| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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In love with my 24 year old English teacher
Q. Hey everyone, im very confused and depressed, i have fallen in love with my 24 year old english teacher who also teaches math coaches football and baseball this happened when i was in grade 10 i just cant get over him, ive never been in love before ...
A. 27 August 2010: Your response is so out of order it's unbelievable. You sit there and say 'thanks for nothing'.
Are you not listening!?
YOU CAN RUIN HIS LIFE!
What is it with teenage girls and teachers! You would rather him have his life ruined than listen ... (read in full...)
My daughter does PORN!!
Q. i have found out in the last year that my daughter is a pornstar and before that worked as a escort, i am finding this hard to deal with as she does not care whom it affects in her life, i have just lost my relationship over what she does, my ...
A. 25 August 2010: Not worth it at all. Your daughter wasn't near, she's miles away and wasn't going to meet them. And you don't share the same surname as him. It was never going to be linked. And to say you're tainted it complete rubbish. Nothing here is linked and ... (read in full...)
In love with my 24 year old English teacher
Q. Hey everyone, im very confused and depressed, i have fallen in love with my 24 year old english teacher who also teaches math coaches football and baseball this happened when i was in grade 10 i just cant get over him, ive never been in love before ...
A. 23 August 2010: Uh-huh. I had a friend like you. She thought the teacher liked her. Turned out he did. He then got jailed. She ruined her life. You have no right to ruin his life. I don't care what you say about 'atmosphere'. You came her asking for advice. I'm ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact about my boyfriend's drinking?
Q. I'm very staunchly against drinking and doing drugs. To make a long story short, I am the only sober person in my family. I'm proud of that. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I hate how people change when they get drunk. I hate how people make ...
A. 23 August 2010: So don't budge. Dump him and live your own life. There's no use in you getting mad and insulting people here who have given you advice and saying we're sad. The advice we gave was that you open up to the idea of compromise. You've come back and ... (read in full...)
I cheated and he did too but he's lying about it!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years but for two of them he has been incarcerated, while he was away i had an affair and stupidly told him about it. he chose to forgive me and recently returned home. most of the time everything is fine but every ...
A. 23 August 2010: What are you even doing with this guy? You have the proof, and he still denies it. He wouldn't admit it if you had video! And to top it off, he's been in jail and you've cheated as well. Stop trying to get him to admit he's done it, and walk away ... (read in full...)
He's hitting on me he has a g/f and now I don't think I can trust him
Q. A male friend of mine who i've known for a while had been very flirtatious towards me so, as he has a girlfriend, i told him to knock it off, he said he didn't mean and would never cheat on his girlfriend. So, anyway he invited me out for a drink as ...
A. 23 August 2010: Walk away from him. He's after cheating and just using you all. He's not a friend. He's a cheat.... (read in full...)
In love with my 24 year old English teacher
Q. Hey everyone, im very confused and depressed, i have fallen in love with my 24 year old english teacher who also teaches math coaches football and baseball this happened when i was in grade 10 i just cant get over him, ive never been in love before ...
A. 23 August 2010: You read too much into his actions. There isn't anything there at all. He's just a teacher. He will catch the eyes of everyone in the hall, he will talk to everyone, he will smile to everyone because that's what he's paid to you. He knows as well as ... (read in full...)
My best friend is gay and I love him and want to tell him
Q. I am in love with my best friend. How could I not be? He is always there for me and we do everything together. We have stuck together for a very long time, and I believe he feels the same. One issue; he's gay. Since I am his female "fag hag...
A. 23 August 2010: If he is gay (and it seems as if he really is), then you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain by telling him. It will do nothing, and will affect your friendship, possibly beyond repair because he will realize you need to be alone to get over ... (read in full...)
If a man views porn, is that sufficient reason for a woman to break off the engagment?
Q. Here is my situtation. I am 60 yrs old, of Italian heritage, and my now ex-fiancee is 54 and of Korean heritage. I am a widower; she has been divorced for 6+ years. I say this to put things into perspective. I am retired and a very succ...
A. 23 August 2010: You say you did nothing wrong. But you did lie to her. And that's the problem. That's why it ended. She obviously was not willing to allow a man in her life who had porn. That's one thing. But you did lie to her and just hide the porn, rather than ... (read in full...)
14, he's 17, what can we do that isn't against the law?
Q. just a question i am 14 and i like this 17 year old and he like me and if we did get together what am i acctually allowed to do with him without it being against the law ??? ( i know not sex ) thanx :)...
A. 23 August 2010: Sex, drinking, drugs. That's it. You can do other things.... (read in full...)
Is porn just mental cheating?
Q. I understand that porn isn't technically cheating. But I feel like my boyfriend may have a slight obsession with it. He looks at it every day of the week, maybe only 5 or 6 days some weeks, but for the most part, he does it every day. We are in a ...
A. 23 August 2010: To be honest, this guy is not really that great. The issue is not that he's cheating with porn. The issue is that he is becoming obsessed with it to the point where he treats you like the porn stars, and not as a woman he loves. He just seems to ... (read in full...)
Good parent bad parent dilemma
Q. How can I deal with bad parent or good parent dilemma? I have 2 drug addict children. I mean they are adults now, but my children. But ,I have a terrible painful issue. I worry everyday, they might die, my life is pure suffering. We tried to bring...
A. 23 August 2010: I think you did just as you said. I think you did everything, and I don't think there is anything else you can do. The world no longer chooses to blame an individual. Instead, people look for reasons. No one can just accept that your two children ... (read in full...)
My married friend is having an affair!!
Q. Ive just found out that my friend is having a affair with a single guy. She says that they have no love in the marriage and he provides litle support when she needs it. She doesnt want to separate since this would be her second divorce. In addition, ...
A. 23 August 2010: Good point from Spiderweb - don't act as an alibi and get drawn into this mess. ... (read in full...)
We sleep together but I'm not ready for sex....
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now, he is super sweet, nice and amazing. The only problem with our relationship is that we haven't yet had sex. We are both virgins. I am totally not ready for sex yet, I'm only 18! He's 18 too but he is ...
A. 23 August 2010: If you're not ready, then make it clear and stick to your guns. He'll either be that super sweet, nice, amazing guy and understand and keep his hormones in check until he is ready, or he will show himself up and leave. All you can do is stick to ... (read in full...)
Cowgirls first rodeo....any tips?
Q. hi new b/f really likes me to go on top but i always feel awkward in this position as i don't know what movements will turn him on,does it have to be hard and fast,how can i feel more comfortable on top,really want to get it right...any tips?...
A. 23 August 2010: From a male point of view, the best part about this position is that the woman is totally in charge. It's not about what HE wants, it's about what you want to take from him. So, you do exactly as you want to and what you feel comfortable with. If ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?
Q. I feel so trapped and alone. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I'm only 17 and I know alot of young teenagers feel like this, which is comforting to an extent, but I don't know when I'm not ever going to feel like this. I feel so clostrap...
A. 23 August 2010: You sound depressed. I think you need to tell someone you feel this way, whether it's your parents or a doctor. You're coming to an age where a lot will suddenly start to change in your life, and you need to be on top of your feelings. So please ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went back to his ex while I was pregnant, but now he wants to come back to me! Should I give him another chance?
Q. I'm 3 months pregnant with my boyfriend who i've not been with for long. I became in love with him very quick and even though my family was shocked at me being pregnant at 18 they became happy and excited. Just last week i found out he was meeting ...
A. 23 August 2010: No. He's a liar, a cheat, and will make a totally unreliable and worthless boyfriend at a time when you need him. Tell him to get a job and get ready to pay for his child. ... (read in full...)
Cheated on my boyfriend...don't know what to do.
Q. I've cheated on my boyfriend and now I just don't know what to do. I'm beside myself with guilt, and feel so upset and disapppointed with myself, and above all, scared. I can't eat, I can't sleep; I'm physically sick because of what I have done. I ...
A. 23 August 2010: It depends why you want to tell him. Do you want to tell him because you think it's the right thing to do, or just to alleviate your own guilt?
There is no use in telling him just to make yourself feel better. You need to tell him because you resp... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is still part of the family, how do I deal with this?
Q. I am recently reunited with my high school sweetheart from 30 years ago and he says that things are headed toward marriage for us. He and I both say that we've never been happier. We have a long-distance relationship at this point. I am divorced ...
A. 23 August 2010: I don't doubt for a second that nothing is going on between them. I think from his friend's point of view, there is nothing at all in this. She is married, and has since had children with this other man. I genuinely believe that to her, this is ... (read in full...)
Should I go to a long time friends party or go to my other friends home town?
Q. I'm not sure what to do about meeting up with my friends. One of my friends is having a night out for her birthday on 4th September, bu ti havent seen her for a few years, and there will be a lot of people there that i dont know, and i feel shy in ...
A. 23 August 2010: Go to the birthday party for the friend you've not seen for some time, and try taking that other friend of yours. That's probably the best option out of all this. If nothing else, you'll know where your friendship with your old schoolfriend is ... (read in full...)
He used the line "it's not you it's me" what do I do?
Q. I broke up with my bf about two months ago I meet someone else took the risk we dated and everything was so weird he would never call me all we did was txt in the begging he would always wanna hang out with me come to my house and stuff but yet no ...
A. 23 August 2010: I think you had a great escape here. This guy sounds like a loose cannon who didn't know what he wanted from you or anything else. He was in no way ready for commitment, and seemingly had little respect for you at the end of it. Count your blessings ... (read in full...)
Not sure if I want to marry him now! Help!
Q. Hi i've been with my bf for 5 years and although i love him the fear of getting closer to marriage kinda scares me. It's so weird b/c marriage is all i used to think about with him..during our 2nd and 3rd year dating were were looking at rings for ...
A. 23 August 2010: I think you should just end it. Taking a break often is the death anyway. Very rarely do relationships get back on track after a break. I don't think you're ready to be totally committed, and I think spending time on your own life doing what you ... (read in full...)
He can't choose between me and his gf! What can I do?
Q. i ve been with this guy for the past 1 year....he s got a girl friend but he tells me i m the best and he cant choose he's messed up....i ve been giving him chances but yet he tells me i'm pushing him. he s done alot of stuff/ things for me n ...
A. 23 August 2010: You're totally wasting your life on this guy. He's never going to commit. He'll just pick and choose whoever he wants to. End it, permanently. ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact about my boyfriend's drinking?
Q. I'm very staunchly against drinking and doing drugs. To make a long story short, I am the only sober person in my family. I'm proud of that. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I hate how people change when they get drunk. I hate how people make ...
A. 23 August 2010: I think it's a case of yes and no. My girlfriend doesn't drink, for the same reasons as you. She told me that. In respecting her decision, I never drink when I'm with her, of before I see her. But she has never asked me to completely give up.
Y... (read in full...)
Has anyone had a relationship work out w/ an age difference of 10+ yrs?
Q. Why does everyone say that a relationship with a huge age difference will never work? I have been dating Greg for 6 months, I will be 20 next month and he is 32. EVERY ONE always says that he is only in it for the sex yet our relationship is NOT by ...
A. 23 August 2010: Everyone says it because the majority of the time, it's true. I'm in a relationship with an older woman, so I know sometimes it can work out. But more often than not, they don't work out. That's basically why people say it won't work out. You only ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is controlling me, even to the point where he gets annoyed if I spend my own money!
Q. My boyfriend tries to control everything i do. I have been working full time in my career as a conference coordinator for about 5 months now, and i have been told i will be promoted at 6 months. For the past 4 years i have had to use public ...
A. 23 August 2010: Dump your boyfriend, now. Soon he'll be telling you what friends you can see, what time you can go out, what you wear. And after that maybe he'll start hitting you as well. ... (read in full...)
My married friend is having an affair!!
Q. Ive just found out that my friend is having a affair with a single guy. She says that they have no love in the marriage and he provides litle support when she needs it. She doesnt want to separate since this would be her second divorce. In addition, ...
A. 23 August 2010: I'm sad to say that your friend appears to have serious problems. One marriage has already gone wrong, and the second is already going wrong as well. The advice you can offer is this. Either she goes home and works on her marriage and stops the ... (read in full...)
If I swim will it get all the left over sperm out of me?
Q. Hi. I'm just very curious. I just had sex with my bf few weeks ago.A day after having sex, i went swimming for hours.Can this actually helps to wash away those sperm left inside me? ...
A. 23 August 2010: No, it won't. I don't want to sound like a boring adult either, but if you don't understand completely how sex works, do not do it until you do. You need to make sure you understand that once a guy's sperm is in you, it's in you and there is a ... (read in full...)
How do I sow my wild oats?
Q. most of the people who sow their wild oats are happy because they know what its out there and even though they claim they changed their ways they are still happy for doing some experimenting. well, i need tips on how to sow my wild oats because ...
A. 23 August 2010: You're doing it for the wrong reasons. I won't say it doesn't matter. To some, it does. But you're not doing it because you want to. You're doing it because you feel jealous and society says you have to. It won't work for you, and you'll regret it. ... (read in full...)
Teen boys, are they all shallow?
Q. Hey, Everyone always says that teenagers make a really big deal of romance and that they have a really immature view of love. I think this is true of some teenagers but not of everyone. Sometimes I do feel though that teenage boys are really s...
A. 23 August 2010: I was a teenage boy a few years ago, and I have to say that at first, like nearly all guys, I was very shallow. I only fancied the pretty girls, little realizing that not that many of them are nice. The answer to your question in short is that ... (read in full...)
Why won't he leave?
Q. My husband is pleasantly nice, but has nothing to say to me, he is flirty to younger women and yet he denies it if i comfront him... He says I am crazy!!! We both after 20 years of marraige got verbally abusive, for me its for attention, accordin...
A. 23 August 2010: He wont' leave because his life is made. He flirts as he likes, and you stay. He treats you badly, and you stay. I'm sure you run around after him and I'm sure you're a good wife. So he stays. A man won't leave if he has creature comforts and ... (read in full...)
My daughter does PORN!!
Q. i have found out in the last year that my daughter is a pornstar and before that worked as a escort, i am finding this hard to deal with as she does not care whom it affects in her life, i have just lost my relationship over what she does, my ...
A. 23 August 2010: You haven't done anything wrong with respect to your partner. What you have done is allow yourself to be turned against your daughter because of him. You're saying that he walked out because of her. That's an excuse. There are a lot of people ... (read in full...)
Will it ever be more than just sex?
Q. I've been in an unhappy marriage for 20 years. Have 5 kids so it isn't easy to leave. I had been starting to seriously think about divorcing while I am still relatively young and could find true love/happiness when something happened that made ...
A. 23 August 2010: This guy is most definitely using you for sex. You need to end this affair and either put effort into your marriage, or take a chance and end it. You might well end up alone, but that is the change taken. And it's better than your husband finding ... (read in full...)
Why can't she see he's not good for her and I'm better for her?
Q. so i met this girl back in early october, 2009, she was with another dude at the time but then broke up with him, we were getting really close and all, she was my best friend and i was hers, after she broke up with that dudes we got really close, ...
A. 23 August 2010: Sadly, some girls just love their idiots and bad boys. Your so called friend is one of them. I say so called friend, because she's treating you like the safety net, rather than as a friend. She claims that if it doesn't work out with him, she'll be ... (read in full...)
Short girl, Tall guy, How can I get him to notice me?
Q. MODS NOTE: The title you'd like has already been used, so I changed it slightly so I could post question for you. Hi. My name is J. Anyway, I have an interesting question: I am 5-foot-3 and there is this guy I like that is 6-foot-5. My question...
A. 23 August 2010: Go and speak to him. I'm just over 6 feet, and my girlfriend is about your height. So though the height isn't as big, I still noticed her. If you speak to this guy, he will notice you. Then you can try to get to know him. You could be any height and ... (read in full...)
I want to be single but cant bear to leave him...
Q. (Title chosen by poster was taken) hi Ive been with my bofriend for 3 years now. Althought i love him very much i cheated on him a week ago. me and my boyfriend have a love hate relationship we can argue all the time but always end up laughing a...
A. 23 August 2010: Cheating is wrong. And the fact you cheated says a lot about this relationship. I'm sure you feel bad enough. But you need to stop sitting there in self pity for a moment and look at this guy for what he is. This is a guy who shows you no love, no ... (read in full...)
Is it right for a girlfriend to NOT tell her male friends about you?
Q. Is it right for your girlfriend NOT to tell her MALE best friend about you? ...
A. 23 August 2010: To be honest, I'd be a little suspicious at this. My girlfriend has male friends, and they know about me. If your girlfriend has make friends but won't tell them about you, then maybe she likes one of the more, or maybe she likes the attention a bit ... (read in full...)
Heart broken and need some serious advice
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years we are both 29. This is the first serious relationship for both and he is also my first. he just broke up with me for the second time for the same reason there is a feeling missing and he cant explain ...
A. 23 August 2010: I'm afraid you do need to pull back and give up. When a guy says he's 'not good enough', the truth is he's not. Granted your ex has been through a lot lately, such as the passing of hit mother. But he's searching for something that doesn't exist ... (read in full...)
He wouldn't let me touch him, I think he's been with someone else!
Q. dear cupied.my husband went on vaction for tree weeks,when he came back i thought we would have great sex,he has ahigh sex drive.but when we got in bed,we strated to make love,he did not have a erection,and he was facking,he would not let me touch ...
A. 22 August 2010: I think you're jumping to a conclusion far too quickly. Slow down. You have no proof of anything. All you have is him not being able to get an erection. That could be a sign of erectile dysfunction, caused by stress or tiredness. Men can be as ... (read in full...)
Informing the new girlfriend about the ex's cheating ways
Q. Do anyone of you feel guilty for not informing your ex's new girlfriend about his cheating past? My ex cheated on me to be with her. He also has a history of cheating on other ex girlfriends. It has been more than a year since we broke up an...
A. 22 August 2010: I also have to say it's best to stay out of it. Not because he has a history of cheating, but because it would make you appear more like a bit of an obsessed ex or something. The new girlfriend will be aware of his cheating. She still took him on, ... (read in full...)
"just give me time to think about things" Is he going to dump me?
Q. Hello, I wonder if anyone can offer me a piece of advice, recently my boyfriend has been acting very strange, and today I recieved the text: "Just give me time to think about things. I've got a lot going on right now and just need to sort my life ...
A. 22 August 2010: To be honest, it's not a good sign. I can't tell you what happened, but something is causing him to doubt your relationship together. It may have nothing to do with you at all. It could be something else that is causing him to feel this way. But he ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of sex because I was sexually harassed and I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend!
Q. hey: im 20 years old i have a boy friend and he love me alot and i love him so much the problem is that he said he wanna have sex with me well i want 2 have sex with him but i feel fear and horror of the sex even i love my boy friend and i wanna ha...
A. 22 August 2010: Hi,
I think maybe you need to take a step back from your boyfriend just for this moment. His reaction to you suggesting that you may need to see a doctor was a little immature and a bit cold. The idea of him 'being your doctor' when you've said... (read in full...)
I am blinded by this douche bags good looks, but he's no good!!
Q. Alright, so recently I've had this very strong urge in wanting to have sex with this guy who I have thought has been soo good looking/hot. but the thing is, he's a total douche bag! And I am no way into his douche bag ways, but he has a good ...
A. 7 August 2010: Basically, you fancy a bad boy. Well, if you do anything with a bad boy, you can't complain when it's thrown back at you. So if you wish to preserve your reputation and dignity, don't touch him. If you do have sex with him, it will come out and ... (read in full...)
Help!! I had a party today and i'm:
Q. OP's ownm title: help!! i'm drunk i went to this party and i did a pole dance in front of mans my boyfriend was waiting for me like 2 hours. i haven't told him yet. what to do??...
A. 7 August 2010: Sit down and sober up first. Then come clean with your boyfriend.... (read in full...)
Broken hearted and lonely seeks much needed advice.
Q. Mod Note....OP's own title. Dear Cupid, I am a 24 year old single girl who has been in several long term relationships in the past few years. Recently however, I've had no luck whatsoever on the dating front, and find myself wondering if I will ...
A. 7 August 2010: You said you've been in several long term relationships in the last few years. That means you've been out with several guys who were not Mr Right.
I do think you're a nice girl, but I think you're placing too much emphasis on finding a guy, rath... (read in full...)
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