| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My boyfriend seems more concerned with getting his ego boost from this older woman rather than considering my feelings in all of this!
Q. I am 21, and my bf is 25. We have been together for about 10 months now. When we first met, I remember him telling me that he usually goes for "older women" and has never dated someone younger. I felt a bit insecure and on edge because of that. ...
A. 3 January 2010: Well it does, depending what he's been up to with her... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: Well stay strong,get checked and if you ever need to talk about anything, we're all here. ... (read in full...)
Falling for a taken man
Q. so my situation is this, i met a guy while i was still in a relationship (that was already falling apart), this guy and i had sex it was AMAZING!! at first i thought its just for fun. I break up with the bf since it just wasnt working out. I ...
A. 2 January 2010: Yes, easier said than done. Just focus on your future and ask yourself what you want from life. Do you want to be second best to a married man who is using you, or can you see you deserve better and deserve a man who will adore you.... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: I wasn't saying you were a nutcase. I was saying that if you try to bury it, when you get older, it might suddenly come back. However, you must do as you want to. Though I also have to say make sure you're not pregnant by this other guy, and make ... (read in full...)
Is he taking advantage of all the freedom I give him?
Q. so my boyfriend spends a lot of time with his friends playing football, video games and other stuff, but i think he spends to much time with them and not enough with me sounds crazy right, well i do things with my friends but he hardly do anything ...
A. 2 January 2010: To be honest, I think you really need to talk to him about how you feel. He doesn't sound like he's into you at all. There is something wrong when a guy would rather spend time playing football, video games and such when he has a girlfriend he's ... (read in full...)
We don't know if it is right to date each other due to the age difference
Q. Ok so me and this guy been there for each other but the thing is he is 19 and im just turning 15 and we really dont know if its right to date. We liked each other for a really long time, and he has met my parents and everything and he even said to ...
A. 2 January 2010: Nothing is wrong with an age gap, so long as everything is legal and you're happy and safe. Hold off with him until you're at the age of consent, then nothing bad can happen. ... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: You can't just forget about it. A woman I know did that. Ten years later, she tried to kill herself because of depression. If nothing else, please get counselling. ... (read in full...)
How to bring up the talk with your parents about contreception?
Q. I'm 15 years old and have had intercourse with my boyfriend who I have been with for over 1 year but I want to be completly safe and get a form of contraception but I don't know how to ask my mum and how would she react when I tell her I've had sex ...
A. 2 January 2010: Well you live in Britain, so you can go to the doctor privately, in confidence, and get the pill. If you do want to tell your mum, then tell her you want contraception just in case. However, you are under 16 and you've had sex, which means you've ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about my boyfriend's behavior? Or am I just being paranoid?
Q. hi, this may seem stupid but its making me feel down, me and my fiance have been together a yr and half. im 9 months pregnant. we was ordering a take away online and instead of putting our post code he put his exs. it seems really dodgy to me, why ...
A. 2 January 2010: Hm, yes, why would he put her postcode in. That is a little suspicious more that anything else to be honest. I think you need to talk to him about all this. Tell him you're worried that he's not into you anymore, and that he's been acting very ... (read in full...)
How can I love someone when he doesn't love me back?
Q. How can I love someone when he doesn't love me back? How I know is when I have to beg my husband to hold my hand in public that's not love And we fight a lot. He has children with his ex wife and we have a 21month old little girl and a 9 week old ...
A. 2 January 2010: You need to talk to him clearly about how you feel. And I do mean clearly. Tell him exactly how you feel. He will listen to you if he cares, and will try to change. If he doesn't' care, he won't listen and will brush you aside. And if that happens, ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but I cant help enjoying the attention my ex gives me, what should I do?
Q. I am 15 and a chap i used to see and have had sex with is 24. i still see the lad regularly even tho we are not having sex anymore. he is very much like part of my family and everyone gets on with him. but i have a boyfriend now who i really l...
A. 2 January 2010: You have to stop it. He's breaking the law by having sex with you because you're under 16. That means he's actually a sex offender. I would stay well away from him, because he's a danger to young women. ... (read in full...)
Teenager worrying about sex for the first time
Q. ok. i'm a 14 year old girl and ive been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. He's already had sex with his ex partner so it seems like he's expecting it from me. I want to but im freaked out because im a virgin and i don't know what he expects a girl ...
A. 2 January 2010: You're in the UK, so it's illegal to do anything until you're 16, no matter how tempting. If you do, you can both get into a huge amount of trouble, let alone pregnancy. ... (read in full...)
He asked me to wait for him but I can't wait around forever!
Q. well my boyfrined and I finished 4 months ago. we were together for a year and a half almost. we finished because he had feelings for someone else and about a month later they started seeing each other. he'd still text and phone everyday however as ...
A. 2 January 2010: If he loved you, he'd be with you. Move on. ... (read in full...)
Who is at fault: The girl for making inappropriate sexual comments, or the guy for not standing up to her and setting clear boundaries?
Q. When a girl is saying inappropiate sexual type comments to your bf, who is responsible? The girl, or is your bf responsible for standing up to her and making sure the boundaries are clear? My bf dosesnt see himself as having any responsibily in ...
A. 2 January 2010: Well, he can't control what they say, but he could at least reassure you, which he's not doing. The truth is he loves the comments because they make him feel good. If he's telling you your feelings are invalid, then maybe he just doesn't quite care ... (read in full...)
Marriage misery!
Q. I have been married a long 29 years. We certainly have had our down time. Having one now. Background includes some physical abuse that he will not admit to. He now stays in his room in bed all day everyday we are not at work. I have arranged ...
A. 2 January 2010: I think it's now time to move on. You've been a saint, and you deserve to win the lottery to be honest. Make plans and please get away from this man as quickly as you can. ... (read in full...)
Need help having first time sex with girlfriend
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both 17 years old and virgins. A fortnight ago, we tried to have sex for the first time. She's quite petite, never pleasured herself before and she's never used tampons, so she's very tight down there. We did a lot of ...
A. 2 January 2010: If she's nervous and a virgin, then she will be tight. Give her time, reassure, make her feel like a Goddess. She'll come around when she's relaxed about it all.... (read in full...)
I still love him and think he will come crawling back again, but he blew his last chance with me after he slept with my friend! How do I get over him?
Q. For about a year now i have been sort of seeing this boy on and off, he is a year older than me (im 14) and i always knew he had done stuff with other girls. loads of people warned me he was a player and was no good for me but i paied no attention. ...
A. 2 January 2010: All you need to do is remember that he slept with your friend illegally (assuming she is also under 16). Do you want to go out with a sex offender?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems more concerned with getting his ego boost from this older woman rather than considering my feelings in all of this!
Q. I am 21, and my bf is 25. We have been together for about 10 months now. When we first met, I remember him telling me that he usually goes for "older women" and has never dated someone younger. I felt a bit insecure and on edge because of that. ...
A. 2 January 2010: No, I don't think you are over-reacting at all. I have a thing for older women, so I never go for younger girls who I'm not interested in just for this reason. Let him have his married woman. Find a guy who really does love you instead.... (read in full...)
How do I attract boys when I go to an all girls school?
Q. hii I go to an all girls school and me and my friends really want to find some really good looking boys to become friends with, meet up with every weekend and then possibly go out with one. got any suggestions on where to find some or how to ...
A. 2 January 2010: Go to places where guys are. Clubs, movies etc. They'll find you, as g1605 says. ... (read in full...)
How can I make sure that she will want to resume our relationship some point later down the road?
Q. Hi, i my girlfriend recently just broke up with me. For the past 11 months i have been very happy with the girl i have been with. She is terrific and i love her very much still and care about her. I know she still has feelings for me but i can't h...
A. 2 January 2010: I think she was trying to spare your feelings. I'm sure you don't want to lose her, but you're too late. She's not the girl for you. Now you have to move on.... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend not replying to my texts?
Q. my boyfriend went to his dads for new years and because of this he had to break off a date. he didn't text me at all or call and i texted him 2 times with no answer. then at new years he texted me happy new years and i told him that back and th...
A. 2 January 2010: Give him the silent treatment. Don't text him. If he actually cares about you, then he'll contact you again. Then make him work a little bit for your attention.... (read in full...)
I need an English name similar to my Chinese name which sounds like Melwhi Lam
Q. maybe it looks stupid to ask for help here because of my name thing anyway,my Chinese name sound like melwhi lam .and I'm a girl .in the past ,i usually teach others to pronounce my Chinese name .now it's the problem .I NEED A ENGLISH NAME.my ...
A. 2 January 2010: Melanie, Mel, Melina. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have oral sex if you are Muslim?
Q. Hi dere, I am muslim and got marrried 2 years ago and my wife is askin for oral sex just wanted to know that is it allowed to give oral sex to women in islam.... Thanks for ur help in advance ...
A. 2 January 2010: I also googled it up, and found that some muslim scholars believe in it, and some others don't. I would think the best thing you can do is speak to someone at your Mosque who can help. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be friends with my former friends ex after what happened?
Q. Hi all This story is probably worthy of the Jeremy Kyle/Maury show but here goes. I had a friend last year who I helped out but were not friends now (were both gay guys btw) While we were friends, we slept together one night after he and hi...
A. 2 January 2010: You and this other guy aren't friends anymore, so you can do as you wish. ... (read in full...)
Is my only option to break up with her? I don't feel I should be responsible for taking care of her and paying for all her bills!
Q. Dear cupid, My girlfriend and I have been dating since april of 09. She is 19 and I am 20. It was love at first sight when we met, but in ther last couple months I haven't been happy at all. You see, her parents are kicking her out in february ...
A. 2 January 2010: This is far too much far too soon, and to be honest, alarm bells are ringing. I think if you love her, you can afford to tell her she needs to get a job before she moves in, then you can move her in with separate accounts. But unless she can get a ... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong to date my brother's former friend?
Q. dear cupid i really need your help. im 19 and my brother is 22. for years he and his 3 best friends were inseperable and i was always tagged along. i wasn't one of "the guys" i was the annoying little tag along sister ever since i was 15. i stayed ...
A. 2 January 2010: I'm sure you like this guy, and maybe it could be more. But if your brother does not get on with them, you are going to find yourself in a very difficult situation. Imagine if it's your birthday, and 'John' is there. Your brother won't turn up. ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with his lack of trust in me?
Q. I am a woman in a relationship with a cuckold boyfriend (live together) who wants me to have sex with other men. I don't want to, and he seems to accept that, although he often accuses me of cheating on him anyway. It seems totally contradictory ...
A. 2 January 2010: Yes, that's a classic threat of a man who clearly is warped and wants to control you. Seriously, leave him.... (read in full...)
Can anyone relate to my situation? I am sick of living with my husband's family but he doesn't seem to care about my feelings!
Q. i don't know what to say its just that i want share my stories to everyone maybe others can relate.Now its midnight i am here in front of my computer typing my stories make as my self defense for what i really felt...maybe in this way everything ...
A. 2 January 2010: You need to talk to him again and try to arrange moving out into a place of your own, and you need to really make it clear to him. If you still get nothing but neglect, start thinking about whether you want to be second best for the rest of your ... (read in full...)
What will I do if she becomes pregnant?
Q. hi. my girlfriend and i had unprotected sex then she took a morning after pill. we had sex two more times and she took another dose. am afraid of her becoming pregnant. we are both in college. we are waiting. what will i do if she becomes pregnant? ...
A. 2 January 2010: Morning after pills are effective, but not all the time. Especially if you're having sex, then using the pill and then having unprotected sex again. Use condoms. And if she is pregnant, you will have a duty to the baby that comes along.... (read in full...)
Should I worry about the three little words?
Q. Hi . I am misssing the elusive : " I love you " that I have been waiting for . I have seen a lovely , caring older guy . Fifteen years older than me . He is kind , caring and passionate . He has told me ....that I am special , and big in his l...
A. 2 January 2010: If he shows you he loves you, then he loves you. Don't underestimate the problems men have have saying those words, especially with men who have been hurt before. When he is ready, he will say the words. But if he is showing you he loves you, then ... (read in full...)
Talk to the ex about us? Or let bygones be bygones?
Q. Do I agree to talk with my ex about 'us', or is it better to let bygones be bygones? My ex boyfriend wants to talk to me about ‘us’. I don’t think I am ready to do this, but he is a good person, and I would like to be able to meet him face-to-face...
A. 2 January 2010: I would recommend a phone call. That way, he would hear your voice, rather than read a letter that he could imagine you didn't write. ... (read in full...)
Any tips for things to do/say to my boyfriend who is into BDSM?
Q. Please help. My boyfriend is really into BDSM and likes to be dominated which I don't mind but sometimes he asks me to call him names which I've got the hang of now, but he likes to be abused and humiliated too and then my mind goes blank and can't ...
A. 2 January 2010: Buy a sexy pair of boots that you like, buy some stockings and order him to do everything sexual to you that you like. He'll melt away and adore you. ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be getting too "aroused"! Will this put men off in the future or will they laugh at me?
Q. I'm aware that when a female is sexually aroused she becomes wet and also the labia become swollen. But I am worried that when I'm aroused mine get too swollen, not enough to cause problems but enough for me to be embarrassed or self conscious. ...
A. 2 January 2010: More likely they will enjoy it because they'll think they're doing a good job. Don't worry about it at all. Everyone is different, and a good guy will always like you and enjoy you for who you are. ... (read in full...)
Questions about sex.....
Q. I think that when I have sex I will cum very quickly, and I "spring back up" quickly to, so I was thinking that I make her orgasm first so she doesn't feel "unfinished", is this a good idea, should I ask her, and should I ask her how to help her ...
A. 2 January 2010: Yes, talk to her. She will know a bit about what she likes, and if you listen to her now, you'll know what to do later. ... (read in full...)
How do I end my affair with my neighbor's wife?
Q. i am married and started also started a relation with my neighbours wife. I was the one initiated it and was behind her for it. Most of the time my neighbour will be on tour.We are in to this from last 1 year. Now i want to come out of it , but now ...
A. 2 January 2010: You take her aside, tell her to her face it's over and end it. ... (read in full...)
Haunted by my girlfriend's past?
Q. I am on my girlfriend's account, hence the female part. She has given me permission to write a question here, and has been very supportive in trying to solve this with me. She has even posted a question herself. My girlfriend is 17, and she's a ...
A. 2 January 2010: Her past is her past. And she is a virgin, so she's waiting for the right guy. But her past is her past and can't be changed. You are her present and future. You have a choice. Dump her for no real reason other than she has performed oral on another ... (read in full...)
Divorce my wife to date or marry her sister?
Q. have any men divorced their wives to start a relationship with their wifes sister. is it ok to divorce and begin a relationship with her sister, perhaps even marry her. ...
A. 2 January 2010: Not a good idea. It will blow the family apart, and you'll end up with no one in the end. ... (read in full...)
Did I cheat on my boyfriend?
Q. I like my boyfriend alot I mean alot alot. But the other day I was in the dark room a room at my school where you make these pictures you took in photograph class. Anyways so me and this boy "Tom" where in there alone because the bell range and ...
A. 2 January 2010: Tom tried to force himself upon you, even when you tried to stop him and he knew you had a boyfriend. Thankfully he saw you didn't like it so stopped. But Tom's not worth a moment of your time. And to say everyone hooks up through cheating is ... (read in full...)
Is one woman never thrilling enough?
Q. Whenmy husband and I married we took vow to 'forsake all others'. To me this means not having relationships with others but also sving our sexual selves for one another . Not allowing our sexual stimultion to come from other. But he uses porn an ...
A. 2 January 2010: Well a lot of men use porn because it offers a very quick release. Some never give it up. If you feel this way, then you've done the right thing for you, and that's what matters. ... (read in full...)
Small boobs-- boob job??
Q. Hi I really need some advises :( I feel like i'm too skinny and i've been a skinny girl since i was little. (im 21 at the moment) Tried to eat loads but never work out. I'm tall (5'8), skinny, so my boobs are just 32A or maybe AA when i drop wei...
A. 2 January 2010: Take it from a male. Fake breasts are always fake. Also take it from a male that a guy will like you for who you are, your friend will like you for who you are, because you are who you are. You are more than just a pair of breasts. You're a woman. ... (read in full...)
Falling for a taken man
Q. so my situation is this, i met a guy while i was still in a relationship (that was already falling apart), this guy and i had sex it was AMAZING!! at first i thought its just for fun. I break up with the bf since it just wasnt working out. I ...
A. 2 January 2010: You've seen the problem. If he really liked you, he'd be with you. As it is, he's just using you. End it and move on. ... (read in full...)
We never have sex unless my husband is drunk!
Q. happey new year i;m married to my husband 7 yeras we have 3 kidds i work he work too my husband is a quit person te last 3 yras our relationship was rocky my husbandn is never home and if he is he is his room waching tv or online he dnt lough at me ...
A. 2 January 2010: Drag him to counselling. He's taking you for granted and is clearly not happy. So you both need to get talking. This problem can be worked through if you both want it to. You need to tell him how you feel, and he needs to open up. Clearly if he ... (read in full...)
I'm just frustrated that she would like to him! Leave the relationship?
Q. Hello, I have a woman I'm dating and one day when I was using her laptop I happened to see that she maintained an active profile on a dating site. I was also able to see one or two emails where she maintained active contact. Reading one or t...
A. 2 January 2010: Yes, leave now. If she's made another one, then she has lied and is searching for something. If it was a friends site, then that would be okay. But it's a dating site, so get away from her now. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell his wife?
Q. Should I tell his wife? I am 18 years old. On new years eve(last night), i had been drinking. (first mistake) For the past week i had been house sitting my neihbors across the street. Towards the end of the night (around 3:30am) i went to go let t...
A. 2 January 2010: Oh, his poor wife and daughters. And poor you too to have to put up with this man's drunk behaviour. If you can trust you mother, try talking to her about it, because she might be able to offer you a bit of support. I know if I was married and I had ... (read in full...)
I want to masturbate in front of my sister
Q. My sister walked in on me when I was in the middle of masturbating. Since then I have wanted to masturbate in front of her. I am afraid to ask her so I secretly masturbate in front of her while she is sleeping. Should I ask her if I can do it in ...
A. 2 January 2010: You are well and truly barking up the wrong tree. Sexual stiff between siblings is entirely wrong. And you could get into serious trouble. ... (read in full...)
Talk to the ex about us? Or let bygones be bygones?
Q. Do I agree to talk with my ex about 'us', or is it better to let bygones be bygones? My ex boyfriend wants to talk to me about ‘us’. I don’t think I am ready to do this, but he is a good person, and I would like to be able to meet him face-to-face...
A. 2 January 2010: I can see from what you've written that you don't think this is a good idea, and I think you know what I'm going to say too.
1 - He doesn't want kids ever. You might.
2 - He was undermining about your PhD and your dream.
3 - He didn't even ... (read in full...)
Help! Did I cheat on my boyfriend!
Q. i have recently started seeing this guy who i really like and finally we've moved a step further and decided not to see anyone else and see how it goes. i am 100% faithful id never cheat on anyone. my family is pretty messed up i didnt know my dads ...
A. 2 January 2010: You didn't cheat, but you do need to tell someone about this. I'm pretty certain what he did was illegal. Never meet him again, and also get yourself tested by a doctor for STI's and pregnancy as soon as you can. ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with his lack of trust in me?
Q. I am a woman in a relationship with a cuckold boyfriend (live together) who wants me to have sex with other men. I don't want to, and he seems to accept that, although he often accuses me of cheating on him anyway. It seems totally contradictory ...
A. 1 January 2010: You cope with it by getting away from him. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with a who spies on you, accuses you, treats you badly? Or would you be better off moving on and finding a guy who isn't so insecure? Think carefully. ... (read in full...)
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