about me yet. Is is reasonable for me to feel so hurt? Am I over-reacting?
Q. I've been going out with my partner for one year. We both have kids from previous relationships. Being a mother and full time parent i have included him in my two kids lives. We both have teenage daughters. He spent christmas with his ex and stay...
A. 19 March 2017: So, He too has a teenage daughter and SHE doesn't know about you either?
Is he fully divorced from her? Could it be that you are a "secret" because the divorce isn't final and he doesn't want to rock the boat (NOT that it's a good excuse but it m... (read in full...)
His porno preference is ruining our marriage
Q. I simply can't accept that my husband wanted to look at porn with women that were the age of our daughter, around 20. I find this disgusting and don't seem to be able to get past it even though he tells me he isn't looking at it anymore. It's not ...
A. 19 March 2017: Youth sells.
That goes for models, actors, flight attendants (they were for a LONG time age gated with a MAX age of 32-35), news anchors, pin ups, exotic dancers/strippers, etc. For females, mind you, NOT for male counterparts.
Does it mean ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain bisexuality to me? GF and her best friend are but I don't understand it
Q. My girlfriend's sexuality is what she has stated to be bisexual, but she has no "love-connection" with females, just attraction wise. Now, her best friend is also bisexual in the same way, and they share sexual experiences constantly and w...
A. 18 March 2017: Honestly? It sounds like they BOTH use the term bisexuality as an excuse for doing EXACTLY what they want.
Bisexuals (in a nutshell) are romantically and SEXUALLY attracted to both men and women, or interested in sexual behavior toward both mal... (read in full...)
I want to be her friend and be there for her, but I don't want to be a problem for her and her new boyfriend if she still has any feelings. Advice?
Q. Dear friends This may take some time to explain, so thanks in advance. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend last august, but i had wanted to end the relationship since the previous february. In total we were together for about 1 year and 3 ...
A. 18 March 2017: Honestly, OP
You sound like a decent fella and one that got VERY lucky that you grew a set and ended it with her.
I feel like she wants you as her "close" friend in case the other guy doesn't work out, but also so she can STILL have you to "cli... (read in full...)
Is he scamming me?
Q. Hi and thank you for your advice I met a male online approximately two months ago. He is very charming. We've talked daily. He tells me his wife died in an accident and he doesn't communicate with his family and he has one son who stays wit...
A. 18 March 2017: Sounds a total scam.
Special OPS have a MUCH most comprehensive support net than the average military unit.
He is NOT (if he actually were spec ops) going to be without food or money. These guys are EXPENSIVE to train so NO government is go... (read in full...)
Should stay or leave our relationship? I think we have different goals and different attitudes to handling our money.
Q. Dear cupid, I don't know if I should stay or leave my relationship... myself (almost 24) and partner (almost 23) have been together two and a half years and I feel like we are going no where at the moment... We have been living with each other...
A. 18 March 2017: Jessica, you have asked about this relationship and BF for MONTHS now, but you are still with him - so WHAT is making you stay?
And I think you are being a little unfair that it's HIS fault you blew all your saving, you COULD (and should) have tol... (read in full...)
Can a true relationship be achieved without the affection and the touchy part?
Q. our sex life has slowly deteriorated. He blames it on my weight gain but many people including male friends and family have advised me that the weight is not the problem. He won't see a doctor cause he blames it on me, however he is 11 years olde...
A. 18 March 2017: I think if YOU are not having your NEEDS met and fulfilled then you are SETTLING.
And settling rarely means being happy.
Now it CAN be that your weight gain is something HE isn't a fan of, but you would think if it was SO off-putting to h... (read in full...)
I love her but I am nervous about the pressure to marry her so soon after the start of our LDR relationship. How should I respond to this pressure?
Q. Dear all i've been with my girlfriend since June last year and we've not had any problems. I've had 3 girlfriends before her but nothing has even come close to this. I know that she is the right one for me. She is probably the only person...
A. 17 March 2017: I think it makes a LOT more sense to get engaged first, then a year or so later (if things are GREAT) to marry. There should be no rush no matter how "perfect" you feel you are for each other.
And I think you should be honest with her.
If she ... (read in full...)
Does he still want to see me? He said that we would not be compatible long term, but he does like me
Q. Dear Cupid I need some advice, I've been seeing this guy for about a month (I'm 19 and he's 25) and we were getting on really well, he takes me out and treats me really nice, we just clicked. We're very similar and we've both noticed this. We'v...
A. 17 March 2017: First of OP, GET yourself to your doctor and start some birth control, secondly BUY condoms! USE both EVERY time you have sex in the future. This "oops pill" should not be used like candy. While I DO think it's better to take one than having an ... (read in full...)
My Bf passed away a year ago. Is it wrong to start dating the second cousin of my late partner?
Q. Okay my boyfriend passed away (father of my child) about 1 year ago. We were on and off for about 5 years, always fighting never really happy. I met someone who makes me really happy. Unfortunately it's his second cousin. (Even though the...
A. 17 March 2017: Are you in a spot and frame of mind where YOU are ready to move on? If so, I say go for it.
Sometimes it IS a very small World.
If this new man makes YOU and your child happy I can't see why you should "punish" yourself by NOT dating him.
L... (read in full...)
Why does my b/f talk to his ex but won't allow me to do the same?
Q. My boyfriend of a year is friends with an old ex who he doesn't feel attracted to anymore and I am totally fine with their friendship and glad they are friends. He has another ex who broke his heart and things got messy with her during the break ...
A. 16 March 2017: I agree with WiseOwlE
IF you ALLOW him to decide who you can talk to and whom you can't... HE will try and control not only this but anything he WANTS to control.
And who your BROTHER hangs out with is CERTAINLY not your BF's concern.
And ... (read in full...)
She doesn't want to ruin our friendship but I don't want to lose her to another guy!
Q. So I have been friends with this girl for 7 months and the friendship has been amazing but the one thing is I want her, but she "doesn't want to ruin the friendship", but we have been in a relationship 3 months ago but we just took some time apart, ...
A. 16 March 2017: OP, when people need to take a "break" from a relationship it's because it's not really working out. My guess is she likes you, but ONLY as a friend which is WHY she doesn't WANT to get back together again.
If you don't want her as a FRIEND o... (read in full...)
It was his first time. But straight after we finished he called his best friend to tell him we'd had sex. Made me feel like an object. What should I do?
Q. Hello, I'm a 16 year old girl. When I was 14 I had a relationship with a boy which lasted about 1,5 year. At the time my parents were breaking up and everything was falling apart. I got sexual abused and that boy destroyed me and I felt like de...
A. 16 March 2017: I'd say TELL him that you are hurt by his actions. One thing is that you KNEW he would tell - after all, that isn't surprising for a young, insensitive and immature teenage boy. But for him to CALL his buddies before you have even LEFT the house? To ... (read in full...)
I feel it's okay to say no to babysitting my husband's sister's children!
Q. My husband and I are both 26 and have been married for half a year. His sister is 10 years older and married with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I'm neutral to kids but my husband absolutely adores them. However neither of us are interested in ...
A. 16 March 2017: I say YOU make plans for that day (at least something that takes a few hour) and LEAVE the kids to him. After all, HE agreed to watch HIS sister's kids - so he CAN watch them.
My husband has done this QUITE a lot with our nieces' kids. One thin... (read in full...)
I've lost trust due to his texting other women yet he's talking about marriage. He's barely speaking to me, how do I sort this?
Q. Hi I've been with my partner now for nearly 4 years we have had trust issues down to him texting other women he has asked me about getting married I tried to explain to him that I need to be able to trust him 100 percent before I think about ...
A. 16 March 2017: What can you do?
Accept the obvious. He might TALK marriage but he isn't willing to do what YOU need in order to move forward (and I think your REQUEST of total trust is REASONABLE).
He is MAD that you didn't just suck up him talking to other... (read in full...)
Am I justified to break up with him?
Q. I'm going through a mixed phase right now with my bf. Recently, I've been reflecting on our relationship for the past 5 years, and I'm wondering whether I should just move on because I just don't feel happy anymore. We have been dating for 5 yea...
A. 16 March 2017: Seems like he is pulling games with you. When you seem to distance yourself he talks "make-believe marriage" or "fantasy future" to keep you hanging on.
How long are you going to "wait" for him to WANT to be independent, to live with you, to move ... (read in full...)
Should I stop flirting and just see if he makes a move? Do guys always flirt back if they're into you?
Q. I met a guy and didn't talk to him for long, but was teasing him cos i thought he was cute., but he didn't tease or flirt back. We sat at the bar together and were swinging on the stools slightly so our legs touched. We made eye contact across the ...
A. 15 March 2017: Yep, try and TALK to him without the flirty undertones. It might work better on this guy.
And no, flirting back isn't ALWAYS an indication of being into the other person. Some do it JUST for fun, some for attention and some out of boredom.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get married without a proposal?
Q. Hi, I have a question and would appreciate your help. I'm 40 and my boyfriend of 2 months is 44. We both have a kid from our previous marriage. He is a professor and I'm a nurse. I know it's too soon but things are going so well and fast! He is ...
A. 15 March 2017: I think it depends on the people involved. And I think you two are by FAR rushing things. 2 months! That is how long you have been dating? Where is the fire?
There are KIDS involved so I really think you two need to put the breaks on the who marr... (read in full...)
Does he like me or just want sex?
Q. Just when I'd totally shut my self off from dating then the world gave me this guy. I have known him since 2012 but I always ignored him and blocked his calls. Recently I haven't been going out much and he suddenly contacted me. I decided to hang ...
A. 15 March 2017: So basically HE is still the same guy you turned down 5 years ago.
He is STILL looking to "bang" you.
And honestly, he probably "hit on" all the pretty customers who's accounts he handled.
If I were you I'd pass up this guy and WORK on the... (read in full...)
How can I stop coming on so strong?
Q. Hey everyone. So I've been posting here for quite a while about all of my struggles with attracting women. I think I may finally realize what's been going on. I come on too strong and over analyze things on pretty much every attempt. It's just who I ...
A. 15 March 2017: It is VERY hard to give you advice when you don't REALLY go into detail on how and where you "fail" with women.
I honestly don't think many women like an "aggressive" approach. Even if you don't mean aggressive = violent - if you mean NOT taking "... (read in full...)
She gives me false hopes and is still chatting with her ex! Advice?
Q. Hello DearCupid readers, I am 30. two and a half months ago I got in contact with a woman, who is 24 and she has a 2 year old daughter. We first talked online and then started seeing each other offline, since we're both in the same city. In...
A. 15 March 2017: End it. She isn't serious about you.
I agree with WiseOwlE here. You have only known her 2 1/2 months and you REALLY want sex which seems to be WHY you haven't said, OK bye! already.
After 2 1/2 months of talking and seeing each other doesn... (read in full...)
Without heat, hot water or a carer - please advise
Q. I have a difficult situation. I have been without heat or hot water in my flat for a week. There have been workmen doing some work on the pipes outside on my street. They are supposed to be doing some work in the garden next door. Until that is ...
A. 15 March 2017: Do you have family or friend who can help you sort this out? Or the family that you can stay with till it's fixed? Or do you have a case worker who can help you?
Sometimes repairs HAVE to be made and there isn't much you can do. But I can't se... (read in full...)
Miscarried and I'm not over it
Q. Hi all I'm a 20 year old woman and I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. We're currently saving for a house. He is in a full time job while I've been drifting from job to job (whilst looking for a full time serious job). I have been ...
A. 15 March 2017: It is very normal to feel the way you did. After all, YOU carried the pregnancy, YOU got the influx of hormones, YOUR body went through the miscarriage. His hurt might have been more from watching and knowing YOUR pain.
I would automati... (read in full...)
He won't let go of me!
Q. I've been in an emotionally draining relationship for the past 2 years. I say 'emotionally draining' because whenever we did fight, I always left my ego aside and went back to apologize, sometimes when I wasn't even in the wrong!! Just because I was ...
A. 15 March 2017: Yes, you should not have started to USE another guy as a "feel-good" because your relationship and your BF made you feel like crap. It's NEVER a good "solution" to involve another person in an already troubled relationship.
However, I don't th... (read in full...)
Do I quit my job? I feel my coworker doesn't like me, and some of the behaviour at work feels like bullying to me.
Q. I work for a warehouse factory that distrubutes sporting things such as football tops and trophies etc. I'm being bullied at work from my boss and the assistant of the boss and they can't seem to leave me alone for five minutes. everytime I go into ...
A. 15 March 2017: If you have a new job lined up, GOOD that means you can hopefully get out of the ASAP.
Talk to the new place and see how SOON you can start. And then plan it out so you give (however many weeks notice you need to give).
... (read in full...)
How can I stop caring what he thinks of me? Is there anyway I can repair my image in his eyes?
Q. I'm 23 and my whole life, I've been cautious of who I get intimate with. I had always wanted to be intimate with a boyfriend if I ever had sex and I don't get into relationships for the sake of being in a relationship. It's not often that I get a ...
A. 15 March 2017: I don't think you can change how he sees you. But you CAN change how you SEE yourself, how you TREAT yourself.
You are NOT a dirty whore or slut for having had an ONS and now a casual relationship, but if YOU BELIEVE that sex is part of a RELATION... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to indulge in an MMF threesome with his best friend
Q. My boyfriend of a year recently asked me if I would be into a MMF threesome with one of his best friends, although his words were "tag team". He revealed it was one of his fantasy's, and asked me if I would be into it. At the time I said I don't ...
A. 15 March 2017: I think a lot of people have 3-some fantasies - usually MFF. What makes his request a bit iffy is that he first of all calls it "tag team" - which sounds like you are just providing the holes, being a prop in his little "porn".
And he might no... (read in full...)
Why can't she see he is not a good person? Do I just leave her to get on with things? Since she is not listening
Q. Hello. My good close friend who is 27 has had a rough few years. Her Mother passed away, the Father of her 2 kids left her (he still regularly sees the children) She has begun having a relationship (now 10 months and I have met him once) with someo...
A. 14 March 2017: Let her be then if she is ALLOWING him to isolate her and keep her from her friend that IS her choice - not a great choice but her's none the less.
Would I cut her off completely? No. She might NEED someone in her corner at some point when she... (read in full...)
Does he like me or just want sex?
Q. Just when I'd totally shut my self off from dating then the world gave me this guy. I have known him since 2012 but I always ignored him and blocked his calls. Recently I haven't been going out much and he suddenly contacted me. I decided to hang ...
A. 14 March 2017: OP, I have to ask... WHY did you ignore him and have him blocked since 2012?
It makes no sense to me that ALL of a sudden you no longer feel a need to ignore and block THIS one guy.
IF you spend 5 years IGNORING HIM how come he loves you?
... (read in full...)
Do I quit my job? I feel my coworker doesn't like me, and some of the behaviour at work feels like bullying to me.
Q. I work for a warehouse factory that distrubutes sporting things such as football tops and trophies etc. I'm being bullied at work from my boss and the assistant of the boss and they can't seem to leave me alone for five minutes. everytime I go into ...
A. 14 March 2017: Have you looked for a new job to replace this one with?
Can your family do OK without your income?
Does this company have an HR department?
I can understand that no one wants to work in a hostile work environment, but personally, I'd prob... (read in full...)
Why can't she see he is not a good person? Do I just leave her to get on with things? Since she is not listening
Q. Hello. My good close friend who is 27 has had a rough few years. Her Mother passed away, the Father of her 2 kids left her (he still regularly sees the children) She has begun having a relationship (now 10 months and I have met him once) with someo...
A. 13 March 2017: She knows he is trouble. She KNOWS. Why she is choosing to ignore it is hard to say. I can tell you this, though, it's NOT out of love, or love as WE know it. She thinks she can "change" him. She is dating a man because she THINKS he can be a great ... (read in full...)
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