| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: Well stay strong,get checked and if you ever need to talk about anything, we're all here. ... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: I wasn't saying you were a nutcase. I was saying that if you try to bury it, when you get older, it might suddenly come back. However, you must do as you want to. Though I also have to say make sure you're not pregnant by this other guy, and make ... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: You can't just forget about it. A woman I know did that. Ten years later, she tried to kill herself because of depression. If nothing else, please get counselling. ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with his lack of trust in me?
Q. I am a woman in a relationship with a cuckold boyfriend (live together) who wants me to have sex with other men. I don't want to, and he seems to accept that, although he often accuses me of cheating on him anyway. It seems totally contradictory ...
A. 2 January 2010: Yes, that's a classic threat of a man who clearly is warped and wants to control you. Seriously, leave him.... (read in full...)
Talk to the ex about us? Or let bygones be bygones?
Q. Do I agree to talk with my ex about 'us', or is it better to let bygones be bygones? My ex boyfriend wants to talk to me about ‘us’. I don’t think I am ready to do this, but he is a good person, and I would like to be able to meet him face-to-face...
A. 2 January 2010: I would recommend a phone call. That way, he would hear your voice, rather than read a letter that he could imagine you didn't write. ... (read in full...)
I want to masturbate in front of my sister
Q. My sister walked in on me when I was in the middle of masturbating. Since then I have wanted to masturbate in front of her. I am afraid to ask her so I secretly masturbate in front of her while she is sleeping. Should I ask her if I can do it in ...
A. 2 January 2010: You are well and truly barking up the wrong tree. Sexual stiff between siblings is entirely wrong. And you could get into serious trouble. ... (read in full...)
Why are guys so afraid of comittment?
Q. can someone tell me more about commitment and why guys are afraid of it so much.i don't understand my bf told me he wants to make the relationship work but he does not want any commitment.i tried breaking up with him for the new year and he was in a ...
A. 2 January 2010: Not all guys are afraid to commit. But some do use women and then say they won't commit. Maybe it's all just moving too fast for him. To be honest though, he said he didn't want any commitment, so I wouldn't bother with him. ... (read in full...)
The ex: Neither of us will say that we still love each other
Q. I just spent an amazing evening with my ex boyfriend. Unfortunately, we're not together and haven't been for several years now. The part that makes this so complicated is that I know I'm still deeply in love with him but I haven't said anything. He ...
A. 2 January 2010: Slow right down. He's just broken up with his girlfriend, and has come straight back to you? Red flag there. You don't don't
want to be the rebound. He was an ex for a reason, so slow down and get to know him again. Don't be used.... (read in full...)
Men and Rejection
Q. I once heard that once a man has rejected by a woman he will never pursue or respect her again. I am very curious to know how bad does rejection hurt the male ego. Is it really that hard for a male to get over the rejection and just be friends with ...
A. 2 January 2010: It can be hard. It depends how close you are to that person. I was close to about half the girls I asked out, and the other half I wasn't. Clearly I was more hurt by the ones I was closer too, because I had thought I knew them better than I did. But ... (read in full...)
I seen pictures of her on facebook and she doesn't look the same and now I feel shallow!
Q. I have been talking to this girl online for almost a year now. She doesnt live close by, but we have been planning to meet. I talk to her on the phone all the time and I have added her on Facebook. I feel so very horrible and shallow though. She ...
A. 2 January 2010: This is the problem with online relationships. You had an image in your head and it's totally different to what she is. Just get to know her in person, listen to her and realize that she's more than a body. See where that leads. But clearly if ... (read in full...)
Ex calling me
Q. I had a relationship with my ex.Ex's ex girlfriend came back.He broke up with me.I was very understanding.I moved away from his life.He has always tried to ask how I am or what I have been doing.He has also asked me if I need any monetary help.I ...
A. 2 January 2010: He's just stringing you along in case he ever needs to have an affair. Don't be used. Change your number instead.... (read in full...)
I don't have the balls to get divorced because I feel guilty!
Q. I had been married for 10 years, my marriage was failing since the wedding night when we were not able to have sex because she had too much pain. I centered my attention in working and getting my doctorate and I can realize now that I put my relat...
A. 2 January 2010: This guilt is a waste of time. You have a new girl, and you need to focus on the future now because you'll lose her if you don't divorce. Your wife hasn't bothered with you since April, so it's over. Get the divorce and move on with your life.... (read in full...)
She acts like she's interested but then blows me off!
Q. So I have been talking to this girl now for a couple of weeks, she seems like she is interested, but whenever I ask her to hang out she just kind of blows it off. for example the other night I told her I was going to bed and that we should hangout ...
A. 2 January 2010: Don't ask her out again. Either she doesn't fancy you, and isn't worth the time, or she's playing hard to get and is playing with your heart, in which case she isn't worth the time. Let her do some running around.... (read in full...)
Is it fate to run into her again?
Q. hi. im a lil confused by a cituation im in. when i was in highschool i had a good female friend. we talked every day at school, but that was pretty much the extent of it. we would flirt every now and then but she was in a relationship. although one ...
A. 2 January 2010: If you're both single, then there's no reason why you can't date. If you really like her, then it's worth talking to her about it. For what it's worth, I had a crap school counsellor too, so I understand it wasn't your fault, and hopefully she will ... (read in full...)
Should I care what others think?
Q. Hello dear cupid. I’m with my GF 3 years already, and on Christmas she told me she wants a « heart breakable « jewellery for the both of us. She told me that it would represent our eternal love, and relationship. Well at the beginning I didn’t ...
A. 2 January 2010: Your girlfriend wanted it because it symbolized something that was important to her. Your friends might think it's for kids, but who cares what they think. It was important to your girlfriend, and that is what matters. Don't' worry about it.... (read in full...)
Is this my problem...or our problem?
Q. Hello, My boyfriend and I have been dating for eleven mos. It's been a pretty rocky relationship, and a lot of it stems from the fact that I suffer from both major depressive disorder and PMDD and I am not settled on any medications yet ...
A. 2 January 2010: First of all, every couple needs to talk about the future. We may not know what will happen, but we can plan. So there's no reason not to talk about the future. Living in the present doesn't always work. You need plans, and clear aims with your ... (read in full...)
Player? Or sincere guy who wears heart on his sleeve?
Q. What is the opinion on a guy who REALLY REALLY likes you in the beginning of a dating relationship. I've been seeing this guy, he's not clingy, but he makes it clear that he really likes me. He doesn't pressure me for sex. He calls me when he...
A. 2 January 2010: He actually sounds like a good guy. Of course, there's always a risk he isn't. But as you say, he's not clingy and he doesn't pressure you. He just does everything else right. See what happens and where it leads. As the other post says, you'll ... (read in full...)
Talk to the ex about us? Or let bygones be bygones?
Q. Do I agree to talk with my ex about 'us', or is it better to let bygones be bygones? My ex boyfriend wants to talk to me about ‘us’. I don’t think I am ready to do this, but he is a good person, and I would like to be able to meet him face-to-face...
A. 2 January 2010: I can see from what you've written that you don't think this is a good idea, and I think you know what I'm going to say too.
1 - He doesn't want kids ever. You might.
2 - He was undermining about your PhD and your dream.
3 - He didn't even ... (read in full...)
When he's with his friends he treats her like a jerk!
Q. hi there im a girl here and i have this problem its about my sister.well theres this guy that she and i work with[we work at a movie theater].she texts him all the time and wen there alone hes all nice to her but i think wen hes with his friends hes ...
A. 2 January 2010: You're a great sister, but all you can really do is step back and be ready with the tissues. Your sister fancies him and won't see that he's really a jerk and is no good for her. I don't think he fancies her, I think he's playing with her to be ... (read in full...)
How do I know? what are the signs?
Q. well im 14 i like this guy and im nt real sure if he likes me i dont wanna straight up ask him cause 1. what if he dont and 2. it would be just plain weird it may mess up our mkship.. and i dont want to get my friend to aks him that just a lil ...
A. 2 January 2010: He'll tease you, look at your through the corner of his eye then look away when you see him, he'll gently play fight with you, talk to sometimes then suddenly not talk to you. There are a million things he could do. Does he do anything like this?... (read in full...)
The boyfriend? The ex? Torn between them!
Q. Hello: I have a boyfriend of 7 years but half-way through the relationship I started to talk to my ex again and feelings started to come back. The ex and I dated for about 5 months (7 years ago) before we broke up. For the past few years, I've bee...
A. 2 January 2010: There were no problems until you got talking to your ex. Then he made you see there were problems with your current relationship. Then you started to sort the relationship out, which is great. Relationships take effort, lots of it. My suggestion is ... (read in full...)
I'm depressed about what I've done!
Q. My husband and I have been together since I was 14. I'm now 21. Please don't judge and call me a horrible person. I know the mistakes I've made. I've been paying for them everyday. Anyway, back to the problem. When I was 17 I told my husband I ...
A. 2 January 2010: With guilt, you have to ask yourself why you did something in the first place before you can really move on. Yes, you did cheat, and yes you had an emotional affair, but the question is why did you do it in the first place? Find out that answer and ... (read in full...)
Not sure what to make of her signals please help me interpret them
Q. She is sending me mixed signals and I do not know what to make of them!!!!!!!? I met this girl a month or two ago and it seemed like we immediately hit it off. Lately we have hung out a few times with friends and **** and that is always cool, bu...
A. 2 January 2010: Well it sounds like she likes you a lot. Of course, there's no real way to find out unless you ask her. So that's what you have to do. Ask her. Either she will be interested or she won't. And if she's not, you'll know there's someone else out there ... (read in full...)
I rip my heart out telling her things but don't get the same back
Q. ok this might be long but i need help. i want to trust my girlfriend again she cheated on me before but only a kiss with the same guy twice. this was about 3 months ago but i just cant trust her and when she hangs with guys i get upset and like ...
A. 2 January 2010: He invites her over to his his house, and she can't just say no? Yes she can say no, she's choosing not to. There's no problem with women having male friends, but when they're acting this way, you know it's time to move on. She's done it twice with ... (read in full...)
I don't like the way I look!
Q. This isn't a relationship question but, I didn't know who else to ask so, Pleasee help me out. I'd appreciate it. Okay so, I have a problem with the way I look, my boyfriend tells me all the time that I'm beautiful, and I'm not fat, etc. But, I...
A. 2 January 2010: Just go out jogging or something like that if you want to lose weight. Run up and down the stairs in your house. I'm sure you're worried, but the more you worry the more you will find fault with yourself. Everyone else likes you, so listen to them ... (read in full...)
Do I let a married man divorce his wife or should I move on?
Q. Okay heres the deal, I have fallen for a married man, and he likes me as well. Hes going to jeporadize his marriage to be with me. Do i go ahead and let him, that way me and him can be together, or do I just cut contact completely? ...
A. 2 January 2010: Cut contact now. You're messing with a married man. If he's willing to leave his wife for you, he will be willing to leave you for someone else. Why not find another guy who isn't married. ... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: You didn't cheat, but you do need to tell someone about this. I'm pretty certain what he did was illegal. Never meet him again, and also get yourself tested by a doctor for STI's and pregnancy as soon as you can. ... (read in full...)
Do you think he might dump his girlfriend to be with me?
Q. theres a guy who already has a girlfriend, and i really like him, if we have a dance he will ask me to dance and not his girl friend, what if he dumps his old girl friend to date me? then every body would hate me....
A. 1 January 2010: Not only will you not be popular but you'll always be looking over your shoulder because he might suddenly leave you for someone else. I think if he does dump his girlfriend, you should wait for a while and really get to know him so you're sure he ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to get him back, but I can't tell what he wants.
Q. i broke up with my boyfriend because he changed towards me, acted as kif he didnt care anymore, i never planned on us making it permenant though. i really love him and dont know how to get him back, ive tried everything and he doesnt seem to want to ...
A. 1 January 2010: I know you want to believe that there is a future. But think about it. His attitude changed and he seemed entirely unbothered by you, you've tried to get him back and it hasn't worked and he never really talks to you. I'm sorry. but he's just not ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with his lack of trust in me?
Q. I am a woman in a relationship with a cuckold boyfriend (live together) who wants me to have sex with other men. I don't want to, and he seems to accept that, although he often accuses me of cheating on him anyway. It seems totally contradictory ...
A. 1 January 2010: You cope with it by getting away from him. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with a who spies on you, accuses you, treats you badly? Or would you be better off moving on and finding a guy who isn't so insecure? Think carefully. ... (read in full...)
She caught her husband spying & masturbating while her sister was taking a shower!
Q. Ok i am trying to get help a cousing of mine here... just yesterday, she is a girl by the way, she told me something which i thought was shocking but i was eager to help... she said that she had to leave for the store, and she just pulled out o...
A. 1 January 2010: She needs to talk to her husband about why he was doing it. That's what she needs to do. He sounds like he's either too into her sister, or he's a pervert or something. She has to tell him what she saw and drag an explanation out of him.... (read in full...)
He told my ex he likes me...
Q. theres a new kid in my school and i really like him, my ex was talking to him and said he liked me, what should i do?...
A. 1 January 2010: Well now run a mile, because he's not worth it. Sounds like he might be playing you instead. ... (read in full...)
Do you have pains at the start of pregnancy?
Q. hey im a 16 year old girl and im always feeling sick all through out the day an through the night to and really tired all the time just always feel like sleeping i had my last period in november havent had 1 in december at all but i still had like ...
A. 1 January 2010: Best get tested, just in case. You're in Britain, so everything is free and confidential if you go to the doctor.... (read in full...)
A sex sore?
Q. My boyfriend and i are sexual active regularly. Two days ago, he developed a sore, red and bumpy rash on the head of his penis, but nowhere else on his penis. it is apparantly sore to touch, its got worse in the past two days- i suggested it was ...
A. 1 January 2010: He needs to go to the doctor. If it's anything, make sure you go yourself. ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm pregnant..am I?
Q. i got my period on october 22 and wasn't due again until november 18. i had sex on november 2 and then what i thought at the time was my period although i was spotting on november 6-this lasted a day. i didn't think anything at the time but missed ...
A. 1 January 2010: It certainly sounds like you are. But before you tell anyone, get tested. You don't want to scare everyone then find out you're not pregnant. Get yourself tested as quickly as possible. I know you're scared, but the sooner you get tested, the ... (read in full...)
G/f laughed when I told her the size of my penis
Q. I'm 14 and I am with my gf for 2 yrs now. We love each other and O don't think we are going to stop anytime soon. She asked for my penis size wen erected one day so i actually measured it and I got somewhere around 3.7 inches. I told her and well ...
A. 1 January 2010: She, like quite a few people are your age, is immature. There is more to a man than the size of his penis. If she continues to make fun of you, then she's not really worth your time.... (read in full...)
I feel very much shut out with fiance and daughter
Q. I am recently engaged. My fiance has a daughter 36 and single. Each time she is around he doesnt not even notice or pay attention to me. He asks for her opinion first on everything , including food shopping etc. I am due to get married but I ...
A. 1 January 2010: I'm sure you do. But she is his daughter, and that's the way it is. Maybe talk to him about how you feel, suggest that you would like to be included more with decisions and such. But she's his girl, and nothing can break that bond.... (read in full...)
Being blackmailed! Husband cousin taping me having an affair
Q. Hi, I am a pretty and sexy 25yr old girl, married for 3years. It was an arranged marriage and my husband was not able to satisfy me sexually. This forced me to have an affair. Whenever my husband is away(he travels a lot, sometimes for weeks) my ...
A. 1 January 2010: Don't be blackmailed. Ever. Better to go to the police than be blackmailed. Imagine what your husband will be do if he find out you've been sleeping with other men too. Face up to it now, not later.... (read in full...)
Virgins, we don't know how to put a condom on, please help.
Q. hi guys im about to have sex with my girlfriend and it will be our first times and we don't know how to put a condom on please help xx...
A. 1 January 2010: http://www.mycondoms.co.uk/how-to-put-on-a-condom/
Go to this page. It can help.... (read in full...)
Any suggestions to help me get over the fear of giving oral sex?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for over two and a half years. I'm really wanting to give him a blowjob, but I can't bring myself to do it. I've had one other boyfriend who wanted me to and when I did, well it was a very very bad experience. And I'm ...
A. 1 January 2010: Well if he's a very nice guy, you'll be able to talk to him about how you feel. Mr girlfriend isn't all that keen on oral sex, so I either wear a condom, or I pull out of her mouth before climaxing. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. ... (read in full...)
How long will it take to build up my lasting time again?...
Q. My girlfriend and I just got back together after a 2 month breakup. I haven't had sex since the breakup and only masturbated once or twice. Now that we are having sex again I'm having a hard time controlling the time I last. How long will it take to ...
A. 1 January 2010: Not too long to be honest. Try masturbating again (when you're on your own) and just build it up. Also, when you're having sex, take your time and if you feel like you'll climax to early, stop, then start again. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that her ex called her fat?
Q. one of my friends just broke up with their boyfriend, and i was talking to him and he called her fat, do you think i should tell her?...
A. 1 January 2010: No, not a good idea. Telling a girl she's fat can have bad consequences. She might decide to go anorexic or something like that. And in truth, her ex was probably just trying to hurt her anyway. I wouldn't bother telling her.... (read in full...)
So is it worth trying to talk it through with him or would you be finished with this?
Q. I've been dating R for 3+ months. We have had a lot of fun together, but the more time that has gone by, the less enthusiastic I'm feeling. Now after the holidays, I feel hurt and angry and disappointed. I am ill with chronic fibromyalgia and...
A. 1 January 2010: To be honest, he just doesn't sound like he's all that into you. I think you can afford to move on and find someone else to be honest.... (read in full...)
Think I lost my virginity to the wrong guy!!
Q. I been talking to this boy for a while and I just recently went to his house. I didn't know that I would lose my virginity but I did. So now it's been two days and he still hasn't called me. Should I feel bad that I had sex with him. I feel as ...
A. 1 January 2010: Don't feel bad at all. You made a decision, trusted someone and it hasn't worked out. It isn't a major issue. He won't call I'm afraid, since I'm sure he just wanted you for one thing. But the good news is there are better guys out there who won't ... (read in full...)
We are both divorced, I don't know if I am rushing things with my boyfriend of 6 months?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. I have been divorced 2 years and have 2 children, he has been seperated 1 year and has a daughter aged 9. We all get along really well, but now and then the conversation comes up about what we both ...
A. 1 January 2010: I think you're still in early days at the moment. Have some patience. You've both been hurt, and it can take time. I think he does like you, but I think you need to give him a little more time to make sure he knows what he wants. He is getting ... (read in full...)
My gut's telling me something's wrong, is he cheating on me?
Q. So I was at my boyfriends [c] last night for New Years, and he had 1 friend over [d]. To me C was acting kind of funny, he was more .... affectionate, he seemed to want more love. D has always cheated on his girlfriends, I'm afraid thats a bad ...
A. 1 January 2010: You're trusting instinct when you need proof. So you need to find some really. However, if he has cheated before, there is more of a chance he is cheating now. ... (read in full...)
He told my ex he likes me...
Q. theres a new kid in my school and i really like him, my ex was talking to him and said he liked me, what should i do?...
A. 1 January 2010: For your ex to say this new kid likes you, then the chances are he likes you. Why don't you talk to him and see what happens?... (read in full...)
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